


She's My Blackberry Pie

by Concreteayngel



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst and Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:16:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 175,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26444032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Concreteayngel/pseuds/Concreteayngel
Summary: Is Bella really over the trauma of Edward leaving her? She says so, but Edward isn't so sure. When Bella asks for some time alone, Edward isn't sure if he can handle the reason why. This takes place during Eclipse, before the threat of the newborn army. Rated M to be safe.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 151
Kudos: 151





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

“So are you and Edward doing anything fun this weekend,” my mother tried to sound casual over the phone, but I could hear the curiosity burning behind her words.

“Actually, I’m spending some quality time with Charlie this weekend, since it’s his birthday on Sunday, ” I pivoted, hoping to evade the line of questioning that would certainly lead to much more awkward inquiries.

Renée gasped, “It is, isn’t it? Isn’t it my job to be reminding you of these things?” She chuckled self-deprecatingly. “You’re going to make such a great mom someday. A very long time from now!” she hastily qualified. “I’m much too young to be a grandma!”

I was glad, for once, that Edward wasn’t here to overhear this conversation. If he had, it would almost certainly have brought about another round of brooding and self-loathing. Edward hated that he could never give me children.

To be honest, I had never really given much thought to having kids until it had become an impossibility. If an eternity with Edward meant that motherhood wasn’t in the cards for me, then that was a fate that I would gleefully and gratefully accept, without regret. He would always be enough for me. And as I reminded him whenever the subject infrequently came up, we could always “adopt” as Carlisle and Esme had. The reminder didn’t do much to assuage his guilt.

I sighed, exasperated. “Mother, I’m hanging up now.”

“Spoken like a true teenager! I should talk to you about sex more often!” Renée teased.  
“Bye, baby. Love you. Talk soon.”

“Bye, Mom. Love you, too.”

As I ended the call, the barest of breezes passed through my room, and I knew that when I turned to face the window, Edward would be there. It was 7:30, and as was our routine, I had just finished dinner with Charlie, cleaned up the kitchen, and retired to my room to “finish homework,” before Charlie left to go back to the station on “on official police duty.”

On a Friday night, that usually meant a poker game with his deputies; however, not before quietly disabling my truck, which I might’ve been mad about if it weren’t for the fact that Edward snuck into my room every night.

“Look what the bat dragged in,” I beamed at him. Needing to be closer to my otherworldly angel, I took the two steps toward him and closed the distance. As if acting of their own accord, my arms reached up to encircle the stone column of his neck. He returned my embrace, burying his face in my hair, and inhaling deeply.

Edward sighed, contentedly. “It never gets any easier being away from you.”

“Change me already, and then you’ll never have to,” I retorted. Not sure exactly why I was pushing his buttons already, but sometimes he made it too easy, and my inner bratty 18-year old couldn’t resist.

“Don’t start with that,” he growled. “Not before you’ve even kissed me hello.” Edward kissed me once, twice, and had my heart racing wildly in my chest for an uncharacteristically long and languid third kiss. For once, I was the one to pull away so I could catch my breath.

“So can I ‘start with that’ _after_ I’ve kissed you hello?” I smiled mischievously and quirked an eyebrow at him.

Edward glared at me darkly. “If you are going to continue to provoke me, there are other things I could be doing right now, you know.” He turned his body back toward the window.

I threw my arms around his waist as if my frail human arms could somehow stop him if he were determined to go. “No! Don’t leave. I’ll be good. I promise!”

His eyes softened at something he heard in my voice. “Of course I’ll stay, love. I didn’t mean it. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you.”

The atmosphere in the room changed, and I immediately regretted all my earlier snark for the anxious look that now twisted his beautiful face.

“Not ever again,” Edward amended with a tortured whisper. He kissed me softly on the forehead and stroked my arms that still clung to his waist.

Feeling like a complete jerk for instigating the angst, I went into damage control mode. Without releasing my hold on him, I tilted my head upward to look at him and rested my chin on his granite chest.

“Hey now, none of that! You’re forgiven. We don’t have to go there. I get it. You left me to protect me. You left me because you love me, not because you didn’t. It would’ve been a perfectly noble thing to do for somebody less mental than me.” I rolled my eyes at my own weakness.

After a short pause, I said, “If you think about it, it kinda makes us even.”

“Explain that, please,” he asked tersely, probably wishing for the millionth time that he could read my mind.

“Well, when I gave Alice and Jasper the slip at the airport and went to face James alone,” Edward scowled at the memory but didn’t interrupt, “well, my plan was about as ill-conceived and fatal as your decision to leave me was. So, all in all, I’d say we’re even!” I smiled up at him, trying to convey all of the unconditional love I felt for him.

Edward considered that, and took my face between his wintry hands and lightly grazed my cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs.

“I think we had it backward before, love. I’m one stupid lion, and you are a very masochistic little lamb,” he mused quietly and kissed the tip of my nose. His deliciously sweet breath whirled in my face, dazzling me.

“At the risk of infuriating myself any further tonight, and only since we’re talking about it now, may I ask you one more question about that time? It’s something I’ve always wondered about...and then we can move on to more pleasant topics.”

His request took me by surprise. What could it possibly be that he didn’t already know?

“Um, sure” I braced myself.

“The day you went...cliff-diving,” he began, his golden eyes pierced mine, while his hands held my face in an iron grip that kept me from looking away. “I must’ve watched Alice’s vision play a million times in my mind with perfect recall. It was how I punished myself for your de--” Edward choked on the word, unable to finish the word.

“Edward!” I shrieked, appalled, but he wouldn’t let me finish admonishing him for the cruelty that he showed himself. I couldn’t fathom Edward being in so much pain. It hurt too much to think about.

“Let me get this out, please, Bella or I may never have the courage to ask you again. The day you jumped, nowhere in Alice’s vision did I see you bring a towel or a change of clothes to the beach. Didn’t you plan on getting out of the water, Bella? Why didn’t you have a towel?” Edward’s voice cracked with emotion, his eyes desperately searching mine.

The breath I didn’t know I’d been holding whooshed out of my chest.

“I don’t really have a great answer to that. It all happened so fast, and I wasn’t exactly in a healthy state of mind. I _can_ tell you that I definitely wasn’t _planning_ to kill myself. But I wasn’t really thinking about what would come after that, either. I was just so focused on hearing you again, on feeling like you cared about me, even if it was just a delusion… As dumb as it sounds, I really just didn’t think it through.”

If Edward could have cried, he would have. His angel face crumpled and his hands dropped to my shoulders.

“Didn’t think it through?” he repeated incredulously. He looked like he wanted to shake me. “Of all the things to--”

“You don’t get to kill yourself over me if I don’t get to kill myself over you, Edward, so just zip it!”  
I bit out, crossing my arms over my chest defensively.

Edward’s arms fell to his sides, his fists clenched. A dozen emotions flitted across his face before he barked out a hard laugh. “You are utterly absurd, my Bella. Let’s just call it a moot point, since I’m never going to leave you again, so there will never be another reason for all the Shakespearean tragedy.”

“Sounds like a plan to me” I replied amicably, relieved that he seemed to have recovered his good humor. I stood on tiptoe for a kiss and he obliged, though it was over too fast.

Edward cleared his throat.

“So, what do you feel like doing this weekend, love? There’s a music festival in Port Angeles that we could check out or--”

“Actually,” I interrupted, not sure how to broach the idea, “would you mind very much if I asked for a human..weekend? It’s Charlie’s birthday on Sunday, and I think he’d like to spend some time with me without feeling like a third wheel, not that he’d ever say it.” It was a half-truth, but my best chance at not being caught in a lie.

My request brought Edward up short. I was always the one needing more time with him, not asking for less. He was quiet for a long moment, his brow creased.

“Of course not, love. But-” He was struggling for words, a rare occurrence for him.

“But?” I prodded.

“But...this isn’t your roundabout way of asking me for space, is it? I know you’d never want to hurt my feelings, so if--”

“NO!” I cried out, aghast. “No space! It’s nothing like that,” I assured him emphatically. I was hoping I wouldn’t need to give him any other reasons for needing the weekend to myself because the reason that would come next would upset him.

“It’s just..it’s not like I have all the time in the world to make memories with him, ya know?” I asked as gently as I could. It was a card that I hoped I wouldn’t have to play because it hit below the belt. Edward could never say no to me wanting to have normal human experiences, and I very much counted on that.

He looked relieved, but that relief was quickly replaced by anxiety.

“Well, I’m relieved it’s not that you don’t want me around,” he laughed humorlessly while brushing a lock of hair behind my ear, “but I hate that that’s _why_ you want to spend time with him. You’re barely starting out in life! You shouldn’t be planning the end of it like your days are numbered!” His fists were clenched at his sides again.

I sighed. This was not going well. And now I was second-guessing my rationale for not telling him the real reason that I didn’t think it was a good idea that I saw him this weekend. Because of pie. Yes, that’s right: _pie_.

The blackberry bushes in the yard were ripe for the picking, and I wanted to make Charlie’s favorite triple berry pie as a surprise for his birthday. The problem with that was that blackberry bushes meant thorns, and thorns meant blood.

After everything Edward and I had already been through, there was no doubt in my mind that he would never hurt me ( _at least not physically_ \--my inner trauma snarked). I knew that with every fiber of my being. All the same, I saw no reason to make him uncomfortable.

But if I told him as much, he’d probably have another one of his guilt-fests about how _‘Human girls shouldn’t have life and death concerns about going berry picking with their fiancé, Bella!_ ’ his imagined voice thundered in my head. _‘This is just another example of how very wrong I am for you.’_

If I was being brutally honest with myself, I lied because I didn’t need to give him any more reasons to leave me again. I _wouldn’t_ give him any more reasons to leave me again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward's POV

She’s My Blackberry Pie

Chapter 2 

Edward POV 

I had almost hoped that Alice would tell me that she saw Bella’s future disappear so that I could step in and stop her from doing whatever potentially hazardous thing she was scheming, like riding motorcycles with werewolves.

If that were the case, I wouldn’t have to make excuses for my embarrassing, stalkerish tendencies that fuelled my need to know where Bella is, what she’s doing, who she’s with--and if I had my way, what she’s thinking. 

Alice’s reassurance was comforting, though she was also keeping something from me. Protecting Bella’s privacy, I suspected. She showed me Bella’s future, clear as ever. I saw myself playfully chasing a laughing, crimson-eyed goddess through the forest at vampire speed.

But Bella had never asked me to stay away before, and I couldn’t help but feel like something was off. I didn’t have any reason to doubt her. Her heartbeat was steady when she told me she wanted to spend time with Charlie, and she was such a horrible liar, that I would know instantly if she wasn’t being honest with me.    
  
But even vampires had insecurities, and true to my nature, the worst of them played through my mind.

I imagined her welcoming the mongrel and his father over for Charlie’s birthday dinner. With extreme jealousy, I thought of Jacob being able to do the most basic human act--sharing a meal with my Bella. Being human  _ and natural  _ with my Bella. Adding insult to injury, Charlie loving and accepting the mutt, wanting Jacob for his daughter, while he barely tolerated me. Not that I could blame him. 

Someday Bella would get tired of defending me to her father. She’d realize the future Jacob could give her, and how naturally and seamlessly he already fit into her life. She’d get tired of how difficult and dangerous it always was for us to be together, and then she’d choose him. And I wouldn’t be able to blame  _ her  _ for it either.

Part of me, a very small part, wanted that life for her--it’s why I left to begin with. It was the right thing, what nature had intended. But if I learned anything from our hellish separation, it was that I was too weak to be away from her. 

And selfishly,  _ so selfishly _ , I chose to stay with her forever, or until she sent me away, whichever came first. I could only hope that when that day came, if she ever outgrew me, that she wouldn’t regret the time she squandered on a soulless, unchanging, murderous monster such as myself, I thought morosely. 

No matter how much she told me that she was ready for her life to end, ready to spend eternity with me as a blood-thirsty monster frozen in time (heart beating or no, I could never view her as soulless), I felt she was being naive and shortsighted about the things she would want later in life that I couldn’t give her.

The idea of Bella someday being bitter and resentful about not being able to bear children, like Rose and even Esme to a lesser extent, made my cold, dead heart want to start beating just so it could wither inside me and die all over again. How could I  _ do _ that to her just so that I’d never have to lose her? It would be the most selfish thing I’d ever do, even if I lived..existed a thousand years. 

The very thought of her  _ blaming _ me for that was my greatest fear...well, second greatest fear. I shuddered at the all-too-vivid memory of Rosalie telling me that my Bella had committed suicide, and my knowing that it had been all my fault.

I may not be able to sleep or dream, but Alice’s vision of Bella jumping to her death played like a silent film behind my eyelids whenever I closed my eyes. But I digress. 

I knew better than to make any decisions one way or the other about changing Bella, unless I wanted to feel the wrath of my clairvoyant sister. So I found myself biding my time, hoping to draw out Bella long enough that she’d change her mind, or at least decide to stay human for as long as possible. We’d figure out a way around the Volturi, I was certain of that. 

***

It was early Saturday morning, and I was debating with myself whether or not to go  spy on Bella make sure Bella was safe. I was sitting in the driver’s seat of my Volvo, so it was pretty clear which side of things was winning out. 

_ This is wrong,  _ I reproached myself. 

I know, I agreed. She’ll forgive me.

_ She is safe in her home with her father. Her future is accounted for. She doesn’t need your protection.  _

She  _ always  _ needs my protection, I snarled back at my conscience. 

Bella was like my drug, and I was in serious withdrawal. Addicts in withdrawal are known to lie, steal, do whatever necessary to get their fix, and I was no exception. I internally fought with my more rational self. 

_ She deserves privacy.  _

She should get used to a lack of privacy if she’s so committed to spending an eternity in a family of gifted vampires, I rationalized.

_ If she wants to see Jacob, you should let her. He’s better for her.  _

She’s mine! I growled, my hands gripping the wheel so tightly that a perfect impression of the inside of my fists was cast into the vinyl of the steering wheel. I would need to ask Rose to replace it before I parked this car anywhere within public view. 

_ She asked for time alone with her father. You should respect that.  _

“I can’t be away from her,” I whispered out loud, defeated. The decision had been made, and I could hear Alice tsk-ing at me in disapproval from somewhere in the house, not that she’d do anything to stop me. 

_ ‘See for yourself, brother, but you are making a mistake,’  _ Alice had warned silently as I floored it towards Bella’s house. 

  
  


***

I parked the Volvo on an old forgotten service road that ran along the backside of the woods that bordered the Swan residence. I ran the short distance through the old grove of towering Western hemlocks while recalling the emotional conversation I’d had with Bella last night. It was certainly not the evening I’d had in mind for us. 

Ever since we reunited after returning from Italy, her well hidden and well deserved doubt in me would occasionally make itself known, as was the case last night.

It was so unlike her to pick a fight with me, and I handled it all wrong. I was such a complete ass to turn my back on her and threaten to leave. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Of course that would trigger a panicked reaction out of her. 

Her anxiety was misplaced, of course, because I could never leave her again; but it was going to take a lot more than words and a few short months to reassure her of that, much as she tried to convince me otherwise. 

As if my all-consuming guilt wasn’t comprehensive enough, she felt guilty for reminding me of the damage _ I _ caused  _ her _ . I could see it in her eyes, and hear it in her flimsy attempt to equate her bravely sacrificing herself to save her mother, with my abandoning her in these same woods and unknowingly leaving her to defend herself from a vengeful vampire, a pack of volatile werewolf pups, and her own self-destructive tendencies. 

What had I done to this poor girl? More accurately, what  _ hadn’t  _ I done to this girl? I was a 105-year old vampire stalking my 18-year old human  fiancée from the branches of a fucking tree like some lecherous creep. I sighed. Alice was right, of course. I shouldn’t have come. 

Just as I had made the decision to leave Bella to her “human weekend,” the sliding door to the backyard opened, and Bella emerged into the early morning sunlight. The sight of her took my breath away, as it always did, so I suppose it was lucky that I didn’t need to breathe.

I had been so busy castigating myself that I wasn’t paying attention when she woke up and came downstairs. Some stalker I was turning out to be, I snorted. 

But now my curiosity was piqued. What is she doing outside? This wasn’t a normal part of her routine. And..what was she _ wearing _ ? She appeared to be wearing yellow rubber kitchen gloves, the kind one used when washing dishes, pulled up over the long sleeves of her favorite ratty sweatshirt. She had the handle of a small basket looped over her right forearm. 

I wanted so badly to leave, to give her the respect and privacy that she deserved, but now I was riveted and had to know what she was doing. 

She walked to the eastern corner of the yard and shoved her gloved hands into the wild foliage that grew up the banks of a small creek that ran just on the other side of Charlie’s property line. It finally dawned on me what she was doing. 

She was...berry picking? Blackberries by the look of it. My eyes grew wide and I held my breath. Blackberry bushes were tangled masses of razor sharp thorns poised to tear the delicate skin off my reason for existing. And these blackberry bushes were atop a semi-steep ravine perforated by jagged rocks and the splintered limbs of broken tree branches. 

_ What could  _ possibly  _ go wrong?  _ I thought to myself acerbically. 

I had to remind myself that I wasn’t supposed to be here, wasn’t supposed to be seeing this. It was becoming abundantly clear why Bella did not want me here for this. Was she afraid that I would harm her if I smelled her blood? 

Knowing as well as I did about her complete lack of self-preservation instincts, I thought that that was maybe giving her too much credit. 

No. Knowing Bella as well as I did, she probably didn’t want to make me  _ uncomfortable.  _ I shook my head at the impossibility of a red-blooded human being considerate of a vampire’s abominable needs. Only Bella. 

I also reminded myself that whatever Alice saw of Bella’s plans did not involve her getting hurt, or at least not significantly enough to tell me about, so I tried to quell the panic that rose at the first sight of the thorns biting into her yellow “armored” forearms and hands. 

She was struggling, I could tell. The gloves were too large for hands, the rubber fingertips extending at least two inches beyond the tips of her little fingers. With the gloves on, she had protection but no dexterity. 

She sighed in frustration and resignation, and grabbed the fingertips of her right hand glove and yanked it completely off with an audible snap. She looked as if she was about to slap the bushes in the face and demand a duel. 

Angry Kitten Bella was absolutely adorable. She gingerly reached her ungloved hand back into the razor-toothed bushes and began plucking berries one by one from the bush and dropping them into her basket. 

Inevitably, I heard her gasp and yank her hand back from the bush that had bitten her. She put the punctured finger in her mouth and sucked on it for a moment to relieve the sting. I clenched my jaw shut, and sucked in a small tentative breath, to make absolutely certain that I would not be overcome by the scent of her blood in the air. Not surprisingly, the monster stayed firmly locked in his cage. 

I smelled her more strongly than I had moments before, but it was bearable. I kept watching. More berries dropped into her basket, and she seemed to be getting into a rhythm.

With her gloved left hand, she’d hold a thorny vine, and with her right hand she would pluck off the berries and toss them into her basket, but every few minutes, she would gasp and stick a finger in her mouth. Once, she cursed softly to herself, and I had to stop myself from laughing out loud, or risk being discovered. 

It was one of the most unusual experiences I’d ever encountered in my vampiric existence. Invariably, once human blood was spilt, the frenzied need to hunt would overcome the senses of even the most practiced “vegetarian” vampires, but this was different. The amount of her blood was so infinitesimal, it was like… somebody using an eyedropper to drip gasoline into a contained, smoldering fire. 

And then, God help me, she popped one of the plump berries into her mouth, and I groaned at the sight of her licking the blood red juice off her perfect lips. She let out a small moan of approval as she tasted her harvest, and I nearly fell right out of my tree. 

Maybe ‘lecherous creep’ wasn’t so far off the mark, after all, I winced. If only Jasper could see me now--overwhelmingly jealous of a berry.

I waited for Bella to fill her basket and go back inside the house to make absolutely certain she wouldn’t need rescuing before jumping down from my perch and heading back to my car. 

Time for the lusty vampire to go home and take a cold shower while my favorite sister mentally snickered at my idiocy. It wasn’t anything less than I deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Now I know what SM meant when she said that writing Edward's POV in Midnight Sun made her anxious. Heh. But I sure love me some AngstWard! I would love to know what you think! Should I continue this fic? Drop me a comment and let me know.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella POV

“ _Would you mind very much if I had a human weekend_ ,” I mocked myself out loud while rolling out some pie crust dough with a little more force than was probably necessary.

‘What a stupid idea. I could’ve just bought the damn berries and saved myself a boring, lonely weekend without Edward. It’s not like Charlie would know the difference, or really appreciate the effort I went to pick the stupid berries, and slice up my hand in the process,’ I thought bitterly.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I assaulted the pie dough with my rolling pin.

“Jeez, Bella, what did the bloodsucker do now,” said an amused voice from behind me. Startled, I jumped right out of my socks.

“Jacob Black, are you trying to give me a heart attack?! What are you doing here?” I raised my rolling pin threateningly in his direction.

He laughed, apparently unconcerned about being beaten by kitchenware.

“When Charlie came by this morning to pick up my dad, he joked that you were giving him the best birthday gift ever, a Cullen-free weekend. He felt bad that you canceled your plans for his birthday, and that he wasn’t going to be here to spend it with you, so I told him I’d come keep you company,” Jacob grinned.

“How nice of you Jake,” I told him. ‘ _And self-serving_ ,’ I thought to myself. “But you can’t be here,” I said. I put my hands on his back and tried to shove him back out through the door he came in through. “Go back to the Rez, and I’ll call you as soon as I can hang out.”

“What, why? But I’m here now, Bells,” was his confused reply, as I was pushing him out the door.

“Because you can’t just show up like this, Jake!” I said exasperatedly. “When you’re around me, Alice’s visions don’t work right. My future disappears, and then Edward gets all anxious. We WILL hang out soon, I promise, but it needs to be planned. That’s the only way it can work.”

Right on cue, my phone started ringing.

“ _See?_ ” I showed him the name display on my cell.

“Alright, alright. I’m leaving. Wouldn’t want the bloodsucker to get his panties in a twist,” He said with a sneer, “But soon! I’m holding you to that!” Jacob promised, as I shut the door behind him and rushed to answer the phone.

“Bella!” Edward’s voice was panicked. “Are you ok?’ I could hear tires squealing in the background.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” I rushed to reassure him. “I know, my future disappeared, right? I’m sorry. Jacob came over unexpectedly, but I told him to leave.” He sighed in relief, and I could hear the Volvo’s accelerator slowing down fractionally.

“Oh. You didn’t have to do that, love. Just call next time so I can avoid the heart attack,” I could tell how hard he was trying to keep his voice light.

“I just didn’t want you to think that this was something I planned. I would never lie to you to see Jacob behind your back,” I said, hoping he'd hear the truth in my words.

“I know that, Bella. Thank you for saying it out loud, though. It helps,” I could hear him smiling through the phone.

I sighed, ready for my “human weekend” to be over with. “Do you want to come over?” I hoped.

“What about Charlie’s birthday? I don’t want to impose.”

That reminded me to be irritated at Charlie for his “best gift ever” comment to Jacob.

“He went fishing,” I grumbled. “He won’t be home for a couple more hours. Please come. I miss you.”

“I’ll be right there!” he promised. At that same moment, he was strolling through the door of my kitchen while depositing his phone into his pocket.

And just like that, Edward was standing there with me. He looked like an Abercrombie model in his form-fitting charcoal grey button-up shirt, and dark wash blue jeans. I was momentarily speechless.

“How did you get over here so fast?” I said into the phone that I was still holding to my ear. I couldn’t process the chain of events. Jacob had been standing in that exact spot not three minutes ago, and it takes at least three times that long to drive to Edward’s house from here.

“Hmm, now where have I heard that before,” Edward smiled and tapped his chin. Then his expression turned serious. “I was standing right next to you, Bella” he answered, gently taking the phone out of my hand and slipping it into my back pocket, his face the picture of innocence.

Did he just do that? My heart spluttered at the idea of Edward’s hand coming as close as it ever had to my rear.

He was referring to the day that he saved me from Tyler Crowley’s van nearly turning me into roadkill. My jaw snapped shut and I growled at him.

“If you _ever_ gaslight me like that ever again, I will spend eternity making you regret it,” I picked up my rolling pin again and shook it in his direction.

Edward was laughing in earnest now. It was a welcome sight.

“I wish you could feel some small fraction of what I feel when you talk about spending eternity with me...even if it’s you chasing me around with a rolling pin,” He chuckled, and then took my left hand in his and reverently kissed my ring finger.

Thoroughly dazzled, “I missed you,” were the only words I seemed to remember how to say.

“I missed you more. That’s the understatement of the century. I’m glad Charlie’s birthday only comes once a year. Can we never do that again?”

Edward put both hands on my hips and pulled me in close for a scorching kiss. The rolling pin fell to the floor, forgotten. Our bodies were pressed together from hips to lips. If he’d had a heartbeat, I would have been able to feel it. My blood bubbled under my skin wherever his hands made contact. This was new. He didn’t usually allow so many points of contact when we were close like this. When he finally pulled away, I was panting.

“How does someone so cold make me so hot?” I wiped at the perspiration on my forehead with the back of one hand while fanning myself with the other. He made a sexy little growl sound, and when our eyes met, his were black as pitch, and the look on his face was pure need.

EPOV

This girl was going to be the death of me. Not an easy thing to do, that.

Before Bella illuminated my world, I could have let 36 hours slip by just being lost in thought, or playing my piano. But now, 36 hours without her felt like an impossible, immeasurable length of time. If Bella became an immortal, as Alice predicted, the 3 days that she’d burn might quite possibly be even more painful for me than for her.

I tried to keep busy, but occupying my time with menial tasks didn’t help to keep my mind off of Bella the way it might’ve if I were human. I was driving my family, especially Jasper, crazy with my lovesick obsessing.

“Edward, man, you gotta calm down. You’ll see Bella tomorrow. It’ll be good for you both to have some time away from each other. It’s not normal to be attached at the hip 24/7,” Jasper threw a wave of calm in my direction.

“I don’t think that’s where they’re attached, Jazz, “ Emmett snickered.

“Edward wishes,” Jasper razzed. “That’s part of their problem is that he’s such a prude!”

“What would you know about the self-restraint required to not kill a human, Jasper?” I countered acidly. Jasper’s thoughts were apologetic, and I nodded at him in acknowledgment.

“Ooooh sick burn, bro,” Emmett guffawed. “Now would you two shut up, you’re scaring the bears away. I told Rose I’d be home in time to watch the Seahawks game with her.”

“He really means ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ I revealed and jumped out of the way a tenth of second before he tackled the air where I had just been standing.

***

We returned home from our hunting trip in short order. I had gorged myself on two mountain lions because since Bella came into my life, it was rare that I went hunting far enough away from her to bag anything tasty.

“Let me know who wins the disco ball trophy, Em!” I laughed as he flipped me off and flew up the stairs to find Rose.

I then heard Carlisle’s thoughts beckon me from the direction of his study, where I went to join him.

“Catch anything good?” Carlisle asked in greeting. This was the closest vampires ever came to small talk.

“Quite! Two big male cats. It was a relaxing hunt, if you don’t count the company,” I smiled widely as I heard the profanity volleyed at me from opposite corners of the house. “You wanted to speak to me?”

_Yes, have a seat, won’t you?_ He asked silently and gestured to the chair facing his desk. I sat down and looked at him expectantly. His thoughts were carefully controlled, so I knew this wasn’t a medical consult about a patient that he would occasionally request of me.

“Uh oh, the doctor is in,” I tried to make light of his formality. “I’m in trouble.”

He chuckled out loud. _No, no, nothing like that. But I did want to see where your head is at with Bella’s impending transformation. We haven’t discussed it since the vote, and I was hoping that you had come to accept Bella’s decision to join the family?_

I sighed. “No, not really. She says she wants this life, but how many 18-year-olds have you met that know what they’ll want in 10 years, much less 100 or 1,000?”

_Ah, yes, well I seem to remember a 30- or 40-year-old version of yourself that thought that romantic love was nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain. Just biology’s ‘neat trick’ to compel humans to procreate, I believe is how you put it. Do you still agree with that assertion?_ Carlisle regarded me with a patient smile on his face and a knowing look in his eyes.

Humbled, I sat back in my chair. “How long have you been waiting to throw _that_ back in my face,” I laughed grudgingly.

_Awhile_. He smiled like the cat that swallowed the canary. He was enjoying this.

“All you’re doing is proving my point, Carlisle. If I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about as a 40-year-old with two doctoral degrees, how can I trust what she says she wants now?”

_If you’ve chosen Bella to be your mate as I believe you have, then you are going to have to give her a bit more credit, son. As someone who’s had just a little bit more experience than you in the area of romantic relationships, let me caution you that constantly intimating that your feelings are more valid than hers is going to cause resentment on her part._

“You’re right, I know you’re right, but what am I supposed to do, Carlisle? Just allow her to end her life for me? Risk her soul? And just hope that she doesn’t despise me for it a few years from now when some sort of maternal instinct kicks in? I couldn’t bear that.”

_What makes you think that that will happen, Edward? You know as well as I do that we are developmentally frozen from the time we are changed. If she doesn’t have that instinct now, maybe she never will. When Rosalie came to us, she was already in a place in her life where she wanted children. And Esme lost her only child. Those feelings and instincts were already there inside them. You can’t compare them, Edward. It’s not the same thing._

“Well that’s certainly something to think about, but even if my fears never come to pass, I would still know that I robbed her of that potential, and robbed the world from whatever legacy she might’ve had if she never met me. I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my existence.”

_If I ever meet my end, Edward, will I not leave a legacy behind me? Have I not made my mark on this world with the millions of lives I’ve saved over the centuries. I never had biological children either._

I sighed. He had me there. He smiled and reached across the desk to squeeze my hand.

_I know you’ll come around. It’s the right thing for all of us, including Bella. I know this hasn’t been an easy life for you, son. But you’re going to have to find it within yourself to allow yourself some happiness. You deserve it, you deserve her._

_I can see that you aren’t ready to talk logistics about changing her yet, just know I’m prepared whenever you are. My door is always open. But for Esme’s sake, don’t take too long. She worries about what will happen to this family if...Well, as you know, she was devastated after you left us and went to Italy. And the Volturi is only one of the threats looming over Bella at the moment._

I nodded my head contritely. The amount of damage I had caused in the wake of leaving Bella would haunt me for the rest of my existence, of that, I had no doubt.

“Thanks for the chat, Carlisle. I can always rely on you to keep my head screwed on straight.”

“Anytime, Edward,” he said out loud, smiling warmly.

Just then, Alice knocked on Carlisle’s office door.

“Sorry to interrupt, but it couldn’t wait. Edward, don’t freak out, but Bella went AWOL on me again.”

Carlisle was tight-lipped and gave me a pointed look. I didn’t need to read his thoughts to see he was trying not to think something along the lines of “ _See? I was afraid of that_.”

Less than a second later, I was already getting into my car when I slipped my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Bella. It rang once, twice…

“C’mon, Bella! Pick it up!” I anxiously yelled into the ringing phone. On the fourth ring, she answered, and I exhaled loudly in relief.

“Bella! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! I’m fine! I know, my future disappeared, right? I’m sorry. Jacob came over unexpectedly, but I told him to leave.” I had expected Jacob was involved in some way. I tried not to think about how my “nightmare” of Jacob joining her for dinner was coming true. But she had turned him away? Now _that_ was unexpected. What did the mutt do to upset her this time I wondered.

She went on to tell me that she was worried I would think that she had planned to meet Jacob behind my back. So she sent him away so that I wouldn’t worry about her? My cold, dead heart swelled with the amount of love and longing I felt for this sweet, silly, considerate, self-sacrificing, kind-hearted girl.

Angel of mercy that she was, the next thing out of her mouth was to invite me over, ending her human weekend a whole day early. I was already on my way to her house after Alice sounded the alarm, in case she needed me. While I fully expected Jacob to be involved, I would not have intervened unless she asked me to, or if I found her in some kind of trouble. 

That she had chosen to protect my feelings at the expense of the mutt’s had me positively exultant. And remembering how and why this whole weekend even began--presumably because she wanted to go berry picking and didn’t want me there for that--made me think that maybe she was starting to take her safety more seriously. I could only be grateful for that, if not a little curious as to why now.

She was an absolute vision standing there in the kitchen, completely in her element. She was wearing a white apron over her t-shirt and jeans, her hair tied back in a loose ponytail, with a few loose strands framing her exquisite face. She had a dusting of flour splashed across her left cheekbone and chin, and she was even barefoot. I wanted to kiss every inch of her, but I settled for what was appropriate. More or less.

Before things got too out of hand, I reluctantly put some space in us. I hopped up on the kitchen counter sitting opposite where she had been rolling out some sort of pastry dough. I gestured for her to continue what she had been working on.

She had her back to me, and I watched her subtle movements as she confidently laid the dough into a baking dish. Using the fingertips of both hands, she methodically crimped the edges into a traditional pie crust shape. I was transfixed by the practiced motions of her fingers as she told me some of the details of her weekend.

“Ok, so, I need to be honest with you,” she began, sounding hesitant, her eyes still on her pie. “What I told you before about wanting to spend time with Charlie was the truth, but it wasn’t the _whole_ truth,” she looked over her shoulder at me, gauging my reaction.

“Go on,” I encouraged while maintaining my relaxed posture. She kept her eyes down and continued working on her pie, pouring a viscous purple sludge into the pie crust that she had just prepared. It was hard for me to not see her expressive eyes as she spoke, but it must’ve been easier for her to speak to me this way.

“This pie..it’s a blackberry pie. I wanted the time to myself because I...God, this is going to sound so stupid,” her face scrunched up in embarrassment. “I wanted to pick blackberries to make this pie for Charlie. I was worried that I might get a little bloodied up by the thorns, and I didn’t want you or your family to be uncomfortable. Or me to be, ya know, at risk.” Bella swallowed hard and risked another glance over her shoulder. She seemed surprised by what she saw in my face. She turned around to fully face me.

“I know,” I said simply.

“And you’re not mad? Or sad? Or getting cold feet?”

I closed the distance between us and took her face between my hands.

“Just the opposite, in fact. It is a huge relief to me that you are finally starting to see us for the dangerous creatures we are, and are actively trying to keep yourself safe. It’s a load off my mind if I’m not the only one with that goal in mind.”

“Edward, I don’t think--” I cut her off.

“I _know_ you don’t think we could ever hurt you, and I’d like to think that’s true, too, but we can’t get complacent about the fact that accidents happen. And with you, they happen _a lot_. So until you’re a bit more sturdy, we shouldn't take any chances. And I appreciate that you seem to be taking that seriously.” I kissed her once more softly on the lips.

I slid my hands from the soft skin of her face, down her long neck to her shoulders, descending further down her arms, to hold her petite hands in my own. I reveled at the sensation of goosebumps raising under my fingers as they trailed across her alabaster skin. I wondered where else she got goosebumps.

“Until I’m a bit more sturdy?” she prodded with an excited gleam in her eyes. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

“It means that I’m done assuming that I know what you want better than you do. You deserve more of my trust and faith than that. If you say that a life of immortality with me is what you want, I’m going to try to start believing that.”

Her face broke into a jubilant smile.

“Now,” I continued, tucking the loose strands of hair behind her ear, “Would you allow me to make a confession of my own?”

“Oh boy. Let’s hear it,” she chewed on her luscious lower lip, and I momentarily lost focus.

“I knew about the whole blackberry scheme because I saw you pick them from where I was watching you in your yard,” I cut to the chase, utterly humiliated. Her eyes grew wide.

I continued, “I was a little thrown when you asked for your human weekend, and to be honest, it was much more difficult than it should’ve been, being away from you. I let my imagination run away with me, and I just had to know that you were safe. I am so very sorry for invading your privacy.” I said the words so quickly I wasn’t sure if she had heard. I also hoped she didn’t make me promise to never do such a thing again, because it was a promise I didn’t know if I could keep.

She was silent for a painfully long moment. I willed her with my eyes to say something.

“I should be more upset with you for spying on me,” she said, raising an eyebrow in consternation, “but it makes me anxious being away from you, too, so I get it. I’m curious though, you said your imagination ran off with you. What did you think I was doing?” She looked amused.

“Riding motorcycles with werewolves?” I said sheepishly.

“I guess I earned that,” she admitted with a shrug. She turned back around to take her now fully assembled pie and place it in the hot oven. She set a kitchen timer.

“Would you mind humoring me with one more question?” I used my most persuasive voice.

“Shoot,” she answered affirmatively.

“I was just wondering what you said to Jacob to make him leave. I wish I could’ve seen that!” I said truthfully.

She rolled her eyes at me, “Be nice!” she scolded. “I told him that he can’t just show up out of the blue. That if we’re going to hang out, it needs to be planned, otherwise, Alice’s visions don’t work right and then you go a little crazy.”

She hesitated briefly, “I hope that was ok. I wouldn’t have said anything about Alice’s gift except that she’s talked about it before right in front of him,” Bella explained.

My eyes widened. Now that came as a surprise. “Really? When?”

“When she came back to Forks and found me alive. Jacob was there, and she told us what she saw you doing in Volterra” she said scowling at the memory.

I nodded in understanding. I would be grateful for Alice for the rest of my existence.

“How long does your pie need to bake?” I asked, wanting to drop the subject of Volterra, forever, if possible.

“An hour. What should we do in the meantime? Charlie won't be back until at least 4,” Bella noted. 

I grinned at her conspiratorily. “I can think of a few things.” Wanting nothing more than to show her how much I had missed her, I picked her up and carried her in my arms to her bedroom at vampire speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you're enjoying it. I'm having so much fun writing this fic and I can't wait to see what shenanigans these two get into next. I would love to know what you think! Did I get it right? Wrong? Comments are love! (And also motivate me to get the next chapter out faster.) Thanks again!


	4. Chapter 4

Edward’s POV

  
  


I was at home during the early morning hours that I typically spent cleaning myself up and catching up with the family while Bella slept. I was sitting at my piano and had been tinkering around with a new composition when I abruptly turned away from the keys to ask Alice the question that had been burning on my mind. 

“Have you noticed anything different about Bella lately, Alice?” I asked with a furrowed brow, trying to pinpoint what had been amiss. 

“Besides the god-awful sweater she wore yesterday? Not really. Why?” Alice sounded bored. Her eyes went blank as she searched for Bella’s future but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Then she turned back to unenthusiastically scrolling the images of a fashion blog on her futuristic looking laptop, a prototype, a perk of being one of Apple’s top shareholders. 

“She just doesn’t seem like herself. She’s very subdued. It’s like she’s lost her spark. She doesn’t ever want to leave her house, not even to come here. She doesn’t want to go to La Push to see Jacob, not that I’m complaining about that.” 

I sifted through recent memories of Bella, both in my head and in Alice’s, looking for something I had missed, some red flag or interaction that had been a precursor to her sudden depression. 

  
“Bella hasn’t even picked a fight with me in what feels like months! She hasn’t said anything to you? Mentioned something she’s unhappy about?” I frowned. 

“Sounds like she’s depressed. Or maybe just being a sullen teenage girl? Isn’t that pretty par for the course for a girl her age?”

“Maybe,” I said doubtfully. “But when has Bella ever behaved like a normal teenage girl?” 

Alice looked thoughtful. 

_ I suppose it wouldn’t be all too surprising if Bella had had a “honeymoon period” when we returned to Forks, and now she’s having a delayed onslaught of post-traumatic depression. I’m no psychologist, but trauma has a way of sneaking up on people after they already thought they dealt with it.  _

“You’re no psychologist, you just have a Master’s degree on the subject,” I snorted at her.

She scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue out at me.

“Oh, very mature,” I laughed.

I crumpled up a piece of staff paper that had been lying atop my piano and lobbed it at her. in the split second before I had even moved to crumple the paper, she had crossed the room, retrieved a waste paper bin, and returned to her seat on the couch where she handily caught the projectile in the bin. It happened so fast, a human would have missed the interaction entirely. 

The levity was short-lived; however, as I processed what Alice had said in her thoughts. My Bella was suffering, and as usual, it was my fault. Could I do  _ nothing _ right by her? 

I let out a roar of frustration and swiped my hand at the stack of music on my baby grand sending the sheets of paper flying in every direction. 

_ You’ve come to the wrong person for sympathy, brother _ , she thought calmly, without looking up from her computer.  _ I  _ told _ you this would happen if you left. What did you  _ think _ would happen? That you’d come back to her after both of you attempted your own suicides, and you’d just pick up where you left off? Don’t be so obtuse, Edward. _ She scrolled faster, the only outward indication of her irritation. 

Infuriated by the truth of her words, I stalked out of the room. Bella would be waking soon and I needed to get back to her. The weight of my guilt felt like it would bury me. How would I even begin to make this right? I agonized. 

I was running now. I ran through the woods faster than a bullet train to get to Bella. A dry sob escaped my chest as I passed the clearing in the trees where I had left her on that loathsome day. 

If a vampire could feel dizzy, I would have been sick with the images I had seen in Jacob’s head of Sam Uley finding Bella in a broken heap on the forest floor, shivering and incoherent. I was under siege by the memories of all the sleepless nights Charlie had spent being jolted awake by his only daughter screaming in agony from the nightmares. The helplessness he felt when he couldn’t console her was all-consuming. 

The worst part was knowing that she probably would’ve fared better if she had been assaulted by those predators in Port Angeles rather than being “rescued” by me that night, the night I told her the truth about my world. 

No, the  _ very _ worst part of it was knowing that was true and still admitting to myself that even if I could go back and do it differently, she still would’ve ended up in my car that night.

A world in which Bella never loved me was not a world I was willing to consider. 

  
  
***

Bella’s POV

  
  


I woke up slowly, reluctantly, after a long, restless night of tossing and turning. I hadn’t opened my eyes yet, but as soon as I stretched my limbs out in my double bed and found it to be too roomy and far, far too warm, I bolted upright and looked around the room panicked. I found him sitting in the rocker with a dire expression on his face. The panic resurged. 

“What’s happened? Why do you look like that?”

Edward’s expression softened, and he smiled weakly at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Just had a long night is all, love. Did you sleep alright?”

I started to answer his question, but then it dawned on me that if he was asking me how I slept, it was because he wasn’t here. Well, that explained the dreams. I crawled out of bed and stood in front of the mirror, and groaned at my haggard appearance. 

“Not particularly, no,” I said trying to rub a kink out of my neck. He was behind me in an instant. 

“Mmm, that feels so good,” I moaned appreciatively as Edward’s icy hands massaged the tension out of my neck and shoulders. He inhaled sharply at the sound. The next thing I knew, his arms were around me, hugging me fiercely from behind.

Edward’s left arm wrapped around my torso, his hand resting on my ribcage below my right breast. The other forearm was folded across my chest, that hand gripping my left shoulder. His face was tucked between my neck and shoulder, and I could feel his ragged breath freezing a small area of skin just below my ear. 

I closed my eyes and wrapped my own arms around his, holding him to me as tightly as I could, reveling in the feeling of being enveloped by him. He held me so tightly I could barely breathe; I wished he would hold me tighter still. 

He took one last deep breath and relaxed his hold on me, but did not move his arms. I used the slack to turn around and face him. His eyes were black, and the purple shadows beneath them were more pronounced than I had ever seen them before.

I put my hands on either side of the smooth marble of his face and stroked the purple hollows with my thumbs as if to rub them away. 

“You  _ did _ have a bad night. Want to tell me about it?” 

“Eventually. But right now, all I want to do is whatever will make you smile. It feels like I haven’t seen you smile,  _ really _ smile, for so long. So your wish is my command. Tell me you want to see Paris and we’ll be taking a selfie from the top of the Eiffel Tower by nightfall. Anything you want, just name it.” 

“I don’t think the top of the Eiffel Tower is on the tour,” I ribbed. 

“Yes, well, the vampire tour is highly exclusive,” he leaned in and blazed a trail of kisses from the hollow beneath my ear to the hollow of my throat, and back again. “You’re not going to find it on Trip Advisor,” he whispered huskily in my ear making chills run down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. 

I stiffened in his arms and he immediately felt the change in my posture.

“What is it?” He put a finger under my chin and tilted my face upward until I met his eyes. Concern clouded his perfect features. 

“The last time you wanted to skip town with me, a vengeful vampire was coming after me. So what is it this time?” I asked, not bothering to keep the cynicism out of my voice. 

Edward flinched as if I had struck him. He then gathered my hands into his and pressed them against his heart. 

“I swear to you, Bella, I have no ulterior motives. And I’m sorry that...that I ever felt the need to lie to you to protect you. I will  _ never  _ lie to you again. And I will spend eternity trying to gain back your trust,” he vowed. 

“So no vengeful vampires?” I cheered slightly. 

“None,” he assured me confidently. 

“And we can go anywhere I want?”

“Anywhere.”

“Great.” I took his hand and led him back to my bed. I laid down and pulled him down next to me. He pulled me toward him so that my back was pressed up against his chest. 

“So where are we going?” he asked excitedly.

“Right here,” I snuggled deeper into his arms. 

“Bella…” he started to object. 

“You said anywhere I want. And I don’t want to be anywhere else than right here with you.”

“But there is so much of the world that you haven’t seen! I would love to show you if you would just let me. You’re only human once, after all,” he chuckled. 

“If I went on another ‘international vacation’ with you, Charlie’s head would explode. He’s only just forgiven me for my last little trip across the pond,” I said sourly. 

Edward sighed in frustration. 

“Eternity is a long time to spend in this bedroom, Bella.”

“Would you just stop with the eternity stuff?” I snapped at him and immediately regretted it.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Edward’s voice was laden with hurt. 

I broke away from him and sat cross-legged on the bed so I could see his face. He mirrored my actions. 

“It just means...you don’t want me to be a vampire. And until the Volturi forces your hand, I won’t be one, and maybe not even then. So let’s just call a spade a spade.” 

Edward was silent for a long time. 

“Bella,” his voice was velvet fire, “tell me why you think I don’t want you to be changed.”

She shrugged. “How the hell should I know, Edward? Whenever I bring it up, you get all incensed and threaten to leave,” I gestured toward the window. 

Edward’s jaw opened and then closed, but no words came out. 

“Tell me anyway,” he urged. “Tell me why you think I don’t want to change you,” he repeated, more intensely this time. 

“I won’t be warm and soft. I won’t smell like me. Maybe you’ll be able to read my mind when we’re more alike, and the novelty of that will be gone, too. All the reasons you had for loving me to begin with won’t be valid anymore.”

Edward made a choking sound in the back of his throat. 

“Isabella Marie Swan,” he almost sounded mad. “You...you think I won’t  _ love _ you anymore once you’ve been changed?” Edward’s expression was horror-struck. 

“Well if that’s not the reason, what is?”

“For starters, how about the agonizing pain?” He gingerly held up the wrist scarred by James, and I flinch at the memory of the fire coursing through my veins. 

“Or the loss of your humanity. The loss of your family and friends. The loss of your fertility. And depending on what you believe, the loss of your soul, Bella. Are those reasons sufficient, or should I go on? Because I have plenty more," he fixed me with a pointed stare. 

What could I say to that? I dropped my head and stubbornly scowled at a loose thread in my comforter. A cool finger pulled my chin back up to look at him. 

_ "Of course _ I want to spend eternity with you, you silly girl, more than you could possibly imagine! But doing so will be the most selfish act I’ll ever commit, so yes, I have some reservations. But none of those reservations have anything to do with how I will feel about you afterward. You will always be my whole world.” He cradled the side of my face with his palm. I leaned into his touch. We were quiet together like that for a long moment. 

“So, are you really not going to let me take you anywhere?” Edward asked, pouting. 

“How about to your house? I’d like to see Esme.” I suggested. 

Edward sprang off the bed and reached out his hand to help me up. 

He smiled warmly. “She’ll like that. C’mon Miss Swan, I’ll drive. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I would love to know what you think. If it wasn't immediately apparent, my name is Amanda, and I'm an angst-oholic. There is just something so sexy about a good apology, amiright? Comments are love!


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV

  
  
  


“Oh, I’m just so glad to see you, dear!” Esme hugged me as warmly as her cold body was capable of. She was beaming at me as Edward and I walked through the door, so it was impossible to doubt her sincerity. 

I was suddenly ashamed of my recent reluctance to spend much time at the Cullen home. They must be so put out with me for monopolizing all of Edward’s time over the last several weeks. I didn’t know how to explain to them that this wasn’t because I didn’t trust them. It was because I didn’t trust _myself_ not to do something clumsy or stupid and end up bleeding _._ I tended to have fewer accidents when I was quarantined in my own home. 

Just then, Jasper appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Whatever you’re feeling so guilty about, Bella, you needn’t be _.  _ And thanks for keeping Edward’s mopey ass at your place. It’s been a lot more peaceful around here,” Jasper smirked as he descended the stairs at human speed.

I could practically  _ hear  _ Edward roll his eyes at that last jab. 

Since my disastrous last birthday, Jasper was even more careful to move slowly around me and to keep a wide berth, presumably so I wouldn’t feel threatened by him. I wished he wouldn’t. 

Edward had called their home “the one place they didn’t have to hide.” To see Jasper acting so human in his own home, and on my account, bothered me. 

Jasper stopped in his tracks at the bottom of the stairs with a furrowed brow, then looked first at me, then to Edward, then back at me. He had an exasperated expression on his face. 

“There’s enough guilt and regret in this room to fill a Catholic church,” he drawled. I peeked up at Edward; he was already looking down at me quizzically.

“I guess it’s a good thing I have to head out on an errand,” Jasper tapped a yellow legal-sized envelope against the palm of his other hand--an impeccably human gesture. 

“Good to see you, Bella. Don’t be a stranger. ” He tipped his head at me and Esme in farewell and headed for the garage, this time moving just a touch faster than human speed. 

“Catch you later, Jasper,” I gave him a small wave, and redirected my attention back to Edward and Esme. Edward’s face was pinched in concern as he looked down at me. He looked frustrated. 

Esme, in an effort to diffuse the tension, looped her arm around mine and gently guided me to the kitchen. “Alice said you were coming, so I put some cookies in the oven to bake. I hope you like chocolate chip!” 

“Doesn’t everybody?” I smiled. 

“You might be the minority in  _ this  _ house,” she pointed out delicately. 

“I don’t even have to share them?! Better stop spoiling me with food, Esme. I might never want to be changed,” I joked. 

Esme laughed, charmed. Edward, however, was  _ not  _ so charmed by the casual way in which I joked about my someday immortality. I chose to ignore the way his hand that had been resting on the small of my back had balled up into a fist. 

  
  
  


**EPOV**

  
  


_ You two are a match made in heaven. Or hell. I can’t decide.  _ Jasper had been thinking as he absorbed the emotional climate in the room. 

Guilt, Regret, Anxiety. Those were  _ my _ baseline emotions these days, so it came as a shock when that was Jasper’s analysis of Bella. What could she possibly be feeling so anguished about? How typical of Bella to assign herself blame for any part of this. I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of it. 

Was  _ that  _ the reason she hadn’t wanted to come here? She didn’t want me to know how she felt? I frowned at the idea of that. It wouldn’t do for her to feel like she had to hide her feelings from Jasper, or worse, from me. I’d need to ask her about that later, somehow. 

_ Edward, dear, why don’t you go make yourself scarce so that Alice and I can have some girl time with Bella?  _

I balled up my fist at the suggestion of leaving her even for a short time, but I acquiesced. It was Esme asking, after all. I smiled and nodded.

Wrong as it may have been, I was relieved Jasper would not be at home to pose a threat to Bella, especially if I couldn’t be here to protect her. With the wedding being just around the corner, his errand was to meet with the family attorney, J. Jenks, to add Bella to our family’s financial and investment accounts in preparation of her becoming a Cullen. 

That gave me pause. I wondered if it would help quell her doubts to know that the ball was moving forward in that regard. 

I squeezed Bella gently against my side before parting from her. She looked up at me questioningly. 

“Esme is too polite to tell me to buzz off out loud, so I’m going to leave you girls to your cookies and gossip,” I grinned at my mother and leaned down to kiss Bella softly goodbye. 

The blood pooled in her cheeks as I kissed her, and when I pulled away, the soft skin had turned the same color as a ripe, sun-kissed peach. God, I’m going to miss that.

“Don’t believe anything they tell you!” I instructed her teasingly. “See you soon, my love. I’m going to go for a run. I won’t be far, but I won’t be close enough to hear, either,” I added, in case that would help her speak more freely.

“If you must,” she pouted with an exaggerated huff. Her full lower lip jutted out just a bit in the most appealing way. Now it was my turn to be dazzled. What a dangerous creature she would be when she realized the effect that pout had on me. 

Alice chose that moment to prance into the kitchen, where Bella had pulled up a stool at the island, and Esme was pulling cookies out of the oven. Bella looked on, first in horror, then in amazement as Esme didn’t bother to use an oven mitt. I marveled at my future bride’s easy acceptance of our inhumanness. She would never cease to amaze me. 

“Since you’re going to Seattle, can you do me a favor? This needs to be dropped off with the dressmaker,” Alice handed me a thumb drive and pictured the address. “Don’t you dare peek!” she glared at me threateningly. 

“I wouldn’t dare!” I feigned offense. 

“You’re going to Seattle?! That’s four hours away!” Bella yelped. 

“Maybe if I took your truck,” I winked and kissed her one last time and took my leave. 

  
  
  


**BPOV**

  
  
  
  


“So what’s new?” I broke the awkward silence that had settled over the room when Edward left. 

“You tell me! For someone who was so traumatized when we left, you sure have no trouble leaving us in the wind,” Alice glared at me icily and crossed her dainty arms across her chest. 

“ _ Alice…”  _ Esme’s tone was reproaching.

“No, no, I deserve it, Esme. I’ve been a jerk and bad friend. I’m so sorry, Alice. I wish I knew how to explain myself,” was my poor attempt at atonement. 

_ “Try,”  _ Alice gritted through her teeth. 

I could now see why Edward was so averse to being on the receiving end of Alice’s wrath. She was one scary little vampire. 

I sighed. “I promise it’s absolutely nothing personal. I’ve just been having some…” I struggled for the right word, “anxiety about getting hurt. I don’t seem to have so many accidents when I’m at home.”

“First of all, I’m your sister, not your friend. You’re gonna have to get used to that. Secondly, what do you mean by ‘accidents’? Like the kind where you get attacked by bloodthirsty vampires?” Alice asked bluntly.

“Oh dear, you’re frightened of us?” Esme’s looked horrified. 

“NO!” I almost shouted, desperate to ease the pained look on Esme’s face. 

“It’s more like, I’m afraid of doing something dumb, hurting myself in some way that causes one of you,” I used general terms not wanting to single out Jasper, “to have another lapse in control. And then Edward freaking out and jumping to all the wrong conclusions again. I’m afraid of his reactions more than anything else. I guess I was just kinda...hiding out while I’m still so breakable and  _ clumsy _ .” 

When I said it out loud, it sounded ridiculous. 

Esme had a fiercely determined look on her face.   
  
“Bella, I know we put you through a  _ terrible _ ordeal, and I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive us. But I want you to know, and you have my word on this, that I won’t let that happen again. Ever. You’re our family now, too, and I will not allow for you to be left behind. I don’t care if you’re human, vampire, or werewolf. I will  _ not _ see my family torn apart again,” Esme’s golden eyes blazed with the conviction behind her words. It was the most I’d ever heard her say at one time. 

My breath came out in a short gasp.

“Really?” Was the only word I could form around the lump in my throat. I swiped quickly at my eyes that were welling up and over. 

“Oh my darling girl, of  _ course.”  _ Esme rushed to get her arms around me. I sobbed in earnest at the sheer relief of that knowledge. That Edward  _ couldn’t  _ leave me, not unless he wanted to leave his family, too. And I was selfish enough that I was glad to have that leverage. 

I looked over at Alice, who was looking at me speculatively. 

“That still doesn’t make sense why you’ve been so weird with Edward when you’ve been at home, though. And don’t think he hasn’t noticed it either.” 

I sighed. It was going to take some getting used to, not being able to have any secrets from my family of hyper-perceptive, mind-reading, emotion-manipulating, future-telling vampires. 

“I’ve been in a funk. I know we’re planning this wedding and talking about changing me, but some part of me isn’t allowing myself to believe that those things are really going to happen because I… I just keep waiting for him to find some reason to leave me again. And..and...” 

my voice wobbled with grief. I took a deep breath through my nose to compose myself. 

“...And waiting for Edward to leave me again is like,” I paused, trying to think of a severe enough analogy, “...being cured of cancer, but spending all my time terrified that it will come back.” 

My tears were flowing freely now, and I sniffed loudly, trying to keep the snot under control. Esme and Alice embraced me from both sides, forming a protective circle around me. 

From behind me, Alice hugged me even tighter and said, “You’re a Cullen now, or you will be in 17 days. I’ve seen it. And Cullens  _ don’t get cancer _ .” She spoke with unimpeachable resolve. 

  
  
  
  


*EPOV* 

  
  


It’s an easy, quiet run to Seattle, mostly straight through the gnarled, mossy trunks of the spruce and hemlock trees populating the Olympic National Park. From there, it was a couple of short leaps over some of the narrower canals that made up the Puget Sound. Then I took to the underground, running unseen through dark and damp subway tunnels until I reached my stop: Pike Street. 

I discreetly jumped onto the platform of the city’s busiest public transit station. I blended easily into a large group of tourists and exited the station using the stairs at human speed.

The thoughts of all the people around me droned in my head like a swarm of bees.

I emerged into the salty, sea air of downtown Seattle and turned down a small sidestreet to head in the direction of the address Alice had given me. This street was quieter than the subway station, thankfully, and I found myself thinking about, what else, but my Bella. 

She already was my life, but in 17 days, she would be my wife! I smiled triumphantly. It was the first step to forever. My smile faltered a bit when I remembered Bella’s reserve from the last few weeks. For the umpteenth time, I wondered what she could possibly be thinking.

I hoped my mother and sister would be able to give me some much-needed insight when I returned home to take Bella home. 

I came to a halt as I arrived at the storefront Alice had sent me, too. It was a small, unassuming shop with a few dressmaker dolls in the window. A bell chimed as the front door swung closed behind me. An older woman was seated at a sewing machine on the far side of the room. She had her back to me, and swung around to face me at the sound of my entrance. 

“Ah, you must be Edward,” she thought of Alice’s face and could see the similarities in our pale skin and unusual eye color.

“And you must be Antoinette. Alice says you’re the best there is. Thank you so much for doing this on such short notice. I know my Bella will be an absolute vision in your creation.” I slid the thumb drive in her direction across the front desk. I briefly wondered if she’d even know how to use such a device, but if Alice wasn’t concerned, then I wouldn’t be either. 

“Congratulations!” Antoinette smiled. She approached the front desk, slipping the drive into the pocket of her apron and looked me over appreciatively. “Must be a very lucky girl. It’ll be ready in two weeks.” 

I shook my head in polite disagreement. “I’m the lucky one.” 

Antoinette smiled thinking about how “in love,” I looked. She was a romantic, and I was her favorite type of client to work for. And the generous rush fee Alice had paid her didn’t hurt, either. 

“Thanks again,” I turned and headed for the door. I had been gone for about an hour and a half at this point, and it would take me nearly that long to get back to Forks. I decided that was quite long enough for Alice and Esme to torture Bella with wedding talk and marital advice. 

Though, as I was heading back to the subway tunnels, I passed the Paramount Theater, and its marquis advertising the upcoming opening day of the musical production of Phantom of the Opera. I looked at the poster of the iconic white mask and the red rose. I could hear the distant notes of “Music of Night” coming from inside the theater where the actors were rehearsing. 

I thought of Bella’s love for the classics, and especially tragic romance. And I decided Andrew Lloyd Webber would be right up her alley and headed for the box office. I slid my credit card through the small slot in the plastic divider and purchased two of the best seats available for the following weekend. 

The theater employee looked at me in surprise, wondering how such a young kid could afford to pay for such pricey tickets. She suspiciously asked for my ID, which I slid out of my wallet. 

_ Whoever pays the bill for that credit card is going to be pissed.  _ The employee thought with a grimace. 

I thanked her again as I slid the small envelope containing the tickets into the inside pocket of my leather jacket. As plans for our date night started to come together in my mind, I was even more excited to get back to my Bella. 

My phone chirped in my pocket. 

“I know just the dress!” was the text from Alice, followed by every heart-shaped and kissy faced emoji in existence. 

Once I finally made it back to the subway tunnel, I was off like a rocket. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I fought with this chapter a lot, but I'm ultimately pretty happy with how it turned out. The POV jumps around, but I thought it was important to show that Bella's perceptions are not always accurate. But neither are Edward's for that matter! I would love to know what you think! Comments are love!


	6. Chapter 6

BPOV 

  
  


I felt like a weight had been lifted after my little breakdown in the kitchen with Esme and Alice. For some reason, it was easier to believe them when they promised me they wouldn’t disappear.    
  
Much to Alice’s utter delight, the wedding planning also helped to get me somewhat excited about the upcoming ceremony. She helped me to realize how much the whole shebang would mean to Edward, even if it caused me some, ok, a  _ lot _ of embarrassment.    
  


I would just have to make it a point to get rip-roaring drunk at the reception so no one would believe I was knocked up. I laughed to myself imagining that, but then remembered I was clumsy enough as it was when sober. A drunken version of myself would almost certainly twist an ankle in the  _ ridiculous  _ 4-inch heels that Alice insisted on, and fall right into the cake table. I cringed.    
  
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I grinned, knowing without having to look that it would be an incensed text from Alice.

A cool hand stroked the side of my face bringing me back to reality. 

“A penny for your thoughts? Although, watching you daydream is just as enthralling as watching you sleep,” Edward’s eyes were liquid topaz today. He wore my favorite crooked smile. 

He was driving me home in my truck, where I had been silently watching the world pass by through my rain-streaked window when he reached across the space between us and caressed my cheek. 

I reached up and held his hand to my face. I closed my eyes, breathing him in and nuzzling his hand with my cheek. He inhaled swiftly with a soft gasp. 

I felt his hand disappear from my face, and before I could process what was happening, he leaned over, wrapped an arm around my waist, and pulled me across the seat to his side. He kept his arm wrapped around me, and my head was now resting against the marble of his shoulder. In this pose, in my old truck, and with his leather jacket, we could have passed as Danny and Sandy from “Grease.”

Being the stinker that I am, I was purposefully vague, “I was just thinking about the wedding.”. 

When I didn’t elaborate, he huffed. He was so cute when he was impatient. 

“I’m afraid to ask but, what is it about our impending nuptials that has you laughing out loud and then  _ cringing _ ,” he grimaced. 

“Only me, of course. I don’t think there is a soul alive or departed that could ever laugh at  _ you _ , Edward Cullen,” I batted my eyelashes at him. His eyes went wide, then turned molten. I continued, putting him out of his fascinated misery.

“I was thinking that maybe I should make it a point to get fall-down-drunk at the wedding, and then no one would think I was pregnant. But then I’d probably twist an ankle and fall into the cake,” I smiled wryly.

“That’s probably fairly accurate considering you’re a fall-down-sober,” his chest shook with laughter. I scowled in false indignation, and smacked his thigh with a thwap that left my hand throbbing. He laughed louder and pulled me tighter to his side. 

“Alice texted me her disapproval. Let’s see what she said.” My phone was in my back pocket, so I had to lean in even closer to Edward, shifting my weight off that side, so I could retrieve my phone. In doing so, I inadvertently pressed my breast fully into Edward’s side; he let out a soft groan at the contact. The sound made my heart race, and I was sure he could hear the difference. 

Remembering the task at hand, I held the phone out in front of me and read the text out loud. 

“OVER MY UNDEAD BODY!!!”

Edward and I both howled in hysterics. As the paroxysms of laughter faded, I sighed contentedly, and we sat momentarily in a comfortable silence.

Edward pulled my truck up against the curb in front of my house and put it in park, but he didn’t release his hold on me. 

“I’ve missed this.” Edward said quietly, gesturing to the light mood between us. 

“Me too.”

I thought about apologizing. I knew my own insecurities were to blame for the darkness that had befallen me as of late, but I also knew he wouldn’t hear of it. It would just bring on another round of apologies, and I didn’t want any more apologies.

I took solace in the fact that we would be married in just a couple weeks, and though it was just “a piece of paper,” --and every bit as breakable as my frail human body was--I hoped that the legally binding commitment would somehow strengthen the hold I had on him. He could leave his girlfriend, sure, but could he leave his  _ wife? _ Probably not as easily, I reasoned. 

“So I was thinking,” he began. He looked a little...nervous? My eyes widened at his tone. Edward was never nervous. Now I was the one frustrated that I couldn’t read his mind.

  
“Since you seem more willing to leave your house now, I was wondering if you’d like to go out on a real date with me? Things are going to get a little hectic with the wedding coming up, and I’d really just love to spend some alone time with you in the outside world before that happens.” 

I sighed in relief. I could handle that.

“As long as it’s not in Paris, you’ve got yourself a date.” 

Before I could utter another word, he had let himself out of the truck and flew over to the passenger side where he held the door open for me, extending a hand to help me down.

I accepted his proffered hand and carefully stepped down to the sidewalk. He pulled me in for a long, lingering kiss that left me dazzled and wobbly. Edward steadied me and wordlessly walked me to my door. 

“Thank you, Bella,” he gently squeezed both of my hands in his own; his golden eyes were exuberant. I couldn’t be sure of what, but it seemed like he was thanking me for something much more significant than a date. 

  
  


**EPOV** 

The rain in her hair had concentrated her sweet, alluring scent making the flames in my throat intensify. I had grown to love that burn, because it meant that she was close, safe,  _ human.  _ The searing pain was a price I’d been willing to pay for the rest of her human life if it would spare her an eternity of night. 

That she was so willing to give up her humanity just to spend eternity with a monster such as myself, _ so that she could be a monster herself _ , was a sacrifice that I couldn’t wrap my enhanced brain around, no matter how many times I tried. How could I ever repay her for that? I couldn’t. I already knew that, but I’d spend eternity trying. 

“Thank you, Bella,” I told her, though it felt wholly inadequate. 

“You’ll be back after I feed Charlie?” Bella asked after I walked her to her door, a little “v” forming between her eyes. 

I smiled at Bella’s endearing habit of talking about her parents like they were her children, instead of the other way around. 

“And not a moment later,” I promised, using my thumb to smooth out the little “v.” She smiled at that. I kissed her softly once more, and waited for her to let herself inside the door before I made for home. 

**

Not long into my run, I felt the vibration of my phone buzzing in my pocket. I came to a dead stop, fearful it might be Alice with some kind of bad news, which was the constant anxiety that I carried around whenever Bella was out of my sight. 

It wasn’t Alice though, it was a message from Bella. 

_ Complication. Charlie brought Billy and Jacob home for dinner. Please don’t worry. He won’t hurt me. (And I won’t hurt you.) I’ll let you know as soon as they’re gone.  _ _  
_ _ Xoxo Your Bella.  _

Barely a moment passed after I had read it did Alice call me.

Without preamble, I said “I already know, Alice. Bella let me know that the Blacks would be joining her and Charlie for dinner. But thank you for the heads up.” 

Alice was not used to being beaten to the punch. “She--Oh, ok. Bye then!” Alice chirped and the line went dead. 

I gritted my teeth at the development but kept going back to Bella’s message. She knew me so well. First of all, that she managed to get a warning through to me before Alice even did was truly remarkable.

Secondly, the words she wrote, as succinct as they were, went a long way to ease the anxiety I felt about Jacob being with her.  _ He won’t hurt me. I won’t hurt you. _

Was there no end to the amount of goodness in this girl? Her heart and psyche were still battered and bruised from the trauma I caused her, and yet, she was still worried about  _ my  _ feelings.

_ Xoxo Your Bella  _

My Bella. A reminder. 

I typed out a quick response.    
  
_ Thanks for letting me know, love.  _ _ Have a pleasant evening! I’ll be missing you and waiting for your call.  _ _  
  
_

That just sounded pathetic. I scrubbed that last part out. 

_ Thanks for letting me know, love.  _ _ It will feel like a lifetime has passed until I can look upon your exquisite face once more.  _

Way to sound 105, Edward, I growled in frustration and stabbed at the delete button. Right now I felt every bit the 17-year old boy who was stumbling over my words in reaction to this beguiling girl. 

And while I appreciated the technology that allowed me to get in touch with her almost anywhere instantly, I cursed the plain, ugly typeface. A handwritten letter in my own perfect calligraphy left a certain j e ne sais quoi. 

_ Thanks for letting me know, love. I’ll be thinking of your exquisite face every moment I’m gone.  _ _  
_ _  
_ I sighed and hit send before shoving the phone back in my pocket. That would have to do. If she hadn’t figured out already how old and pathetic I am, it was only a matter of time. She was to be my wife, after all. I grinned at the thought.

Like the bullet out of a gun, I took off again through the trees.    


  
  


**BPOV**

  
  


“Dad, I’m going to go see if Bella needs any help in the kitchen,” I inwardly groaned as I heard Jake seeking me out from where he and our dads were watching a football game.

Dinner had passed by uneventfully with both our dads around to act as a buffer. I was dreading the moment when I knew he would try to speak to me alone. 

Billy grunted out an acknowledgment, and moments later the kitchen Jake came striding in the kitchen through the pale yellow swinging door. 

“Hey Bella, long time no see,” he said in an accusing tone. 

“I know you’re probably mad at me, Jake. I’m sorry I haven’t been up to La Push to see you,” I said guiltily. 

“I guess it’s not your fault if the bloodsucker keeps you away. I’m just glad you’re still...you,” Jake lamented, keeping his voice low. 

“You thought I--” I choked off in surprise. I nearly dropped the dish I’d been drying. 

“Graduation was weeks ago. And barely any contact from you, so yeah, that’s kinda where my mind went,” Jake admitted, his voice was glum. 

It was tempting to let Edward take the blame, knowing there wouldn’t be any love lost between the two of them anyway, but Jake deserved to know the truth. 

“I’ve been in a bit of a funk these past few weeks. I haven’t even been to see the rest of the Cullens until today if it’s any consolation.”

His eyes opened wide at my revelation. 

“I don’t understand. He’s back. I thought you were, like, all happy and in love with him again.” 

I smiled patiently, not expecting him to understand. 

“I  _ am  _ happy and in love. I just...haven’t been able to convince myself that he won’t just take off on me again if he thinks he’s doing the right thing.”

“He  _ would _ be doing the right thing, Bella,” Jake replied acidly. 

“Don’t start, Jake,” I said wearily. “Let’s go outside so we can talk.” I headed through the back door that led to the yard, and he followed behind. The kitchen was too small for this conversation.

“Listen, Jake, there’s something I need to tell you, and you should hear it from me. You’re probably not going to like it, so go stand over there, just in case.”

“Why don’t I like the sound of that, Bella?” Jacob replied, but did as I asked. He was twenty feet away now. “Alright, just spit it out.”

“Edward and I are getting married.” Jacob screwed his eyes shut, his fists were clenched at his side. 

“ _ Why _ ?” he spit through his teeth, his eyes screwed shut. “You’re just barely 18 years old? What’s the hurry? Did he knock you up with his leech spawn?” Jacob sneered. He was shaking now.

Now I was also clenching my fists and straining to keep my temper in check.

“You need to calm down, Jake. It’s just a piece of paper, right? Nothing compared to what you thought had already happened to me,” I downplayed trying to deescalate the scene that was unfolding in my backyard. 

“If it’s just a piece of paper, then why are you doing it?” Jake seethed. 

I wasn’t about to tell him that that was the only way Edward would agree to change me himself. So I settled for, “If I’m never going to get to see anyone again, I want to give my parents the best possible ending to remember me by,” I said gently. . 

Jake’s breath came out in a rush. His voice was a strangled rasp, “you wouldn’t have to die to be with me, Bella. Why can’t you see that?”

“He’s the reason I breathe, Jake. Why can’t you see  _ that?”  _ I implored him.

The shattered expression on Jake’s face made me want to take it all back, but I couldn’t. I refused to hurt either one of them anymore with my selfishness. I knew which one of them I couldn’t live without. 

Jacob seemed to be more in control of himself now, and he stomped toward the house, brusquely brushing my shoulder as he passed me. 

“Dad, it’s time to go!” he called inside as he slammed the screen door shut behind him. My chin trembled as I considered that that was not the only door being slammed shut between Jake and me. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading and reviewing! Just like Edward, I want to hear your thoughts, good, bad, & ugly.  
> Comments are love!


	7. Chapter 7

**BPOV**

  
  


“So why did Jake need to leave in such a hurry? It was barely even halftime,” Charlie grumbled.

“I--I told him about being engaged to Edward. He actually took it better than I thought,” I didn’t meet his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment there. I knew which side Charlie was rooting for. 

“Ah. Right, that,” Charlie cleared his throat. “You know it’s not too late to change your mind. If you’re feeling pressured--” Charlie began. 

“My feet are toasty warm, Dad. I’ll never change my mind about Edward,” I reassured him. 

“I guess I still just don’t understand the rush. You’re not pregnant,” he glanced down at my midsection, “and marriage is such a big step. I mean..why not just live with the guy? I hate to say it. I feel like a bad dad saying it, but I’d rather you did that than find yourself divorced, or worse, a single mom before you’ve even turned 20. Just think about what you’re doing, Bella.” 

I blinked at him, absorbing what he was saying. 

“You were a young single father, Dad. Was it so horrible of a mistake?” I challenged him with a steely glare. He recoiled as if I struck him. 

“You  _ know  _ that’s not what I meant, Bella. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me if you need me to say it out loud. You’re a smart girl with your whole life ahead of you! Just...think about what you’re doing,” he reiterated, his eyes were heavy with concern. 

I turned on my heel and stomped up the stairs. I took my phone out of my pocket to dial Edward, but he was already in my room when I slammed the door shut behind me. 

I startled at the sight of him sitting on my bed, a mournful expression on his face. 

“He meant that, you know. He’s never once thought of you as anything other than a gift. He hates himself for putting that idea in your head,” Edward murmured, regret etched in his eyes and the set of his mouth. 

“Yeah well, he should remember who’s side he’s supposed to be on,” I muttered. 

“You expect him to take the side of the monster that abandoned you in the woods?” Edward asked gently, his sad eyes touched by incredulity. 

“I expect him to take  _ my side.  _ To respect  _ my  _ choice _. _ ” I pointed at my chest, poking myself in the sternum so hard I was sure it would leave a bruise. 

“And besides,” I railed, “someday Jacob could imprint on someone else, and then he’d just abandon me, too,” I fumed. “How would I explain my shape-shifting kids to him?!” I tantrumed, throwing my hands up in the air. I knew my father couldn’t possibly understand any of this, but I had to be mad at  _ someone.  _

Edward looked like I could have knocked him over with a feather. 

** EPOV **

_ Shape-shifting kids?  _ I mouthed as my Bella-- in all her glorious fury-- painted a bleak picture of how she imagined herself fitting into the werewolves’ world. 

To her credit, and my horror, she had imagined a future with Jacob Black even more thoroughly than I had. But the corners of my mouth turned up a little as I considered that at some point Bella had imagined a future with Jacob, a future with children, but still she chose me.    
  
Her choice, I’d always assumed, was made out of naivete or short-sightedness. She didn’t know the realities of the soulless existence she was choosing, how could she? She was so young, she couldn’t possibly know the magnitude of what she was giving up, or so I thought. But maybe she understood more than I knew. My guilt lessened marginally. 

“How much did you hear, anyway?” Bella asked, momentarily distracted from her tirade. 

“Oh, sorry,” I smiled apologetically. “I was with Alice when your future came back into focus. I got here not long after Charlie suggested we live in sin,” I said wryly. “I hope you don’t mind that I came before you called me. I was more than a little anxious to get back to you.” 

“So you didn’t hear what happened with Jake, then?” Bella asked, chewing on her lip. She plopped down on the bed next to me, and threw herself backward so she was laying atop her quilt with her mahogany hair fanned out around her face like flames. 

I twisted my body around to look at her prone form. I took her small hand in mine, and in what I hoped was a soothing gesture, I stroked the back of her hand with just the tips of my cool fingers. 

“I must’ve missed it,” I tried to sound casual but was hoping she would tell me about every moment I had missed. I was imagining the worst. Bella threw an arm over her eyes, hiding her face from me. My anxiety heightened. 

Before I could beg her to tell me what had happened, she moaned, “I told Jake we’re getting married.”

Her voice was garbled by the back of her arm that was still obscuring her face. Using as little pressure as possible, I took hold of her elbow, and peeled her arm away from her face. It was hard enough trying to read her face when she was looking right at me. 

It would not be helpful to let her see how exultant I was in that moment, even if I  _ was _ a little disappointed that I didn’t get to tell him myself, or at least see the look on the mongrel’s face when she told him of our engagement. I sighed too quietly for her to hear. I guess I would just have to imagine his defeat.

I focused my thoughts. No, what she needed from me in that moment was to be supportive and compassionate, not boastful and cheery, much as I might have felt that way. 

“I’m so sorry, love. That must’ve been…”  _ Amazing… _ ”terribly difficult for you. I know how much his friendship means to you.” 

I tried to look as sincere as I knew I sounded. I wasn’t proud of my skilled abilities to deceive, but being a good liar was ‘Survival 101’ for a vampire. And while I promised I would never lie to her again, I also promised that I would never hurt her again, either, and that promise seemed of far greater importance than the former one did in this particular situation. 

“How did he take it?” I asked, surreptitiously checking her over for injuries.

“I’m  _ fine _ , Edward,” Bella missed nothing. “In fact, you’d be proud of me. I made him stand 20 feet away from me before I told him anything.” ‘

I couldn’t hide my smile at that. 

“I’m  _ always  _ proud of you, love.” I ruffled her hair. “But today, I’m exceptionally so. Though, you didn’t answer my question.” 

“He didn’t phase, if that’s what you’re asking. He looked like he was trying not to, and I tried my best to calm him down. He thought..” she hesitated. I swallowed a groan. It never got any easier for me when she kept her thoughts to herself. 

“What did he think?” I coaxed.

“He thought you already changed me. Because graduation came and went, and I haven’t been down to see him in so long.” I stiffened. I wondered if his curiosity was his own, or for the wolf pack’s benefit.

“He must’ve been relieved to see that wasn’t true,” I said. Making assumptions always seemed to get her to talk more than asking questions. 

“Yeah, at first. Then he was freaking out about us getting married, so I reminded him of that. That marriage isn’t nearly as big of a deal by comparison. Just a piece of paper, right?” She sat up then. 

I grimaced at her lackluster description of what would be the most momentous day of my 105 years. 

“So then he asked if it was just a piece of paper, why get married at 18? I didn’t want to tell him about our agreement, so I told him the other reason about wanting to give my parents a proper goodbye,” her eyes looked far away as she remembered the confrontation. Her voice trembled slightly as she retold it. 

My eyes burned into hers, silently willing her to tell me what she was obviously leaving out. 

She sighed, averting her eyes from me. 

“And then he said I didn’t need to die for him. And at that point I was getting real sick of hearing that from  _ both of you _ ,” she glared at me, “So I told him you’re the only reason I breathe at all. And then he stalked off.” 

I’m the reason she breathes? The words felt wrong in that order. Once again, I found myself completely awestruck by her unwavering ability to love a monster like me so boldly and unapologetically despite the unforgivable ways in which I’ve hurt her. I would never be worthy of her. 

“How ironic,” I murmured, “because you take my breath away.” 

I cupped my hand around the side of her face and kissed her with all the enthusiasm I could muster without actually hurting her. I couldn’t bring myself to kiss her chastely when it felt like doing so would make me explode with my unspent love and desire. We fell backward on the bed, feverishly kissing, panting, and touching.

I rolled her so that she was on top of me, straddling my lap, and I kissed her senseless. When she needed to catch her breath, I kissed up and down her throat instead. 

As I worshipped the long lines of her throat, my fingers curled around her ribcage and glided down until they encircled her slender waist. My hands descended even further and, my God, the curve of her hips between my hands unlocked primal urges within me that I had never felt before, not even as a human. 

When I found myself resisting the urge to thrust up at her, I knew I needed to reign myself in or else risk gravely injuring her. As I extricated myself from her soft, supple body, some part of me was revolted by the ungentlemanly ways in which I had pawed at her body.

Though, a larger part of me could never regret giving in to the passion that she inspired, especially given how enthusiastic of a partner she was. The sight of her above me, her fair falling down around us, the sound of her soft moans. Her  _ scent.  _ Before I could do something I’d regret, I was across the room. She froze at the sudden loss of contact. 

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not,” Bella panted, her face flushed scarlet from her hairline down to the smooth skin that disappeared beneath the neckline of her blouse. 

Keeping my eyes closed, I held up a finger, needing a moment to compose myself. I swallowed compulsively at the venom that pooled in my mouth.

She giggled coquettishly. “17 more days, lover boy,” she winked. My eyes flew open at her wanton teasing and I growled. Her heart stuttered at the sound. 

What a dangerous creature she was. 

“I said we’d  _ try _ ,” I reminded her. I’d said that phrase to her so many times it was starting to feel like the punchline of a joke from some 90’s sitcom. I could practically hear the laugh track playing in the background. 

Thinking better of rejoining her on the bed, I sat in the rocking chair in the corner, instead. She sat up to face me, crossing her denim-covered legs beneath her. 

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to, I don't know, build up to it a little bit? As opposed to waiting until our wedding night to go 0 to 60? Or in your case, 0 to 100, ‘Mr. Vampires like to go fast.’” 

She might’ve had a point about that, but I was not willing to concede the merits of that position when I was still struggling to control myself. At least my most pressing thirst, for the moment, was not for her blood. Though the craving I had for her body and her touch was nearly just as dangerous to her. 

“Bella,” I groaned. “You are going to be the death of me! You are too desirable for your own good,” I smirked at her.

“Really?” She asked in a surprised tone looking pleased with herself.

“You still don’t see yourself very clearly, do you? Put it this way, I’m not sitting over here trying to control my  _ bloodlust _ ,” I hinted. I glanced down at my hands that were folded in my lap hiding the uncomfortable tightness of my jeans. Her eyes widened in surprise. 

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, blushing fiercely.

“What are you thinking?” I implored, hoping I hadn’t offended her with my vulgar innuendo.

She shook her head. “Too embarrassing.” 

“Bella,” my tone reproached her. She still stayed silent. 

“I know I’ve been...a bit repressive when it comes to the physical side of our relationship. And you know why I have to be. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about you like that. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I don't  _ want  _ you like that. That couldn’t be further from the truth!

...So if there are things you want to talk about, or ask me about, I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. I’ll always do my best to be honest with you. And I’d  _ never  _ laugh at you,” I said sincerely. 

“I guess I was just wondering if...well if you were a human boy, I could be reasonably sure what you’d do when you got home after having those...urges. I was just wondering if that was the same for you?” 

Was she really asking me about  _ that?  _ “Like I’ve told you before, Bella. I may not be human, but I _ am _ a man,” I grinned devilishly at the little vixen.

That made me curious, but I snapped my mouth shut before I could offend her ladylike sensibilities. 

“Nuh-uh, you don’t get to do that, either, Cullen. Spill it!” She pointed at me accusingly. 

“I guess I was just wondering…” I repeated her words using the same reticent tone, “what  _ you  _ do about those urges when I’m not around.” 

She burst out laughing, a reaction I did not expect. “That’s sort of my problem, Edward. I would if I could, but when am I ever alone?” She guffawed. 

My eyes opened wide at the revelation. So if I wasn’t with her all the time, she’d be...while thinking of me? I groaned at the mental picture of it. This conversation was not helping the matter of my control. At all. But it  _ did  _ give me an idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it hot in here? Poor Edward can't escape Bella's human hormones for long. Or mine either for that matter, buahaha! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Will try to get another update out soon. Comments are love!


	8. Chapter 8

**BPOV**

  
  


Edward and I were enjoying a sunny afternoon in our meadow. He was laying on the ground on a blanket of violet-hued aster blossoms. His face, otherworldly in its beauty, glittered like diamonds in the sunlight, and his eyes were closed. I laid beside him, my head resting on his silent chest. He had one arm wrapped around me, and his other hand was resting on his stomach. My fingers idly traced little swirls on the back of his hand.

“I was thinking,” Edward’s velvet voice broke the comfortable silence, “I want to try a little experiment.”

“What kind of experiment?” I had asked him warily. 

“Remember when you asked me for a human weekend?”

Not liking where this was heading, I said, “I remember what a horrible idea that was. Go on.” 

He chuckled and sat up slightly and rubbed my back in request for me to do the same. I begrudgingly sat up and crossed my legs under me so I could look at him properly. 

“I don’t want you to take this as me not wanting to spend as much time with you…,” he began, and my heart started thundering. He heard the difference. 

“Hey,” he crooned, tilting my chin up with his finger so he could see my panicking face. “Please don’t be upset. Just let me finish what I was saying before you jump to conclusions. This is nothing bad. I promise.”

I looked at him doubtfully and chewed my lip. How could anything that resulted in us spending less time together be anything other than bad?

He read the skepticism in my face and in my silence; I heard him sigh. 

“Bella, you are the center of my universe.” After a short pause he said softly, slowly, and in his most emphatic voice, “I am never leaving you again.” It was impossible to doubt the sincerity I heard there, but I’d thought that same thing once before.

“What is your experiment?” I snapped. 

“Well, I was just thinking about what you said the other night. About how you’re never alone.”

I flushed instantly, remembering the context of that particular conversation. He chuckled at my traitorous skin and ever so slightly stroked my cheekbone with the back of his hand. 

“That wasn’t a complaint, you know!” I scowled, still not liking where this was going. 

“I know, I know,” he laughed, but continued. “But I couldn’t help but think about how true that is, and about all the things you’re missing out on because you spend all of your time with me. And that’s not a complaint, either,” he hastily qualified.

“I’m not missing out on anything,” I argued stubbornly. “The outside world holds no interest for me without you,” I quoted him. 

“Bella,” he said more sternly now, probably annoyed that I’d thrown his own words back in his face. “When was the last time you read a new book? Or tried out a new recipe? Or went out with your friends?” 

“You sound like Charlie,” I said in mild disgust.

“And he’s not wrong!” Edward countered just a bit louder. He seemed to realize that and said in a softer tone, “I don’t  _ want  _ to spend less time with you. That’s not what this is about. I want you to spend more time doing the things you love, the things that make you Bella, “ he reached out and cupped the side of my face. I leaned into his hand, then turned my head and kissed the smooth stone of his palm. 

I looked at him, unmoved, and said nothing. He laughed again, this time there was a hard edge to it. 

“How about this, since you brought up Charlie. You know how much he hates how much time we spend together. He thinks I monopolize all your time to the detriment of your other relationships, and he’s not wrong about that either. He was recently thinking about staging an intervention where he talked to you about how to know when you’re in an abusive relationship.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “He wouldn’t dare!” I gasped, infuriated at the very idea. 

“Oh, he would,” Edward disagreed. “He’s seen it all too many times before where a poor young girl is controlled and manipulated by some guy. He isolates her, gets her to break away from family and friends, and that’s when the violence usually starts,” Edward’s face was downcast, his eyes doleful.

“He’d never forgive himself if something like that happened to you and he did nothing to prevent it. And if that’s not enough of a reason for you...I would really like it if Charlie didn’t hate me. He’s about to be my father-in-law after all, and this is one small thing you could do that would boost his opinion of me.” He unleashed the full power of his eyes on me.

I sighed in capitulation. Edward asked so little of me. I could do this for him.

“You should have led with that instead of trying to make it about me! Did you really think a new book would be enough to keep me away from you?” I snorted at him incredulously. 

“I sure hoped it would,” he half-smiled. “The whole abusive boyfriend narrative isn’t exactly a flattering comparison. Particularly when you are as clumsy as you are, and you bruise like a peach,” he glared at me accusingly. 

I cringed. I couldn’t argue with him there. 

“Ok, I will make more of an appreciable effort to spend more time pursuing other activities, on one condition,” I put my poker face on. 

“What’s your condition?” Edward raised an eyebrow and wore an amused smirk on his perfect face. 

“That you still spend nights in my room, since Charlie doesn’t even know you’re there to begin with,” I reasoned. 

He pretended to think about it. “Oh, alright. You drive a hard bargain,” I was rewarded with my favorite crooked smile. 

  
  


***

  
  


That conversation was the reason I was currently sitting on the couch watching a rerun of NCIS with Charlie. 

“So no Edward tonight, huh? You two fighting or something?” Charlie gave me a sideways glance before taking a swig of beer and swallowing it loudly. 

“Edward thinks I don’t spend enough time with my friends and pursuing my hobbies,” I stated, holding up my new book. It was the sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird that I didn’t even know existed. Like a soap doll in a tree trunk, the paperback had appeared on my pillow with a note that read: 

_ Thought you could use some new reading material. From someone who has experience being dragged out of the darkness by a curious girl, thank you, always, for sharing the radiance of your light. Love, Your Boo _

Charlie had a look of surprise. “Well that’s decent of him,” he admitted with a small smile. “Nice to know you’ll listen to your boyfriend but not your dear ol’ dad,” Charlie rolled his eyes and then lurched forward to grab an issue of Sports Illustrated off the coffee table, rolled it up, and playfully whacked me on the arm with it.

It was hard for me to stay mad at Charlie when I knew that in his own way, he had been just as traumatized by Edward leaving as I had been because when Edward left me,  _ I left Charlie.  _ Maybe not in the physical sense, but certainly in a figurative one. Knowing how difficult it still was for me to believe that Edward wouldn't just disappear again, Charlie had to have the same fears. 

My heart ached to know that in the very near future I would have to leave Charlie for good, and I was suddenly glad for my imposed Edward-free time. With Edward around, I was like a moth to a flame. It was hard for me to be aware of anything or anyone else when he was near. Without him, hard as it was for me, it was easier for my eyes to adjust to my other priorities. 

“How’s Sue doing? Are you two ‘a thing,’ yet?” 

Charlie looked at me and took another swig of his beer. He was about as comfortable talking to me about his love life as I was talking to him about mine.

“It’s only been a few months since Harry passed. We’re taking things very slow.” 

It was hard to believe that only such a short time had passed since the turn of events that had precipitated Edward going to the Volturi to end his life. I internally shuddered thinking of what a close call that had been. It felt like a short lifetime had passed since Edward had come back to me.

“Well don’t take it  _ too  _ slow. Life is too short, and you two are good for each other. Why don’t you ask her over for dinner this week? I’ll make something special.” I smiled at him encouragingly. I was suddenly desperate to know that he’d be taken care of after I was gone from his life.

“Uh, okay, sure. I’ll call her tomorrow. Thanks, kid!”  He reached over and ruffled my hair. He wore a tired smile, but there was a spark of something else behind the warm brown eyes that matched mine exactly.

“Anytime, Dad.”

  
  


**EPOV**

  
I was in my room, on my laptop researching restaurants to take Bella to on our date night when I heard Alice’s footsteps stop outside my door. 

_ Knock Knock _ , she thought. 

“C’mon in Alice,” I replied, without looking up from the screen. 

“Did you have a nice time with Bella,” Alice asked in a neutral tone.

“I always do,” I replied mildly. 

_ Navy, cornflower, cerulean, indigo, azure, sapphire, royal, baby, sky, robin’s egg... _

“Alice, you are reciting the shades of blue in your head. What are you keeping from me?” I said in a flat voice. 

_ Aqua, turquoise, ocean, midnight-- _

“You came to  _ my _ door, remember?” I gritted in annoyance. 

“I just wanted to ask you if Bella is doing any better?” Alice’s mental focus slipped, and for a fraction of a second, a memory of Bella crying in my mother’s arms flashed in Alice’s head. My whole body tensed.

“What was  _ that,  _ Alice?” My voice was razor-edged. 

_ Cobalt, teal, lapis, slate, Prussian.  _

“Alice!” I growled. 

Jasper appeared by her side in an instant, not at all happy about the aggressive tone I’d used with her. 

“It’s fine, Jazzy. Edward is always extra cantankerous when he has his nose rubbed in the mess he’s made,” Alice said in a clipped voice. Jasper nodded in understanding. I felt a wave of calm pass over me before he drifted back out of the room. 

In my most persuasive voice, I asked, “What did I just see, Alice?”

”The reason I’m standing here, Edward. She just didn’t seem all that great when she was here. I was  _ trying _ to spare you the visuals so you wouldn’t be all miserable with yourself, but if you insist on poking around in my head, don’t blame me for what you see.” 

If I had a nickel for every time I’d heard that. I rolled my eyes at her, as if I had any choice but to see and hear the thoughts of other people. 

Alice sighed impatiently.  _ Don’t overreact. She was just letting out some of the poison you filled her head with. It’s a good thing, really. If she’s talking, she’s healing.  _

The memory of Bella returned. Her shattered voice filled my head. 

_ “...And waiting for Edward to leave me again is like...being cured of cancer, but spending all my time terrified that it will come back.”  _

The words cut me to the core. Jane’s sadistic gift felt like a warm hug in comparison to seeing the hurt I’d caused the one person I loved more than anyone or anything else in this world combined. If I hadn’t already been sitting, I would’ve dropped to my knees. I slumped over where I sat, elbows on my knees, head in my heads. I tugged ruthlessly at the ends of my hair. 

“What do I do, Alice? How do I fix this?” My voice was a ragged whisper. 

“All you can do is what you’re already doing, Edward. She’s already forgiven you, she just doesn’t trust you. There are no magic words or gestures that can erase what’s been done. All you can do is keep showing up for her, and eventually, you’ll gain her trust back,” Alice put a comforting hand on my shoulder. It was more than I deserved. 

I placed my hand over hers and met her sympathetic gaze with despairing eyes. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you, Alice. I know you love her, too. I was a fool for thinking I could bet against you.” 

“And don’t you forget it!” She quipped, giving my shoulder a little squeeze, and then left me to the hellfire of my guilt. 

  
  


**BPOV**

  
  
  


I had just gotten out of the shower and was standing in front of the mirror wearing nothing but a towel and tugging a hairbrush through my damp hair. I was rushing because I was expecting Edward to appear at my bedroom window at any moment. I looked around the small steamy bathroom for my pajamas and remembered with a muttered curse that I had left them on my dresser. 

I double-checked that my towel was secure and that Charlie wasn’t in the hallway and darted back to my room. I quickly surveyed the room for Edward in his usual spots, the rocker and the bed, and when I didn’t see him, I let myself in the door and closed it quickly behind me.

From somewhere to my right, I heard Edward’s sharp intake of breath. My eyes squeezed shut in utter mortification. I’d missed him sitting at my desk near the door. I slowly turned around and Edward was in front me, eyes averted, my forgotten pajamas held out in his extended hand.

I took them from him, my fingers brushing against his. I looked at him then, with his head turned away, his jaw clenched tight. Why was I so embarrassed? This man was going to be my husband, and wasn’t I always asking, no  _ begging, _ for more physical intimacy from him? 

“I’m so sorry, Bella. I should have noticed that you forgot to take your clothes with you.” 

I took a step toward him and placed a hand on his face, trying to turn it in my direction. I might as well have been trying to reposition the Statue of David. 

“Hey, Edward, it’s ok. You can look,” I said in my bravest voice. 

His eyes widened, but his gaze stayed locked on some spot on the wall. 

“I’m pretty sure that would be the very definition of going 0 to 100, love,” Edward’s voice was strained. 

“They’re just shoulders and knees. I wasn’t wearing much more than this when you took me to Prom,” I shrugged, which is an unwise thing to do when you’re wearing a towel. It hadn’t fallen, just loosened a bit, but I quickly moved to refasten the towel around my bust. 

Ever so slowly, his head turned to face me, but his eyes never dipped below my face. His expression was pained. My brow furrowed not understanding the weird energy in the room or why he looked like that. 

“What did I miss?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light. 

“Why don’t you go put those on,” he nodded to the pajamas in my hand, “and then we can talk. It’s too hard to form words when you’re standing there looking like an Aphrodite incarnate,” his onyx eyes blazed. 

I blushed at the compliment and was about to do just that, but then I had an idea. I stepped even closer to him, the front of my towel was pressed up against him now. I kissed him, and he kissed me back quickly, then pulled away. 

“Bella,” his tone cautioned me. 

“First gear,” I whispered huskily. 

I took his hand and placed it on the exposed skin over my heart, just above where my towel was cinched. Edward’s breath hitched in his throat. I know he could hear my heart pounding, and now he could feel it beneath his cool fingers. He stared at his hand on my skin as if mesmerized.

“It’s loud and clumsy, and it too is yours,” I breathed. That broke him out of his trance. 

Before my eyes could process that he had even moved, Edward’s arms were around me. His iron hold kept me from so much as twitching a muscle. His breath came in icy ragged gasps, his body was trembling, and somehow I just knew that if he had been human, he’d be sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one really got away from me! Lovely readers, I would love your feedback on something. I've been keeping it pretty PG-13 because I try to stay true to canon (and I'm a giant coward.) But if you think I should try my hand at making some lemonade, let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	9. Chapter 9

*EPOV*

  
  


The day that Bella Swan walked into my biology class, the monster in me, in all my years, had never encountered  _ anything _ it wanted so badly as her sweet-smelling blood. After I conquered that demon, I thought I’d never feel that overwhelming pull of desire for anything that acutely ever again. And then Bella walked into her bedroom wearing nothing but her towel, and I knew immediately how wrong I’d been.

Bella’s skin was pink and dewy, still warm from the shower. Her scent hung in the air clouding my brain and shooting flames down my throat. The pain was as exquisite as she was.

Her still-wet hair was combed back from her face. It clung to her shoulders in long dark tendrils creating tiny beads of moisture that would drip tantalizingly from the ends of her hair to her shoulders, over the delicate bones of her clavicle, and down into the valley between her breasts. I wanted to chase those droplets of water with my tongue as badly as if I were a human man dying of thirst in the middle of the Sahara. 

And then my brave little lamb took my cold, stone hand --the hand of a monster-- and placed it on the flushed, exposed skin above her racing heart and declared it mine. The heat of her skin, the smell of her blood, the devotion in her eyes, the pounding of her heart, it overwhelmed me so completely that it took all my control just to hold her without hurting her. 

And then the guilt overcame me, because even if I’d never hurt her or betrayed her trust or stolen her from the mortal world where she belonged, there was still nothing about me that was worthy of the goddess that stood before me.

With every touch, with my very presence, I was putting her at risk. It seemed I couldn’t stop hurting her no matter what I did. Stay or leave, lies or truth, human world or immortal, she would pay for what I was. And it was a price she paid over and over again.

It was these very thoughts that convinced me to leave her in the first place, but I’d never make that mistake again. No, I would just find a way to live with the all-consuming guilt as both penance and opportunity cost. And once she was changed and no longer set my throat aflame with her mere proximity, the unending guilt would burn in its place. Though, that was nothing compared to what I was getting in return. 

I needed to calm myself. I was probably scaring her with the depth of my emotion. I breathed Bella in once more, and stepped back from her, though it felt like it would kill me to part from her. 

“Sorry about that,” I laughed once, humorlessly. “Everything about vampires is hyperbolic. We are supernaturally fast and strong...and also emo,” I said with a sheepish half-smile.

“Emmett would probably say that’s just you,” Bella quipped with a wink. 

I had a hearty laugh at that. 

“Nothing gets by you, Miss Swan,” I placed a soft kiss on her damp, strawberry-scented hair. “Now will you  _ please _ put your clothes on before I do something I regret?” 

“Ooh, now I’m curious. What would you do to me that you’d regret?” She said with waggling eyebrows and a mischievous glint in her eyes. 

_ So many things.  _ I said nothing, just gave her a teasing scowl. 

“So, no second gear, then?” Obviously bluffing, she moved to unhitch her towel. I growled and her heart skipped a beat. 

“Alright, alright. Reverse,” she conceded with a little disappointed huff. I laughed as she literally backed out of the room, pajamas in hand. 

I sat on her bed to wait for her to return. I could hear Charlie downstairs, snoring away in his armchair where he had fallen asleep watching television. 

After Bella finished in the bathroom, I listened curiously as she padded downstairs and nudged Charlie awake. Concerned about his back if he slept in that position for too long, she told him to go sleep in his room. My sweet, kindhearted Bella was always finding new ways to care for the people she loved; it was touching. 

Soon after that, I heard Charlie’s bedroom door open and close. His mattress springs squeaked, and then the snoring resumed. A few moments later, Bella returned to her room shutting the door behind her. I patted the spot on the bed next to me, gesturing for her to join me. 

“So how did your alone time go today?” I asked her interestedly as she curled up next to me. I hoped it had gone better for her than it did for me. 

Her eyes lit up. “It was great, actually! I had a nice talk with Charlie. And you were right about him being happy to see me doing other things. I got through the first 4 chapters of my new book. I don’t know how I feel about Harper Lee turning Atticus into some kind of a racist, though. It just seems so wrong.”

I nodded in agreement, “Yes, it can be very difficult to take our heroes down off their pedestals once we put them up there,” I mused. 

“Oh! One other thing, I told Charlie to invite Sue over for dinner. I didn’t think about it until afterward that she might bring Seth and Leah over, so if my future disappears, don’t panic!” She warned. 

“Great,” I said sarcastically. “ _ More _ wolves in your life to worry about,” I teased. “But I’m glad you did that. Thank you for letting me know.”

I rubbed small circles on her back as I held her. She would be so much happier if she knew that Charlie had someone to care for him when she left his home. That reminded me...

“Speaking of upcoming dinner plans, I hope you don’t mind, but since you agreed to a date night, I took the liberty of planning a little outing for us tomorrow night. And before you grumble about it, we will be staying within the Seattle Metropolitan Area.” 

“Dinner plans? With you? Should I be worried?” She covered her throat with her hands and grinned broadly.

She really was utterly absurd. Imagine the most vulnerable of all humans teasing her vampire soul(less)mate about killing her when I had very nearly done just that on more than one occasion. I wondered if it was possible for her backward instincts to translate over into her vampire body, and what would that look like? 

“I was under the impression that you were in a hurry for immortality,” I purred, blazing a trail of lingering kisses from her collarbone up to the hollow behind her ear. 

“Oh I am,” her voice faltered as the blood rushed to the surface of her skin and her heart sped up. “But not two weeks before our wedding,” Bella concluded. 

“Oh no?” I kissed her from the shell of her ear down the length of her jaw. When I got to her adorably dimpled chin, I paused there for a moment to kiss her deeply on the mouth.

“The red eyes would... _ ohh... _ clash with my shoes.” Her little moan sent a thrill right through me. 

“Damn,” I said, slowly adoring my way up the other side of her jaw. “I’ll just have to figure out something else to do, then. Any ideas?”

I positioned myself on top of her, careful to support all of my weight on my forearms on either side of her head. When I kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear, she gasped. 

“I can think of a few,” she said in a ragged breath and then thrust her hips up against mine. I sucked in a hard breath through my teeth and locked my muscles into place. 

“Sorry!” she whispered, frozen in place. 

“Just give me a moment please,” I said struggling to control my voice. 

On any other night, I would have been across the room, but she was right that if we were going to “try,” it was time to start pushing some boundaries. And if I was honest, there was nothing that I wanted more at that moment than to hear her moan again and know that I brought her that pleasure. After a few more deep breaths, I was in better control of myself, and I wanted  _ more.  _

“I just want to try one thing. Stay very still. Don’t move,” I said in a strained voice, repeating the same words I’d used the very first time I’d kissed her. 

Her arms were by her sides; I positioned myself between her legs. My forearms rested on either side of her gently but firmly pinning her arms to her own body. With my hips pressed up against hers, my body rendered hers completely immobilized. Now I could concentrate. 

This was good. My hands were not on her and could not hurt her. I carefully wrapped my lips around my teeth and kissed first her mouth, then her chin, and down the curve of her throat. I continued my ministrations down the silky skin of her sternum until I was impeded by the thin satin fabric of her navy blue pajamas. 

I looked up at her face to gauge her reaction. Her eyes were hooded, her cheeks and chest were flushed scarlet, and she was biting her lip in a way that made a growl rumble out of my chest. 

I fingered the neckline of her pajama top and tapped on her top button. 

“Is this alright?” I studied her face for any sign of objection.

“Yesss,” she hissed her assent.

I chuckled, “My my, aren’t we eager?” She moaned again. 

Using one hand, while still supporting myself with the other, I unfastened her top button; If I’d been human, my fingers would have been shaking. I tenderly kissed every inch of the newly exposed skin. Her breathing was labored now, and I could feel her body tense underneath mine.

Bella’s legs wrapped around my waist trying to bring herself closer to me. I could feel the heat of her body pressed so intimately against mine, with nothing between us except a few thin layers of fabric. It was almost more than I could bear. I took a few more deep breaths, letting the fire rip through my throat to help recenter my focus.

“Bella” I warned, returning my eyes to her face, “keep still!” 

Her legs detached from my waist and returned to their formerly prone position on the bed. 

“Good girl.” I very carefully nipped at her neck that elicited a breathy squeak that went straight to my groin. I groaned into the crook of her neck, and my frigid breath drew goosebumps across her skin. I remembered another time when I wondered where else Bella might get goosebumps, and I returned my attention to her buttons. 

I worked on the next button slowly, even for a human’s senses, so that Bella would have time to stop me if she was uncomfortable. She did not object. If anything, she seemed impatient. Her head was thrown back, the tendons of her long, graceful neck pulled taut. Her breath was coming in pants and her eyes were screwed shut. She was glorious. 

The next button fell open, and I groaned at the realization that Bella wasn’t wearing a bra. I kissed the soft skin at the apex of her breasts and strayed from the center just a bit kissing the soft flesh where her breast just barely swelled from her chest. Her pajama top still kept her mostly covered up, but the next button wouldn’t, so I went down to the bottom button and opened that one instead. 

Her taut muscles tightened as I blew a stream of cool air along the flat plane of her belly. I memorized every new patch of skin that was revealed to me and marveled at her body’s reactions to mine. I was elated to find that I could please her this way while still keeping her safe. And I hadn’t even removed her clothing yet! 

I repositioned myself so that I was straddling Bella’s thighs. I warned her with my eyes to remain still, so she fisted her small hands in the sheets. 

I placed my hands underneath her pajama top on either side of her waist. Ever so slowly, I slid my hands along the bare skin of her sides, exploring the curve of her waist, each ridge and valley of her ribcage, and finally around her bust, where my thumbs just barely grazed the sides of her breasts. Bella’s gasp was so sharp, I was on the other side of the room before she could even finish making the sound. 

“Bella! Are you alright?” Terror coursed through me when she didn’t immediately move. 

I ran to her side. Her eyes were huge and staring at the ceiling, and her chest was heaving with her ragged breathing. 

“Holy crow! Why did you stop?” She was smiling now. She was  _ radiant.  _

“Because you nearly gave me a heart attack! What am I going to do with you?” I groaned in exasperation. 

“I can think of a thing or two,” she said, looking like the cat that ate the canary. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for hanging in there with this story! If you haven’t listened to the audiobook for Midnight Sun, you are missing OUT! Edward is voiced by Jake Abel, who I could listen to all day. As I’ve been writing Edward’s POV, I’ve been reading it in my head using his voice and his cadence. Highly recommend! 
> 
> I’m soooo happy we’ve been given another Edward voice to imagine other than Robert Pattinson’s!! Uggh, don’t get me started on those darn movies! Lol. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing! I’ll back with a new update soon!


	10. Chapter 10

  
*BPOV*

The harsh light of day filtered through my eyelids. I groaned and rolled away from the window abruptly crashing into the cool stone statue sharing my bed. 

“Good morning, love.” I heard him before I saw him; my eyes hadn’t yet conceded the return of day.

I snuggled into Edward’s open arms and tucked my head under his chin. He hummed contentedly at my sudden closeness and softly stroked my hair from the crown of my head to the nape of my neck in long, languorous strokes. 

“It is now,” I agreed, my voice still thick with sleep. 

“How do you feel?” He held me away from him slightly so he could see my face. 

“Fine,” I said automatically. Then, remembering the events of the previous night, I felt myself blush, and my heartbeat stutter. “Better than fine, actually,” I admitted. A cool hand brushed my cheek. 

“I am really going to miss that. And watching you sleep. How else will I ever get glimpses into your mind?” Edward sighed in lament. 

“I guess it’s a good thing I don’t keep a journal. I’d have to keep it under lock and key,” I ribbed. 

Edward snorted, “As if your feeble human devices could keep me out,” he smirked. “But in all seriousness, you might want to  _ start  _ journaling. Human memories fade,” he added in a gentle tone. 

“Then again, I’ll always have you to remind me of the most important stuff. You were there for all of  _ those _ memories. Like how Noah would read to Allie to remind her of their life together,” 

Edward’s expression turned amused. “I didn’t figure you for a Nicholas Sparks fan.”

“I’m not. His books are complete drivel,” I said with a grin. “I  _ am,  _ however, a Ryan Gosling fan.” 

“I wish I could take you on a canoe ride in a lagoon full of swans, but I don’t think the birds would cooperate,” Edward’s mouth twisted in regret. 

“Shark repellant in the ocean is far more practical than swan lake boat rides,” I replied evenly. 

Edward was always so hard on himself about the things he couldn’t give me. I figured out the only way to combat his self-loathing instincts was to remind him of the wondrous things that  _ only he _ could give me. And then change the subject. 

“Speaking of romantic gestures--are you going to tell me what we’re doing tonight? I have no idea what to wear,” I asked. Edward’s eyes brightened, and I smiled to myself. 

“I think Alice was hoping you’d let her help you get ready at our house. And as for what we’re doing, that depends on your answer to a question I should have asked you sooner,” Edward tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. 

“What’s the question,” I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. 

“What food will you miss the most when you won’t want it anymore? I made six different reservations because I wasn’t sure what you’d want to eat,” Edward admitted sheepishly with a laugh. 

“Oooh, let me think,” I chewed on my lip, biting off the easy joke about being on death row and choosing my last meal. That would not help his anxiety at all. 

“There are so many different foods I’d like to try, but I always come back to Italian. It just doesn’t get much better than pasta stuffed with cheese and covered in a delicious sauce,” my mouth watered just talking about it.

“I’ll take you to a new restaurant every single night if you’d like to try new foods, Bella,” Edward offered with pleading eyes. He could never resist the chance to offer me new experiences.

“Right,” I scoffed, “So I can get _ fat _ just in time to be eternally unchanging,” I rolled my eyes. His eyes darkened, and I immediately backpedaled. “Besides, going out every night hardly goes along with your ‘more human time,’ request,” I pointed out. 

“Bella, the only one imposing a timeline on your humanity is  _ you.  _ Take all the time you need. If you aren’t enthusiastic about going to college, we could travel the world and you could experience every different food and culture this world has to offer. I  _ want  _ those things for you. If you would just give me a few more years…” he sighed longingly, but I wouldn’t let him continue that train of thought.

Remaining human only led to catastrophe. Remaining human meant staying weak and vulnerable, a liability, and also the biggest source of his mental anguish and mine. Once I was one of them, I’d be strong, fast, durable--and most importantly he’d never feel morally obligated to leave me ever again. 

I wouldn’t survive  _ years _ of having that guillotine dangling over my head, no matter what tempting human extravagance he dangled in front of me. I shook my head vehemently, though I wasn’t willing to make my most debilitating vulnerability so plain to him. 

“I am  _ not  _ the only one imposing a timeline on my humanity, Edward,” I reminded him pointedly.

Edward untangled himself from me and was now pacing the small space of my bedroom while pinching the bridge of his nose. I ached at the loss of him. 

“How did we go from talking about ravioli to the Volturi? Somehow we always end up right back here.” Edward tugged at his hair, a sure sign of his frustration. 

I said nothing for a moment, waiting for him to calm down. 

“Do you really want to talk about this more? Because I can talk about ravioli all day,” I cracked half a smile, desperately trying to resuscitate his mood. 

He was not in the mood to be deflected. “Just answer me this, Bella. If the Volturi wasn’t a factor, would you still be in such a hurry? I can’t...I  _ won’t  _ subject you to this existence if it’s because you feel threatened. That’s not a good enough reason. It has to be because it’s what  _ you _ want. That is the only reason that matters to me.” 

I stood up and met him in the center of the room, halting his pacing. I put my hands on either side of his face and “forced” him to meet my gaze, knowing if he hadn’t wanted to look at me, I never would have been strong enough to move him. 

“Edward, _ of course _ it’s what I want! I’m in a hurry because I can’t wait for my life with you  _ as your equal _ to begin!”

“Bella, you could never be my equal because you already surpass me in every way that matters and plenty of ways that don’t,” Edward contradicted me. I glared at him in response. 

“I see what you mean. On one hand,” my hand flung out to my left side, palm up, “vampires are immortal, never aging, have no human frailties, unmatched speed, strength, & cognition, superpowers, and supermodel good looks.”

“On the other hand,” I flung out the other palm, “there’s humanity: weak, mortal, child-bearing, aging, farting,  _ dying  _ human beings. And ravioli. Shoot, when you put it like that….” I mimed weighing the two lifeforms in my hands, my voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Edward regarded me for a long moment, like a parent indulging a toddler’s tantrum, before bursting into laughter. 

“Oh, Bella. Life with you will never be boring,” he chuckled adoringly. “Now, would you like to know what we’re doing  _ after  _ dinner?” He fluttered a small envelope that appeared in his hands. 

He was obviously trying to steer me away from the subject, but I let my curiosity get the better of me. 

I took the envelope from his proffered hand and pulled out the tickets. My eyes grew to the size of salad plates and my jaw fell open when I saw the words Phantom of the Opera printed on the tickets. And then I saw a staggering amount of money in the box denoting the ticket price. 

“You did NOT spend this much money on these. Please tell me you won them from a radio station or something” I implored him. 

“Fine. I won them from a radio station. Or something,” he repeated flatly and shrugged. 

I gritted my teeth at his obvious attempt to placate me but said nothing. It was hard for me to receive gifts, especially from him, and he knew that. But I didn’t want to spoil his excitement, I thought, remembering the way his face fell when I didn’t immediately want to accept my engagement ring.

If I was going to be a Cullen, I needed to get used to extravagant gifts, so I let the feelings of discomfort wash over me. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the times in our early days when Edward would breathe me in to desensitize himself to the allure of my scent, and the pain that must have caused him.

My hand unconsciously drifted up to my throat, as if I was the one burning. The juxtaposition of him being in real pain to be with me, and my grudging acceptance of expensive gifts to be with him seemed pretty asinine by comparison. Was there an end to my selfishness? 

“ _ Please _ tell me what you’re thinking?” Edward asked anxiously, gently pulling the hand from my throat with one hand, and tipping my chin up to look at him with the other. 

“I was just thinking of my mom,” I said wistfully, absently tapping the edge of the envelope against the palm of my hand. He didn’t look satisfied with my vague answer, so I explained further. 

“I’ve heard the Phantom of the Opera music before, when we used to go on road trips and badly sing along to the soundtrack,” I laughed, recalling the cacophony. “But I’ve never been to the theater before--it wasn’t my mom’s cup of tea. I can’t wait to see if what I imagined bears any resemblance to the real thing.” That much, at least, was true. 

Edward smiled widely in response. 

“I can’t wait to watch you watching it! I wish I could explain to you the intense joy I get out of watching you experience things. It almost feels paternal, like the excitement of a parent taking their child to Disneyland. But then again...” His feather-light fingers traced a cool path down the back of my arm, and his jubilant voice dropped to a husky growl in my ear. 

“ _ Nothing _ about the way I feel about you could ever be described as  _ paternal.”  _ The fervor in his voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. 

“Well that’s a relief,” I said in an unnaturally high-pitched voice, thoroughly dazzled. He chuckled into my hair.

***

Hours later, I found myself sitting in a salon chair in front of a wall-sized mirror in Alice and Jasper’s room. She’d spent the last hour teasing, curling, and spraying my hair into submission. It was styled half up, half down, with curls pinned artfully to the crown of my head, while the rest cascaded down my back in long, loose waves.

With a flurry of makeup brushes, she transformed my plain jane face into that of a movie star's. My eyes were smoky, and my lips were a glossy shade of nude. 

“You never want your eyes and lips to be too dramatic at the same time...unless you want to look like a circus clown,” Alice imparted with a smirk, applying the last stroke of jet black mascara to my lashes with a final flourish.

In her excitement, she spun my chair around to face the mirror just a bit too fast. My stomach lurched at the sudden movement. 

“Oops. Sorry, Bella!” Alice’s expression was apologetic. “So what do you think?”

I looked over my reflection and mouthed the word “wow.” I almost could have passed for a Cullen.

“You’re an artist, Alice. Do you think Edward will like it?” 

“Oh, I don’t think. I  _ know _ ,” Alice tapped her temple with a perfectly manicured finger. “When he sees you in that dress, he’s going to consider joining a monastery,” she laughed wickedly. 

It was a high-low style cocktail dress with a scarlet satin skirt that flared out from the hip. It skimmed mid-thigh in the front and reached the backs of my knees in the rear. The bodice had an intricate layer of lace that hugged my modest curves, and the off-the-shoulder neckline accentuated the defined outline of my collarbone. The finishing touch was a satin sash tied in a bow just above my left hip. The frock was perfectly paired with an expensive-looking pair of nude pumps with red soles that made them look extra provocative. 

“Those Louboutins make your legs look about 5,000 miles long,” Alice nodded approvingly. 

I gave her a blank stare. “I don’t speak Kardashian.”

Alice rolled her eyes in response, “The shoes, you brat. They are limited edition, so try not to break a heel stepping in a sewer grate like I see you doing. But I put some superglue in your clutch just in case. Do NOT mix it up with your lipstick!” She warned severely and pushed a small matte gold clutch into my hand. 

A giggle escaped my mouth as I imagined making out with Edward after mistakenly applying super glue to my lips. That would be  _ one  _ way to keep him from always pulling away from me when things got heated. 

“Edward’s waiting for you downstairs. I know you’ll have an amazing time,” her eyes twinkled knowingly. 

“Thank you, Alice! You’re the best sister I never knew I wanted!” I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. She patted my back gently, and then shooed me toward the door. 

“Have fun you crazy kids!” she called behind me in a barely raised voice that I knew Edward would be able to hear. 

***EPOV***

To kill time while Alice got Bella ready for our date I’d been playing the latest version of Call of Duty with Emmett in the game room. It didn’t get much use, yet another prop in the human facade. Though the billiards table and video games were useful practice in calibrating our strength while engaging in common human pastimes. 

“Where is the shooting coming from? Goddamn it!” Emmett bellowed in frustration and frantically mashed the buttons of the controller that looked miniature grasped in his gargantuan hands. 

“Ease up, Em, or you’ll--” but I spoke up too late. 

With another expletive, Emmett chucked the badly misshapen controller into a bin of other mangled controllers. As part of our practiced routine of destroying evidence, the controllers would need to be destroyed more fully before they went out into the trash. It was sort of like the vampire version of crushing cans, I tittered at my bad joke. 

“Here’s a new “Shark Tank” idea for you-- tungsten-plated Xbox controllers!” Emmett proposed. 

“For the vampire gamer in your life,” I said with put-on enthusiasm, impersonating an infomercial host. 

“Maybe Rose could weld you some kind of controller armor, because this is getting out of hand,” I muttered, and tossed him a new one from the crate of Xbox controllers we had procured from a very perplexed Best Buy associate. After all, even vampires could appreciate a good Black Friday sale. 

Interesting, I thought to myself. Before Bella came into my world, my lips rarely if ever uttered the word “vampire.” And here I had just in the last few minutes spoken it aloud (almost jovially!), and thought of it two other times in the same lighthearted manner. It was another fundamental change in me that my beautiful Bella had brought about. Perhaps I was starting to hate myself less because she loved and accepted me as completely as she did. 

_ She’s ready _ , thought Alice from upstairs, who was being careful not to think of Bella. 

“That’s my cue, Em.” I bid him farewell and took my place at the foot of the stairs. 

I never appreciated my sister’s flair for fashion more than I did the moment Bella appeared at the top of the stairs in the crimson cocktail dress that made her shapely legs appear almost disproportionately long. 

My eyes shot open and my mouth hung agape. I was rendered completely speechless as I drank in the sight of her, my goddess. 

I could hear Alice snickering from a few paces behind Bella, where she came to revel in my reaction. Making me come undone was nearly as enjoyable to Alice as was making over Bella in haute couture.

My astonished silence was starting to get awkward, so I rushed to compliment her.

“Bella, you are a  _ vision.  _ There are no words for your loveliness, tonight.” It was an understatement. She took a wobbly step down the staircase in her towering high heels, and I flew to her side. 

“Allow me,” I murmured and carried her down the stairs so she wouldn’t have to risk breaking an ankle on the stilts Alice insisted she wear. 

Alice didn’t need to be a mind reader to know the direction of my thoughts. 

“She won’t have to walk far,” Alice shrugged unapologetically.

“Bye, Alice! Thanks again!” Bella called out to her with a small wave. 

I set her down and escorted her to my waiting Vanquish that was running in the driveway. 

“Woah, what is  _ that?”  _ Bella gawked at the sight of my Aston Martin. 

“It’s my special occasion car,” I winked at her and held the door open for her to step inside. Bella turned to face me and curled her fingers around the lapel of my slate gray suit jacket. 

“I didn’t think it was possible, but you are even  _ more  _ perfect in a suit. And in front of this car, you look like a younger, hotter James Bond.”

From inside the house, but probably too quiet for Bella to hear, Emmett guffawed, “he doesn’t need an even bigger ego, Bella!”

Holding both of my lapels now, she pulled me down for a kiss. I took her face gently in my hands and kissed her properly. The warmth of her mouth, the softness of her lips, and the heat of her breath made the flames rage ever hotter down my throat. I welcomed this pain and would welcome it ten times over for the overwhelming pleasure of kissing Bella. 

Reluctantly, I pulled away from her with a regretful groan and gestured to the open car door. 

“Your carriage awaits.”

She carefully lowered herself down onto the leather seat while smoothing her skirt down behind her so it laid flat on the seat. 

I carefully shut the door behind her and flew around to the driver’s side. 

It was a pleasant drive to Seattle. Bella chatted animatedly about the dinner she was planning for Sue Clearwater. Her wolf pups, Seth and Leah, not fully accepting of their mother’s budding relationship with Charlie so soon after Harry’s passing, had thankfully sent their regrets. 

She also expressed her nervousness over meeting the Denali clan at the upcoming wedding. Despite myself, I found her thinly veiled jealousy over Tanya’s presence at our nuptials quite endearing. 

“Bella, are you worried she’s going to attempt to seduce me at my own wedding?” I chuckled. The idea of any other woman even  _ daring _ to hold a candle to my Bella was laughable. 

Bella huffed, irritated. “No!” She blushed a furious red. “But isn’t it considered a faux pas to outshine the bride? Who’s even going to be looking at me with half a dozen goddesses in attendance?” 

Her angry kitten face turned pensive. “You know what? Never mind. In fact, invite  _ all _ the female vampires you know. That will take the pressure off me,” Bella said with a satisfied smile. 

“The  _ blood _ pressure, maybe,” I snarked. I shook my head free of the grim imaginings of Bella in a blood-stained wedding gown. I was just  _ full  _ of jokes today. I rolled my eyes at myself. 

Before long, I pulled the car up to the valet stand and waited for the attendant to take my key. 

_ ‘Kids these days!’  _ thought the attendant, an older gentleman dressed in a cheap tuxedo. He gaped first at the car, and then at the youth of its occupants. His hopes were dashed that he’d get a good tip. His thoughts then drifted toward the exploits he had in the 1974 AMC Gremlin of his youth. 

I took the ticket he handed me and discreetly pressed a $50 dollar bill into his palm. Bella started to let herself out of the car, but before she could, I turned toward her and placed a hand on her thigh, halting her movements. 

“Let me get the door for you,” I insisted, inwardly cursing the presence of the valet that forced me to move at human speed. She smiled and nodded, and waited for me to dash, in human speed, around to her door. 

I held my hand out to her which she accepted. Then one long pale leg stepped outside the car, then the other, and she stepped out into the cool Seattle night looking like an Old Hollywood movie star. 

In true Bella fashion, she rolled her ankle and stumbled into my waiting arms destroying any illusion of gracefulness. 

“Are you alright?” I knelt down at her feet and cupped my hands around her smarting ankle. She sighed in relief at the coolness of my touch. 

“Yes,” Bella grumbled in annoyance. “You’d think at some point I’d stop being so surprised by my own clumsiness, but I never see it coming!” I had to stop myself from laughing at the embarrassed look of chagrin on her face. Not liking the attention we were getting from passersby, she wiggled her ankle free from my hands. I stood up so that I could meet her eyes.

“If you weren’t so clumsy, you would be so intimidatingly perfect that no mortal man would ever be brave enough to look upon your beauty. Your clumsiness wasn’t for your benefit, it was for ours.” I gazed down at her as I trailed the back of my finger along the soft curve of her cheekbone. Her heart stuttered in response. 

“Then what’s Rosalie’s flaw?” Bella moaned. 

“Her personality,” I said without missing a beat, and we both dissolved into laughter. I put my hand on the small of her back and guided her toward the restaurant. 

“Altura is supposed to be the finest Italian dining in the state,” I said as she took in the romantic ambiance and modern upscale decor. I gave the hostess my name, and she nodded in recognition and guided us to a staircase at the back of the dining room that led up to a small candlelit loft that I had reserved for us alone. 

I laughed as Bella paused at the foot of the steps to kick off her heels before climbing the narrow wrought iron spiral staircase. I followed close behind her, keeping my hand on her back to prevent any catastrophes. 

Once shown to our table, I pulled out her chair for her and scooted it in behind her as she sat. 

_ ‘His mother taught him well,’  _ thought the 30-something hostess named Janet who was impressed by my impeccable manners. 

Bella’s face, rosy and warmed by flickering candlelight was like gazing at the model of a Da Vinci painting. I was spellbound by her. 

Bella smiled shyly and blushed an even deeper hue of scarlet under the intensity of my gaze and lowered her eyes to the elaborately set table. 

In an action I rarely took thanks to a photographic memory, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and snapped a photo of her. The sight of her was one that I wanted to have immortalized on canvas adorning my wall. 

“This must be painfully boring for you, just sitting there watching me eat,” Bella said in between bites of bread. “God, that’s good,” she moaned, spreading butter on another slice. 

“Why would you think that? Would it be boring for you to watch me hunt?” I watched her tongue slide across her lower lip, licking off a small smear of butter. I pushed the bread basket toward her encouragingly. 

Her eyes widened at my question. “I can’t imagine anything  _ less _ boring,” she admitted. “But this,” she gestured broadly to us sitting at the table, “is not  _ that.”  _

“I beg to differ! Stalking lions is just another Friday to me. Right now, however, I’m completely fascinated and bewildered as to why you ordered lemon water and not coke. I don’t think you’ve ever  _ not  _ ordered a coke. Explain yourself, please,” I used my most persuasive tone, the one used for dazzling humans, as Bella so often accused. 

She looked a little...embarrassed? What could possibly be embarrassing about her drink selection? 

“Bella?” I entreated her with my eyes. 

“It’s just this place,” she gestured to the restaurant and I was suddenly worried that it wasn’t to her liking. 

“I wish I was older because then I’d order a glass of wine. This is just such a classy, grown-up place, definitely not a place you’d find in Forks...and drinking coke makes me feel like a kid. A Shirley Temple was out of the question,” she laughed wryly. “Lemon water just seemed like something a grown woman on a hot date would order. I know, it’s dumb,” she shrugged self-consciously. I reached across the table and laid my hand across hers. 

“You already try so hard to blend into your surroundings so that you don’t attract attention. It’s going to make your transition a lot easier. But Bella, a person would have to be blind not to notice you! And if you don’t believe me, there isn’t a red-blooded male down there,” I nodded toward the dining room below, “whose head didn’t turn when you walked in that door.” 

It was a  _ very _ distracting trip up the stairs as I was mentally assaulted by upskirt images of Bella’s bare legs climbing the stairs from every angle. I suppressed a growl at the heathens, not that I could blame them. 

I could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe me. I knew better than to try to convince her. I was  _ already  _ beating off her would-be suitors with a stick. It was a good thing that we wouldn’t be dining in many restaurants once she was turned because I didn’t think I could stand many more outings where I was forced to see and hear dozens of lusty fantasies featuring my soon-to-be wife. I tried to tune out the intrusive thoughts. 

“Besides hunting, what’s the first thing you think you’ll want to do after you’ve been changed,” I asked, deeply curious. 

She said nothing, but her eyes smoldered and she raised an eyebrow in my direction as if I were missing something painfully obvious.

My eyes widened in surprise at her boldness. “You little minx!” I smiled widely at her innuendo. “Alright, the  _ second  _ thing then?” 

“I don’t know,” she shook her head, “Run. Jump. Break something?” she laughed. 

“Besides yourself, you mean?” I teased. She glared at me, and I laughed harder. 

Her food arrived then, a steaming hot plate of lobster agnolotti with a truffle cream sauce. She cut one in half with the side of her fork, dragged it around in the sauce, and then popped it into her mouth. Her eyes closed, and she chewed slowly. After a long moment, she opened her eyes.

“That is far and away the best thing I’ve ever eaten!” Her eyes were bright with excitement.  “I wish you could try a bite,” she added regretfully.

Pain rippled through me. “I wish that, too, love. You have no idea how much I wish I could be human for you, Bella. No matter the cost, I would pay it” I said in a low, agonized voice. 

“That’s not at all what I meant. I don’t wish you could eat this,” she said matching my lowered voice. “Just that...you could somehow appreciate it. And for what it’s worth,” Bella paused to stab another bite of pasta. “Even If I could bite you and make you human, I’m not sure that’s the future I’d choose.” She put the fork to her lips and chewed thoughtfully. 

I was entirely and utterly gobsmacked by her admission.  _ Even if I could be human for her, she’d still want to be a vampire?  _ The words did not compute.  _ Why? _ She sat there sipping her water and eating her meal as casually as if we were discussing our weekend plans. If she didn’t explain herself, I thought I’d go stark raving mad. 

_ “How could you say that?”  _ I demanded in a loud whisper, horrified. 

“You don’t see yourself very clearly, do you?” Her eyes narrowed intently. “What makes you think that one lifetime with you is enough for me? Humanity has its perks, but when it comes down to it, I’d rather have eternity with you than spending the next 50 or 60 years, if we’re lucky enough to get that long, wondering which one of us is going to  _ die _ first,” she said severely. I flinched at the word.

Shaking her head resolutely, “No, I’d rather have the certainty of forever with you rather than one fleeting lifetime that ends in inevitable heartbreak. I’m certain of that.” 

I slumped back against my chair. It was inconceivable. The unencumbered joy and pain I felt simultaneously at her declaration were almost more than I could bear. 

None of us got to choose this life,  _ but she would,  _ even if she had another choice. For me. 

“I’m not worth it, Bella,” my voice was pleading, begging her to believe me. 

Bella’s mouth turned down into a frown.

“Shut your mouth. That’s my fiance you’re talking about!” Her eyes turned fierce. “Besides, if the roles were reversed, and you were human and I wasn’t, would you want to leave me,  _ or be left against your wishes _ , so that you could go have babies with somebody else?” 

“I think you’re oversimplifying things a bit,” I said in a clipped tone. “I left, first and foremost, so that you would be safe. Children were secondary. You wouldn’t be having children either way if you got yourself killed hanging out with my kind,” I said acidly.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Bella pressed, stubborn as ever. 

I sighed, defeated “If I were the human, I’d do whatever it took to be with you, too.” 

Bella exasperatedly threw her hands up in the air as if to say “Thank you! Finally!” 

“I choose you, Edward. I choose your life and your family. It’s the only way for me. Besides, I kinda suck at being human.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience while I fought with this chapter. I really wanted to get to the theater in this one, but it was just getting sooo long. Hopefully, the double chapter was worth the wait. I’d love to know what you think! Will get the new update out ASAP. Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phantom of the Opera is the property of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing, and am merely borrowing their intellectual property with no intent to profit.

**BPOV**

As Edward led me through a throng of people milling around the doors of the Paramount Theatre, from behind me, a young man, one of three huddled around the valet booth, exclaimed “Fifty?! Aw man, you always get the good tippers!” 

I shook my head and smiled. “You must carry around more cash just for _tipping_ people in a single evening than most people earn in a week!” 

Edward laughed, “It’s all part of the ruse, Bella. People are more prone to not look too closely or ask too many questions if you grease a few palms, as they say.”

“You’d make a good politician,” I joked. 

“Oh, I think there are enough bloodsuckers in politics,” Edward smirked as he handed our tickets to the ticket taker at the door who scanned the barcodes and waved us through. 

The lobby of the theater was packed with people talking at a dull roar. They milled around the vendors selling refreshments and souvenirs. 

“Would you like anything to eat or drink before we take our seats?” Edward gestured toward the table selling overpriced bottles of water and snacks. 

I groaned, still stuffed from dinner. “I don’t think I could eat another bite.” 

Edward smiled, nodding once, and gently tugged my arm to follow him down a wide, crowded hallway with a series of double doors along the wall to our right. He seemed to have found the door he was looking for. Edward handed our tickets to an usher, who handed us our Playbills and then guided us down the centermost aisle to our seats.

The usher stopped at the fifth row closest to the stage and gestured to a pair of seats on the aisle. “Enjoy the show!” he had said with a small bow of his head, and then he was gone.

I took a step into the row of seats. I caught the attention of the man sitting in the third seat. He raked his eyes up my body before settling on my face, giving me a leering smile. I smiled back shyly, not wanting to be rude. 

As I moved to sit down next to him, two stone hands grasped my hips from behind, lifting me up a couple of inches, and plopped me into the aisle seat instead. Edward glared balefully at the man and moved to sit between us. 

“Everything alright?” I whispered as quietly as I could over the din of the crowded theater. 

“Everything is perfect, love,” Edward patted my knee reassuringly. “You are just far too desirable for your own good. It would seem I can’t take you anywhere!” He let out a hard laugh.

It wasn’t long after that before the house lights dimmed and an announcement instructed us to turn off our phones and refrain from flash photography. A hush fell over the sold-out crowd as the red velvet curtain raised. 

The opening scene began in late 19th century Paris at an opera house auction. An elderly man and a still older woman, who seemed to recognize each other, bid aggressively on an unusual music box that featured a monkey playing the cymbals; they said nothing to each other. The man outbid her. Then the auctioneer moved on to the next item, gesturing to an enormous object covered by a dusty old sheet labeled #666.

The sheet is then yanked off in a cloud of dust motes to reveal the most massive crystal chandelier I’d ever seen. It was the size of Jacob’s VW Rabbit, and it was being hoisted by cables inch by inch up over the audience, illuminating the darkened theater and the thrilled faces of audience members below.

While the audience was distracted by the chandelier’s ascent, the stage darkened, and the scene changed to the same opera house, but brighter and completely restored--as if from an earlier time. 

It was harder than it should’ve been to keep my focus on the story unfolding on stage when Edward was sitting so close. My forearm and hand rested lightly on top of his on the shared armrest between us. My fingers curved over the cool, smooth, skin of the back of his hand, while his thumb curled up and around to grasp my fingers. Every so often, he would bring my hand to his face and brush his lips over the skin of my knuckles. 

I smiled, catching Edward appraising my legs with my peripheral vision. The dress I wore exposed more skin than either of us was used to, and it should have made me feel self-conscious. However, the look of desire in his butterscotch eyes made it pretty plain that he didn’t think I had anything to feel self-conscious about, and that emboldened me.

I crossed my legs toward him, making the hemline ride up just a bit higher up my thigh. He sucked in a breath and I smirked at him. Our eyes locked, and he knew he’d been caught. He looked like he would have blushed if he could. 

But then Christine took the stage to sing her solo, “Think of Me.” It was a song I knew well. 

_Think of me, think of me fondly_

_When we've said goodbye_

_Remember me, once in a while_

_Please promise me you'll try…_

The longing and heartbreak exuded in the lilt of her ethereal soprano voice made my whole body shudder from the chills running up my spine. It was not an unpleasant sensation, though the words took me to a darker place and time that I tried hard to forget. 

_Think of me, think of me waking_

_Silent and resigned_

_Imagine me trying too hard_

_To put you from my mind_

I needed to stay in the present. I gripped his hand almost painfully to remind myself that he was here with me. That I was whole again. I refused to tear my eyes away from the stunning brunette on stage for fear of the worry I’d see in Edward’s eyes if I looked toward the heavy weight of his gaze. 

As the song drifted toward its conclusion, Christine nailed the painfully high note at the end. Her performance sucked the breath right out of my chest, forcing a single tear to fall onto the apple of my cheek. Before I could wipe it away, Edward’s wintry finger ghosted across my face. 

When the crashing applause and standing ovation of the audience swept us both to our feet, I looked Edward’s way. As I knew it would be, his face was twisted with concern. His golden eyes were anxious and the set of his mouth was impatient. It was the face he made whenever he was wishing he could read my mind. Through watery eyes, I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. 

  
  


**EPOV**

The sensation of Bella’s hot little hand gripping mine so tightly that her knuckles turned white felt unbelievably pleasant, but I could imagine the strain it was putting on her joints. 

It wasn’t hard to guess what Bella heard in the words that provoked such an emotional response out of her. But half of the women in the audience were also dabbing at their eyes, I rationalized. It was not an uncommon occurrence for humans to be moved to tears by a musical composition. 

Though, I feared her tears had far more to do with me than with anything going on onstage. The heartbreakingly sad smile she plastered on her face did nothing to quell my anxiety. 

I spared a glance at the stage. The masked Phantom was stalking young Christine in the seclusion of her dressing room. Enraged with jealousy over the intentions of her would-be suitor, the dashing Raoul, Phantom locks the door from the inside and sings to her through a double-sided mirror. 

_Flattering child,_

_you shall know me,_

_see why in shadow I hide!_

_Look at your face_

_in the mirror -_

_I am there_

_Inside!_

I scowled at the intruder. Who did he think he was? As if the revolting monster lurking in the shadows could ever deserve the affection of the pure, fair Christine. 

The tall, tan, ponytailed Raoul (I gritted my teeth at the actor’s vague resemblance to Jacob Black) knocked determinedly at Christine’s locked door while the monster lured her to the dark depths of his world using the gift of his voice. And of course, she followed, naive, young, trusting as she was. 

_Angel of Music_

_Hide no longer!_

_Come to me, strange Angel…_

The monster was taking her to his lair now, rowing her in a Venetian-style gondola deep in the steamy, shadowy sewers that lay beneath the Opera House.

The orchestra transitioned into the pining, adagio melody of the crown jewel in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s catalog, "The Music of the Night."

Christine stood dazzled by the bewitching power of the monster’s voice. The entire audience was enraptured by the monster, sympathetic even! 

_Darkness wakes and stirs imagination_

_Silently, the senses abandon their defenses..._

_Turn your face away from the garish light of day_

_Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light_

_And listen to the music of the night_

The Phantom stood closely behind Christine now with his chest pressed to her back. His arm snaked around her neck, and he intimately trailed a finger from her temple down the line of her jaw to her chin, where his gloved hand fell to rest upon her shoulder. Christine leaned into his hold, cradling her head into the crook of his elbow, letting him rock her, lull her with his hypnotic serenade. 

I remembered all those many nights that I spent watching Bella as she slept, stealing the unguarded thoughts from her head in the form of her unconscious utterings. I invaded her privacy, invaded her dreams, and when it became too hard to stay away from her, I selfishly invaded her reality, tainting her pure light with my darkness. 

The Phantom took Christine by the hand and led her around his enormous grand piano, lit up by dozens of flickering white candles. He showed her the peculiar music box with the monkey playing the cymbals and eventually led her to a likeness of herself donning a wedding gown and veil. 

Christine fainted; it was a rational response to such a hideous display of his deranged covetousness. 

What would Bella have done in her place, I wondered. Hired a band and sent out invitations? Would she have told him ‘ _It doesn’t matter’_ that he’s a deformed, murderous monster who can’t seem to leave her in peace with the man that deserved her? 

The Phantom wasn’t _really_ a monster, though, not in the way I was in the truest sense of the word. This man was just a murderous wretch who had been dealt the unfortunate hand of being born with a deformed face and deemed unloveable by society. Not a monster, just a run of the mill, down-on-his-luck terrorist. 

Before her unconscious body could fall to the ground, the Phantom swooped Christine up into his arms and laid her gently into a pillowy, cloudlike bed adorned with scarlet and gold linens. 

As Christine slept the light changed, hinting at the break of day. The monster sat down at his piano, playing with intense concentration. He broke off intermittently to write the notes down on the parchment sprawled overtop his instrument. The music box was placed beside the bed. As if by magic, it played on its own as Christine began to rouse. The tinkling melody seemed to keep her in a half-trance. 

Christine rose, unseen, approaching the masked figure from behind. Before he could stop her, she tore the mask away from the monster’s face. He springs up and rounds on her furiously. She clearly sees his face, though the audience cannot. The Phantom is standing in profile, in shadow. 

_Damn you!_

_You little prying Pandora!_

_You little demon_

_Is this what you wanted to see?_

_Curse you!_

_Now you cannot ever be free._

I remembered being confronted by Bella in the hospital after saving her from Tyler’s van. I vividly remembered the fury I felt (only at myself) for exposing my family to her incredulous, questioning eyes, and the guilt I felt for putting her in danger now that she knew too much. 

_This loathsome gargoyle, who burns in hell_

_But secretly yearns for heaven_

Cold, hard stone sculpted into hellish demons and unchanged by time, gargoyles were perhaps a less flattering metaphor for vampires than a heart-shaped diamond was, but still no less true. 

Distracting me from the desolation of my thoughts, Bella reacted to something she saw onstage. Her hand fluttered to her chest and her face flashed with outrage, then softened. I could feel the compassion and pity emanating from her as strongly as if Jasper had conjured it. 

Of course, Bella wouldn’t be disgusted by his deformity or frightened by his rage. She would see it for what it was, his naked vulnerability roaring to the surface. 

The scene changes again, and the new owners of the Opera Populaire are in an uproar over the missing Christine. The Phantom had sent a series of notes to the owners, the ballet mistress Madame Giry, the prima donna Carlotta, and the opera’s patron, Raoul, who had come crashing through the door demanding to see Christine. 

The notes, signed “The Opera Ghost” and sealed with a wax imprint of a skull, demanded that Christine be cast as the lead in the new opera, _Il Muto_ , while the prima donna is cast in the silent role of the Pageboy. The note threatened a terrible misfortune if his instructions were not followed. 

“Do not fear for Miss Daae,’” Raoul read his note aloud. “The Angel of Music has her under his wing. Make no attempt to see her again.” 

The fear and concern in Raoul’s face were palpable. I’d felt that same terror when I’d read Bella’s letter explaining how she’d gone alone to meet James, the day I had come far, far too close to losing her. 

Needing to feel her next to me, I gave Bella’s hand a gentle squeeze. It wasn’t enough. I raised her hand to my face and brushed my lips across the back of her hand. I inhaled deeply letting the flames engulf my throat. As long as I burned, she was safe. 

The Phantom was a killer, too. He’d hanged the stagehand from the rafters to make a point after the opera owners refused to meet his demands. In the next act, he’ll kill the tenor, Piangi, so that he may step into the lead role of Don Juan Triumphant in an attempt to seduce Christine. 

For the Phantom, killing was a means to an end. Conversely, for me and my kind, killing was the whole point. We didn’t need air to breathe; we needed people to _bleed_. Or in my family’s case, animals. The distinction didn’t matter. I was still the bad guy. I was still the masked monster, stealing her from her life, from her destiny. There was no redemption in that. 

As the orchestra played a lively interlude, the stage went dark. Though I could see with perfect clarity the stagehands dressed all in black pushing the various sets and props into place. The routine was every bit as practiced and choreographed as the elaborate dance number was a few moments ago. 

When the stage lights returned, we were transported to a gothic rooftop where a fearsome-looking gargoyle loomed over the Phantom, who was hiding behind one of the massive stone wings. He was spying on Christine and Raoul having a private moment in the courtyard below. 

Christine was confiding in Raoul that she believed the spirit of her dead father sent an angel of music to her. Who else but an angel would tutor her for years in the dark of night? She was drawn to his voice and his music but terrified of being swallowed up by the darkness around him. She longed for freedom. 

Raoul was quick to comfort her. He sang to her while holding her in his arms. 

_Let me be your freedom_

_Let daylight dry your tears_

_I’m here, with you, beside you_

_To guard you, and to guide you_

They were dancing now, waltzing in time to the rich, warm, lively sounds of the string section wafting out from the orchestra pit. 

_Then say you’ll share with me_

_One love, one lifetime_

_Let me lead you from your solitude_

_Say you need me with you here, beside you_

_Anywhere you go, let me go, too_

_Christine, that’s all I ask of you_

To the utter devastation of the Phantom, Christine pledged her love to Raoul and they plotted her escape. It’s what the irrational part of me feared the most whenever Bella was away from me, unreachable at La Push. 

Werewolves were dangerous and volatile; they constituted a real risk to Bella’s safety, it was true. But if I continued to deny her access to the mongrel, she was either going to hurt herself trying to see him, or worse, I was going to drive her away and into his arms. It was a move of desperation on my part, and the only way I could bear to let her go. 

That, and because some part of me-- _a very small part_ \-- never stopped hoping that Bella would save herself from what I was. It was the self-sacrificing part that had convinced me that leaving her was the right thing to do all along. So by clearing the way for her to go to Jacob, I could at least assuage my guilt that I wasn’t somehow obstructing her if she wished to leave me. 

As miserable as it felt driving Bella to the boundary line, watching her cross over to his side, into his arms, time and time again, it was _doubly_ as satisfying and reaffirming when she came back to me, knowing she was with me of her own free will. 

Again and again, she crossed back over to my side, choosing me. Each time felt just as powerful and as momentous as the first time. And whenever she saw me standing at the line, she always looked as relieved as I felt. That was what precipitated not only my proposal but more significantly, my willingness to change her. 

I watched the Phantom’s grief spiral into rage as Raoul whirled Christine offstage and out of sight. It was as close as I would ever come to being visited by Charles Dickens’ Ghost of Christmas Future.

Luckily, I was better at seeing the writing on the wall than our friend, Phantom. According to Alice, it was letting Bella go and trusting her to come back that firmed up our future together to a near certainty, and now nobody would be dancing off into the sunset with my Bella but _me_. 

_You will curse the day you did not do_

_All that the Phantom asked of you!_

_**BPOV**_

Without warning, the raucous chords of organ music crashed furiously through the theater. I heard myself shriek in surprise as the massive chandelier broke free from the gilded ceiling and swung over the screaming audience where it crashed into the stage in an explosion of light and sparks.

I felt Edward squeeze my hand then, and I looked over at him. He was grinning widely at me, reveling in my excitement and undoubtedly hearing the thrumming of my racing heart. With a relieved sigh, I felt my heart slow at the realization that the stunt was part of the show and not some unscripted catastrophe. Edward chuckled quietly beside me.

At that moment, the curtain dropped and the house lights came back on. A voice crackled over the loudspeakers announcing a 15-minute intermission. Most of the audience was already out of their seats, stretching, getting in line for the bathroom, or purchasing refreshments. 

We had the aisle seats, so about half the row needed to pass by us in order to exit into the center aisle. We stood up to let them pass but stayed by our seats. Edward met my eyes and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“Well? What did you think of Act One?” he probed. 

“Do you even have to ask?!” I said excitedly. “This is so beyond my wildest expectations! It’s such a completely different experience than just hearing the music from a CD,” I gestured animatedly toward the red velvet curtain now concealing the stage. Edward seemed pleased by my response. 

“You can’t beat a live orchestra,” Edward agreed with a nod. 

I started to ask him something, but then I shut my mouth, remembering all the people within earshot. He frowned heavily, then opened his mouth to protest my reticence.

“I’ll ask you later when we’re alone,” I promised, cutting him off. 

He honed in on the word “ask,” mouthing it questioningly. He frowned once more, but then let it drop. 

“So,” Edward said a moment later with my favorite crooked grin, “Team Raoul or Team Phantom?” 

“Phantom, duh,” I rolled my eyes as if it were obvious. His eyebrows shot up at the decisiveness of my quick response. 

“How does that surprise you?” I asked in a tone that suggested he was being a bit thick. 

“Well for starters, the Phantom is a murderer. That doesn’t bother you?” Edward arched an eyebrow in disbelief. 

“When the Opera Ghost tells you to leave Box 5 empty, you leave Box 5 empty!” I retorted matter of factly. Edward laughed at that, though I grew pensive. 

“I suppose it makes sense that he has a cruel side when that’s all the world has ever shown him. How would you know how to be kind, how to love, if you’d never experienced it before?” I asked softly. 

Edward’s eyes, the color of drawn butter, softened as he considered what I’d said. He tucked a loose curl behind my ear, but he left his palm lingering on the side of my neck. Edward drew me close to him and wrapped his arms tightly around me. Even in a theater full of people, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. 

“I didn’t think it possible, but I might be even more attracted to your mind than I am to your blood,” he whispered in my ear, kissing the hollow just below it. 

As we drew apart, I became aware of the audience members clambering down the narrow rows back to their seats. 

“We still have a few minutes if you’d like something to eat or drink. Or if you need a human moment?” Edward nodded his head toward the lobby where the refreshment stands were.

I shook my head, still full from dinner. “I’m good, but I won’t say no to a trip to the ladies’ room.” Edward nodded, putting his hand on the small of my back, he guided me up the aisle toward the back of the theater. 

“I’ll just be waiting over there by the merch table,” Edward pointed in the direction of a souvenir stand a few yards away. 

As I swung open the door to the ladies’ room, I heard his voice call out behind me, “Oh, and Bella?”

I lurched to a stop. I’d already crossed the threshold of the bathroom, so I awkwardly turned my body and poked my head back out the door. “Yes?” 

“I don’t need to worry about you escaping through any emergency exits, do I?” Edward said with a slight edge in his voice, nodding to the restroom I was about to walk into. 

He was referring to the time I foolishly gave Alice and Jasper the slip by evading them through the emergency exit in a women’s restroom at SeaTac Airport. 

“In these shoes?” I snorted. “I’ll be lucky if I make it to the stall without spraining something,” I said, only half-joking. 

“I can carry you if you’d like,” Edward offered. His voice was unsure, as if he knew it was a bad idea before the words left his mouth.

I blinked at him. 

“I’m just gonna…” I trailed off awkwardly and used my thumb to point behind me toward the sound of flushing toilets. I don’t know how I managed to keep a straight face, but I let the door swing shut behind me before I dissolved into a fit of giggles. Edward was always so flawless in everything he did that his awkward moments were extra funny and adorable. 

I tried not to dawdle in the bathroom because I knew intermission had to be nearly over, but I did take a moment to reapply my lip gloss after washing my hands. I laughed when I first palmed the superglue that Alice left for me in case I broke a heel. I carefully stashed it back in my clutch and reached for the tube of lipgloss. 

After I was lacquered in a fresh coat of Dior’s “004 Coral”, I smacked my lips together, checked the mirror to make sure there was nothing stuck in my teeth or that my dress wasn’t caught in my underwear (wouldn’t be the first time), and headed for the door. 

Edward was right where he said he’d be, leaning casually against a wall. He smiled and stood up straight as soon as he saw me appear at the doorway. He looked just so damn _sexy_ with his suit jacket draped over his arm, and his collar unbuttoned. The wanton look in his eyes made it even harder to walk in a straight line when I was already having so much trouble remembering to breathe. He wordlessly offered me an arm and we headed back to our seats. 

“What were you thinking about when you came out of the ladies' room? Your heart was doing backflips,” Edward teased, holding the door open for me to reenter the theater. 

“I was just thinking how drop-dead gorgeous you look tonight...and how much I want you,” I breathed, using my best imitation of bedroom eyes. Edward gaped a bit at that but recovered quickly. 

“You must be developing a mind-reading talent of your own, Miss Swan. Because that is what _I_ was thinking...And every other male who has laid eyes on you tonight,” he said that last part through his teeth.

“I guess the sensible thing to do would be to take me home and get me out of this dress,” I suggested offhandedly, taking my seat. The man sitting next to Edward choked on his Mountain Dew. Edward glared at me and I bit back a laugh. 

“Don’t tempt me, love. I can just tell you how it ends,” he offered, gesturing with an open palm toward the stage. There was a teasing gleam in his eyes and a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. 

“I’ll get my things,” I called his bluff with a grin, pleased that he was flirting back. 

”But I guess it would kinda have to depend…” I bit at my lip, planting the bait.

“Depend on what?” Edward’s eyes narrowed. 

I leaned over, placing a hand on his bicep, and brought my lips close to his ear, “Whether or not a stranger’s impure thoughts will make you want me more, or if it will just make you mad,” I purred in a whisper. 

Wearing his best ‘ _You'll_ _be the death of me, Bella_ ’ expression, he groaned, “Both. Always both.” 

I smirked, satisfied, and rested my hand high on his thigh, stroking lightly with my thumb over the material of his pants. I don’t know where my confidence came from. Maybe it came from the dress or the way that Edward looked at me while I was wearing it, but if that was the case, I’d have to let Alice style me more often. My phone buzzed from inside my clutch and I stifled a giggle. I’d probably return home to a whole new wardrobe.

Edward leaned over to plant a feather-soft kiss on the bare curve of my shoulder. I could feel his lips curl into a smile against my skin. He then took my hand in his and placed our joined hands back on his thigh with a slight squeeze. I sighed contentedly. 

Just then the lights in the auditorium flickered, a subtle reminder for stray audience members to return to their seats for the remainder of the show. The house lights dimmed once more, and the curtain raised. 

The opera house was in the throes of a masquerade ball. Christine and Raoul were newly engaged, but Christine was still frightened of the Opera Ghost. To hide the engagement, she wore the ring on a chain around her neck. 

The Phantom appeared in a costume that could only be described as a buccaneer from the fiery pits of hell. He was draped in yards and yards of blood-red fabric with puffy sleeves, brass buttons, and golden accents. His wide-brimmed hat, a matching crimson color, was something straight out of The Three Musketeers, with feathery plumes shooting out behind him. His mask covered his full face in the shape of an oversized skull. 

He was utterly terrifying and in complete command of the stage. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

This time the Phantom came with a new set of demands, and a brand new composition-- _Don Juan Triumphant._ He requested once again that Miss Christine Daae be cast as the lead role. 

Raoul chose that untimely moment to steal away to find Madame Giry, in an effort to find out more about the Opera Ghost. 

Left unprotected, the Phantom towered over Christine. His gloved hand reached out to grasp the chain holding her engagement ring and tore it savagely from her neck. He then disappeared behind a cloud of smoke. 

It was like the alternate ending to the scene where Jacob gave me the hand-carved wolf charm at my graduation party. I remembered feeling the fleeting wave of concern that Edward would crush it into dust when he saw the charm hanging from my wrist. But unlike this disturbed shadow of a man, my always gentle Edward had never shown me an ounce of cruelty. _Well, except that one time._ I winced. 

Interestingly, when Edward had left the charm intact, I had been relieved but also just a shade...disappointed? While I would never encourage Edward’s tendencies toward jealousy, when I saw it flash in his eyes, when I felt the possessive grip of his hand on my skin, I never felt more wanted or cherished. 

Be that as it may, my slightly more rational self appreciated how much more important it was that Edward had complete control over himself. After all, if not for his control...I shuddered to think of the grisly scene in Mr. Banner’s biology class. 

I sighed. However grateful I was for his restraint, it didn’t stop me from wishing he’d exercise that control a bit less _enthusiastically._ As surreptitiously as I could, I angled my head toward the stage in a way that let me admire his perfectly chiseled features in profile. I was sure he could feel me staring at him, but if he did, he didn’t show it. 

Edward was always so gentlemanly with me, so _appropriate_. It was hard to believe that we would be man and wife in less time than it would take for the milk in my fridge to expire. And once we were married, we would _try_. I had every confidence in him that it would work out, but I’d never really tried to imagine it with much detail. 

Leave it to me to daydream in the middle of a Broadway show, but that’s exactly what I did. I thought of Edward carrying me over the threshold of a lavishly decorated honeymoon suite in some exotic, as-yet-to-be-disclosed locale. Still in our wedding finery, he’d set me on my feet and kiss me until I was dizzy while a deft hand made quick work of the dozens of tiny satin buttons at my back. 

I imagined his lips blazing a frosty path across my heated skin. Down my neck, into the hollows of my collarbones, slowly peeling away the bodice of my gown like he was unwrapping a gift, inch by inch, with maddening patience. His eyes would burn black with desire, and he’d smirk at me, knowing _exactly_ what he was doing to me. 

When the booming organ music crashed through the theater, I was brought back to reality. When I looked again at Edward, he was staring back at me with the same pitch-black eyes I had just been fantasizing about. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to take a minute to thank you all for your continued support and patience as I churn out this story. Your thoughtful reviews seriously make my day!
> 
> I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cursed myself in this last week for committing to the Phantom of the Opera storyline because it was SO much harder than I thought it would be to (hopefully) do it justice while maintaining accuracy and keeping Bella and Edward at the center of things. And then it swelled to over 7,000 words, so I broke it down into two parts. So I hope you enjoy the bonus chapter and that you don’t find it as tedious to read as I found it to write! /facepalm. Let me know what you think! 


	12. Chapter 12

**EPOV**

  
  


When Bella turned her face to look at me, not wanting to get caught staring at her  _ again _ , I turned my eyes back to the stage so quickly that she wouldn’t have noticed the movement. 

_ What could she be thinking??  _ I wondered. Her reactions didn’t seem to align with what was going on stage. Was she thinking about something else? She winced as if in pain, then shuddered and sighed. It was an agitated sound. Onstage, Christine was singing mournfully to her father’s grave, torn between her love for Raoul and her enamorment with her tutor, the Angel of Music. 

Bella's eyes looked far away. Her hand grew clammy, her blood pressure was slightly elevated, her cheeks flushed, and her heartbeat stuttered unevenly. And then her sweet scent changed almost imperceptibly. I inhaled deeply, letting the flames rip through me. _For the love of all that was holy!_ Bella was aroused. 

_ What are you thinking?! _ I growled in my own head, wishing she could read  _ my  _ mind. The desire that coursed through me was stronger than any other instinct in my body.

I thought back to the feeling of electricity that jolted through me when we had to sit in close proximity in a darkened classroom to watch a film about plant cell division. The intensity of that moment paled in comparison to the amperage that coursed through me now. 

She turned to face me then, blushing and seductive as I’ve ever seen her. What a dangerous creature she was. This time I didn’t look away. I couldn’t. 

The performance was finally marching toward its conclusion. Christine was singing her part in  _ Don Juan Triumphant  _ when the monster suddenly appeared, replacing Piangi in the lead role. 

_ Past the point of no return, _

_ No backward glances.  _

_ The games we played til now  _

_ Are at an end. _

The song was pure sex. Much to Raoul’s great dismay, the Phantom and Christine sang to each other with the passion and the body language of lovers. 

_ When will the blood begin to race? _

_ The sleeping bud bursts into bloom? _

_ When will the flames at last consume us? _

Bella looked completely riveted now. Her eyes were wide and bright, her posture was rigid, and her fingernails were digging into my leg, or would be if my skin could be penetrated. I used my hand to smooth out her fingers, as I’d heard broken fingernails can be quite painful. 

Without warning, Christine once again ripped off the Phantom’s mask, revealing his disfigured face to the audience’s great horror. The monster furiously threw her over his shoulder and disappeared with her to his underground lair. 

Madame Giry led Raoul to a winding staircase at the entrance to the Phantom’s underground sanctum. When he finally navigated the maze of booby traps that led to a wedding-gown clad Christine at the bottom, the Phantom sprung a trap capturing Raoul, and placed a hangman’s noose around his neck. 

The Phantom gave Christine an ultimatum: stay with him, and spare Raoul’s life, or refuse him and watch her fiance die. 

Showing him compassion for the first time, Christine asked the Phantom what kind of life must he have had to make him into what he was. It was eerily similar to Bella’s compassionate analysis that he was prone to brutality because of the cruelty he’d always been shown.

Reaching out to touch his face, Christine told the Phantom he wasn’t alone and sweetly kissed him. 

Realizing, at last, that he’d never win her love by force, the devastated Phantom set them both free. His last words to her were a profession of his love. The couple escaped from the lair just in time for the angry mob to descend, but by the time they found the den of the monster, all that was left of him was his mask and his music box, playing on its own, as if by magic. 

The actors took their final bows to thunderous applause and a standing ovation, and after they finally cleared the stage, the curtain dropped and the house lights came back on. 

Bella gathered her things and stepped out into the aisle. I was close behind her. The bottlenecked audience was slow to amble through the series of doors at the rear of the auditorium, but we eventually made it out into the chilly Seattle night air. 

I slipped my suit jacket over Bella’s shoulders before she could catch a chill, and with my hand on the small of her back, guided her to the valet booth. I smirked as the three young men manning the booth, remembering me as a generous tipper, raced to be first to retrieve the key fob to my Aston Martin. 

Moments later, my favorite car came purring up to the curb. I opened the passenger door and extended my hand to help Bella inside, shutting the door carefully behind her. 

Not one to disappoint, I slipped a bill in the hand of the eager valet, but not before glancing at the odometer to make sure my Vanquish hadn’t been taken for a joy ride. Satisfied, I slipped behind the wheel, revved it once, and then pulled out onto the road.

I cleared my throat, fracturing the silence. “Alright. We’re alone now,” I stated the obvious. “What were you going to ask me earlier?” 

Bella threw her head back and laughed, clearly amused by my curiosity. 

“You were just waiting for the first possible opportunity to remind me of that, weren’t you?” she said through peels of laughter. 

I smiled despite myself. “Obviously.”

“It’s nothing all that exciting. I was just wondering if the theater was a ruined experience for you because of your ability to read minds? That must be horrible for you in a crowded theater like that!” Bella’s forehead creased in concern, the corners of her mouth turned down. 

I smiled at her reassuringly.

“I had an enchanting time with you tonight, love,” I brushed a kiss on the back of her hand. “Besides, I told you, I get a big kick out of watching you experience things for the first time. There could’ve been 20,000 people in that room, and I wouldn’t have noticed any of them but you.

“But in general, yes, live theater is something of a challenge when I can hear the thoughts of the actors, particularly when they make mistakes. Netflix was a real game-changer for me,” I chuckled. 

She giggled at my joke, but then grew quiet and thoughtful. 

I stifled a groan at my insatiable desire to understand her mind, and my frequent impatience when it remained a mystery to me. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked quietly. 

She didn’t say anything right away, and I felt the anxiety grow in the hollow cavity of my chest. 

“I guess I’m just a little surprised that you took me to this show. Specifically, I mean. You can’t deny the parallels between the Phantom and Christine..and you and I. And it’s not a happy ending...”

“Not for Phantom, no, I suppose not. But Christine and Raoul get to live happily ever after. She was meant to be with Raoul,” I pointed out gently. 

Bella huffed. “Raoul was the safe choice. The boring choice. Which is fine, I guess, if you want an average, mundane life,” she shrugged, unimpressed. 

“You can’t seriously think that the deranged serial killer was the better choice!” I pressed, a little more intensely than I meant to. I knew her self-preservation instincts were non-existent, but this was ridiculous. 

“I don’t think killing people is an irredeemable offense. Intent matters. A lot,” Bella challenged, staring out the passenger window as we flew past the other cars on the interstate. 

“Are we still talking about the Phantom?” I asked, confused. 

“I don’t know.  _ Are we _ ?” She jutted out her chin and looked me square in the eyes. “Kinda feels you’re doing your whole  _ ‘Pave the way for Jake’ thing,”  _ she said using air quotes. _ “ _ But I don’t understand why. You can rattle it all you want, but that door is staying  _ shut,”  _ Bella crossed her arms over her chest resolutely. 

I rushed to deny it, but unsure of the truth, the words faltered. 

“I just want you to make the right choice,” I said at last, my voice an agonized whisper. 

“Edward, for the last time, there never  _ was _ a choice. It’s always been you. And...if you hadn’t left, it always would have  _ been  _ you,” Bella replied in a hardened voice. 

“I will never deserve your forgiveness, but I’ll never stop trying to earn it,” I said, hanging my head miserably.

“Edward, if you value my sanity,” she borrowed my line in a half-shout, “you will stop apologizing! You’re forgiven. Just stop trying to convince me to make another choice! Our wedding is days away. Are you trying to make me anxious that you’re going to jilt me at the altar?”

I swerved across all four lanes of the highway, narrowly making the next exit.

“Edward! What are you--” Bella shrieked, white-knuckling the handle on the inside of the door. But before she could get the words out, I pulled into an empty parking lot and threw the car into park, lurching to a stop. She was looking out her window now, unsure of our surroundings, but I couldn’t have this conversation with her if I couldn’t see her face. 

I tucked a finger under her chin and gently nudged her to look at me. 

“Is that something you worry about, Bella?” I asked with a horror-struck expression but didn’t let her answer. 

“ _ Never.  _ I would  _ never  _ do that to you. I have been waiting a hundred years to marry you, Bella. Never doubt that! In fact, this is the only instance in which my feet will ever be warmer than yours,” I placed my hand on her knee and shook it slightly. 

The corner of Bella’s mouth curled into a small smile, but her eyes were clouded with uncertainty. 

“Then why are you always trying to convince me that I don’t belong with you?” Bella threw her hands up in exasperation, her eyes were glossy with the pain she worked hard to hide.

“Bella, I can’t bear the very idea of being parted from you ever again. There’s no part of me that  _ wants  _ that. But there is a part of me that knows that however much I may want you, and need you, and can’t exist without you...that you deserve so much more than a soulless halflife of never-ending night. And I would never forgive myself if I kept you from exploring that other option. That’s what I mean when I say I need you to be sure.” 

“Well consider it explored and rejected. See?” She held up her wrist with the bracelet she always wore. My mother’s diamond heart sparkled in the dim, yellow light of the poorly lit parking lot, but the wolf charm was missing. My eyes widened in recognition. 

“I took it off when I ended things with him,” Bella explained with a slight shrug of her shoulders. 

“That’s what  _ I  _ mean when I say I’m sure. And I’m ready...to be your wife, your partner, your mate.  _ All of it _ . ‘Anywhere you go, let me go, too’,” she quoted softly, but with unmistakable sincerity.

I found myself lost in the deep pools of her eyes, wanting to drown in their warmth. 

“That reminds me,” I said, patting the breast pocket of my jacket. I pulled out the small box and handed it to her. 

“What’s this?” She looked up at me, her brow knit together as she accepted the small, white, paper box. 

“I thought you might like a souvenir. My options were limited,” I smiled ruefully. “It’s a bit kitschy, but I thought it was apropos.”

Inside the box lay a necklace with a small silver oval plate that read “ _That’s_ _All I Ask of You_ ,” in an elegant script. The delicate sterling chain was adorned with charms in the shape of a heart, a red rose, a music note, and an angel. 

She gasped in surprise. “It’s perfect,” she breathed, fingering the small charms, then clutched the box to her chest. “Thank you, Edward. I love it.” Bella leaned across the center console and threw her arms around my neck, crushing her lips against mine. I kissed her with as much passion as I dared, before pulling away with a contented sigh. 

“No,  _ you’re _ perfect, Bella. Though, I’m glad you like the necklace.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **runs and hides**

*BPOV*

  
  


“Thanks again for doing this, Bells. Means a lot to your old man,” Charlie said, leaning against the kitchen counter next to where I was trimming the fat off of a raw slab of chuck roast. 

“Happy to help, Dad. I really like Sue!” I said sincerely, not looking up from what I was doing. Charlie appraised me for a moment. 

“For someone so clumsy, you’re pretty good with a butcher’s knife. Where’d you learn how to do that, anyway?” he remarked. 

I smirked, remembering the story. “When I was 13 or 14, I took an interest in cooking, mostly because I was sick of frozen fish sticks and mac and cheese,” I grinned. “And after I nearly took a finger off when I was trying to butterfly a chicken breast, mom signed me up for a knife skills class at the culinary school in Phoenix. I thought it was lame at the time, but I learned a lot, and I’m glad I went.” 

As I carefully dropped the roast into the sizzling hot cast iron pan on the stove, I accidentally bumped the cutting board with my hip sending the knife spinning off the counter. 

Charlie reflexively went to catch the knife, but I pushed his hand away letting the knife clatter to the linoleum floor. 

“Falling blades have no handles,” I repeated the wisdom that had prevented countless trips to the ER. 

Charlie’s eyes widened and he swallowed loudly. “That class was worth every penny!” 

I nodded in an exaggerated motion. 

“Sooo, tell me what you like about Sue,” I said in a teasing sing-song voice. “I don’t have to threaten her with bodily harm not to break your heart, do I?” I grinned at him with an eyebrow raised. 

Charlie harrumphed, uncomfortable on this side of the questions. 

“Is this revenge for embarrassing you in front of Edward?” he grumbled. 

I flipped the roast over and reseasoned it, satisfied with the deep golden brown sear I had achieved. 

“Oh, absolutely!” I agreed. 

Charlie was silent for a long moment; he stared at some interesting spot on the floor with a contemplative expression. 

“I’m hardly one to wax poetic about a woman, but Sue is just so different from anyone I’ve ever met. She’s not interested in material things. She has a quietness about her that just feels good to be around. And she even likes to fish!” Charlie looked at me then, pink-cheeked and smiling.

“She sounds like a keeper,” I smiled back, then bumped him playfully with my hip. Charlie bumped me back a bit harder. 

“I’m sure going to miss you when you’re off at school in the fall, Bells,” Charlie said with such fondness that I felt a lump swelling in my throat. Sterner now, with a furrowed brow, “You better not forget to pick up the phone and call me once in a while!”

“Promise, Dad,” I reassured with a tight-lipped smile.

  
  


**EPOV**

_ “I want you to spend more time doing the things you love, the things that make you Bella,”  _ I mocked my own baritone voice, rolling my eyes.

“Way to create your own misery, Cullen,” I muttered to myself. My Steinway thundered with the furiously paced 3rd Movement of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, the crashing notes echoing my own frustration and discontent. 

“There’s the miserable, brooding Edward that we all know and love!” Emmett’s booming, jovial voice competed with the hammering chords as he sauntered down the stairs.  “Though, muttering to yourself is a new low. You okay, bro?” His enormous hand clapped down on my shoulder. My hands froze on the keys. 

“What do you do with yourself when Rose kicks you out of the house, Em?”

“Woman trouble, huh? I didn’t think Bella had it in her,” Emmett chuckled. 

“No, it’s nothing like that, Emmett,” I corrected impatiently. “She has dinner plans tonight with Charlie and Sue Clearwater, the wolfpack den mother because I asked Bella to spend more time on human pursuits,” I explained. 

“Why?” Emmett asked with a bewildered expression. 

I sighed heavily. “Because she’ll regret the time she doesn’t spend with them afterward…” 

Emmett considered that for a moment. 

“I think getting mauled by a bear and being changed without my knowledge might’ve been easier than all this  _ planning _ ,” Emmett’s mouth curled into a wry smirk.

I fixed him with a hard stare.   
“Lighten up, Edward. Soon enough, you’ll never have to let her out of your sight ever again,” Emmett placated. “Unless she’s like Rose, and kicks you out of the house,” he added with an unapologetic laugh. 

I smiled at the thought of that, of getting to love Bella for eternity. Of getting to argue and make up and make love with her without the constant anxiety of losing her somehow. 

“There, now. See? I think you just found what the humans call your ‘happy place,” Emmett smiled widely. 

“Thanks, Em,” I said genuinely. 

“No problem. Now, enough with the boring classical music, piano man. How about something from the last century?”

On cue, I launched into Billy Joel’s Piano Man, which was admittedly somewhat lacking without a harmonica. 

“Now you’re talkin’!” Emmett bellowed enthusiastically. He started to sing along in his deep bass. 

_ Sing us a song you're the piano man _

_ Sing us a song tonight _

_ Well we're all in the mood for a melody _

_ And you've got us feeling alright _

Just then, Esme was lured out of the office by our boisterous jam session. Her thoughts registered the iconic song and my playful, easy smile. She was rapturous as she danced over to join us at the piano, harmonizing in her soothing alto voice. Emmett whooped and whistled at her in encouragement. 

“Oh Edward, that was wonderful!” Esme beamed at me, as the final chord reverberated through the room. 

“I think it’s settled. We should audition for America’s Got Talent. Edward can be the ‘mentalist pianist’ who plays whatever song the judges are thinking of, and then Esme and I can bring it home with the vocals,” Emmett extended his fist for Esme to bump with her own. Her petite hand looked almost childlike juxtaposed with his cartoonishly-large fist. 

“It’s a great idea in theory, but suffering through Howie Mandel’s comedy bits wouldn’t be worth it for a measly million dollars split three ways.” I joked. 

“Well you wouldn’t be Edward if you weren’t raining on somebody’s parade,” Emmett ribbed. 

Without missing a beat, I played a verse to Barbra Streisand’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade.”

“Streisand, really? Could you  _ be _ any more of a loser?”

I grinned. He was making it too easy. I plunked out the chorus to Beck’s “Loser.” 

“I can do this all day,” I laughed, swaying my whole body to the music in my best Ray Charles imitation.

“Well,  _ I _ can’t. Unlike you, I got a date! Ya know, the  _ real  _ kind, where clothes come off,” Emmett snickered, flipping me the bird while departing for his “dinner date” with Rosalie.

For Emmett and Rosalie, that meant going for a hunt deep in the woods and then ravaging each other in the wilderness where they didn’t have to worry about leveling any more of Esme’s architectural masterpieces. Esme was particularly fond of the Forks property. 

Esme rolled her eyes good-naturedly at our boyish squabbling. Emmett only flipped me off on the days ending in “y,” but it was always in jest. In fact, the day he  _ didn’t _ make rude gestures at me is the day I’d worry that he was truly put out with me. 

That was the nature of our relationship, two vampire brothers frozen in time and temperament at the ages of 17 & 20\. It was a wonder that Esme got any peace at all in this house. 

“Well if you two are quite finished,” Esme interrupted before I could deliver my next quip, “I have wedding preparations to see to. Edward, Alice wanted me to tell you not to wander off. She wants you to try on your tux when she and Rose get back from the bridal store.”

“But she already knows how it will look,” I protested with an incredulous laugh. I held up my hands in surrender when Esme pursed her lips in frustration--which was essentially a death glare coming from her. 

“While a televised talent contest is almost certainly against the Volturi’s rules,” Esme’s eyes sparkled with her amusement, “I wouldn’t say no to a Cullen family karaoke night,” Esme winked at me and gave the lid of my piano a light tap before turning to head back to the office. 

My chest rumbled with laughter, “Bella would just _ love _ that,” I said wryly to Esme’s retreating form. She tittered her way up the stairs. I laughed once again to myself imagining Bella’s horrified face upon Alice shoving a microphone in her hand. 

I wondered how my Bella was doing. Alice hadn’t warned me of any discrepancies with her future, so I could only assume that Sue’s wolf pups had decided to stay home, which wasn’t entirely surprising given Leah Clearwater’s antagonistic feelings toward Bella. 

Interestingly, I found that I didn’t worry so much about the idea of Bella’s future disappearing when it was with the young, pure Seth Clearwater, even if he was an immature werewolf. Jacob Black, on the other hand, was a wholly different situation. Feelings of irrational jealousy rankled through me. 

I shook off the intrusive thoughts.  _ Bella chose me.  _ I smiled, remembering the way she held up her wrist, showing off her bracelet, declaring herself to me. It had been previously occupied on either side by the tokens of Jacob’s and my respective affections. Now--unopposed by the counterweight of the wolf-- the cold, hard, sparkling heart dangled victoriously right up against the pulse point of her delicate wrist. 

Brusquely, I stood up from the piano bench, and with a sharp crack, my hands closed the fallboard over the keys. Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. Satisfied that she wouldn’t be serving dinner for a couple more hours yet, I started typing out a message. 

  
  


**BPOV**

  
  


“Hey Dad,” I called, bent over and half-swallowed by the fridge. “Is Sue going to want anything to drink besides beer and milk? That’s all we have.”

I straightened up and closed the refrigerator door. From the living room, I could hear the springs of his recliner groan in protest as he heaved himself out of the chair. The swinging door to the kitchen creaked open, and Charlie popped his head in. 

“I’ll go pop over to the store to pick up a bottle of wine. And if it’s alright with you, I’m going to take your truck so that I can get the oil changed. Need anything else while I’m out, kiddo?” Charlie asked. 

Charlie was not overly affectionate in how he parented me, but it was hard to miss all the other ways he loved me out loud. I took a glance around the kitchen and went over the menu in my head, mentally ticking off all the ingredients I’d need. 

I shook my head, “I think I’m good here, and thanks, Dad. That’s really sweet of you. The truck is overdue,” I bit my lip regretfully. 

“Back in an hour,” he said, and the kitchen door swung closed. I heard my keys jingle as he grabbed them off the rack in the hallway, and then the front door clicked shut behind him. 

I was just finishing wiping down the counter when my phone vibrated in my back pocket. 

_ Thinking of you, can’t wait to see you tonight. XO  _

_ -E _

I smiled and typed back a response.

_ Can’t wait to see you, too! If I told you every time I was thinking of you, I’d never have time to do anything else. ;)  _

The “read” receipt appeared instantly, and three dots flashed indicating that he was writing something back. 

_ Are you alone? _

The three small words sent a thrill through me. 

_ For a bit.  _ I answered back.

Then he was calling me. I answered on the first ring. 

“Hello, Bella,” his velvety voice sounded even more seductive than usual like he was trying to dazzle me over the phone. 

“H-hi,” I stuttered back with a suddenly nervous flutter in my belly. 

“Is this a bad time?” There was a hint of teasing in his tone. 

“It’s never a bad time for you,” my voice came out sounding stronger now. “But I’m curious...to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Oh my Bella, if I have anything to say about it, you’ll only ever have  _ me _ to thank for your pleasure.”

Holy crow! Edward,  _ my Edward,  _ was talking dirty to me. My phone slipped from my hand and bounced twice on the linoleum before landing face down. I muttered a curse and dove for the phone, fumbling with it. 

When I finally returned the phone to my ear, I could hear him chuckling in that sexy, somewhat patronizing way of his whenever I had a stroke of clumsiness. 

“Are you alright? I can practically hear your heart hammering through the phone,” he chuckled.

And I could practically see his smug smile. He didn’t sound the least bit concerned. I took two deep, steadying breaths. 

“Right as rain,” I tried to sound as  blasé as possible. Two could play at this game. “You just caught me about to jump in the shower. I’m going to put you on speakerphone while I get undressed,” I challenged. 

A sharp inhale followed by a long beat of silence. “Do it slowly. Describe it to me.”

_ ‘Holy shit, we’re really doing this! Well alright then,’  _ my inner thoughts rejoiced. I quickly scampered up to my bedroom and closed the door harder than I meant to. Nobody was home to hear my conversation, but the conversation felt too intimate to have outside my bedroom. 

“Bella? Are you still there?” Edward sounded a bit anxious now. 

“Yes! Yes, I’m here. Just struggling with the knot on my apron, but I’ve got it now,” I bit back a growl as I was unable to blindly detangle the knot of apron strings behind my back, so I yanked it off over my head and threw it at the corner of the room. 

“Now I’m peeling off my tank top--”

He interrupted me with a low groan. “Bella, can you go stand in front of a mirror?”

I puzzled at his request for a moment but did as he asked. “Ok, in front of a mirror” I confirmed, staring at my reflection in the mirror mounted above my dresser. 

“Tell me what you see? Do you see how exquisite you are?” Edward’s voice was more urgent now.

I let my eyes blur at the figure in the mirror, perhaps dissociating a little bit so that I could talk about the girl in the mirror without feeling the shame or embarrassment that should’ve accompanied such a task. I knew he would want me to be descriptive. Wasn’t that the point? 

“My hair is down, falling in waves below my shoulders. The contrast of my dark hair against my bare skin makes me look even fairer.” He hummed deeply in response, encouraging me. 

My eyes drifted further south. “I’m wearing a lacy white bralette that cuts down in a deep “v”, and has a lacy trim that wraps around my ribcage for about 2 inches below the underwire. My collarbones are pronounced, and my skin has a bit of a shimmer from the body wash I use. Like opals. 

“My stomach is taut and flat, and quivering a little bit, if I’m being honest,” my voice had the same nervous wobble. There’s a little silver scar over my right hip from when I had my appendix out in middle school.”

“Trace your fingers over that scar. Pretend they’re my fingers, Bella, because that’s what I’d be doing if I was there. And kissing it too,” the huskiness in Edward’s voice made every nerve ending in my body stand at attention. 

“Oh my God, Edward, don’t stop,” I keened. His words were having an undeniable effect on me. 

Edward’s satisfied chuckle ghosted in my ears. “The brain is the biggest and most important sex organ, did you know that Bella?”

“I believe I’ve read that somewhere,” I agreed coolly. 

“Where should I touch you next, Bella?” His silken voice caressed the words. 

“Everywhere!” It was almost a shout. He laughed again. 

“I would want to know what your panties look like before I slowly slide them down your long, slender legs, kissing every smooth inch of your creamy skin, on my way down to your cute little toes.”

I sucked in a breath. I was painfully turned-on. My nipples were sensitive and swollen, straining against their cotton confines. The heat of my core was blooming outward in an ever-growing radius that felt like it would consume me if not somehow extinguished. Pretty soon, I would be begging him once again to put out the fire, but this time, I imagined his mouth somewhere other than on my hand. 

“Boyshorts,” I gasped, struggling to make complete sentences now. “Matching, white lacy boyshorts that ride up in the back revealing the bottoms of my cheeks, and the creases where my legs meet my body. There’s a tiny pink satin bow just below my belly button. 

Edward groaned. It was a delicious sound. “Those are very naughty panties, Bella. I think you need to take them off right now, and I’m going to confiscate them when I see you later tonight,” he ordered. 

Authoritative Edward sent a powerful jolt of desire straight to my heat. 

“If you think that’s necessary,” I breathed, shimmying out of the panties. I folded them neatly and placed them on the window jam. Let  _ that  _ be the first thing he smells when he climbs through my window. 

“Oh, I very much do,” Edward agreed emphatically. 

Something occurred to me. “This hardly seems fair that I’m naked as a jaybird, and you have all your clothes on,” I bit my lip, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed. 

“Silly Bella,” he crooned. “What makes you think I’m wearing anything at all?” 

My jaw unhinged at that revelation. 

“Is that so?” I gulped. “Boy, would I love to see that! Mostly because, you’re, well, the most gorgeous person that’s ever walked this earth,” I rambled. “But also because...um, well, how does that work exactly, when your skin is already so hard? Do you just have a raging hard-on all the time?” _Oh. My. God._ I cringed, but I couldn’t stop the verbal diarrhea from pouring out. 

Edward erupted in laughter, and I could feel the blood racing to my cheeks. 

“Sorry, Bella. I’m not laughing at you,” he attempted to reign himself in.

“That’s a fair question, and I expect you’ll have lots of questions. But no, I don’t always have a raging hard-on. Or, at least, I didn’t before I met you,” he qualified, chuckling a few more times. 

“Though, I think it might be easier to show you than to explain,” he added gently. 

My eyes widened at his explanation. I couldn’t really imagine it, but the idea of seeing Edward’s most intimate parts made my blood bubble beneath my skin. 

“I can’t wait to see all of you, Edward,” I whispered shyly. “It’s hard to imagine you being even more beautiful without your clothes on, but I already know that’s true.” 

Edward sighed on the other end. It didn’t sound like an unhappy sound, but I couldn’t quite place the emotion behind it. 

“You have no idea, Bella, how much it torments me. I want you,  _ oh, how I want you.  _ Mind, body, and soul, more than I can possibly describe with mere words. The idea of you bare and waiting for me makes me so hard that it’s difficult to control myself, and I can never afford to lose control with you. 

“The thought of making love to you while you’re still human, still so warm and breakable is terrifying and exhilarating, and unthinkable, and..sometimes it’s all I can think about,” he admitted. “It’s  _ impossible _ to reconcile how much I want every part of you with how much it would destroy me to hurt you,” he finished anxiously. 

I didn’t have to see him to instinctively know that he was pacing and tugging at his hair. 

“Edward, there was a time when you thought you couldn’t be in the same room as me without killing me. And you certainly never believed yourself capable of tasting my blood without killing me, and you did that, too. Your self control rivals even Carlisle’s. I wish you would give yourself more credit for that! 

"But this conversation has gotten off track,” I added quickly before he could argue with me. “I’m naked. You’re naked. And there’s no way you can hurt me now, so let’s focus on that. It’s more fun,” I teased.

“Yes, ma’am” he agreed, his tone lighter now. I could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Where were we?” I tried to make my voice sound seductive. 

“You just agreed to give me those very indecent panties,” Edward recollected, “And I was...struggling to tell you in a gentlemanly way how much you are driving me absolutely crazy with lust right now!” 

“You better not be worried about offending me!” I demanded. “I know you’re old school, Edward, but you talking dirty to me...it makes me  _ wet _ ,” I said the word with as much boldness as I possessed. “I guess you’ll just have to see for yourself when you come to claim these panties,” I added with a smirk. Edward growled, and I thrilled at the sound. I needed to hear him make that sound again.

“Where would you touch me now, Edward?” I touched my own breasts, wanting to feel his hands on my body, but settling for my own. 

“Get on your bed, Bella. Lay down and spread your legs. I would want to see all of you,” he directed. 

“Mhm,” I acquiesced. “Now what?” 

“Touch yourself, Bella. Pretend they are my hands, and lips, and tongue. You can’t possibly imagine all the things I want to do to you, all the ways I’ve imagined making you scream my name,” Edward’s voice was strained. 

I gasped, not having the words nor the ability to form them. 

“Edward, please!” I begged, for what I wasn’t sure. My hands cupped the undersides of my breasts, my thumbs running over their stiff peaks. 

“I want to kiss and touch and lick and tickle every angle and curve and crease. I want to know all your secret spots. I can’t wait to know your body as well as I’m getting to know your mind, Bella. I have a feeling you’ll never stop surprising me in that regard, either,” Edward mused with complete adulation.

The fingertips of my right hand drifted down my torso, circling my navel, to rest upon my clean shaven mound. The heel of my hand put delicious pressure on my pubic bone. A satisfied groan escaped my lips. 

“What are my hands doing, Bella?” 

I sighed contentedly. “Your left hand is pinching my nipple, and your right hand is pressing down on my pussy waiting for further instructions,” I giggled. 

There was that growl again. 

“Such dirty words out of your sweet mouth. God, that’s so hot, love. I’m not going to last if you keep talking like that.” 

“Are you...touching yourself, too?” I asked, suddenly timid. 

“You overestimate my self-control if you think I could imagine you as you are, with that sexy little mouth of yours moaning in my ear and not do anything about it,” he laughed once; there was a hard edge to it. 

“What are  _ my  _ hands doing?” I asked him, dipping my fingers into my wet heat.

“Stroking me to the very edge of my sanity,” Edward replied in a labored voice. 

“Mmm, that’s so good,” I hummed my pleasure at my fingers circling the bundle of nerves there. 

“That’s it, Bella. Keep rubbing that sweet pussy. You know I would make it so good for you. I can’t wait to be there with you, Bella. I want you so much! I want to hear you cum. Are you close?”

“Yess,” I hissed. I pinched my nipple harder now, to the point of pain, as I feverishly chased my release. My hips undulated against the ministrations of my hand, and my breaths were coming in ragged pants until they weren’t coming at all. For an endlessly long moment, my muscles seized up, my breath stalled in my throat until finally my climax consumed me. 

“Edward!” I screamed as the waves of pleasure crashed over me again and again making my back arch and my toes curl. 

Just then, I heard Edward call my name, and then he groaned out his own release. It was a gloriously visceral sound that sent chills up and down my spine. And then I started to come down from the high, feeling euphoric and boneless, with a lazy smile plastered on my face. 

“We have  _ got _ to talk on the phone more,” I giggled, sounding drunk with my pleasure. 

He laughed at that, and the sound was so relaxed and carefree that it almost sounded like it came from someone else. 

“Oh my Bella, thank you for that. I never could have imagined that just hearing your voice would be my undoing. I am overcome.” 

“Neither could I! It’s  _ never  _ anything like that when it’s just me. That was like a religious experience,” I exhaled loudly. I could scarcely begin to think about how much more intense it would be when it really was his hands on my skin. 

Just then, I heard my truck rumbling down the street toward the house. 

“Charlie will be home in a minute. I really do need to jump in the shower now,” I sighed regretfully, not wanting the moment to end. 

“That makes two of us,” he snorted with humor. “Have a pleasant dinner, love. Because you are in  _ so  _ much trouble when I get there later tonight,” he chuckled darkly. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less. I’ve been told I’m a magnet for trouble,” I countered with a dramatic flair that I rarely possessed. I punched the red “end call’ button and streaked down the hall to the bathroom. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek! I did it! I wrote something vaguely smutty, and I don’t hate how it turned out! Thanks for your patience with this installment. I have the WORST time writing fluff, and I kept getting stuck. I really hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to hearing what you think. As always, thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**EPOV**

It was a quiet ride back to Bella's house. For once, I left her alone with her thoughts because

I was equally absorbed in mine. A smile played on my lips as I recalled the events of the day. Would she ever stop surprising me?

I know I was the one that initiated this afternoon's phone call, and that I had made the innuendo that catalyzed the provocative conversation. Still, I knew better than anyone that it's one thing to have sexual thoughts and desires, but it's another thing entirely to make yourself so completely vulnerable by stating those desires out loud, in graphic detail.

I looked at her in profile, her eyes on the road and her hands gripping the wheel. God, she was beautiful. I thought of the way she looked at me today, desirous and alluring and unapologetically female.

" _It was like talking to the romance novel version of you, the version I thought only existed in my head,"_ she had said. What I wouldn't have given to be inside her head at the moment!

I knew, to some extent, that Bella must fantasize about me; I had yet to meet a hormone-driven teenager who didn't have fantasies. I would burn all over again to know what drove her lust-fueled thoughts when she was all alone.

What did she imagine me doing to her, and her to me? There was nothing, _nothing,_ I wouldn't do for her. It took all my restraint not to simply ask her, especially after she had asked me what I fantasize about, but something stopped me.

I decided that rather than asking her in a thousand different ways what kind of lover she wanted me to be, I'd rather let her show me and find out for myself. But that was going to take patience I wasn't sure I had, especially considering how bold she was becoming in her advances.

Our wedding night couldn't come soon enough! I was rapidly losing the restraint it took to refuse her, and she knew it, too, the little minx. I smirked, giving her a sideways glance. My beautiful Bella, pure and fair and warm and silent. If I lived a thousand years, I would never meet her equal.

When she asked me about my fantasies, I'll admit, I copped out. Rationally, I knew that my urges were nothing to be ashamed of. To deny one's sexuality was about as natural as trying not to blink.

But like anybody else, I was a product of my upbringing. I grew up in one of the most puritanical, sexually repressive eras in American history, and as I tried to explain to Bella, some things went against the grain.

It went without saying that I had fantasies about Bella, but it was complicated. The more vulgar fantasies left me with a feeling of guilt and disgust because I felt as if I was disrespecting my beautiful bride-to-be in my own mind, and that was inexcusable.

In my own private moments of need, I flipped through a mental slideshow of memories of her being unintentionally sexy.

I thought of her licking blackberry juice off of her full and luscious lips, moaning at the taste. I thought of the beguiling way she would tuck a wayward lock of hair behind her ear, smiling shyly, right before she blushed scarlet. I thought of the stubborn set of her jaw when she was angry; she was _glorious_ when she was angry.

By the time we pulled up to Bella's usual parking spot on the curb, I was inwardly berating myself for letting myself get all worked up just in time to be alone with her all night long in the close confines of her bedroom. I hoped Charlie would engage her when she walked inside, giving me some time to get myself under control.

"See you upstairs!" Bella said brightly, pulling her key from the ignition and putting it in her pocket. She reached for the door handle to let herself out, but I couldn't bear to let her walk away from me, even for the shortest amount of time, without feeling the warmth of her kiss.

I gently took her by the arm, stopping her.

"Hold it right there, Miss Swan. Aren't you forgetting something?" I said, remembering her earlier reaction to my using an authoritative tone with her. I didn't know much about her desires yet, but I could be reasonably sure that some part of my little goddess liked to be dominated. I filed that thought away for later.

Her heart stuttered. She looked at me quizzically but seemed to get my meaning as soon as she took in the smoldering need in my eyes.

She smiled coquettishly and slid across the vinyl seat. "Maybe you could refresh my memory," she said, peering up at me through her long lashes.

I couldn't help but wonder if that was the same irresistible face she made for Jacob Black when she used her charms to trick him into breaking the treaty. Poor Jacob Black didn't stand a chance.

I took her chin between my thumb and forefinger and tilted her face upward. Her eyes closed and her lips parted, and I drew in closer to her. I decided to tease her a little bit and held my mouth just a hair's breadth away from hers, not yet giving in to the kiss. I could feel her warm breath and the electricity of her proximity every bit as well as I knew she could feel mine.

And then I pressed my lips to hers, softly at first, but growing in intensity. I carefully wrapped my lips around my teeth and deepened the kiss, making her moan approvingly against my mouth.

When I could tell she was running out of breath, I pulled away from her mouth and set my lips to the sensitive spot just under her jaw. She gasped at the attention, and I chuckled against her sweet-smelling skin.

Reluctantly, I pulled away. "You better get in there," I muttered. "Charlie heard you pull up and is about to come check on why you're taking so long to come inside." I jumped out of the truck and ran over to the driver's side where I opened her door and offered her a hand to help her down.

"To be continued," Bella said, kissing me quickly once more, before turning and rushing up the front walk to her doorstep. I hurried over to the northern side of her house and made the easy leap up to her window. I effortlessly slid the window open, my nostrils flaring as I was immediately assaulted by the scent of Bella's arousal.

I jumped inside the small room. I couldn't make any sense of it at first. Her bedroom was still in darkness; Bella was still downstairs telling her father goodnight. Then I noticed the neatly folded scrap of white fabric-the source of the scent-placed very intentionally on the window sill.

_For the love of all that was holy!_ She had left her panties for me to find. I picked them up, feeling the thin cotton slide between my fingers. Shoving the underwear in my pocket, I swallowed quickly at the venom pooling in my mouth and willed myself to regain control. Bella would be walking through the door at any moment, and I was utterly frenzied with lust for her.

As if on cue, I could hear her light footsteps padding down the hallway, then her heart racing on the other side of the door just before it creaked open. She slipped inside the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

Bella seemed a little thrown off by the fact that I was still standing by the window in the dark. A dim light was cast over the room as she switched on the desk lamp and tossed her jacket over the back of a chair.

"Everything alright?" she asked, a small 'v' appearing between her brows. Her concerned doe eyes grew even wider as she processed my wild-eyed expression.

I held my hand out in a gesture for her not to come any closer.

"I just need a moment...I got your little present, and it was a bit of a shock to the senses," I smiled at her ruefully.

Her wide eyes darted to the window sill and her mouth fell open. "Shoot! I totally forgot about that! How much trouble am I in?"

I laughed at her guilty expression. " _So_ much trouble," I growled.

I took a few more deep breaths, using the familiar burn to recenter myself, then relaxed my frozen posture. I walked over to her bed, kicked off my shoes, and casually fell backward on the mattress with my hands folded behind my head.

Bella exhaled loudly, looking relieved, and maybe just a little smug.

"I'll be just a minute," she smiled at me in the mirror as she dug an oversized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants out of her dresser drawer and excused herself to the bathroom.

I gestured with an open palm toward the door as if to say, "Go right ahead." She breezed through the door which clicked shut behind her.

I reached in my pocket, fisting the material of her panties. It had a surprisingly soothing effect. Her essence was literally in my pocket; as far as souvenirs go, it was a great deal better than a Snapple cap.

As she turned the shower on, I heard the water rushing through the pipes of the home, like blood pumping through veins.

I imagined her, in the small bathroom, the mouthwatering scent of her intensified by the heat and steam; it sent flames scorching through my throat. I didn't have to imagine the sound of her heartbeat; I could hear it clear as day, thumping steadily away as she went about her evening routine.

Right now, she would be slowly unbuttoning her blouse and letting it fall from her shoulders. And knowing her as well as I did, she'd throw it on the floor in the corner. She'd shimmy out of her skirt, probably trip over it as she stepped out of it, and toss it onto the pile. Then she'd reach behind her and unclasp her bra, sighing in relief to be free of the confining garment.

In my fantasy, she had her back to me, because even in my own mind, I shied away from impropriety. But I couldn't help but remember how it felt when she had placed my hands over her breasts earlier tonight.

The trust, desire, and raw need shining in her eyes, and the feel of her soft body under my hands ignited something in me that I was struggling to contain. I could feel my control wavering and knew I needed to tread very carefully.

As Bella shut the water off with a lurch of the knob, the sound of water running in the pipes slowed, then stopped. I heard Bella wring the water out of her hair before throwing open the shower curtain.

Outside the house, I could hear Charlie getting into his cruiser. He had waited for Bella to get home promptly at midnight but then had to go to the station to cover for his deputy who was in the hospital with his wife having a baby.

This wasn't exactly welcome news because Bella was always so much bolder when we were truly alone. And after the events of this evening, I wasn't sure I had the restraint to refuse whatever "gear" she wanted to try next. I sighed, somewhat anxiously.

Just then, Bella's door swung open and she appeared in her nightclothes with a towel wrapped around her wet hair like a turban. Her skin was pink, freshly scrubbed from the shower, and she smelled of her usual intoxicating scent mixed with the added aroma of her strawberry body wash.

"So what's on the agenda for tomorrow?" Bella asked as she untwisted the towel from her head and began to vigorously towel dry her damp hair.

I smiled at how we were already starting to sound like an old married couple...not that we'd ever get old, I thought with a bittersweet mixture of gratitude and regret.

"I believe Alice wanted me to bring you by for your final dress fitting, and also a cake tasting."

Bella nodded a little absentmindedly. "I don't suppose you have any preferences about cake flavors?" She met my eyes in the mirror with a teasing smile.

I rolled my eyes. "I will defer to you on that one," I chuckled. "Though come to think of it, one of the few human memories I have of my mother is eating her lemon cake. It was my favorite," I said softly with a small smile.

Bella's eyes widened as if I had just said something profound. It was the way she always looked whenever I told her some long-forgotten anecdote from my human life.

**BPOV**

"Well, that settles it, then! The cake will have a lemon tier," I said decidedly. I finished combing out my hair and went to curl up beside Edward in bed.

"That's sweet, but hardly necessary, love. I will have to eat some of it for the sake of appearances, but it won't matter to me one bit what flavor it is," he said in a gentle tone, wrapping an arm around me and kissing my still-damp hair.

"It matters to _me._ I want to honor your mother in any way that I can. I know so little about her...or _you_ for that matter," I added in a quieter voice.

"You don't _know_ me?" he repeated with a raised brow. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Edward asked, hurt evident in his voice.

"Just that...you were around for decades before me. You've lived an entire lifetime (and then some)before you ever even saw my face. I want to know _that_ Edward, too! I want to know everything about you," I finished, glancing up at him. His face relaxed, the hurt seeming to dissipate.

"Ah, well, next time you see Esme, ask her to haul out the old photo album," Edward suggested with my favorite crooked smile.

My jaw dropped open. "There's a _photo album?_!" I screeched excitedly.

He nodded, grinning. "Kept under lock and key because it would be rather, well, damning if photo evidence of our agelessness ever surfaced. But try telling someone like Esme that she can't have photos of her children." He smirked, radiating love and affection for his adopted mother.

"It bothers me, though, that you feel like you don't know me, Bella," a small frown formed on his lips. "Trust me when I say that none of it mattered. I wasn't the person I was meant to be because I hadn't met you yet." A cool hand cupped my cheek.

"I could say the same thing right back to you. Would it make my past any less interesting or relevant to you?" I countered.

He had a stricken look on his face. "Of course not! Ok, I guess I see your point. But you _do_ know me, Bella. In many ways, better than anyone else does."

"I'll never know you better than Alice," I whispered, for the first time realizing how much that bothered me.

Edward smiled and ruffled my hair. "It's true that Alice and I have a very special bond. Because of our gifts, we sort of speak our own language. The only thing I can compare it to is the uncanny relationship between identical twins. And you would not be the first, second, or even third person in the family to get irritated by that from time to time," Edward laughed lightly. "In fact, Emmett would tell you to 'join the club.'

"Be that as it may," he said in a more serious tone, "Alice is my sister. You are my _world._ "

"Well, when you put it like _that..."_ I yawned, feeling a bit silly for bringing it up.

"Bedtime for the human?"

I glanced over at the clock on my bedside table. The digital clock read 12:42 in bright red digits.

"I can't wait until I don't have to sleep," I grumbled with heavy eyes.

"Aw, don't say that, love. It's one of the few things I miss," Edward murmured wistfully.

"Yeah, but when I don't have to sleep, we'll have so much more time to spend together, talking..and other things," I trailed off, my hand skimming over his chest and strayed southward over his chiseled abdomen. A cold hand clamped overtop of mine, impeding any further exploration.

My head shook gently with vibrations of his laughter rumbling from his chest. "Oh, my beautiful Bella. We will literally have all the time in the world for that," he chuckled. "Do you know what else I'll miss?" he whispered in my ear.

"Hmm?" I answered drowsily.

"Listening to you dream. It must be my favorite pastime. So don't be in such a hurry to stop dreaming, love. The rest of it can wait."

"M'kay," I sighed, half asleep. "Night, Edward. Love you."

"Sweet dreams, my love. I'll be right here. I love you, too. More than I can ever say," Edward crooned. He tucked my comforter up around shoulders, smoothed my hair out of my face, and kissed my forehead. I sighed happily and drifted off to sleep to the soft sounds of Edward humming my lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short fluffy chapter that sort of wrote itself. I know FF was having some issues for a day or so, so I hope y'all didn't have any trouble reading Ch 14. You can also find me (and this fic) over on AO3 should FF ever go down again. Thank you all for taking the time to read and review. I can't tell you how much it makes my day!


	15. Chapter 15

**BPOV**

I slept fitfully that night. If I wasn't tossing or turning, I was plagued by dreams that seemed to have come from the darkest depths of my deepest insecurities.

I dreamt of Charlie, depressed and despondent. He looked older, thinner, and his dark curls had turned mostly gray.

" _Charlie, I hate to see you like this, my friend. It's been 6 years since you've heard from her. Maybe it's time to let go," Billy Black placed a consoling hand on Charlie's shoulder._

" _SHE'S MY DAUGHTER, GODDAMNIT!" Charlie exploded, shaking off the hand from his shoulder. Then in a softer voice,_ " _Would you give up looking if it was one of your kids, Billy?" Charlie seethed._

" _You've got to go on with your life, Charlie. She obviously did," Billy's eyes were mournful._

" _SHE WOULDN'T JUST DISAPPEAR! Something must have happened to her. She wouldn't do that to me and her mother. That's not Bella!" Charlie fumed, his voice cracking with emotion._

" _Isn't it though?" Billy gently reminded. He didn't need to say more. It wasn't as if I didn't have a history of running off._

The scene changed then.

" _Bella," Edward beamed in his tuxedo, "I'd like you to meet my mother, Elizabeth. Mother, this is Bella."_

_Elizabeth Masen was a tall, stately woman, dressed in a corseted gown that would have been the peak of fashion in the early 1900s. She donned elbow-length calfskin gloves and an elegant wide-brimmed hat embellished with tall plumes of ostrich feathers and fastened in the back with a wide taffeta bow._

_Her dress actually quite closely resembled the gown that I was wearing as a tribute to her for our wedding ceremony, though hers was in a shade of powder blue. The other difference was that she looked like she was born to wear that gown, while I looked like a cheap imitation in a Halloween costume._

_With piercing green eyes she shrewdly looked down her long, straight nose at me._

" _How do you do?" Elizabeth asked flatly, bowing her head so that the brim of her enormous hat dipped down momentarily obscuring her eyes. Not bothering to wait for my response, she then turned to Edward._

" _I suppose she'll do," she sighed impatiently. "Edward, dear, didn't you say there would be lemon cake? You know it's Masen family tradition to serve lemon cake at a wedding reception! It's good luck...unless you don't_ want _to be blessed with children, that is," she finished snidely, looking back at me._

_Edward looked at me then with a matching look of disdain. He then offered his mother an arm, and they walked away from me while I sobbed and cried for him to come back, chasing after him but tripping and falling over my gown and never quite managing to reach them._

The scene changed again. This time, it was like I was outside of my own body.

_I could see myself waking up with pale skin, red eyes, a burning throat, and an unfamiliar, newly fortified body._

_I looked around the cold, sterile room for Edward, but could only find Alice. She smiled at me sadly knowing hers was not the face I'd hoped to see._

" _He just needs time, Bella," she answered before I could ask._

**EPOV**

When Bella started tossing and turning, I slipped out of her bed giving her some room to move around, and went to sit in the rocking chair.

When she started mumbling in her sleep, I eagerly listened. As always, I was keenly interested in the inner workings of her subconscious mind.

"Charlie...I'm here. Charlie! I'm sorry," she cried, her face twisted with regret. I frowned and considered waking her, but then she went quiet again. Though, her body was still restless.

Some time had passed before she started talking again. She muttered nonsensically about cake. I smiled, thinking she was thinking about our upcoming wedding, but then she started begging in a panicked voice "Pleeease. Come back!" she sobbed. My blood ran cold...or would have if I had any.

In an instant, I was by her side. I gently shook her shoulder, but she was still deeply out.

"But...I died for him," a desolate whisper.

"Bella! Bella, wake up!" I pleaded, shaking her harder now. She finally started to come around.

She groaned and rubbed her eyes, squeezing them tightly shut before they finally started to flutter open.

"Bella, I'm here. I'm right here. It was just a dream," I said in an urgent whisper, rubbing small circles on her back.

"Edward?" Bella reached for me, and I helped her sit up.

"You were having a bad dream. Everything is fine, I'm here, love," I rushed to reassure her.

"I gathered as much," she said irritably. I stifled a laugh at her snarky tone.

"Do you want to talk about it? That's supposed to help," I urged. Though truthfully, I wasn't sure if I could stand knowing what caused such heartbreak in her voice. I was pretty sure I already knew.

"I..um..your mother?" Bella said, her voice still thick with sleep.

"Esme?" I asked incredulously.

"No, your _mother._ Elizabeth. She didn't like me. There was no lemon cake at the wedding. And you left me because I couldn't give you children," Bella explained, barely coherent.

"My mother didn't like you? And I... _what_?" I said, completely bewildered.

Her eyes flooded over with tears and her shoulders started to heave with her sobs.

"Bella!" I cried anxiously, surprised by the sudden onslaught of her grief. There were few things that made me feel as powerless as when Bella cried. "It's alright," I consoled, wrapping her in my arms and rocking her, desperate to stop her tears.

Finally, her sobs ebbed into hiccups and sniffles, and then she went quiet.

"For what it's worth, my mother would have loved you, Bella, because I love you, and more importantly, because you love me. That's all that would've mattered to her," I told her in my most gentle voice while stroking her hair.

Bella smiled weakly and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "She sounds like Esme."

I reached over to her bedside table for a tissue and handed it to her.

"Esme and my mother would have been fast friends if they had ever gotten to meet," I mused.

"Bella, did you-" I hesitated. There was clearly more to Bella's dream than that. It was certainly possible that she didn't remember, but the idea of her feeling like she couldn't tell me nagged at me.

"Did I what?" She prompted me to finish asking the question I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to.

"Did you dream about anything else? You were talking up a storm," I cracked a smile, trying to keep my tone light.

"Ughh," she groaned, embarrassed. "What did I say?"

I looked at her appraisingly. She wouldn't look me in the eye. "I asked you first," I nudged.

Bella looked at me like a deer in headlights. Then she looked down at her hands folded in her lap and sighed anxiously. Her shoulders sagged forlornly.

I tucked a finger under her chin and tilted her face upward until she was meeting my concerned gaze. She sighed again.

"Tell me, Bella. _Please,_ " I entreated her.

"I dreamed of Charlie. He was sad and old. He hadn't heard from me for a long time and was worried about me. Billy told him he needed to move on because I already had," Bella shrugged, clearly editing her thoughts, but I didn't press the subject.

I nodded. "Is that all?"

Another heavy sigh. "I woke up as a vampire and you weren't there."

Confusion crossed my face. "Where was I?"

She shrugged again. "I don't know. Alice was there. She just said 'He just needs time.' And then you woke me up."

I took her face in my hands and spoke slowly and clearly. If she didn't yet understand what I was about to tell her, well damn it, she was going to!

"You know that there is nothing in heaven or hell that could keep me away from you when you're changing, Bella. Or ever again. You _know_ that, right?"

"Yes," she answered too quickly. I studied her face.

Ignoring her answer to the contrary, I asked, "What is it that worries you so?"

"Just what I've already told you...that you won't want me anymore, afterward," Bella's eyes fell, as did my hands from her face.

I knew the words were coming, had heard them so many times, but the blow to my dead heart never seemed to lessen. How to make her understand?

Bella had a knack for making me see things from her side by flipping our perspectives. I wondered if she'd respond to the same tactic.

"Bella, if I could become human for you, would you love me any less for losing my strength, or speed, or ability to read minds?"

Without missing a beat, she quipped, "Well that depends. Would you look 105?"

My tone hardened, "I'm serious, Bella!".

"No, of _course_ not!" she huffed, sounding offended.

"Well, then _WHY_ would I love you any less for becoming more like me?" I furrowed my brow in exasperation.

"I already know what I'm getting," she gestured toward me with an open palm like she was a model on The Price is Right showing off a new Cadillac. "Who knows what kind of monster you'll be stuck with once my upgrades are done? My gift will probably be being supernaturally clumsy. Oh, wait." She rolled her eyes at herself self-deprecatingly.

I didn't know whether to laugh or shake her. I wanted to do both.

"First of all, _upgrades?_ That's an interesting way to put it." . _..If you're a duplex_ , I thought dryly.

"Second of all, I know what I'm getting, too. I'm getting you. And if you end up being a clumsy vampire, then I'll blissfully spend eternity catching you when you fall." I picked up her hand and kissed it.

Bella looked at me contemplatively.

"What are you thinking?" I asked when I couldn't stand not knowing any longer.

"I guess I just wish I knew what worries you _,_ too _._ It feels like you're always the strong one, the one that's always talking me down when my fears get the best of me. It would help if...what I mean to say is...I would feel more like an equal partner if you leaned on me from time to time, too."

Bella's admission caught me off guard. My eyes widened in surprise.

"You don't feel like an equal partner?" I asked, trying to hide the alarm in my voice. I was no relationship expert, but I _did_ know that these sorts of feelings didn't bode well in the long term for a young relationship.

It was Bella's turn to look exasperated. "For someone with supernatural intelligence, you can be incredibly obtuse," she smirked, taking some of the sting off of her barbed statement.

"I wish everyone would stop calling me obtuse," I muttered in a low voice.

"You are filthy rich and insist on paying for absolutely everything. You use your Jedi mind tricks to manipulate people to get whatever you want. You kidnap me when you don't like the company I keep. Can you see why I might think the balance of power is a little lopsided?" Bella asked sounding just a smidge patronizing.

"So what you're saying is that maybe Charlie should stage that intervention after all," I summarized bleakly, feeling like the biggest cad imaginable.

Bella rolled her eyed. "Obviously not. But I do think it would be better--for both of us--if you remind yourself from time to time that I'm not a child for whom you can make executive decisions. I'm an autonomous adult who is about to be your _wife._

"It's like when Charlie tries to control me and I do the exact opposite of what he wants just to spite him. I can't help it; it's how I'm wired," she added with a shrug.

"Don't I know it," I agreed with a weary sigh. "I'm so sorry, Bella. My behavior in the past has been reprehensible. I know you're not a child, but that doesn't stop me from feeling the overwhelming need to protect you. You are the most precious thing in my world, and also the most fragile. The thought of losing you makes me go a little crazy sometimes," I admitted sheepishly.

"I freely admit I haven't always gone about it the right way. I won't apologize for my protectiveness. You _need_ protection," I said sternly with a furrowed brow. "But I _am_ sorry for the times I mistook control for protection. I never want to do that, and I hope you'll continue to take me to task if I do," I shamefully hung my head in apology.

"See, _that's_ the stuff I want to know! You worry about losing me. _Tell me that_ , and we'll talk about it and figure out a solution. Don't disable my truck or kidnap me or make far-reaching decisions without my input. That's the kind of crap that makes me wanna-" she made a face and shook her fist at me. It was adorable.

"Got it, loud and clear," I nodded once.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I remembered Carlisle warning me about resentment building if I continued to assume that I knew best, and here we are. I sighed. What a fool I was.

"I will make an appreciable effort to open up more about my concerns. I just didn't want _my_ worries to become _your_ worries. But if you'd like to know, I'll tell you.

"As you know, my biggest fear is something happening to you. I like to think I'm pretty rational about that most of the time, but God only knows sometimes I'd like to wrap you in bubble paper and hide you away in a meteor-proof panic room until you're not so breakable," I cracked half a smile.

"And for a long time, I worried about Jacob," I scowled. It would seem I had some resentment of my own. "For a while there, I wasn't sure how that was going to turn out, and the thought of losing you to him scared me almost as much as losing you to death.

"I can't be without you, Bella. I tried. And I never want to have to even _think_ about trying again," I swallowed thickly. "I will never forgive myself for causing you that trauma. For breaking your trust in me. But the thing is, you worrying about me leaving you is like...worrying that the sun won't rise.

"It's an impossibility. I _can't_ leave you any more than a wolf could leave the subject of his imprinting. I'm yours, Bella. Now and forever, for as long as you'll have me."

Without warning, Bella threw her leg over my middle and pushed herself up to straddle my hips. She fisted the fabric of my shirt in both hands and pulled me closer to her.

"You're mine, huh?" Bella asked with hooded eyes and a low, throaty voice.

"Truly," I beamed at her. Sitting up against the headboard, I rested my hands on her legs and stroked up and down her thighs through the fabric of her sweats.

Bella put her hands on either side of my face and brought her face very close to mine. "You're pretty sexy when you're being all vulnerable." And then with parted lips, she planted a soft, lingering kiss on my all-too-eager mouth.

My hands skimmed up the sides of her legs until they were curled around the gentle curve of her hips.

"I _love_ feeling your hands on me," Bella growled in my ear. The sound of her voice, low and husky and dripping with sex appeal, made me instantly hard. Until recently, I shied away from letting Bella feel my arousal, but I could tell that at that moment, in this bed, there was simply no room for my antiquated notions.

With a deep groan, I flexed my hips pressing my erection into the apex of her thighs. This elicited a loud gasp from Bella, who threw her head back and pressed herself up against me even harder. Watching her face carefully for any sign of disapproval, my hands slowly slid around to her backside, squeezing her perfectly rounded ass.

Her breath came in pants and she rocked herself against my straining erection. Her blush extended from her cheeks, down her neck where it bloomed across her chest. The sweet scent of her blood mixed with the earthier scent of her arousal was overwhelming. Her petite hands were splayed across my chest, at times gripping my shirt for leverage.

Then her eyes were on mine, and she reached down for the hem of her t-shirt and started to pull it over her head. Her fiery stare dared me to stop her. I didn't.

Her heated skin was peaches and cream. Alabaster fire beneath my cold stone hands. Once again, she took my hands and placed them over her breasts. I could feel the sublime pressure of her nipples hardening against my palms through the thin fabric of her white sports bra. Not wanting to seem overly interested in groping her breasts, my hands retreated to the more neutral territory of her waist.

"I want to try something," I whispered.

"Anything," Bella agreed, it was almost a beg.

"Touch yourself, Bella. I want to watch your face as you cum," I said in a hard whisper. "Do you think you can do that?"

Her mouth was agape, clearly surprised by my suggestion, though she nodded enthusiastically.

Without another word, her hand disappeared into the waistband of her sweatpants and her wrist started making rhythmic circular motions as she continued to unabashedly rock herself against me.

Her eyes were screwed shut and she was biting her lip in the most delicious way. She was the sexiest creature I'd ever seen. Her breath started to come in shorter gasps now, and sometimes she went several seconds at a time without breathing at all.

My mouth set out to explore the creamy expanse of her chest, heaving with her accelerated breath. I placed tiny kisses from one side of her clavicle to the other while pausing to nip and suck at each and every hollow and freckle I came upon.

All the while, her heart galloped away in her chest, barely protected by her twig-like ribs and translucently thin skin. It was all the reminder I needed to keep my hands balled up into fists at my sides, at least for now, until I was sure I could control myself.

Bella started to moan in earnest now, a thin sheen of sweat forming on her forehead.

"That's it, Bella. God, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Don't stop."

A deep groan ripped out of Bella's throat as she rode out her climax. Her lips were in the shape of a small 'o', her head was thrown back, and her eyes were tightly shut. The hand that wasn't between her legs was gripping her breast, pinching her nipple between her thumb and the side of her finger. She was an absolute vision.

As she was coming down from her bliss, I used just my fingertips to lightly graze the silky skin on the backs of her arms, shoulders, and back, exciting the hypersensitive nerve endings there and drawing out her pleasure.

She finally giggled and jerked away from my touch, oversensitive after her release, and sort of wilted back down to the bed by my side, as if all the bones had been removed from her body.

"How was that?" I ruffled her hair with a grin.

"Oh, ya know, not bad," she said in a neutral tone, but her glowing face gave her away. She was radiant, smiling from ear to ear, dewy with perspiration, and her chest was still heaving from the exertion. All that was missing was a cigarette to complete the cliché, I mused with a lighthearted laugh.

"That was the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed, Bella, and I've seen Halley's comet _twice."_

Suddenly, she turned toward me looking concerned. "What about you?" Her eyes glanced down around my groin and started tugging at my clothes. I took her hands in my own, gently but firmly halting her movements.

"Next time," I said simply, with a sincere smile. I certainly wasn't about to tell her about the humiliating sticky mess already inside my pants.

She looked somewhat disappointed but accepted this and snuggled back down into my arms with a contented sigh. It wasn't long before her breathing evened out, and soon she was sound asleep in my arms.

Just then my phone vibrated in my pocket. Jarring Bella as little as possible, I was able to slide it out of my pocket and read the text. It was from Alice. It read:

90/10, followed by the thumbs-up emoji.

I smiled despite myself and tucked my phone back into my pocket. I flipped open Bella's copy of "Go Set a Watchman" that had been sitting on her bedside table and waited for the sleep talking to resume; I just hoped that her dreams would be more peaceful this time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this. Angst, arguments, and makeup sexy times. Does it get any better than that?! (Only on Isle Esme! bwahaha). This was an incredibly self-indulgent chapter because I really think Edward needed to hear some of this, but Bella and SM let him get off waaaay too easy with his stalkerish ways in the books, and Bella reads way too much Jane Austen to put up with it. Thank you for hanging in there with this fic! I really hope you enjoyed this installment and would love to know what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

**BPOV**

"Uuugh," I groaned, throwing a pillow over my head. "Early. Much too early." My complaints were muffled by the pillow.

From much too far away, Edward chuckled at my obvious misery.

The pillow was abruptly removed from my face, replaced by the perfection of Edward's golden eyes and wide smile leaning over me. He was freshly changed and showered.

"You look like you were...what's the expression? Rode hard and put away wet," he cackled at his bawdy joke.

"Doesn't get any more accurate than that," I said in a wry tone, but grinning triumphantly.

I swung the comforter off of me, blushing as I looked down at my sports bra and bare torso. I had never bothered to put my shirt back on last night, and in the bright light of day, and in the absence of the heated desire that coursed through me hours ago, I was suddenly self-conscious. I scrambled to put my shirt back on.

Cold fetters wrapped around my wrists before I could throw the shirt over my head.

"Don't," Edward's velvet voice murmured. "Don't ever feel like you need to hide yourself from me. There isn't one square inch of your body that I don't find utterly alluring."

His topaz eyes drank me in, bedhead and all, like I was a tall glass of water in the middle of the desert. (Or blood, to be more precise.) He released his hold on my wrists.

I smiled shyly and swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I groaned at the soreness in my legs that flared by the movement.

"Are you alright, love?" Concern flashed across his face, and I could feel him surveying my body for possible injuries.

"I'm _fine_ , Edward," I said a little shortly. "I feel like I've been, well...humping a boulder. Nothing a little Tylenol and a hot shower won't cure," I smiled convincingly.

He barked out a laugh, then clamped his lips shut when I scowled at him.

"Sorry love, that must be very uncomfortable. I can help with that, but you'll need to remove your pants," he suggested in an irresistibly silken voice.

"I will?" I squeaked, wondering briefly if I was still dreaming.

He nodded his head, gripping the baggy pants by the fabric at my hips.

"May I?" Edward waited for me to nod before pulling my sweats down around my ankles, leaving me in my bra and cotton panties. He then gave me a light shove so I was sitting back down on the bed. He knelt down in front of me.

"As it turns out," his cool breath washed over my face, "cold is better for muscle soreness than heat."

He cupped his icy palms over the tops of my legs, just above the knees. Ever so slowly, he slid his hands up my thighs applying the perfect amount of pressure to soothe my aching muscles.

A very sultry sounding moan escaped my mouth at the pleasant sensation of his hands gliding over my skin.

"So responsive," Edward's laugh was sinful. "I am going to have _so much fun_ with you on our honeymoon, Bella." It almost sounded like a threat.

His hands reached the juncture where my thighs met my body. On the inside of my thighs, his thumbs were as close as they could get to my core without actually touching.

"Why wait?" I whimpered, desperate for contact.

"Because it's too much fun teasing you," he chuckled again. "And because you're worth the wait." Then his hands were gone.

He started again, but this time he wrapped both of his hands around my left leg, encircling it with his fingers. He worked his way up my leg applying slow, steady pressure. The coolness of his unrelenting hands worked out every kink and knot in their path as I moaned and sighed in relief.

Once again, he came within a millimeter of pressing against where I wanted him most, then he maddeningly started over again on the other leg.

On his third approach, when I was at the point of combustion, he withdrew his hands completely and then, at vampire speed, pulled my sweatpants back up over my legs and hips with a light snap of the waistband.

"Any better?" he asked with a guileless smile.

" _Worse._ Much worse _,"_ I grumbled _._ Edward's shoulders quivered in silent laughter.

"Better get moving, love. Alice's orders. Wouldn't want to anger the pixie." Edward retrieved the towel that I hung up to dry after the previous night's shower and tossed it across my lap.

"Ah yes, cake for breakfast before squeezing me into my wedding dress...whose brilliant idea was that? And why do you have to leave again?" I whined, trudging for the door.

"Because Alice doesn't trust me to stay out of her head when you're trying on your gown," he rolled his eyes.

"Well, you can be sure there will be lemon cake at the wedding. I wouldn't want my mother-in-law to haunt me from the grave!" I shuddered, vividly remembering the way her cat-like eyes pierced through me in my dream, and how small I had felt.

"You are _so_ absurd, my Bella."

"What?" I snorted derisively. "Vampires and werewolves get to be real but ghosts don't? Do you have a pet unicorn I don't know about?" I snickered and closed the door behind me just in time to block a pillow that had been whizzing toward my head.

As I walked down the hall, I could hear Charlie letting himself in the front door.

"Hey Dad, long night?" I called down the stairs to where I could hear him hanging up his keys.

"Yeah, I'm bushed. Didn't expect you to be up so early," he called back.

"Alice wants me over there pronto for some wedding planning stuff. I'll bring you back some cake samples!"

"Sounds good kiddo, have fun. I'm gonna go hit the sack."

"'Night Dad!"

I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, hanging up my towel on the bar and shedding my clothes. I ran the water and relieved myself waiting for the old pipes to heat up.

As the bathroom began to steam up, memories of last night-in reality, just a few hours ago-started to come back to me.

Even with the mirror fogged up, I could see how red my face was. _Holy crow._ I masturbated myself to orgasm while grinding on Edward's...while he _watched!_ Were we finally past the excruciating days of him denying me?

When he rain-checked his own pleasure for 'next time,' I was disappointed of course, but also somehow simultaneously...relieved? I contemplated this as I threw back the shower curtain and stepped under the hot spray.

I had been telling myself for months that I was ready for a more physical love with Edward. I had been tormenting him with my insatiable desires almost nightly.

We'd make out, I'd want more, he'd refuse me- citing my safety, of course- and then I'd wallow in hurt and rejection. But now that I was so close to getting what I wanted, I was just the slightest bit, well, terrified.

I didn't have the faintest idea what to do with a man! Least of all, one that wasn't human! What if I couldn't please him?

Sure, we were both virgins, but he'd had eighty-some-odd years to learn the inner workings of the female mind. He had a fair bit more knowledge to guide him.

Then there was the compatibility of our anatomy to consider. There was nothing about Edward that could be considered small. He was well over six feet tall, with long hands and feet to match. If last night was any indication, _that_ would be no exception. I wondered how it would possibly fit and how much it would hurt.

The pain was just a small part of my anxiety. Something else occurred to me then. Would he even be able to enjoy making love to me being as careful as he would have to be not to hurt me?

It was selfish of me to demand this of him, of that I knew. It wasn't as if I hadn't thought it through. I knew I would regret never getting to experience physical intimacy in my human body.

And if there was anything Edward hated, it was the thought of me having regrets in my next life. That bit of manipulation was the only way I'd managed to get him to agree to try in the first place.

Though if something did go wrong, if I got hurt, Edward would never forgive himself.

Certainly, my regrets would be nothing compared to his, but still, I pushed, as if immortality and an eternity with him weren't enough. I sighed in disgust. My selfishness knew no bounds.

My unbreakable faith in his self-control made it all but impossible to imagine him being anything other than tender and gentle with me.

Meanwhile, the memory of him throwing me violently into a cake table at that worst-of-all birthday parties buzzed around my consciousness like an annoying fly. I swatted it away, though it wouldn't be detracted.

I remembered the cold detachment in Edward's eyes, heard it in his voice in the days following my birthday party when he was gearing up to leave me. But if I really thought about it, he never fully seemed like himself after the episode with James.

He had been planning to leave me all that time, biding his time until my broken body had healed.

Jasper's lapse had just been the final straw. As Edward told it, it had been the sign he needed that gave him the strength to leave me as he did.

Edward ran away from me the first chance he got when my life had been endangered by those outside forces.

What would he be capable of doing if _he_ were the one to cause me harm, however accidentally? My knees wobbled at the thought.

What would be the trigger the next time, I wondered. A fractured pelvis-at my own insistence? Not that he'd see it that way.

My dream flashed before my eyes. If the injury was something worse, something fatal or close to it and he'd been forced to change me...The sterile room. Alice's sad eyes. It all just seemed sooo...plausible. Too plausible.

I let out a shaky sigh and held onto the tile to keep myself upright. I hurriedly shut off the water and threw a towel around myself. Without bothering to dry my hair, I marched back to my room with a pit of anxiety in my stomach.

**EPOV**

Something was wrong. I knew Bella's routines. I knew how long she usually took in the shower and knew the familiar sounds of her getting ready for her day. I also knew that the accelerated rate of her heartbeat and the labored sounds of her breathing were starting to resemble those of a person having a panic attack.

I fought with myself over whether or not to go check on her. Was I really prepared to go barge in on her in the shower? If I startled her and she screamed, her father would hear. Or, more likely, she could slip and fall and I wouldn't be able to catch her without seeing her warm, wet body stark naked.

Fortunately, she made the decision for me when she abruptly shut off the water after scarcely turning it on. Shortly after, I heard her striding purposefully down the hallway toward the bedroom. _Well, this certainly couldn't be good,_ I thought forebodingly.

Her door creaked open. Before she could even set foot through the doorway, I was there at her side.

"Bella! What's wrong?" I demanded at first sight of her anxious face. She was nearly as pale as the white towel she had wrapped herself in. Her soaking wet hair hung limply, stuck to the sides of her face. I watched the small rivulets of water drip down her shoulders, leaving small wet splotches on the carpet at her feet. She looked cold with goosebumps raised all down her arms.

I frowned and darted to the linen closet in the hallway for another towel and was back before she had time to take her next breath. I draped the towel over her head like a bridal veil, and then tucked her hair inside, twisting it into a knot on top of her head like I had seen her do so many times before.

I then took her by the hand and led her over to the bed, where I sat her down and wrapped the quilt around her thin frame.

She said nothing at first, intensifying my own anxiety. I willed myself to be patient as I watched the small bones of her temple pulse as she clenched and unclenched her jaw.

What could have happened in the short time since she had left this room to make her go from flirtatious and teasing to petrified and shaking? If she didn't start talking soon, I was going to lose my mind.

"I have...questions," she said in an oddly detached voice.

"Ask me anything," I urged, anxiety bleeding into my voice.

Another long silence as I watched her formulate what she was going to say next. I furrowed my brow in consternation.

"I was just wondering…" she began, then faltered.

"You were just wondering..." My urgent tone willed her to speak.

"You left because I got hurt. Because you didn't want me to keep getting hurt," she started again.

It was a rather simplistic explanation, but not yet understanding what she was getting at, I didn't interrupt.

"I need to know, need you to promise me that no matter what happens on our honeymoon that you won't leave me."

I could feel the astonishment wash over me.

" _What?_ -I...yes, of course!" I floundered. "I swear to you, Bella, I will never leave you. Now, will you please tell me where your head is?" I beseeched her, desperate to know what I had missed.

"You left because I got hurt," she repeated in a barely recognizable monotone. "And you said there's a chance I might _get_ hurt," she concluded vaguely, though I was beginning to fill in the blanks.

"And you are worried that if I accidentally hurt you on our honeymoon, I would be so fraught with guilt that I would be convinced to leave you a second time," I finished for her.

"Something like that, yes."

I squeezed my eyes shut and exhaled slowly through my nose.

"You're angry," she pointed out in a tremulous voice.

"Furious," I opened my eyes. "At _myself,"_ I amended, my brooding dark eyes boring into her concerned ones. I smoothed out the tiny "v" worried between her brows with the pad of my thumb.

"May I ask what brought on this sudden concern that I'll hurt you? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're finally seeing sense, but before you seemed so sure that I wasn't capable of such a thing," I asked in a gentler voice. Had I hurt her or frightened her in some way last night that she wasn't letting on about?

Her gaze dropped into her lap, but I propped her head back up with a finger under her chin.

"It's not that I'm less sure of that," she explained softly, still shifty-eyed. "I just...if you left-"

I started to cut in, to deny the possibility, but her eyes flashed in a way that insisted I let her finish.

"If you left as a result of something I asked for, no, something I _demanded_ , that would surely kill me."

I thought the pain in her voice would surely kill _me._

"So if that's the case, if there is even the remotest possibility of that, then there's no deal," she shook her head resolutely.

My eyes shot open, dragged down by the weight of my jaw.

"Are you calling off the wedding?" I asked quietly, waiting for her to rip my cold dead heart out of my chest.

"No," she smiled weakly. "I'm just letting you off the hook for that clause in our...eternity pact. I can't always have my cake and eat it, too. Whenever I try, I just ruin everything. So have it your way, Edward. I...can be patient."

"Bella, I…" had no godly idea what to say to that. I should have been elated. Exultant. But all I could feel was the sharp pang of disappointment that here I was taking away yet something else from my self-sacrificing little lamb.

90/10 Alice had said. I would take that bet. It was better odds than she had given me for not killing her in the meadow on our first date. Certainly, nothing could be harder than it was to not kill her myself in the ballet studio, and I already passed that test. It was time to stop betting against myself, especially if it meant erasing that sad, empty look in Bella's eyes. I could do this for her. I _would._

My phone vibrated in my pocket; I ignored it.

I took Bella's hands in my own. "No, Bella, no. I can't let you do that. You never have and never could ruin anything. That's always been _my_ role," I muttered wryly. "I feel a lot more confident going into it, now. All the practice has helped," I cracked half a smile.

"We can try. We _will_ try. I promised you we would, and I won't go back on my word. No matter what happens, we will be together, Bella. I take those marriage vows very seriously. Once you say 'I do,' you're stuck with me. For as long as we both shall live."

"That's a long time," she whispered with a smile.

"A _very_ long time," I agreed, folding her into my arms. I could feel her tension melting away.

"Now, unless there's anything else..." I paused to gauge her reaction, a gentle shake of her head. "Let's go get you some of that cake," I patted her softly on the knee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N** What I love about writing this fic is that sometimes I'll be planning to write something but then the words just pour out of me into something completely different. This chapter, for example, was supposed to be some light fluff..maybe Bella getting frisky with herself in the shower as revenge for Edward teasing her with the sexy massage. But then Bella got to thinking in the shower, and the chapter just took a completely different turn. Bella will definitely get her revenge at some point, but today, she apparently had some more trauma to work out.


	17. Chapter 17

**BPOV**

"So here we have red velvet, chocolate fudge, marble mocha, lemon chiffon, French vanilla sponge, carrot cake, raspberry white chocolate, oh, and funfetti."

The woman in the chef's coat with the name "Susan" embroidered on the front pointed out the various flavors of cake, all artfully arranged on a huge tasting board in front of me.

"Choose five flavors, Bella. Your cake has 5 tiers," Alice informed.

"FIVE? Alice, there will be less than 60 people in attendance!" I said reprovingly.

Alice shrugged with a rueful smile.

I eyed the Stonehenge-sized array of cake slices and wondered who and what army was expected to eat all this.

My sentiments must have been written all over my face because the next comment out of Susan's mouth was, "I wouldn't have brought so much cake if I'd known that the groom was diabetic," she blushed.

"I also have some sugar-free recipes-," Susan flushed, clearly ill at ease around the ethereal non-cake eating Cullens.

"That won't be necessary, Susan," Edward smiled warmly, putting poor Susan out of her misery. "I'm not one for sweets. Whatever Bella says goes," he squeezed my hand under the table.

"Oooh, happy wife, happy life, right? I love it. You've got yourself a keeper there, Bella!"

Susan winked at me while clapping Edward on the shoulder. I could see Edward tense up at the familiar touch despite his easy smile. Susan pulled back her hand, shaking it slightly as if it stung.

"What are you waiting for? Dig in!" Edward said cheerfully. Then Susan, Alice, and Edward all proceeded to stare at me.

"What, so you're all just going to watch me eat?" I blustered.

Edward just laughed and continued to watch me while Susan and Alice made a show of backing off and distracting themselves with their phones.

I gorged myself. They were all so good, I tried them all two or three times just to be sure.

"Alright, so from bottom to top, I've got Funfetti, chocolate fudge, lemon chiffon, marble mocha, and for your top tier, the one that you traditionally share on your first wedding anniversary, you picked red velvet," Susan read off the completed order form.

"Cake lasts for a whole year?" Edward wrinkled his nose looking thoroughly disgusted.

Susan giggled, "It does if you freeze it." Then it was my turn to laugh when Edward didn't look any less disgusted by this explanation.

As Susan packed up her things she thanked us profusely for our business and graciously congratulated Edward and me. Then she made her exit.

I sat at the table feeling stuffed as a Thanksgiving turkey.

"After eating all that, I think you can add me to the list of diabetics in this family." I groaned and laid my head on the table, defeated. Edward chuckled and rubbed my back affectionately.

"Alright lover boy, you, OUT." Alice pointed to the door that exited out to the garage. Her voice left no room for argument.

Edward sighed, standing up from the table. "For how long am I being banished?"

"I'll let you know," Alice chirped.

"Don't go far!" I raised my face up toward the ceiling so that Edward could more easily kiss me goodbye.

"Never!" he promised as he leaned down and planted a loud smacker on my lips. He licked his lips as he pulled away from me. "You taste like pure sugar. Even sweeter than usual," he smirked. "I'm just going to go for a quick hunt, love. I'll have my phone on me."

As soon as the door shut behind Edward, I turned to Alice.

"Let the Vampire Bride edition of 'Say Yes to The Dress' begin!" I snarked. I could hear Edward laughing from somewhere out in the attached garage.

"Goodbye, Edward," Alice said without even bothering to raise her voice. She said it for my benefit. He would have heard her even if she hadn't said a word.

A moment later, the garage door opened and the Volvo could be heard starting up and speeding off down the gravel driveway.

"Now then!" Alice clapped her hands enthusiastically. "Go up to my room and take your clothes off."

Jasper had materialized at her side just as she had finished ordering me to go upstairs and strip.

"Yes, ma'am!" Jasper turned and made for the stairs.

"Not _you_ , Jazzy," Alice caught his arm with a tinkling laugh. "I was talking to Bella."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that," Jasper said in his teasing drawl, giving me a wink.

"I can see Alice is in makeover mode, so I'll stay out of your way before she tries to give me bangs again," he finished in a loud stage whisper.

"Edward just left to hunt at the usual spot. If you leave now, you can catch him," Alice framed the idea as a suggestion as a courtesy. She already knew what he'd do.

"That's probably a good idea what with all humans coming on Saturday," Jasper nodded and gave Alice a parting kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry for the human invasion, Jasper!" I said, my face twisted with regret.

"Don't be. I'm not. I don't think you realize how much easier you've made my life just by making Edward so happy. You're one of the family now. That deserves a celebration!" Jasper's smile made it impossible to doubt his sincerity. I felt him throw a wave of gratitude toward me.

I blushed and ducked my head knowing the fondness I felt for him at that moment spoke louder to him than anything I could have said.

In a very brotherly gesture, he ruffled my hair before taking off on foot to catch up with Edward.

I took one look at Alice and made for the stairs before she felt the urge to pick me up and carry me.

Moments later, I was sheathed in the slippery satin of the bright white gown. Alice made quick work of the tiny white buttons in the back.

I turned around in front of the 3-way mirror to see all my angles. The pale skin of my back was visible through a large lace cutout giving the dress a backless appearance. It was my favorite feature.

I turned back around to see how the dress gracefully hugged my curves in all the right places, flaring out just below my hips. It draped elegantly into a chapel length train pooled around my feet.

"Oh, Alice!" I gasped. "It's perfect. You nailed it!"

She hopped up and down clapping her tiny hands so fast they were a blur of movement.

"I _did,_ didn't I? I'm so glad you like it! The satin is vintage, likely from around the 1920s. I tracked it down from an antiquities dealer in Portland."

"There's just one thing," I scrunched my brow. "Isn't it a bit long?" I asked, looking down at the floor where the gown had swallowed my feet.

Alice's eyes widened, and she disappeared into her walk-in closet and reappeared holding a white shoebox with the name Manolo Blahnik printed simply across on the top.

"I almost forgot!" She beamed. She thrust the box into my arms.

With some trepidation, I unlidded the box to see a pair of spectacular white satin pumps with crystal beaded appliqués sewn across the toe and instep and a death-defying 4" spike heel.

They would've been perfect for somebody who didn't have quite so many disagreements with gravity.

"You won't fall. I promise!" Alice beamed. She snatched them out of the box and ducked down in front of me to slip them on my feet. I kept a hand on her shoulder to keep from falling over.

The dress was perfectly tailored to accommodate the added height of the heels. I didn't dare move in them for fear of falling and damaging the dress.

"Good. Now that you can't run away, I want to talk with you. About honeymoon things."

Alice looked like she was bracing for some kind of outburst on my part.

I felt the breath rush out of me. "Good. I need someone to talk to about honeymoon things," I admitted. "Not just someone. A sister."

Alice's answering smile could have lit a cathedral.

"Can I take this stuff off now? It doesn't need any alterations, right?" I shifted my weight from foot to foot in the acutely uncomfortable high heels.

Alice disappeared behind me and unfastened the buttons in mere seconds. Before I was even aware of what was happening, I was standing there in my underwear while Alice buttoned my gown onto a dressmaker's doll.

She then concealed the doll inside an opaque garment bag and carried it back into her closet while I hurried back into my clothes.

When she had finished storing my dress, Alice gracefully lowered herself onto her white leather couch crossing her legs underneath her and patting the space next to her. I joined her on the couch.

"Let me start off by saying I'm really sorry for the violation of your privacy. Edward has me watching you like a hawk until you've been changed," Alice frowned.

I waved it off. "I understand his anxiety. I'm going to let it slide until I've been changed, but not a day later! My future doesn't need a babysitter!" I huffed.

"You know, you would think that! But frankly, given the insane amount of trouble you've gotten yourself into in the very short amount of time that I've known you, I can't say that I disagree with him. Trouble follows you around like a shadow, Bella," Alice shrugged.

"Gee, thanks," I said sourly.

"If you can't trust your sister to tell you the truth, who can you trust?" She grinned unapologetically.

"Alright so, I saw that you were...having some reservations about consummating your marriage. I can't imagine how it must feel to be taking such a huge step for the first time with someone like Edward and _not_ be able to talk to someone about it because of what we are.

"So I just wanted to lend you an ear, or a shoulder to cry on, or any other body parts you might need. Esme wanted to be here, too, but she worried it would be awkward for you since-"

"She's Edward's mom?" I finished for her.

"Precisely," Alice confirmed. "So what's been going on?"

I opened my mouth to say something but instead asked, "Did Edward put you up to this?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "No way! I'm pretty sure he'd drag me out of the room by my throat right now if he thought I was going to ambush you with a sex talk," Alice laughed lightly.

I shook with laughter at the mental picture.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Alice," I moaned. "It was easy to act like I did when I knew he was just going to push me away. But he's doing a whole lot less pushing these days."

Alice nodded in understanding.

"I know it seems really scary and unknown right now, but when you're partner loves you and trusts you as much as you two love each other, sex is as natural as breathing. It's instinctual. Your body will just know what to do.

"Sure, there might be some awkward moments when you're still learning each other. But it's a really beautiful, fleeting phase in a relationship, so just soak it up.

And get ready, girl, because that boy is going to blow your mind!" she tapped a perfectly manicured finger to her temple and grinned wickedly.

I felt the blood rush to my face. "You've seen it then? Everything...goes ok?" I asked tentatively.

"It gets clearer every day. I'd never forgive myself, and neither would Edward if I spoiled a moment of it for you, so that's all I'll tell you. But I can be reasonably sure that everything is going to be fine," she gave me a reassuring smile and patted my knee.

I nodded, absorbing that.

"There's something else that's bothering you," Alice stated more than asked.

"I just want it to be as good for him as I know he'll make it for me. And I just don't see how it could be when I'm so slow and breakable and clueless!" I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.

"Well, I can tell you right now that you do _not_ need to worry about that! I've never seen anything like the hold that you have on Edward.

"Did you know that he kept a bottle cap in his pocket for _months_ just because it was yours?

He'd _still_ be carrying it around if he hadn't gone all Classic Edward and destroyed it in a fit of self-loathing after you got hurt in Phoenix."

I sighed. "That's my other problem. I'm afraid of what he might do if something does go wrong. Whenever something bad happens to me, Classic Edward has a tendency to overreact," I frowned.

"To be fair, Classic Bella has a tendency to _under_ react whenever bad things happen to you. But yes, I see your point.

"I also know my brother better than just about anyone. I can't promise you that he wouldn't hijack a helicopter to get you to a hospital if you needed medical care. But I _can_ promise you that he'll never leave again, Bella.

"For one thing, because the rest of us told him we wouldn't allow it. For another, because he's seen the damage it's done to both of you and our entire family. He never would have left in the first place if he hadn't thought you'd be better off for it. He knows better now."

I nodded again. It was nothing I hadn't heard before. Though, for some reason, coming from Alice it was easier to believe.

"Ok so you're worried that you won't know what to do, that you won't please him, and of Edward's reaction if it doesn't go smoothly. What else?" Alice recapped.

"What else is there?" I shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know," she rolled her eyes. "It couldn't be that you're preparing to lose your virginity to a vampire. That wouldn't be scary to anyone _,"_ she muttered with a sarcastic edge to her voice.

"A vampire that would rather die than hurt me, yet I'm the one insisting he takes the chance anyway. Which one of us is the monster?" I said morosely.

**EPOV**

 _Don't attack, it's just me._ I heard Jasper's mind before I heard the patter of his footfalls approaching me from behind.

I rose up out of my hunting crouch and waited for him to find me.

Had he been sent because Bella couldn't reach me? Anxiously, I checked my phone for missed calls. There were none and I still had a signal. I exhaled and slipped the phone back into my pocket.

 _You worry too much_ thought the owner of the voice who was now standing right in front of me. Jasper's blond locks, windswept and disheveled from the run, were even more leonine than usual.

"Hope you don't mind my joining you. Alice said you'd gone hunting, and I'm keeping myself topped off in preparation for your big day this weekend." His light golden eyes were proof of his words.

"It's appreciated," I said sincerely.

_So what has you so wound up?_

I sighed heavily.

"Something Bella said this morning. Just when I start to think she is beginning to trust me again, she has a panic attack about me leaving her.

"She worries that if I hurt her on our honeymoon, that I'd be so upset with myself that I'd abandon her again. I don't know what's more upsetting—that she's preparing for the possibility that I'll hurt her. Or that she still thinks I could leave her again," I confided, despair thick in my voice.

Jasper looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Sounds pretty reasonable to me," he said matter of factly.

"What's the worst thing you can imagine?" he asked rhetorically. "Something happening to Bella, right? So you spend every moment trying to safeguard her future because her future is also _your_ future."

"So?" I asked uncomprehendingly.

"SO...why shouldn't she do the same?" Jasper countered.

I gaped at him completely thunderstruck.

"Jeez Ed, you'd think a 100-year old telepathic vampire who's gone to high school dozens of times would have a better mind for the emotional needs of an 18-year old girl." Jasper didn't bother to hide the amusement in his voice.

"Yeah, you'd think!" I replied dryly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always for your thoughtful reviews! It truly blows me away how much amazing feedback this fic has gotten. I LOVE hearing your thoughts and will get right to work on the next one because I'm so friggin excited to eventually put my spin on Isle Esme! 'Til next time!


	18. Chapter 18

**EPOV**

  
  


I laid in the tall grass of our meadow gazing up at the stars that were just starting to twinkle against the clear blue-black sky. My hands were folded comfortably behind my head, and I hadn’t bothered to get dressed yet. 

9,856 blades of grass tickled my bare skin, still sensitive from the release, no, the  _ eruption  _ that was so powerful islands should have formed in its wake. 

I had only ever imagined what Bella would sound like in the heat of passion. And even my very detailed imagination could not have guessed at the effect that the sensuality of her sounds would have on me. I could still hear her whimpering mewls, breathy sighs, and long, low moans echoing in my ears. 

And then she screamed my name-- _ my  _ name. Not in the familiar way I’d heard before from fear or panic, or the desolation she felt after I’d left her, but in abject pleasure and passion.

For all of my heightened senses and mental capacity, the stars over my head could’ve been an illusion as seen by a cartoon character who had just been flattened by an anvil. Though, presently, I felt more like Wile E. Coyote after he’d blown himself up with his own dynamite. 

I only wish I could have seen her face, but consoled myself that I would have that to look forward to on our honeymoon. 

Isle Esme was Esme’s idea, of course. I was initially reluctant to take her somewhere so remote when I would be risking Bella’s life to make love to her while she was still human, per her ridiculous demand--which was just so...so... _ on-brand. _ I sighed in resignation. 

There was just one detail of our honeymoon that I planned to keep from Bella. For my own peace of mind, Carlisle agreed to discreetly, and without Bella ever knowing, accompany us to Brazil. He’d fly on a different airline and would stay in a hotel room on the mainland, just a short boat ride away (or swim, if he needed to be there faster).

There was just no practical way to attempt something so dangerous with my family 7,000 miles away back in Forks. If something went wrong…

Alice said she was 70/30 that everything would go smoothly on the honeymoon. Shortly after the salacious phone call that had just transpired with Bella, I got a text from Alice that said “80/20.”

Nevertheless, I still remember the rage I felt when Alice had suggested that if the worst happened, if I harmed Bella somehow, that I should just change Bella and get it over with. 

_ “It’s what Bella would want,”  _ Alice had urged. I snarled in outrage. As if I could live with myself if her human life were to end because of a slip on my part. On our  _ honeymoon,  _ no less. 

Carlisle’s presence was a contingency plan in case something went wrong. He’d either be able to save her human life or...stand by and make sure I didn’t kill her if there was nothing else that could be done, assuming I didn’t kill her outright, I thought grimly. 

I launched myself to my feet in one smooth motion. I hurriedly pulled my jeans up over my hips and threw my sweater over my head. Once my sneakers were in place, I took off for the house. I wasn’t sure how long Bella’s dinner party would take, but I needed to get cleaned up before she called me to come over. 

I had decided to call Bella from the meadow because, while my family had had decades to get used to the idea of being overheard during amorous moments, I had not. And while I wasn’t shy about it, per se, I didn’t want to share the experience with anyone either. Least of all, Emmett. 

Not trying to draw attention to myself, I leaped up to my bedroom window instead of walking through the front door. But of course, there was no use in trying to fool Alice who was sprawled out on my couch. 

“Pleasant evening, brother?” she greeted me with a grin that stretched from ear to ear. 

I closed my eyes and exhaled loudly through my nose. 

“Quite,” I said curtly, snapping the ‘t’. “But as you undoubtedly already know, I need to go shower before I head over to Bella’s.” I flew over to my closet, but Alice was already there with a neat pile of clothing in her outstretched hands. 

I accepted them with a nod of gratitude. 

“You can stop scowling at me, now,” Alice stated derisively. “I promise I didn’t peek, but sometimes things slip through. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it! Your honeymoon looks a lot clearer now, see?”

Alice showed me visions of Bella perched on my back, smiling beatifically as we jumped off a cliff into a lagoon of crystal clear water, then another scene of Bella snorkeling. The last vision was of Bella sitting in the wreckage of a decimated bed frame, feathers in her hair, looking bewildered but otherwise unharmed.

I wondered what caused the expression on her face, but took heart that it really did seem as if this foolhardy experiment might work out after all. I let out a chestful of air that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. 

“Thank you, Alice. Truly.” The corners of my mouth turned up into an apologetic smile. 

“You can thank me after you see what I’ve packed for Bella for the island!” Alice rubbed her palms together mischievously, a devilish smile lighting up her face. 

  
  
  


**BPOV**

  
  


As happy as I was for the chance to get to know Sue Clearwater better (and to see the smitten way in which Charlie fussed over her) it was difficult to think about anything other than what had just transpired with Edward., I was relieved when the dishes were finally cleared from the table. 

After wishing Sue a good night, I excused myself to go take the dishes to the kitchen as an excuse to give Charlie some time alone with her before she had to leave. 

I was daydreaming about cold fingers, butterscotch eyes, and a velvety deep voice when Charlie plucked a sudsy plate out of my hands. “I hope you don’t think I’m going to let you do the dishes after you spent all day cooking,” Charlie scolded. 

“Not  _ all  _ day,” I blushed, untying my apron, thankfully having an easier time of it than I did earlier this afternoon. 

“Thanks again, Bella. It was really great of you to plan this. You know how much I love your pot roast. Sue wants your recipe. She was raving about what a great kid you are. You made your old man proud.” 

Charlie’s eyes were shiny and his face was flushed--a byproduct of the two glasses of merlot he had at dinner, and the feeling that loomed over both of us that our time together was drawing to a close. But there was something else in his eyes that wasn’t just paternal affection. 

Charlie was in love. It warmed me to see, and I fervently hoped that his feelings were returned. I would have to enlist Edward to do some mental espionage to find out for sure. But from what I could see of their body language at dinner, Charlie’s bachelor days were numbered. 

“Aww thanks, Dad. It was Grandma Swan’s recipe. I’ll write it down for Sue. I found it in Grandma’s old recipe book that you keep in the hutch,” I shrugged, a bit embarrassed by the praise. 

Charlie’s breath escaped him with a whoosh. “You made my  _ mother’s _ pot roast for my girl--” he asked with astonishment, cutting himself off before he could finish the word. 

Uncharacteristically, he pulled me into a fierce hug, momentarily stunning me. We weren’t the hugging type, but I returned his embrace, patting him somewhat awkwardly on the back. I felt him kiss the top of my head before his arms receded to his side and he loudly cleared his throat. 

“Get outta here, kid. I’ll clean up. I’m sure Edward must be missing you tonight,” he nudged me toward the door. 

“Thanks, Dad. I’m gonna go upstairs and call him,” I said over my shoulder as I pushed open the swinging kitchen door. And then I was bolting up the stairs, phone in hand. 

I paced my room, unsure of what I wanted to do. The plan was originally for Edward to sneak in as he did every other night. But this was not every other night, certainly not after the step we had taken this afternoon on the phone. And I doubted very much that any more steps would be taken with Charlie downstairs watching reruns of NCIS. 

I quickly pulled a brush through my hair, slipped on Edward’s favorite blue blouse over my head and ran back down the stairs, poking my head into the living room. 

“Ch--Dad, I’m going out with Edward for a bit. I’ll be home by midnight,” I announced to the back of his head, visible over the top of his recliner. He didn’t turn to look at me when he gave his standard parting line, ”Ok, Bells. Have fun. Be safe!”

I grabbed my keys and jacket off the hook and let myself out. From inside the cab of my truck, I sent Edward a quick message letting him know I was on my way to him. 

Three dots appeared, then vanished. I smirked. I must’ve caught him by surprise.

A moment later the dots returned and my phone pinged in receipt of a new message.

_ What a pleasant surprise! Everything alright? _

I typed back,  _ Couldn’t be better! Just wanted some fresh air. :) _

His reply was instant.  _ I’ll be waiting. Drive safely, love. _

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and started up my truck. It roared to life with less protest than usual thanks to the recent oil change, and I embarked on the familiar trek to the Cullen house. 

When I neared the long, hidden driveway that I almost always drove right past in broad daylight, I slowed way down so that I could find it in the dark. That was when I noticed the small, unobtrusive red road reflector that had been recently attached to the trunk of one of the Hemlock trees lining the right side of the driveway. It was glinting in the beam of my headlights. 

The Cullens did their best to stay hidden and unnoticed in everything that they did, but I knew instinctively that the road marker had been put there to help me find my way. My heart swelled at the gesture. 

As I puttered up the long and winding driveway, I could see a figure, still as a statue, sitting on the front porch. It was Edward, of course. He jumped to his feet as soon as my truck broke through the trees. 

As I pulled to a stop in front of him, I leaned across to the passenger side and in a slow and jerky motion, manually rolled down the window. It took a solid two minutes for the creaking window to sink fully inside the rusted passenger door. 

For Edward, two minutes might as well have been twenty and he looked as if he was trying very hard not to laugh at the decrepitness of my truck. I ignored this. 

“Hey, good lookin'! Need a date?” I crowed lasciviously. He cracked my favorite crooked smile and slipped wordlessly into the passenger seat. 

“Well this is different,” Edward remarked in a neutral tone, still smiling. “Where to?”

“I haven’t quite figured that part out yet. I just wanted to be alone with you,” I said somewhat sheepishly. Edward looked positively delighted. With a crunch of gravel, I looped around the roundabout and headed back down the driveway toward the road.

“I know the feeling,” he murmured, squeezing my hand that was resting on the bench seat in between us. “Meadow?”

“At night? Is that safe?” I blurted unthinkingly. When Edward didn’t immediately respond, I gave him a sideways glance. His lips were pinched like he was biting back laughter. 

“What do you suppose is lurking in those woods that is more dangerous than your vampire betrothed?” the corner of Edward’s mouth curled up in an amused smirk. 

“You tell me, Mr. ‘I’m not the most dangerous thing out there,’ I sourly quoted him. 

Edward’s expression turned dark. “At the time I had been referring to other nomadic vampires who sometimes travel through the area. I guess you know about that already,” he said acidly, his eyes glancing toward the steering wheel, at the crescent-shaped scar on the heel of my hand. I self-consciously tugged at the sleeves of my jacket. 

“Well then I guess it’s a good thing I’m not alone,” I said, reaching across the seat for his hand. 

“A fat lot of good that did you last time,” Edward grumbled. 

My eyes narrowed at his tone. This was going all wrong. Time to hit the reset button. 

“Soo..when do we get to talk about how you made me cum over the phone and how hot that was?” I asked with put-on nonchalance. 

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from smiling when, completely staggered by my audacity, his jaw flew open.

“I...er...Right now, it would seem,” Edward floundered. 

The truck lurched to a stop as I reached the end of the road where the woods began. 

Before I could even reach for my seatbelt, Edward was there wrenching my door open and offering me his back to climb up onto for the run through the woods. I stood up on the door jam of the truck, secured my arms around his neck, and with a practiced little hop, wrapped my legs around his hips.

I was wearing a form-fitting knee-length khaki skirt, so when he caught me under my bare thighs with his wide, cool palms, I gasped at the sensation. Edward gasped too, but I guessed it was more in response to the feeling of my body pressing against his without the usual bulky barrier of my denim jeans in between us. 

Once I was firmly affixed to his back, Edward turned around and reached inside the truck for a faded red plaid blanket that I kept for such occasions. He tucked it under his arm, kicked the door shut, and turned his head toward me to ask if I was ready.

I steeled my grip around his neck, and because I’m a bit of a brat, gave a little bounce with my hips that resulted in my thinly-covered crotch coming in even closer contact with the muscled granite of his back. 

“Giddy-up!” I giggled.

“ _ Giddy-up? _ ” He growled in the playful tone that sent a flash of heat straight to my core. “You  _ really  _ shouldn’t have said that,” he warned ominously. And then without any further warning, we were shooting through trees as if shot out of a cannon. 

In the darkness, and under the thick cover of towering evergreens, I couldn’t see a blessed thing. We may as well have been traveling through space and time. 

I melded myself to his body, so graceful and fluid in its movements that when he ran, I was barely jostled. Unable to see, I could have just as easily believed that he was standing still on a moving sidewalk at the airport. 

Only the cool, damp night air of the Olympic National Forest whipping through my hair and the G-forces pulling against my face tipped me off to his blinding speed. 

Edward had once told me a story about how Emmett, looking to make one of his famous wagers, acquired a radar gun to see once and for all who was the faster runner between him and Jasper.

‘Couldn’t they just race?’ I had asked. Edward chuckled and had explained that, sure, they  _ could _ race, but that they didn’t seem capable of not cheating. Jasper was lither and had his extra ability to make Emmett easily distracted, while Emmett had his insurmountable strength and used it to supercharge his strides. In that regard, they were very closely matched. 

Much to Emmett’s dismay, with the radar gun they were able to ascertain that Jasper was in fact the faster runner, but he didn’t come close to Edward’s blistering speeds of well over 300 miles per hour. No wonder Edward hated my driving, I mused. To him, it must’ve felt like crawling.

As the moonlight began to filter through the thinning tops of the trees, Edward slowed as he approached the opening to our meadow and came to a smooth stop once we were standing under the brilliant canopy of stars. In the absence of city lights, they were almost as bright as I remember them being in Phoenix. 

Edward released his hold on my thighs, and I unclasped my grip from around his neck. The next thing I knew, I was falling gracelessly to the ground where I fell on my backside with a plop. 

Edward exploded with laughter. “You know, that will never stop being funny,” he said still laughing, and helped me to my feet. 

“Some noble steed you are!” I said with a hard-edged laugh, brushing the dirt off my bottom. In spite of myself, I couldn’t help but smile at the mirthful expression on his face. This seemed to remind him of something. 

“As I said, you really shouldn’t have said that,” he repeated with a growl. Before I could form a reply, he launched himself at me, sweeping me off my feet in the iron cage of his arms where we landed several yards away with me on top of him, sitting astride his hips on a blanket of clover. 

My heart thundered, and I gulped in enough oxygen to replace the wind that had been knocked out of me. My hands were planted on his chest to steady myself, and his hands were resting on my hips. 

Our eyes met, and in an instant, his expression morphed from jocular to smoldering. As if by their own accord, my hips ground into his in pursuit of contact and friction. Edward let out a low moan, and his hands clamped down on my hips holding me motionless against him. 

“For someone who doesn’t care much for being compared to a horse, you sure like being ridden,” I purred wantonly.

“Oh my Bella,” Edward’s eyes blazed up at me, wild with need. “If you only knew what it does to me to see you like this, so sensual and uninhibited with the moonlight shining in your hair. You are the most tempting creature I’ve ever encountered...You’ll have to let my succubus friends copy your notes,” he chuckled, then released his hold on my hips so he could prop himself up on his elbows. 

I took his face in my hands and lowered my lips to his. It was a soft kiss at first but then deepened to something more. My mouth opened to him, letting his sweet breath wash over me. I sucked ( _ very)  _ carefully on his lower lip and he moaned at the contact. The sound of it set me aflame with desire, and I kissed him even more eagerly. 

He kissed me back just as eagerly, but soon enough, his eagerness waned into cautiousness. He placed three last soft kisses on my lips, nose, and forehead before he lifted me off of him and set me on the ground at his side. 

Abruptly, Edward was on his feet. Before I had time to ask what he was doing, he had run to the far side of the meadow and was back at my side, now holding the blanket. He shook it off before draping it over my shoulders, then settled cross-legged onto the ground. Though, now he was facing me. 

“Now then. I thought you wanted to  _ talk _ ?” His face was shrouded in shadow, but I could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Talking is overrated,” I grumbled, 

“Fine,  _ I’ll  _ talk,” Edward exhaled loudly through his nose. “Bella, I don’t have the words to describe just how incredibly turned on I was by our phone call this afternoon. It was something I’ve wanted to try for a while now, but it was so much more than anything I could have ever fantasized about. You have made me the luckiest man in existence. Thank you for sharing that with me. 

“You have to know, though,” Edward continued, “that I’m probably going to struggle a bit with using coarse language, especially with you. In the time I grew up, speaking that way in the presence of a lady was a grave offense. You can tell me not to worry about offending you, but I’m afraid it’s a bit ingrained,” Edward ducked his head ruefully. 

“I love that you’re such a gentleman. That’s what makes it so unbelievably hot when you say dirty things.”

“You liked that?” Edward suddenly sounded intensely curious.

I got the sense that if he thought it was appropriate, he’d pepper me with hundreds of questions about my sexual preferences in the same manner that he asked for all the minute details about every other aspect of my life when we first started dating. 

I snorted. “I think I made that pretty obvious!... It was like talking to the romance novel version of you, the version I thought only existed in my head,” I shrugged. 

His eyebrows shot up at this admission and the corners of his mouth turned down into a slight frown. 

“Maybe I’ve done, perhaps,  _ too  _ good a job of keeping things PG if you think that that side of me is only a fantasy, love. Trust me when I say that the  _ only  _ thing I want more than to please you is to keep you safe.” Edward collected my hands in his own and kissed the skin stretched tautly over my knuckles. 

“You do. And you will, on all counts,” I said without a moment’s hesitation. 

I smiled and laughed lightly at a silly idea that just occurred to me. 

“What are you thinking?” He asked in a hushed tone. 

“Just that...after I’m turned, and I’m stronger than you, maybe _ I’ll _ have to be the one to insist on keeping things PG for a while. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt after all,” I teased with a mischievous glint in my eyes. 

He exhaled sharply. “Hurt me, Bella. Break me. Just don’t ever keep yourself from me. That’s the one thing I couldn’t bear.” 

Though my words had only been in jest, his were urgent and earnest. As if I could deny him anything, especially  _ that.  _ I held his hands tightly and then used them as leverage to pull myself up to stand. He looked up at me with questioning eyes. 

I took a step closer to him so that I was standing to his left. Then I crossed my left leg over both of his. I was standing over him now, with a wide stance straddling his crossed legs. I looked down at his upturned face and ran my fingers through his perfectly unkempt bronze hair. 

He was watching me with a look of such wonder, such reverence. I’d seen the same expression of worship on the faces of the people who knelt before statues of saints and angels.

My fingers traveled from his hair down his temple to trace the shell of his ear, then settled on the side of his face. He turned his face to kiss my palm, then tucked his chin down towards his chest. Head bowed, he leaned forward pressing his forehead against my lower abdomen, and reached around to hug my legs. 

I gently scratched at the skin at the nape of his neck, running my fingernails through the shorter, baby soft hairs there until he looked back up at me a moment later. Holding his shoulders to steady myself, I slowly lowered myself until I was sitting in his lap, facing him with my feet planted on the ground on either side of his hips. 

“You said that hearing me was better than anything you could have fantasized about,” I mused, remembering a question that I had thought to ask him earlier

“That’s not a question,” Edward probed. 

“Well, I was just wondering what else you fantasized about?” I smiled shyly. 

“A better question would be, what  _ don’t  _ I fantasize about?” he chuckled. “At night, when I’m holding your warm little body in your tiny bed and you say my name or you press yourself against me…” He made a rumbling sound in the back of his throat that was equal parts excitement and frustration. 

“It’s hard enough to control my thoughts when you’re sleeping. When you’re  _ awake…, _ ” he shook his head, exhaling loudly with exasperation. “I know you think that it’s so easy for me to refuse you, but when you start kissing me and your hands start to wander, the only way I’m able to stop myself from completely ravaging you is by imagining that you’re pleading with me to kill you rather than make love to you.”

Now it was my turn to look shocked. 

“You  _ what?”  _ I gasped appalled. 

“Well, you kind of  _ are _ , Bella. Please, grasp that. What you are asking me to do has a non-zero percent chance that I kill you or hurt you very badly. Even Alice can’t deny that.” Edward’s eyes were laden with grief. I took his face in my hands. 

“Edward, every day that I get out of bed and go about my life there is a non-zero percent chance that I will die or hurt  _ myself  _ very badly,” Edward flinched but didn’t disagree. “It’s my curse. And before you get all anxious, just remember, all we agreed to do was try. Just try.” 

Another silly thought crossed my mind and I snickered. 

“What could  _ possibly  _ be funny?” Edward asked flatly. 

“Do nerves affect a vampire’s ability to perform like they do in humans? Because I’m imagining you being so nervous that you have..er..technical difficulties.” I slapped a hand over my mouth to keep from giggling. 

“Are you really asking me if vampires get erectile dysfunction? I think it might be time for the human to get some sleep. You are clearly delirious,” Edward’s voice was flat, but his eyes were amused. 

“Nooo,” I protested, “I’m not ready to go home! I’m not done begging you to kill me yet.” And I wasn’t. 

Edward blanched and opened his mouth to scold me for my macabre joke, but I quickly closed the distance between us and kissed him before he could speak the words. I folded my arms around his neck, attacking his mouth with my own, and brazenly rocked my hips against his. Edward groaned into my mouth and his stone hands tightened around my hips, effectively immobilizing my gyrations. 

I waited for him to rebuff me, but instead, in a very slow and measured movement, he rolled his hips against my core. I gasped at the intimate contact. He made it very apparent that there was absolutely nothing  _ dysfunctional  _ about him. 

My breath came out in a ragged whimper. “Please, Edward. Don’t stop. I need this. I need you,” I panted, grinding against him with abandon. My hands explored the impeccably defined musculature of his shoulders. I could feel his whole body tensed beneath mine, coiled like a spring ready to explode with unspent energy. 

“Anything, Bella. Tell me what you need, but please don’t beg. I can’t take it,” Edward pleaded with a sob in his voice.

“Touch me. Touch me anywhere. I need to feel you,” I breathed huskily into his ear as he kissed down the column of my neck. I placed my hands over his and guided them up over my torso until, with some initial hesitation on his part, they were resting on my breasts. I squeezed his hands, encouraging him.

“You are utter perfection, Isabella Swan,” Edward murmured. “You feel like heaven in my hands.” And then he was grasping me tightly, so tightly like it would kill him to let go of me. His face was buried in my neck, breathing me in. Just as suddenly, his hands were gone, then he sighed. I knew that that would be the end of our boundary-pushing for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you my lovely readers for bearing with me on this chapter. I’m not super thrilled with how I ended it, but I just wanted to get it posted before I picked at it for another week lol. If you’re American like me, you’re probably getting an ulcer watching this incredibly stressful election. Hopefully, this provides a welcome distraction. Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read my fic, and I always love hearing what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

**EPOV**

After polishing off a small herd of elk and later getting alerted that I was allowed to come home, Jasper and I returned to my Volvo.

I hadn't needed to bring the car, of course. Though on the rare occasion that I ran into a park ranger or someone of that ilk, it looked a little suspect for a 17-year-old kid to be in the middle of the wilderness without any means of leaving.

Jasper broke the comfortable silence on the drive back.

"Are you really not going to ask me _anything_ in regards to your upcoming honeymoon, especially with the golden opportunity of Emmett not being around to talk shit? As your big brother, I gotta say I'm a little hurt," he razzed.

"I hadn't planned on it, but it sure sounds like you're dying to impart some wisdom," I replied dryly.

"So what's your plan?" Jasper turned his body in his seat to look at me more directly.

"Um, make love to my wife and try not to kill her. That's the plan," I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and kept my eyes on the road.

"You gotta have a plan, man! Make a plan, work the plan." He smacked the back of his hand into the palm of the other. "In that order." After I said nothing, he continued.

"It's going to need to be someplace warm if she's going to be in close contact with you. You're going to need something you can hold onto that can withstand some abuse. You might want to ply her with some wine to get her to relax-"

"I'm not going to take advantage of her in a chemically-altered state!" I spat, offended by the very idea.

"Calm down, I would never suggest that. But if she's nervous, and you _know_ she's going to be nervous, it might be more painful for her if she's all tensed up. There's a reason why the humans call alcohol 'liquid courage.'"

As much as I loathed the idea of Bella being anything but completely clear-headed when we first made love, I conceded that Jasper might've had a point.

Though vampires could never become physically ill, the idea of causing Bella pain made me as close to it as I'd ever get.

"I can't hurt her, Jazz. And I have no idea how not to," I admitted with a groan.

"That's sort of inevitable, at least for the first time, but that would be true even if you were human. And of course, I'm sure you've taken into account that there could be blood," he pointed out the obvious. I gave him an irritated sideways glance.

"But ya know, at least she'll have the benefit of having a husband with an ice pack for a-"

I turned up the volume on my stereo before his crassness could upset me.

"Emmett wasn't here so you thought you'd supply the vulgarity?" I snorted derisively.

"Someone had to," he snickered.

***

"Did you have a nice evening with Charlie?" I asked, trying for the third time to make conversation with a very abstracted Bella.

She was in her nightclothes standing in front of her dresser brushing her hair. Her reflection in the mirror was facing me as I laid on her bed behind her. She had a blank expression on her face, and her eyes looked far away.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. It was nice," she replied absently.

"You're awfully quiet tonight," I noted, beating back the anxiety I was starting to feel that I had done something wrong.

She made eye contact with me in the mirror then.

"To be honest, I'm just kind of tired of talking," she said quietly, with a small smile.

I momentarily wondered what might have passed between Bella and my meddling sister to put her in such a melancholic mood.

In an instant, I was standing close behind her. I wrapped my arms tightly around her middle and rested my chin on her shoulder, unable to help myself from pressing a soft kiss to the smooth, fragrant column of her throat.

"If you don't want to talk, what _do_ you want to do?" I murmured into the sensitive spot below her ear making her shiver and giggle.

As my breath swept across her warm, rosy skin, I was mesmerized by the goosebumps I could see rising to the surface. I looked up to watch our reflection in the mirror and her eyes were already there waiting for me.

"I love you," she sighed happily, snuggling deeper into my embrace. "I'm so tired of talking and feeling worried and afraid. I just want this, right here with you. I never get enough of it."

Her words soothed like a balm. "I'll never get enough of you, even if we live a thousand years," I uttered, effortlessly picking her up into my arms and carrying her to the bed. I gently laid her down, and then curled my body around hers, tucking her head under my chin.

We laid there like that for a long time not saying anything. All that could be heard in her cozy little room was the rhythmic sounds of our breathing, the slow and steady beat of her heart, and the sound of my hand lazily gliding up and down her arm, her back, and tracing patterns on the back of her hand.

I was usually so preoccupied with wondering about her silent thoughts that I rarely took advantage of the quiet moments that I could have with her and her alone. However, this time, with the warmth of her body pressed against mine, I sank into the silence letting it engulf me like quicksand.

**BPOV**

It would have been so easy to lose myself in my thoughts while Edward held me like that. It would have been easy to worry about the wedding or the honeymoon, or the million what-ifs that kept me awake in my bed most nights. But the tranquility of the moment pulled me under like anesthesia.

All I was able to think about was the feather-light feel of his hands on my skin, his stone solid form molded to the back of my body like granite memory foam, and the cool spot on my scalp where he breathed into my hair.

What could have been hours or days later, I became vaguely aware of the fact that Edward was probably waiting for me to break the silence. Or maybe he thought I was asleep.

I started to stir a little and felt his arms loosen fractionally in their hold.

I rolled over and rested my head on his chest, draping my arm over his lean torso. He smoothed my hair in long, soothing strokes.

In this position, I could smell his woodsy, clean scent. He smelled like fresh rain, pine needles, and expensive soap. It was intoxicating.

' _Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell.'_

He called them his snares, and they were the very things I couldn't live without. Logic would follow that if they were indeed snares, he would be less alluring to me when I was no longer prey.

On the contrary, I had no doubt that he would only be _more_ beautiful to me once I could see him properly through a newer, more powerful set of eyes.

As I laid there in Edward's arms, I became aware of the faint sensation of his fingers lightly drumming over my skin. I smiled in recognition; he did this sometimes when he was composing in his head. He was playing the piano on the back of my arm.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered in a voice gravelly from disuse.

"I am trying to figure out how to compose a piece that encompasses the beauty and the music that lives in your silence, Isabella Marie Swan."

"If I had a nickel for every time someone wrote me one of those," I teased, characteristically using humor to hide my discomfort in receiving such a compliment.

"What are _you_ thinking?" he asked, giving me a light squeeze.

"Bet you've been waiting a while to ask that!" I ribbed.

"You have _no_ idea," he tossed his head back in quiet laughter. "It was an exercise in self-control."

"Ha! That should be written on my tombstone: 'Bella Swan, a beloved exercise in self-control,' I snickered at my macabre joke.

He growled at that. "If you don't mind, I'd rather not ever have to think about what should be written on your tombstone," he glowered at me. "And you didn't answer my question."

"I was thinking about _after,_ actually, _"_ I admitted. I could feel him stiffen slightly at the mention of my transformation.

"What about it?" He asked, trying too hard to sound casual.

"I was thinking about how breathtakingly gorgeous you'll look when I have better eyes," I smiled. His laughter was deep and sexy as it rumbled out his chest. The sound of it made my insides flutter.

Edward sighed; it was a happy sound. "I can't wait for you to see _yourself,"_ he beamed.

"That's so unfair that you've seen what I'll look like in Alice's mind!" I whined, giving him a playful shove that didn't budge him an inch, but the intent was clear. His smile widened and his arm around me tightened.

Tucking a loose tendril of hair behind my ear, he murmured in a hushed, reverent tone, "I didn't think it was possible for you to be even more beautiful than you already are."

Then he was laughing. "If you thought you were popular with the boys in high school, just wait until you see immortal Bella! You're going to give Rosalie a run for her money!" The side of my face that was pressed against his chest vibrated with his mirth.

"I'm sure _that_ will help her warm up to me," I grumbled, knowing what I did about Rosalie's vanity.

"It'll be good for her. She needs to be taken down a peg. Or twelve," Edward mused.

"Edward?" I asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"Bella?" He replied evenly.

"Not tonight, but can we talk about it soon? My changing? It doesn't really feel real to me yet, because I don't know how it will go, or when it will be, or what to expect," I explained.

"I was actually going to ask you if we could go sit down and talk with Carlisle soon. He's been wanting to talk logistics, and I think it's only right that you should be there, too."

Surprised by this request, I propped myself up on an elbow and kissed him hard.

Unprepared for the suddenness of my attack, Edward froze for a brief second before his lips responded in kind.

In between kisses, he asked, "Not that I'm complaining, but, mmm what was that for?"

"Because it's incredibly sexy when you treat me like an equal partner and make plans _with_ me instead of _for_ me," I growled, kissing him again.

He moaned into my mouth, and any sense of control I had over my urges went right out the window like a sneaky vampire boyfriend in the night.

I pulled him tighter to me, holding onto him for dear life as unfathomable desire coursed through me like a drug. I explored the planes of his chest and lower, trailing my fingers over the defined ridges of his abdomen.

Daringly, I toyed with the cold steel of his belt buckle. In a blur of movement, he was hovering over me now holding my hands stretched out above my head.

"My my, aren't we getting adventurous?" Edward purred as he nipped at my neck making me gasp and squirm.

He put my hands together so that he could hold them with just one of his own. Then he blazed a trail of kisses from my neck all the way down my sternum where he gently rested his cheek so he could listen to my heart for a long moment.

"Ahhh," he exhaled as if hearing the answer to some long unanswered question.

Edward released his grip on my wrists and warned me with his eyes to be good.

He placed his hands just under the hemline of my nightshirt and paused. I recognized his hesitance for what it was—he was giving me the chance to stop him, not that I ever would.

I tried my best to convey with my eyes not only my consent but my unbridled enthusiasm.

And in case that wasn't obvious enough, "Yes, Edward, yes!" I whispered, thrusting my body up toward his touch.

When I moaned his name, something in his face changed. He looked down at me, dark eyes ablaze like he wanted to _devour_ me.

His splayed hands roamed over the sensitive skin of my sides. At the broadest point of my bust, his hands curled around my rib cage, his thumbs softly stroking the undersides of my breasts.

When his wandering hands receded back down my writhing body, his long, pianist's fingers nearly encircled the narrowest part of my waist.

He lowered himself to press the gentlest of kisses on my belly button in the space between his thumbs.

Something broke free inside of me when I felt his breath so close to where I needed him most. He must have felt it, too.

A sharp gasp cut through the silence as I laced my fingers into his gorgeous mess of hair and threw my legs around his back.

Edward groaned, and with an honest-to-god whimper, he gently pulled himself free of me.

"Bella, please," his voice was gravelly with his own need. "It means a lot to me that we wait. Just a few more days. But you sure don't make it easy on a guy," he said with a hardened laugh.

I held a pillow over my face and let out a strangled howl at the sexual frustration that was near the point of pain.

" _I_ don't make it easy, he says," I muttered under my breath, shaking my head.

I threw my legs over the side of the bed and stalked toward the door. He was right on my heels, tugging at my elbow until I stopped.

"Where are you going?" Edward demanded with alarm in his voice.

"To go cool off," I huffed, trying to yank my arm free. Edward let go instantly, but I would probably still get a bruise.

"Don't be upset," he pleaded in an anguished voice.

I sighed heavily, feeling my ire start to fade. "I'm not. Or at least I won't be. I'm going to go take another shower."

Edward nodded faintly. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked anxiously, pain evident in his voice.

I glared at him now. "Why would you even ask me that?" I snapped, arms flailing as my irritation returned.

He peaceably held his hands up in front of him like he was trying to calm a velociraptor.

"You're right. That was dumb, I'm sorry. I'm just going to go sit right over there. Take your time, love," he placated in his most soothing voice.

I gave him one last stony look and then turned on my heel to stomp out the door.

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was being dramatic, but I didn't think I could take any more of the teasing and cold showers.

To hell with it, I thought. I'm going to go have a _hot_ shower.

**EPOV**

 _Bravo, Cullen, Bravo. Now you've gone and done it._ I thought despicably as I sat in the rocker in the far corner. I threw my head back against the wooden backrest and knocked it a few extra times for good measure.

I idly wondered what Charlie must think of the steady increase in his water bill over the last few months.

I truly had not set out to make Bella miserable on what started out to be a really special evening, but despite my best efforts, miserable she was.

Bella's movements were more abrupt than normal. The metal curtain rings scraped shrilly against the rod as she tore the shower curtain open. I felt the familiar jolt of the pipes in the walls as the hot water rushed toward the bathroom from the ancient water heater in the garage.

I heard a muted thud as she tossed her clothes on the floor and then stepped under the water with a sigh of relief. The curtain rings screeched once more as she closed the curtain behind her. I tried to distract myself, to give her the privacy she deserved from my prying ears, I really did.

But there was no distraction from the sounds of her soft moans and breathy sighs. I gripped the armrests of the chair so tightly I could feel the wood starting to splinter. I balled up my fists then, not wanting to add property damage to my list of offenses.

She wasn't being loud, certainly not loud enough to draw Charlie out of his slumber, but she certainly knew I'd be able to hear her. Then I heard what sounded like the trajectory of the water changing...like she had moved the showerhead, I thought with an audible groan.

I deserved this, I thought, gritting my teeth. No, more importantly, _she_ deserved this. She deserved the release that her poor excuse of a fiancée was too much of a coward to give her.

Her heart rate was picking up, and her breath sounds became short, uneven, and sporadic.

More sighs. More moans, and now she wasn't trying as hard to be quiet.

What an exquisite form of punishment, I thought to myself while readjusting my uncomfortably tight jeans. My release would come later. I would wait, my own form of punishment for angering the goddess.

Finally, her stilted breathing halted altogether, and with a soft "Oh!" that was nearly drowned out by her thundering heartbeat, she climaxed, slumping against the tile wall to support herself.

"Good girl," I whispered aloud, proud of her for insisting on her pleasure and aching to be the one to give it to her. "Soon," I consoled myself, and thank heaven for that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! Thank you, as always, for sticking with me on this fic, and for all your great feedback! I had a lot of fun with this chapter. I think it might be one of my favorites. Lol, hell hath no fury like a woman with blue balls! I hope you enjoyed it, and I would love to know what you think! 'Til next time!


	20. Chapter 20

**BPOV**

It was finally here, the day before our wedding day. If I was being honest, I was thinking quite a bit more about our honeymoon than the wedding itself. I wondered where we would go. I racked my brain for exotic locales that were known for dreary weather. Russia? Iceland, maybe?

Every time I begged Edward for a hint, he just threw his head back and laughed devilishly. It was such a beautiful sight to see his angelic face so joyful that I started asking him just to see his reaction more than out of genuine curiosity.

I imagined Edward holding me close to him in the steamy, mystical waters of Iceland's Blue Lagoon and sighed dreamily when I thought of him doing that thing to my neck...

After I bit his head off for leaving me hanging the other night, he had been very careful to be even more chaste than he was before we started pushing the boundaries. I let it be, knowing it was an impossible situation until after the wedding.

Nothing short of everything would've satisfied me at this point, and as much as I enjoyed our attempts at "practicing," the teasing had become almost painful. Our wedding night was tomorrow. _Tomorrow!_

I had a feeling that the journey to our honeymoon destination would be a long one, so it was anyone's guess whether we'd try tomorrow, or the next day, but within 48 hours, Edward and I would be married, and we would try to make love. Holy crow!

"Penny for your thoughts?" Edward asked softly from the driver's seat of his Volvo, giving my hand a slight squeeze where it rested on my lap.

I smirked and bit my lip. "I think that might qualify as prostitution."

Edward's eyebrows shot up sky-high at that, and after saying nothing for a moment, he cleared his throat in a nervous-sounding way. He looked like he'd be blushing if he could.

Then he recovered and turned to look at me. His smoldering eyes gazed at me through his long, dark lashes."Then, it's probably a good thing I can't hear your thoughts. If I got into a car wreck, Emmett would never let me hear the end of it," Edward flashed my favorite crooked smile. I nodded in agreement.

Edward made the turn onto the narrow road bordered by alder trees on either side. As usual, he was driving too fast for comfort. With a crunch of gravel, the Volvo jolted to a stop in front of the house.

Before I had time to let myself out of the car, he was there, holding the door open and extending his hand out to me. I took it, and with the slightest twitch of his wrist, I was vaulted into his arms like Morticia Addams being flung into the arms of Gomez as they tangoed.

We were nose to nose now, my feet dangling off the ground. I was supported by his arm around my back. My breath came in ragged spurts from having the wind knocked out of me. His lips were on mine then, kissing me with a fervor that I had never felt before. Then just as quickly, he set me down lightly on my feet. I was just as breathless, but this time for another reason.

I blinked a few times, dazed, and then took a step toward the front door but was stopped by a gentle tug of my hand.

"We're taking a detour. I'm under strict orders not to let you see the inside of the house until the big reveal tomorrow," Edward explained at my quizzical expression.

He held out his hand, which I wordlessly took, and he led me around the house to the northern face of the Cullen home.

Edward scooped me up into his arms. Suddenly, my stomach lurched into my throat as we shot up toward the second-floor balcony, landing with a soft thud.

I took a moment to reorient myself. Looking through the wall-sized window, I could see we were standing outside Carlisle's office. Carlisle himself was sitting in his leather wingback chair. He turned to us and waved us inside with a smile.

Edward slid open the french doors and stepped aside to let me enter first. Carlisle rose to greet us smiling warmly. "Lovely to see you, Bella. It's been quite a busy week around here! Esme is so excited you'd think it was her wedding," Carlisle chuckled affectionately.

I smiled back, feeling the heat rising to my face. "Good to see you, too, Carlisle. I can't wait to see what Esme and Alice have planned. I'm sure it will be magical," I said, meaning it.

I took a seat in one of the chairs facing Carlisle's large, ornately carved desk. Edward pulled the other chair closer to mine and sat down beside me. He took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine, and rested them gently on his lap.

Carlisle took his seat behind the desk.

"Thank you both for coming to see me today. For reasons that I'm sure I don't need to explain, I wanted to talk to you both before you jet off on your honeymoon," he smiled a bit ruefully. "Now, Bella, I assume you're still of the mind that you want to start the transformation process soon?"

"Absolutely," I said firmly, giving Edward's hand a tight squeeze.

"Very well," Carlisle said, all business. "The purpose of today's conversation is to answer any of your questions and to iron out the particulars so that we're all on the same page about how and when your transformation will take place," he paused briefly. "You're the only one of us to ever have a choice in the matter, so I want to honor your wishes as closely as possible.

"That said, I also think it prudent to get this out of the way before you and Edward engage in any, shall we say, risky behavior. Just to be on the safe side," he added with an apologetic smile. I could tell he was trying hard not to embarrass me.

"In case I break you by accident, he means," Edward grimaced.

"Edward, you know I have complete faith in you, but I would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge the risk and didn't prepare Bella accordingly," Carlisle explained patiently.

"Sounds sensible to me," I assented with a small smile.

"It _would,"_ Edward muttered sarcastically under his breath.

I sighed in exasperation, "I don't believe you! I thought we were _finally_ in agreement that it would be better for everyone if I became one of you," I huffed, embarrassed to be squabbling like this in front of Carlisle.

Edward exhaled loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not better for _you,"_ he whispered so softly I couldn't be sure he said it.

"I'm sorry, love. I've just been fighting against this for so long... It goes against the grain to sit here and go along without objection, but I can control myself. Please continue, Carlisle."

"Yes, you _can_ control yourself. That's why we're here," I smiled brightly _,_ squeezing his hand again.

"So then," Carlisle interjected, "Bella, what are your questions and concerns? I'll do my best to answer them as candidly as possible. I apologize if I'm repeating myself, but it would make me feel better if I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you are 100% fully informed before I have any part in the termination of a healthy human life. I guess you could say I'm pro-choice," he chuckled.

"Carlisle, was that a _dad joke?"_ I gaped _._

Both Edward and Carlisle laughed at the surprise in my tone.

"I've been known to make them from time to time," my soon-to-be father-in-law's silky smooth voice rang with amusement. I giggled. It was impossible to feel uncomfortable around Carlisle.

"Okay, so I think I get the gist of the transformation part. Edward bites me, and then I burn for three days." Edward absently rubbed a cool thumb over the scar on the back of my hand. "And when my heart stops beating, I wake up a vampire."

"Yes. Three days, more or less. And just like everything else that's completely unprecedented about your transformation is that you have had the added benefit, for lack of a better word, of experiencing something of what that burning will feel like. You can expect that, but all over your body. For about 72 hours."

I locked down my muscles making every effort not to cringe outwardly, but I couldn't control the sickened expression that twisted my features. Edward wasn't facing me, but I knew he could see my face in Carlisle's thoughts, and he tensed.

"I can handle it," I nodded with more confidence than I felt. "What's three days for an eternity with you?" I asked softly, looking at Edward.

"Though, in theory, we will have time to plan and prepare. So I'm hoping that if we get enough morphine into your body before the venom spreads that your experience won't be as difficult as it was for the rest of us. I hope you don't mind being a guinea pig for science," Carlisle theorized with his characteristic optimism.

"And Edward, I hope you'll forgive me for taking the liberty, but I put together a little emergency kit for you to pack on your honeymoon in the event that you need to administer the morphine yourself."

Carlisle reached into his desk drawer and pulled out what looked like a small black leather case. He unzipped it and showed me the contents. Inside were hermetically-sealed hypodermic syringes and a vial of the powerful narcotic. He zipped the case shut and slid it across the desk to Edward who accepted it with a curt nod.

"So what's your timeline, Bella?" Carlisle inquired.

I had given that a lot of thought as of recently. The selfish part of me, the part that wanted forever to start as soon as possible fantasized about Edward changing me in the heat of passion on our honeymoon. Though, my more practical self knew that I couldn't do that to my parents. I couldn't vanish on my honeymoon never to be seen again.

I reasoned that it would be better if Charlie already thought I was away at school, busy with a new husband in a new town. He would accept the tapering off of my phone calls to be a normal occurrence for a teenager freshly off to college. At least it would buy me some time before I ran out of excuses for not visiting on the holidays.

"I like the Dartmouth plan. I think that would be the least painful to mom and Charlie if I went away to school, and ya know, I got too busy to call and visit. I'd rather be a bad daughter in their eyes than a dead one," I whispered that last part, my voice thick with pain.

Carlisle nodded gravely.

"Really? We're going to Dartmouth?" Edward asked, sounding cheerful for the first time today.

"For a semester," I shrugged. "It's already paid for, right? If I hate it or flunk out, you can change me then," I said with a hard-edged laugh.

Edward gave me a fierce hug. "You're going to love university life," he whispered excitedly in my ear before pulling away.

"New Hampshire then, when the time comes," Carlisle confirmed. "And I'm sorry that I even need to ask this, Edward. But just so that we're all clear, Bella, in the event that you are seriously injured on your honeymoon, do you even want any extraordinary measures to be taken to save your human life? Even if it means a long and painful recovery? Or would you like to be changed right then?"

"IF it comes to that, it sort of uncomplicates things, doesn't it?" I asked wryly, my mouth suddenly very dry. "Change me and I guess we tell my parents I died in an accident. They'll be devastated, but at least it would sort of be the truth."

One look at Edward had me mentally backpedaling. He looked...nauseated. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that he was imagining being the one to tell Charlie that I died on his watch, on our honeymoon when he was supposed to protect me. On second thought, it would probably be better for Charlie to think we _both_ died, I thought grimly.

"There's just one more thing," I said, furrowing my brow and chewing on my lip. I knew what I was going to ask for next would not go over well.

Edward could read me well enough to look concerned. "Anything, Bella, what is it?"

I bit back a laugh. I would've thought he'd learned his lesson from the _last_ time he made me that same promise.

I took a deep, fortifying breath. "Rosalie said that when she was turned, she begged for death," I began. I could tell by his face that Edward was surprised by the direction the conversation had taken.

"If it's the same for me...I don't want Edward there to hear it." I closed my eyes, bracing for his explosion. He did not disappoint.

"WHAT?!" Edward roared, jumping to his feet, ripping his hand out of mine in the process.

"Bella, you can't ask me to do that. No! Absolutely not. No. NO!" Edward shook his head so fast, it was slightly blurred. " _Hell_ no! Over my dead body. And if I haven't made my thoughts on that clear enough in English, let me say it in six other languages: _NON, NEIN, NYET,_ _NÃO_ , _NEE, NIE_!" he lambasted. I could swear I saw the picture frames on the fall rattle with the intensity of his voice.

"You've made your point, Edward, you don't have to be an ass about it," I said testily, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. "Besides, I thought we were going to discuss this _together,_ " I said glaring right back at him.

"And I was with you up until that last point. But you can't ask me to stay away from you when you're burning, Bella. I told you, didn't I? Wild horses couldn't keep me away from you."

A cool hand reached out to cup the side of my face. I stubbornly tried to look away, but his gentle-but-firm hand was having none of it.

"It's sweet and _not at all_ surprising that you would be so self-sacrificing, Bella, but you can't ask me to be your creator and then leave you to burn so that I may spare myself the agony of your pain. It goes against everything I stand for, and I won't do it!" His own arms crossed stubbornly against his chest, mirroring my posture.

"Do you think I could bear your pain any more than you can bear mine? Especially when I'm in that state?" I argued. "I'm asking as much for me as I am for you."

His eyes softened and his fists unclenched slightly.

In a softer voice now, "I can promise you this, Bella, when my venom is coursing through your veins, you won't be thinking about anybody else's pain but your own." Edward's eyes were heavy with grief. "You let me worry about what I can bear," he pleaded, folding my hand back into his.

"Edward has a point, Bella," Carlisle chimed in. "As your creator, it would be Edward's right and more importantly, his responsibility to help you through the transition as best he can." Edward shot his father a grateful look.

I knew Edward would react that way, though I had to try. I just hadn't anticipated Carlisle taking his side. I sighed in concession.

"Okay, okay. Have it your way, you silly, stubborn, masochistic man!" I fumed.

"I think that should wrap things up for today," Carlisle said, trying to diffuse the tension. "I will make the necessary arrangements in New Hampshire. You two go out and enjoy the day. Bella," Carlisle took my hands in both of his, "I will see you tomorrow. I am honored that you have chosen to join our family. I couldn't ask for a better daughter or partner for Edward," he leaned forward and softly kissed my cheek. I smiled and lowered my burning, watery eyes to the pale, spotless carpet.

"Edward, I'll see you tonight. I'll be driving the getaway car," Carlisle smiled in amusement.

Not understanding, I looked up at Edward.

"Emmett is insisting on a bachelor party since I won't be staying with you tonight. It's bad luck if I see you before the wedding and all," Edward explained regretfully.

"Oh right, of course," I said flippantly. "Just make sure you wash off all the stripper glitter when you get home. Wouldn't want any to get on your tux," I replied acidly.

I was pouting. Somehow I hadn't expected my vampire fiancé to observe such ridiculous human superstitions, and I was loath to sleep alone. Not to mention, the idea of buxom exotic dancers with their hands (and god knows what else) all over MY Edward didn't exactly sit well with me, either.

"Silly, beautiful girl," Edward smiled widely and brushed his lips over the back of my hand. "No strippers. Though, I can't guarantee Emmett will keep his clothes on," he laughed. "Just a few mountain lions and maybe a grizzly or two."

"I guess that's alright then," I grumbled, the disappointment not entirely leaving my voice. "See you tomorrow, Carlisle. Thank you for sitting down with us. I feel better now that we're all on the same page," I said sincerely to the always gracious elder Cullen.

"Anytime, Bella. My door is always open. And that includes the balcony!" Carlisle chuckled and gestured to the French doors leading outside.

I had almost forgotten that we had to exit out the back way. I inwardly rolled my eyes at my sister aka my drill sergeant wedding planner.

"Thanks, Carlisle. See you later tonight," Edward said as he followed me through the sliding glass doors.

Edward grabbed me up into his arms and leapt easily over the handrail. I screeched as the ground rushed toward us, but we landed as softly as if I had ridden an elevator to the ground floor. I slowly opened my clenched-shut eyelids and looked up into his dazzling, smirking face.

"You're adorable when you're jealous, by the way," he murmured, pressing his forehead to mine and kissing the tip of my nose. "It's surprisingly enjoyable."

I narrowed my eyes at him, my gorgeous, smug, gravity-defying, show-off of a vampire fiancé. Whatever else happened I could live through, because tomorrow he really would be mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Thank you for your patience with this update. I hope you all have a safe, happy holiday with loved ones around. I am so grateful to all of you for reading and supporting this fic.
> 
> It's one thing for somebody to "like" a post on social media, but the validation I get from all your wonderfully positive feedback on this story (which has grown rather personal to me)...well, it's so, so much more than that, so I thank you from the bottom of my Twihard heart. Stay well, my friends!


	21. Chapter 21

**EPOV**

I had been dreading the conversation with Carlisle for the same reason that Bella was looking forward to it: because it made it all so real.

Despite all my efforts, we were going to sit in a room and calmly discuss the details of how my young, beautiful, vibrant Bella's life was going to come screaming to an end. Literally.

An eternity with her by my side was more than I could dare to dream for. I didn't dare dream about it because as much as I wanted that future for _myself_ , more than I could possibly describe, what sort of monster did it make me to wish this existence on her? The very monster I'd worked so hard to bury so that I might start to resemble a person that was worthy of her.

I had prepared myself for this day or tried to. I sat next to her, dutifully holding her hand. The scene mirrored so many others I'd seen before play out in Carlisle's mind from his centuries of working in hospitals.

In his thoughts, I looked like the thousands of other scared husbands who had sat across his desk over the years putting on a brave face for their dying spouses as they lost their respective battles with cancer or some other terminal illness.

This had felt like a battle I had lost and won all at the same time.

My beautiful Bella was, as usual, stunning in her bravery. She was calm and collected as Carlisle went over the details of her impending death.

Again and again, Carlisle addressed the possibility of my hurting her on our honeymoon. Every time he brought it up, it made me want to put my fist through his desk, as Carlisle well knew. But Bella never so much as batted an eye. I didn't deserve the faith she had me.

I suppressed a growl when she said "we" would tell her parents that she had died if...if the unthinkable happened, if I couldn't control myself when it mattered most. There were no "we's" about it.

It would be me. I would have to destroy Charlie and Renee when I told them that their only child was dead and that it was my fault. No matter what the story was, it would be my fault. Their devastated cries would haunt me for the rest of my existence, and it would be no less than I deserved.

An eternity with Bella would come at a great cost, and I would pay it and be grateful, whatever it was.

And if I thought that conversation couldn't gut me any further than it already had, Bella had the gall to ask that I leave her side as she burned, when she needed me most.

I suppose I deserved that, too. It wasn't as if I had given her a reason to expect any more from me than to abandon her in her time of need like the coward I was.

No, a speeding train couldn't tear me from her side. She would scream and writhe and beg for death, and I would let the flames of her agony consume me, too.

How could she think I would let her suffer that alone when she was willing to give up _everything_ to be with me? It was preposterous, insulting, even, but...I sighed. I earned that, too.

And then I had to laugh because, brave as she was, she was more scared to stand up in front of her nearest and dearest and _marry_ me than she was to face down the end of her human life. I couldn't help but wonder about that.

"How are your feet?" I asked Bella as she sat on the side of her bed rolling on some fuzzy socks to keep the autumnal chill at bay.

"Blistered," Bella grimaced. "Alice has been making me break in my wedding shoes all week."

I knelt down in front of her and took one of her stockinged feet in my hands. I rubbed the arch of her foot carefully with my thumbs.

"Oh, Edward, you don't have to-" and then she broke off with a contented sigh and threw herself backward on the bed. I must've rubbed a particularly good spot because she let out a long, satisfied groan. "God, that feels good."

I bit back a groan of my own. _It's just a foot rub,_ I scolded my all-too-eager body. _Get a hold of yourself._ I picked up her other foot and repeated the action.

"That's not exactly what I meant," I said, trying to sound teasing.

"I know," she smiled, though her eyes were closed, making it hard to place the emotion behind her words.

I was about to push her for more of an explanation when she started talking again.

"I can't wait to be your wife if that's what you're worried about. It's the wedding part I could live without," she said with a wry smile.

"What is making you so anxious? You know Alice would die all over again before she let anything go wrong. And you'd be hard-pressed to find another wedding planner who can see the future," I laughed lightly.

"It's a lot of things. Did you know when I was younger, my mom made me promise I wouldn't get married until I was at least 25?" Bella laughed humorlessly. "It feels like I'm disappointing her, even if she'd never say that. And then having all those people staring at me...gossipping about me," she shook her head regretfully. "I know it's a silly thing to be hung up on when I'll never see any of them again."

"Not silly," I shook my head. Bella had a bad habit of invalidating her own feelings, especially if it meant sparing mine, and I'd be damned if I let her do that now.

"Though, it's curious to me that you seem more bothered by the attention and gossip than the fact that you won't see any of them again," I said gently.

"Because I _am_ more bothered by it," Bella said with a snort. "Jessica, Lauren, _Mike…"_ she wrinkled her nose with distaste. "Who are they to me?

"They are the people I would want to avoid at my high school reunion, assuming someone put a gun to my head and forced me to go to one," she said wryly. "I already know I can live without them because I already have," she said darkly.

I assumed she was referring to the time after I left when she shut down, shutting out everyone in her life. Everyone but Jacob Black, that is.

"I'm scared to leave my parents behind. It will be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I know all they want for me is to be happy. And the only way I can be happy is if I get to spend forever with you, so there's only one way forward, isn't there?" She propped herself up on her elbows and looked at me with a contemplative expression.

I sighed. I spent every moment of the last year looking for another path, any other path that meant we could be together without risking her soul, but Alice's tangled web of futures made it seem all but inevitable.

I was scared beyond belief that someday Bella would come to regret the choice she'd made, but I would never again make the mistake of second-guessing her. All I could do was hope that her transformation made her feelings for me as unbreakable as the rest of her.

"I wish there was another way. Whatever the cost, I would pay it," I muttered pitifully.

She snorted derisively. "So let me get this straight," she said, raising a dubious eyebrow. "You get to be the self-sacrificing one who would let me get all old and die just so that I could live _._ And then you'd kill yourself right away, devastating your entire family, yet, _I'm_ the ridiculous one for-"

I put a finger to her lips. "Yes." Her brow creased in irritation, and she opened her mouth to argue with me again, but I cut her off.

"You _are_ ridiculous if you think for one moment that my existence is worth sacrificing a single day, a single _hour_ of your precious, beautiful life."

"Then you love a ridiculous woman," she said with a look of pure fire and determination.

I cracked a smile. "It would seem I do." I replaced the finger over her parted lips with my own, kissing her with the same fiery determination.

"Mmm," she moaned into my kiss. "Say it again."

"Which part?" I asked, kissing her again.

"I do," she said with a gasp as I pressed my lips into the hollow behind her ear.

Those two small words were my undoing. A low groan escaped my throat, and before I consciously chose to do so, I was hovering above her prone form, careful not to let her feel the brunt of my weight.

"Oh, my Bella. You are my love," I kissed up one side of her throat. "My life," and down the other side. "And tomorrow," I whispered into her parted lips, "you'll be my wife." The word lit me up from the inside. It felt like the power of it would reduce me to ashes at her feet.

I knew it would be a vain attempt, but I would spend the rest of my days trying to be worthy of this most perfect being who not only saw past my inner monster but somehow found a way to love him, too.

Interrupting the moment, Emmett catapulted himself up to Bella's window frame with the force of a wrecking ball. "Alright lovebirds, time's up! Edward, you're comin' with me," he demanded with a mischievous grin.

This only made Bella cling tighter to me. Even though her white-knuckled grasp was no match for me, it took all my strength to unwillingly remove myself from her bed.

I consoled myself with the reminder that the next time I saw her she would be walking down the aisle, marching toward our eternity together. Painful as it was, I would survive the night without her. After all, I'd waited for her for a century, what was a few more hours?

"Sleep well, my love. It will be the last time you ever have to sleep alone," I kissed her one last time, taking my time about it. Emmett cleared his throat impatiently.

"Alright, alright, you can have him," Bella grudgingly released her grip from around my neck.

"Have fun. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be the one in white," she said offhandedly with a smirk.

"Don't worry, Bella, I promise he won't be late," Emmett grinned.

"He better not be!" Bella threatened ominously. In return, Emmett laughed boisterously before jumping back down to the damp grass below. With one last parting glance at my blushing bride, I turned and leapt out the window following Emmett into Carlisle's waiting Mercedes.

**BPOV**

Sleep was elusive that night. I tossed and turned restlessly wondering, worrying, cataloging my regrets-beginning with Jake. By the time my weary eyes had given way to a dreamless sleep, it felt like only moments had passed before Alice was there ripping the covers off me.

"Time to get up, Bella!" her cheery voice shimmered like a bell but held an edge of impatience. I groaned and rolled over.

"It's not like you have anything important to do today!" she grumbled sarcastically. "Christ, look at your eyes."

"Isn't the wedding planner supposed to be nicer to the bride?" I whined, dragging myself out of bed.

"Yeah, well...sisters who work for free don't come with the same guarantees," Alice quipped.

As I threw open my bedroom door about to trudge down the hall to the bathroom, I was stopped by her tiny frame in the doorway blocking my way. She threw her arms around me and gave me a bone-crushing hug.

"Happy wedding day, Bella!" Alice beamed. "You are going to make Edward one happy vampire!" If I could still breathe, I would have laughed. Instead, I returned her embrace and patted her on the back until she loosened her hold.

"Hopefully not just Edward," I smiled down at her warmly.

"Girl, please! You act like he's the only one of us wrapped around your finger. Even _Rosalie_ is in a good mood today."

I gave her a doubtful look.

"Well, she's happier for Edward than she is for you. But she's still happy, so take that as a win!" she smirked. I would indeed. "You go shower. I'll go get Charlie. Esme made a big breakfast for you both at the house, but try not to fill up. That dress doesn't have any room for bloat!"

'Big breakfast' didn't begin to describe it. A banquet would have been more accurate. Spread out on the massive white granite kitchen island was a line of silver platters overflowing with croissants, eggs, bacon, sausage, french toast, fresh fruit, and other various pastries.

Charlie looked at the buffet of food with wide, appreciative eyes. "Hope you're hungry, kid!"

By the time, Charlie had finished his second plate of food, he was completely under Esme's spell. "Jeez," Charlie said, patting his stomach. " I hope I left enough for the rest of your family, Esme. Those boys of yours must eat you out of house and home."

"Bottomless pits!" Esme agreed enthusiastically. "Speak of the devil!" she said, slinging an affectionate arm around Emmett as he bounded into the kitchen.

"Hey Chief Swan, the Huskies game just started if you'd like to come watch while the girls get ready," Emmett offered, clearly on his best behavior.

I smiled at him, grateful for always making my dad so comfortable. He winked at me, before disappearing back into the game room with Charlie in tow.

I nibbled on my bagel, the nerves making it impossible to think of food.

"Bella! Your hair isn't going to do itself!" Alice trilled from somewhere upstairs.

"Coming!" I called back. I brought our dishes to the sink and started to rinse them off.

"Don't you dare!" Esme scolded, and shooed me away from the sink like the gracious hostess she was. "And while I have a moment alone with you, may I have a hug from my newest daughter? I can't tell you how long I've been waiting for this day!" Esme looked near tears if such a thing were possible. Her smile was joyous.

"Oh, Esme, of course!" I exclaimed, starting to get weepy myself. I threw my arms around her and hugged her mightily. It was a huge relief to know that while I'd soon be leaving my own mother behind, the mother I'd be gaining in Esme was every bit as loving and kind, and I daresay a fair bit more maternal.

Esme let go of me but kept hold of both of my hands as she spoke. "Edward isn't the only one who has been waiting a lifetime for you. I knew a special girl would complete our family eventually, and I'm so thrilled it's you!" She hugged me one more time and then sent me upstairs to face the firing squad. I mean glam squad.

"Alright, Alice," I said resignedly as I walked into her bedroom. "Do your worst!" I was brought up short by Rosalie who was sitting in Alice's salon chair.

"Rosalie offered to do your hair," Alice supplied as she wheeled over a rolling cart of small drawers containing her hairstyling supplies and parked it next to the salon chair. Rosalie vacated the chair and motioned for me to sit.

"Wow! That's so nice of you, Rosalie. Thank you!" I blurted out, truly stunned.

"Call me Rose," she said with a clipped tone. "You're family now, and everyone else does."

She picked up a hairbrush and brusquely pulled it through my locks. In the large mirror in front of me, I could see Alice and Rose exchanging a look that I didn't quite understand.

Then Rose's grip on my hair gentled, and she made eye contact with me in the mirror.

"As I've told you before, I have no aversion to you as a sister, Bella. And while I don't agree with the choice you're making...I-I'm happy that you make Edward happy." Then she made a face that halfway resembled a smile. Alice gave her an approving nod.

In the mirror, I watched as the look of shock on my face was replaced by a slow, shy smile. I nervously tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and stuttered out a "thank you."

"Alright, what am I doing here, Alice?" Rose tugged lightly at my hair.

"Low chignon, with a braid wrapped around the back of her head at about mid-crown," Alice answered from somewhere in her closet. Rose nodded and went to work.

Alice then walked out of the closet awkwardly holding the dressmaker's doll. It looked like it should have weighed more than she did, but of course, she hefted it as if it was made of styrofoam.

She set it down in the middle of the room and pulled the large garment bag off the dummy revealing my gown underneath. It looked immaculate, not a wrinkle in sight, but that didn't seem to matter to Alice who carefully wielded the steam wand.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Rose noticeably slowed her bobby-pinning hands to a more human pace as Esme entered the room followed by Renee and Charlie.

"Mom! You're early!" I said to her reflection as she approached me from behind. Rosalie tied off the braid and gave me a final shellacking of hairspray.

"Well, I wasn't going to miss my only daughter getting ready on her wedding day! Oh, and here!" She pulled a small white box out of her purse and handed it to me.

I opened the box to reveal a stunning silver hair comb inlaid with small, sparkling sapphires.

"It's from your dad and me. It's your 'something old' and 'something blue,'" she said proudly.

"The sapphires were taken from one of Grandma Swan's rings. I know she'd want you to have them," Charlie chimed in.

"Mom! Dad! Thank you. It's perfect!" I exclaimed, welling up with tears.

Rosalie reached down over my shoulder and plucked the comb out of the box. I could feel the pointy plastic tines graze lightly against my scalp as she slid it into place.

"Your hair is perfect. She's ready for makeup, Alice," Rosalie called to Alice who had just finished steaming out all the invisible wrinkles from my gown.

"Is that the dress?" My mother gasped, beelining for the mannequin. "What an amazing tribute to Edward's late great grandmother! What a touching thing to do. You know, I didn't think I'd ever met such an old soul as you, Bella, but you certainly met your match in Edward. You raised some great kids, Esme!" Mom gushed, throwing an arm around Alice's shoulders.

"Thank you, Renee, but I had very little to do with how wonderful they turned out to be," Esme said modestly, looking at her shoes.

"Mom, where's Phil?" I asked, suddenly realizing he wasn't with her.

"Oh, he's downstairs watching the game with the guys. He would have come up to say hello, but he couldn't manage the stairs in his cast."

At the mention of the game, Charlie looked longingly toward the door.

"It's okay, Dad, why don't you go join them? Unless you really want to watch Alice put my makeup on," I teased, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Charlie didn't need to be asked twice. He walked over and gave me an awkward side hug before bolting out the door. I laughed when it sounded like he took the stairs two at a time.

"Mom, you must be starving after your trip. There's a ton of food downstairs. Why don't you go make yourself a plate and relax?" I offered. It wasn't as if I didn't want my parents nearby, but I already had enough nerves without them buzzing around.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to impose," Renee said, but I could tell she was only being polite.

Esme heard the put-on politeness as clearly as I had. "I absolutely insist! Let's get you some food, and I'll show you where the ceremony will be."

I smiled at Esme gratefully, and she winked at me as she ushered Renee out of the room. With nothing else left to help with, and needing to get ready herself, Rosalie was the last to excuse herself.

"Look up," Alice instructed as she penciled eyeliner on my lower lids. "Edward really is going to _die_ when he sees you today, and that's not an easy thing to do," Alice said looking positively smug.

"Where is he anyway? Is he here?" I asked anxiously. If Emmett was here, didn't that mean Edward was too?

"When I have to spend all morning with my eyes on you and your dress? Not a chance. I don't get to surprise him often, but today, he'll lay eyes on you the same time everybody else will," Alice proclaimed triumphantly, handing me a tissue to blot my lipstick.

I had given her all kinds of flack for the measures she had taken to keep everything so secretive, but I was suddenly grateful for her foresight. I suddenly couldn't wait to see the look on his face either. It outweighed any other nervous or anxious thought I had.

"Let's do this thing, Alice," I said in a determined whisper.

Alice's face lit up in excitement. "That's my girl! Now let's get you into that dress!"

**EPOV**

"Are you seriously kicking me out of my own house on my wedding day? Don't you think you're being a bit extreme? I swear I won't look!" I'd promised for the umpteenth time as Alice pushed me into the garage and threw the keys to my Volvo with blinding speed straight at my head. I'd caught them without fail, but if I'd been human, there would have been a key fob-shaped hole in my head.

"It's not that I don't trust you, Edward, it's that I can't control what Rose or Esme or Bella's mom will be thinking about today, and I didn't go to all this trouble just for the big reveal to be blown in the 9th inning by a wayward thought!"Alice had explained with exasperation.

"You are certifiable, you know that?" I said with a smile in my tone.

"Certifiably _amazing_ ," Alice qualified. "What you meant to say is 'Thank you greatest of all sisters," she muttered while inspecting the perfectly painted fingernails of her right hand with a raised brow.

"Thank you, Alice, truly. I'm not really sure I believe this is all happening yet, but I know Bella and I never would have made it to see this day without you," my voice was thick with gratitude.

Before I could put thought into action and walk across the garage to hug her, she was already there with her arms thrown around me. I hugged her back, lightly kissing the top of her head.

_Believe it, brother. Your day has finally come, and I'm so honored to be a part of it,_ she said silently. The warmth of her thoughts settled over me like a blanket.

"Now get out of here," she gave me a small shove toward the car, and I obligingly ducked down into the driver's seat.

I started the car and headed out, but I didn't have the faintest idea of where to go. I paused at the end of the driveway trying to think of a destination. I couldn't even think about hunting. I'd glutted myself last night with Carlisle and my brothers.

It was more of a roast than anything else. Emmett and Jasper were merciless with the virgin jokes, even with Carlisle doing his best to maintain civility. We'd all laughed and bonded and they'd all told me, either silently or aloud how happy they were for Bella to be joining the family.

In turn, I'd thanked them all for the roles they played in supporting and protecting my very unlikely relationship with the incredibly fragile, sometimes volatile, _always_ accident-prone human girl.

This brought about another round of guilt from Jasper, who had apologized yet again for his lapse of control at Bella's birthday party last fall. I reassured him that, of course, all was forgiven. I was the very last person who could blame him for his reaction to her blood. After all, I'd come close to killing her more times than I cared to remember.

To ease his anxiety, I'd made a joke about how we'd all be sleeping a little better once she smelled a little less mouth-watering. He had a hearty laugh at that which had been cut short when we caught the scent of a pack of wolves and gave chase. There wasn't a lot of talking after that.

Roused from my abstraction by the sound of the garage door opening, in the rearview mirror, I caught sight of Alice pulling out of the garage in Carlisle's Mercedes. She was thinking about the fastest route to get to Bella's house, so I made a left and drove in the opposite direction.

I drove aimlessly for a time. Without making the decision to go there, I ended up at the high school, the place that started it all.

It was a Saturday, so the parking lot was completely empty except for one beat-up Toyota Corolla that I recognized as the car belonging to the weekend custodian. I felt a bit foolish being there, but I had time to kill and what else did I have to do?

I parked my car in my usual spot and surveyed the empty lot. With my perfect recall, I could practically see Tyler Crowley's van come careening into the lot toward where Bella stood behind her truck.

I remembered the look of paralyzed fear on Bella's face as it dawned on her too late that she was in the path of destruction and certain death. _Not her_ , I'd thought. The decision to save her was pure instinct, as visceral as any survival instinct I possessed.

It was almost like something inside me already knew that my survival had somehow come to hinge on hers. Like one of those rare occasions when Alice did things that even she didn't quite understand because her murky web of futures dictated it.

From where I sat in my car, I could see where Bella had fallen the day she fainted on the way to the nurse's office after being sickened by the blood-typing lab in biology. I had been terrified to see her so still and pale-bearing a shocking resemblance to the vision I'd seen of her in Alice's grisly vision. Still, cold, and lifeless.

The rage I had felt at the vile Mike Newton rankled through my chest as raw as if he were standing in front of me and not a distant memory. I would have torn him limb from limb if he'd been the cause of her injury. Not even his dental records could have helped to identify his body after I was done with him.

But no, the only thing Newton had been guilty of was his filthy, simple mind. Somehow that knowledge didn't do much to lessen my ire toward the boy.

A wide, amused smile spread across my face as I remembered the bitter look of rejection that twisted his round, doughy face when in this same parking lot Bella had rejected his ridiculous offer to accompany her to the Spring Dance. His spurned face morphed into those of Eric Yorkie and Tyler Crowley, and at last, Jacob Black.

Was there anyone who hadn't taken interest in Bella when she had arrived in town scarcely a year ago? Had it really been such a short time? She sent them all on their way, but for some reason that I still didn't understand, she had said yes to _me._

At the time, she'd said yes to a date, if you could even call it that. It was a test to see if I could stand to be around her without killing her. _Some date_ , I snorted. I hadn't even fed the poor girl. I rolled my eyes at my thoughtlessness.

I remembered with perfect clarity how convinced I'd been that she would be repulsed by the sight of my disgusting alien skin, the watermark of my inhumanity. I had never felt more vulnerable than I did when I stripped off my shirt and walked into the sunlight in front of her wide, enraptured eyes.

Then, to my utter shock, she called me beautiful, and I could see that she meant it.

Similar images of the last 18 months flashed through my mind like a silent film. All the many ways she had said yes, all the ways she had accepted me and my family without fear, hesitation, or judgment.

I thought of Esme's face when I took Bella home for the first time. How her warm, kind face lit up with joy for me, but also gratitude for the small, human girl who was as beautiful as she was brave.

I felt a surge of longing to be with my Bella. I was never truly at peace when I was away from her. If I couldn't be with her, then I'd settle for the next best thing. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. By now, Alice should have collected Bella and Charlie and would be heading back to the house.

I put the Volvo into gear and headed for the Swan residence. Though Bella's truck was in its usual spot, as was the police cruiser, I could tell no one was home. All the lights were off, but more tellingly was the lack of heartbeats and movement from within.

I looked sympathetically at the tired, little house with chipped white paint. It looked as empty and lifeless as I felt when Bella was away from me, too.

For once, I used the key hidden under the eave and let myself in the front door. If this house could talk, I chuckled, remembering how nervous I was to meet Chief Swan that first time.

It hadn't mattered that he posed no actual threat to me, or that I'm old enough to be his great grandfather. Meeting your girlfriend's father is a harrowing experience no matter who you are.

I passed the sunny little kitchen on my way up the stairs. The scent of Bella was all over the house, as was evidenced by the dull burn in the back of my throat, but it was especially pungent in the hallway outside the bathroom. Humidity and the fragrance of her shampoo hung heavy in the air.

I didn't stop, though, until I reached her bedroom. The fire in my throat burned a degree hotter as I closed the door behind me. Could a room be more sacred than this one, I wondered, but doubted it.

Endless hours had been spent in this little room, most of them spent with Bella being unconscious. But I wouldn't have traded those quiet nights for anything. I'd gotten to know her mind so well by being witness to her dreams.

Her waking hours had been even more memorable. My mind was flooded with the memories of passionate kisses, wandering hands, and every whimper, sigh, and moan ever to have been uttered from her sweet lips.

I sat down on her unmade bed and pulled her pillow to my face, deeply inhaling. The burn that followed was as comforting as if she had placed her warm hand in mine. When I burned, she was safe and whole and near.

Once she was turned I would have to find a new way to channel my anxiety, I surmised. Though, conversely, once she was turned, I wasn't sure what I'd have to be anxious about ever again. After all, every argument we'd ever had had to do with her putting herself at risk.

When she wasn't so breakable and Jacob no longer could stand to be around her, what would we even argue about? I couldn't wait to find out.

Though as was his habit, a stinking, furry interloper intruded on my fantasy of marital bliss. I honestly doubted Jacob would be so easy to get rid of.

If I could control my rare, all-consuming bloodlust for her because I love her, who was to say he couldn't conquer the hurdle of mortal enmity for the same reason? Yet another reason why I was looking forward to whisking her away to New Hampshire for school when we returned from our honeymoon.

The idea of putting 3,000 miles between Bella and the mutt soothed the jagged edges of my anxiety. I hoped that tonight if he decided to accept my invitation, which I very much hoped he did, would be the last time I ever had to worry about Jacob Black. Only time would tell.

**BPOV**

The problem with being the bride before a wedding is that since no one is supposed to see you, especially not the mind-reading groom, I was relegated to hide out of sight in Alice's room until all the guests had arrived and been seated.

It's not that I minded not having to make small talk with a slew of distant relatives, every cop in the Forks police force, not to mention half of my graduating class from school. But being stuck in a room with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs didn't exactly help to pass the time any faster.

There was a faint knock at the door, and then Charlie let himself in. This time he was all done up in his tuxedo.

"Dad, wow!" I exclaimed, looking him over from his freshly cut hair down to his shiny patent leather dress shoes. "You look so handsome! Are you trying to steal Edward's thunder?" I teased, fingering the delicate white ranunculus pinned to his lapel.

"Alice sent me to come get you. It's time. But before we go out there, I just want to say…" He paused for a moment to collect himself. I could see him trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"You're beautiful, baby girl! I can't believe you're already so grown and getting married!" Another deep breath. "Look, I don't understand a lot of things about your relationship, but I can see that you love each other, and that counts for a lot. Just make sure that he makes you happy, too, because if he doesn't…" Charlie trailed off with a threatening growl.

"Aww, Dad" I sniffled, tears springing to my eyes. "Of course he will! Please don't worry about me. Edward and I are _forever._ And I have you to thank for it!" A doubtful expression cast across his face.

"Thank you, Dad! For taking me in, for taking such great care of me, even when I didn't make it easy. I love you so much. I'm _really_ going to miss living with you. I'm going to check in and visit as often as I can!" I threw my arms around him and hugged him with all my might.

"Love you, too, Bells. Don't you worry about me. I've been taking care of myself for a long time," Charlie chuckled into my hair.

"Well don't mess things up with Sue, then maybe you won't have to anymore," I said in a playful tone, cuffing him on the shoulder.

"I'll do my best," he ducked his head to hide his blush. Alright," he straightened up to his full height and extended the crook of his arm. "Ready to get this show on the road?"

I nodded, taking his arm. "Don't let me fall, Dad," I whispered, shakily slipping on my heels.

"Never," he promised in a steely voice.

The first thing I noticed as we approached the stairs was the heavenly smell of orange blossoms and freesia that scented the air. I clutched tightly to Charlie as we began our descent down the candlelit staircase. This was only partly due to the fact that he was the only thing to hold on to. The handrail was blanketed by flowers, ferns, and other sparkling embellishments.

I immediately appreciated that the flowers used in the floral arrangements were very non-typical of a wedding. There wasn't a rose or a hydrangea in sight.

Instead, every horizontal surface was artfully arranged with sprays of sweet peas, delphinium, foxglove, and other flowers I didn't know the names for. It was as if our meadow had overtaken the Cullen house.

The bursts of wildflowers in all their whites and greens were complemented by intermingling clusters of succulents hidden within, a clear nod to my love for the arid landscapes of my native Phoenix. I marveled at their attention to detail; Alice and Esme didn't miss a thing.

As I took the last shaky step onto level ground, I heard a hush fall over the muffled sounds of chattering as the opening chords of Pachelbel's Canon began to play. Alice was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs in a sparkling lavender shift.

I gasped, "Alice, you look-" but she wouldn't let me finish.

"Nobody will be looking at me today with you in the room, I can promise you that!" She was holding two bouquets and handed me the larger of the two. "How'd I do?" Alice asked in a hopeful voice.

"Oh, Alice, do you even have to ask? It's a dream come true! Thank you for not letting me get married in Vegas!" I gushed, wishing I had the words to express my profound gratitude. I put my arms around her, awkwardly trying not to crush our bouquets.

"You almost did _what_ now?" Charlie growled. I smiled guiltily at him, having momentarily forgotten he was standing next to me.

"I'm going to walk first. Once the doors close behind me, count to ten, and then it's your turn," Alice instructed. My eyes widened in panic. Holy crow, this was really happening!

"Hey now, it's okay! Edward's out there. He's waiting for you," Alice reminded me in a soothing voice. She glanced at Jasper who was positioned with Emmett near the patio doors. He nodded almost imperceptibly and a wave of calm fell over me.

"Edward," I gave a stiff nod. "Right. Let's do this." Alice nodded encouragingly and gave my arm a light squeeze before she took her place at the double doors.

On Alice's cue, Jasper and Emmett swung open the double doors, and she stepped out onto the aisle swaying to the rhythm of the classical music that wafted through the door. The doors closed behind her. What had she told me? Oh right, count to ten. _One, two, three…_

By the time I reached ten, Charlie and I were standing in between Emmett and Jasper. They both congratulated me, but honestly, I didn't hear much of what they said.

All I could concentrate on was that Edward was waiting for me beyond those doors, and in a few short minutes, we'd be reciting the age-old words that would make him mine.

And then the doors swung open and I was temporarily blinded, not by the light, but by the canopy of hundreds of white wisteria garlands hanging ethereally from the limbs of the towering sequoia overhead.

The familiar notes of Wagner's Wedding March rang expectantly through the air as the crowd of familiar faces rose to their feet. Each aisle was marked by a moss-covered stump, alive with the growth of ferns and more flowers.

I stepped over the threshold and raised my gaze from the center aisle-naked earth strewn with tiny white blossoms up to the waiting, jubilant eyes of my Edward.

He was standing tall and proud under an archway of millions more of the same white, papery-thin flowers that fluttered in the breeze, some snowing down around him.

As I took my first, measured steps toward him, timed to the beat of the too-slow march, his angelic face lit up in a smile so wide and so bright, I was stunned by its brilliance.

**EPOV**

There aren't words for the flood of emotion that overtook me as my beautiful Bella floated down the aisle toward me on the arm of her misty-eyed father. She was magnificent. As if painted by the hand of God.

She floated down the aisle draped in satin and lace that perfectly hugged her feminine curves in a modest gown that would have been the peak of fashion in my human days. She was breathtaking. Heartbreaking. And soon, with God and all of these people here to witness, I would be officially, and legally _hers._

I felt Carlisle squeeze my shoulder from where he stood beside me as my best man. In the stunned silence, I heard the loud chorus of admiring thoughts from our guests whose eyes were all glued to Bella. It was a small consolation to know that they didn't have the words either.

I tried to tune out the drone of their thoughts so that I could memorize every soft line of Bella's blushing, beatific face.

She marched forward, just a beat or two faster than the music, and looked like she was straining slightly against the weight of the heavy train that dragged behind her, and also by her father, who clutched the hand that held his arm like a parent in no hurry to let go.

It felt like a thousand years that passed in the time I waited for her. I saw every moment flash before my eyes in an instant. Every shy smile, every hesitant touch. Every joyful and gut-wrenching memory, and each blissfully mundane moment in between, until finally, _finally,_ with a quivering lower lip, Chief Swan kissed Bella's cheek, and placed her warm hand in mine.

" _Dearly Beloved…"_ Pastor Webber began.

As I wiped her joyful tears away, I wished so much at that moment that I could have been human for her. I wish she could have seen me with tears in my eyes and weak in the knees because that was the reaction she deserved.

" _Do you, Edward, take Isabella to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, to love and cherish always, for as long as you both shall live?_

I was suddenly glad that Bella hadn't wanted to write our own vows, because as I repeated the Pastor's words back to Bella, I was finding it increasingly difficult to remember how to speak. But I remembered the next two words. I had been waiting a lifetime to say them.

"I do," I promised, with every ounce of conviction that I possessed. The words rang out clear and victorious. Upon hearing them, Bella's face broke into a heart-shattering smile.

" _With the power vested in me_ , _I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss your bride."_

I gently took her face in my hands and gazed into the deep pools of her tear-filled brown eyes. As I drew her face toward mine, her dark lashes fluttered closed and my lips were upon hers.

Bella was clearly not inhibited by the 70-some odd pairs of eyes on us and kissed me as if her life depended on it.

My shoulders shook with silent laughter as I pulled away from her using more force than was usually necessary to the tittering of our amused onlookers.

" _Ladies and Gentlemen it is my pleasure to present, for the first time, Mr. And Mrs. Edward and Bella Cullen!"_

To the loud, approving cheers of our family and friends, I triumphantly raised her bouquet-wielding hand up in the air between us. We then hurried our way back down the aisle through a gauntlet of well-wishers and a torrent of bubbles.

The guests were then corralled into a large, twinkle-lighted tent that was erected for the reception while Bella and I smiled for photos with our nearest and dearest.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house when the emotional, heartfelt toasts were delivered by Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Renee, and finally, Charlie-who was received with a polite round of laughter as he threatened me with bodily harm if I ever did Bella wrong (again).

As the guests were hungrily devouring their catered meal from a Michelin-rated chef, Bella and I made the rounds from table to table, thanking everybody for their presence and support.

When we got to the table seated with Bella's schoolmates, not even Mike Newton's crass thoughts about Bella's figure-hugging gown could sour my exultant mood. I merely hugged her tighter to me and kissed her more thoroughly than was strictly appropriate for company. Dream on _that_ , Newton.

I then made sure Bella was undisturbed as she nibbled on a plate of food. There would be a long night of traveling ahead of us, and she'd need her strength.

Emmett had the time of his life acting as the DJ and Master of Ceremony, cracking thinly veiled jokes at my expense and keeping the crowd entertained.

When it was time to feed each other a slice of the absolutely enormous cake, Bella enthusiastically mashed a piece of vanilla-frosted lemon cake on and around my mouth to the howling laughter of the audience.

I silently thanked her with my eyes for thoughtfully smearing the sticky-sweet mess mostly around my mouth, and not in it so I didn't have to consume much more than what I licked off my lips before I wiped the whole mess off with a napkin.

Knowing Alice cared a whole lot more about Bella's makeup than she did, I returned the favor with gusto. She caught one of my fingers inside her mouth and licked the frosting off with a provocative swirl of her tongue.

The look of intense desire on her face made me want to throw her over my shoulder like a caveman and find the first available bed for which to ravish her, but I reigned myself in knowing there would be eons of time for that later.

Then we shared our first dance. I set Bella's uncoordinated feet on the toes of my shoes and effortlessly whirled her around the dancefloor to the soulful melody of Peter Gabriel's "Book of Love."

"Have I told you yet just how heartbreakingly beautiful you look tonight, Mrs. Cullen?" I crooned into her ear as we danced cheek to cheek.

We were surrounded by dozens of people who Oohed and Ahhed as I dipped and twirled Bella, but we might as well have been the only ones in the universe for all the attention I paid them. I was only aware of one thing, the feel of my wife's soft, warm body as I held her in my arms. Everyone and everything else faded away into oblivion as I felt more than heard the music.

"Not yet, but I'm sure you'll make up for it," Bella teased. Then she let out an astonished- sounding sigh. "Did we really do it? Did we really get married? It feels like a dream." She pulled back a few inches so that she could look at me with awestruck eyes.

"Signed, sealed, delivered. I'm yours," I grinned as I dipped her low and kissed her deeply to an ear-splitting round of applause that nearly drowned out the quiet, happy sobs of my mother.

As the song reached its conclusion, I spun Bella out to my side and we took a bow as emcee Emmett invited Esme and Charlie onto the floor for their own respective dances.

The hands of the clock spun around in double time as we danced the night away. The celebration was nearly at its end when I heard the low, throaty voice of Jacob Black's thoughts announcing his arrival.

I breathed a sigh of relief mixed with anxiety. He was here. Hopefully, this would give Bella the closure she needed to finally put Jacob Black behind us for good.

"There's just one more thing," I explained as I led Bella to the lit courtyard that was just outside the tent.

Walking out from the shadow of the trees, Jacob strode into the light wearing an ill-fitting sport coat over a rumpled dress shirt, slacks, and no tie.

"The party finally showed up," he smirked, breaking the silence.

"Jake!" Bella cried and ran into his arms. He picked her up off the ground in a huge hug and spun her around as she shrieked with excitement. "Oh, Jake, I'm so glad you're here!" she whispered into the side of his neck.

I felt the waves of burning jealousy wash over me at the intimacy of their embrace, but it dissipated with the knowledge that we were here tonight because it was I that won her heart, not the other way around.

"I'm going to step back inside and give you two some privacy," I said, trying to keep the edge out of my voice. I doubted either of them heard a word I'd said.

I turned back toward the tent, but as I walked away, I heard Bella's voice call out to me. "Thank you, Edward! I-" she faltered, then repeated in a soft but firm voice. "Thank you."

I flashed a quick smile at her over my shoulder and mouthed the word "anything." It was true, for her I would do anything, no matter how much it sometimes hurt.

Emmett hit a button on his laptop queueing up the next song and came to stand next to me near the opening of the tent. We stood shoulder to shoulder watching the champagne-inebriated guests get sloppy all over the dance floor.

"Quite the party, bro! Where's my new sister?" This was his unusually tactful way of asking if everything was copasetic outside.

"Tying up loose ends," I shrugged, hoping that was indeed true.

Emmett noticed the tension in my posture. "I'm right here if the wolves step a toe out of line," he said, crossing his massive arms over his chest menacingly. The seams in the arms of his tuxedo jacket protested at the stress.

"Thanks, Em," I nodded, hoping that wouldn't be necessary. I invited Jacob without Bella's knowledge as a courtesy, because I knew if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice.

But if he managed to say something that would hurt her on this, of all days, I would cheerfully tear his guts out and fling them at the rest of the wolfpack like a garter.

No sooner had I thought this did I hear Bella yelp in pain. "Ow, Jake, let go!"

I walked too quickly out of the tent, and as soon as I was out of sight of the guests, flashed over to where the dog was manhandling my wife.

"Take your hands off her," I snarled, tensed for a fight. I heard the warning growls of more wolves just beyond the shadows of the trees. The warning wasn't for me but for Jacob to stay in control of himself. The last thing Sam Uley wanted was a fight on our turf with a dozen more vampire reinforcements just inside the tent.

Seth Clearwater, the only wolf brave enough to attend a vampire party for Bella's sake, urged the trembling Jacob to let her go.

"You'll hurt her, man. Let her go," Seth pleaded.

At Seth's warning, Jacob looked sharply at me conjuring the vivid mental image of me from behind, pale as a corpse, glutes flexing convulsively as I rutted unnaturally fast into Bella's limp, broken body.

"Now!" I growled, my tone deadly.

The very moment the dog released his grip on Bella, she was in my arms and positioned safely behind my back. Seth threw his arms around his pack brother and tugged him toward the trees where the other wolves yipped anxiously out of sight.

"Seth, get out of the way," I called, not wanting the kind younger boy to end up as collateral damage if Jacob lost control and phased.

Jacob allowed himself to be dragged into the trees while he shouted out a few more vague threats in my direction.

And just like that, we were alone again.

Bella was clearly shaken. It was lucky that her dress had long sleeves because his iron grip on her arms was sure to leave marks, the bastard! I cupped my hands around her arms hoping to provide some relief.

"Are you alright?" I looked her over, assessing her elevated heartbeat and blood pressure with some concern.

"I'm such an idiot," she cried, covering her face with her hands. "Why did I say that?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella," I said urgently. It was so like her to blame herself for the dog's inexcusable behavior. Besides, Jacob was right, _I_ was the idiot for even entertaining the idea of making love to her while she was still human.

"We should go inside before anyone notices we're gone," I suggested, putting a hand on the small of her back and gently guiding her back to the tent.

After a few steps, she refused to go any further and asked for a moment to collect herself.

Her hand patted at her hair and flitted down the length of her gown as if to make sure that she was still in one piece. I assured her that she was perfect because it was true.

We resumed our walk back toward the tent and slipped back onto the dancefloor among the other couples before any of the other humans noticed anything was amiss. I pulled her into my arms before anyone else could take her away from me again.

She let out a long breath and asked that we let the whole incident go and not think about him again that night. I said nothing because anything else would've been a lie.

Determinedly, she took my face between her warm, slightly clammy hands. With her blazing brown eyes boring into mine, she insisted that we put Jacob out of mind and focus solely on us.

Though it was impossible to shake the ideation of me taking my pleasure from Bella's lifeless body, it was even more impossible to deny her when she looked at me like that, so I acquiesced.

"Thank you, Edward. I'm not afraid."

"I am," I admitted in a whisper.

"Don't be," she smiled reassuringly. "And by the way, I love you."

I smiled despite myself. "That's why we're here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! So glad to have that chapter behind me. At over 9,000 words it's an absolute monster, but I didn't want to break it up into smaller parts. Obviously, I borrowed heavily from SM but I wanted to show Edward's side of things during some of the key events. I really hoped you enjoyed it, and I SO look forward to taking a stab at Isle Esme. Would love to know what you think! 


	22. Chapter 22

**EPOV**

As Bella and I drove away from the house, the only sound that could be heard over the cacophony of cheers was the mournful howling cry of Jacob Black somewhere off in the distance.

I gently squeezed Bella's hand and pressed down harder on the whining accelerator.

For practical reasons, the car was a rental. Once Bella and I arrived at the airport, I'd drop off the car at the rental agency and be done with it.

I had bet on Bella being too polite and pragmatic to ask why her extremely wealthy husband would settle for commercial air travel when we could charter a private jet.

I usually spared no expense on Bella's comfort, that is, when I could get away with it. To my utter frustration, she always put up such an almighty fuss whenever I tried to spend any money on her at all.

This time, however, was different. I wasn't exactly in a hurry to be alone with Bella now that she had fulfilled her part of the bargain.

And I _definitely_ didn't want to be fending off her advances at 30,000 feet if she decided on a whim that her human life wouldn't be complete without joining the mile-high club.

So I booked our flights, first-class, banking on the fact that we'd be surrounded by people for at least the next 20 hours.

By the time we arrived after a short layover and a boat ride, she'd _have_ to be too tired to want to do anything that same night, wouldn't she? With any luck, jet lag might even knock her out for a few extra hours.

In the time she slept, I could hunt again and try to mentally prepare for what lay ahead.

Though, truthfully, if I hadn't been able to prepare in the months that I'd known this was coming, I wasn't sure how an extra day would help.

"It was such a beautiful wedding, Edward! I still can't believe it," Bella gushed, rosy and smiling.

She sounded sincere, but I found it hard to believe that her night hadn't been at least somewhat dampened by Jacob nearly spoiling everything with his violent outburst. As usual, she was putting on a happy face for my benefit.

After having time to calm down, I avowed that I wouldn't give Jacob Black the satisfaction of tarnishing even one more second of this perfect day. Not with his actions, and certainly not by my sulking over them.

"Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe it, my love," I raised her hand to my face, brushing my lips across her knuckles.

I could hardly believe it myself! Bella was my _wife._ She was mine, as I was hers. And this was just the first night of our forever together. Nothing, not even the mangy dog could dampen my abject joy in that.

It was a three-hour drive to SeaTac Airport, and we spent the drive chatting pleasantly about the wedding. We relived our favorite parts, the things that surprised us, and the funny moments in between.

"How about when Jessica threw water in Mike's face for ogling Tanya?" Bella threw her head back and snickered delightedly. We both had a good laugh over that one.

When I asked her if there was anything about the evening that she would have done differently, a small "v" formed between her eyebrows and her lips were drawn into a tight line.

"I wouldn't have let Jake get under my skin," she growled.

I wasn't about to let her take the blame for this, too.

"It's my fault, Bella. I shouldn't have invited him. I...knew you'd be happier if he came. I thought he'd be able to handle himself better than he did.

"I'm so sorry you were hurt because I erringly put my faith in him." I snorted in disgust.

" _You_ invited him? Why?" Bella sounded shocked.

"I knew that if it had gone the other way, if you had chosen him, I would have wanted the option," I admitted with a half-frown and a shrug.

**BPOV**

Somewhat horror-struck, I considered that for a moment.

I imagined the entire day happening over again, but instead of Edward waiting for me at the end of the aisle, it was Jake. And Edward was the one who made an emotional guest appearance to graciously congratulate me and say his goodbyes.

The very idea of that made bile rise up in my throat; the healed hole in my chest began to ripple at the faultline.

I had no doubt in my mind that I had made the right choice; there had never _been_ a choice.

I had always been destined for Edward. And with that clear in my mind, I started to feel less anxious over the disastrous encounter with my best friend, assuming he even _was_ my friend anymore. I sighed in irritation.

Edward's eyes flashed over to me anxiously. "What is it, love?"

"It's just so frustrating that all this time I thought you were being overprotective when you warned me that Jake was dangerous.

"I never believed you because he's my best friend, and I didn't think he was capable of that.

I just thought you were being biased in your opinion because you were...well, jealous," I said ruefully, feeling my ears turn pink.

Edward's eyes narrowed and jaw clenched at my admission, but he said nothing, so I continued my rant.

"Meanwhile, _he_ was the one saying that he'd never hurt me like you did and that I should pick him. And, yeah, you made mistakes, we both did.

"But you were never the one who told me you wished I was dead. You weren't the one who forced me to kiss you. And you certainly never grabbed me and shook me like that!" I railed, building up steam.

"Edward, am I supposed to believe that you're the only reason for his anger? That he'd never put his hands on me like that again even if I had chosen him?

"I might've believed that before, but not after tonight," I shook my head, bitterly disappointed, and briskly rubbed my hands over my still-throbbing biceps.

Edward sighed heavily. "You're right to be angry with him, Bella. Honestly, it's refreshing that for once you aren't making excuses for him.

"What Jacob did was inexcusable, and you have my word that he'll answer for it. I should have ripped his arms off when I had the chance!" Edward growled, white-knuckling the steering wheel.

"But what could I do with half the town in the tent, and half the pack there to defend him?" He finished with an exasperated groan.

"You did the right thing. I'm just sorry I didn't believe you," I said softly, reaching for his hand.

"Well, you weren't wrong about the jealous part," he shot me a wry look. "But that didn't make the warnings about the werewolves any less true.

"Unlike Jacob, _I'd_ never manipulate you that way, but I'm glad you are able to make those distinctions now." Edward smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, and then continued.

"You never did say how our agreement came up in your conversation. Seems an odd topic to have come up considering the circumstances," he let out a hard, humorless laugh.

I frowned. "He was wondering why we would bother with the pretense of a honeymoon when you could just change me right away. I told him it wasn't a pretense," I added with a shrug.

"Ah," he said in understanding.

Then something he thought of made his face brighten considerably. "Well, it's always a good day when I make Jacob Black homicidal with jealousy!" Edward laughed and flashed my favorite crooked smile.

"Though I'm sorry you were hurt over it," he amended in a less victorious tone.

I laughed at his smugness. "Jeez, are you sure you're not a human teenage boy? I guess you just can't take the testosterone out of the teen vampire," I teased. "Maybe you should stick to hunting females," I added in jest.

"Thanks, but I'm a happily married man," Edward smiled broadly.

"Female _animals_ ," I corrected, rolling my eyes and giving him a light smack on the arm. He just laughed harder. It was a welcome sound.

I looked out the window, trying to ascertain where exactly we were. It was very dark, and all that could be seen on either side of the interstate was a blur of passing evergreen trees. The view didn't give much away. This was the Evergreen State, after all, we could've been anywhere.

"So…do I get any hints about our mystery destination?" I asked, breaking the comfortable lull in the conversation.

"Hmm," Edward rubbed his chin, as if deep in thought. "I suppose one vague hint won't give too much away," he smiled conspiratorially. "We are going south of the equator."

"SOUTH?" I shouted in total surprise. I hadn't been expecting that. Where could he possibly be taking me that wouldn't be too sunny for him to go outside?

"Bella, the first thing you ever told me about yourself was that you don't like the rain and cold. Did you really think I'd take you to the North Pole? Please." Edward snorted and raised an eyebrow in my direction. "Give me a bit more credit than _that."_

I held my hands up in surrender. Clearly, my assumptions were wrong. I guess I would just have to wait and see what he had in store for us.

"Anywhere would be fine as long as you are there with me," I said honestly. "But now I'm seriously stumped about where we're going!" Edward looked proud of himself.

"...Though I'm sure we'll be able to find plenty of ways to stay occupied indoors." I purred with a husky voice and what I hoped were bedroom eyes, flirting with the subtlety of a construction worker.

Edward let out a sexy-sounding growl at my innuendo. "Well, I did make sure to pack my chess set," he replied, the corner of his mouth raised in a teasing smirk.

**EPOV**

What it did to me when Bella spoke to me that way! She could be quite the little vixen when she wanted to be.

But that was sort of the problem. In every romantic film ever made, in every memory I'd ever seen in someone else's mind, there was always a point where love and lust collide.

Nowhere in my very long memory could I remember that moment of combustion ever happening _gently._

No, it looked like Gregory Peck smashing his face into Ava Gardner's while waves crashed into the rocks behind them.

Every single day that I spent with Bella I felt the pull of that magnetism more powerfully. _Especially_ when she made suggestive remarks and batted those wide, innocent eyes at me.

And here we were about to ignite the spark that would start a cataclysmic explosion, and I was somehow supposed to figure out how to do that _gently._

_Nothing could be harder than refusing her blood,_ I mentally repeated the mantra I'd recently adopted.

Flames scorched down my throat at the memory of her sweet, hot blood quenching the inexorable thirst—

_Not. Helping._ I rebuked my undisciplined thoughts and swallowed hard at the rising venom.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a road sign coming into view about two miles ahead. It was too distant for Bella to see just yet. Just a few more miles from the airport. I gave it a little more gas.

"Won't be long now," I murmured in a low voice.

"I guess this will be our first real vacation together, won't it?" Bella mused.

"If you mean is this the first trip we take together where your life isn't in imminent danger from someone other than your own husband? Then, yes, this is our first vacation together," I qualified offhandedly.

"The Cosmopolitan magazine my mom bought me to read on the plane says that traveling with your partner is the true test of a relationship," Bella said using air quotes.

I glanced at her with a look of amused surprise. "You just couldn't wait for the flight to dive into the latest issue of _Cosmo,_ hmm?" I brushed a finger over her warm blushing cheek.

Bella shrugged. "There wasn't a whole lot to do while I was waiting for the ceremony to start," she explained with a hint of defensiveness in her voice.

"Ah, well, I think _our_ relationship gets extra credit for all the near-death experiences…Besides, It's not like we haven't traveled together. This time is just under much more pleasant circumstances."

I took the freeway exit for Seattle-Tacoma International Airport and minutes later had parked the rental car in the drop off area.

It pained me to rent one of those awkward dollies with the squeaky wheels to transport our ludicrous number of suitcases. But it wasn't as if I could carry 400 pounds of luggage through a crowded airport without drawing attention to myself. _Thanks, Alice,_ I muttered under my breath.

Moments later, with Bella by my side, I expertly maneuvered the rolling mountain of luggage through the maze of stanchions that formed the line for first-class passengers.

We breezed past a long line of irritated-looking economy passengers and walked right up to the ticket counter.

"Hello," I said to the airline agent in my soft human-charming voice. "We are already checked in, but I need to drop off our bags."

I slid my ID across the counter.

With a loud clacking of her unnaturally long, brightly-colored acrylic fingernails on the keyboard, the attendant typed my name into her archaic computer.

"Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, first-class tickets to—"

"It's a surprise. For our honeymoon," I silently requested her discretion with my most persuasive voice. .

The attendant thought to herself that we looked too young to be married, but she noted our rings and how Bella clutched tightly to my side. She certainly didn't appear to be there against her will, so she acquiesced with a nod and motioned for me to start placing our bags on the scale.

Soon after, with our luggage all tagged and placed on the conveyor belt behind her, the attendant dismissed us with an obligatory "Congratulations! Thank you for flying with Alaskan Airlines. Have a nice flight!"

"Alaskan Airlines?" Bella looked up at me speculatively.

"Flies all over the world. And Alaska is definitely not south of the equator," I reminded her with a grin.

"Well thank you for mansplaining that, Edward. I must've forgotten third-grade geography."

I laughed as she adorably stuck her tongue out at me like an actual third grader. Mature as she usually acted, It was easy to forget how young she still was.

I could never think of Bella's age without the accompaniment of extreme guilt. Just eighteen years old. Her brain wouldn't even be fully developed for another seven years, not that it ever would, I thought sadly.

Not that _any_ of our brains had gotten the chance to fully mature, but the difference was that we hadn't a choice in the matter and Bella would.

At least as a vampire, her cognition would improve more than she could ever hope for as a human, that was one small consolation.

Though I would never stop feeling guilt over the simple fact that we had agreed to change her before the decision-making center in her brain had fully formed.

The only reason I agreed to do it in the first place is because the only thing I feared more than Bella having future regrets was Bella winding up dead. And I'd come too close to that outcome _too_ many times to ignore the risk.

_It's what she wants_. My other mantra.

Bella tugged on my arm and gestured toward the airport food court.

"We have time to stop for a bite, right?" Bella asked at the same time as her stomach growled.

"I'm not all that thirsty, but if you insist." I pulled her into me and pressed a kiss on the sensitive spot under her ear as her heart began to hammer in her chest.

I smiled against the skin of her neck. I loved how responsive she was to my touch. How I would miss her heartbeat and her blush giving away how affected she was by me.

She laughed nervously, "I meant a bite for the human."

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?" I teased and let her lead me into the food court.

**BPOV**

Like the gentleman he was, Edward paid for my food and carried my tray, setting it down on a recently wiped down four-top in a lonely corner of the large dining area. He then pulled out a chair and gestured for me to sit.

I plopped down heavily into the hard plastic chair feeling the fatigue start to set in from a very long, emotional day.

I didn't even wait for him to sit down across from me before I tuckered into my club sandwich.

Edward looked politely distracted, knowing I didn't care much for having an audience while I ate.

Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I asked him something I'd never thought to ask him about.

"What's your favorite part about...being a Cullen?" I glanced around making sure no one was in earshot.

His eyebrows raised as if surprised by the question. Then his ochre eyes met mine with unsettling intensity.

"I am profoundly grateful that I lived long enough to love you Bella Sw—Cullen," he corrected himself with a heart-shattering smile. "Second to that, the speed. I really do love to run."

I nodded, "Least favorite part, aside from the thirst?"

"Well, before I met you, I would have said that it can be a very lonely existence. Always hiding, running, isolating. Never forming roots in any one place. It gets tedious.

"Now, though, I'm home wherever you are. So I doubt that will bother me much anymore," he added with a serene smile.

"If only someone would invent synthetic blood like in True Blood, then you could be out and proud and we could all coexist!"

"Isn't that the one where the vampires can bite humans all they want but the humans only get turned by sleeping in the ground with their maker for one night? And some of the humans actually _like_ to be bitten?" Edward snickered.

"Yeah! The Fang Bangers!" I giggled as I nibbled on the end of a French fry.

Edward looked thoroughly entertained. "Fang Banger? Is that what you are?"

" _Not yet,"_ I drawled seductively.

I reached across the table and dragged the tip of my index finger lightly across the back of his hand and, one at a time, down the lengths of his long, slender pianist's fingers. This drew a shudder from him, and when he looked at me again, his eyes had gone dark with need.

"And I thought _I_ was dangerous," he muttered out of one side of his mouth.

I smiled winningly. "It's really too bad you didn't book a private jet. We could have started our honeymoon that much sooner!" I waggled my eyebrows at him in jest.

Edward looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

_Now boarding first-class passengers for Alaskan Airlines Flight 1471 to Houston._

"Are you finished?" Edward eyed the scant remains left on my cafeteria tray. "It's time to board."

"Houston?" I asked quizzically, pushing my tray away from me and slinging my carry-on bag over my shoulder.

"Just a stop along the way!" Edward grinned devilishly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't cover as much ground in this chapter as I hoped, but SM kinda "yada yada yada'd" over their long trip to Brazil, and I wanted to expand on that a little bit. Also, Edward being a fraidy cat is the only reason I could come up with for why a filthy rich mind-reading vampire would subject himself to commercial air travel hahaha. Thank you for reading and reviewing! And Happy Holidays to you all! 


	23. Chapter 23

*EPOV*

It was an uneventful flight to Houston. As soon as the airbus reached cruising altitude, Bella retrieved a sleep mask and a u-shaped neck pillow from her backpack, reclined her seat, and within minutes, her breathing evened out into a deep, rhythmic cadence.

She slept through the first four hours of the flight and woke up in time to watch the in-flight presentation of Wedding Crashers. She laughed riotously at Vince Vaughn's one-liners and Owen Wilson's hijinks before we landed for a short layover in Houston.

There was just enough time for Bella to freshen up and eat some breakfast before boarding the final plane to…

"Rio?" She asked excitedly after being issued her boarding pass.

"Just another stop," I grinned, building the suspense and enjoying her anticipation immensely.

Her second wind only lasted halfway through our ascent before she passed out again with our hands clasped between us over the immovable armrest. Even in sleep, her grip never slackened.

With my free hand, I pulled a pair of cordless earbuds out of my pocket, stuffed them into my ears. I scrolled through the album covers of my exhaustive music collection. Wanting to listen to something uplifting, I hit play on a Beatles Greatest Hits anthology and cranked up the volume as loud as could be managed without degrading the sound.

I looked enviously at a passenger across the aisle sporting huge sound-canceling headphones. If only it were that easy to block out the drone of voices in my head. Unfortunately, as was the nature of my gift, I didn't need my ears to hear them.

As such, red-eye flights such as this one were preferable because the human mind was much less busy when it was sleeping.

The human brain, when awake, was like a pot of water at a full boil, thoughts, emotions, and imaginings all bubbling away into a steamy haze of memory.

In sleep, the human mind was more like a gentle simmer with far more images than words. More interesting, too, to see the conjurings of the sleeping mind. You could tell a lot about a person from their unconscious thoughts.

Anxious people had anxious dreams. They showed up to a lot of important life events naked, fell into a lot of bottomless pits, and strangely enough, lost a lot of teeth.

Then there was the fragile alpha male type who dreamed about winning, supercars, corner offices, and beautiful, scantily-clad, _mute_ women. Trophies of all sorts.

These types found it necessary to measure their own success against the perceived success of other people, and thus, were never truly happy with what they had.

Children's dreams were far and away the most fun to watch. Their imaginations were limitless and as colorful as the children's books their parents read to them.

I looked over at Bella who was sleeping as peacefully as could be managed in her semi-reclined position.

As desperate as I always was to hear her thoughts and dreams, the silence of her mind was one of her most complementary traits as my partner. It was an interesting dichotomy.

After all, she was the only soul on earth who could give me the gift of peace with her mere presence. It was the first thing that I noticed about her before I was close enough to catch the maddening scent of her blood.

Her scent...it turned me to ashes while her unique mind soothed like a balm. Though, soon enough she would be all peace and none of the pain, at least in theory.

Jerked from my reverie by a loud disturbance a few yards behind me, I yanked the earbuds out of my ears and scanned the minds of the other passengers for the source.

A young woman, probably in her early-twenties, anxiously paced the aisle of the economy class while bouncing a furious, red-faced infant.

All around her, neighboring passengers looked on with thinly-disguised irritation as the screaming baby made it impossible to sleep.

I was a little amazed the commotion hadn't woken Bella. I slipped my hand out of hers, careful not to disturb her.

I punched the call button above my head and was promptly assisted by a smiling flight attendant. I quietly (as quietly as could be managed over the baby's cries) requested a hot towel and glass of ice water with which she quickly returned.

The baby was really howling now. I dunked the towel in the ice water, letting it get good and cold, then quickly wrung it out.

I stood up and slipped into the aisle passing through the first-class curtain and approached the visibly flustered mother. She frowned apologetically and bounced the baby a bit more insistently.

"Sounds like he's cutting a tooth. Maybe this will help," I handed her the cold, wet cloth.

She looked at me with profound gratitude and handed the rolled-up towel to her baby to chew on. Almost instantly he quieted, soothed.

" _Thank you!"_ It was almost a sob. "Younger sibling?" she guessed, thinking I looked too young to have a child of my own.

"Two," I confirmed. "And you should have heard them wail when their teeth came in," I smiled wryly.

**BPOV**

Woken by a screaming baby, I peeled off my sleep mask and was somewhat alarmed to find Edward's seat empty. Even more perplexing was the cup of ice water on his tray table.

I rationalized that there were only so many places he could be on an airplane. Maybe he went to the lavatory as part of his human facade. That could also explain the water.

Then the ear-splitting crying ceased, and a moment later Edward stepped through the economy class curtain. He lowered himself back into his seat looking a little startled to find me awake.

"Oh, hi, love. I'm sorry you woke up alone," he murmured, a trace of concern written across his perfect features.

Before I could ask him where he had gone, a honey-blonde flight attendant with kind eyes and a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose paused in the aisle and crouched down to say something to Edward. Her name badge said Rachel.

"I saw what you did back there, and I just wanted to say that was amazing! The world needs more people like you. Here is a travel voucher for your next flight. It's something we like to do for passengers who go above and beyond for their fellow passenger." Rachel smiled prettily and extended an envelope in her proffered hand.

"That's really not neces—" Edward held up his hands in protest.

She stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Neither was what you did for that lady, but the whole plane thanks you for it." She pressed the envelope into his open palm, straightened up, and walked back toward the rear of the plane.

Edward tucked the envelope away in the inside pocket of his jacket without looking at it.

"Ok, what was _that_ about?" I pressed, completely lost.

"It was nothing," he said with a slight frown. "A woman back there sounded like she needed some help. I just did what anybody would've done." He sounded almost…embarrassed?

"Doesn't sound like it," I said dubiously, but seeing his obvious discomfort, I let it drop.

"Where are we? How long was I out?"

Edward's smile returned. "A couple of hours. We won't land for a while yet if you'd like to go back to sleep."

Wide awake now, I shook my head knowing sleep was unlikely to find me anytime soon. I also badly needed to relieve myself and stretch out the knot that was beginning to form in my lower back from the unnatural sleeping position.

I pulled the sleep mask off of my forehead, and the pillow from around my neck and stashed them quickly in my backpack before moving to stand up.

"Human moment," I answered the questioning look on Edward's face before he could ask.

He nodded and stood up for me to pass even though there was more than enough room to get by in our spacious first-class accommodations.

As I passed by him to step into the aisle, Edward's hands circled quickly around my waist, pressing me to his front. His chin rested lightly on my shoulder, and in a movement that made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, he placed a cool, lingering kiss on the pulse point of my throat before releasing me.

Completely dazzled, I flashed him a sultry smile over my shoulder. However, my throbbing bladder wouldn't let me focus on any of my other growing needs.

"Hold that thought," I whispered huskily and speed walked to the first-class lavatory.

As I was going about my business, I could hear the voices of the first-class flight crew gossiping excitedly on the other side of the thin wall partition.

"Did you _see_ that hottie in 2A breeze through the curtain and get that little demon to

stop crying like some kind of first-class hero? _Swoon!"_ The young female voice gushed.

"I'd let him see the inside of _my_ cockpit anytime," another voice giggled.

I cringed. The exchange gave me flashbacks of Jessica Stanley and all the crude remarks she would make about our male classmates, but _especially_ about Edward before he and I got together.

My reflection in the mirror made a face as I washed my hands in the small basin. If _I_ had heard them just now, then Edward definitely had, and he'd know I heard them, too. I sighed. This was the trouble with having a husband who looked like an angel carved out of stone.

I rinsed the strong-smelling orange-scented suds off my palms and straightened my wedding rings which had gone slightly askew under the warm spray of water.

Let them say what they wanted. He was _mine_ , after all, and it just so happened that we were on our way to our honeymoon destination.

I smoothed the wrinkles from my dress, made sure there was nothing stuck in my teeth, and shouldered my way through the lavatory door with my chin thrust high. It was a short walk back to our row, just a couple of steps, really.

Edward smiled, a bit warily, and moved to stand, as he always did whenever I entered or exited the room, but I dropped a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

His brow knit together in confusion, then raised in surprise as I stepped in front of him and purposely fell into his lap.

I twisted to the side so that my knees were bent over the shared armrest and threw my arms around his neck.

"Next time just book one seat. Think of all the airfare you could save," I teased in a whisper, my lips a mere inch from his. He opened his mouth to say something, but it was muffled by my own lips crashing into his.

As was his habit, he froze in the split-second that he always took when deciding whether he would indulge my sudden display of affection or push me away. Wisely, he chose to indulge me.

His own arms wrapped around my waist pulling me closer, then he moaned softly into my mouth, returning the kiss with enthusiasm. I clamped my left hand possessively over one side of his strong, chiseled jawline and boldly nipped at his bottom lip.

He growled low in his throat, and the sound of it made every inch of my skin stipple with goosebumps. I could feel the blood and heat rush from my extremities straight to my core.

The silence coming from the crew-area of the plane was deafening. I smiled against the smooth skin of his mouth as the infernal kiss smoldered into something softer, like the gentle flickering of a tea light, then was extinguished altogether.

Edward sighed happily, his sweet breath washing over my face like a cool breeze. He pressed his lips once more against the high arch of my cheekbone and murmured, "I hope that wasn't in reaction to what those stewardesses were saying. But if it _was,_ let me know so I can write them a thank you note." He chuckled lowly, the sound vibrating against the skin of my cheek.

I giggled despite myself. "I hope the only cockpit you want to see the inside of is _mine,"_ I growled back playfully.

Edward shuddered. "Please don't ever say that again," he said in a half-laugh, his face twisted in pure revulsion.

I threw my head back and laughed at his reaction. "Duly noted. You are not impressed by dirty talk."

"I don't know _what_ that was, but it wasn't dirty talk," Edward's nose wrinkled as if he smelled something foul.

My heart fluttered at his obvious distaste for their unsolicited attention. It was easy...routine, even, for me to listen to the deep-seated voice of insecurity in my head that insisted I was flawed, insignificant, and wholly unworthy to be the object of this otherworldly angel's love and affection.

Other women being drawn to Edward was inevitable, understandable even. But his swift rejection of them simultaneously felt like the validation I so desperately craved-that he hadn't-and wouldn't-change his mind about me.

And while I may have understood Edward's irresistibility factor better than anyone, it certainly didn't mean I was above marking my territory.

One of Edward's hands fell away from my waist. His curved fingers swiped a lock of hair behind my ear before it came to rest under my chin, cupping it.

"Did you enjoy it this much whenever Jacob or any of your _other_ would-be suitors drove me so insane with jealousy?" Edward's voice was teasing. His topaz eyes were dancing with mirth.

Thunderstruck by his question, my jaw fell open. "Well, not when you were disabling my truck or following me back from the Rez like some kind of maniac!" I said pointedly, shoving at his shoulder with the heel of my hand.

I quickly followed up with, "But I definitely didn't hate the part when you'd hold me a little tighter or kiss me harder whenever Jake was around. How would that _not_ make a person feel more wanted and valued?" I asked rhetorically, taking the sting out of my earlier accusal.

He nodded, accepting that. "Well just so you know, I don't think it's _possible_ for me to want or value you more than I already do. But if it pleases you for me to act like a caveman on occasion, I will happily oblige."

Edward gently pulled my chin down until our lips fused together like molecules of water joined together by unbreakable hydrogen bonds. I breathed him in, savoring the closeness of him.

And then, suddenly, I was no longer in his arms. In the blink of an eye, he'd lifted me off his lap and dropped me unceremoniously in my own seat, tightening the seatbelt across my lap.

"The pilot is about to announce some turbulence," he whispered urgently. "Brace yourself."

Edward's warning was punctuated by the seatbelt light beeping and flashing above our heads. At the front of the plane, the flight crew clamored to their seats, strapping in. At the same time, the pilot's voice crackled over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. I've turned on the fasten seatbelt sign and asked the flight attendants to be seated. We may be entering an area of turbulence and would like everyone seated for safety. Thank you for your cooperation."

The aircraft vibrated and shuddered, skipping through the storm system like a flat, smooth stone on water.

Edward was sitting straight up in his chair listening for something I couldn't hear over the whining engines of the plane and the alarmed cries of the people around us.

He turned to me then. Trying to look reassuring, he gave me a tight smile, but my stomach remained firmly lodged in my throat.

My fingernails were trying to find purchase in the hard plastic of the armrest when a cool, steady hand easily unclenched the claw of my fist and took my hand firmly in his.

My fingernails didn't have any more luck against his hand than they did on the armrest.

"It's alright," he squeezed back minutely. "They have it in hand. A few more bumps and we'll be through the worst of it," he uttered in a low voice, sounding more confident than he had a moment before. I felt some of the built-up tension leave my shoulders.

"There's no need to worry, love. Don't you remember what I said I'd do in the event of a plane—"

The murderous look in my eyes kept him from saying the word "crash." But I did indeed remember the exchange of notes in Mr. Berty's English class.

' _I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.'_

I gave a stiff nod, suddenly more afraid for the plane than for myself.

Of course he was right. The cabin lurched once to the left, then corrected with a slight lurch to the right, and then the vibrating stopped and I could breathe again.

I looked out the window, and sure enough, now that we were through the storm the sky had started to brighten.

I sighed heavily with equal amounts of relief and anxiety. "How much longer?" I whimpered.

"Two more hours until the landing gear drops," Edward promised, his eyes were dark with concern, this time for me, not the plane.

Though, now that I thought about it, his concern had probably _always_ been for me. It's not like he personally had anything to fear from going down with the plane.

He reached for my backpack on the floor by my feet and pulled out the bag of potato chips and a bottle of water I'd purchased at the airport.

"Eat," Edward demanded. I'd heard that tone before.

"Edward, I'm fine. I'm not going into shock. I just had a bit of a scare. And I don't think I could eat anything right now if I tried." I was calmer now, but my stomach hadn't fully descended into its proper place. I pushed the bag of chips away.

"Always so stubborn," he said through gritted teeth.

"Just a couple more hours and then…?" My eyes widened in the sudden realization that I didn't know how much longer our journey would take after we landed in Rio. _Just another stop,_ he'd said.

He smiled reassuringly. "No more planes," he promised.

I exhaled in relief. But there was something about the way he said "No more planes," that made me suspicious. That didn't rule out cars, trains, buses, boats, or any number of other modes of transportation. Least of all, his own two legs.

I had hoped that the seatbelt light would turn off once the plane was flying in smoother skies so that I could curl up in Edward's lap and feel the safety of his arms wrapped around me again.

Alas, that was not the case, and I was stuck in my seat for the remainder of the flight. I breathed a sigh of relief when the flight attendants made their last pass to collect garbage because I knew our descent would be imminent.

When we finally did land, I honestly don't know how long it took Edward to retrieve our bags from baggage claim. He sat me down on a bench, and I must've nodded off, because the next thing I knew a taxi was dropping us off at an eerily quiet marina.

I had no idea of the time or even what day it was where we were, but the dashboard clock in the taxi had read 3:31, and the sky was too dark to be afternoon. So it was late, very late.

Then we boarded a small, sleek boat docked near the end of the pier. Edward started it up and guided it into the open water of the Guanabara Bay.

Tired as I was, it was impossible not to be exhilarated by the warm, salty air that blew my hair out behind me as I watched the impressive Christ the Redeemer statue get smaller and smaller until it disappeared entirely.

I had never felt so alone with Edward until right then in that small boat in the middle of the ocean.

Once that might've made me feel small, maybe even afraid. I looked at him then, marveling at how his pale skin gleamed even whiter by the brilliant starlight.

His eyes were on me, too, carefully appraising my reactions to everything. It occurred to me that of the two of us in that boat, Edward, strong as he was, was _not_ the one holding the power.

I let the thrill of that realization flow throw me..It felt a lot like nausea.

It had been a quiet ride until Edward's excited voice ruptured the calm. "Bella, look!"

At first, I didn't see what he was pointing at. Then the fuzzy shape of an island began to breach the horizon.

"This is Isle Esme," he'd beamed when I had asked where we were.

**EPOV**

As I carried Bella, _my wife_ , over the threshold of Esme's beach house, her thundering heartbeat could as well have been my own for how nervous I felt.

My palms should've been clammy, my knees should've been weak, and my voice should've had a tremor in it. That's how I felt, anyway, when I set her down on the distressed white balsa wood floors in the small foyer and excused myself to retrieve the luggage.

The luggage really could have waited, but what I really needed was a moment outside in the fresh air to clear my head. It was hard to think straight in that hot, humid little room with her heated scent hanging so thick in the air.

I stacked the steamer trunks into a manageable pile on the dock, but as I hopped from the gently rocking boat onto the dock, I was distracted by a flash of white from below. I looked again.

In the moonlight, on the gentle swells of the near-black water, I caught my own reflection staring back at me.

There was nothing precisely different about my appearance, save for the trepidation burning in my wide, unblinking eyes.

Those same eyes, churning and rippling with the movement of the water, reminded me of Carlisle and the faith he had in me. That faith, unbreakable as it was, paled in comparison to the faith that Bella had in me.

The anticipation of this night had swollen to intimidating proportions, and all of their faith and trust boiled down to this one night. It would either be shattered or restored based on how well I could control myself during the impossible task of making love to my fragile, human wife.

_Focus. FOCUS._ I demanded of myself.

Bella's life—or what was left of it—depended on my control. _No mistakes._

From my lapel, I unpinned my boutonnière of the slightly wilted, white ranunculus, gently closing my fingers around the flowers in the palm of my hand.

I closed my eyes. I thought of her scent. I imagined the warmth of her skin. The heat of her breath. I remembered what the wet fire of her mouth felt like when she licked cake frosting off my finger mere hours ago.

I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and unclenched my fist. A strangled gasp ripped out of my chest when all that remained of the flowers was a moist lump of white pulp.

I let it fall into the water as if it had burned me, the ripples it created distorting the reflection of my horrified face.

Back up at the house, I heard Bella's respiratory rate and heartbeat accelerate as if she was having an anxiety attack of her own. I tried to pull myself together, to steel my nerve.

She needed me to be brave for her, as brave as she always was for me. My own self-doubt only served to put her further at risk, so it was a luxury I couldn't afford. I could do this. _I had to._

I picked up the pile of steamer trunks, balancing their easy burden in one hand. I double-checked that the boat was securely moored, and trudged back up to the house, at a human pace, kicking up sand behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N Happy holidays, everyone! Sorry for the long wait for this update. I lost my writing mojo over the holiday break while working on some other projects and had to wait for a stroke of inspiration to start back up again. I'm glad I waited though because I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. And, yay, you get a bonus chapter, because I didn't want to update this fic until the wedding night was completely written, and now it has. I finally earn my M rating in the next one. Enjoy! And please let me know what you think, good, bad, or sparkly. :)


	24. Chapter 24

*EPOV*

When I returned, I found that Bella had ventured into the master bedroom and was absently fingering the gauzy fabric of the mosquito netting that billowed around the huge, white bed.

She was as white as a ghost and shiny with the faint sheen of perspiration. I silently closed the distance between us and swiped away a dewy bead of sweat from the nape of her neck.

"It's a little hot here. I thought... that would be best," I rambled nervously.

Bella turned to face me. "Thorough," she nodded approvingly. The sound of my forced laugh filled the room and she raised an eyebrow at me, unfooled.

More words left my mouth, stilted, and barely intelligible. Why did I keep talking? _Way to go, Don Juan._

I looked again at the intimidatingly large bed. Could a bed look expectant? This one did. Panicked, I deployed stalling tactics.

"I was wondering," I looked anywhere but at her or at the wide, placid, mocking expanse of the plush, four-poster bed, "if...first...maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" My voice sounded calmer now to my own ears. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice," Bella chirped, her voice an octave higher than usual.

The silence stretched out awkwardly between us. That was something of a first.

I offered her an escape route. "I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two...It was a long journey."

She nodded stiffly, appearing frozen in place. It would seem that I wasn't the only one having difficulty forming sentences, I thought with a chuckle.

I pressed a soft kiss over her carotid artery, feeling the familiar pulse of her blood pumping underneath her translucent, paper-thin skin.

As unnerved as I was, Bella looked even _more_ tightly wound. Had I made some miscalculation? Maybe the locale was all wrong. I wanted to take her someplace where she would be warm that would also be private. But maybe a private island was _too_ private. I hadn't considered that she might feel...trapped. I resolved to give her some space and let her come to me, _if and when_ she was ready.

"Don't take _too_ long, Mrs. Cullen," I murmured into the sensitive skin below her ear, feeling her quiver beneath my touch.

I stepped through the French doors onto the warm sandy beach unbuttoning my shirt and letting it slip off my shoulders behind me. When I was sure I was out of her immediate sight, I shed the rest of my clothes and hung them from a low-hanging palm frond. I dove quickly into the lukewarm waves and swam for deeper water.

I tried not to listen too intently to what she was doing as she puttered around inside the house, eventually turning the shower on. I couldn't _not_ hear her, though, when she sank to the bathroom floor nearly hyperventilating.

"Don't be a coward," she admonished herself, the bravest person I knew. My heart broke for her then. So she _was_ afraid. If not of me, then of what we were about to do. I could hardly blame her. I was terrified, and it wasn't _my_ life at risk. Well, not directly, anyway.

I wished I knew what exactly it was that she was afraid of. Of me? Of the pain? Of being bitten or...broken? She'd never tell me, of that I knew for sure. Stubborn as she was, she'd never show her fear if she thought it would change my mind.

A new fear occurred to me. Would she try to hide her pain from me if she thought I'd put an end to this experiment? Anxiety rankled through me. The answer seemed obvious. _Of course,_ _she would_. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled out of my mouth.

Before I could spiral any further, I heard the snick of doors opening and Bella stepped unhesitatingly out onto the sand. She smelled of her usual hygiene products and of terry cloth.

She walked closer to the water. When I could no longer hear the chafe of her towel against her skin, I had to remind myself to breathe. It took all my restraint not to turn and look at her as she entered the water. I locked my body in place and kept my eyes on the moon. _If and when she's ready_.

Then she was there, next to me, placing her warm little hand in mine.

"Beautiful," she'd said as she joined me in gazing at the moon. I swallowed hard, telling her how the moon could never compare to her beauty, and finally turned to face her.

I quickly processed the stunning, bare state of her but made sure that my eyes never left her exquisite face. She placed her hand over my heart, and I covered it with my own, holding it there. I needed her to promise me something.

"I promised we would _try,"_ I whispered hoarsely. "If...if I do something wrong, if I hurt you," my voice broke, "you _must_ tell me at once," I pleaded.

She nodded. Her face was the picture of sincerity. She took a step closer and leaned into me.

"Don't be afraid. We belong together," she had said. I could see it in her eyes that she wasn't just saying that for my benefit. She believed it to be true, and that made it that much easier for me to believe it, too.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into deeper water, reveling in the feel of so much of her heated skin pressed against mine.

She held herself close to me, crushing her soft, pert breasts between our bodies. I bit back a groan as I felt her nipples harden against my skin.

I locked myself down, acutely aware of every muscle in my body, as well as every muscle in hers. Behind my eyelids flashed the stark white flower petals crushed beyond recognition in the palm of my hand. Bella's warm, wet palms on either side of my face broke me from my abstraction.

"Hey," she whispered, a determined edge in her voice. I opened my eyes, meeting her concerned gaze. The deep brown pools of her eyes were almost black in the light of the moon. "Don't overthink it. We'll go slow. It'll be perfect, you'll see."

Her smile was wide and warm, and her eyes were so soft and trusting. I kissed her as hard as I dared then. Her warm breath tore out of her in a wild gasp just before our lips collided.

I kissed her long and hard, to the point where I knew her lungs had to be burning from the lack of oxygen before I pulled away.

I immediately went to task exploring and committing to memory every new inch of skin that was revealed to me with both my hands and mouth. When she started getting a little bit too handsy for my comfort, I dove under the water and reemerged behind her.

We both groaned at the feeling of my erection pressed into the flesh of her perfectly round backside. I had had one forearm wrapped supportively around her waist. And with the back of my other hand, I traced the delicate curve of her face from her temple down to the adorable little dimple in her chin, while I whispered to her in a gravelly voice just a _few_ of the ways I planned to worship her body that night, and for the rest of time.

"Please, Edward, _please_ ," Her voice was breathy and full of need.

A hard, dark laugh rumbled out of my chest. "Please what, Bella?" My question wasn't meant to be seductive as much as it was my desire for her to be specific. But if it achieved both purposes, so much the better.

"Touch me _,_ Edward. _Please_. I can't take it anymore!" Her hands yanked roughly at mine, placing them squarely over her breasts. They were soft and warm, pebbled at the peaks, and fit perfectly into the palms of my hands. I cupped them as gently as if she were made of spun glass.

"Here. Like this," she said, holding my hands more firmly to her chest. "You can touch me that hard," she explained gently, patiently helping me calibrate my movements.

I nodded in understanding. "Thank you," I whispered. "That helps." She spun around in my arms to face me and smiled reassuringly.

"It's all for you, you know. There's nowhere that you could touch me that I wouldn't want you to."

As if she hadn't made herself vulnerable enough with that statement, she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my middle.

I growled at the same time that she gasped as her heat made contact with my painfully hard erection, trapping it between our bodies in the furrow of her core.

" _Bella_ ," I groaned. This was going too far, too fast. Much too fast. And then her teeth began to chatter, and I knew it was time for a change of scenery.

"Come on. Let's get you inside before you get hypothermia," I muttered under my breath, already half-way out of the water.

Running up the beach toward the house, I cradled her in one arm while I plucked her towel off the trunk of the palm tree where it hung and wrapped it around her. I ignored my own clothes for the time being.

"Are you cold?" I asked as I carried her over the threshold of the French doors into the master bedroom. "Would you like to warm up in the shower, or maybe a bath?"

"Actually...I was wishing I was a whole lot colder, if you catch my drift," Bella bit her lip enticingly.

Too quiet for her to hear, I said a short prayer to whatever god was listening, and then laid her gently on the bed.

She was an absolute vision laying there bare and waiting. Her smooth skin was peaches and cream against the bright white of the duvet cover.

"Oh, Bella," I murmured, completely transfixed. "You are more perfect than I ever could have imagined."

"You must've been reading my mind," she breathed as her eyes hungrily raked over my body.

I lowered myself down so that I was on top of her, but that she felt none of my weight. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids. I touched, tasted, and paid tribute to every freckle, curve, and scar.

Using one hand, I cupped her breast, feeling the weight of it in my hand. I marveled at how responsive her skin was there, stippling with goosebumps with just one cool breath over the stiffened peak.

When I took one of her rosy pink nipples carefully into my mouth, she gasped and arched her back, her eyes screwed shut. She knotted her fingers into my damp hair as if she were holding on for dear life.

I startled, thinking she was in pain. My reaction was immediate. At my swift retreat, Bella's eyes flew open and she propped herself up on her elbows to look at me.

"Why'd you stop?" Bella panted. Her chest was a mottled red.

I blew a breath out of my cheeks. "Because I'm on a hair-trigger and not yet familiar with your...reactions," I admitted ruefully.

She nodded in understanding, chewing on her lip. "Tell you what. If I need you to stop, I'll say the word 'red.' That way there is no misunderstanding."

I smirked. "We're probably the only couple in history to need a safeword for our maiden voyage."

She wrinkled her nose indignantly. "What am I, a _boat?"_

I barked out a laugh before playfully launching myself at her. She breathlessly fell back onto the mattress with her hair spilling out around her in dark, wet tendrils, in a Medusa-like effect.

I looked deep into her eyes. Being turned into a less mobile form of stone would've been worth the sight. I kissed her, again and again. On her lips, her jaw, her throat.

And then I continued where I left off. This time, giving my attention to her other breast.

I was now kneeling between her knees, bent over her perfectly sculpted body, and working my way down.

Her back, arched as it was, showed the clear separation of her ribs. On either side, I ran my fingers along the grooves as if I were playing a scale on my piano. This drew a sharp breath from her.

My own breath caught in my throat. She was already so many things to me. She was _everything_ to me. My love, my muse, my peace. And I was beginning to understand that she was also the most magnificent musical instrument ever created; if I played her just right, she made the most heavenly music.

"Oh, Bella...I am going to make you sing," I crooned, too quiet for her ears.

I planted a meandering trail of soft, tender kisses from her sternum, down between the valley of her breasts, over her quivering abdomen until I came to her belly button. I tasted her there, drawing a ticklish giggle from her.

The closer I got to her core, the more ragged her breathing became.

"Breathe, Bella," I reminded her with a soft chuckle.

Her eyes narrowed. "We'll just see how well you're breathing when it's _my_ turn," she growled.

I cracked a smile and laughed darkly. Then I gently cupped the soft curls of her mound, and she gasped my name.

Her skin was so soft and pink and glistening with her arousal. She smelled divine, as mouthwateringly as she always did, but amplified by the musky scent of her sex. I wanted to eat her alive, but I didn't think either of us was ready for that quite yet.

"I've wanted to touch you like this for so long, Bella," I told her. "You have no idea how many times I've dreamt of doing this," I said, gliding a finger through her moisture, exploring her most sacred parts.

I drew the moisture up around her engorged nerve center, and It was right around then that she lost her ability to speak.

When I slipped a cool, lubricated finger inside her, gently probing the thin barrier within, she alternated between grunts, groans, sighs, calling out my name and calling out God's.

She was very ready for me, but I wasn't sure I was. Instead, I used the pad of my thumb to rub small circles around the ruby red flesh peeking out of her soft folds.

She clutched at the bed linens, tossing and turning her head as she panted and moaned. Her muscles tightened and strained as I coaxed her to an ever-sharpening point.

"Edwarrrrrd," she begged, her need to the point of pain.

"Let go, Bella. Come for me beautiful girl," I urged, stroking her even faster.

She went completely silent. She wasn't even breathing. My own breath stalled in my chest as I watched captivated as her body finally gave way to an earth-shattering climax.

The sound of her deep, guttural groan was nearly my undoing. If I thought watching her bring herself to orgasm was a sacred pleasure, it was nothing compared to the feeling of giving her that release with my own two hands. Or knowing that I put the lazy, joyous look of pure euphoria on her face.

Bella laid there, chest heaving, covered in a thin sheen of perspiration. She was glorious.

"That was...that was…" she struggled for words.

"The most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I finished for her. "God, you're gorgeous," I said leaning over her and kissing her hard on the mouth.

"Was that...okay?" I asked, suddenly timid.

Her clammy hand reached up and cupped the side of my face. "Slightly better than _okay_." With her wide smile and slurred speech, she seemed a little drunk.

Smoothing her wild hair off her forehead, I returned her smile with all the love and warmth that existed from within every cold, dark corner of my being.

"So...now what?" I raised my eyebrows, not sure how much recovery time she'd need.

Her answering smile was nothing short of devilish. "Now, it's _my_ turn!" She playfully shoved at my shoulders.

In doing so, she looked like she was using a fair amount of her strength, but the pressure she exerted may as well have been the graze of a butterfly's wings. Still, her intention was clear, so I rolled off of her and laid by her side.

Bella rolled onto her side to face me, propping her head up on her hand. She tentatively extended her other hand out to touch me, but I intercepted it, stilling it with my own. I nervously toyed with the rings on her finger as I spoke.

"Bella, do you remember our first day in the meadow? How you needed to move very slowly and deliberately around me when I was first learning how to be close to you…so that I didn't lose control of myself?

"You need me to do that again." She interjected with a firm nod of her head. "Sure, I can do that. No surprises."

"I know it's not very romantic," I frowned apologetically. "It's just...when I'm startled, that's how mistakes can happen, so I need you to be very vocal about what you're doing..just until I have a better idea of what to expect."

"Whatever you need," Bella smiled encouragingly.

A vision of my palm full of savaged flowers flashed before my eyes.

"And Bella?" The anxiety in my voice was palpable. "...If I don't touch you at first, it's not because I don't want to. It's because it's safer if I don't."

"Edward?" She asked in a neutral tone.

"Yes?" My voice came out unnaturally high.

"May I kiss you now?" Bella asked sweetly.

"I might die if you don't." Cheesy and a little dramatic, I'll admit, but I was a sucker for the classics. Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, Humphrey Bogart (and Carlisle, of course) were the men who showed me what it looked like to love a woman.

Bella's lips were upon me then, warm, soft, and open. When she finally pulled away, she tugged her hand out of my grasp and very slowly raised her hand to my face. Her thumb stroked along my cheekbone, while her fingers curled into the hair that grew behind my ear.

She traced the hard line of my jaw, the cleft of my chin, and glided the pad of her thumb along my lower lip. I pressed a gentle kiss on the ridges and swirls of her fingerprint.

Bella's exploration continued down the column of my throat, dragging the tip of one finger over the protrusion of my Adam's apple to the small hollow between my collarbones. She followed my clavicle over the curve of my shoulder, and using fingers splayed wide, she placed her whole hand on the plane of my chest, just over my heart.

"I'm going to readjust so I can use both of my hands," she mumbled. I nodded appreciatively at her communicativeness.

She repositioned herself so that she was kneeling at my side, now with both hands splayed over my pectoral muscles. I hissed pleasurably at the sensation of her gently scraping her fingernail over the stiffened peak of my nipple before running her fingers down the length of my long, lean torso.

Warning me first with her eyes, she very slowly dipped her head down to the level of my chest and pressed a soft kiss in the lightly furred patch of skin above my heart.

It honestly felt a little sacrilege...backwards to let her prostrate herself like this for me. It should be me, _always,_ kneeling at her altar. But I was hers now, body and soul (what was left of it anyway.) And if the goddess wanted me this way, then she would have me.

I felt the sublime heat of her fingers blaze a path across the ridges of my abdomen as she paid special attention to the thin line of hair just below my navel. I hissed, fists clenched in the bedsheets, and my whole body tensing in surprise. Her hand froze in place; her eyes flashed up to meet mine.

"I'm sorry, too fast?" She asked concern etched across her face.

I smiled ruefully. "No, love. It just...goes against the grain letting your hands wander below the belt."

Bella snorted. "Tell me about it. It goes against the grain _feeling_ your hands below the belt. It's kind of weird that, like, we're married now and, poof, none of the old rules apply," she shrugged indifferently.

"Some of them still do," I said softly, flashing a toothy smile.

She smirked and raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "For now."

After a beat, she blushed, seeming to remember what she had been doing before being sidetracked. "May I?" She asked, absently raking her fingernails through the thatch of hair on my lower abdomen.

Unable to find my voice, I nodded.

"Edward, I'm going to touch you now," she whispered, hand poised over me. She waited for me to stop her, but I just fisted my hands harder in the sheets and nodded again.

Gently, one finger at a time, she curled her hand around my painfully hard erection, her petite fingers not quite long enough to circle the base.

She waited, letting me get accustomed to her touch before she slid her up my shaft.

Her dry hands on my skin created more than the desired amount of friction, so I reached for a tube of lubricant that was stashed in the bedside table and squeezed out a small dollop on the palm of her hand. "This should help," I added.

She slowly glided her hand up and down my shaft, building up speed and confidence along with it.

When she started getting into a rhythm and experimentally twisting her hand around the sensitive glans at the tip, I shuddered. I was already getting close, and I needed her to stop, but I feared I lacked the control to touch her.

"Bella. That feels incredible, but... you have to stop," I said through clenched teeth.

Her hands flew off me in an instant. "Did I—"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just won't be able to last, and this isn't how I wanted to…"

Bella's mouth formed into a perfectly round "o" as she came to understand my meaning. Then she smiled, seeming pleased by my response.

"Got it. Well...uh, I'm ready whenever you are," she blushed and bit her lip.

I definitely didn't have the control for _that_. I needed to draw things out a bit more.

"First thing's first," I grinned. "I want to try something." In a flash of movement too fast for her weak eyes to process, I rolled onto all fours then playfully stalked toward her.

She let out a little wide-eyed shriek of surprise, and fell backward against the mattress, catching herself on her elbows.

I took a deep breath, centering myself, and focusing hard on regulating the power flowing through my limbs.

I gingerly took hold of her ankles and using as little force as possible, gave a little yank so that she was now lying flat on her back. She let out another yelp, followed by a nervous-sounding giggle.

I bent her knees and settled myself on my stomach between her legs.

"Edward!" she exclaimed in a whispered gasp. Her eyes were bright with excitement, but I could also see the shadow of apprehension.

My shoulders were pressed against the back of her thighs, and I hooked an arm over her pelvis, keeping her still.

"Is this ok?" I asked, not wanting to do anything she was uncomfortable with, but _desperately_ wanting to please her in this way.

She propped herself up on her elbows again to look at me. "Um, yes?" She sounded unsure, "But you don't have to…"

My dark eyes burned up at her.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

I swallowed hard, ridding my mouth of residual venom. Then, keeping my eyes on her face, I slowly, languorously licked the entire length of her. I moaned, luxuriating at the salt and tang that was exquisitely _Bella._

A long, drawn-out groan tore out of Bella's throat—the sound of it made my impossibly hard cock throb in anticipation.

My tongue explored her softest skin, following the sounds of her pleasure. She whimpered and keened, and once I slid a finger inside her slippery heat and clamped my lips around her most sensitive flesh, she was begging.

"Please, Edward, _please!"_

I moaned loudly into her folds at the urgent sound of my name on her sweet lips. _Sing for me, Bella,_ I thought, with a single-minded focus on bringing her the release she was chasing.

She went dead quiet again. I smiled knowingly into her skin. It was the calm before the storm.

From my decades of mental espionage, I knew this was the pivotal moment where many men failed. When a woman was this close to the edge, constancy was key. I changed nothing about my pace and rhythm and patiently waited her out, letting her climax build.

I felt her inner muscles tighten around my finger and her entire body tense. With one last shallow gasp, she went to pieces.

Bella's head was thrown back. Her hands were fisted in the sheets and her toes were curled. I would have laughed at the blasphemous language exploding out of her, but my mouth was busy.

Hypersensitive after her release, I could feel Bella trying to pull away from me, so I relaxed my grip and she collapsed bonelessly onto the bed behind her, chest heaving with exertion.

I moved up so that I was lying next to her. While her nerve centers were still firing on all cylinders, I used the tips of my fingers to lightly trace swirling patterns over her sensitive skin. She giggled and shuddered convulsively at my touch.

" _Jesus_ , Edward, holding out on me much?" She leveled a teasing glare at me.

I chuckled and ruffled her tangled mop of hair.

"I'm nothing if not old-fashioned. You had to buy the cow if you wanted the milk," I smirked.

"I guess milk really _does_ do a body good. Very good. _Exceptionally_ good."

I rolled my eyes at her but mentally noted that her generous feedback was 'exceptionally good' for my ego.

"Might I get to have a go at reciprocating the goodness?" Bella asked shyly, laying a gentle palm on my stomach that was slowly creeping south. I entwined my fingers through hers, stopping its descent.

All of my alarm bells sounded. I could hardly think about Bella on her knees taking me into her mouth. Broken, mutilated flower petals sunk into the dark depths.

"I...don't think that would be a safe thing for us to try tonight," I said gently. She nodded in understanding.

"But we can still—?" Bella asked hopefully.

I let out a long breath. "We can _try_ if you think you're up for it." She nodded eagerly. Despite myself, I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Aren't you _tired?_ You had a long, emotional day yesterday and then got right on a plane and flew for over 16 hours…"

" _Two_ planes. And a boat. What's your point?" She chirped without the slightest trace of fatigue.

I shook my head in amazement. Adrenaline was powerful stuff. When she sensed my capitulation, her face lit up like the sun and she scrambled off the bed and to her feet.

"I just need a minute!" she called over her shoulder, shutting the adjoining bathroom door behind her. I heard a pained cry and a muted curse on the other side of the door and jumped to my feet.

"Bella! Are you alright?" I called anxiously from the other side of the door.

She huffed in exasperation "Fine! I'm fine! Got my hair caught in the door." I then saw the bedraggled ends of her hair caught in the door jam.

I blinked once, then again. I was doing everything I could to keep her unharmed...and the very moment she was alone, she nearly scalps herself. _The irony._ I bit back a hard, humorless laugh.

The door cracked open and she collected her delinquent hair, then just as quickly shut the door again with a loud click.

" _Please_ be careful, love," I finally said, not knowing what else to say.

I walked over to the desk picking up my mobile phone. Bella's human moment was well-timed because I needed to check in with Carlisle, who—as planned, was waiting to hear from me from his hotel room in Rio in case something went awry and he was needed.

I typed out a quick text. "Please stand by."

Carlisle replied simply with the thumbs-up emoji.

That done, I looked helplessly around the room. What else could I do to make this perfect for her? I zoomed around the room lighting candles and turned on a curated playlist of slow jams. The recently installed thermostat was set to a toasty 78 degrees.

Rifling through my bag, I saw the ziplock bag full of rose petals that Alice had packed trying to be helpful.

I tossed the bag aside untouched. Under the circumstances, I thought scattering blood-red flower remains around the room might trigger an anxiety attack, which would be the opposite of helpful.

Underneath the bag of flower petals was the black leather pouch I was looking for. To anybody unfamiliar, it probably looked like a standard-issue day planner. I unzipped it, making sure the morphine and syringe were all in order.

I briefly considered pre-loading the syringe, because in the event that it was needed, every second mattered. But that felt too much like betting against myself, and I was determined not to do that. She _needed_ me not to do that. Wasn't it enough that Carlisle flew halfway around the world for my peace of mind?

So I snapped the leather case shut and tossed it in the drawer of the bedside table with my phone and tried not to think of it again.

I straightened the bed linens before climbing under the covers, modestly pulling the duvet over myself, and waited for her. I hoped she was alright. She was taking a while even considering I had handled those particulars in vampire speed.

**BPOV**

_Way to go, Swan...er...Cullen. Reeeeal smooth getting stuck in the door like some kind of airhead. How did he not laugh at that?_ I rubbed at the tender spot on the back of my head.

I sighed, hoping the sound of the running water on full blast would disguise my anxiety.

I splashed cold water on my face and over my arms and yanked a brush through the rat's nest that was my hair.

I blanched at my reflection. Somehow, I thought 'sex hair' would be sexier _._

Why was I so nervous about this anyway? It's not like he didn't just have his face buried between my legs I thought in utter mortification. Was I really so scared of his...his...Ugh. I groaned in frustration. I couldn't even say the word in my own mind!

_It's just sex, Bella,_ I mentally coached myself. _People have been doing it for millennia. And most people think it's pretty great! So just put on your big girl panties and go out there and….take them back off again._

I took a deep breath and switched off the flow of water with a quiet screech of the knob.

I felt suddenly vulnerable standing there stark naked. And it was then that I understood why the aftermath of every love scene depicted a woman covering up with a sheet.

I rummaged through my strewn open suitcase until I found what I was looking for; a short, silky white robe. I carefully removed and discarded the French tags and slid it on over my shoulders, briefly marveling at how nice the slinky fabric felt against my bare skin.

_It's now or never,_ I thought, tugging on the ends of the narrow sash, and marched hurriedly through the door before my 30 seconds of courage expired.

On the other side of the door, Edward had been busy. The walls were flickering with the gentle glow of lit tapers placed artfully around the room. John Legend's "So High" played softly on the stereo, and he was waiting for me in bed like a bare-chested angel of sex.

I swallowed hard and tried to appear nonchalant as I approached him, sashaying my hips a little more than was probably necessary.

His eyes raked over my body appreciatively. "As always, Mrs. Cullen, you're worth the wait," he murmured. I blushed at the compliment and slid in beside him.

"So...how do you-" I was cut off by his lips on mine.

"Shhh. No more talking," he insisted in between kisses that he lavished upon the sensitive junction of my neck and shoulder. "Do you remember your safeword?" He asked, now hovering over me. I nodded solemnly.

"I _mean_ it, Bella," his voice was stern. "If _anything_ feels wrong-"

It was my turn to cut him off with a kiss. "Shh. No more talking," I held a finger up to his lips. He nodded and let out a breath. He then settled himself in between my legs, supporting his weight with one hand planted next to my ear. The other hand reached down to untie the robe and -oh!

He leaned down to take one of my nipples into his mouth. It hardened instantly against his wintry tongue, and then I felt the coolness of his fingers at the apex of my thighs. He flicked his thumb over my swollen clitoris a few times, sending a renewed trickle of lubrication to my heated flesh and making me whimper with need.

"Please, Edward. Now," I pleaded.

He took his intimidatingly long and thick phallus in his hand and guided it toward my slick folds. I could feel his entire body locking down above me. I could see his jawbone nervously clenching over and over again

"I...I love you, Bella," he said simply, then gently but firmly pushed just the head of his manhood inside me. I could feel tears prick my eyes as the freezing cold burning sensation intensified.

"Bella!" His face was twisted with worry.

"Just give me a minute," I said, blinking back the tears. He looked uncertain but nodded tensely. Soon enough, the pain had faded to a dull burn, and I signaled for him to press on.

"It's better if I do this next part quickly," he muttered, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. I pasted on a smile, not wanting him to think I was hating this and nodded my assent.

With a short jab of his hips, a harmonized visceral groan, and sharp, tearing pain, Edward broke through my barrier and fully sheathed himself inside me. I screwed my eyes shut as I tried to regain my breath, but a rogue tear slipped past my lashes.

"I can't stand to hurt you, Bella, maybe we should-"

"Do that thing with your thumb. Distract me," I ordered. I sure as hell wasn't about to let him pull the plug now!... Then his fingers were there, and the pleasure began to compete with the pain until it won out completely.

We rocked together, two pieces of the same whole, for an immeasurable amount of time. I was blissfully unaware of everything except his coal-black eyes, his hands, and the sensations coursing through my body. If the house was falling down around me, I probably wouldn't have noticed.

I felt the urgency start to build back up in my core, and then I was falling over the edge again, wracked with sobs of ecstatic joy. When my body tightened down on his, Edward finally unraveled with a frightening animalistic growl. When I opened my eyes, he had vanished from our bed.

Confused, I sat up, looking around for him, and found him lying on the floor halfway across the room. He was covered in sweat-mine, I guessed- and his chest was heaving. A hand covered his eyes and he looked like he was crying, or wanted to.

"Edward?" I whispered, my heart breaking for him. I moved to leave the bed to go to him, but I stopped, feeling sore, hollowed out, and not in control of my limbs just yet. At the sound of my voice, he returned to my side.

"Are you alright?" His voice was so gravelly he hardly sounded like himself.

"I'm perfect. Or, at least, I will be once you get in this bed and hold me. See? I _told_ you that you love me too much to hurt me." I flashed him a wide smile hoping he would hear the truth in my words.

He crawled under the covers and gathered me into his arms.

"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for this night. It's all I could have ever wanted," I snuggled down into his chest, enjoying the feel of his cool skin against my heated body,

"Thank you for this _life,_ Bella." And with that, he kissed me on the forehead, hummed my lullaby, and my heavy eyes finally gave way to sleep.

*A/N*

Welp. There you have it, the wedding night. I really hope you liked my version of things. If there's a certain line or part that stuck out to you, I'd love to hear about it. If you think I totally got it wrong, I'd love to hear why you think so. As this fic progresses, you will probably notice that I start to stick more to an EPOV. That's intentional because I don't really see the need to rewrite BD. But what I LOVE to do is fill in the gaps because SM tends to leave so much to the imagination. Oh, and if you've read this far and are wondering WTF happened to Victoria and newborn army and all that...yeah, sorry, lol, action scenes aren't really my thing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

As always, thanks for reading and reviewing! 'Til next time! Have a healthy and Happy New Year!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *A/N*
> 
> Welp. There you have it, the wedding night. I really hope you liked my version of things. If there's a certain line or part that stuck out to you, I'd love to hear about it. If you think I totally got it wrong, I'd love to hear why you think so. As this fic progresses, you will probably notice that I start to stick more to an EPOV. That's intentional because I don't really see the need to rewrite BD. But what I LOVE to do is fill in the gaps because SM tends to leave so much to the imagination. Oh, and if you've read this far and are wondering WTF happened to Victoria and the newborn army and all that...yeah, sorry, lol, action scenes aren't really my thing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and reviewing! 'Til next time! Have a healthy and Happy New Year!


	25. Chapter 25

*EPOV*

It was nearly dawn when Bella finally fell asleep in my arms. As the early morning sunlight began to filter into the room, I first noticed a slight difference in Bella's scent. My throat burned a degree or two hotter than usual.

At first, I chalked this up to the little bit of bleeding that had happened as a result of our union. But as she slept and the night turned into day, the smell of blood only got stronger.

And then I watched horror-struck as her snow-white skin began to slowly show signs of damage.

No. Oh no. Oh God, _please,_ no. She was _fine_. She was perfect, she said. _Exceptionally good_. I scoffed in disgust at how I'd patted myself on the back after she'd said that...Why didn't she tell me? She _promised_ me she would tell me!

It was an especially effective form of torture watching those pink welts—perfect impressions of my own two hands—turn an angry shade of red, then deepen into hues of blue and purple.

It was like watching a polaroid photo develop straight out of my worst nightmare. And those were only the bruises I could _see._ God only knew what the rest of her looked like under the quilt.

I clenched my fists, undecided at which one of us to be angrier with. Myself, of course, I thought bitterly. _I'd_ known how dangerous this would be even if she refused to see the peril.

What if the damage was worse than mere bruising? My anxiety spiked. She could be laying here internally bleeding to death in my arms because I was too weak to refuse her! Because I was selfish...despicable enough to try to buy her hand in marriage with my venom.

I shamefully covered my face with my hand squeezing my temples between thumb and middle finger in a grip that would have pulverized solid titanium.

Carlisle had told me he was _proud_ of me when I'd updated him that everything had gone smoothly and that his assistance wouldn't be needed. And now I had to call him back and tell him that his pride was misplaced.

Christ, what will Bella say when she sees what I've done to her? Probably nothing, I snorted with derision.

She'll lie through her teeth, _again,_ and tell me she's fine. _What bruises, Edward?_ I mocked her husky alto voice under my breath. _Oh, these? That's nothing. Hey, look! No stitches or staples in my skull this time. That's good, right?_

My phone felt about as heavy in my hand as my conscience did when I finally picked it up off the nightstand and dialed my father. He wasn't expecting another call from me. He picked up halfway through the first ring,

"Edward? What's happened?" His concern was palpable. I said nothing for a good five seconds, unsure of what even to say.

"Edward? Are you there? You're scaring me, son."

An agonized moan, "I...I thought she was fine. She said she was fine, but-"

"Bella's hurt?" He asked urgently. "How badly? I can be there in 30 minutes if I leave now."

"I'm not sure. She's sleeping now. Her vitals are stable, but the bruises, Carlisle. There are so many bruises," I said in a broken whisper. "I wasn't sure if I should wake her up to see how badly she's hurt, or let her sleep. She's got to be exhausted and jetlagged."

"Any broken bones that you can ascertain? Head or spinal injuries?"

"I don't think so. She didn't seem to have any pain or injuries when she went to sleep, but maybe she's a better actress than I gave her credit for," I finished acidly.

"From what you're saying, it sounds like she got a little banged up but will be ok. Seems very unlikely that she'd be able to sleep through a critical injury if she sustained one... unless she also has a concussion. But as you say, she didn't injure her head. For my own peace of mind, though, can you check her abdomen for any significant bruising or swelling. That could be indicative of internal bleeding."

I nodded into the phone as if he could see me. Careful not to disturb Bella, I peeled back a corner of the duvet to expose her hip and a semi-obstructed view of her torso.

I exhaled sharply in relief finding her midsection to be largely unmarked. Other than some nasty-looking stripes on her hip, none of the contusions were any worse than anything I'd seen so far.

"Her abdomen looks fine," I reported into the phone in a detached voice.

"Good! That's good!... Edward, look, I know how you must be feeling right now, son, but try not to beat yourself up-"

"With all due respect, Carlisle, you couldn't _possibly_ know how I'm feeling right now. When have you ever hurt _anybody?_ My wife looks like she's gone nine rounds with Chris Brown and it's my fault. She has my _handprints_ on her for god's sake," I hissed into the phone, trying to keep my voice down.

In a perfectly calm voice, he asked, "You really have to ask me that? Of all people, Edward, you know better than anyone the guilt and responsibility I carry for Rose's discontent in this life. Bella will heal. And under the circumstances, I think you managed as well or better than anyone could have expected…"

"As well or better? You thought this would happen and you didn't try to talk us out of this insanity?" I seethed.

"Edward, be reasonable. If she wouldn't heed your warnings, do you really think my opinion on the subject would have changed her mind?"

He must've heard the concession in my stony silence because he didn't let me answer.

"May I be frank with you? What's _insanity,_ son, is proposing marriage as terms of a business transaction! Marriage for immortality with an intercourse clause?" I could practically hear him shaking his head in incredulity. "Not one of your finer moments there, kiddo. Now, you know as well as I do that I'm not the one you're angry with. So let's cut to the chase.

"Did I think there was a good chance that you might experience some...difficulties? Of course. She's _human,_ Edward! But Esme and I never would have offered up the island if I thought she would come to serious harm. You have to know that."

"So the morphine was-"

"For _your_ peace of mind, Edward, not mine. The very same reason I'm here."

"Thank you, Carlisle. Forgive me. I was way out of line to question your intentions," I said in a calmer voice, deeply ashamed for lashing out at him.

"There's nothing to forgive. And I think Bella will say the same thing. She knew the risks and she willingly consented. You're not to blame for your strength any more than she is to blame for her human frailties. It's just something you're going to have to carefully navigate until she's been changed."

"That'll be easy...because nothing else is going to happen between us until she's immortal. Thank you again, for being here for us, Carlisle. But feel free to go home to Esme. Bella won't be in any more danger from me while we're here," I said definitively.

"Edward," his tone cautioned, "I would talk to Bella before you make any hard and fast decis-"

"What is there to talk about? I will _never_ hurt her again, and there's nothing she can say that would change my mind about that."

Carlisle sighed on the other end of the line. "Ok, Edward. Whatever you think is best."

I frowned. It was always disconcerting whenever he said that. It meant he thought I was wrong but that he didn't think I'd listen to reason.

The last time he'd resignedly used those words, I'd made the biggest mistake of my existence by pigheadedly insisting my family leave Bella behind without so much as a farewell.

"I'll be in touch," I said, ending the call.

I looked over at Bella again, still sleeping soundly. Her full lips curved into a faint smile.

The shadows along her cheekbone and curving around her shoulder darkened a shade in the short time that I'd been on the phone.

Human eyes wouldn't have noticed the subtle differences, but I could see every broken capillary within the bloodstained layers of her dermis with perfect acuity.

I jerked my head away in disgust. I was a monster, the worst kind of monster for ever having agreed to this. It was my own selfish desire to marry her, possess her, to never again have to worry about losing her to Jacob Black or someone else like him that had compromised my judgment so thoroughly.

_Not your finest moment there, kiddo._ Carlisle's generous assessment echoed in my ears. He only called me "kiddo" when I was behaving like a boy of 17, not a man of 105, I recoiled. That stung.

I sat up slightly, leaning backward through the missing chunk of headboard that had been gouged out during last night's...assault, to lean directly against the drywall.

I screwed my eyes shut, playing the night over again in my head, frame for frame. Hyperfocused on her pleasure as well as her wellbeing, my eyes had seldom left her face.

Apart from the initial penetration, any expression of pain was absent from my flawless memory. I had no explanation for her current abused state except to say that I was a loathsome monster who didn't deserve to taint the air she breathed much less share her bed. On some level, I'd always known that.

As the sun climbed higher in the sky, Bella began to stir in my arms. The rhythm of her breathing changed, but she had yet to open her eyes. As she roused, my fingers brushed weightlessly over some of the darker purple splotches on her back, wishing I could erase them.

I had been expecting her to wake up in misery from the pain that would almost certainly be catching up with her today, so the sound of her giggle caught me by surprise. "What's funny?" I murmured into her hair.

Before she could respond, the loud gurgle of her growling stomach filled the room.

"You just can't escape being human for very long," she replied with a smile in her voice. I said nothing in response, not even remotely in the mood to make small talk about inconsequentials. I could feel her gaze on me, but I kept my eyes forward, staring unseeingly at the canopy.

If there was disgust in her eyes, I couldn't bear to see it. And if there wasn't...that might enrage me even more.

Seeming to pick up on my thorny mood, she asked with uncharacteristic obtusity, "Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

"You have to ask?" I muttered in a harsher tone than I had intended. Bella's brow furrowed anxiously, her marred face twisted with concern.

I smoothed the worried "v" between her eyes with the tip of my finger. "What are you thinking?" I braced for her response.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I…?" Her unspoken question trailed off. I clenched my jaw. Leave it to Bella to assume the blame for the worst of my failures.

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth-don't try to downplay it." My tone sounded like an accusation.

"Hurt?" She squeaked. I raised an eyebrow at her. Classic Bella, I thought, here comes the denial.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion?" There was a defensive edge to her voice. "I've never been better than I am now."

I closed my eyes in frustration. Was she really going to look me in the eyes with a near shiner and try to deny any wrongdoing? I couldn't bear it.

"Stop that," I said in a clipped tone.

"Stop _what_?"

I growled in frustration, clenching my fists against the warm skin of her back. "Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this," I demanded, my voice rising a few decibels. I took a deep breath to calm the fury swelling in my chest.

"Edward!" An incensed whisper, "Don't ever say that!"

I couldn't look at her. I couldn't watch her bruised, swollen face form the words.

"Look at yourself, Bella," I gritted through my teeth. "Then tell me I'm not a monster."

My eyes snapped open anxiously at the sound of her gasp. Was she in pain?

She ran her fingers through her hair, watching uncomprehendingly as downy feathers snowed down around her.

"Why am I covered in feathers?"

I huffed impatiently. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about," I said flatly.

"You…bit a pillow? _Why?"_

Of course, she'd get hung up on that, I fumed. I took her hand, as gently as if she were made of spider silk, and stretched out her arm. "Look, Bella! Look at _that."_

To drive the point home, I splayed my fingers over the identical purple welts that marred the skin of her forearm.

"Oh," was all she said.

_Oh?_ I bellowed inside my own head. Oh, _what_? Oh...you monster. Oh... Jake was right. Oh... take me home, I'm leaving you? I waited with bated breath for what she'd say next. The longer the silence drew out between us, the further my anxiety spiraled.

If she only permitted me to say one last thing, let it be this. "I'm…" _Vile. Revolting. Unworthy. "..._ so sorry, Bella. I knew better than this. I should not have _-"_ I choked on my own revulsion. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

I threw my arm over my face, unwilling to see well-deserved disgust in her eyes, and even _less_ willing to see grace.

I felt the feather-light touch of her hand warm my arm. She spoke my name in a hushed voice as if to console.

_Grace, then._ I ground my teeth; I couldn't bear it.

"Edward?" She asked in a higher octave when I didn't respond. A stronger touch now, like being gripped by the foot of a baby bird. She pulled ineffectually at my wrist.

" _I'm_ not sorry, Edward. I'm...I can't even tell you. I'm _so_ happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f-"

If she finished that sentence, I would certainly lose what was left of my composure. "Do not say the word _fine._ If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine."

"But I _am_ ," she insisted.

"Bella," I warned. "Don't."

"No. _You_ don't, Edward," she argued in a suddenly accusatory tone.

_Anger._ Finally a rational response. I uncovered my face with my arm. Ever the masochist, there was nothing my guilty conscience desired more than to be on the receiving end of her fury. It was no less than I deserved, and at least it was a reaction I understood.

"Don't ruin this," she gritted her teeth. "I. Am. Happy." I almost laughed at the disparity between her words and her razor-sharp tone.

"I've already ruined this," I brooded.

"Ugh!" She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so _inconvenient_ to be a mental mute!"

That was the _last_ thing I had expected her to say. She loved that I couldn't read her mind, a fact that I reminded her of.

"Not today," she shook her head for emphasis.

I looked at her appraisingly. "Why?" I asked, wary now.

She clapped her hands down on my chest with a loud thwack. Normally "angry kitten Bella," as I referred to this sort of behavior, would amuse me, but I was distracted by her slight wince when her hands made contact.

"Because all of this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I _was_ perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now-well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."

And then she had the temerity to tell me I was killing her _buzz._ I rolled my eyes. When she had told me on the eve of our wedding day that I "loved a ridiculous woman," she didn't know how right she had been.

Her tone softened then. "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed..."

She prattled on about how amazing it was, how unfazed she was by the bruises, but I could barely concentrate on the words with the figurative steam building between my ears.

"Assumed?" My voice was deadly. "Did you _expect_ this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse?..."

As it turned out, like Carlisle, it would seem that Bella's faith in me only extended so far. When we hatched this agreement, she told me she believed I loved her too much to hurt her, and therefore I wouldn't. But what she really meant was that I loved her just enough not to _kill_ her?

I thought about how nervous she seemed when we first arrived here at the island. She was so tense...near hysterics in the bathroom before she joined me in the water.

I misinterpreted that as virginal nerves when really she was, _what,_ building up the courage to get maimed? By _me?_ I reeled at that. How could she?...Why would she? How could she put me _through_ that knowing how destroyed I'd be? For what? To tick off an activity from her _bucket list?_

My fists clenched convulsively at my sides. I closed my eyes, needing to get a grip on my temper before I said anything else. Mercifully, she backed off while I regained some semblance of composure. I let out a long breath through my nose.

Unnerved by her continued silence, I opened my eyes. And then… Bella's eyes softened, and her voice dropped to a husky whisper as she told me with unmistakable sincerity how wonderful and perfect she considered the previous night to be.

Her gaze dropped to her hands as blood rushed to her cheeks. She started to backpedal then, suddenly self-conscious and uncertain of what my experience had been or if I had even enjoyed myself.

I nudged her chin up to look at me.

"Is _that_ what you're worried about?" I asked, horrified.

_Enjoy_ was far too paltry a word for how well it described what it felt like to make love to my wife. It was the single most terrifying, electrifying, and ultimately gratifying experience of my entire existence! How could she doubt that?

The feel of her soft, warm body yielding to my hard, cold one was like nothing I could have imagined or prepared for. She was so _hot_ , almost painfully hot, and impossibly tight around me.

When I broke through her thin barrier, burying myself inside her, something inside me snapped, too, along with the headboard.

I needed to stop, to be still, but it was near _impossible_ to stop. Almost as impossible as it was to not drain her myself at the ballet studio. My baser instincts battled for priority with the stronger ones to protect my reason for being.

The need to protect Bella, as instinctive now as my own self-preservation, won out as it always did.

Her face twisted with pain acted like liquid nitrogen to my heated extremities. I froze in place, waiting for her to adjust or change her mind completely.

Gradually, her face had smoothed out, and her white-knuckled grip on me loosened. And then...despite all my anxiety and catastrophizing, loving Bella came as naturally as breathing.

After the initial shock wore off, it hadn't taken as much of my concentration as I'd expected to reach down and stroke her face or trail my fingers along the gentle curve of her breast. But apparently, my concentration left something to be desired I thought sourly.

Regardless of what I had done to her, that I left her doubting for one moment just how completely rapturous I felt in the warmth of her embrace was inexcusable.

Bella's downcast eyes raised to meet my gaze. I frowned, "It would seem I have more to apologize for...I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't...well, the best night of my life. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were…"

I was about to say 'hurt in the process' when her small voice broke in, interrupting me.

"Really? The best ever?" she asked in wide-eyed disbelief.

Would she ever see herself clearly? Or understand the power she wielded over me with those soulful brown eyes and that irresistible pout?

I explained to her what a powerful experience it had been for me, so much more so than even Carlisle or my brothers had led me to expect. Her expectations, she wholeheartedly agreed, had also been exceeded.

I dismissively turned my face away from her. "But that doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

Her eyes widened, incensed. Outraged, she asked if I was accusing her of dishonesty.

I admitted my suspicions that she was being less than honest with me to assuage my guilt. It wouldn't be the first time she let me off the hook too easily for my boorish behavior, and I wasn't about to let this slide, even if _she_ meant to.

Then Bella grabbed me by the chin and drew her face close to mine. Her eyes narrowed fiercely, and the set of her jaw was determined.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen…"

Her warm breath whirled in my face as she went on a furious tirade about how _happy_ she was, using the vivid imagery of every heart-stopping, death-defying moment of our short courtship to illustrate her passionately-delivered monologue.

"...Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it!"

She folded her arms petulantly across her chest. The skin between her brows creased into an angry 'v.'

I sighed. No amount of moping would erase the damage I'd caused. And dwelling on it would just ruin her experience more thoroughly than I already had.

I would just have to suck it up and try to make sure she enjoyed herself exploring the hidden pleasures of this island, rather than her husband. I vowed to do what I could to make her happy.

She smiled mischievously, and I sensed she was about to make a provocative suggestion about how to ensure her happiness. I was saved by her growling stomach. I hopped out of bed, a cloud of downy feathers drifting lazily to the floor.

"So why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" Bella patted the duvet, stirring up another plume of feathers.

At the time, I had been making love to her from behind, spooning her, while lying on our sides. I carefully curved my body into the heated juncture of hers. My hand on her hip sought the leverage to pull her even closer to me as my hips pumped rhythmically into her enticingly rounded backside.

When I felt my release coming, I braced myself with hands fisted into the sheets. I turned my face away and sank my teeth safely into the pillow under my head. My venom drenched the fabric mere inches from the flushed, fragrant skin of her neck pulsing rapidly with her sweet blood. The protective membrane was as thin as plastic wrap, but not as durable.

But this release was nothing like the ones I'd experienced by my own hand after a good many of our more heated evenings spent together.

No, this was…a detonation. The intensity of it frightened me so much that I launched myself from the bed for fear of hurting her, taking out one of the corner posts of the bed in a shower of splinters in my haste.

Flooded by emotion, sensation, and a staggering sense of relief for having avoided the catastrophes I'd agonized about since the night Bella and I got engaged, I laid sprawled out on the middle of the floor having something of a delayed-onset panic attack.

"Edward," she called out in the dark, her voice tinged with concern.

I was at her side in an instant. I took her face in my hands, "Are you alright?" I rasped, searching her face for any signs of distress.

She assured me she was perfect and drifted off almost immediately into a dreamless sleep, her warm little body hugged tightly to mine in the stone circle of my arms.

Jarred from my abstraction, I answered her finally. "I don't know if I _decided_ to do anything last night," I mused, trying in vain to shake off the dark thoughts of what might have happened. "We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you!" I added darkly.

While I quickly dressed, Bella slid her legs over the side of the bed. Her feet not quite touching the floor, she gave a little hop, staggering momentarily, and was on her feet.

She stretched her arms above her head and it was then I could see the full extent of the damage I'd done illuminated by the bright light of the morning sun. The rays seemed to point accusingly to the swaths of blue and purple now marbling her fair skin.

I gasped and turned away, another wave of revulsion washing over me.

"Do I look that hideous?" she asked, working to keep the edge out of her voice, but not quite succeeding. I was about to tell her that hideous was a word better suited for monsters like myself, but remembering my earlier resolve not to mope, I kept my thoughts to myself.

I waited expectantly, holding my breath, as she looked herself over in the mirror. Would she reconsider the grace she had shown me when she saw the totality of what I had done?

And then she groaned, low and rife with anguish. I was behind her, watching her in the mirror before she finished making the sound.

"Bella?" I asked, wondering anxiously what new injury I had inflicted.

She pointed to her hair and moaned "I'll _never_ get this all out of my hair!" plucking ineffectually at the feathers. Relief washed through me, and then I barked out a humorless laugh.

"You _would_ be worried about your hair." I plucked the white wisps out of her hair, careful not to pull her silky strands.

After a while, Bella gave up and decided to try washing it out in the shower. She wound her arms around my waist and invited me to join her. My face falling ever so slightly, I quickly extricated myself from her hold, politely declining by excusing myself to make her breakfast.

I opened my laptop and placed it on the white marble countertop next to the never-used gas range.

I watched a video of a plump brunette woman who called herself the Barefoot Contessa swirl an omelet around a frying pan.

How hard could it be? Though Bella would have to explain to me what _good_ cheese was. Was there such a thing as _bad_ cheese to a human? I quickly laid out a few strips of bacon on a skillet to fry.

Retrieving the carton of eggs from the fridge, I cracked one into a bowl, frowning at the brown shards of shrapnel floating in the clear viscous ooze of raw egg. I poured the mess out into the sink, rinsing the bowl, and tried again.

_Once more...with finesse this time, Cullen._ I was suddenly glad Bella was in the shower where she couldn't witness my blunder. If she was determined to think I was perfect at everything, well far be it for me to shatter the illusion.

I sighed. She couldn't possibly think I was perfect at everything _now,_ I thought sardonically. Suddenly the eggshell seemed like a metaphor. My shoulders sagged in defeat. Did it have to be this _one_ task in which I was humbled before her eyes? The shame licked at me like tongues of fire scorching me down to my bones.

I narrowed my eyes with renewed determination. I would not fail at _this._ With a feather-light tap on the counter, I gently cracked another egg. Holding it over the bowl, I pulled the shell apart into two neat halves.

I smiled at the golden orb sliding around the bowl. Right. Easy. I cracked two more and whisked them into a pale yellow froth.

I flipped the bacon over and the grease sizzled and spattered. A smear of hot grease landed painlessly on my forearm. I looked at it with mild disgust and wiped it away. Once the bacon was crisped to a rusty reddish-brown, I dropped the strips of bacon onto a plate lined with paper towel using tongs strictly to keep clean, not as any sort of measure to protect the armor that was my skin.

Following the instructions of the smarmy woman on my computer screen, I used the small amount of bacon grease left in the pan to cook the omelet.

_Pork fat, how bad can that be?_ The plump pink woman on the screen who vaguely resembled a pig laughed excessively at her own bad joke while her coffee-colored hair bobbed around her chin.

"I don't know, Ina, you tell me," I muttered haplessly to the screen.

Hmm, that was a decent amount of protein, but she'd need carbohydrates to keep up her energy if I was going to keep her out on the island all day. I slid two slices of bread into the toaster.

Perfect timing, I thought, as Bella padded barefoot into the room in a flattering white frock. Her dark, damp, feather-free hair hung down to hide her shoulders. I folded the omelet onto itself on a pale blue dish, concealing the bubbly orange cheese inside, and seasoned liberally with salt and pepper. I hoped it was _good_ cheese, I snorted to myself as I slid the plate in front of her with a smile.

I noted with some concern that she started shoveling eggs down her throat as if she'd just gotten out of prison.

"I'm not feeding you often enough," I muttered with dismay as I pulled up a chair to sit across the table from her.

"I was asleep," she countered, chewing on a piece of toast. She generously complimented my cooking, which pleased me no small amount. It would seem the old adage was true. You _did_ need to break a few eggs to make an omelet, I thought wryly.

We chatted amiably as she ate her breakfast, and in a shockingly short amount of time, Bella had cleared her plate and washed it down with a glass of orange juice. She placed her palms on the table as she stood, leaning in for a kiss. I was careful to kiss her back, not wanting to hurt her feelings, but I kept it brief, pulling away before either one of us could deepen the kiss.

I knew if Bella got her sweet mouth on me for more than a moment my will would crumble into dust. Total abstinence was the only way to keep her safe. I was sure she'd be angry, but angry was better than hurt, and I would _never_ hurt her again.

And that's exactly what I told her when she asked me with a heartbreakingly forlorn expression if I'd touch her again while we were there on the island.

I raised my palm to cup her cheek, my thumb ghosting over the purple shadow along her cheekbone.

"You're right," I squared my jaw, resolved. "I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Wishing you all a wonderful, restful weekend! Thank you, as always, for sticking with me this far, and especially for the incredibly kind and encouraging comments you've left chapter after chapter. I can't tell you how much your thoughtful feedback motivates me to sit down and write! Like Edward, I'm dying to know what you think. Stay safe, and be well! I'll try to get the next one up ASAP.


	26. Chapter 26

**BPOV**

Edward truly missed his calling as a tour guide. He knew _everything_ about Isle Esme and delighted in pointing out the diverse flora and fauna of the tropical paradise.

He made it a point not to hunt on the island, he explained, because of the delicate ecosystem. If the few predators that inhabited the island were preyed upon, it would upset the balance causing overpopulations of other species.

"Besides, anaconda is probably the worst tasting thing I've ever hunted," Edward made a face like a little kid who was just offered broccoli.

" _Anaconda?"_ I asked in an awed voice. " _Here_?" I looked around as if a large serpent might sneak up on me. I'd seen nature documentaries of the immense reptiles eating animals larger than I was. "Should I be worried?"

"If you were a normal person, I'd say no, they tend to populate around the inner recesses of the island. But you attract every sort of danger, so it's probably best if you don't stray too far from me," he warned.

"Aw, you mean wrestling with giant snakes isn't part of the tour? Damn!" I exclaimed, laying the sarcasm on thick.

It was probably unfair of me to give him a hard time about his relentless agenda to entertain me while also wearing me out. Over the last few days, we had hiked over what seemed like every square inch of Isle Esme.

Today, we were hacking through the jungle to get to a sunken cave on the southern tip of the island.

Because Edward was refusing to run with me these days (it was better to wear out the sex-crazed human), we didn't reach the lagoon that concealed the mouth of the cave until right around lunchtime.

As if by magic, Edward produced a romantic picnic lunch, complete with a checkered blanket from the confines of his rucksack.

"I thought you might like to try some of the local fares. Those are pamonhas. Kaure left them for you," Edward added as I palmed one of the small parcels wrapped in a corn husk. It looked very similar to a tamale. Once I had shucked off the husk, I discovered it tasted just like a tamale too.

The delicious corn cake inside was moist and delicious and I detected a hint of cheese, but the salty, white crumbles were a variety I'd never tried before. It was wonderful!

I devoured two of them and was eyeing a third, but thought it best if I didn't fill up before going swimming.

"So how far down is this cave?" I eyed the placid, murky depths with no small amount of trepidation.

"Not far. Only about 12 feet," Edward replied, picking up what was left of our picnic and stuffing it into his bag.

"I'm not sure I'm that strong of a swimmer," I admitted while stripping off the layer of clothing I had on over my bathing suit.

Noticing me start to undress, Edward turned his back to me, subtly giving me privacy, I guessed. I inwardly groaned. Privacy was the _last_ thing I wanted.

Already wearing a pair of light grey boardshorts, Edward made quick work of his t-shirt. I gawked momentarily at his impressively broad shoulders that tapered down to his narrow waist.

His shorts hung dangerously low on his hips, and I was suddenly filled with the desire to run my fingers over the two small dimples in his lower back that disappeared into the waistband of his shorts as if to point to the beauty of his powerful and perfectly sculpted gluteal muscles below.

Alice only saw fit to bequeath me with _one_ one-piece bathing suit. It was bright white; the rest were all scary string bikinis that were more string than bikini. The neckline was a steep v, and the leg holes were cut very high at the hips, almost to my waist, so high that it afforded very little coverage to my backside. I tugged self-consciously at the suit.

"Well, then it's a good thing you won't be swimming. Not for this part, anyway," Edward turned to face me then. I didn't quite understand his expression as he took in my appearance. Wistful, maybe?

"I won't?" I chirped, surprise coloring my voice.

"Nope," he said, popping the 'p.' "How long can you hold your breath?"

"Maybe 45 seconds before it starts getting uncomfortable?" I guessed. And then he crouched down so I could climb on his back.

"Good. I won't need nearly that much time," I could hear the smile in his voice. "Lock your legs around me and keep them there. I don't want to accidentally kick you if your legs come free," he explained in a gentle voice. I did as he asked, crossing my ankles just above his pelvis.

I rested my cheek against the thick cords of muscle spanning his shoulders. I was now clinging to his back like a baby koala. He reached back and petted my hair.

"Hold on tight, spider monkey! On three..."

"One...Two…"

I steeled my grip on his shoulders and took a sharp breath in, expanding my lungs as far as they would go. I nodded against him, ready.

He didn't actually say "three" before he exploded off the ground. Then my body froze with the shock of being suddenly cold, wet, and submerged.

We were diving with such speed I didn't even have time to register the pressure change in my ears. I knew we were passing through the mouth of the cave when I felt the temperature drop by several degrees. And then the force of gravity seemed to change direction as Edward swam, or rather, rocketed toward the surface.

He burst through the opaque blackness with an explosive splash of water. Edward's momentum slowed down as he breached the surface. Mine, however, did not. Like an unbelted crash test dummy, I went careening through the air, coughing and flailing until I crash-landed into the cold, hard, outstretched arms of Edward who was anxiously waiting to catch me below.

He rubbed my back in small circles as I coughed and sputtered. When my chest finally stopped burning, he looked at me with a guilty expression.

"Physics was never my favorite," he cringed. The dim light from the natural skylight in the high ceiling glinted off his teeth. "I'm sorry. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. But why didn't you just let me fall in the water? It probably would have hurt less," I said rubbing the throbbing spot on my back that had made contact against his stone arms when he caught me. The guilty look returned.

"I was trying to prevent you from falling into the water coughing as you were," he explained. "I didn't want to have to perform CPR in deep water." His voice, saturated with remorse, echoed off the cave walls.

For the first time, I took in our surroundings. It was nothing more than an air pocket in a much larger cave system. Shaped like an upside-down funnel, white light filtered in through an opening in the cratered, dome ceiling no more than 3 feet wide, and maybe 20 feet high.

"Wow! This is amazing!" I exclaimed, the words bouncing off the walls.

Edward's pale face lit up. He was never happier than when he did something to make me smile, especially if it required his vampire abilities. It was like he used them to try to make up for his lack of humanity.

I would need to have a talk with him about that. I didn't need any consolation prizes. In fact, his "otherness" was one of my favorite things about him.

"I'm so glad you approve, Mrs. Cullen," he purred, planting his lips on the curve of my shoulder. "And before you ask, I assure you there are no anacondas," he smiled against my skin, holding me tightly to his chest.

"Well I wouldn't mind if _you_ wanted to swallow me whole," I waggled my eyebrows at him.

"Bella…" his voice was full of reproach.

" _What?_ It's not like I made a joke about the anaconda in your shorts." My lips pressed tightly together, fighting the grin that threatened to spread across my face.

A growl. " _Bella!"_ And then I was spluttering again. I scrambled to keep my head above water as he dropped his hold around me and was 10 feet away before I could even blink.

" _Nice_ ," I scowled, treading water.

"Are you going to behave?" He leveled a glare at me.

"Unlikely," I smiled, water dribbling out of the side of my mouth.

Edward sighed. "Are we really going to have this argument here?"

"Why not? Instead of a cage match, it'll be a cave match." On a roll now, I was grinning freely; his lips were twitching too. And then the cave was filled with the boisterous sounds of our laughter ricocheting off the cavernous walls.

His arms were around me again. "Ridiculous woman," he growled into the skin of my throat, kissing me there. The vibrations sent a chill up my spine which he misinterpreted.

"You must be getting cold," he said, putting some space between us while still holding me afloat.

"I like the cold," I insisted, pulling myself closer to him.

"Since _when?_ " he asked in utter disbelief.

"Since you," I said simply. His breath caught audibly in his throat, and then he crushed me to his chest in a sudden embrace. After a time, and needing to breathe, I tapped him on the shoulder and he released me immediately.

Horrified, he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off with a kiss. "No apologies. I love you, too," and kissed him again on the tip of his nose.

"So...um...if we weren't going to play with anacondas," I said pointedly, "what did you plan to do with me once you brought me here?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, now I'm thinking about _leaving_ you here if you don't stop talking about anacondas," he playfully tugged the end of my ponytail.

I knew it was a joke, nothing I should get bent out of shape about. But my face couldn't help but fall a little bit as soon as he said it. Until I was changed, and maybe not even then, I wouldn't find jokes about him leaving me places particularly funny.

Edward blanched, seeming to regret the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

"Oh my god, Bella, I-I'm so sorry! That was unforgivably thoughtless. I would never-" He closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. "That was the stupidest thing I've ever said."

I put my hand on his face, wanting him to open his eyes. Eventually, he did.

"Second stupidest," I corrected with half a smile. "And I forgive you." I hoped he knew I wasn't just talking about his insensitive comment.

He nodded gravely in understanding. "Second stupidest," he agreed.

After a long moment Edward asked, "Has getting married," he looked like he was struggling for the right words, "not...helped at all to calm your fears? I know you have a somewhat jaded view of marriage, but Bella, to me marriage is _forever._ I could never...I would _never_ leave you." His tawny eyes begged me to hear the truth in his words.

"I know that," I said seriously. "And being married does help. A lot. But I think," I paused, carefully choosing my words. "These last few days of you being so upset with yourself after I've been, you know, hurt...and the physical distance you've kept from me, it's just bringing some stuff back up," I shrugged noncommittally.

Edward's eyebrows shot halfway to his hairline after I made that little confession, then his angel face crumpled with grief.

"All I want to do is make you happy, and I'm failing at every turn," his smile was sad. "What can I do?"

I knew the real answer to that would just start an argument, so instead, I said, "You can start by getting us back on solid ground. My legs are starting to go numb," I said with a laugh.

"Your wish is my command," he grinned. I giggled, thinking about the scene in Aladdin where the Genie busts Aladdin, his monkey, and the magic carpet out of the Cave of Wonders. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that _my_ genie wanted to grant all of my wishes, forever.

I started to scramble around to his back when his arms tightened around me.

"I think I better hang on to you this time," he smirked. I looked at him in confusion. "I can manage with one arm to swim," he explained, crossing my legs behind his back this time. This brought my thinly covered core in alignment with his groin. We both groaned at the contact.

"For the love of all that's holy," Edward gritted through his teeth. "No funny business, Bella. I mean it! I'd rather this didn't turn into a rescue mission. My CPR certification from the Red Cross expired about 60 years ago," his velvet voice was stern and his brow was furrowed.

"Scout's honor!" I held up the three-fingered salute.

"You were never a Girl Scout..." One perfect eyebrow arched in suspicion.

"Hmm..that's true. I guess my honor can't be trusted then," I cackled and pressed my hips lightly into his.

He growled but didn't loosen his hold. "You're incorrigible."

"Yup," I grinned. "And you're stuck with me."

Edward's smile mirrored mine, then. "However will I cope?" he asked, his expression was utterly content. He kissed me then, soft and lingering. And before I could get any other ideas, his mouth pulled away but he left his forehead pressed to mine. "Ready to go, Mrs. Cullen?" His breath tasted sweet on my tongue.

I nodded my head against his.

"On three.." he repeated the cue. "One...Two...

I sucked in a chestful of air, and since I wouldn't need both hands to hold on this time, I pinched my nose shut.

Already wet and cold, Edward cutting powerfully through the water as gracefully as a marlin came as less of a shock this time. And when we broke through the surface on the other side, the arm that was locked rigidly around my back held me firmly in place against his chest.

The chill of his wintry skin pierced the thin lycra of my swimsuit, pebbling my nipples into hard peaks against his chest. Edward's breath stuttered in his chest. Knowing his rebuff was imminent, I seized the opportunity to smash my lips into his while grinding my hips against his growing desire.

For the briefest of seconds, Edward kissed me back. I felt him stiffen against me, and then he was gone. My arms ached at the loss of him. I bobbed around the water looked for him, but it was as if he had vanished.

I paddled toward the edge of the lagoon, and as I was about to scrabble out of the water onto the bank, a sparkling white hand appeared in front of me. I reached for him, and when I looked up, his beautiful face was blocking out the sun giving him a halo-like effect. That, combined with his sparkling skin made me wonder if maybe I died and went to heaven.

Edward pulled me out of the water with ease and wrapped an oversized beach towel around my shoulders.

"I think that's probably enough cave spelunking for one day," he said, my favorite crooked smile flashing across his face.

My mind being the gutter it was, I blushed and laughed in earnest. "You make it too easy, sometimes, Mr. Cullen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shortie bonus chapter to cap off your weekend. I had fun going off book for this one. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Your feedback seriously makes my day. Be well! Will try to have a new chapter up soon.


	27. Chapter 27

**EPOV**

My least favorite part of the day on the island was waiting for Bella to get ready for bed. I never thought I'd say this but, Christ alive, how I missed her shapeless, tatty old sweats!

Every night she would shower and dress for bed (if you could call it that.) And then I would have to sit there in our bed pretending to read while she pranced through the door in one salacious scrap of satin or lace after the next and somehow pretend to remain unaffected.

And if only it stopped at the lingerie! Bella was getting desperate. Today, she curiously slipped out the back door while I was on the phone arranging for the cleanup crew to come the following day. I quickly wrapped up the call and went to look for her.

I didn't have to follow her scent to find her sunbathing on the beach, stark naked. A feral snarl rumbled from my chest. Did she have some kind of a death wish?

Bella's eyes were closed. Her pale figure was accentuated by the contrasting darkness of the navy blue towel she was lying on. She must have sensed my presence as my shadow fell across her upturned face.

Bella opened her eyes and drew her hand to her face to block out the blinding sun.

She looked up at me, her doe eyes widening innocently, but the corner of her mouth curled into a knowing smirk. I glared at her.

" _What?_ You wouldn't want me to get tan lines, would you?" Her voice was full of derision.

I said nothing, just growled through my clenched teeth.

She closed her eyes again and jutted her chin out. "Edward, if you don't like the view, you can go back inside."

It was going to be like _that,_ was it? I dropped a bottle of sunscreen in the sand next to her towel, turned on my heel, and left her to her sun. Her disappointed sigh cut like a knife as I stalked off.

The creak of the bathroom door drew me from my abstraction. The door opened more slowly than usual. Behind it, her heart was thudding away. She must be nervous, I thought. I tightened my grip on the book that was open in my lap and kept my eyes on the page, willing my brain to make sense of the words.

Bella took two short steps into the room and cleared her throat as if I hadn't noticed her presence. As if I could _ever_ not notice her.

I steeled myself for whatever fresh hell this was. I pretended to finish the paragraph I was on and then raised my gaze to meet hers.

In spite of myself, my eyes popped open at the sight of her. She looked like sex personified in the racy black chemise that left very little to the imagination.

The supple swell of her pale breasts was visible over the scalloped, heart-shaped neckline. Her hip jutted out to one side, showing off the feminine curve of her bare backside, just barely covered up by the ruffled lace skirt. In effect, making her smooth, shapely legs appear miles long.

She did a little twirl, showing off in 360-degrees all that I was missing out on. I made my face look as neutral as I was capable of.

"What do you think?" she asked, biting her lip.

"You look beautiful. You always do," I said automatically.

Maybe I had it right that first day in biology class. Maybe she _was_ an evil temptress from my own personal hell, bent on destroying me. Because that's exactly what would happen when I lost control and tore that scrap of lace from her body and showed her what I _really_ thought of it.

She climbed into bed next to me and I drew her into my arms. Furious with her as I was, I still couldn't stand to not be near her. Why was she _doing_ this to me? Did she think it was _fun_ for me to refuse her?

It seemed no matter _what_ I did I was hurting her. If I caved, I could and probably would hurt her again. That was unfathomable to me. However, when I refused her, I could see the emotional toll it was taking on her to endure the spirit-crushing sting of rejection over and over again.

I hadn't turned a deaf ear to what she'd said in the cave. The very last thing I wanted to do was trigger memories of that black time, but what could I do? Keeping a distance obviously was making matters worse, but when I made efforts to be affectionate, it ultimately turned into another instance of rejection.

"I'll make a deal with you," she said, stifling a yawn.

My eyes clenched shut. "I will not make any deals with you." _I don't negotiate with terrorists,_ I mentally added.

"You haven't even heard what I'm offering," she stubbornly pushed.

"It doesn't matter," I insisted.

"Dang it...and I really wanted...Oh well." She flexed.

My eyes narrowed. What a dangerous creature she was. This was it; the moment I'd always dreaded. I knew when she recognized and asserted her power over me, I'd be helpless to do anything about it. Emmett would call me "whipped," as if _he_ were one to talk. I rolled my eyes.

Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi bellowed in my head, _It's a trap!_

But what if it wasn't? I waffled. What if there was something else I could be doing to make her happy? In that department, I was failing miserably in every other meaningful way.

"Alright. What is it you want?"

Her jaw clenched, not a good sign.

"Well, I was thinking...I know the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but…"

She started rambling about how one semester of college wouldn't kill her, and what a kick Charlie would get out of her college adventures.

"Eighteen...nineteen... It's really not such a big difference…"

Was I _hearing_ this right?

"You would wait? You would stay human?" I asked, not bothering to hide the longing in my voice.

_Time._ She was tempting me with _time,_ the one and only thing I was desperate for more of. Precious time, if only I would... _risk every last minute I had left._ She wanted me to barter her safety, jeopardize her life-and by extension mine, for more sex? _Why?_

The dam broke. "Why are you _doing_ this to me?" I moaned. "Isn't it hard enough without all of this?" I bridled, grabbing a fistful of the lace that draped over her thigh. Her body tensed and her pupils dilated, a bodily response to fear. _Cool it, Edward. You're scaring her._ It took all the restraint I had, but I relaxed my hand on her thigh.

"It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."

Bella dug in her heels. "I want to go to college."

"No, you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you." Still reeling from having the future possibility of a college-aged and _human_ Bella dangled in front of me, it was a reminder to myself as well as to her.

Then she went on to explain that college wasn't what she wanted as much as she wanted to stay human awhile longer. I closed my eyes and focused on her heartbeat to slow down my accelerated breathing. Why was she trying to convince me that she should stay human as if I were the obstacle to that goal?

"You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"

She blushed and looked suddenly sheepish when she told me she had a reason to be human that she didn't have before. I asked her to enlighten me.

"Guess," she purred, angling herself closer to me so she could kiss me. I kissed her back, unwilling to refuse her more than absolutely necessary. I pulled away, chuckling. And here I thought _I_ was the addict in the relationship. Bella had had a small taste of oxytocin and she was hooked.

Pulling her closer to me, I teased, "You are _so_ human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones."

She put up another argument about how she didn't want to wait for years of being a ravenous newborn for her sexuality to return to her, and then she yawned. _Thank heaven._

"You're tired. Sleep, love." I began to hum her lullaby, hoping she'd succumb to sleep and spare me from having this same argument for the hundredth time.

Eventually, Bella did fall asleep, after startling me with the information that while she's been sleeping like the dead, she's been having nightmares about the Volturi. Though, when she was telling me about it, I got the sense that she was leaving something out.

I frowned at that. What could be happening in that beautiful brain of hers that she wouldn't want me to know about? I was left to ponder that as Bella drifted off to sleep in my arms.

When her heart settled into a slow and steady patter, I blew out a breath. Today was a challenge from start to finish. I could have done so many things better, I thought critically. Bella deserved better, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to stay upright on the tightrope I'd been walking.

I thought of her stunt on the beach today. Did she have the slightest concept of what it did to me to see her laid out bare and radiant in the sun? I wanted to devour her! The swell of Bella's breast, the curve of her hip, the hint of her soft mound at the juncture of her slightly parted thighs...What I wouldn't have given to just take her right there!

One thing was clear, if I kept refusing her, I was going to drive her to dangerous extremes. I was suddenly very grateful for the fact that she couldn't sneak up on me, and that I didn't need sleep.

I gazed down at her lovely face, peaceful as she slept, with the ghost of a smile on her lips. All of the sunshine from the past week had coaxed out a dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose, spilling adorably onto her cheeks. I wanted to kiss each one, but I settled for counting them. She always looked younger when she slept, but the freckles made her look almost childlike.

I sighed anxiously. I saw no way around the impasse we were currently stuck in. The bruises may have faded from her skin, but they were tattooed on the back of my eyelids. I saw them every time I closed my eyes.

Though she did it with the best of intentions, every time Bella attempted to hide the marks with her clothes or her hair, it sickened me, like she was some domestic violence victim hiding the evidence of her abuse.

I had been so confident when I told Carlisle that I simply wouldn't allow any more risky behavior. And if her anger was the only consequence, I could have lived with that. But every time I pulled away from her, I saw the hurt she tried so hard to hide. It was unbearable.

I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Please, _please_ just be a little more patient," I pleaded in her ear, my voice too low to possibly wake her. "I can't bear to hurt you anymore than I already have. Please don't ask me to." I gently kissed her forehead.

9,420 beats of her heart later, Bella woke with a startled gasp. Another nightmare, I feared.

"Bella? I whispered. Her heart was thrumming in her chest that heaved with the labor of her breathing. Her eyes were open, but she didn't seem fully awake. I shook her gently. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

Bella gasped again and then burst into tears. "Bella!" I called, frightened by the intensity of her sudden grief. "What's wrong?" I tried to wipe away her tears, but they wouldn't be stopped.

"It was only a dream," she sobbed. The abject misery in her voice tore at my silent heart. I rushed to soothe her, murmuring assurances in her ear as I rocked her. "It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here."

I asked her if she had another nightmare and assured her it wasn't real. Then, to my utter bewilderment, she sniffled that it hadn't been a bad dream, but a good one.

"Then why are you crying?" I asked with nervous-sounding laughter in my voice.

"Because I woke up!" Bella threw her arms around me and sobbed into my throat.

I didn't know what to make of that. Was my wife's reality here with me so horrible that waking up from her dreams had her in hysterics? Had I broken her that thoroughly? I patted her gently on the back trying to calm her.

"It was so real," she hiccuped. "I _wanted_ it to be real." The longing in her voice was heartbreaking.

"Tell me about it," I encouraged, "Maybe that will help." What was it that she wanted so desperately? If there was _anything_ in my power to help ease the pain in her voice, I would do it.

"We were on the beach…" She began, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out.

"And?" I urged.

"Oh, Edward…" Her voice cracked then, she started heaving with sobs. I couldn't remember a time when I felt more helpless than when she cried in my arms like that. I _begged_ her to tell me.

And then she caught me completely off guard when she crushed her lips to mine. That's when it started to click what her dream must've been about.

I thought it would kill me to do it, but I carefully pushed Bella away, telling her no. I was intensely worried about what the rejection would do to her already fragile mental state.

And then her arms dropped from around me as if I had burned her, and her entire body sagged, quaking with a fresh round of sobs.

"I'm s-s-s-orry," she choked out. Her whimpered apology broke me down to my core.

I held her tightly to my chest. "I can't, Bella, I can't," I pleaded with her to understand, but my will was crumbling.

"Please, Edward?" Bella whispered, hot tears pooling at the tip of her nose and chin tumbled onto my chest with a wet splat.

Bella pleading with me was the end of my resolve. With a low groan, I pulled her face back to mine and gave in to my forbidden desires. _Anything_ to make her pain stop.

Sensing my surrender, Bella kissed me back with renewed vigor, and climbed onto my lap, straddling me. She moaned when she felt my obvious reaction to her pressing against her naked backside. I peppered soft kisses down one tear-stained cheek, along the underside of her jaw, to the sensitive hollow behind her ear. I could taste the saltiness of her tears on her skin.

It wasn't long until her sniffles and hiccups turned into whimpers and sighs of another kind.

Perched on me the way she was, her breasts were perfectly at eye level, an opportunity I couldn't let pass. For the second time that night, I gripped a handful of her nightie, but this time, I ripped it clean off her body. She let out a little shriek of surprise that was cut off by a throaty moan when my mouth found her taut nipple.

My hands traveled down her body, memorizing her supple curves, and finding a soft place to land on the rounded, fleshy, cheeks of her bottom. I squeezed them appreciatively, drawing another moan from Bella.

Her hands were everywhere. Gripping tightly in my hair, holding onto my shoulders, and once she placed her hands on my face, jerking my chin up to look at her and kissing me with a passion-a need-I'd never felt from her before.

It took all my leftover concentration just to remember to be gentle.

Bella took the lobe of my ear between her teeth and I groaned in approval.

"You're wearing too many clothes," she whispered huskily into my ear. I tapped on her hips, meaning for her to raise up. With more room to move, I whipped my pajama pants and boxer briefs over my hips and down my legs in one smooth motion where they fell forgotten in a heap on the floor.

With Bella kneeling over me like that, I couldn't help but to scoot further down the mattress, wrap my arms around her thighs, and pull her down until her soft folds hovered just over my mouth.

It would be dangerous for her if she moved around too much that close to my teeth, so I tightened my grip, immobilizing her from the waist down, and eagerly set out to please her with my mouth.

The taste of her was even better than I remembered now that she wasn't briny from swimming in the ocean, just pure Bella. I moaned into her sex, never wanting this to end. I could feel her body tensing over me. Her hips tried in vain to buck against my eager mouth, but I held her motionless above me.

"Please, Edward," she begged. "I want you _now."_

"Uh, Uh, Uhhh, Bella," I chastened seductively. "You wanted this, now you're going to have to wait until I've had my fill." She screamed in ecstasy as I ravished her, greedily lapping up every drop of her essence. I dragged a finger through her moisture before slowly entering her with one, then another of my fingers.

As I clamped my lips around her swollen bundle of nerves and sucked, her muscles constricted around my fingers. Head thrown back, she let out a feral cry as she was overtaken by her sudden release. I didn't let up until she wilted in my arms, exhausted.

Would that be enough for her, I dared to hope.

"Just give me a minute to catch my breath," she said breathlessly. My jaw tightened. Apparently not.

A minute or two later, I found myself below Bella again, although this time her swollen heat was poised over a different-albeit equally eager-part of my anatomy.

I folded my hands behind my head, safely away from her.

"Carefully now, Bella. Don't hurt yourself," I cautioned as she began to sink down on my shaft. I held very still, locking my hips in place and groaning deeply as her molten core engulfed me inch by blistering inch.

Bella's face screwed up in concentration, adjusting to my girth. I waited perfectly still until her hips began to slowly rock against mine, balancing herself with her warm hands pressed against my chest.

Not trusting my control, I didn't dare thrust up into her, just barely rocked my hips against hers, meeting her movements gently in the middle.

"Oooh, Edward!" She gasped, as she took all of me. Then her eyes opened; meeting my worshipful gaze, she frowned slightly.

I froze. "What's wrong?" She reached down and tugged at one of my elbows, still folded behind my head.

"Touch me, Edward. Please, touch me. I want you to. I'll tell you if it's too hard," she promised. I frowned, having heard that once before. Unable to refuse her anything now, I acquiesced.

I put my hands on either side of her, barely grazing the skin of her hips as she rocked over me. She was awkward at first, but as her comfort grew, so did her confidence.

My right hand slid across her taut, but still soft abdomen to where our bodies were joined. Using my thumb, I delicately circled the swollen, glistening bud that peaked out from between her soft folds.

She threw her head back at this attention and doubled her efforts to impale herself on the smooth marble hardness of my arousal.

Feeling my own release approaching, I leaned up to take a nipple in my mouth while I rubbed her just a bit faster.

This new angle seemed to agree with her, as she moaned low in her throat and bounced on me with abandon.

The sounds she was making...the sounds _we_ were making, drove me mad with desire for her—bodies slapping together then pulling apart with a wet sucking sound as her body gripped mine, seeking to consume.

Then, as I drew my tongue across Bella's other nipple, she sank down on me one last time, her body quaking as she climaxed. Her tightening muscles and the wild shriek that tore from her lungs was enough to send me over the edge.

I laid back on the bed, removing my hands and mouth from her body, and locked my hips into place as I emptied myself into her depths with a loud, satisfied grunt.

As my wits came back to me, I wrapped my arms around her, gently lifting her off my still painfully hard erection, and curled her into the side of my body, covering her with a quilt.

Bella snuggled into me, laying her head on my chest and slung an arm across my torso. I kissed her head as she hummed contentedly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry," she whispered into the dark, exhaustion seeping into her voice.

"Two phrases that should never leave your mouth after we make love," I tsked and kissed her hair again. "I love you. And _I'm_ sorry."

She giggled then, her hand gripping my erection over the tented quilt. I sucked in a breath through my teeth at the unexpected contact; we both froze.

"Sorry!" Bella cringed, immediately releasing her grip. "No surprises, I forgot…I just...you haven't had enough..."

While Bella had a renewed interest in staying human, I had to admit I was a little more eager for her immortality. I didn't think I'd ever get enough of her, and I couldn't wait until I could love her with equal abandon.

I smiled into her hair. "I'll never get enough of you, it's true. But you're tired, love. You should sleep. We're gonna have to get up early if we're going to see—"

"Nooo! No more hiking. I want to stay in bed and watch movies," she grumbled petulantly.

I chuckled and tightened my arms around her. "Whatever you want, sweetheart." I felt her warm, soft lips kiss my chest in reply just before her breathing evened out. I sighed, picked up the discarded book from earlier, and went back to counting her heartbeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It always bugged me that SM glossed over so much of the honeymoon. She covered like an entire week of their trip in one or two paragraphs. (Not to mention the fade-to-black sex scenes.) So I'm having fun fleshing it out a bit more (if you'll pardon the pun. X-D ) I hope you've enjoyed this latest installment. Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing! Until next time! 


	28. Chapter 28

*EPOV*

I watched Bella even more intently than I usually did as she slept that night. I stared at what was left of the fading yellow bruises as if they were inkblots from a Rorschach test, almost daring them to darken in color. To my extreme relief, they never did.

She slept more soundly that night than she had since we arrived on the island if the talking was any indication.

" _Edward_ ," a breathy sigh. "More... _Edward. I love you."_

I hugged her tighter to my chest and kissed her hair, a smile twisting at the corners of my mouth. I'd never tire of that. Emmett razzed me mercilessly about how "lame" it must be to spend 30% of my day watching someone sleep, especially someone whose mind I couldn't read.

What Emmett couldn't possibly understand was that Bella's mind was like a puzzle to me. I was always looking for the jagged little pieces that helped me form the full picture. Hearing her unconscious mind speak out loud was like...finding an edge piece. That first time she said she loved me? A corner piece. I would dearly miss her nocturnal mumblings when she would no longer sleep.

I laid there with my wife soft and warm in my arms and allowed myself to dream about all the ways we would fill those extra hours when she was immortal, unbreakable, and never tired.

Even better than I could have hoped for, this newfound ability to satisfy her without hurting her might stall her transformation, at least for a little while. I was suddenly filled with hope.

That exultant feeling was dampened by another thought. _College boys,_ I grimaced. And I'd only just gotten rid of Jacob Black, I thought sourly.

That Bella was a married woman would be something of a deterrent, I hoped. However, knowing the minds of fraternity-rushing, alcohol-abusing, STD-spreading college-aged males as well as I did...I doubted it.

I wondered if Bella would want me to attend courses with her, or if she would prefer her college experience to be free of distractions.

I grappled with the idea that it could be much harder to keep a protective eye on her on a campus the size of Dartmouth's if we were studying in different departments.

_Way to put the cart before the horse, there, Cullen._ Regrettably, I never agreed to her deal before she, er, _persuaded_ me with her tear-filled pleas.

Bella began to stir then. Without waking, she pulled the quilt all the way up to her ears. She must be getting cold, I thought with concern.

I quietly slipped out from underneath her, carefully sliding a pillow under her head. Bella's brow furrowed and she made the cutest little pout as if protesting my absence even in unconsciousness.

With the lightest of touches, I smoothed the worried creases from her forehead and hummed a few bars of her lullaby. Her expression relaxed almost immediately. Minutes later, Bella's breathing had evened back out and her eyelids twitched in the conclusion of another REM-cycle.

As the sun began to rise, I wasn't overly surprised when Bella didn't wake at her normal hour. She did have a late night, after all. But as I watched the hands of the clock tick past 9 am, then 10, I began to worry.

By eleven, I was irrationally wondering if it were possible to have inadvertently started her transformation by means of our earlier exchange of fluids. However, I reasoned that if that were true, she'd be the only vampire in history to sleep through the agonizing change. Oh, if only it could be that easy for her!

Finally, Bella began to rouse. I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what she would have to say for herself after last night's emotional blitzkrieg.

"How much trouble am I in?" Bella's voice was small, apprehensive.

"Heaps," I said wryly but flashed her a half-smile.

I wasn't angry with her. Perhaps I should've been, but it was hard to be angry with her when she had been right all along. _With a little practice..._ she'd said.

"I _am_ sorry," Bella said sincerely. "I didn't mean...Well, I don't know exactly what that _was_ last night." She shook her head in wide-eyed incomprehension.

"You never did tell me what your dream was about," I mused.

Bella blushed and alluded to it being a sex dream.

"Oh." _Of course!_ It seemed all too obvious now. Nothing else would have explained what she wanted with such acute desperation, except for the one thing I was obstinately refusing to budge on. "Interesting," I blinked.

It had only taken the tears of a girl who weighed 110-pounds soaking wet to not only budge an immovable, supernaturally strong vampire...but to bend me completely to her will.

And then I berated myself for looking forward to the day when Bella's tears would never fall. I couldn't help it; I never wanted to feel that helpless again.

She moved to sit up, wobbled unsteadily, and then fell back into the pillows. Bella was not a spectacularly coordinated person, but she didn't usually have _this_ much trouble. I hoped she wasn't ill.

I wrapped my arms around her, noting that her skin didn't feel feverish, just warm from sleep.

"You slept for a long time. Twelve hours." I didn't think it was necessary to tell her about my mini-panic attack about changing her with my fluids. Though I devised a plan to purchase a box (or 5) of condoms when I went to the mainland to hunt after Bella went to sleep tonight.

" _Twelve?"_ She balked. Bella surreptitiously inspected her body for damage, letting out a relieved gust of air when she found none.

"Is the inventory complete?" I asked with a teasing smile. Bella nodded ruefully, noting the intact condition of the pillows. I gave her a rundown of the other casualties after she asked, the bedframe and her evil temptress costume.

I bit back a laugh as she surveyed the damaged headboard as if she hadn't borne witness to it.

"You'd think I would have heard that," she said with a dumbfounded expression.

"You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved."

I remembered with crystal clarity just how unobservant Bella had been, her head thrown back and her eyes screwed shut as she rode my hips to oblivion. The splintering headboard had done nothing to break her concentration as she chased her pleasure.

"I was a bit absorbed," she admitted, blushing all the way up to her hairline.

I sighed wistfully, brushing the apple of her cheek, red as its namesake. "I'm really going to miss that."

Bella looked at me then, somewhat warily. "How are _you_ feeling?"

I laughed at her guilty expression. "You look so guilty-like you've committed a crime."

"I _feel_ guilty," she admitted anxiously.

"So you seduced your all-too-willing husband. That's not a capital offense."

Bella grimaced. "The word _seduced_ implies a certain amount of premeditation," she muttered.

To be honest, I was surprised that _seduced_ was the word she took issue with. Up until the barrage of her tears, "all-too-willing" was not a phrase I would have used to describe myself.

"Maybe that was the wrong word," I acknowledged.

"You're not angry?" She asked with a puzzled expression.

"I'm not angry." _At you,_ I mentally qualified. I was furious with myself that not only had she come to expect my anger but that I'd obviously made her afraid of it.

I went on to explain that I couldn't be angry with her when she had been right. Much like cracking eggs- learning my limits, and controlling the excesses were all a matter of practice.

She didn't bother to hide her boastful smile when she said "I told you so."

Stomach growling, she then set out to make herself some breakfast. Eggs _again_? I pointed out the irregularity of how many cartons she'd polished off in the last week.

"Weird," Bella agreed. "This place is messing with my appetite."

As well as her sleep patterns, her balance, and wild fluctuations in her mood, I mentally ticked off the subtle changes. If I didn't know any better, I'd think...and then I shook off the thought. That would be impossible for her as long as she was with a soulless, lifeless creature such as myself I thought miserably.

"We'll probably have to leave soon, though, won't we, to make it to Dartmouth in time?" Bella asked, dunking a piece of toast into the runny egg yolk and ravenously shoving it into her mouth.

I sighed, sitting down next to her. "You can give up the college pretense now-you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal, so there are no strings attached."

Bella snorted and teasingly informed me that unlike myself, she didn't spend all her time plotting. I laughed in earnest when she impersonated me, overscheduling her activities so that she would be too tired for anything else by the time we returned by nightfall. Guilty as charged.

"I really do want a little more time being human." Wandering fingers traced down my chest. "I haven't had enough."

I thought I'd tried everything, offered _everything_ to interest her in staying human. College, traveling the world, having more time with her parents and friends...

"For _this_?" I asked in disbelief, catching her hand and twining my fingers in between hers.

"You are _so_ human," I said with a teasing smile, rolling my eyes with put-on exasperation.

After a beat, I asked, "We're going to Dartmouth? Really?" I tried to contain the excitement in my voice.

"You're going to love college," I promised after she expressed concerns about failing out.

Honestly, it never made sense to me why such a brilliant girl who loved to read and learn as much as Bella did would have such strong reservations about going to university. I suspected it had more to do with me and her irrational fears of getting older rather than any true reflection of her feelings about attending a school of higher learning.

We chatted about the logistics of moving to New Hampshire. Bella worried out loud about finding a place to live in such a short timeframe. It was then that I admitted that we already had a house there, _just in case_ , I amended. She arched a suspicious eyebrow at me but said nothing. This pleased me to no end.

Months ago, this news would have engendered an almighty fit from her. She would have kicked and screamed, figuratively speaking, and insisted on paying her share of the rent. A sidelong glance was a far cry from that; I'd take it and be glad.

When I mentioned the possibility of seeing Charlie before we left for New Hampshire, and spending Christmas with Renee, her face turned contemplative. I badly wanted to ask what she was thinking about, but I left her to her thoughts.

"So I was thinking..." she began. I smiled; it seemed Bella was reading _my_ mind. "You know what I was saying about practice before?"

I chuckled, surprised by the turn our conversation had taken. "Can you hold that thought?" I interrupted, holding up one finger. "I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here. Let me explain the mess in the room to Gustavo."

Bella went to go relax on the couch while I went to answer the door. _Christ,_ how was I going to explain the destruction to Gustavo?

I opened the door with a warm smile and gestured for them to come inside.

Gustavo's wife, Kaure, took one look at me and blanched.

_Libishomen!_ Her thoughts screamed, and she cowered slightly behind Gustavo. Her thoughts were even more frantic when, not wanting to appear rude, I introduced Bella as my wife. Kaure looked back and forth between me and Bella and thought of what sounded like a prayer in the tongue of her native Ticuna.

I quickly led them through the house, pointing out the kitchen, bathroom, and finally the master bedroom. They were at least polite enough not to say anything _out loud_ about the devastated room covered in a thin layer of snowy white feathers.

As I explained to them about the, ah, vandalism that had occurred when someone had "broken in and robbed us," Gustavo nodded brusquely and asked no further questions. I excused myself, and let them get to it.

Missing nothing, Bella furtively asked about Kaure's fearful countenance. I explained to her about Kaure's native heritage and her suspicions.

"She looked terrified," Bella observed.

"She is-but mostly she's worried about you. She's afraid of why I have you here, all alone," I smirked, answering the questioning look on Bella's face.

I was suggesting she pick out a movie for us to watch when Bella reached her arms up around my neck and pulled me down for a kiss. I wrapped my arms around her and straightened up leaving her bare feet dangling above the pale balsa wood floors.

"Movie, schmovie," she breathed, curling her fingers into my hair and scratching her fingernails deliciously along my scalp as I loved my way down her carotid artery, savoring the floral scent of her sweet blood within.

I heard quiet footsteps approaching, but I couldn't find it within me to care when I had Bella in my arms that way. Kaure's horrorstruck gasp cut through the quiet like a knife. I muttered a low oath and set Bella down on her feet. Kaure stuttered out an apology, though I assured her there was no need. She nodded stiffly and continued down the hall with the sack of feathers thrown over her shoulder.

Bella handed me a DVD case, the musical, _Oklahoma!_ I smiled in approval and went to put it in the player while she cozied up on the couch.

Taking my place next to her, I pulled her into my arms.

"Will we move back into the white room now?" Bella asked curiously. I made a joke about Esme letting us come back if we limited the destruction to one area of the house.

Bella's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas Day. "So there will be more destruction?"

I cupped the side of her face, losing myself in the liquid umber of her eyes, shining with excitement. "I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again," I said, an amused chuckle rumbling from my chest.

Bella nodded. "It would only be a matter of time," she agreed offhandedly.

Gustavo and Kaure worked quietly and methodically throughout the house as we pretended to watch the singing and dancing on the widescreen TV.

Bella fidgeted impatiently as my fingers touched her in every possible way that was polite for company. I traced patterns along the bare skin of her arms, massaged the tension from her hands and shoulders. Then, hooking my hands over her shoulders, I slid the palms of my hands over the defined bones of her clavicle, cooling the flushed skin of her chest. She sighed contentedly at the contact.

I loved how responsive she was to my touch. Every small touch or caress elicited some small reaction. Goosebumps, a skipped heartbeat, a sharp inhale. Her body couldn't hide the fact that she loved my touch almost as much as I loved to touch her, and the knowledge of that elicited a strong reaction of my own.

Sitting between my legs and leaning against my front, Bella strained against me, feeling my arousal. It was a fortunate position to be in when Gustavo's heavier footsteps entered the room.

Bella startled at his entrance and looked hilariously _unnatural,_ her skin flaming red and looking anywhere but at Gustavo. I bit back a smile as Gustavo informed me, using minimal eye contact, that they had finished. I thanked him profusely and directed him to take the substantial envelope I'd left out on the table in the foyer. With a slight nod of his head, he let himself out. The poor, petrified Kaure was already halfway to the boat.

"So that would mean we're alone now?" Bella asked seconds after the door clicked shut.

The heat of the moment somewhat abated and hearing the telltale signs of her stomach growling too quietly for her to hear, I asked if she'd like to eat lunch first. I could be patient. She was going to need her strength for what I had in mind.

She seemed to mull it over, then bit her lip abashedly.

"How would you like your eggs?" I teased, leading her to the kitchen.

Cleaning the plate of her bacon and cheese omelet, Bella groaned and leaned back in her chair, a hand resting on her stomach. "This is getting out of hand."

I smiled widely, tickled that she enjoyed my cooking so much. And under her watchful gaze, I didn't even waste any eggs this time.

When she was finished, I asked if she'd like to go for a swim with the dolphins to burn off calories-not that I thought she needed to.

"Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories." She bit her lip and looked up at me through her dark lashes.

"And what was that?" I could guess, but I wanted to hear her say it.

"Well there's an awful lot of headboard left-" _That'll do._ I swooped her up into my arms and cut her off with a kiss before she could get the rest of her sentence out. I carried her to the blue room somewhere approaching the speed of sound.

**BPOV**

I laid breathlessly under Edward as he divested me of my clothes. I was going to have to give him a hard time about how many outfits he'd torn off me, but I couldn't think about that now when he was…

" _Ohhh_ ," I breathed, as Edwards icy tongue dipped into the hollow of my collar bone.

I grasped at his polo shirt, and he momentarily pulled away from me so I could pull it over his head. Edward's eyes blazed black as midnight, and his hair was a little mussed by the passing of his collar. I reached my arms around his neck and pulled myself up to him.

He kissed me feverishly. My lips, my throat, the shell of my ear all tingled with the lingering feel of his lips on my skin.

" _Wait...wait!"_ I gasped, trying and struggling to keep a clear head.

"What for?" His voice was gravelly with his need. The sound of it made my blood race in my veins.

Edward had been an amazingly attentive lover, and I wanted the chance to reciprocate in any way he'd let me. I put my hands on his shoulders and gave him a light shove. Like I knew he would, he gracefully rolled off of me and landed on his back at my side with a small frown.

"Did I do something wrong?" Edward's brow creased.

"No, no..it's just..if you kept doing that, I'd lose the presence of mind to ask you if I could do something…" I trailed off shyly.

His eyebrows shot up, a question in his eyes.

I trailed a hand slowly down his muscled abdomen. _No surprises_ , I silently reminded myself as I fingered the brushed metal of his belt buckle. He tensed but didn't move to stop me. With shaking fingers, I unfastened his belt, then his pants. Edward raised his hips and slipped the khakis and boxers off in one lightning-fast motion. Then he was back to his original position, flat on his back and still as a statue.

His erection had literally sprung out of his pants and was straining proudly against his chiseled stomach.

I poised my hand above him, warning him first with my eyes.

"Bella, love, you don't have to do this," he said gently.

"Yes. Yes I do," I said, my voice matching the intensity he'd used when he'd said that to me on our wedding night.

Remembering that he liked the addition of lubricant, I leaned over his body and reached for the tube in the nightstand, letting my nipples brush across his chest. He inhaled sharply and groaned as my warm skin dragged across his. Grabbing the tube, I squeezed a small dollop into my hand, and slowly wrapped my hand around his girth.

Edward's breath hissed through his teeth as my hand made a few experimental strokes over his rock-hard length. Edward panted a little, his hands fisted in the sheets. The quiet sounds of his pleasure made me feel more powerful than anything ever had.

I tightened my fist around the base, and with slow, even pressure, I squeezed all the way to the tip, swirling the palm of my hand around his glans. Edward whined at this. He honest-to-god whined.

"Do you like that?" I asked in a husky voice. I could guess, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"Yessss," he hissed through clenched teeth. I continued to stroke him while I brought my other hand over to cup the rougher, slightly ribbed skin of his scrotum. I was rewarded with a throaty growl.

"I can't wait until I'm like you so that I can taste you, Edward," I whispered close enough to where my hands worked over him so that he undoubtedly felt my breath wash over his straining manhood. He inhaled sharply and I could feel him pulsing excitedly in the palm of my hand.

Edward was long enough that I could take him into both of my hands and still have room to move. I twisted my palms around him in opposite directions, one hand moving clockwise, the other moving counterclockwise while simultaneously pumping up and down. Edward watched me now, his breathing growing increasingly jagged, and his fists twisted the silk sheets into shreds.

"Bellaaa," Edward groaned. "God, that's amazing. So _warm,"_ he gasped.

I doubled my speed now, stroking him purposefully. My arms were starting to burn a little, but I didn't care. I wanted to bring him the same pleasure he'd brought me time and time again. The sped-up tempo seemed to do the trick.

"Ohh," he moaned. "Bella, love, pleeease," he pleaded, His entire body was tense and desperate for release.

With one last stroke, his hips flexed up off the bed and the glacier-cold evidence of his climax dribbled down my hand and onto the sheets below.

His body collapsed heavily back down onto the bed, the springs of the mattress squeaking in shrill protest, but his erection never faltered.

Still breathing heavily, Edward reached for his discarded shirt and used it to wipe my hands clean, then himself. He then pulled me into the granite embrace of his arms, burying his face in my hair.

" _Jesus,_ Bella," he panted. "Holding out on me much?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

*EPOV*

I could feel her shaking with laughter in my arms. She pulled away from me slightly so she could look at me. "The pleasure was all mine," she beamed, leaning down to kiss me.

"I seriously doubt that," I muttered. I tightened my arms around her, and in a blur of movement, rolled us over so that I was hovering over her now.

_Very_ slowly, letting her anticipation build, I kissed in a straight line from lips, to the dimple in her chin, down her throat and sternum, and into the valley between her breasts. Bella's back bowed, jutting her chest out enticingly in search of more contact. A ghost of a chuckle rumbled out of my chest.

With the tips of my fingers, I plucked delicately at the taut, rosy peaks, loving the way the curve of her back arched even farther, straining for my touch. I took one of her stiffened nipples carefully in my mouth and slid a hand down to the juncture of her thighs, cupping her.

Bella's chin was thrown back, her full lips parted into a perfect o-shape, and she was blushing from her cheeks down to her chest. "Edward!" It came out as a breathy sigh.

As I rubbed her in the way I knew she liked best, her breaths came faster and heavier. It was such a sublime pleasure to be with her this way; to feel her heated skin between my lips and her slick folds quivering with need under my fingertips. I hummed in pleasure, vibrating the soft curve of her breast.

"That's it, Bella. You're getting so close. I can feel it," I purred, gently inserting a finger into her wet heat.

Bella's hips thrust searchingly into the palm of my hand.

"More, Edward! Pleeease!" she begged.

"How much more, Bella?" My voice was deep, seductive.

"I want you, Edward. Please!" She begged again. My goddess needn't ever beg…

I crawled between her creamy thighs and lined myself up with her core. Taking a steadying breath, I made sure my hands were clear of her body and my thirst and strength were well in-check before slowly penetrating her. I watched her face for any signs of discomfort and found only elation as the boundaries of our bodies began to blend.

The pleasure was all-consuming as I slid deeper inside of her. She was so hot, and wet, and _tight._ "I love you so much, Bella. You feel like heaven. Are you alright?"

Bella nodded and smiled, rocking her hips into mine, taking me impossibly deeper. I groaned low in my throat at the sensation of being fully-sheathed within her.

She looked like something out of a dream lying there beneath me. Her brow was beaded with sweat and her deep brown eyes glittered with love and tenderness. Full rose-tinted lips were parted and her fingernails tried to find purchase in my forearms that formed a granite cage around her.

"Touch yourself for me, Bella. Make yourself come for me," my voice was rough to my own ears. Her eyes widened at my instruction, but I felt her small hand feel its way down her body to her soft mound. She tentatively began to swirl her fingers around her swollen nerve center as I slowly resumed my building pace, careful not to crush her hand between our bodies.

It didn't take long before I felt the telltale tightening of her muscles gripping me like a fist. I made sure to time my pace to the small circular movements of her fingers, maximizing her pleasure.

She let out one long, drawn-out moan, went utterly silent for a devastatingly long minute, and then screamed in pleasure, riding out her shattering climax, with me following right behind.

I rolled off of her, landing next to her in a panting heap. Bella's bicep pressed against mine, slick with perspiration. She was equally as speechless, breathing hard with a beatific smile on her face.

We rolled on our sides, facing each other. I took her chin between my thumb and forefinger and kissed her lips, soft and sweet. When she pulled away, she left her forehead pressed against mine.

"So tell me about these dolphins," she said, her warm breath fanning my face.

I excitedly told her about the pod of pink Amazon river dolphins that lived in a freshwater river basin on the southwestern side of the island.

"Take me to them, but on one condition," Bella's voice turned stern.

I pursed my lips, trying to contain the smile that threatened to spill over. "What's that?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"We're running this time! I'm tired of hiking," she demanded with a slight frown.

I laughed in earnest now, smoothing the damp hair away from her face. "Yes, dear," I smiled crookedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *A/N* Hi all! Thank you all SO much for sticking with me on this fic! I'm so thrilled to have gotten so many encouraging reviews up to this point! Each and every one has put a huge smile on my face, so I thank you!
> 
> I also wanted to remind you to sign in before you review, otherwise, I can't answer your questions. Someone asked about the omission of Victoria/ the newborn army. TBH, I chickened out of writing that part, and now I regret it, so I might go back and write about that as an outtake at a later date. But I'm definitely more focused on moving forward rather than backward. I hope you'll drop me a line! I really look forward to hearing what you think! Until next time, my lovelies! 


	29. Chapter 29

*BPOV*

"What is _that?"_ I asked as Edward pulled something that looked like a misshapen Storm Trooper helmet out of his pack.

"It's a snorkel," he said as if it were obvious.

"Snorkels are little plastic tubes with mouthpieces. _That_ is not a snorkel," I argued as he fit the full-face mask over my head and turned me around to adjust the straps behind my head.

"What can I say? Recreational water sports have come a long way in recent years," he mused, a smile in his voice. "How's that feel?" He turned me back around to face him.

My breath caught in my throat. He was startlingly beautiful, sparkling like diamonds in the sun, like something out of a dream.

"Fine. Tight," I finally answered. Behind the plastic of the mask, my voice sounded far away to my ears.

"But not too tight?" Edward tried to slide the mask around my face, but it didn't budge. He removed his hand, seeming satisfied.

We were standing on the bank of what looked like a calm, mossy green river that carved through the lush tropical landscape of Isle Esme.

"The dolphins are just over there in that cove," he pointed to a smaller tributary that fed into a larger canal.

"You aren't coming?" I felt the anxious creases form on my brow.

He raised his hand to touch me, but then let it drop. I guessed he wanted to touch my face, to soothe the worry there, but was impeded by the mask.

"Dolphins don't like my kind much," he said with a small regretful smile. "I won't take my eyes off you. I can be there in under five seconds if you get into any trouble. You'll be fine." He sounded like he was reassuring himself more than me.

_Under five seconds_? My jaw fell open, judging the distance—at least 100 meters out. Would I ever get used to his breathtaking speed? Not in _this_ lifetime, I wagered.

"Ok…" I said doubtfully. "One last thing... How will I know how deep I can swim if I can't see the air tube?" I asked, remembering the times I'd played around with a standard snorkel as a kid and choked on mouthfuls of water when the top of the tube became submerged.

Edward's smile was patient. "You can swim as deep as you like. The air intake valve on this bad boy won't take on water like you're probably remembering the old ones did," he lightly tapped the plastic face shield as if he were slapping the roof of a car he was trying to sell me.

He wound his arms around my waist and pulled me in close, grinning before he kissed the plastic directly over my mouth. I was amazed that he hadn't even left a smudge. Oh right, no body oils.

Edward watched me with an amused look on his face as I considered that. "Something you want to ask me, Mrs. Cullen?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"Do you not leave fingerprints either?" I asked, accusation in my tone.

Edward grinned widely, always eager to show off his tricks. He momentarily palmed my face shield, then removed his hand, leaving the plastic crystal clear and smudge-free.

"Being human sucks," I grumbled, pulling away from him and trudging toward the water.

"Not as much as being a vampire," he laughed, flashing his razor-sharp teeth. I rolled my eyes at his bad joke.

The water wasn't as cold as it looked. Under the hot sun, it felt nice against the overheated skin of my legs.

I could feel the smooth river stones under the thin soles of my water shoes, but I couldn't see them, because the water clouded with sand and sediment with every step I took.

I took my time, wading out. When I was up to my knees, I heard him call out, "Oh, and love?" His hands were cupped around his mouth. I rolled my eyes again. He was barely 15 yards away; my hearing wasn't _that_ bad.

"That bikini should be illegal!" he smirked.

I blushed at the compliment. I had half a mind to untie the spaghetti strings at my neck and hips and throw the scanty triangles of lycra at him. But I seriously doubted my ability to throw it that far in the slight breeze, and I really didn't want to run home naked.

However, knowing Edward, if my swimsuit were lost or damaged, he'd give me his clothes, and then _he'd_ be naked. That was a _much_ better proposition. Even so, I decided to behave. _For once._

Up to my waist now in the water, I glided in the rest of the way, feeling goosebumps stippling every inch of my skin with the chill. I broke into a loose interpretation of a crawl stroke, kicking my legs lazily behind me.

I let my mind go blank as I enjoyed the weightless feeling of being in the water, my hair fanning out behind me. I tested out the snorkel, cautiously putting my face in the water, halfway expecting the mask to start filling with water, or at least fog up; it did neither.

I bobbed along the surface, paddling my feet behind me. I couldn't see very far beneath me as the water was cloudy with stirred up mud and natural debris. I took a deep breath and dove under the surface, following the scurrying webbed feet of a river turtle who rushed to evade me.

I swam underwater for as long as my lungs would allow, breeching only enough for my mask to allow me to breathe again before diving under again, running my fingers along the silt and stone lining the river bottom.

When I surfaced, I could feel Edward's eyes on me. From this distance, his form was smaller than I'd expected it to be, though not hard to find, glittering as he was. He waved and called out.

"Almost there!" His voice was barely audible over the trickling of the gentle current, swallowed up by the distance between us. He pointed to just beyond the sandbar I was coming up on.

That's when I saw the group of protruding dorsal fins cutting a wide figure-eight through the smooth surface of the water. Except, the fins were more of a knobby hump than the sleek blade-like shape you'd come to expect from a bottlenose dolphin.

One of the porpoises turned on his side, slapping the water with his pectoral fin as if waving hello. I could see the smooth side of its body gleaming in the sunlight.

"Well, I'll be! They really are pink!" I said to myself, awed.

I cautiously swam closer, not wanting to spook them. Edward had assured me they weren't dangerous to humans, merely curious and sometimes playful.

As I drew nearer, the fins disappeared underwater and I worried I'd scared them away, until seconds later when they reappeared just feet away, circling me. There were four of them. Three of them were a silvery gray color, and the slightly larger pink one I'd spotted before.

Edward had told me earlier that the pink dolphins were male, and he was the boldest one. I laughed as his long, skinny beak animatedly splashed the water in front of me.

Charmed, I greeted them in a friendly tone. "Well, hello there!" He swam closer, clicking and trilling. I cautiously held up a land, letting him approach if we wanted, but trying to keep a respectful distance. The dolphin knew no such boundaries.

An excited gasp escaped my lips as I felt his smooth, rubbery hide slide frictionlessly against the skin of my thigh as he swam past.

Then I let out a little shriek of surprise when I felt the nudge of another beak press against the bottom of my foot, pushing me through the water a few feet. I laughed and splashed and enjoyed the majesty of these rare, exotic creatures.

Petting the flank of my new friend, I looked into his beady little eye, the only one that was visible with him floating on his side the way he was.

"You seem pretty magical, too. Are you going to shapeshift into a tribe of Amazons when I turn around?" I mused, only half-joking.

*EPOV*

"You're just full of good ideas today, aren't you Edward? _"_ I muttered to myself sarcastically as I paced back and forth on the grassy riverbank. It was harder than it should've been, letting Bella swim off alone.

I felt utterly hamstrung not being able to pick up her scent or hear her heart beating under the water. I could only rely on my eyes, and I could only _see_ her as long as she stayed afloat.

3.45 seconds, I calculated. That's all it would take me to get to her. _Let her enjoy the animals while she still can._

I smiled then, delighting at the sound of her endless giggles as she splashed around with the friendly beasts. Watching her enjoy herself, even from afar, had been worth the anxiety.

But, by God, I must remember to never let Alice pack Bella's swim attire for any trip that _wasn't_ a secluded private island!

Bella, almost completely bare save for her most intimate places, was a sight to behold. I hadn't wanted to let her out of the house dressed as she was.

However, after my eyeballs receded back into their sockets, I bit my tongue and told her she looked beautiful, relieved that, at least for now, she was for my eyes only.

It wasn't that I didn't think she looked beautiful; she was _always_ beautiful. Though, much like my human counterparts, many of my sensibilities were frozen in the era that I was raised.

It goes without saying, in 1918, the common prostitute would have clutched her pearls at what Bella was wearing.

Of course, I'd had decades to watch fashion trends evolve and...diminish, in the case of ladies' swimwear.

In this instance, I was left mystified by the female brain. Young women wore attention-getting swimsuits that left them feeling self-conscious and vulnerable, ostensibly to attract a suitor, but then were furious and indignant when they attracted the wrong _sort_ of suitor.

The feminists among them insisted that what they wore wasn't for any man's benefit—and sometimes that was true, but humans couldn't fight their biological imperatives any better than vampires could.

I laughed out loud, remembering the time Bella had asked me if there were gay vampires.

" _Indeed. Your human sexuality stays with you after you are turned. You remember Jane's brother, Alec?"_

" _I rather wish I didn't," she'd said with a frown._

_I raised my eyebrows suggestively._

" _Alec? Really?!" she crowed. And then her face smoothed out. "I mean, good for him. I support that. Just not his chosen...profession," she made a disgusted face._

_I smiled at her sympathetically. "I can understand why you have such an unfavorable opinion of the Volturi, Bella, but they aren't inherently bad. It's their job to make sure we follow the rules and don't risk exposure._

" _And, truth be told, I broke the rules. I got too close to you. And I broke the rules again when I...went to Italy."_

_Bella cringed at the memory._

" _You know, that never made sense to me…" her brow furrowed, deep in thought._

" _What didn't?"_

" _If your kind is at the top of the food chain, why do you even care if humans know what you are? I mean...you could take over, enslave humans, and farm them for their blood. How could they stop you?"_

_I couldn't help but notice how she talked about humans as if she wasn't one of them._

_I'd stared at her from across her small kitchen table. "Did you just propose world domination...over a bowl of Cocoa Puffs?" I asked with an exaggerated look of horror._

" _Kinda, yeah," she laughed, shrugging._

" _You're definitely not the first to propose that. But I guess you could say...most vampires enjoy the hunt too much and prefer their humans to be...free-range," I smiled wryly._

_She calmly accepted that with a nod, munching noisily on her incredibly unappealing breakfast._

" _Makes sense. Free-range cows and chickens taste better, too."_

" _You are_ so _absurd, Bella," I'd said with an adoring smile._

Breaking free from my abstraction, I slid my t-shirt over my head and stuffed it in the rucksack I'd hung from a nearby tree.

I sliced into the water, leaving hardly a ripple in my wake. 3.45 seconds later, Bella's pale legs were within reach, kicking in place and the only creature left in the water that I hadn't scared away for half a mile.

When I suddenly emerged from the water, her piercing scream scattered the birds and land animals for twice as far.

"Edward, don't _do_ that!" Bella's pruney hand flew to her thundering heart. Then she slapped her wet hands against my chest with a loud thwap. "I thought you were a crocodile!"

"A sparkling crocodile?" I teased, pulling her close.

She had conveniently rested the snorkel on top of her head. I placed my hands on either side of her face and took advantage of her now unprotected lips. She didn't resist.

When I pulled away, she snorted. "Why not? A sparkling croc would fit right in with the pink dolphins."

I barked out a laugh. Bella had such a wonderful sense of humor. I could banter with her for a lifetime and never get bored, and I planned to do just that.

"Come on, little mermaid. There's something else I want to show you. It's on the way back."

Bella climbed on my back, and I leisurely swam us back to shore at human speed.

Instead of going back the way we'd come, I took a slightly different route, following the river upstream deeper into the heart of the island.

*BPOV*

I heard the deafening roar of the waterfall before I saw it. When Edward had started scaling a sheer cliff face, I'd closed my eyes as an effort to keep from losing my lunch.

Now we were standing at the top of the falls, watching untold millions of gallons of white water churn violently over the rocks before falling some two hundred feet below.

"What's the matter, love? I was under the impression that you rather _liked_ cliff diving," Edward arched an eyebrow, daring me to argue the point.

I wasn't sure that he had ever quite forgiven me for that little stunt, and the look on his face seemed to confirm my suspicions.

I laughed nervously. "You know how effective reverse psychology can be when applied to teenagers," I rambled in explanation. "It seemed like a good idea at the time when my delusions of you were begging me not to. But now that I have the real deal giving me the go-ahead," I gestured to him, "...it's not quite so alluring."

A myriad of emotions flickered across his face. He seemed to settle on amused. Then Edward's lips were at my ear.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked with a dark chuckle sending a chill that had nothing to do with cold rippling down my spine. My eyes flashed intuitively. I knew what he was doing, the little cheater.

"You know...of drowning. Getting torn up by the rocks," I answered in a shaky voice.

He was behind me now. "Would I let you drown?" he crooned, his cool lips lingering at the hollow behind my ear.

I sighed, completely under his spell. "N-no," I stuttered. The icy trail of his lips continued down to the juncture of my shoulder and neck.

"Would I let a rock hurt you?" Edward's wintery hands slid around me, his long fingers splaying over my hips.

.

"No, but-" before I could say another word, he'd spun me around to face him. His face was just inches away now, his eyes were black fire.

His lips came closer to mine, just a hair's breadth away. I felt my lashes brush his cheek as my eyes fluttered closed. "Do you trust me?" There was a slight edge to his voice.

"Mhmm" I nodded infinitesimally.

When his lips finally crashed into mine, I almost didn't notice that he had scooped me up into his arms, wrapping my legs around his hips, forming a protective cage around me with his arms. And with two quick bounds, we were flying. Or falling...something in between.

I yelped into his mouth as the water came rushing up to greet us, but he only held me tighter...kissed me harder. I was barely jarred as Edward's body absorbed the impact of the water below. I expected the water to feel freezing, but several degrees warmer than Edward's body, it could've been a swimming pool.

Edward's legs propelled us to the surface with the power of a nuclear reactor. Less than a second later, I was breathing. I was also topless.

I'd have to remember to thank Alice for packing this particular bikini, I thought, despite all my complaining. I pressed the hardened tips of my breasts against his chest and he hissed as if I'd burned him, but pleasurably, somehow.

" _Bella_..." the sound of my name was lost between colliding lips.

I could feel his head shaking slightly as he pulled away from me. "Let me take you home. You're freezing."

Ok, so _that_ was actually true.

"Shower with me when we get back?" I asked, looking up at him through my waterlogged lashes.

He pretended to think about it. "Well...Esme _has_ been wanting to remodel the bathroom."

And like the gentleman he was, gave me the shirt from his pack to wear home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind me, just stretching out the honeymoon fun times before breaking down the next, like, 600 pages of angst heh. I really, really wish BD had gone another way. And I agree with those of you who have suggested it was just way too much Jake. I have no plans to write a Jake POV. The pack just doesn't interest me that much. I will probably need to go off-book to work around that huge chunk of text, and that's just fine with me. :D I hope you've enjoyed this update. Drop me a line and let me know what you think! I love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.


	30. Chapter 30

*BPOV*

Wearing the rucksack in my usual place on his back, Edward had carried me home in his arms. With my arms strewn around his neck, I took advantage of his occupied hands, kissing the corner of his flawlessly chiseled jaw.

"Bella," Edward moaned, "If you keep that up I might _actually_ hit a tree."

"Slow down, then. What's the rush? I _like_ you this way." I whispered wantonly into the glassy smooth column of his throat.

I felt the air stop whizzing by my ears, and the fuzzy green shapes of the jungle came into focus as he decelerated to a more human speed.

"Helpless to defend myself?" Edward's voice was playful. The skin of this throat tightened against my lips as the corners of his mouth curled into a smirk.

"If only that were true," I sighed dramatically. "It's nice of you to pretend that you need two hands to carry me, though."

"I'll pretend whatever you want," he rasped as I pressed my lips behind his ear. I hummed in approval, loving how affected he was by me.

No _wonder_ he spent so much time attached to my throat. And here I always thought it was because of my scent!

Edward didn't even bother to put me down when he got me inside the house. He just flipped me around so that my legs were wrapped around him. He dropped the rucksack in a heap on the floor and left a trail of our clothes on the way to the bathroom-never once taking his lips off mine.

My back was pressed up against the cold tile while my front was pressed against the cool granite of his chest. If my lips hadn't been so busy, I would have made a joke about being caught between a rock and a hard place.

I reached down between my legs to take him into my hand. Edward's entire body stiffened, and his head was shaking "no" before he could bring himself to pull his lips from mine.

"No, Bella," his voice was gentle but urgent. "Not against a wall. You could get hurt."

Looking over his shoulder, I saw the bench seat built into the opposing wall. That gave me an idea.

"Over there. Sit down," I jutted my chin toward the bench. There was a determined edge to my voice that even I heard. He took the two long strides backward through the wide, square-shaped spray of the rainfall showerhead, and sank gracefully down to the seat behind his knees.

The hot water coursing down my back was in sharp contrast to his icy body pressing against my front. It was the most exhilarating sensory experience of my life. Like teetering between ice and fire with every nerve ending standing on end sparking like live wires.

Edward's hand curved around the back of my neck, holding my face securely to his, while his other hand gently palmed my breast. I moaned into his mouth when I felt his thumb lightly stroke the stiffened peak of my nipple.

With a feather-light touch, the hand on my breast trailed icily down my ribcage and further still until I felt him cupping the soft curls covering my mound.

Edward's thumb began to make dizzying circles around my swollen nerve center, making my knees shake as I straddled him over the hard tile bench.

He broke away from my lips, letting me breathe, but his mouth never left my skin.

"Mmm that's my girl," Edward moaned approvingly, slipping a frosty finger inside me. "You're already so wet for me."

When I reached down to take him in my hand, he didn't object this time. He pulled his hand away as I inched toward him, lining up my body with his rigidly hard manhood.

I blushed intensely as I watched the fingers that had been exploring me dip into his mouth. Edward's coal-black eyes fell shut and he moaned at the taste.

I grinded myself against him a few times, feeling the length of him slide through my slick folds.

" _Bella,"_ Edward's voice was rough, thick with need. His hands clamped down over the edge of the tiled bench on either side of his knees.

When I finally sank down on him, Edward's deep, guttural groan reverberated off the tile walls.

I rose up and down on him a bit awkwardly at first, trying to find a rhythm, but my knees were starting to hurt, digging into the patterned tiles.

Seeing that I was struggling, Edward used his hands to gently still my hips so that I was hovering over him. His hands found the bench again, while his own hips began to drill into me with carefully measured stokes.

Now it was my own voice, quaking with the force of his thrusts, echoing embarrassingly off the walls.

I reached a hand between us, rubbing heated circles over my flesh. My other hand clutched almost painfully at my breast.

"Yess," he hissed. "That's it, Bella. Make yourself come for me. You're never more beautiful than when you're coming."

It didn't take long before I felt my muscles tightening down as the acute need building in my core began to tip over the edge.

I held my breath, waiting to be overcome by the climax that threatened to swallow me whole.

"Edward!" I screamed as the waves of pleasure crashed over me. My head was thrown back, my back arching into the hot spray of water behind me.

With one final thrust, Edward grunted as he emptied himself into me. His hips were aloft, hovering over the bench, the ridges of his abdomen taut with effort.

Spent, I sagged against him, heaving breathlessly.

As Edward's breathing returned to normal, his hands came to wrap around me, tenderly holding me to him. Edward picked me up in one arm, cradling me against his torso as he shut off the water and nudged open the steamy glass door.

Through droopy eyelids, I noticed the shallow impressions his fingers had left carved into the seat. He had molded the tile like it had been made of playdoh.

Edward draped a plush white bath towel around me, lovingly patting me dry before tucking me into bed. I didn't even feel the mattress dip as he silently crawled into bed behind me, curling his body around mine over the quilted, overstuffed duvet.

"Are you hungry? I could get your dinner started," He murmured into my ear, combing my damp hair away from my face with his fingers.

"No, stay," I commanded, scooting my body deeper into his embrace. He said nothing, just held me tighter as I basked in the afterglow of being loved by an angel.

We laid like that for a long time, our slow and even breaths matching the ebb and flow of the rolling waves outside. The loudest sound in the room was the rhythmic gliding of his hand over the fabric as he stroked my side through the cocoon of blanket.

The dusky sky had turned into an inky black before words came back to me, along with the beginnings of hunger pangs that I ignored.

"Edward?" I asked in a dreamy voice, still coming down from the high.

"Yes, love?" He asked. His voice was musical, and his cool breath tickled my ear.

"Is the hunting not good here?" I asked, idly playing with a corner of the duvet. With a hand on my hip, Edward gently rolled me onto my back so he could look at me.

"The Amazon has less variety than the Olympic Peninsula, but the jaguars are an exotic treat," he added with my favorite crooked smile. He paused for a beat. "Why do you ask?" he asked with intense curiosity seeping into his tone.

"Well, I was just wondering why Carlisle and Esme would ever want to leave here. I can't imagine that life gets any better than this."

"You have _no idea_ how happy I am to hear you say that," he said. But his exultant voice gave me some idea.

"As for Carlisle and Esme...This is something of a vacation home for them. This house isn't quite big enough for all seven-now eight of us," he gave me a little squeeze. "Plus, Carlisle is too committed to his work to be so far from a hospital for very long. Medicine is his calling, as you know. It gives him purpose."

"What gives _you_ purpose?" The question slipped out unbidden.

"Isn't it obvious?" He ruffled my still-damp hair. "You."

"That's a nice sentiment, Edward, but soon enough you won't need to spend your days saving me from myself and my...my bad luck. _Then_ what will you do?"

"It's not a _sentiment_ , Bella. I can see why you think that saving you is a full-time job," he chuckled lightly. "But protecting you is only part of it, and that won't stop just because you've changed. I just won't have to be quite so…" he searched for the right word.

"Overprotective to the point of absurdity?" I finished for him in a teasing voice.

"I was going to say neurotic, but _sure_ ," Edward said flatly.

I thought about that, about the way Jasper seemed to be every bit as protective over Alice as Edward was with me. He just didn't have cause to act on it as often.

Then there was Emmett. Emmett was entirely as worshipful to Rosalie as the other Cullen men were to their respective mates, but he didn't seem to mind letting Rosalie fight her own battles. That could've been a byproduct of his carefree personality, but I bet it had more to do with Rose being...well, Rose.

Esme...sweet Esme was the heart of the whole family and had the protection and devotion of every soul that knew her, vampire or otherwise. They all had but to stand in line behind her doting Carlisle.

I wondered what it would look like when Edward loved me as a vampire. What pieces of us _now_ would remain _then._ How long would it take to feel that way?

I was brought back to the here and now by Edward's hand cupping the side of my face.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" He asked, his thumb softly stroking along the ridge of my cheekbone.

I wasn't sure if I could properly articulate myself, so I just started rambling my scattered thoughts as fast as they came to me. "I just can't imagine it. Not getting tired. Not needing human moments. Not needing to eat or drink water. Not needing to _breathe._ Being stronger than you, than _Emmett._ The thirst…I just can't quite wrap my head around it."

Edward let out a big gust of air, cold, sweet, and delicious as it washed over my face.

"You might be the first to ever _have_ to wrap your mind around it while you're still human. It's not a choice many of us get to make," he frowned.

"Well, that can't be true," I countered. "There must be others. What about that human secretary working for the Volturi? She knows what she's getting into, and I gather she's _not_ of the mindset to become a vegetarian afterward?" I asked rhetorically.

Edward sighed. "No, she's not." he hesitantly agreed. "But Gianna is not a good comparison. She has had a difficult life, and it's made her hard and hateful. She is almost nearly as vain as Rosalie, but with less value for human life.

"She would give anything to become what we are so that she can stay young, beautiful, and most importantly, have the power to crush the people who have hurt her. Being a killing machine is a pro for her, not a con, Bella."

He continued, "To the best of my knowledge, the handful of willing humans that came before Giannaall had similar designs. So, to be more precise-you're the first human who is choosing this existence for _love_ , not solely for immortality or any other nefarious reason."

I nodded, absorbing that. "Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. I'm trading in one body for another, with its own set of limitations. And I'm getting _you._ Forever. It's a no-brainer."

"At a great cost, Bella…" Edward started in with his tired old argument, but I beat him to the punch.

"I'd trade a working uterus for an eternity with you seven days a week and twice on Sunday," I stated boldly, feeling the truth of it deep in my bones.

Edward opened his mouth to argue with me, but I cut him off. "You're not going to budge me on this, Edward! Are you really going to tell me that if our positions were reversed, and _you_ were the human, that you would make a different choice?" I asked pointedly, sitting up now so that I could glare at him nose to nose.

His eyes tightened, but he said nothing. There was nothing he _could_ say because he knew I was right.

"You aren't the only one that gets to make sacrifices, Edward, no matter how much you might want it to be like that. That's not how relationships work."

"That's just _it,_ Bella. What have I sacrificed to be with you? Nothing," Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Just searing pain every _second_ you're with me. Endangering yourself and your family time and time again to protect me. What's that worth? Not to mention what it must have cost you every time I went off cavorting with Jake." He winced.

"Edward, my humanity is worth more to _you_ than it is to me. Why can't you see that? You would save yourself so much grief! Besides...I've spent most of my life raising my mother. I'd kind of like to just live my life now that she's left the nest."

"I have no doubt your humanity is worth more to me, Bella. Since when have you _ever_ valued yourself properly?" Edward arched a critical eyebrow at me, but then he let out one hard laugh in spite of himself.

"As for the second part of that statement...Do you have any idea how _backward_ that is?" Edward's severe face softened into a reluctant smile.

My stomach seemed to growl in the affirmative.

"You're hungry, love. Dinner will be ready shortly." Edward was out of the bed and pulling on a pair of khaki-colored cargo shorts before I could argue the point any further.

*EPOV*

I never thought I would have taken an interest in _cooking_ of all things, but the more I practiced, the more I found that I enjoyed it. Well, not the cooking part so much as it was that I enjoyed taking care of Bella's needs. I loved seeing her face light up in enjoyment as she bit into something I'd prepared.

"Grilled chicken caesar salad with garlic bread. Bon appetit!" I placed the wide-lipped bowl in front of Bella. Her eyes widened into an impressed expression.

"Wow, garlic even?" she asked, unfolding her napkin over her lap. "That's quite the gesture for a vampire! That's sort of like a vegan serving me a porterhouse," she grinned, stabbing her fork into a piece of chicken.

I rolled my eyes at her bad vampire joke, "Would you like some wine? I've read this one pairs well with chicken," I held up a chilled bottle of sauvignon blanc. Her eyes widened again, this time in surprise.

"I'm not breaking any laws. The legal drinking age in Brazil is eighteen," I explained with a virtuous look on my face.

"In that case, I'd love a glass," she smiled, sliding her empty glass toward me to fill. "And this is delicious!" She exclaimed, holding a polite hand in front of her mouth as she chewed.

She took a small sip and swirled the wine around the stemless glass (purchased with her clumsiness in mind.) "I feel like such a grownup," she said, setting the glass down. "I'm sitting here drinking wine. On an exotic island. With my _husband_."

"And that's not even the most grownup thing you've done today," I raised an eyebrow and smirked at her suggestively.

She looked like a little sex kitten sitting there sipping wine while wearing one of my white button-down shirts, long enough that it hung down to her thighs, a pair of cotton panties, and nothing else.

The bright blush that started at her throat was accentuated by the stark white collar opened to the third button, showing just a hint of cleavage.

"How are your knees?" I asked, frowning at the fading red welts from where her knees pressed painfully into the grout. I hadn't caused them directly, but I couldn't help but feel partly responsible.

She waved me off and took another sip of wine. "Right as rain!" Quick to change the subject, she then asked "So tell me about our new house in New Hampshire."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised by the request, but pleased by her interest.

"I'll do you one better." I grabbed my laptop off the kitchen counter and clicked on an already open tab. It was the real estate page for the house we'd be moving into in a few short weeks.

"651 River Road. Lyme, New Hampshire," Bella read off the screen. With each new picture she clicked on, I watched her eyes get bigger and bigger.

"I take it you approve?" I asked quietly. "Esme says it needs a coat of paint and some updated furniture, but the location is ideal, and it's got 'very good bones,' I said using air quotes and smiling fondly thinking of my mother.

" _Fifteen_ bathrooms?" Bella gasped.

"It used to be a bed and breakfast," I explained. Alice will convert most of them into closet space I'm sure," I rolled my eyes. "But don't plan on us staying in the main house. If you look…"

I clicked through the photo slideshow, "There is a guest house. That will be ours. The extra privacy is sort of...a wedding gift from the rest of the family to us."

Bella's mouth dropped open and her eyes welled up with tears.

"Bella!" I asked, surprised by her reaction, "Is something wrong? If you don't like it-"

"I _love it._ I'm just...really touched." Bella sniffed, her watery eyes crinkling at the edges when she smiled. "There's just one thing…" she bit her lip.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Can we make some...modifications to the shower?" The look on her face was positively devilish.

I threw my head back and laughed. "I think that can be managed," I said, tasting the lingering sweetness of wine on her lips. As I pulled away from her, Bella's face went a little green. "Excuse me!"

"Are you-"

But before I could ask her if she was feeling alright, she pushed away from the table and streaked for the bathroom with her hands folded tightly over her stomach.

I was right on her heels. "Bella!" I called, my voice was wild with worry. I knocked too hard on the door. "Are you ill?"

"I'm ok. I just... got my period," she finished in a quieter voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, sorry Renesmee. I want to thank all of you for your wonderfully constructive and encouraging feedback with the last chapter. I was feeling very shackled to the book, but you emboldened me to go another way. And I'm SO relieved because I wasn't looking forward to diving further into the pregnancy arc. At all.
> 
> I just don't want to imagine a Cullen family where the only thing that stopped Carlisle and Edward from performing a forcible abortion was ESME. Gross. Anyyyyyways, I really hope you liked this update. Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing, and keep the suggestions coming!
> 
> Oh! And 651 River Road, Lyme, New Hampshire is a real address. In the words of Edward, you can google it. I thought it suited the Cullens' needs very well. :D
> 
> So...let's see what happens, shall we? *rubs hands together vigorously *


	31. Chapter 31

*EPOV*

After leaving Bella sound asleep in our bed, I left her a note explaining my absence in case she should wake up before I returned, then headed for the mainland to hunt.

I didn't make sport of it this time, as I was anxious to find a 24-hour drug store and get back to Bella before she woke up.

The jaguar population was on a decline, so I limited myself to just one, an older cat at the end of his life, and a couple of capybaras to make sure I was good and sated. Just as a precaution since Bella was on her courses...

I'd told her once before that I'd gotten over the call of her blood, and that was for the most part true.

The monster was locked up with no possibility for parole. But I would be lying if I said the increased level of physical intimacy didn't make the urges just slightly harder to ignore.

The Amazon was such a breathtakingly beautiful place, I briefly considered taking Bella to the mainland to explore. But it was so dangerous for humans who _didn't_ have Bella's magnetism for danger that I quickly thought better of it.

That was _all_ I needed was to have to change her, _alone_ , in this strange place because she had the misfortune of being bitten by a blasted spider.

And besides...we'd have eternity to come back for a visit when she wasn't so delectable to venomous creatures.

My vampire abilities had made me complacent that I could rescue Bella from virtually any catastrophe as long as I were with her. However, her dolphin encounter underscored something crucial that I'd overlooked.

If Bella were to be swept away by rapidly moving water, if I lost sight of her _and_ her scent-not being able to hear her mind, or her heart properly underwater, she was as good as dead.

It was a sobering thought, indeed. I wouldn't make plans to visit any more waterfalls after _that_ humbling discovery.

I'd had to run all the way down to Copacabana to find a 24-hour _farmácia._

Bella had insisted she was set on feminine hygiene products and didn't need anything else, but she was so miserable when she'd finally gone to bed that I wanted to do _something_ to bring her some relief, even if she was too stubborn to ask.

A middle-aged woman with deep creases etched into her copper-colored skin rang up my purchases. She looked up at me with a tired, sympathetic smile.

A heating pad. Midol. An herbal tea called "Healthy Cycle," a dozen different types of chocolate bars, and a new novel to read if she didn't feel up to getting out of bed tomorrow. Also the condoms I'd set out to buy earlier in the week.

I wasn't so concerned about accidental transformations at this point, but I was starting to wonder about the possibility of other adverse bodily reactions. I theorized about the unexplained changes to Bella's eating and sleep habits.

The sudden onset of her menstrual symptoms tonight was bizarre, too. I could only think of one other time when she'd even _mentioned_ her cycle, much less been slowed down by it. I laughed quietly to myself remembering it.

Blushing from head to toe, she had meant to ask if it was safe for her to be around us during that time of the month.

Angel of mercy that she was, Alice swooped in before Bella could get the words out and had a private girl-to-girl chat with her about the best way to proceed.

At that early stage in our relationship, if I'd had to be the one to tell Bella that tampons were better than sanitary pads, but that menstrual cups were better than tampons, I think I might have spontaneously burst into flames.

The Portuguese-speaking woman's thoughts revealed that she thought I must be very mature for my age to be buying such things, _for his mother,_ she surmised. Until she got to the condoms, that is.

I smiled warmly at her, thanking her for her assistance. I then retrieved the plastic bag containing my purchases and made my way back to the boat.

Once I was out of the harbor and into the open ocean, I opened up the throttle, smiling widely as I was pelted with sea spray.

I loved boating, even more than I loved driving, despite the slower speeds. As a mindreader, the ocean was a much more peaceful place to be than the interstate.

Speeding past much slower motorists was like mentally flipping through radio stations, never settling on one long enough to hear what song was playing. It was incredibly distracting, to say the least.

Taking Bella on the boat to Isle Esme, getting to enjoy that mental peace while still getting to delight in her company had made me positively giddy.

I used to always find Bella's silent mind so incredibly vexing, and sometimes, I still did. But it was moments like that when I appreciated her unique mind for the gift that it was.

To the east, the sun was beginning to rise. I cursed under my breath. I had been gone longer than I'd anticipated.

Due to the urban sprawl that had occurred in the last couple of decades, and the lack of subway tunnels in Brazil, I had to take a more circuitous route to avoid being seen, and the rainforest wasn't exactly _close-_ details I didn't need to bother Bella with.

She still got anxious when I had to be away from her, and the feeling was mutual... _tenfold_ , but still mutual.

I docked the boat, mooring it quickly, and dashed up to the house. Bella was definitely awake, that much was apparent by the unexpected sound of pop music coming from somewhere within.

I followed the music and the smell of bacon that wafted out from the kitchen.

Bella hadn't noticed me standing there in the doorway, so I took the opportunity to whip out my phone and open the camera app. _My_ memory was flawless, but hers wasn't. Not yet.

Bella was a thing of beauty, standing there in front of the stove wearing a tank top and cut-off shorts, a towel twisted into a turban on the top of her head.

If I didn't know the sight and scent of her so well, I might've worried I'd walked into the wrong house.

I had caught Bella, _my_ Bella dancing like no one was watching. I mashed my thumb into the record button because _this_ was something that needed to be captured for the sake of posterity.

She shimmied her hips and pumped her tongs-wielding fist into the air to the catchy rhythm of Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling."

I couldn't help myself any longer.

"Crikey! What a _beauty!_ " I bellowed in a perfect imitation of Steve Irwin. Bella jumped right out of her skin and wheeled around to face me.

Her face was burning and her heart hammered in her chest. I danced over to her and eased my arms around her as she irritatedly flailed in my arms.

"Edward, don't _do_ that. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She slapped me lightly on the chest, but I wasn't done teasing her yet.

"Settle down, sweethawt, settle down now," I crooned in my Aussie accent as if I were trying to calm a wild animal, holding her tighter as she giggled and wiggled in my arms.

I spoke into the camera, "Look at the be-yootiful color on this one!" I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand.

I bent down and kissed her behind her ear. "Glad to see that you're feeling better," I murmured in my own voice, slipping the phone back into my pocket. She settled into my arms, burying her face into my chest.

"Feeling much better after having a shower. I'm glad you're back. You were gone a long time." Her voice was muffled by the fabric of my shirt. "It was a long night. It's really _hot_ when you're away."

"I'm so sorry, love," I grimaced and swiped at a bead of perspiration that had dewed up on the nape of her neck. "I didn't think about how hot you'd be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before the next time I need to leave."

I took hold of the forgotten tongs on the counter. Behind her turned back, I quickly flipped the bacon onto a plate before it burned, then shut off the heat.

"I come bearing gifts, though!" I added cheerfully.

I flashed back out into the foyer, retrieving the shopping bag where I'd left it by the door, and handed it to a bewildered-looking Bella.

Bella pursed her lips, "What did you _do_?" she accused. She opened the bag and inspected the contents.

Bella gasped, and then threw her arms around me, bag and all. She stretched up on her tiptoes and tipped her head back for a kiss which I enthusiastically obliged.

"Thank you. That was very, very thoughtful of you. And bonus points for the chocolate. Though..." she pushed back against my shoulders so that she could look at me.

"...Who are the condoms for? If you're worried about STDs…" she almost made it all the way through the question before her stern face broke into an amused smile.

 _Shit_. I'd forgotten to take the condoms out of the bag.

"Ah, yeah. I thought...if there was going to be a lot of...destruction," I borrowed her word from days before, "that it would probably be safer for you if you weren't repeatedly exposed to my fluids. And it might help with the, um, cold."

 _Very articulate,_ Cullen. I rolled my eyes at my awkwardness.

"Like I said," she growled, pulling herself closer to me with fistfuls of my shirt. "I _like_ the cold."

She kissed me again to illustrate her point. "But you're right," she said, pulling away. "It's probably smarter."

Her eyes grew wide as if suddenly remembering something. "Holy crow! The bacon!" And then her heart rate dropped back down to something approaching normal when she realized I'd already seen to it.

"Edward saves my bacon, yet again," she grumbled, pulling the towel from her hair and combing her fingers through her damp strands.

I chuckled. "Breakfast time for the human?" I asked, sliding a chair out from the table and gesturing for her to sit. She quickly assembled her plate, grabbing the waffles from the toaster, some fresh fruit salad, and a few strips of bacon.

Noticing Bella hadn't poured herself a drink, I offered her some juice.

"Actually, would you mind putting on a kettle? I'd love to try that tea you got for me," she smiled brightly. I beamed at her.

*BPOV*

It _had_ been a long night. The sudden onslaught of cramps and nausea that had me hauling ass to the bathroom didn't let up for most of the night.

Edward had never seen me like that before because he was in the strict routine of leaving to hunt every 1st and 3rd weekend of the month, a schedule that perfectly coincided with my own. But with all the wedding and honeymoon excitement, the schedule had gotten thrown off.

Swept up in the adventure of Isle Esme, I hadn't been keeping track of the days. PMS plus the physical exertion of having Edward as my tireless tour guide this past week could easily explain the binge eating and the exhaustion. Hmm, well that solved that mystery, I thought, sipping my tea.

"How was _your_ breakfast?" I asked, setting down my mug. Successful, I could tell, by the buttery gold color of his eyes.

"It was no irritable grizzly bear, but I guess they can't all be," he sighed longingly.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" I asked, nibbling on a strip of bacon.

"You tell me," he smiled. "You seem to have made a miraculous recovery. I kind of figured after last night you'd want to lay low."

I shrugged. "I'm fine. The first day is always the worst. You usually are never around for that because of your hunting schedule."

Edward's eyebrows shot up, then furrowed. "I had no idea! I _swear_ I didn't plan for that. I... _hate_ that I wasn't around to care for you if you were unwell…"

I rushed to put the smile back on his face. "Oh, I know. It was just sort of a convenient coincidence. And at the time, I preferred to binge eat Ben & Jerry's and ugly cry in private," I blushed and looked down at the tabletop.

He nudged my chin back up to look at me. "It's different now that we're married and live together. I realize that." I nodded in agreement, feeling the pressure of his cool stone hand under my jaw.

He looked at me thoughtfully, "And I'm learning that there's lots more that I don't know about you. But I want to know _everything_ about you. Every gory detail," he smirked.

" _Same_ ," I said emphatically. "I guess it will just take a little getting used to...I used to think that we spent basically every moment together.

"It _felt_ like that because the moments I got to spend with you were the only ones that mattered to me. And now...well I'm realizing that there was more time that I spent away from you than I realized."

Dinners with Charlie. My job at Newton's sporting goods store. The time I spent at La Push with...I didn't want to think of his name for fear of rattling that drawer loose.

And if I was being brutally honest, I had some modicum of privacy. I had a moment to be me when no one was watching. I could dance in the kitchen, or pick my nose, or have a freaking bowel movement without him hearing. Or _smelling_ , I cringed.

That was one big fat tally under the "Change me ASAP" column. It was absolutely no fun to be human around my unfairly perfect vampire husband 24/7. One whole semester of college was starting to seem like an awfully long time.

Edward smiled, nodding with understanding. He took my hands in his own, softly stroking the backs of them with his thumbs.

"Married life is a big adjustment, even for normal human couples. There's a reason why they say the first year is the hardest. Though...we've only been married a week, so I really hope you're not sick of me already," he smiled crookedly.

My eyes widened. "No!" I shouted, aghast. "That's not what I meant-"

He smiled again and squeezed my hands. "I know, love." He examined my eyes for a moment.

The expression 'The eyes are the windows to the soul,' felt a whole lot more literal when he did that.

"Alone time is important. I've had more of it in the past ninety years than I care to remember, but I'd hate to deprive you of that.

"Would it be helpful to you if I made myself scarce during a certain part of the day...to give you some breathing room?" Edward asked, carefully watching my face.

I nodded shyly, relieved that he seemed to understand me better than I did sometimes.

"When?"

"Just for like an hour in the morning? Before breakfast, when you'd normally be leaving my house to pick up your car?"

"Done," he promised. "Don't be afraid to tell me what you need, Bella. _Ever._ " He brought my two hands together and kissed the backs of them.

"Ok then," I said, taking the last swig of my tea. "Every gory detail. Here's another Bella factoid for you to file away…"

Edward's eyes widened in interest and he nodded for me to continue.

I serenely put my mug back down on a ceramic coaster while I conjured my poker face.

"I'm not overly fond of being surprised by vampires with recording devices." I wrinkled my nose but smiled to take the sting off.

His eyes clenched shut and his chin dropped down to his chest in a show of understanding and deep remorse. "And why would you be?" He muttered.

"The Steve Irwin imitation was cute though," I added genuinely, hating to see him so hard on himself.

He peeked up at me with one eye. "It _was_ , wasn't it?" he grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *A/N* Thank you for all of your very supportive words after the last chapter. I was really nervous when I posted it that I would upset some people-and if I have, I hope we can still be friends! 😊💜
> 
> Going forward this is going to be like BD, the alternate ending: If everything had gone according to plan. (As well as it ever can, anyway.) Really looking forward to throwing the book out and having some angsty, lemony, newlywed fun with these two. I hope you stick with me for the ride!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I did a shitty thing...Toward the end of the chapter, I reference the newborn army even though I regretfully never wrote that into this fic. I hope you'll forgive the lapse in continuity, but Edward had something important he needed to say.

**BPOV**

Our time at Isle Esme was finally drawing to a close. Edward had spent untold gobs of money to hire a crew of people to deliver and assemble two new beds to replace the ones we'd damaged, then haul the old ones away.

The larger boat docked shortly after Edward returned from giving me my morning "human hour."

"I was thinking...while the workers are coming and going, how would you like to go have a picnic with me? There's one last place I want to show you on the island before we leave tomorrow. I was kind of saving it for last."

How could I say no to that? So I packed a picnic brunch for one and soon found myself in the middle of an open field exploding with color.

Acres and acres of vibrantly-hued flowers spread out before me in every direction. It was like something out of a dream.

"Esme's garden," Edward called it, his voice was hushed, reverent. "Orchids are her favorite and they thrive here, so Carlisle planted this for her with some of the native species found on the mainland. "I thought it could be like-"

"The island version of our meadow," I finished for him.

" _Exactly_ ," he smiled, pleased that I'd come to the same conclusion.

"How is this _real?_ I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful even in a picture," I breathed, nearly blinded by the ocean of bright, bold colors that only seemed to exist among the world's rarest, most exotic flora.

"I have," Edward said simply, but he was staring right at me. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but I blushed instead; it was hard to doubt the sincerity I saw on his face.

We spread out a blanket and laid down in the middle of the Orchid Sea, though I hated to crush even a single bloom.

We laid on our backs, heads turned to look at each other with our intertwined hands sharing the narrow space in between.

Our meadow time was usually when I asked the questions that no one else should hear the answers to, and this time was no exception.

Edward patiently answered every single query, as if he were the interview subject for a school report.

"So you don't get tired," I asked, though I knew the answer.

"Nope," Edward said, popping the 'p.'

"And you don't need to breathe," I stated rather than asked.

"Correct."

"So you could just dive in the water in San Francisco and get out in Tokyo...and...not even come up for air?"

"Sure," he shrugged.

"How _long_ would that take?" Would I _ever_ be able to fathom what this angel was capable of? Or _why_ he took interest in a painfully ordinary human like me?

"Hold on. I didn't study for my vampire algebra quiz," he chuckled. "Let's see...5,500 miles at the rate of 205 knots...carry the one... That's 23.4 hours or just under one day."

"And 205 knots is…" I struggled to remember the conversion rate.

" _Just_ a hair faster than the VA-111 Shkval, a Russian torpedo—the fastest recorded object underwater. Ask me how I know!" He grinned broadly, and there was a clear note of excitement in his voice.

"Hold on, I'm getting there. Why do you fly commercial when you can just swim for free?"

"Because just like humans we are owned by our earthly possessions. How do you propose we move Alice's _wardrobe_ underwater?" Edward arched a sardonic eyebrow at me.

"Got it. Now I'm afraid to ask, but...Russian torpedoes?" I asked with an incredulous expression. Edward smiled wickedly. I recognized that expression at once. He was in Storyteller Mode.

I knew it because Charlie had the same look about him when he swapped war stories of his years on the police force with his deputies down at The Lodge. His tone said _prepare to be impressed._

But Charlie's stories about being a small-town cop paled in comparison to some of the epic tales the Cullen men liked to wax on about.

"In the 1960's Jasper had gotten wind of the development of a Soviet weapon that would engage nuclear submarines-"

"Why does that not surprise me?" I asked in a flat voice with the beginnings of a smile.

"Human technology has evolved to a point where vampires have some cause for concern, say if our existence were to be exposed. We're bulletproof alright, but nuke-proof? Unlikely.

"So we make it our business to keep on top of human innovation, in case we need to interfere.

"That's how we _stay_ at the 'top of the food chain,' as you put it," Edward explained with a smirk.

"Where was I? So, Jasper found out about this Soviet weapon. It was touted as being the fastest thing underwater. Well, you know how I love a challenge and how Emmett loves a good bet…

"Emmett bet me that the torpedo could beat me in a race. So we followed the development of this thing for years, but humans are so _slow,"_ Edward rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"We bugged Alice for seventeen _years_ to stay on top of the Soviet scientists so that we could be there when it finally deployed. It's why I learned to speak Russian so that I could translate her visions."

"You learned to speak Russian...so you could race a _torpedo?"_ I demanded with a dumbstruck expression.

"It was May 3, 1977. You should have seen it. The supercavitation technology was brilliant! The design of the nose cone deflected the water to create a gas bubble around the torpedo which reduced drag…

"To be honest, I was a little worried I might lose." Edward's eyes widened and he shook his head a little as if disturbed by the very notion of such a thing.

"The day of the big race turned out to be a pretty big disappointment, actually. For _Emmett._ " The smug grin returned.

"The torpedo only kept up for 5 _miles._ But for those 76 seconds, I was a trifle concerned," Edward gestured with a centimeter of space between his thumb and forefinger.

"So as far as anybody knows...you are-"

"The fastest moving thing on land _and_ sea? Yeah _..._ I'm kind of a big deal," Edward's smile was blinding as he shrugged with put-on nonchalance. I blinked, absorbing that.

"What were the _terms_ of this bet? And what kind of prize was worth waiting nearly twenty years to win?" I stared at him wide-eyed.

"Well, several cars before I owned my Vanquish, I had a 1977 Aston Martin Vantage-the _second_ fastest thing on land at the time. And $137,000 was a lot of money for a car back then…" he mused with a nostalgic chuckle.

"It's a lot of money for a car _now!"_ I half-shouted. I could tell by Edward's amused expression that he was silently agreeing to disagree.

"What would you have had to do if Emmett won?" I asked. Edward cringed.

"Emmett doesn't care as much about material things. You know what was worth $137,000 to Emmett back then?" Edward asked, winding up the punchline. "Flushing my head in the toilet every single day for the entire time we'd be at the next high school together."

I just about died laughing and so did Edward once I really got going. Every time I attempted to regain my composure, I thought of Emmett giving Edward a swirlie and a whole new round of giggles would bubble up out of my chest.

As my breathless paroxysms of laughter subsided, I could feel the stitches in my sides from laughing so hard.

"I've owned an Aston Martin ever since just to taunt him," Edward said laughing so hard that his chest shook with laughter but no sound came out. It looked like he'd be wiping tears out of his eyes if such a thing were possible.

I wasn't laughing anymore as I watched him vibrate with amusement. I don't think I'd ever seen Edward look so happy so...unburdened.

He caught on to the change in my mood and rolled onto his side so that he could stroke my cheek with his free hand.

"What are you thinking?" His angel voice asked.

"I just love seeing you like this and...I love that there are so many running jokes between you guys that I'm just beginning to learn about. I can't wait to be a part of it," I said honestly.

"You already _are._ Or hadn't you heard about Emmett and Jasper's wager?" Edward chuckled.

I bristled at the reminder of their bet about how many slip-ups I'd have in my first year of being a vampire.

Seeing the scowl on my face, Edward rushed to add "Here's one you might like a little better. Rosalie and I have a cash bet on who will win an arm-wrestling match between you and Emmett once you're turned." Edward smiled placatingly.

"But doesn't Alice see how all these bets turn out?"

"She's not allowed to look. And if she sees anyway, the bet is void. It's not much fun for anyone if I know I'm going to win."

Then, as if he was remembering something unpleasant, Edward's smile faded a touch, and his eyes tightened almost imperceptibly.

"What are _you_ thinking about?" It was my turn to ask.

Edward shook his head slightly, the corner of his mouth curled into a poor attempt at a smile. "Nothing."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'll remember that the next time _you_ ask," I threatened.

He sighed. "I was just remembering the circumstances of how you came to find out about my brothers' bet. When you broke your hand."

_After Jacob kissed me._ For the _first_ time, I cringed.

I swallowed thickly, hating to see the hurt in his eyes that he was trying so hard to hide.

"I know that you must have had some feelings about...about what happened with me and Jake...and you obviously still do. And maybe you felt like you couldn't be angry with me then because you might-" I struggled for the right words.

"Because I might lose you? Yeah, you could say that, Bella," there was a hard edge to his voice.

"But we don't have to do this now. Or ever. None of that matters...You chose me." Edward squeezed my hand, exhaling deeply.

"It matters," I disagreed. "I was all too happy to lie to myself that you were just so _understanding_ about the whole thing that I never stopped to think about what I was doing to you. I was so selfish, Edward. And I'm _so_ sorry, for all of it."

Edward sat up, bending one knee to his chest. With a fist under his chin, and his elbow resting on his knee, he stared gloomily out into the sea of orchids. I sat up too, crossing my legs beneath me.

"Bella, please don't apologize for something that I made necessary. It just makes me feel worse." Edward squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw.

"You don't get to blame yourself for that anymore, Edward! That statute of limitations has long since expired.

"Like you say, none of it matters now. You chose me...And when you came back, you had your chance to grovel, and now I'm demanding mine." My tone was sharp as a blade.

Edward's agonized eyes were torn with indecision, his lips pressed together into a hard line.

I pleaded in a desolate whisper, "I don't want to start our marriage while this is still hanging over us."

Edward's breath came out in one hard gust as if he'd had the wind knocked out of him. He turned his head to look at me, eyes blazing.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? That it crushed me every time you left me to be with him? It _did_.

"That it was awfully _ironic_ that you couldn't stand the idea of me fighting the newborns not knowing if I'd come back to you—when that's _exactly_ what you left me to face every time your future-OUR future-disappeared? It was _very_ ironic.

"That it was humiliating when you asked me to chase after him on the mountain? Truthfully...being burned into a purple column of smoke would have been preferable.

"But Bella," he said softly, all the anger had vanished from his voice. "It was no more than I deserved. I knew it to be true then just as much as I do now, which is why I would have been happy to never say another word about it.

"And furthermore…" Edward sighed wearily, "if giving you the time and space to figure it out had _any_ part in the choice you made, then I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again," Edward's eyes burned into mine fueled by the conviction of his words.

Now it was my turn to have the wind knocked out of me, though it was more out of relief than anything else.

" _Thank you,"_ I breathed. "I have been wanting you to get that off your chest for the longest time. I knew it had to be eating you as much as my guilt has been eating me.

"I was awful, truly _awful_ to you, and you fought for me anyway. I didn't deserve it. And I...can't tell you how sorry I am. I just hope that you can forgive me." Edward's cool fingertips were there to wipe away the tears before they even fell.

"I'd forgive you anything _,_ love," Edward's voice was soft, fragile somehow, but his eyes were so full of love and compassion that I couldn't doubt it.

"I just...needed to say the words as much as you needed to hear them," I swiped a hand under my running nose.

Edward took my face between his hands. The cool, smooth stone of his palms soothed my burning hot skin as he gently stroked my cheekbones with his thumbs, removing the evidence of my grief.

"No more tears, my love. Everything is out in the open now. All is forgiven. Let's just be happy now in this beautiful place. You and me, from here on out, starting with a clean slate. Can we do that?"

I nodded, feeling the last of my hot tears fall onto my chest then trickle into the valley between my breasts. "A clean slate. I'd like that."

Edward sighed heavily, "You know what I've heard helps after having a heavy conversation like that?"

"What?" I hiccuped.

"Make-up sex," Edward smirked. "Want to give it a go?"

"Do I ever!" I threw myself into his arms, pressing my lips to his, asking for forgiveness and granting it in return in the same ragged breath.

Edward's arms folded around me, and he rolled us over so that he was holding himself above me. One of his hands raised to unstick a wisp of hair from my tear-dampened face and tuck it behind my ear. It then slid under my chin, holding my gaze firmly to his-not that I would have dreamed of looking away.

"Isabella Marie _Cullen,_ " his voice was stern. "You are _mine_ and mine alone. _Say it,"_ he growled with an intensity that made all the blood in my body rush straight to my core.

"Yours, Edward. I've always been yours," I gasped as he drew my arms over my head and held both of my wrists together in one hand with a gentle, yet unbreakable grip.

Edward rolled over next to me onto his side so that he could have better access to my body.

His touch was feather-light as he trailed the fingers of his free hand from my fettered wrists down the ticklish underside of my arm and over my shoulder.

His splayed, wandering fingers continued down their path over my ribcage, my side, dipping into the narrow of my waist and lower where his hand came to rest at the hem of my tank top.

Without warning, he ripped the shirt over my head leaving me trembling beneath him in shock and desire wearing nothing but a lacy black bra and my cut-off shorts.

"I'm the only one who will ever touch you like this." He tenderly stroked my cheek with the back of one finger.

"The only one who will ever have you like this." Edward's face ducked down to my chest.

He followed the dried trails of my tears with his mouth to the center clasp of my bra, taking it between his teeth. The cups of the ruined bra flew open, exposing me to his ravenous eyes and the cool open air.

"The only one that will ever make you _feel_ like this." Edward's hand slid under the waistband of my shorts and panties where he palmed the fleshy, soft curve of my mound before he dipped a finger inside my slick folds, rubbing the moisture up around my swollen nerves.

'The only one, Edward!" I gasped. "You're the only one." It was all true, but I'd say whatever he wanted as long as he didn't stop.

He didn't stop. Not until the desperate need growing between my legs was acute to the point of pain.

" _Please,_ Edward, _please._ I need you so badly. Make love to me."

Edward never could say no to me when I begged...The rest of our clothes soon shared the same fate as my forgotten discarded shirt.

"I love you, Bella, and I will _never_ let anyone take you away from me." I heard the brief sound of a wrapper crinkling, and then Edward was inside of me. His lips and hands were everywhere, loving me, claiming me.

Edward was never less than gentle, but there was an urgency in his kiss and his touch that I'd never felt before.

"Yes, Edward, yes. Don't stop," I moaned as he brought me to climax under the cool tips of his fingers, his mouth humming in approval around the hardened peak of my breast.

His hips curled languidly into mine, penetrating me slowly but deeply each time. My arms wrapped around his back and my fingernails tried in vain to find purchase in the powerful muscles of his glutes.

I knew Edward was close when I felt his hands and his mouth retreat from my body. His hands clenched into fists on either side of my arms. He turned his face away from me, anchoring his jaw with his own shoulder.

Edward's whole body tensed and shuddered, and with a final grunt, he withdrew and sort of collapsed on top of me, though I knew he wasn't letting me bear much of his weight.

He rested the side of his face on my heaving chest, listening to the thundering of my heart as he recovered from his own release.

I kissed the disheveled bronze of his hair, running my fingers through it and smoothing it back off his forehead. He purred at the attention.

And just like that, the Jacob drawer stopped rattling. Whatever part of me that had been living inside it had been pinched off like a dead flower from a healthy plant. Removal had been necessary to make room for new growth.

After our breathing returned to a normal rhythm, we eventually separated and put ourselves back together again. Once I pulled my sandals back on over my heels, he extended a hand to pull me up off the ground.

He ducked his head down to my level so that he could look into my eyes. His brow was furrowed like he wasn't sure what to say. "Are you alright?" he finally asked.

I nodded. "Are _we_ alright?"

"Better than ever," he promised. His eyes were serious, but a smile was starting to bloom on his perfect face.

We walked hand in hand through the orchid field. Prisms of light bounced off Edward's sparkling skin casting dancing rainbows over the brightly colored flowers as we passed. Leave it to Edward to take something so flawless and make it somehow _more_ beautiful.

"Ready to go back to the real world, Mrs. Cullen?" He asked, softly stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

"I'm not really sure anymore which parts are real, and which aren't," I said as the fingers of my free hand grazed over the petals of a white orchid, the tips of its petals a startling blood red. "But I'm ready for anything as long as I have you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody asked how I planned to torture them without the pregnancy...Bwahaha. I don't need no stinkin' hybrid baby to do that! SM repressed enough hurt within the pages of the first three books that Edward and Bella will do that work all on their own.
> 
> It's amazing how much better I feel now that Edward got to say his piece. And, gah, don't you just love some Domward? I know I do. I really hope you liked this update! Can't wait to hear what you all think. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Til next time, my lovelies!


	33. Chapter 33

*EPOV*

Back in Forks, Bella slept soundly in my arms in our bed. She wanted to see Charlie one last time before we packed up and moved to New Hampshire to begin our college adventure at Dartmouth.

But since Charlie wasn't comfortable with me staying over, and because Bella wouldn't stay anywhere without her husband ( _that_ got a big grin out of me), she told a very huffy Charlie that she'd stay with me at my house and come see him in the morning.

Bella hadn't said one word about wanting to see Jacob when we got back into town. I wouldn't stop her if she felt the need to go to La Push, but I wasn't going to extend an invitation, either.

I was trying very hard not to feel bad about what had transpired that last day on the island.

The things I'd said to her…I had given Bella grief before about not holding me accountable for my mistakes, but I was every bit as guilty as she was in that regard.

As painful as it had been to be that candid with her, I'm glad she ripped the proverbial band-aid off so that old festering wound could finally heal.

She had been right, of course. I hadn't known how badly I'd needed to hear her atone for the things she'd done until I heard the words from her lips.

I had tried to apologize to Bella for leaving her _so many times_ and was left utterly frustrated when she dismissed what had happened as water under the bridge when I knew she was still hurting.

Inadvertently, I had done the same exact thing to her by refusing to hold her accountable for her hurtful transgressions with her...canine companion.

_Christ._ And then I'd gone full caveman on her, I groaned to myself, mortified. After I'd gotten her back to the house, we'd showered together, and to her great irritation, I checked every inch of her for bruises and apologized if I'd scared her.

To my great surprise, she'd blushed and told me she'd been rather turned on by my boorish behavior.

Would she ever stop surprising me? Regardless, I should have been more tender with her, instead of ripping her clothes off and ravishing her like a brute.

I'd told her once before that she didn't have to choose. That she could have any part of me she wanted or none at all if that was better.

She chose me. She _married_ me. And she deserved to know that I had no intentions of sharing my wife with anybody, even if my delivery left something to be desired.

_Mind if I come in?_ Esme's thoughts broke into my reverie from outside the door.

"You're always welcome, Esme," I said pleasantly in a voice too quiet to wake Bella.

Esme closed the door behind her and stepped soundlessly into my, er, our room. "I'm sorry for the intrusion," she smiled apologetically, pulling up a chair next to the bed and sitting down.

"I know you will be busy with Charlie tomorrow, and I just wanted to catch up with you before things get hectic with the move back east.

"Sooo? How was your trip? We missed you two around here!" Esme said warmly, squeezing my hand that rested on top of the comforter.

"We had a marvelous time! It was just like you said it'd be. I didn't think it was possible for your garden to be even more stunning in person than it is in your memories. I hope you and Carlisle can make it back there soon."

Esme considered that for a moment. "Our 85th anniversary is coming up...Who knows? Maybe we will!" I made a mental note to buy them airline tickets as a gift.

"Thank you again, Esme, for letting us borrow your island. It was the best _first_ honeymoon either of us could have ever asked for," I chuckled. "I'm sure Bella would love to tell you all about it when she wakes up.

"Oh...and full disclosure," I muttered, "you are the proud new owner of two new four-poster beds. Alice assured me you'll approve of the replacements," I said ruefully, looking down at my lap.

"Beds are replaceable. She isn't," Esme nodded to Bella. "I'm just so proud and thrilled for you, my boy. You deserve every bit of the happiness I see on your face. It's been such a long time coming!" She gushed, and then Esme's gaze fell upon Bella's peacefully sleeping face.

_I could just kiss that girl._ Her thoughts were saturated with gratitude and satisfaction.

I smiled and nodded, "I know just what you mean."

"Well, I'll get out of your hair. I just wanted to stop in and say welcome back. Renovations at the new house are going well. Everything should be move-in ready by the time we get into town."

"Thanks for stopping by Esme. And just...for everything. This family doesn't work without you," I said honestly.

"This family doesn't work without any _one_ of us. And don't you forget it!" Esme said with put-on sternness and swatted me on the leg before heading for the door.

_A new home and a new daughter_. _What a special time this will be for all of us._ Esme's thoughts were hopeful as she drifted out the door.

Alone again with my sleeping wife, I reached for the Dartmouth College course catalog on my nightstand and perused the offerings.

On the plane ride home, for one of the brief windows of time when she'd actually been awake, I'd asked Bella how she wanted to go about registering for courses.

Biting her lip in that way she did before she was about to deliver bad news, she told me that she really wanted to be able to fully immerse herself into her coursework, and she didn't think she'd be able to do that if I attended classes with her.

I carefully contained my disappointment and told her I completely understood. And I did.

I chuckled in spite of myself. This would be the first time I chose my major based on the proximity to another department. Somewhere in the back of my mind Emmett was laughing at me and cracking an imaginary whip.

I looked at the campus map. The Department of English and Creative Writing was housed right in the middle of the campus at Sanborn House.

What luck! I tapped my finger on the page. Sanborn house was just a short walk across The Green to the Hopkins Center for the Arts. Music Composition classes for me then. Excellent.

I imagined bumping into her at the coffee cart and buying her one of her favorite chocolate croissants and walking her to her next lecture, arm in arm. And she'd talk animatedly about Virginia Woolfe or Charlotte Bronte, while getting bits of powdered sugar on her chin, and then I'd…

Just then a voice in my head cleared its throat.

_Is this, um, a bad time?_

I clenched my eyes shut. Busted fantasizing about my wife. Awkwardsville. "What's up Jazz?"

He was too much of a southern gentleman to enter while Bella was in her evening attire, even just her old sweats-to my favorite sister's chagrin. So he said, or rather thought his piece through the wall.

_Welcome back, man! I couldn't believe the energy coming from this side of the house was yours. I had to come see for myself._ I could hear Jasper laughing quietly in the hallway. _It's amazing what a good roll in the sack will do for one's disposition!_

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, but laughed in spite of myself. That would not be the last of the barbs about my long-standing virginity. Not by a long shot.

"Did you _need_ something, Jasper, or are you just here to annoy?" I quipped.

_Just to inform you that Isabella Cullen is officially recognized by the United States government and that she's been successfully added to the family accounts. Are you going to tell her that she woke up a billionaire, or should I?_ He snickered.

I sighed, thinking of Bella's future (bad) reaction to that particular detail. _"_ Good night, Jasper," I said with a slight edge.

_Good to have you back!_ Jasper sauntered off, singing "Like a Virgin" under his breath as he walked away.

Bella and I moving into our own place, albeit on the same property, couldn't happen fast enough!

I sighed contentedly. Our own place! No curfews, no windows to jump through, no fathers to avoid. No _wolves._ And by some miracle, no carefully enforced intimacy boundaries to abide by either. Well...not many.

It was more than I could have ever hoped for the first months of our life together as a married couple, particularly while Bella was still human.

Bella's face popped into Jasper's head just then. I wasn't trying to hear him, but I was particularly sensitive to thoughts involving Bella.

_I could kiss that girl_ , thought Jasper from his and Alice's room a floor down.

He meant it in a very brotherly way. Jasper was elated about the sunnier emotional climate in the house that he had correctly attributed directly to Bella..

"Bella has that effect on people," I muttered wryly.

*BPOV*

"Hi, Dad!" I said as the door swung open. Someone was excited to see me. We hadn't even made it all the way up the front walk yet.

"Hiya Bells!... Edward," he acknowledged with a nod over my shoulder as he hugged me tightly. I was impressed. His tone could have been mistaken for friendly.

"Nice to see you, Charlie," Edward smiled, as always impeccably polite.

"You two don't look very tan for a couple of kids who spent the last few weeks on a beach in _Brazil._ What'd you do? Stay inside the whole time?"

He seemed to think about what he'd just said and grimaced, turning a concerning shade of puce.

"Well, come on in. You don't need an invitation." Charlie stood aside letting us pass through the door.

"Whatcha got there, Edward? " Charlie gestured to the bags of groceries in Edward's arms.

"Bella wanted to cook a few of your favorites to stock your freezer with, so we stopped at the store," Edward replied before disappearing into the kitchen to put the groceries away.

"Bella.." Charlie's voice was disapproving. "I only get to see you for this one day before you take off across the country for school. As much as I appreciate it, you shouldn't be cooking for me! I can take care of myself."

"Getting married didn't suddenly make me into some great conversationalist, dad. Besides, isn't there a game on? Go relax, it'll be just like old times!" I encouraged. He looked uncertain.

"Go on! Grandma Swan's meatloaf isn't going to make itself," I gave him a little nudge toward the living room where a baseball game was already blaring on the television. "We can catch up over lunch," I promised.

He didn't seem to need any more convincing. "You're the best, kid!" He clapped me on the shoulder and scuttled off to the living room with hardly another word.

"How can I help? Edward asked eagerly.

"You want to help me _cook?"_ I asked. That was new. Whenever I cooked for Charlie and me, he usually just kept me company in the kitchen.

"Sure! I rather enjoyed cooking for you on the island. I bet it would be even more fun to cook _with_ you," Edward said, reaching over my head to easily retrieve a heavy cast iron dutch oven from a high shelf before I could concuss myself.

I tossed my non-crying husband an onion. "½ inch dice?"

"Yes ma'am," he saluted with a chef's knife in his hand.

And we worked like that for much of the morning, side by side, talking and laughing and making food for Charlie.

With Edward slicing, dicing, and chopping at an inhuman rate, we made great time assembling dishes of Meatloaf, Chicken Pot Pie, Spaghetti sauce, and a big pot of beef stew ladled into smaller portions for the freezer.

I was somewhat surprised to see the fridge so well-stocked. Then I saw the bag of fish fry labeled with Sue Clearwater's handwriting, and a warm feeling settled over me. Charlie was going to be ok.

"Bella?" Edward asked, loading the dishwasher.

"Hmm?" I replied, still distracted by thoughts of Charlie and Sue.

"What's 'good cheese'?"

Later, around the kitchen table, Charlie began, "So Bells," he swallowed a bite of his meatloaf sandwich, "any plans to go to La Push while you're here? I know Jake would love to see you."

Edward, who had been pushing a small amount of food around his plate, froze where he sat, but he didn't look at me.

"No, Dad. I don't think that would be a very good idea," I answered quietly. The tension left Edward's rigid pose as if someone had let the air out of him.

"Bella," Charlie's voice was full of reproach, "Jake's been a good friend-"

"Dad," I gritted my teeth, "The last time I saw Jake he was being kicked out of our wedding reception because he lost it and put his hands on me. At my own wedding. So no, I don't have anything to say to Jake."

Edward resumed pushing food around his plate, taking occasional bites and spitting it into a napkin folded over his lap when Charlie's head was turned.

Charlie's mouth gaped open but no words came out. "I-I didn't know. I didn't see him there…" he floundered for words.

All of that was beside the point and not the reason why I wasn't going to La Push, but it was a good enough reason to get Charlie off my back. What could he say?

After what had transpired between Edward and me on the island, I was resolved to never prioritize anybody else's feelings above Edward's ever again. Least of all Jacob Black's.

I would never be the reason for the hurt in Edward's eyes if I could help it, and I could definitely help this.

Obviously, that wasn't how I wanted to end things with Jake. _Of course,_ I thought he deserved better from me, and I would carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my existence.

But there was nothing to be gained from such a meeting except more hurt for the two people I cared most about, and I wouldn't do that to them again, no matter how much I selfishly wanted to.

Then there was the wolf part to consider. I was deeply ashamed of the hypocrisy Edward had so politely pointed out.

How could I reasonably ask him to sit by and watch my future disappear when the idea of Edward's future being in question had been utterly intolerable to me for any amount of time? I couldn't.

So it was settled. Maybe I'd write him a letter, tell him I was sorry that things had to end the way they did. Sorry that we could never get the friendship thing right. But that was the best I could do for Jake, and I was going to have to live with that.

I could see Charlie grappling with being my dad, being Billy's friend, and being a cop all at the same time.

"Do you want to press charges, Bella?" Charlie wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"No, Dad. I just want to get on the plane tomorrow and fly away and get on with my life. My life with _Edward._ " I squeezed his hand under the table. "It didn't work out with Jake...Sometimes things just don't work out."

It was a cheap shot and I knew it; He had once said the very same thing about my mom. But I needed an exit to this conversation.

"I'm real sorry to hear that, kiddo," Charlie stood up from the table, comfortingly squeezing my shoulder. Then he turned to put his plate in the sink.

"How are things going with Sue?" I asked, changing the subject. Let's see how he liked being on the hot seat.

"Good! Good, real good." Charlie said, returning to his seat."I'm taking Seth fishing next weekend. Sue worries he needs a father figure, and it's the least I could do for Harry's boy. Leah doesn't want anything to do with me, but Sue says not to take it personally because she acts that way with everyone…"

"She does," Edward and I said at the same time, then laughed. This confirmation seemed to mollify Charlie.

"That's really great, Dad. Seth is an amazing kid. I'm really going to miss him!"

"Me too, surprisingly," Edward added.

"Why surprisingly?" Charlie raised an eyebrow. I choked on my coke.

"The Quileutes don't like us much, that's all. I wish I knew why. " Edward shrugged, his eyes widened guilelessly.

Charlie nodded in understanding. "Bunch of superstitious baloney is what it is. This town is lucky to have your father heading up the hospital. Or we _were,_ anyway." Charlie amended with a frown, in acknowledgment that Carlisle had tendered his resignation at the hospital so that he and Esme could move closer to their kids attending university back east.

"Thank you! Carlisle has always thought that Forks is very lucky to have you, too." That brought on a full-on blush from Charlie.

As the conversation came to a lull, out of nowhere, Charlie slapped the table making me jump. "Well, this place isn't going to be the same without you, kid. I'm so damn proud of you, but I've been dreading this day for a long time," Charlie's voice wavered.

"Aww, Dad, stop, you're gonna make me cry," but it was too late for that.

He pulled me in for a hug and I pressed the side of my face into his chest. I felt the wiry hairs of his mustache catch in my hair when he kissed my head. I breathed him in, trying to remember every detail of this moment. I didn't know how many more Charlie hugs I'd get.

"Love you, Bells. You always have a home here, no matter how grown-up you get."

I heard Edward's breath catch in his throat. I could imagine the look he'd have on his face; it was probably the same one I wore on mine.

"Love you too, Dad. Forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anybody who thought the lemon in the last chapter was a bit out of left field, I just had to give it to him. Poor, serial-monogamist Edward offered to cuckold himself twice for Bella. The first time in Eclipse: "You don't have to choose, Bella, have any part of me or none at all if that's better. Just be happy."
> 
> And then again in BD when he offers up Jake's stud's services so she can have puppies (PUPPIES!) just to keep her from killing herself with the pregnancy. Ah! I can't EVEN with this kid. So that was my gift to him, lol, and it's out of my system now.
> 
> See you next time in New Hampshire, lovelies! Thanks for taking the time to read and review! Nothing gets me to put out updates faster!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. 😬 New Hampshire will be the next chapter. B&E couldn't very well leave Forks forever without saying goodbye to their meadow first, could they?

*EPOV*

I had braced for tears when we got in the car and pulled away from the curb. Instead, Bella sat woodenly in her seat and stared pensively out the window.

When she said nothing for the third traffic light in a row, I finally asked, "Sweetheart, are you alright?"

"I will be," Bella said with quiet certainty. "Tomorrow will be better. We'll be in our new house, starting a new school, in a new place with no memories and no reminders.

"Tomorrow I can start looking toward our future. But today...today all I can think of are the things I'm leaving behind," she explained, her voice starting to shake.

"What can I do?" I asked anxiously.

"Take me to our meadow. Make me feel something else. Remind me of tomorrow."

I made an abrupt U-turn and took the on-ramp for the 101-South. In record time, I had parked the Volvo in the gravel turnout near the trailhead.

I opened the passenger door and offered her my hand. She took it and wordlessly scurried onto my back.

With fall rapidly approaching, the colors of the meadow were beginning to turn.

The young maple saplings that intermingled among the never-changing conifer trees were a brilliant golden yellow.

The air had turned crisp and the shrinking summer daisies and buttercups were making way for wild heather and milkweed.

We made our way through the tall grass until we reached our usual spot, a slightly raised patch of clover in the dappled shade of an ancient Alder tree.

Bella sat down stretching her denim-covered legs out in front of her. Her hands reached out behind her, delicate fingers slicing through the clover into the earth to prop herself up.

Sitting down next to her, with the back of my hand I swept the curtain of her hair behind her shoulder so I could kiss behind her ear.

She needed help remembering what waited behind door number two? I could definitely help with that.

"You're going to love New Hampshire," I murmured into her ear between kisses down her neck.

She closed her eyes and hummed in approval. I proceeded to paint a rosy picture of our immediate future.

"Imagine living as close to New York City as we currently do to Seattle. We could explore a new museum every weekend." I kissed the corner of her jaw and worked my way down.

"See _every_ Broadway play." A sigh.

"Take a horse-drawn carriage through Central Park to see the world-famous marvel that is autumn in New York."

I sucked lightly on the sensitive patch of skin at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. This elicited a soft moan.

"And that's when we even bother to leave the house," I said with a soft growl, ghosting my hand down her back.

"Mmm, tell me more about _that_ ," she purred.

"I hope you're ready...It's a pretty big house for just the two of us. And I plan to make you scream my name in every room, on every horizontal surface, starting with our very..." kiss "...sturdy..." kiss "...bed."

"That _does_ sound enticing," she smiled.

" _In fact…_ I'll probably be the _reason_ you need extra tutoring," I chuckled.

"I hear strip tutoring is very effective," Bella giggled.

"Is there any other kind?" I said pulling my shirt off over my head. The lustful way Bella's eyes danced over my skin made me want to ravish her all over again.

"This was a very good idea," she smiled, laying down and pulling me on top of her.

"I'll say so," I growled, sliding my hands under her shirt, feeling the soft, warm skin of her sides.

"Do you have any idea how many times and ways I've fantasized about making love to you here?"

"About half as many as I have?" She challenged, turning pink all over.

She looked so beautiful, blushed and dewy, with her auburn hair fanned out around her.

My eyebrows rose in surprise. I'm not sure what was more arousing: the way she looked right then, or the idea of her fantasizing about me taking her in our special place.

"Do tell, Mrs. Cullen," I encouraged, taking my time peeling her blouse over her head while kissing every newly revealed inch of her creamy, pale skin. "Am I living up to your fantasy?"

" _Better,"_ she rasped. "You're always better."

She looked downright delectable in her lapis blue bra, my favorite color on her. My hand traveled up her back to the clasp.

"Better let me, this is my last one," she narrowed her eyes at me and arched her back so she could awkwardly unfasten it herself.

I grinned unrepentantly. "I wouldn't make it a habit of getting attached to your underthings."

Very gently, I pinched the narrow bridge of underwire between the two cups and pulled it away from her body as the straps slid down her slender, outstretched arms.

The crisp air sent a ripple of gooseflesh across her chest, tightening her nipples into rosy little peaks.

Her soft warm, skin puckered even more at the icy touch of my tongue.

Bella gasped and wantonly arched her back.

Laying a path of kisses to her other breast, I murmured, "Think of all the things two people can do in a house to themselves..."

I was about to say 'without worrying about waking up your father,' but swiftly changed tack.

"Laundry," kiss. "Cooking, " kiss. "Netflix and _quite_ a bit of chill." My wintry hands receded down her midsection to the waist of her jeans.

She moaned at this, deep in her throat as if she tasted something delicious.

Her jeans were next to go. Tight as they were, the stretchy fabric clung to her legs like a second skin as I peeled them over the fleshy curves of her calves and down to her ankles, and then all the way off.

With the tip of my nose, I drew a line from her belly button down the flat plane of her stomach to the tiny blue satin bow that embellished the elastic waistband of her panties.

"Look at these positively sinful little panties. Should I let them live?" I chuckled into the thin cotton covering her mound.

"Yesss," she whined, lacing her fingers in my hair and pressing her hips up into my chin that rested lightly on her pubic bone. "They're a set."

"It's your lucky day," I whispered to the panties, peeling them down her legs and dropping them in the pile with the rest of her clothes.

I got comfortable between her legs, wrapping my arms around her thighs, and locking her hips in place.

"Are you comfortable?" I breathed into her sex.

"Yes." It was spoken as a breathy sigh.

"That's good, Bella, because do you remember that thing I said about staying underwater for 24 hours without having to come up for air?"

Her wide eyes and galloping heart told me she did.

I raised my eyebrows and smirked at her suggestively. Then she flopped back on her back, taking the Lord's name in vain as I took the first, long, lick.

"Sweet mother of _fuuuuck,"_ she said in a low moan as my tongue flicked over a particularly sensitive spot.

I chuckled. "Naughty, Bella," I tsked. "You kiss your husband with that mouth?"

"Frequently," she gasped, as I slid a finger gently inside her.

"Not frequently enough," I disagreed, doubling my efforts on the little bundle peeking out of her soft folds.

"You seem to be coming up for air quite a bit," the little minx huffed between ragged breaths. My laughter vibrated her core, coaxing out another trickle of her sweet essence. Neither of us did much "coming up for air" after that.

I laid there, licking, sucking, and loving every inch of her until she seemed to forget how to speak altogether.

"Please, Edward, no more," she begged after her third climax. "I want _you,"_ she whined.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that, love," I teased.

Bella's eyes blazed in frustration. Annunciating every syllable with crystal clarity, she panted, "Fuck me. _Now_. Is that specific enough?"

The dirty word from her sweet mouth prompted a low growl to rumble ferally out of my chest.

"You really shouldn't have said that."

With my arms still wrapped securely around her hips, I rolled us, in vampire speed, so that I was on the bottom and she was effectively sitting on my face. Then I agilely jumped to my feet as she shrieked at her sudden change in altitude.

With one last parting kiss to her sweet center, I let her legs slide over my shoulders until her knees were bent over the crook of my arms, supporting her from behind with my hands.

I lined up the head of my rock hard, glassy smooth shaft to her core and pierced into her heat without needing to be told a second time.

Using my arms under her legs, I lifted her negligible weight back up and let her sink down on me, again and again, with just the slightest tap of my hips to welcome her warmth when our bodies collided.

Her head fell back, and her mouth hung open as she moaned and panted with every downward thrust.

Sheathing myself into her one last time, my hands balled into fists behind her back, and I withdrew from her at the last possible second, ejaculating onto the ground beneath her with a loud groan.

Still sprawled over my arms, Bella laid limp as a ragdoll, completely still except for the heaving of her chest.

When her heart settled back into its normal rhythm, I set her carefully down on her feet.

Her knees weren't ready to support her weight just yet, and I caught her under the arms before she toppled to the ground.

Picking her back up into my arms and cradling her against my chest, I asked with a short, throaty laugh, "Have you been thoroughly _reminded,_ Mrs. Cullen?"

"I think I just forgot everything I ever knew. You might have to remind me again."

I laughed and kissed her hair. "As irresistible as that sounds," I murmured, "we do have a plane to catch."

She seemed to notice for the first time that the sky had gone dusky with pastel hues of pink and orange. "Right. Let's get the Forks out of here," she giggled.

"That reminds me, we're going to have to have a little chat about that mouth of yours...When you curse you are entirely too sexy for your own good. It borders on dangerous behavior," I teased. Her cheeks rivaled the brilliant brushstrokes of pink that colored the horizon.

"Can you stand now, or shall I carry you to the car in all of your splendor?" I nodded to her nude form.

She blushed a deeper red and giggled. "I can stand."

When we returned to the house, the furniture had been draped over and steel shutters had been rolled down to cover the large windows that spanned the sides of the house.

Bella wore a look of shock.

"You'd be amazed how efficient you get at moving when you have to do it every six or seven years for a century," I mused.

Emmett sat behind the wheel of a huge uHaul and blared the horn as he deftly backed the monstrous truck down the winding, gravel drive. Rosalie sat in the passenger seat looking bored.

"You two smell like sex," he guffawed out the window. "Who wants to bet we can beat you guys there?" Rosalie leaned over his lap and rolled up Emmett's window before he could say anything else.

Shaking with laughter, Bella waved to the truck as it disappeared down the drive, catching Rose giving her a little wave in the side-view mirror.

"What happens to all of the cars?" Bella asked.

"As you can imagine, Jasper isn't a huge fan of airplanes, so he and Alice will be driving a rented car-carrying trailer."

As if on cue, the full-size trailer crunched up the gravel and parked in front of the garage.

"Hang on, I have to go load up the Volvo," I said, kissing Bella quickly on the head before leaving her standing in front of the house.

**BPOV**

Just then, Carlisle appeared at my side, and we stood in companionable silence for a few moments watching the cars get loaded onto the trailer one by one.

"Your first move as a Cullen. It's a rite of passage, you know," he chuckled and playfully leaned into me, bumping my shoulder a little with his. It was _such_ a dad-like gesture. I couldn't help but smile and bump him back, and he was sweet enough to pretend to be swayed.

"I know you're leaving behind quite a lot today, Bella. While I can never replace your father, and I'll never try to, I hope it helps to know that Esme and I consider you our daughter.

"We have for quite some time now, and we already love you like one of our own. We're so thrilled to have you join our family." Carlisle's words were as warm and as genuine as his smile.

"It does, Carlisle. It helps more than you know," I returned his smile. The Charlie-sized ache in my heart dulled by a few degrees.

Carlisle reached over and comfortingly squeezed my hand before sliding his hand into the pocket of his khakis pulling out the key fob to his Mercedes.

He wound up with his right arm, and like a cannon blast, the keys were launched directly into Jasper's waiting hand, some 200 feet away, in less time than it took me to blink.

Winking over his shoulder at me, Carlisle then went to help Esme who was locking up the front door while toting a large suitcase by the handle. The weight was nothing to her, I had no doubt, but Carlise insisted on carrying it for her anyway.

"Charlie and Sue will elope next spring. I've seen it." Alice's sweet voice tinkled from behind me. My hand flew to my heart in sheer relief and happiness at the news.

We stood there side by side, admiring our men from a distance. "Thank you, Alice. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must have deleted this chapter in its entirety three different times before I came up with something I was happy with, and now it might be my favorite. What did you think? Drop me a line and let me know! Thank you, truly, for all of you who take the time to read and review. Nothing drives me to put out new chapters faster!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On today's episode of Vampire House Hunters, Edward is a part-time dream analyst, and Bella is a wolf-whisperer. Their budget is fifty-gazillion dollars. Will they find the house of their dreams, or will Edward's controlling tendencies bleed them dry? (😂*slaps knee* I'll be here all week.)

**EPOV**

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, we're home," I whispered into Bella's ear. She was lying across the backseat of Carlisle's rented sedan with her head resting on my lap.

We typically booked evening flights to ensure we didn't arrive at our destination in the daylight hours. Between the late hour and her jetlag, Bella slept most of the way to New Hampshire.

"Get her to bed, Edward. The poor girl must be exhausted," Esme's 'mother hen' tone was more of an order than a suggestion.

"Yes ma'am," I obliged, carrying the still-groggy Bella out of the car into the balmy early-morning air.

I carried Bella down the short path to the guest house that was some 500-feet off to the east side of the main house.

It was a single-story A-frame structure, something between a cottage and a house. It boasted three bedrooms, a luxuriously renovated bathroom, a sunny country-style kitchen, and two matching rocking chairs on the porch.

"Is this it? Is this our house?" Bella asked in an awed voice. I set her down on her feet so she could get the full effect.

"This is it!" I beamed. She took a few steps toward the door, and I swooped her back up into my arms again, making her yelp.

"Thresholds are kind of my thing," I shrugged with a boyish grin and carried her through the unlocked door, setting her down once we were inside.

"Esme gave me strict orders to put you straight to bed, but let me give you the nickel tour first."

There was a combined living room/dining room with an overstuffed sectional couch that curved around the stone fireplace with a huge flatscreen tv mounted to the wall over the mantelpiece.

The dining room area was appointed with an intimate table for two.

The attached kitchen with its white cabinetry, stainless steel appliances, and butcher block counters was somehow country and modern at the same time.

There was a small island, with the same butcher block top, and two wrought iron bar stools.

Walking through more of the house, I flung open a door and switched on the light. "Spare bedroom #1. If you have no objections, I thought I could soundproof it and make it into a music room?" I asked.

"Of course, but why would you soundproof it? I love to hear you play," Bella's brow creased in confusion.

"You might not think so when you're trying to sleep," I chuckled.

"That's sort of a long-term solution for a short-term problem, isn't it?"

"We won't be living here once you've changed, Bella. Even miles away from the next house, it's still too close to town."

Bella frowned. "Of course not. I'll be the reason everyone has to move, _again_ , because I'll be too much of a monster to live so close to civilization," she sighed bleakly.

"It's not forever," I reassured her. "And didn't you see us in action yesterday? Moving is like any other Friday to us," I grinned.

I excitedly tugged her by the hand down the hallway and swung open the next door to the second spare room.

Bella immediately walked over to the far side of the room and curled up contentedly on the upholstered seat of the large bay window.

The view outside was of a trout pond that butted up against a densely wooded area at the base of Smarts Mountain.

"You're welcome to turn this room into a library, a study, a crafting nook-anything you'd like. Esme purposely left everything pretty bare because she thought the lady of the house might like to decorate it herself."

"Library. _Definitely_ a library," Bella's smile was ear to ear. She was stunning, framed by the mountain scene behind her. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and snapped a quick photo.

Because while mental pictures were great, they weren't the best for framing and hanging on the wall.

"Can we get one of those tall bookshelves with the rolling ladder, so I can glide around on it like Belle from Beauty and the Beast?" Bella asked with uncontained excitement.

"Anything you want," I chuckled, charmed by her childlike enthusiasm. "Come on. You haven't seen the best part, yet!" I nodded over my shoulder toward the door. Bella reluctantly pulled herself away from her new favorite spot.

The next stop was the master bathroom.

"We had to cannibalize a bit of the closet space to make room for the shower. But it's everything you asked for. Bench seat. Skylight. Rainfall showerhead, and even _more_ showerheads on the walls. And the clawfoot tub by the window came with the house.

Bella's eyes were huge; she looked like a cartoon character. "I'm going to have to get a part-time job to pay for the water bill."

I rolled my eyes. "Silly girl. That reminds me." I took the envelope from my back pocket and handed it to her.

Bankcard, credit cards, social security, passport, and driver's license all freshly issued with her new surname.

Looking closely at the heavy titanium AmEx black card in her hand, she tentatively asked, "Is there a spending limit? In case I want to go buy a yacht on a whim or something," Bella joked.

I just laughed and shook my head.

"Was that a 'no' headshake, or a 'you're a ridiculous woman' headshake?"

"Both," I pursed my lips, biting back a laugh.

Her eyes widened and she looked again at the credit card in her hand as if it might grow legs and walk away.

"I know the subject makes you uncomfortable, so suffice it to say, you don't have to worry about money. Ever. And neither do your parents."

The look of relief on her face was palpable. I knew she worried about Phil's ability to support Renee on the earnings of a minor league athlete.

And soon enough Charlie would be providing for a whole new family.

In a tone that was uncannily Charlie, she asked, "I don't have to worry about the Feds busting in and carting you away for tax evasion, do I?" Bella lifted an eyebrow suspiciously, but the smile never left her face.

"Evasion? Certainly not. Insider trading laws get a little fuzzy. Though, the authorities would have an awfully hard time proving that Alice can use her gift to see stock futures," I shrugged, unconcerned.

"Well, that's nifty," Bella snorted.

"Quite." I flashed her a grin. "Shall we?" I offered her my hand, excited to show her our bedroom.

I pulled her through a different door than the one we came in through, the door that adjoined the bedroom to the bathroom.

It had been decided to leave our old bed in Forks since it wouldn't make it here in time for Bella to use when she arrived.

The new one was a low profile 4-poster bed (made of carbon fiber, my design) with panels of intricately filigreed wrought iron for the head and footboards.

The bed was adorned with a quilted duvet. Navy blue, inspired by the nude sun-bathing incident on Isle Esme. Though, I opted for a synthetic filling instead of goose down for obvious reasons.

Opposite the bed was a stone accent wall housing a gas fireplace and another TV.

Adjacent to that wall was a set of patio doors. These ones opened up to the trout pond we'd seen from the library.

I stood there, a bit nervously, watching as Bella surveyed her surroundings. She gingerly wrapped one of her hands around one of the bedposts and had to hop a little to sit on the tall bed.

"Esme called it 'cabin chic," I supplied with a nervous-sounding laugh. "And Alice will be here tomorrow to stock the walk-in closet," I pointed to the door next to the bathroom.

"Well, it's _perfect_ , of course. Or it will be as soon as you crawl into this bed with me," she said, kicking off her sandals and crawling under the covers.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, pleased by her reaction. I shut off the lights and turned on the fireplace for ambiance, and quickly went to join Bella in our bed.

Settling into my arms, she asked with a yawn. "So when does the semester start?"

"Today is Saturday. Tomorrow is the new student orientation, and then classes start on Monday," I said matter-of-factly, giving her a little squeeze.

She hummed in receipt of that information. "You never did tell me what you decided to study this time around."

"Music composition," I answered, guiltily omitting the fact that my classes would be in a building just across the way from hers.

I hadn't planned that for any obsessive, protective reason-well, not protective anyway.

The truth was that I had a whopping crush on my wife, and I just wanted to be near her, always.

"What about you? Did you find any interesting classes to sign up for?" I asked pleasantly.

"Oh, _yes,"_ she said excitedly. "I can't believe I haven't told you yet. I'm taking an overview of Shakespeare, another course called _Romance in Medieval England,_ and the one I'm _most_ excited about... _Early Modern Literature and the History of Sexuality."_

My eyes widened in response.

"I thought you could help me study for that one since you were around for that," she giggled.

"Was that an _old man joke?"_ I asked with put-on indignance. She shrieked and squirmed to get away from me as I mercilessly tickled her ribs.

"First of all, the early modern period ended a hundred years before I was born, _thank you very much._

"...Second, and more importantly, I would hope that my _age_ is not the reason you would want my help studying for a _sexuality_ course," I teased over the sounds of her breathless laughing.

"K-kidding! Now quit it before I pee myself," she said, red-faced, between uncontrollable giggles.

My fingers stilled, holding her close to me. I sighed contentedly, listening to her breathing slow.

"I really want to break in this pretty bed, but I'm just so," she yawned loudly, "tired," she finished redundantly.

"I think that's allowed. You've flown for over 10,000 miles and been in three different time zones over the past 72 hours. Rest up, my little jet setter. If you wake up and I'm not here, don't panic. I'll just be over at the main house helping Esme get unpacked."

She mumbled an unintelligible response into her pillow and was soon sound asleep

I didn't tell her that I'd be able to hear her from the larger house. The longer she had the illusion of privacy, the better. I'd have to see what Emmett wanted for his silence on that little matter.

It made me absolutely crazy that Bella felt so self-conscious about her human needs as if _she_ were the anomaly. As if the urge to use a toilet was somehow more shameful than a never-ending urge to _murder._

What Rosalie wouldn't give for the ability to defecate, I snorted to myself. What any of us wouldn't, for that matter. Except for Emmett, who was rather content with his lot in life, and Alice who couldn't remember being any other way.

I followed Esme's thoughts to the kitchen where she was putting away groceries, of all things.

"How's it going, Mom? Anything I can help with?" I asked, quickly unloading the last bag of Bella staples that Esme had thoughtfully thought to provide.

To Esme, Bella was something like having a new baby to care for. Though instead of diapers and formula, Esme's new baby required pop tarts and soda pop.

"No dear, not until Emmett and Rose get here tomorrow with the rest of it...How is Bella managing with everything?" Concern was apparent in Esme's warm, golden eyes and in her thoughts.

Folding my hands together, I rested my elbows on the warm marble of the kitchen island and blew out a breath.

"Fine, I think. She seems excited about the new house and about starting classes.

"...Though, I'll be eager to talk to Jasper when he gets in. I didn't get a chance to talk to him about anything other than moving logistics yesterday."

Esme gracefully slid into a barstool next to me and crossed her legs.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You may not hear her mind, but you know her heart every bit as well as Jasper does."

I smiled somewhat disbelievingly. "I hope you're right about that."

While getting married might have lessened some of Bella's anxiety about the (nonexistent) possibility of me leaving her again, it hadn't done much to quell my own insecurities about _Bella's_ capacity to run if something someday became too much.

For example, saying goodbye to her father.

Every time I watched her give up a piece of her humanity, I watched with paralyzing fear wondering if this would be the final straw. How many blows could her love withstand?

She could stand losing Jacob and her other friends, apparently. But could she stand losing them _and_ her parents? Could she stand losing Jacob _and_ her friends _and_ her parents _and_ her fertility? Which sacrifice would be one too many?

Bella's anxiety over my leaving her would be almost _funny_ if it didn't gut me so much.

If anybody had any real cause to fear a separation now, it was me. Not that she could trust that, trust _me_ , after my total jackassery last year.

If Bella hadn't asked me to 'remind her" yesterday in the meadow, I probably would have done it anyway.

"Tampering with her memory," I'd called it once before. Though when her worst fears were as ridiculous as my running into a _tree_ , the action hadn't felt so….coercive.

But as I'd told Jacob, I wasn't taking anything for granted. I would fight for her, and I wouldn't necessarily fight fair. And I was beginning to realize, and more than a little ashamed to admit... that maybe that applied to her, too.

"You're doubting her," Esme's voice broke me from my abstraction. "I can see it in your face."

I smiled a little ruefully. Who needed supernatural vampire gifts when you could be a mom? Certainly not Esme.

"Not _her_ so much _,_ but rather my hold on her. I keep watching her give up so many pieces of herself to be with me. I find myself wondering when she'll wake up and realize that I'm not worth it." I hung my head. Esme rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed. "What does that girl have to do to prove that she's not going to give you up? She had me at 'You have such a lovely home,'" Esme smiled fondly, remembering their first meeting.

In a sterner voice now, "Have a little faith. Bella is as tough as they come, and she can handle this.

"And if you want to save yourself an argument later on down the road, I suggest that you stop using your brother like the key to her diary.

"If you want to know how Bella feels, ask her. And if she doesn't want to tell you, well then you've got bigger problems," Esme pointedly raised her brow.

I groaned in exasperation. "I already ask her twenty-five times a day what she's thinking. I'm supposed to ask her what she's _feeling_ , too?" I put my face in my hands.

Esme laughed good-naturedly and patted my shoulder. "It'll all work out, my boy. You'll see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this one was a bit of a snooze with all the house descriptions (but still necessary), so I waited to post this until I had a bonus chapter to post along with it. Happy reading! Thanks for taking the time to review! I always love to hear your thoughts, questions, and suggestions! Til next time! 


	36. Chapter 36

*BPOV*

"To your left," the bubbly student tour guide gestured with an open palm, "is the Baker Library. I hope you'll pardon our dust because the brand new state-of-the-art Cullen wing is currently under construction," the blonde said.

I choked on the complimentary bottle of water that I'd thirstily grabbed out of my Dartmouth College new student swag bag.

Edward had the nerve to widen his eyes innocently as I glared at him. "We're going to talk about this later," I hissed through gritted teeth.

"Calm down, Bella. It's a very common name," he said, fighting a smile.

I poked him in the chest so hard that my joints protested. "No. Gaslighting."

"Moving right along," the guide chirped, walking backward, "I hope all you English majors are paying attention because right over there is Sanborn House, that will be your home base."

Edward's eyes lit up, "Look, Bella," he pointed to the brick building covered with creeping vines of ivy. "Your classes will be there!" he exclaimed, clearly trying to distract me.

"The grassy quad area coming up is what is commonly called The Green. It's where most campus-sanctioned activities are held.

"...If you have any interest in Greek life, the fraternities and sororities will all have booths set up here this week and you can chat with the members. I'll be there with a few of my sisters at Sigma Delta," she pointed to a pin on her green Dartmouth College sweater.

"The easiest way to remember the campus layout is if you imagine The Green at the center of a compass." She turned in each direction, pointing out the various landmarks.

"To the north are the language arts buildings, dorms, and Greek residences. To the east are the math and science buildings. Just south of The Green are the fine arts buildings and auditoriums. History and philosophy is west, and athletics is way down in the southeastern corner…"

Luckily for Edward, we were busy the rest of the morning being herded through orientation minutia such as taking photos for our student ID cards and buying the books for required reading so I didn't have the chance to yell at him properly.

"Jesus, that costs _how_ much? For _books?_ What are they made out of? Phoenix feathers and unicorn hair?" I verbally assailed the pockmarked student who rang us up.

" _Bella,"_ Edward said in a low voice, pulling a card out of his wallet, "Let him do his job. _He's_ not the one that you're mad at," he murmured, sliding the card across the counter.

The employee pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose uncomfortably, "Well, if you'd like to buy used copies-"

"That won't be necessary. _Thank you,_ Eugene," Edward said in a too-friendly voice, taking his receipt and the two heavy bags of textbooks and leaving before I could make a bigger scene.

I was embarrassed about my outburst before I even left the bookstore, of course, but stubborn to the very end, I stomped all the way back to the car in stony silence.

"You're blowing this wildly out of proportion, you know," Edward said in a maddeningly patient voice as he stowed the book bags in the trunk of the rental car and shut the lid.

"Edward, in your many years on this planet, how many women have you known to respond well to being told they're overreacting?" I fumed as I sank down into the passenger seat.

Edward, who had been holding the door open for me, closed it softly behind me and slid behind the wheel a moment later.

Closing his door, he huffed out a breath in exasperation and turned to look at me. "Bella, it's just money! A resource that we have a near limitless supply of. There's no sense in-"

"It's not just the money, Edward. You let me think I got in here on my own merit," I said as hot, angry tears blurred my vision.

His face softened and his voice was pained. "Bella, you _would_ have gotten in here on your own merit if it hadn't been for me. I wasn't about to let you settle for the University of Alaska when-"

I interrupted him again. "How the hell do you figure?" I demanded.

Edward's eyes turned sad. "I know I don't have to tell you how much your GPA suffered when I left. _My_ fault. How can you blame me for wanting to fix what I broke in this one small way?"

I sighed, all traces of anger had vanished. "Edward...a university library is not what I would call _small."_

"It's only a wing," he smiled crookedly and started the car. "And you never would have known about it if the office of admissions had any idea what _anonymous_ meant," he muttered, accelerating down the street.

" _What_?"

"What?"

*EPOV*

Well, _that_ went swimmingly I thought with an inward groan.

"So other than the library, what did you think of the campus?" I asked, trying to keep my tone upbeat.

The corners of Bella's mouth twitched into a reluctant smile. "It's amazing, obviously. It felt like my first day at Hogwarts. I kept waiting to be sorted into our houses," she admitted with a bashful sort of laugh.

"No sorting hat, but they _do_ have a quidditch team," I grinned, enjoying the way her eyes lit up.

After a beat of silence, I asked "So what would you like to do with the rest of our afternoon? The sky's the limit,"

"Can we go find another bookstore so we can start to fill up _our_ wing of the Cullen library?" Bella suggested.

"As long as you promise to be nice to the salesperson," I teased.

Bella cringed. "Poor Eugene. I should try to find him again and apologize."

"He'll be ok. He wanted you to come back and yell at him some more. Can't say I blame him with how you look today," my eyes raked over her desirously.

Bella looked particularly ravishing in a vintage peasant top and a short denim skirt that showed off her shapely legs. Coming to a stop at a red light, I leaned over and kissed her throat.

"On second thought, we could just go home and I can buy the books online. Probably safer for the booksellers of Hanover that way...Who _knows_ what I might say to the next one?"

I nodded. "It's the responsible thing to do," I agreed, smiling widely, easily catching up to her mood.

*BPOV*

"Looks like Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rose have arrived," Edward announced about a mile from the house.

"Can your online book shopping spree wait just a few minutes? I told Esme I'd help unload the trucks...And Alice is waiting for you back at our place. She wants to show you how to use your closet," Edward asked with a somewhat guilty expression on his face.

"So much for that whole 'vampires need to be invited in before they can step inside your house' trope…I've never met a vampire to be that polite," I muttered.

The sound of Edward's boyish laughter filled the car.

"Just another myth to help the fleshies feel like they have a sporting chance," Edward chuckled as he pulled the rental car to a stop in front of our house.

"I wonder if humans will evolve to have eyeballs on the sides of their heads like other prey animals?" I asked, waving at Alice who was waiting for me in one of the rockers on the porch.

"Well, I'm sure glad I met you before _that_ happened...though come to think of it," Edward took my chin in his hand and stared intently into my eyes. "Your eyes _do_ look a little farther apart than they did a year ago," he teased, kissing me on the nose.

"Back in a bit," Edward promised and flashed to the other side of the car to hold the door open for me. "Have fun with Alice!" He kissed me lightly on the lips and then he was gone.

" _May I come in?"_ Alice asked tartly as I skipped up the steps to the porch. "I wouldn't want to be _rude."_

"Aww, don't be silly, Alice, you're always welcome," I hugged her in greeting. "Now...eavesdropping though? Now _that_ would be rude," I laughed as she stuck her tongue out at me.

Once inside, I only had time to quickly kick my shoes off by the door before Alice was tugging me impatiently toward the bedroom.

"Tell me _everything_! It was torture trying not to look the whole time you two were gone," Alice said sitting down at the foot of our bed and pulling me down next to her.

"Ohh, you came for girl talk. Well, why didn't you say so?" I teased. "I would've been much happier to see you than for the whole walk-in closet pretense."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me and gritted her teeth. "It's not a pretense," she growled indignantly, waving a hand toward the closet. "But I mostly do want to hear about your trip."

"Well, it was spectacular, of course. We went cave diving, I swam with dolphins, we jumped off a waterfall—"

"I wasn't asking about the _sight-seeing_ , Bella," Alice interrupted impatiently, quirking an eyebrow at me as if I was missing something obvious.

"Alice, that's private!" I felt the blood rushing to my face.

"Nothing in this family is private, Bella. Get used to that."

I closed my eyes remembering the whirlwind of our limbs intertwined, his lips on my skin, the feeling of being enveloped by him, of never getting enough. And of course the feathers.

In a small voice, I breathed, "It was perfect. _So_ perfect. He was so sweet and tender, and gentle…but…"

"But?" Alice prodded.

I sighed. "But apparently not quite gentle enough that first time," I admitted. "Though I don't remember him ever holding me too tight, there were a few bruises, and he was upset," I frowned.

"This is why you make him so crazy with worry, you know! You're always so quick to downplay your injuries. I did see _that_ , unfortunately, and be real, it was more than a _few_ bruises, Bella," Alice said reproachfully.

I rolled my eyes. "So that first week was a bit of a bust. He was so upset with himself he hardly touched me. All that lingerie you packed did _nothing_ to tempt him. We played a lot of chess," I said acidly, rolling my eyes again at his stubbornness.

"Oh, I think it did more than you realize," Alice giggled, "But go on."

"And then one night I woke up from a dream, a sexy dream, and sort of...wouldn't take no for an answer," I laughed awkwardly, remembering the bizarre crying episode.

"What I wouldn't give to see Edward try to handle that!" she trilled delightedly, her head thrown back with laughter.

"Well that time went smoother, and he seemed to realize after that that we just needed a bit of practice. Which was what I had been trying to tell him all along!" I threw my hands up in exasperation.

"Bella, surely you must see things from his side, at least a little bit. He _hurt_ you, pretty badly from what it looked like. Could have killed you. Think of what that must have felt like to him. Seeing his own _handprints_ on your body."

I scowled. "Edward refusing me hurt me _more._ "

"I get that, too. But I hope you understand what a huge undertaking that was. The men have been buzzing about it since you left.

" _None_ of them, not even Carlisle, think they could manage to have sex with a human without breaking bones, so cut Edward some slack.

"...That said, I really am very happy that it all worked out for you. Jazzy couldn't _believe_ how different Edward's energy was when you both came back. So whatever you're doing, keep on doing it!" Alice's laughter tinkled musically in my ear.

"That's sort of the plan," I laughed, blushing again.

"Oh, you don't have to tell _me_ what your plans are," Alice winked. "So why don't you let me show you your closet so that I can leave as soon as Edward gets back in about 2 minutes." Alice was already off the bed and tugging me toward the closet.

*EPOV*

It didn't take more than a few minutes to unload the cars and uHaul. Delivering a wardrobe to Emmett and Rosalie's room, I greeted Emmett who was sitting on the floor assembling their bed.

Emmett pinched a screw between his thick fingers, threaded it through a washer, and with the slightest twist of his fingers drilled the screw firmly into place, no power tools required.

"I see my little sister is still in one piece, so I guess congratulations are in order," Emmett laughed, all dimples and bright white teeth.

"Har har, Em. Go ahead and get it out of your system. She's alive. The 100-year old virgin has left the building.

"...Yes, I'm in a much better mood, and if you want your limbs left intact, you'll keep the apple pie thought to yourself," I threatened with a pleasant smile. Though always happy to see him, I extended a fist out for him to bump just the same.

"Glad you're back, man. It gets boring around here without Bella punching wolves and tripping over air," Emmett guffawed.

"Speaking of Bella, I have a small favor to ask."

Emmett looked up at me now, his golden eyes sparkling with intrigue.

"It would really help me out, _a lot_ , if you could let Bella believe, at least for the remainder of her human life, that none of you can hear us at our house.

"...She's already _so_ self-conscious about just being human around us that if you start teasing her about the things you hear...it would just be better for everyone if she thought she had some privacy. Unless you prefer the old, grumpy, _celibate_ Edward, that is."

"I'm hurt, Edward. Do you really think I'd cockblock a brother like that?" Emmett pressed his bear-paw-sized hands to his chest, pretending to be insulted. The booming laughter in his head was almost painfully loud.

I arched an eyebrow, unfooled. "Wouldn't you though?"

"You're right. I totally would," he laughed out loud now. "What's in it for me?"

"What do you want?" I sighed, bracing for the worst.

"You can pay Jasper the money I owe him. He made it here first. Fucking Jersey Turnpike…" Emmett glowered and shook his head as he turned another screw, this time making sparks.

"DONE! Thanks, Em!" I clapped my hands together in gratitude and bolted for the door.

"You probably won't want to thank me after you find out how much money I lost," he called after me in laughter.

On my way back to Bella, I picked up my baby grand piano that was the last thing left in the truck.

I balanced it on one hand like a pizza box, with a palm held up above my shoulder. I tucked the disassembled legs under my other arm and hopped lightly off the back of the truck.

Alice was just leaving as I was about the head up the front steps. She helpfully took the piano legs from me and set them down inside so that I could use both hands to turn the piano sideways to fit it through the door.

 _Can't say I'm surprised, but I_ am _impressed,_ thought Alice, thinking of the blushing, lovestruck expression on Bella's face from just moments ago.

 _I guess I'll catch up with you in about a decade when you two can finally keep your clothes on long enough to have company. Welcome back!_ She grinned and danced back up the pathway to the house in search of Jasper.

"Thanks, Alice! She probably has enough clothes in there now to last her at least that long," I laughed, not completely joking.

She looked back at me over her shoulder. _"_ Not at the rate _you're_ burning through them" she playfully snarled in accusation, and then she was gone.

Bella was sitting on the couch with the laptop open when I came through the door carrying the piano.

Her eyes bugged out of her head in astonishment. Another thing I'd miss when she was changed was the ability to impress her with such small feats.

I set my beloved instrument down on its side, quickly screwed on its legs, and moved it where I wanted it, then returned to the living room to see what Bella had gotten up to.

Peeking at her Amazon cart over her shoulder, I razzed, "It's not going to be a very much of a library if you've already _read_ all the titles in your collection."

"I was just...starting with the classics and expanding from there," she defended, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of peach.

Placing a hand on the back of the couch, I leaped over it in one smooth motion, landing next to her with a small bounce.

"May I add a few titles that I bet you'll love?" I asked, holding out my hands for the laptop.

She handed it over without complaint, "It's your library, too. You do that while I make a snack. I'm famished."

Bella ducked into the kitchen and I heard the fridge open and cabinet doors open and close as I scrolled through her cart to see what she didn't already have.

Getting to the end of the list, I froze to see the last item.

Leaving the laptop forgotten on the couch, I went to join Bella in the kitchen. She was making a sandwich while humming softly to herself.

I stood behind her and wound my arms around her waist, tucking my face between her neck and shoulder, kissing the soft skin there.

"I didn't see Kama Sutra on the required reading list for your history of sexuality class," I murmured into her ear in a distinctly husky voice.

"It _wasn't,"_ Bella answered, just as husky.

I growled at the desire I heard in her voice and tightened my arms around her, letting her feel my own arousal.

My hands roamed over her soft, feminine curves-her hips, her waist, the gentle swells of her breasts, all the while kissing up and down her throat.

Bella's breathing was ragged now, and her sweet, burning scent was intensified by the scent of her arousal.

I moved away from the right side of her throat, and switched to the other side, smiling into her skin when I saw the way she gripped the countertop to keep herself steady.

One of my hands drifted upward until I found her chin, and I tilted her face gently to the side so that I could claim her mouth with my own.

My other hand wandered south to the hem of her conveniently short denim skirt.

I heard her heart skip a beat as the cool skin of my fingers brushed her bare thigh. I lingered there for a moment, teasing her.

"I've been thinking about doing this all day, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered between kisses into the soft warmth of her mouth.

"Well, what took you so long?" Bella's lips smiled against mine. I growled pleasurably when I felt her hand grip my erection through the fabric of my jeans.

Dipping my hand under her skirt, I sucked in a breath when I only felt more of her skin.

"No panties?" I moaned, "Have you been like this _all day?"_ Bella gasped as my fingers found her warm, wet center.

"Well I certainly didn't take them off while Alice was here," she said with a breathy laugh.

With the tips of my fingers, I circled her swollen nerve center until I felt Bella's knees go weak beneath her.

I tightened my grip around her waist and rubbed ever so slightly harder until every muscle in her body was coiled like a spring.

"Do you want it here, Bella, or should we go back to the bedroom?" My voice was gravelly with need.

"It's as good of a horizontal surface as any," she panted, pressing herself harder against my fingers.

Bella hurriedly pulled her blouse and bralette over her head while I bunched her skirt up around her waist, I then turned her around and laid her flat on her back on the island with her legs in the air.

"Give me half a second," I asked, regretfully unprepared. It only took me half that long to lose my pants and grab a condom from the bedroom and be back between her legs.

Placing one hand just above her mound, my thumb resumed pleasuring her while my other hand lined up my cold, hard arousal with her soft, wet heat.

I penetrated her ever so slowly, feeling the molten heat of her core consume me inch by scintillating inch.

I hooked Bella's knees over my shoulders and started to rock into her as hard as I dared without hurting her, while still rubbing small circles over her sex.

"Oooh, Edward, please don't stop," Bella begged.

Bella's eyes were screwed shut, and her chest was flushed and glowing with perspiration. Her fingers curled tightly around the edge of the wooden countertop and her pert breasts bounced with the force of my thrusts. She was the most beautiful, most sensual creature I'd ever seen.

"Look at me, Bella. Look at me when you come," I rasped, feeling the imminence of my own release.

With a low groan, Bella arched her back off the table, and her muscles tightened around me as she teetered over the edge of her climax, panting and sobbing in the throes of her pleasure.

My own release came soon after. With a high, soft whine, I emptied myself into the condom and gently withdrew from her.

Worried about her back on the hard counter, I wrapped her legs around my waist, and picked her up, supporting her with an arm wrapped around her back.

Not sure what she would want most, I asked "Bath, shower, or bed?"

"A bath sounds like heaven," she sighed happily.

So I drew her a hot, lavender-scented bubble bath. Kneeling beside the tub, I rubbed the tension from her feet and shoulders.

It took almost nothing to dazzle her into telling me what she was thinking about in Alice's earlier memory—It was a face I was determined to see often, and with my own eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so refreshing to have them back with the rest of the gang and get to write some other voices other than B&E!  
> Thanks for reading and reviewing! I always love to hear what you think!


	37. Chapter 37

*BPOV*

While Hanover claimed more sunny days than Forks did, it wasn't usually until past noon that the sun was able to burn through the overcast mornings.

Our class schedules were carefully planned so that Edward would only be on campus for the earliest part of the morning, and the other courses he would attend online.

On the first day of classes, I roused to Edward gently shaking me awake. It was earlier than I was used to being up after having such a leisurely summer of sleeping as late as I wanted in the cool embrace of my husband.

"Time to get up, love. It's a big day!" Edward's velvety voice crooned in my ear.

I screwed my eyes shut, holding on to the last remnants of sleep. A deep, soft chuckle rumbled out of his chest, the vibrations tickling the side of my face.

One of his hands stroked the length of my spine over the sheet with long, languorous strokes.

Another gentle shake. "Wake up sleepyhead. Don't want to be late on our first day!" he said cheerfully.

Sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I grumbled. "A vampire is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to."

"If you're quoting Tolkien before you've even opened your eyes, then your butt definitely needs to be in class," Edward teased.

I threw the heavy comforter off of my legs, and stood up, looking at Edward for the first time. He was already showered and neatly dressed in a grayish-blue button-up with rolled-up sleeves worn open over a crisp white t-shirt and navy blue slacks.

"Keep looking at me like that, Mrs. Cullen, and we're _definitely_ going to be late," he smirked.

I blushed and sighed. "I don't think I'm ever going to get over how hot you are."

He looked like he would have blushed if he could. "I fervently hope _not_. _"_

Knowing I didn't like to be kissed until I had a chance to brush my teeth, Edward waited until I returned from the bathroom to hop lightly out of bed and greet me just outside the door.

He took my face between his hands and kissed me until I was dizzy with the intoxicating taste of him. "Esme will have breakfast ready for you in an hour. Meet you there?" Edward nodded west toward the main house.

"That's so sweet of her. I'll try not to get lost," I said in jest. The 15-room manse was hard to miss.

Edward smiled and stroked the side of my face with the back of his hand one last time before he disappeared out of the patio doors and left me to my ritual human hour.

*EPOV*

Having the hour to kill, I went to see Carlisle, whom I hadn't had a chance to catch up with since getting into town.

Uncertain which room he chose as his new office, I followed his thoughts upstairs to the western wing of the sprawling home.

His door was open, as it always was, and though I knew he could hear and smell me coming, I knocked on the door anyway out of courtesy.

Carlisle looked up from the medical journal he was paging through. "Edward, good morning! I didn't expect to see you quite so early. How are you and Bella settling in?"

"Starting to iron out our new daily routine, but hitting our stride, I think. How are you liking your new position at the hospital?" I asked, pulling up a chair opposite his desk.

Carlisle blew out an uncharacteristically frustrated breath, inadvertently fluttering the pages of his medical journal.

"The first week always has its challenges. It'll be better once some of the nurses settle down," he said somewhat ruefully.

I nodded in understanding. Every new hospital Carlisle worked for, he was greeted with the same slack-jawed admiration from a great many of the women he worked with, whether they were nurses or resident physicians, interns or cafeteria ladies.

And they weren't always women, either.

It had become something of a tradition for him to be seen having lunch with Esme every day for the first week or two until the message became clear that he was a happily married man. But sometimes that didn't even help.

"I can empathize," I said truthfully.

Starting a new school was always very draining because people were extra aware of us then, which meant we had to be extra careful.

The brave ones would come forward wanting to be study partners. The boldest, like Jessica Stanley, didn't bother to beat around the bush.

High school boys were almost always way too intimidated by Alice and Rosalie to approach them, and besides, Emmett and Jasper were always nearby.

But up until recently, I had always been the odd man out. The single one. The approachable one.

"Forgive me, Edward. That was horribly insensitive of me to complain. I can't even fathom how much worse it would be if I could also hear their thoughts," Carlisle said with a horrified expression.

"No need, Carlisle. I have the benefit of my brothers and sisters which keep most people at a distance. I can imagine how much worse it would be to be..." I laughed once, "fed to the sharks."

Thinking out loud, I mused, "It's probably for the best that Bella didn't want to take classes together at Dartmouth...

"The next time we have to go back to high school, I'll have Bella with me. And to be honest, I'm not sure if it will be better or worse, because then I'll have to hear all the bawdy adolescent fantasies about my _wife-o_ r worse- the thoughts of her male teachers while pretending to hear nothing...and acting merely as her boyfriend."

Imagining that, Carlisle and I recoiled at the same time.

"It's not always such a gift, is it?" Carlisle asked rhetorically. "If I had to hear somebody's every thought, I probably wouldn't have much interest in romance, either. I'm not sure a romantic relationship could survive that.

My wife's smiling face appeared in Carlisle's thoughts. "What a blessing it was that you found such a perfectly complementary mate as Bella."

"Like finding a unicorn in a sea of horses," I nodded emphatically.

"Where is she anyway? I'm surprised to see you alone. You two are usually attached at the hip," Carlisle smiled broadly.

His thoughts were devoid of criticism. Nothing made him happier than to see me so head-over-heels in love.

"It's human hour," I explained to Carlisle's uncomprehending face. "Bella prefers to go through her morning routine in private," I elaborated.

"Ahh, I see. Well, that makes perfect sense," Carlisle's face smoothed out in understanding.

"It does? To be honest, it makes me a little nuts that she should feel so self-conscious around me...

"She's my wife. I love her unconditionally. She's a beautiful, healthy human being. What could Bella possibly have to feel self-conscious about?"

Carlisle looked at me like he thought I was being a little bit thick.

"In a word: _everything._ She's a _teenager_ , Edward," he said as if that explained everything.

Carlisle put on his doctor's face. "Teenage girls rival even _you_ in the self-loathing department, Edward.

"They're conditioned by the media to hate _everything_ about their bodies. They have low self-esteem. They starve themselves to be thin. They self-harm...

"...They are easily manipulated into staying in abusive relationships. And the internet has made it easier than ever for them to be preyed upon by pedophiles and human trafficking rings.

"Teenage girls are easily one of the most vulnerable categories of patients I care for...That Bella even made it to the age of 18 as a virgin without first being the victim of sexual assault is...statistically significant," Carlisle's face was grim.

I growled involuntarily as Carlisle remembered the face of Bella's would-be rapist from Port Angeles.

Carlisle had personally incapacitated and delivered him across the border to the Oregon state police so that Bella could be spared the news of his arrest, and particularly his rap sheet.

I compared Bella to the list of tragedies he described and was disturbed by how many of those boxes she checked.

Bella had zero sense of self-worth. In my absence, she'd malnourished herself to the point of emaciation right before she jumped off a cliff.

God only knew in how many ways Jacob had manipulated her, and if I was being excruciatingly honest with myself-he hadn't been the only one.

Not to mention the chilling fact that she would've been the victim of a grisly sexual assault had I not intervened that night in Port Angeles.

I frowned. "So how do I empower her to value herself more and to take better care of herself?"

Carlisle smiled his patient smile. "It starts with respecting her boundaries, son. That is something that is going to take some restraint on your part."

He saw the confusion on my face. When had I ever _not_ shown restraint? Her very life was proof of that. I was the king, no, the _emperor_ of restraint.

"That's not what I mean," he shook his head, then played a mental reel of the times he'd witnessed me physically overpower Bella as if it were nothing.

Covering Bella's mouth with my hand to silence her. Forcing her to look at me when she spoke. Picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder like a literal caveman. The time I'd yelled in her face after the family had voted for her to join the family as an immortal.

I winced and swallowed thickly at the lump of revulsion growing in the back of my throat.

In the near-century that I'd known Carlisle, I'd never heard him so much as raise his voice to Esme, much less manhandle her.

After the violent abuse she'd been victim to at the hands of her first husband, Carlisle had made certain of that.

I'd modeled my behavior after my father, but it would seem I fell much shorter of the mark than I'd realized. Shame coursed through me at the knowledge.

"This is an instance when you can learn from Emmett. Emmett has had to work harder than any of us to control his strength, and if he'd tried any one of those maneuvers on Rosalie, stubborn as she may be, she would have had his guts for garters." Carlisle mused with a wry smile.

His thoughts held great admiration for my sister's strength and resilience.

"Bella doesn't have the ability to defend herself from you in the way that Rose has always had with Emmett, or Alice with Jasper, so it's even more crucial that _every_ touch be consensual. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded gravely, unwilling to meet his eyes.

"Edward, please don't think I'm judging you," Carlisle's voice was kind. "You are so new to this kind of love...

"Your brothers and I have had decades to learn what it means to be a good partner. None of us are without faults, and none of us had the added complication of courting a _human._ "

"How do I...How am I supposed to go meet her for breakfast in a few minutes and put on a smile for her first day of college when I feel like the world's biggest cad?"

"Find the will, son. You'll only feel worse if you let your feelings spoil her day."

*BPOV*

"I hope you're hungry!" Esme beamed, setting a stack of pancakes in front of me a foot high. There was also a pile of bacon, fresh fruit salad, and a tall glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice.

"Esme, this looks wonderful, but you do too much! You are going to spoil me!" I said, pouring maple syrup over the tower of hot, fluffy pancakes.

She'd even bought the good stuff from Vermont, not the maple-flavored corn syrup in a granny-shaped bottle that I was used to seeing at Charlie's.

"You're the baby of the family now, and that's my prerogative," Esme smiled unapologetically.

It wasn't easy for me to allow myself to be doted upon, but the look of sheer pleasure on Esme's face made it impossible to object.

I looked to the empty barstool next to me and wondered where Edward was. It was very unlike him to be late.

As if summoned, Edward strode in through the door; his face was serene. I immediately relaxed.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, love. I got caught up in conversation with Carlisle," he smiled and kissed the top of my head before he slid into the stool next to me. "He apologizes for not being able to join us this morning, but he had to head out to the hospital."

I nodded in understanding, unable to speak with a mouth full of pancakes,

Esme tapped her chin, deep in thought.

Just then Alice breezed through the door with Jasper in tow. "The blue Chanel dress," she blurted as if that should mean something to me. Esme pointed at Alice from across the room with a wide smile and answered back, "Thanks! I thought so, too!"

Next to me, Edward could only be described as giggling, hiding his smile behind a balled-up fist.

"What did I miss?" I asked, truly puzzled.

"You and me both, Bella," Jasper drawled as he met my bewildered eyes with an expression of amusement mixed with exasperation.

Edward leaned a few inches closer to me and explained, "Esme was wondering what _hot wifey_ outfit she should wear to intimidate Carlisle's admirers at the hospital. It's sort of a recurring problem when we start over in a new place."

My eyes widened. _Admirers at every new place?!_ I gulped. Well, that seemed all too obvious now that I thought about it. I had _been_ an admirer, after all, before I somehow got lucky enough to keep them.

Though, now I was not feeling very "Dartmouth material" about my decision to take classes separate from Edward. I knew if I was going to succeed here, I needed to be free of distractions while I attended my classes.

But now Edward, in all his perfection, would be playing his entrancing music for other music students to swoon over while I was off studying iambic pentameter in a completely different building.

I thought about asking Alice to help me pick out some hot wifey clothes, too.

Edward groaned next to me, and then his velvety voice was in my ear. "Bella, if you don't mind, I'd much rather I didn't have to see you in the thoughts of every frat boy on campus," he said, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind my ear before kissing me on the corner of my jaw.

I looked between Alice and Edward.

"So I can't plan something without you seeing it? And if you see it, he hears it?... Wow, that's going to get _annoying_ ," I said, stuffing another bite of pancake into my mouth to the uproarious laughter of my new family. I even heard Emmett's booming guffaws from wherever he was.

Jasper, still chuckling, put an affectionate arm around Alice and pulled her close. "Welcome to a day in the life of a Cullen, Bella."

*EPOV*

I could scarcely remember a time that I'd felt more thankful for Alice's gift than I did sitting at the kitchen island laughing with my family.

As truly loathsome as I felt about the nature of the conversation that had taken place in Carlisle's office, I knew he had been right that I needed to somehow tamp down the feelings of guilt and inadequacy I was stewing in so that I didn't spoil Bella's day today. She would only get one _first_ day of college.

So I would flagellate myself about that later, but right now I would smile and be a dutiful husband that would take my wife to school and wish her luck on her first day because that's what she needed from me.

"You about ready to go?" I asked Bella, as she swallowed the last gulp of her juice. She nodded and took her dishes to the sink before Esme could trouble herself. "Thanks again, Esme, that was spectacular!"

"It was my pleasure, dear. Have a great first day!"

Bella reached for her book bag on the floor, but I beat her to it. Swinging it over my shoulder, I reached for Bella's hand and we headed for my car.

After she was all buckled in, I put her book bag in the trunk, taking a moment to hide a small surprise inside for her to find later.

It was a quiet ride to campus. I could feel Bella's nervous excitement as she fidgeted in her seat. She flipped through the radio station presets twice before she gave up and switched the stereo off.

I pulled smoothly into a narrow space in the shade of a gnarled old oak tree on a side street behind the language arts buildings. Another surprisingly helpful perk of being a mind reader meant always being in the right place at the right time to score convenient parking.

When we had arrived at the front doors of Sanborn house, now bustling with students and faculty coming and going, I lightly hooked the strap of her book bag over her shoulder and kissed her sweetly goodbye.

I sighed, hating to walk away from her. Just before I turned to leave, I thought of an apropos parting quote:

"Love goes toward love as school-boys from their books, But love from love, toward school with heavy looks."

Applause broke out from a middle-aged man who had been passing by, obviously a professor by the looks of the patches on the elbows of his brown blazer.

"Bravo, Romeo! But you're going the wrong way if you're registered for my Shakespeare lecture."

"Afraid not, professor! Just a big fan," I grinned. Then to Bella, "Have a great class, love."

She waved goodbye and then was swept up in a group of students hurrying through the doors of the building.

*BPOV*

I took a seat near the front of the room when the same blazered professor strolled in through the doors, setting an aged leather briefcase on the instructor's desk at the front of the class.

Professor Chaney wrote his name on the whiteboard and went through the administrative tasks of handing out the course syllabus and taking attendance. When he called my name, I shyly raised my hand and said "present."

The professor met my gaze and smiled in recognition, his salt and pepper beard stretching over his broad chin.

"There must be some mistake because Juliet Capulet isn't anywhere on my roster," he winked at me before moving on to the next student down his list.

I smiled to myself, already starting to like the man, and reached into my bag to pull out a notebook and pen. Setting the first notebook I grabbed on my desk, I realized right away that it didn't look familiar.

It was a simple Dartmouth College notebook that could be purchased from the campus bookstore. On the cover, scripted in his instantly recognizable calligraphy were doodles by Edward.

Edward 💗 Bella

Mr. & Mrs. Cullen

Edward & Bella Cullen

And on the inside cover was a note:

I'll be thinking of your face with every note that I play

Study hard, my love, Shakespeare had a lot to say

I hope you're still taking good care of my heart

I'll meet you after class by the coffee cart

Eternally,

Your Edward

And just like that, I was once more just a girl with a crush on a beautiful boy at my new school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me on this fic, y'all! I'm having a lot of fun digging into their relationships and imagining what their married bliss would be like without Edward being so...erm..staunchly pro-choice? (Not that I blamed him...except for not wearing a condom. I mean it just seems very OOC that he would raw dog it and not worry about his fluids in her system. But there goes SM again, glossing over the finer details...) Thanks for your always wonderfully positive feedback. I can't wait to hear what you think of this update. Keep the comments and suggestions coming! Til next time, lovelies!


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd be interested in getting updates about my future writing projects that may or may not be posted here, join my mailing list! I promise not to spam you or sell your info. Thanks again for your continued support! 
> 
> http://eepurl.com/hpYIeb

*EPOV*

"Yeah, Dad, I'm really loving Dartmouth. My professors are all really cool….. It's a lot of reading every night, but I'm such a bookworm that it's not much of a chore…..I've been too busy getting settled in to get out much, yet. But the Cullens are close by so it never gets boring, and you know me, I'm such a homebody, just like you," Bella laughed lightly into the phone.

"How are the Clearwaters? Tell Sue and Seth I said hello."

She went quiet as Charlie launched into a story about his fishing trip with Seth which apparently went so well that they've gone again since the first time.

Idly twirling a strand of hair around her finger, Bella's smile was heartwarming as she listened to Charlie talk with surprising verbosity about the boy who would be his step-son if Alice's vision held true.

"That's really great, Dad. You sound happy…" another smile."I am. On Cloud Nine. Edward is taking very, very good care of me. I'll tell him you said hello. Ok, talk to you soon...Love you, too...Bye."

After Bella told me over dinner that she was going to check in on Charlie, I had drifted over to the dining room table with my laptop to give her some space to talk to her father. I had been tooling around with some music editing software when she ended the call.

Rejoining her on the couch, I pulled her into my arms. "That sounded like a good call," I said softly, kissing her hair.

"It was," she affirmed, but there was a catch in her voice.

I moved my hand toward her chin so that I could see her face, but stopped myself, placing it on her knee instead.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

Bella sighed. "It's just weird. I love talking to him and hearing that he's doing ok. Better than ok. But I can see what you meant, before, about the necessity of...a clean break."

I stiffened slightly, as I always did whenever the topic of my leaving her was brought up, even indirectly. _Clean slate,_ I reminded myself. No more apologies, no more looking back.

"It's just hard, saying goodbye to him over and over again. I wanted to tell him about our trout pond because I knew he'd love that. But I didn't want to give him a reason to want to come visit, either. And I feel bad about that."

I exhaled loudly, thinking of how best to comfort her. I readjusted my position so that I was kneeling in front of her. Folding my arms over her knees, I took her fidgety hands in my own and looked up into her pained, warm brown eyes.

"My sweet Bella... It's a perfectly normal time in your life to be splitting off from your parents and asserting your independence. Charlie knows that, and he wouldn't want you to feel guilty about it either. It's only natural to miss him, but you don't need to feel bad about living the life you've chosen for yourself."

Adding with a short laugh, "Knowing Charlie, I bet it comes as a relief to him that you're an old married lady, now," I teased.

"If you'd gone off to college as a single, unattached 18- year-old, he'd probably be giving himself nightmares about all of the reckless things kids do when they finally get a taste of freedom."

Bella snorted, "Because I'm _such_ a party animal," she rolled her eyes.

"Neither was Charlie, but you can bet he did some experimenting of his own!" I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

Bella's eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed. "What do you know that I don't?"

"Normally I wouldn't divulge this sort of thing, because they aren't my stories to tell. But I know for a fact that he will go to his grave before he tells you that he had a few wild nights drinking and driving with his friends when he was your age. He doesn't want you to think that sort of thing is ok just because he did it."

"Ha! You barely let me behind the wheel when I'm _sober!_ I'm curious though…"

I bristled at the word "let," but didn't press the matter. "What are you curious about?"

"What would you do if I wanted to get drunk or experiment with recreational drugs before I'm turned. Only human once, right?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. Her mouth curled into a smirk.

This was a test. She was testing me.

I blinked, trying not to show my panic. What was the right answer?

"If that is something you're interested in," I swallowed, "I...I would want to be with you. To make sure you're safe. And I'd have serious questions about the source of whatever substance you were taking. But it's _your_ body, Bella. It's never my place to tell you what to do with it."

Bella smiled, seemingly satisfied. "Don't worry. Shooting up heroin isn't very high up on my list. But it might be fun to get a little boozy if you promised to take advantage of me afterward," she waggled her eyebrows.

I took her face between my hands and moved in so that we were just millimeters apart.

"Isabella Cullen, what am I going to _do_ with you?" I teased, kissing her once, twice, three times.

"I can think of a few things," she whispered back with her eyes still closed. Her long, dark lashes looked even longer and darker pressed against the pale skin of her cheeks.

Bella shook her head a bit, as if clearing the fog, and then her eyes fluttered open.

"Who needs drugs when I have _you?_ You kiss me and it's like I can't think straight and all of a sudden my clothes start falling off."

"Now _that_ I'm happy to enable," I murmured, kissing her again.

Wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, she moaned in approval against my lips. "Edward, you're so much more fun now that you're not so…PG-13."

I threw my head back and laughed at that. "Just you wait until you're immortal and struggling to hold a pencil without breaking it, and then we can revisit how 'not fun' I was," I countered, smiling from ear to ear.

"No. Just _you_ wait until I'm immortal and can hold _my_ breath indefinitely," Bella dragged her hand across the bulge in my slacks.

With a growl, I sprung from my kneeling position on the floor and pounced on her, compelling her gently backward onto the couch as I held myself over her, lavishing her with a thousand different types of kisses.

When I reached for the top button of her blouse, she stopped me with a single finger on my chest.

"Nuh-uh. It's my turn." She pressed harder on my chest. I raised an eyebrow at her but was all too happy to follow her lead and let her push me back into a sitting position.

It wasn't hard to imagine that she wielded complete power over me within the tip of her finger. She did.

With as much grace as she possessed, Bella sank to her knees in between my legs. Nothing felt right about Bella being on the floor at my feet.

"Bella-"

The smoldering look she gave me dared me to stop her. "I love you. I want you. Right now."

Capitulating with a groan, I unfastened my pants and raised my hips so she could pull them off my legs by tugging at the hems. I pulled my shirt over my head but had less patience for the boxer briefs.

Bella tentatively wrapped her petite hands around my hard length. "I want to try something," she said in a husky whisper.

"You're just stealing my lines left and right, aren't you?" I teased with a hard laugh as I focused on keeping my hands on the back of the couch.

"You won't hurt me," she insisted.

But if she was wrong, if I slipped...it was unthinkable.

" _Try._ Just try. We can stop whenever you want."

For the love of all that was holy, how was I supposed to say no to _that_ when her hands were wrapped around my-" _Slowly,_ Bella," I cautioned severely. "And if I say stop-"

"I'll jump halfway across the room, Edward-style," she quipped. I narrowed my eyes at her. The sass on this one! But I sank obligingly back into the couch, giving her access.

The closer Bella's mouth came to my straining erection, the tighter my grip on the back of the couch became. The wooden frame creaked in protest.

"Relax," she urged, "And be still." Her warm breath washed over me sending a ripple of pleasure up my spine.

I nodded. _Still,_ I could do.

Keeping her big, beautiful, brown eyes on me, her full pink lips opened to accommodate my girth. The couch creaked ever-sharper under my grip.

There weren't words for the sublime pleasure of her mouth on my body. Hot. Soft. Wet..and when she sucked…

I threw my head back over the top of the couch as a long guttural groan tore out from low in my throat.

The heat of her mouth disappeared at the same time as I felt her warm hand on my chin.

"Let me see your eyes," she breathed. I lifted my head and gazed down at her. She was right, it would be easier to stay in control if I was looking at her.

Bella put her mouth back on me, working over me in earnest now. She used one hand to stroke the base of my shaft as her other hand explored lower, tentatively cupping me. I sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation.

As her confidence grew, she got more experimental. She'd make a small flourish of her wrist or flick her tongue along the sensitive ridge underneath.

I was as enthusiastic of a guinea pig as a person could be, moaning, whining, and panting at her attentions.

When she ducked below me and licked the underside of my hard length from base to tip, swirling her tongue around the head, I was done for.

"Bella..Bella, love, you need to stop," I panted with urgency.

Her response was immediate; her mouth pulled away, but her hands continued to stroke me. "Just my hands," she insisted. "I want to make _you_ come."

Those words from her sweet lips were my undoing. With just a few more pumps of her hand, I erupted with a loud moan spilling on my stomach and her hand.

Once I had my wits about me, I hastily dried her hand with my discarded shirt, then blotted myself dry, and pulled her up off the floor and into my arms.

I kissed her deeply, her slightly swollen lips felt even softer pressed against mine than they usually did.

" _Jesus,_ Bella _,"_ I panted, placing a hand over my chest. "Is my heart beating again? I think you just breathed life back into me."

Bella giggled, laying her head on my chest as if to listen. "That sounds like a good thing. So that was alright then?"

"Alright?!" I gasped. "Where did you learn to _do_ that?"

"My Amazon order arrived yesterday," she grinned wickedly. And then I remembered what book I'd seen in her online shopping cart.

I shook my head, astonished. "I think people might have been worshipping the wrong book all these years...Maybe I should have a glance at it before I return the favor, because there is _no way_ that I'm done with you after _that."_

I stroked her hair and her face and could feel the blood pooling underneath, warming the surface of her skin.

"Ok, but let's find a new horizontal surface before you break our couch," she laughed, feeling the indentations left by my hands on the interior frame of the couch.

Without another word. I picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. Peeling her clothes off as quickly as I could without shredding them, I started the shower and set her down on the seat. And then it was _my_ turn to worship at her feet.

* * *

"It's official. Definitely worse than Emmett and Rose," Bella's tone was gloating as she snuggled into my chest.

She was flushed and glowing, radiant from the effects of the oxytocin coursing through her veins. It made her smell even sweeter. I snugged the covers around her to shield her from my cold.

"They're already calling us 'Bedward' up at the house," I admitted with a grin, smoothing the damp hair away from her forehead.

" _Bedward?!"_ she shrieked, dissolving into a fit of giggles. "I'd die of embarrassment if that wasn't so hilariously appropriate."

Her giggles tapered off, and soon the room fell quiet of all sounds except for the slow and even sounds of our breathing and the relaxed cadence of her heartbeat-the metronome of my existence.

"May I ask you something?" I whispered softly into her ear.

"Anything," she answered, turning her body so that she could look at me.

Smiling beatifically, Bella laid her upper arm across my chest and rested her chin in her palm.

The fingernails of her other hand scratched lightly over my sternum through the sparse patch of bronze hair there, drawing a purr from me. I caught her hand and held it there to my chest, fiddling somewhat anxiously with her wedding ring.

My brow furrowed. "Have I ever touched you in a way that you didn't want?"

I heard Bella's sudden intake of breath. "Where is _this_ coming from?" Her eyes were wide and shrouded with concern.

My eyes tightened. "Just something Carlisle said. Answer the question, please."

She squinted at me, searching for something in my eyes.

Bella sighed. "I can only think of one time... when you got mad after we voted. It hurt a little when you grabbed me by the face and shouted at me."

Frowning, I reached up to trace the delicate line of her jaw from one ear to the other, apologizing to the most significant of faces with the cool gentleness of my touch.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered urgently, smoothing the worry lines between her brows. "Never again," I vowed.

"Edward...I _like_ it when you're a little rough with me. It's pretty hot, actually. Just not so much when you're mad," she shrugged.

"Oh really? That's funny because I like it when you're rough with me _especially_ when you're mad." I pursed my lips to keep from laughing as she smacked me playfully on the chest.

That got me thinking. "What _else_ do you like?" I asked interest piqued.

Bella looked down, blushing fiercely. This time I didn't hesitate to nudge her chin back up.

"I want us to be able to talk about this. I want us to be able to talk about _everything._

"Here, I'll go first. I _really_ liked it when you took control in there," I pointed in the direction of the living room. "That was _ridiculously_ sexy," I said with eyes smoldering at the memory of Bella's confidence and that finger on my chest.

"Edward, I love everything you do _,_ but if we're talking about award-winning performances...I mean...holy crow, the meadow! That was...that was...beyond description."

As an afterthought, she added, "That's one memory I'm trying to cement into my brain so that I don't lose it afterward."

"I'm not sure how clear I've made this, but I am more than happy to remind you of the things you forget," I said huskily, my hands running along her back and lower, giving her enticingly round backside a gentle squeeze.

"Oh, you've made that perfectly clear, lover boy. Leave it to you to outdo Ryan Gosling in the notebook department," Bella teasingly accused.

I smiled winningly at her praise. I loved how easy it was to please her, inside _and_ outside of the bedroom. (The bathroom. The living room, oh and the kitchen, too.)

Reminded of her first day of school, I asked her "So how did your first week go? You seem like you're taking to college life like a duck to water, just like I always knew you would," I beamed proudly.

Bella laughed once. "That's pretty accurate. On the surface, I'm calm and unruffled, but below the surface, I'm paddling like hell," she mused.

"Like I told Charlie, I really like my professors so far. Especially Professor Chaney. He's the one that called you Romeo. I'm pretty sure he's going to call me Juliet for the rest of the semester thanks to you," Bella laughed, partly embarrassed and partly amused.

"He thinks you have excellent taste in men and I can't say that I disagree," I chuckled.

Wanting her to make the most out of her time at Dartmouth, I asked "Do you have any interest in joining any of the campus clubs, or dare I ask, a sorority? There's a club fair on campus next week if you'd like to check any of them out-"

Bella shook her head. "I'm not trying to form any new relationships while I'm here, Edward. It's going to be hard enough to leave behind the people I already know.

"Besides," she snorted, "why would I join a sorority when Emmett already hazes me right here at home?"

I nodded in understanding, trying not to dwell on the bleakness in her voice. I reminded myself it was only natural that she'd have feelings about the people she'd leave behind, and it _didn't_ mean that she wanted our eternity together any less.

I laughed lightly at the second part of what she'd said, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"He does it out of love. Be worried if he _doesn't_ mess with you."

As much joy as it gave Esme to dote on her new daughter, it gave Emmett the same amount of pleasure to tease his new little sister. While he carefully stuck to the deal that we had made, he still made it his life's mission to make her blush using any other means necessary.

I worried at first that he was taking it too far, but Bella gave as good as she got, and the two of them usually ended up howling in laughter. It warmed my heart to see...figuratively speaking.

Jasper was conflicted about Bella's increased presence around the house. He was drawn to her because she was so happy all the time and because he genuinely wanted to know her better.

Though he also felt he should continue to keep his distance until she was turned. So Jasper generally basked from a distance.

Rosalie was making small efforts to be nicer to Bella, which did not go unappreciated by either of us. Though she didn't love how much extra attention Bella was getting, especially from her mate. But at least Rosalie was self-aware enough to know when her vanity was getting the best of her.

Alice was (im)patiently waiting for Bella to get adjusted to married life so that she could have her best friend back.

Carlisle had regrettably been too busy getting established at the hospital to be around much that first week, but he had felt the shift and was filled with gratitude and a sense of paternal pride as Bella flawlessly filled the void that used to exist in our family dynamic.

"So why aren't the others enrolled at Dartmouth?" Bella's curious voice cut through my introspection.

"Carlisle gave them a pass at the human charade since we live so far from town and won't be here all that long," I explained. "They're all grateful, particularly Jasper," I chuckled.

"I'll have to remind Emmett of that next time he runs his mouth. _I'm_ the reason he was spared from cafeteria food for the next five months," Bella cackled conspiratorially.

"That's my girl!" I encouraged, ruffling her hair. Though I didn't have the heart to tell her that cafeteria food was less of a problem in college when there were no fixed eating times. It was high school that was the real drag.

"I was thinking, you were right when you told Charlie you haven't been out much." It was pointless to pretend I hadn't heard her conversation. "How would you like to go see some city lights tomorrow?"

Bella seemed to consider this. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well I know Alice was planning a shopping trip to NYC with Rosalie. I know she'd love it if you came."

"You wouldn't come?" Bella pouted.

What I wouldn't do for that pout. It was a welcome feeling to know that even though we now spent so much time together that she still craved my presence as much as I craved hers.

"I would, but Carlisle wanted me to help him scout the mountain for safe hunting zones," I explained with a slight frown.

"Ok…" Bella relented with a yawn. "Well, it would be good to spend some time with Ali...my sisters," she amended graciously,

I smiled approvingly at her. " _Yes, it would_ ," I agreed, stroking her hair and humming her lullaby, as she snuggled into my arms, close to sleep.

"Sleep, love. You're going to need it." I laughed quietly to myself hearing Alice's distant whoops over the blaring track of Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! This chapter really kicked my ass. Apologies for the slight fade to black there when Bella was getting hers, but I wasn't trying to write a 3,000-word lemon. 😂
> 
> I love writing Edward's voice, but he always wants to pull me to the dark side, and I'm trying to get him to work on that. (But when you've been moody and alone for 80+ years, old habits are hard to break!) I really hope you liked this update and I can't wait to hear what you think. Thanks for taking the time to read and review!


	39. Chapter 39

*BPOV*

"Anything you want. Go crazy. Use the card. Have fun. I love you," Edward murmured between kisses as he saw me safely buckled into the back of Rosalie's BMW and shut the door.

" _Precious cargo_ , Rosalie," I heard Edward warn through the closed car window.

"Oh piss off, Edward. I'm a better driver than you on your best day," Rose snarled. Edward only laughed in response.

"Bye, babe. You have the card. Make good choices," Emmett laughed, sending Rosalie off with a big kiss and a playful swat on the behind.

Alice, anxious to get on the road, was already in the front seat vibrating with excitement, and if Rosalie dawdled any longer, Alice wasn't above honking the horn.

Jasper waved from the doorway. Alice blew him a kiss as Rose slid behind the wheel.

"Alright girls, let's blow this pop stand." She took off down the long, winding driveway kicking up a volley of gravel behind her spinning tires, but Edward quickly dodged the spray.

"Did Esme not want to come?'' I asked.

"She'll come for the next girls trip. She wanted us to have some time with you without you feeling like you couldn't speak freely because Edward's mom tagged along," Alice explained.

"She's not a tagalong! She could've come," I frowned.

Esme was so endlessly giving. She sacrificed her own fun so that I could bond with my new sisters. I resolved to get her something special while I was out today.

"You know Esme..." Rose shrugged. "But she'll be happy to know you said so." She then turned to Alice.

"What time is our first appointment?"

"10 am," Alice answered.

My eyes opened wide in alarm, that was only two hours from now and New York City was over 250 miles away.

"Plenty of time," Rosalie replied, shifting into a higher gear as she merged onto the interstate.

"Appointment? For what?" I asked; my fingers tightly curled around the vinyl handle above the window.

I briefly thought of Charlie. He had always called them "Oh, shit!" handles, because that's what you said out loud when you grabbed for one.

"You didn't think we were going to Saks 5th Avenue, did you?" Alice's tinkling laugh filled the car. "The best designers are by appointment only," she further explained.

"Oh, and Bella," Alice turned her head to look at me in the backseat, sliding her designer sunglasses down the tip of her button nose. "We're well out of Edward's range now if you'd like to revisit the topic of hot wifey clothes," Alice's eyes lit up and her lips curled into a wide grin.

"But when we dress you up like black-leather Sandy from Grease, and Edward loses his mind, you have to promise to say, "Tell me about it, stud." Rose cackled conspiratorially, joined in by Alice, who bounced in her seat with renewed enthusiasm.

*EPOV*

"There's a ranger's station about halfway up the mountain on the south side, but if we stay to the north, it should be safe, at least for when we don't want to venture further to hunt," I informed Carlisle after rendezvousing with him at the agreed-upon location.

"I think the only person in the family who takes issue with traveling distances to hunt is you, son," Carlisle chuckled knowingly.

"Touché," I muttered. I tried not to think about how much easier I'd be able to breathe once Bella was turned, and I wasn't just referring to her scent.

When I didn't have to worry about the myriad of ways my tiny, clumsy, fragile human could kill herself simply by accident, I had a feeling Jasper would be clamoring to hang out with me, too.

Gritting my teeth, I fought the instinct to berate myself for looking forward to killing her just so that she'd never have to die.

Carlisle had intuitively guessed where my mind had gone. "It won't be much longer, Edward. Alice has seen that much.

"Though, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to wait for even a second longer after all you've been through together," he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I sighed. "The difficulties I have are irrelevant compared to what Bella is preparing for."

I thought of her this morning, standing on the back patio in her bathrobe, drinking a steaming cup of tea while pensively staring into the morning mist that shrouded the trout pond.

Carlisle shook his head in disagreement. "Your difficulties are never irrelevant, Edward."

After a beat of silence, he continued, "From where I'm standing, both of you are in very much the same boat. Both of you are struggling to reconcile hurting the people you dearly love in order to attain your own personal happiness. Bella worries about her family. You worry about her.

"And from someone just a little bit older who is also a doctor, if you weren't frozen at seventeen, I'd tell you that all this worrying is going to make you go prematurely gray," he laughed lightly at his dad joke. "She needs you just as much as you need her. Everything else will work itself out. It always does."

I nodded thoughtfully. "Now that I've fully accepted the inevitable, a semester of college has never seemed like such an eternity," I admitted with a rueful laugh.

"Tell me about it! You're not the only one on pins and needles waiting to see how all this turns out. But if Alice isn't worried, neither am I...

"I wonder, does it sort of make me like a grandpa that my creation is becoming a creator? I feel so proud," Carlisle teased, dabbing an invisible tear from his eye. "And _old,_ " he added with a wide smile. I couldn't help but laugh.

_Oh, and Edward? Do you think you could do me a favor when we get back to the house?_ Carlisle asked in his thoughts as we ran.

"Name it," I answered automatically.

_Take your brothers out for a hunt so your mother and I can have some alone time? She all but kicked the girls out the door this morning._

I shook with laughter at his request. "Hot wifey week has its benefits, then?"

_I beg your pardon?_

*BPOV*

"So I have a question for you both," I asked as we sped across the New York state line. "What was Edward like before me? He never wants to talk about himself."

"Miserable"

"Lonely"

The words were spoken simultaneously. It hurt my heart to think about him like that.

"You want an Edward story, I'll give you an Edward story," Rosalie made eye contact with me in the rearview mirror. The mirror was too narrow for me to see her whole face, but her eyes went soft.

"I know Edward and I get along about as well as cats and dogs do, and that's mostly because he's the only one on the planet who really sees how imperfect I actually am," Rosalie jutted out her chin and tossed her perfect blonde curls over her shoulder.

"But underneath all the infantile squabbling, I can never forget that when I finally killed the men who hurt me, Edward was the one who disposed of the bodies. He didn't even say anything. He was just _there,_ handling it."

Then Alice took up the story, "And before that, when Edward rebelled from Carlisle, do you know who the first person he killed was?"

I frowned, "All he told me was that they were bad men."

Alice nodded gravely. "And the very first bad man was the one that beat Esme."

My eyes grew huge and incredulous as I processed what they were telling me.

Suddenly Alice's words from before took on a new meaning. " _Think of what that must have felt like to him. Seeing his own handprints on your body."_

"For someone who walks around with the weight of the world on his shoulders because he has to hear it all-the most depraved thoughts from your kind _and_ ours-you'll never meet someone who _cares_ more than Edward does," Alice added fondly.

"Don't get us wrong, Carlisle's the greatest! There's a reason why we all look up to him. But sometimes you don't always need a pep talk and a warm smile. Sometimes you need someone to help bury the bodies, and that's Edward," Rosalie finished. In the mirror, her golden eyes looked far away.

I thought back to our early days when he'd ask me about my theories about what he was. I'd guessed that he was bitten by a radioactive spider. He'd snarked that Kryptonite didn't bother him either. _"What if I'm not the superhero, what if I'm the bad guy?"_

Imagining him now as a furious angel driving around in fast cars, saving the city from violent scourges ... Perhaps I should've asked him if he had a butler named Alfred.

*EPOV*

Having just hunted, Emmett, Jasper, and I were screwing around in the woods midway up the mountain, not trying to hurry back to the house just yet as a courtesy to Carlisle and Esme.

Out of boredom, Emmett picked up a fallen tree, about three feet in diameter, palming it in his hand like a spear, and then launched it down a steep gulch with a thunderous crack.

"Dude, I gotta know, what is it _like?_ Not looking for details, but how do you not break her?" Emmett asked with an awestruck expression.

I shook the image of Bella's bruised body from my mind. "Not without difficulty…You know how some human girls hold in their sneezes and it sounds like a small bomb went off between their ears? I imagine it feels something like that."

Emmett imagined me "absorbing" an orgasm and exploding into dust and then burst into laughter.

"Brutal," he laughed again, shaking his head at the thought.

I shook my head. "You know what's brutal? When she _cries._ You guys, well maybe not you, Jasper," I quickly amended, "are so lucky that you'll never have to know what it feels like to make your wives _cry."_ I blanched.

Emmett's loud guffaws scared away a flight of morning doves from the top of a tall spruce.

"Barely unpacked from your honeymoon and you've already made her cry?"

I saw it coming but let it happen anyway. Emmett's huge arm caught me tightly around the neck in a headlock.

"Bet you won't be so smug next time Rosalie is pissed at me." He ground his knuckles into the top of my head with his boulder-like fist then released me as I shoved him off.

"What did you do?" Jasper asked, in a mocking sing-song.

I sighed, torn. I hadn't planned to share this story from our honeymoon, I was too ashamed. But I knew my brothers would never judge me, and the ability to unburden myself with people who could understand, even in some small way, was too tempting.

"Without going into detail...the morning after she woke up covered in bruises." Emmett and Jasper instantly recoiled, not out of scorn, but out of sympathy.

_He must have felt like a monster_ , thought Jasper.

" _Exactly_!" I half-shouted, throwing my hands exasperatedly up in the air. "So I told her we couldn't make love again until she was turned."

"I bet that went over well," Jasper drawled with heavy sarcasm.

"You have _no_ idea," I grimaced. "She spent the next week prancing around in string bikinis and lingerie, when she wore anything at all, trying to tempt me when all I was trying to do was keep her _safe._ And when that didn't work, she _cried._ "

The cringes on my brothers' faces were identical.

"That's dirty pool, man," Jasper shook his head sympathetically.

"You held out for a whole week? Impressive." Emmett nodded appreciatively.

"Well, you seem to have figured it out since then, because you two have been awfully...busy since you got back," Jasper teased, bowling a boulder into a grouping of young pines making them shudder and quake.

"Yes, well, as Bella likes to remind me, practice makes perfect," I rolled my eyes.

"Well I, for one, am in favor. Because ever since Jasper got a whiff of you two bein' all sex-crazed, _all_ of us up at the house have been reaping the rewards," Emmett chuckled.

"You're welcome," Jasper said in a deeper than usual voice, grinning unrepentantly.

"Speaking of which, are they done yet? Can we go back?" Emmett asked, impatiently wanting to get back to his PlayStation.

I concentrated, listening for Carlisle's thoughts, just barely in range. Getting my answer, I screwed my eyes shut. "Nope. Not yet."

Emmett and Jasper howled at my scandalized expression.

*BPOV*

"I don't know," I balked. "It's _really_ short," I tugged self-consciously at the hem. "Where would I even wear it?" I said looking at myself in a huge three-way mirror in the middle of a very exclusive boutique.

Calling it a _little_ black dress was being rather generous. It was a bandage-style dress with nude strips of fabric strategically woven in, giving it the illusion that my most important bits were just barely covered. My rear, however, really _was_ just barely covered.

"On a date. At home. Or in public, if you _really_ want to get under Edward's skin," Rose laughed devilishly.

"I can't imagine why I would ever want to provoke him like that," I gnawed at my lip.

"I could think of a reason," Rose snorted in derision.

"Rose…" Alice's tone was sharp. "Haven't you caused them enough drama?"

Rose gritted her teeth. "I wasn't going to say anything because of that, but you know what? She deserves to know. I did the loyal sister thing by saying all that stuff about what Edward did for me. But he's no angel, and she deserves to know that, too.

"I may not agree with Bella's choices, but she's my sister now, and above all, sisters stick together. When has that ever _not_ been true?" Rosalie crossed her arms stubbornly across her chest, staring down Alice.

"Would someone _please_ tell me what it is that I deserve to know?!" I wailed and stomped my foot.

Alice stood down. "It's your funeral," she relented to Rose. I looked at her expectantly.

"Edward made Emmett promise that he wouldn't fill you in on the fact that we can all hear you down at your house. Edward didn't want you to be embarrassed, but _I_ think that you deserve to know the truth, and _I_ made Edward no such promises."

"He _what?_ " I fumed, aghast.

"Bella," Alice interjected, "He was just trying to make you more comfortable. He knew the lack of privacy would be a difficult adjustment for you. He wanted you to be able to get more comfortable living around us before he let that cat out of the bag.

"No cats! No bags! We're married. This is...this is _bullshit,_ " I raged.

"And Bella, just so you know _,_ nobody _cares_ what you get up to down there. Until you came along, Rosalie and Emmett were the youngest in the family. I know it's easy to forget, but..." Alice lowered her voice to barely above a whisper. "Rosalie and Emmett are going on _ninety-one_ years old!" Then her voice rebounded to a more normal volume, if not slightly louder.

"Nobody is sitting around with their ears perked up listening to you because, honestly, sex just isn't that interesting and we've all got better things to do," Alice threw her hands up in exasperation.

Rosalie nodded emphatically in agreement.

I stormed back into the fitting room, peeled off the dress, and threw it over the top of the door. "Wrap it up," I growled without even looking at the price tag.

*EPOV*

It was just past sundown when I heard Rosalie's M3 make the turn onto the long gravel driveway lined on both sides by tall, wiry birch trees. The thin, smooth trunks were covered in a papery white bark that made them look ghostly against the dusky, twilight sky.

They were singing along to the radio, or at least Alice and Rose were. If not for Bella's heartbeat, I wouldn't have suspected a third person was in the car.

I ran to the garage to meet Bella upon arriving home. I opened the car door to let Bella out. It pleased me to see that she carried shopping bags in both arms. I took them from her, carrying them by their handles in one hand, and extended my other hand to help her out of the car.

By the time I closed the door behind her, I realized that Alice and Rosalie had already dashed up to the house without so much as a hello. Odd, but okay.

"Did you have a nice time?" I asked, holding her hand as we walked the short path to our house,

"I sure did," she said smiling. "But I'm _starving_. Would you mind taking me out for a bite?"

"I'd be delighted!" I said honestly. I missed her more than I should have in the short time she'd been away from me.

"Great!" She said with a weird sort of smile. " Let me just run inside and...freshen up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter. I just love this family, and I could write about their shenanigans for the rest of my days. (And what's to stop me since they'll never die? Bwahaha.) Thanks for reading and reviewing! I just love hearing what you think.


	40. Chapter 40

*EPOV*

Downtown Hanover was crawling with college students on a Saturday night. So busy, in fact, that I had to circle twice to find parking, a rarity for me.

After I opened the car door for Bella, one bare, shapely leg stepped out onto the street and then the other.

She was wearing what could only be described as "fuck me" shoes; whatever dress she was wearing was covered up by a black knee-length raincoat that was belted at the waist. Her hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders, and she even wore a little makeup.

"You look lovely," I said kissing her lightly on the lips as she rose up to my side. "What's the occasion? I feel a little underdressed," I chuckled, looking down at my khakis and sweater.

Bella shrugged. "Just wanted a chance to show off my pretty new clothes to my pretty new husband," she said smiling as she took my arm.

"Let's go here," she said, pulling me toward a loud, bustling Cheesecake Factory on the corner.

I opened the oversized door and held it for her to walk through. The lobby was crowded with people, but Bella didn't seem deterred. She pulled me by the hand to the hostess podium.

"How long of a wait for a table for two?" I asked over the Top 40 station being piped in over the loudspeaker.

"Forty minutes. But if you'd like to sit at the bar, we can seat you right away."

"Sounds great, let's do it," Bella said without hesitation. The hostess reached for two ludicrously long menus. It was more of a book, really. Did humans really need _that_ many dining options?

"May I take your coat?" I asked Bella, now that we were inside.

"Why not?" she smiled and untied the sash. When the coat slid off her shoulders and I could see what she was wearing, not only with my own eyes but through the eyes of every man within view of her, it took every ounce of my restraint not to stuff her right back into the coat.

I inhaled sharply. "Bella…" I said through my teeth in an agonized voice.

"Tell me about it, stud," she winked. Was she... _taunting_ me? Why would she do this?

_Get a load of that._

_Look at that ass. I'd so tap that._

_She's looking for it!_

_What a slut._

_Could that dress be any shorter?_

I clenched my jaw trying in vain to tune out the intrusive thoughts. With a hand on the small of her back, I walked with her to the bar toward the back of the restaurant.

_Goddamn._

_What a fine piece of ass._

_Slut._

_What kind of man lets his woman walk around like that?_

_Is my date looking at her? I can't believe he's looking at her!_

When Bella raised her leg to seat herself onto the tall barstool, her skirt rode impossibly higher, so I reflexively shielded her from view with my body before she could show her wares to the entire bar section.

I draped the coat over the back of her stool, fanning it out so that she couldn't be seen from behind, and then sat down on the stool next to her.

I folded my hands on the bar, not trusting them not to break something, and swallowed convulsively.

With as much calm as I could muster, I repeated the words she'd used the first time we'd sat in the school cafeteria together. "Well, this is different."

She sipped on a frosty glass of ice water that the bartender set in front of her. "What's the matter, Edward? You look tense. Don't you like my new dress?"

"What's not to love?" I asked, bitingly sarcastic. "Though, was the store out of your size?" I snapped.

Her eyes flashed angrily.

"I can't imagine why you'd be angry at me for doing something you explicitly asked me not to do. It's not like you have any trouble disregarding _my_ wishes."

I narrowed my eyes at her. _She_ was angry with _me?_ What fresh hell was this?

"And what wish did I disregard?"

"The one where you promised me you'd never lie to me again. And this time it wasn't enough for _you_ to lie to me, but you asked your—our—family to lie to me, too?" Profound hurt eclipsed the anger in her eyes.

_Rosalie._ I thought the name as if it were an expletive. This reeked of her.

"Bella, I didn't—"

"If you value my sanity, Edward, you won't finish that sentence. You _did_ lie. A lie by omission is still a lie."

_Hey baby, come home with me._ I'll _never lie to you._

I clenched my eyes shut, trying to focus. " _Shut up,"_ I growled at the voice under my breath.

" _Excuse me?!"_ Bella's face flushed red with rage and she moved to stand.

_Shiiit._ That thought was mine. My eyes widened, horrified.

I took hold of her wrist before I had to chase her out of the godforsaken restaurant. "Bella, stop. I'm sorry, I wasn't saying that to you. I would _never_ say that to you. Can we just _please_ just go somewhere else? It's really hard for me to concentrate here," I pleaded.

Her eyes softened infinitesimally.

"Fine." Bella slammed her glass down on the bar, sloshing water over the rim. She swiveled her seat away from me so she could stand up. I groaned, suddenly inundated with an upskirt perspective of her as she slid off the barstool.

Reaching for my wallet, I quickly threw a bill on the bar. I grabbed her coat from the back of her seat and held it open for her to put on. My eyes were uncompromising. If I had to listen to one more person think my wife a slut, our adventure to Dartmouth would be over, _tonight._

Bella stood in front of me with her teeth clenched. We glowered at each other. She seemed to be thinking it over before she furiously punched an arm through the sleeve of her coat, and shrugged it on over her shoulders. She cinched the sash so tightly around her waist that she winced, though she tried not to show it.

I exhaled loudly. Taking her hand, I escorted her outside as quickly as could be managed with her teetering on ankle-breaking stilettos. It was a very slow procession.

As soon as we were outside in the brisk night air, it was like someone turned the volume down on the drone of thoughts and I could think again.

I sighed. "I guess we better go find you something to eat," I muttered, looking around for better options.

"It's fine. I don't need to eat. Why don't we just go home?" She said softly, but with an edge.

_Right._ Like I was going to let her starve, so we could go home and argue within earshot of our family while she was _hangry._

"And what did you eat today while you were out?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

With the exception of Carlisle and Esme, my family couldn't always be relied upon to remember Bella's human needs. Bella looked at the floor. It was as I suspected. I clenched my jaw, _another_ thing to lambast my meddling sister about.

I raised her chin to look into her eyes. They were carefully controlled. She was giving nothing away. "Let's take care of you, and then we can take care of us, alright?" I murmured.

When she nodded, I took her hand and pulled her into a neighboring pizza joint. Save for one person, an older man, eating a slice by himself under the fluorescent "OPEN" sign that illuminated the front window, the place was empty.

"One medium cheese pizza, please," I ordered, remembering her stated preference from one of our first dates when I'd peppered Bella with questions trying to learn everything about her.

"I can't eat a whole pizza..." she started to protest.

"I was under the impression that breakfast pizza was some sort of phenomenon," I arched a questioning eyebrow at her.

She pursed her lips and tilted her head briefly to the side, allowing this.

"And a bottle of water, please," she quietly requested of the boy at the counter.

I paid for the food and took the plastic table number to a four-top in the rear corner.

Holding a chair out for Bella to sit down, she reflexively went to take off her coat but seemed to think better of it before ducking into the chair.

I took my seat across from her. The two of us said nothing, just appraised each other for an immeasurable amount of time.

"Can we talk about why you're angry with me?" I asked quietly.

Bella nodded once and took a deep breath.

"Did you or did you not tell Emmett to withhold the fact that your family can hear what goes on at our house?" Bella asked, clearly articulating each word.

"I did that. Yes," I admitted ruefully.

" _Why?"_ She asked through her teeth.

My brow furrowed and I frowned. "I thought that was obvious. I didn't want you to feel self-conscious in your own home."

"And you didn't think I'd figure it out _?_ " Her tone was ice cold.

"Bella, you're right. I shouldn't have been dishonest about that. I just didn't think you needed to lose your sense of privacy right away, with...everything else you're already losing," my voice faltered and my face fell. "I was trying to delay that. But regardless of my intentions, I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"Edward…" She sighed. It was a frustrated sound. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

I winced. Whether or not she meant that in reference to the good intentions I had for leaving her, that's exactly how I took it.

"You're going to have to explain to me why you think I can handle becoming...one of you," she said, lowering her voice, "but you _don't_ think I can handle the inconvenient realities that go along with that," she said pointedly.

I sighed. "Because I have a bad habit of underestimating you," I said with brutal honesty.

"Well if _that_ isn't the most honest thing you've ever said," she growled, throwing her hands up in the air.

The pizza arrived then, hot and bubbling from the oven. The server rested the pizza on a wire rack that raised it above the level of the table.

"Anything else I can get for you guys?" he asked, wiping his hands on his tomato sauce-stained apron.

"That will be all, thank you," I said without looking at the boy.

Bella slid a slice onto her plate and set it aside to cool.

I'd never seen her look so angry still after I'd already apologized. "What can I do? How do I fix this?" I asked anxiously, reaching across the table to take her hand in mine.

"Just stop lying to me. Stop trying to protect me from the things you think I can't handle. All I want from you is the only thing I've _ever_ asked of you: honesty."

"I will never deceive you again. You have my word," I vowed, hoping she could see the raw sincerity in my eyes.

She exhaled loudly and the ice in her gaze seemed to thaw a little. Reaching for the slice of pizza, she folded it in half and took a bite. Her eyes got huge, and she started fanning her mouth with her hand.

"What's wrong?" I was halfway out of my seat. Was she choking?

"Hot!" she managed to say with watering eyes around the mouthful of pizza. I uncapped her bottle of water and pushed it toward her. She frantically reached for it and gulped down half the bottle before she set it down again.

"Are you alright?" I asked, my voice heavy with concern.

"Yes, but I think that's going to _have_ to be breakfast pizza because I just burned off the roof of my mouth," she said miserably.

"Is there something else I can get you? Something cold, maybe?"

She smirked at that. "Maybe later." I got the distinct impression she wasn't talking about food anymore.

"So am I forgiven?" I asked with repentant eyes, wanting to get back to the matter at hand.

She rolled her eyes."You know you are."

"Thank you...Though I'm afraid the apology portion of this evening isn't quite over."

"Edward, it's fine—"

"I meant it's _your_ turn," I said patiently.

"To apologize? For what?" Her voice was indignant.

"Bella, you were angry with me tonight, and for good reason. And if you wanted to come home and yell at me or make me 'sleep' on the couch," I said using air quotes, "well that would have been your right. But this—" I made a sweeping gesture at her outfit.

"This isn't _you._ Taking me to that place and using my gift against me like that? That was just _spiteful._ And I've never known you to be a spiteful person."

Bella looked down at the table, immediately contrite.

"That was sort of Rose's idea," she muttered.

"I gathered as much. But Bella," I waited until she looked back up at me. "There's a very good reason why I fell in love with _you_ and not _Rosalie_."

Bella nodded, looking completely deflated.

"We've talked a lot about ways I could be better about respecting your boundaries. And in the equal relationship that you're always aspiring for, respecting boundaries goes both ways. And that—" I pointed in the direction of the other restaurant, "can never happen again."

Bella reached across the table and took my hands in hers. She met my gaze with mournful eyes.

"I didn't think about it like that—that I was using your gift against you. I was just so mad that you kept keeping things from me and I didn't know how else to get my point across. I'm so sorry, Edward," she said in a wobbly voice. "That was horrible of me. I'll never listen to Rosalie again."

"Trust me when I say _I've been there_ ," I flashed a crooked smile.

"So...who _were_ you telling to shut up back there?"

I groaned and scrubbed a hand over my face. "One of your many admirers."

" _Man_ y _?_ I thought maybe I'd get a look or two, but _many?"_

"You still don't see yourself very clearly, do you? Too many to count, that's how many there were. And not all of their thoughts were flattering.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to keep calm when people are thinking disgusting, disrespectful things about you? It was like a gauntlet of Mike Newtons, but _worse_. I wanted to tear their throats out." It was not an exaggeration.

Bella frowned. "Sorry again. To put you through that."

I waved a hand dismissively through the space between us. "It's behind us."

Bella then looked up at me from under her long lashes. "Why don't we box this up and head for home?" Lowering her voice she added, "And I won't even be mad if you want to tear this stupid dress off me. Lord knows I'll never wear it again."

I blinked. "I'll get the car."

*BPOV*

As much as I hated fighting with Edward, there was something so bolstering about working through a conflict and coming out stronger on the other side.

While I had no doubt that there would be lots more arguments and mistakes made on both of our parts over the next thousand years, I was certain that neither of us would make these same mistakes again. I knew I wouldn't.

Once we had arrived home, Edward had been too impatient to get me inside to wait for me to walk the winding gravel path in my heels, so he swooped me up into his arms and carried me inside, kicking the door shut behind him as I giggled.

"How's your mouth, Mrs. Cullen?" he asked, planting a line of kisses along my jaw from my ear to my chin.

"Definitely in need of some cold therapy," I whispered huskily.

He moaned and brought his lips to mine. I opened my mouth to him and his icy breath soothed the scorched ridges of my mouth. Being less careful than he normally was, I felt him gingerly suck my bottom lip between his own.

"Mmm," I moaned at the sensation and the delicious taste of him, knotting my fingers into his hair. "Bed. Now."

Nobody knew the meaning of the word 'now,' like Edward. The art on the walls blurred into streaks of color as he flew down the hallway toward our bedroom and deposited me on the center of our bed.

Edward stalked toward me like a hunting lion. My heart raced at the sight of him looking so wild and amorous. I could feel the surge of moisture between my legs.

He took his time untying the knot in the sash of my coat. The smile of anticipation on his face looked like that of a boy opening the very last present on Christmas morning and knowing he got exactly what he asked for.

Once Edward had the coat open, I wriggled out of the sleeves, then he smoothly yanked it out from under me and tossed it aside.

He looked at me again, or rather, _my dress_ with an expression of pure contempt. It was then that I noticed his eyes were extra buttery from a recent hunting trip. Buttery and blazing.

"I have been wanting to do this all night," he said in a gravelly whisper.

Hooking a finger around the neckline of my dress, he dragged his hand down toward the hem, shearing the fabric like scissors through wrapping paper.

I gasped at the feeling of being suddenly exposed. Then he freed me of my bra and panties and his own clothes in a much more humane fashion. All that remained were my shoes.

"There now. That's better," he crooned, running a frosty hand from my throat down the center of my body to my mound leaving behind a trail of goosebumps in his wake.

Then Edward backed away a few inches as if to get a better look at me.

"Stunning," he marveled. "Do you know why I chose these bed linens, love? Because the color reminds me of the towel you were lying on that day on the beach. Do you know what I wanted to do to you that day, my darling wife?"

"I have a feeling you're about to show me," I rasped.

He was kneeling between my knees now. His smile turned almost menacing.

Reaching behind him, he hooked a hand around my knee and drew my leg slowly up so that it was straight up in the air and he hugged it against his chest. My black strappy heel was in the space next to his ear.

Edward curled his palm around my shin and caress the length of my leg in long, slow downward strokes.

Then he turned his face and kissed the inside of my leg from my ankle up the soft curve of my calf to the inside of my knee.

He gave the same treatment to my other leg so that they were now both pressed against his chest and his perfect face peered down at me from between my ankles.

He seemed to notice them for the first time.

"If you're going to wear fuck-me shoes, be prepared for the consequences," he grinned.

In a motion that was too fast for my eyes, lowered himself down onto his front so that his face was nestled between my legs and his arms were wrapped around my thighs in an iron grip.

Feeling his cool breath on my core, I sucked in a breath and fisted my hands in the comforter.

"Edward!" I cried, feeling the first touch of his tongue on my heated skin.

He did not rush. His mouth kissed and teased and savored until I was panting and whining with need.

I gasped at the vulnerable feeling of his fingers gently spreading open my most secret parts to his eyes.

"Bella, you are utter perfection down to the last drop," he moaned. His face was shiny with my arousal, though he didn't come up for air for long.

Sliding first one, then another finger into my wet heat, he ducked down and sucked my throbbing bundle of nerves between his lips.

There wasn't room in my brain for coherent thought or self-consciousness. Just instinct and sensation.

"Please!" I moaned hoarsely, begging for release.

He chuckled darkly into my softest skin. With the heel of his hand, he pressed down deliciously against my pubic bone while his mouth and fingers continued to work me into a complete frenzy.

When my body began to tighten on the edge of climax, he hummed encouragingly into my folds and curled his fingers inside of me hitting that most perfect spot. I shattered into a million pieces, screaming his name as I fell over the abyss.

Edward crawled up my limp, boneless body until he was hovering over my flushed, panting face.

He smoothed away the hair that stuck to my clammy skin and kissed me hard on the mouth. I could taste myself on him. It was not unpleasant.

Edward's face was jubilant above my own. "My piano is going to get lonely because that is far and away my new favorite pastime," his wide smile lit up his face.

" _How_? How are you so good at that, _too?_ You have just as much experience in that department as I do." It almost sounded like a complaint.

"Bella," he beamed, shaking his head a little as if I were missing something obvious. "I'm a vampire. That's what I do. I suck and I know things."

I laughed until it hurt, with him rolling right beside me.

Edward turned to face me, and his loving smile made him look almost warm.

"The only kind of tears I ever want to see you cry," he mused, brushing a cool finger along the hot, wet tracks that stretched from my temples to my hairline.

Now fully recovered, I rolled over onto my side and reached out to touch him.

I trailed my fingers along the sinuous ridges and angles that made up Edward's upper body. He purred contentedly under my touch.

Still as a doll, the cool, glassy smoothness of his skin felt like porcelain under my wandering fingers, but with 10,000 times the durability.

I couldn't break this angel.

I leaned down to kiss him. His lips, his chin, his Adam's apple—that made him gasp. I liked that, so I did it again.

Meanwhile, Edward's stone arms circled around me, stroking my arms and the sensitive skin between my shoulder blades.

I made my way down his throat to the juncture of his neck and the defined muscles of his shoulders. I playfully bit him there, drawing a throaty groan from Edward as he pressed his head back into the pillows.

I hummed into his skin. Duly noted. My vampire liked to be bitten.

"I wish you could know what this felt like," he sighed, sounding of pure elation.

"I didn't expect..to enjoy pleasing you this much," I admitted in a low voice, the fingers of one hand tracing the faintest patterns along the rock hardness of his manhood. Edward's eyes screwed shut and his square jaw hung open, his full lips forming a perfect "o."

"But seeing what I do to you is almost as pleasurable as being on the receiving end of it," I curled my hand around him, one finger at a time.

I knew he was starting to lose control of himself when his hands retreated for the ironwork of the headboard.

"Bella.." My name was a breath from his lips with barely any sound behind it.

Not wanting to surprise him while his eyes were closed, I asked, "May I?" Edward opened his eyes, seeing my mouth poised above him.

"Oh God, yes, _please_ ," he moaned. " I haven't been able to stop thinking about that gorgeous mouth of yours since the other ni—oohh." But I didn't let him finish.

"So _hot,"_ he breathed, as I took as much of him into my mouth as I could without gagging, and then stroked the inches that didn't fit.

I made a little game with myself, seeing which touches made the pitch of his velvety voice climb to a high, desperate whine, and which touches made his voice drop down low in the back of his throat as he groaned in satisfaction.

"Oh...oh Bella, oh my...ungh. If I don't make love to you soon, I'm going to go crazy.."

I pulled my mouth off of him and smirked. "I don't think that was the phrase you meant to use, Edward," I purred, playing with him some more.

"After all, they aren't called 'make-love-to-me shoes.'"

He looked at me, eyes dark and wild with need.

"Shall I rephrase? If I don't _fuck you_ soon, I'm going to go crazy," he rasped.

"We can't have that!" I teased.

But I was out of cute responses once he exploded off his back in a blur of movement that left him kneeling on the mattress behind me with his impossibly hard erection pressed into my backside. This time he was prepared with a condom.

I sharply inhaled, feeling the slight sting that always accompanied initial penetration. I loved that sting, knowing that it meant I'd soon be joined with my otherworldly angel.

We'd never done it like _this_ before, and I found that I loved the new angle of feeling him taking me from behind.

Edward's groan was low and deep as he fully sheathed himself in my wet heat. I felt the cool hardness of his body as it pressed against the curve of my ass.

He gently took my hips between my hands and rocked into me, our bodies making light slapping sounds as we connected.

This new position seemed to hit just the right spots inside and I felt my stomach muscles tighten again as I approached my second climax.

I reached between my legs and circled my swollen flesh with my fingers.

"That's it, love, make yourself come for me. I can feel it, you're so close," he panted, thrusting into me just a bit harder. That was all it took for me to be overtaken by the crashing waves of pleasures.

With my release, Edward found his, pumping into me once, twice, and then impaling me deeply one last time with a low oath.

Pulling out of me, we both shuddered at the loss, and then he collapsed onto the bed next to me, curling his body around mine.

I felt his cool lips press into the back of my shoulder, and his arms tighten around my middle.

"My God, Bella, does it ever stop getting better with you? Every time I think it can't get any better than the time before, but then it _does,"_ he exclaimed, his breathing still ragged.

I smiled at the praise, knowing exactly what he meant.

"Does this mean I get to keep the shoes?" I teased.

He laughed once, breathlessly. "I was thinking maybe you should start a collection." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm spent. 😂 I hope you enjoyed this update, I think it's one of my favorites so far. I have a little boy on the spectrum, so there's a special place in my heart for the scene where Edward is in the busy restaurant and is overwhelmed by the voices. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Your feedback really helps keep the creative juices flowing! 
> 
> Also, since what would Twilight be without Muse, I feel I should tell you I've been listening to the song Without You by Parachute on repeat as I've been writing this. If this fic was a TV show, it would be the opening theme song for sure. 


	41. Chapter 41

*EPOV*

Think. _Think._ Bella's birthday was coming up, the first one since we'd been married, and the last birthday didn't exactly go so well. It had to be _perfect_.

A piano composition wasn't exactly special when she had stacks of CDs of my music that I'd dedicated to her.

I could fly out Charlie or Renee, or fly her to see them, but Bella seemed like she was in the process of trying to detach from her parents and that might do more harm than good.

Emmett had it so easy. He got to buy Rosalie a new car or some diamonds and he was a hero for it.

What did I get the woman who..didn't _want_ anything? I would need to give this some serious thought.

I quickly closed my laptop as I heard the sounds of Bella padding this way and went back to tinkering with a chord progression for a composition assignment for class.

Moments later, Bella drifted into sight.

She leaned casually against the doorframe in a tank top and pajama pants, her hip jutted out just so and her legs crossed below the knee. Her shiny brown hair was tied back into a messy ponytail.

It was such a simple, everyday moment, Bella brightening my doorway.

Though, after walking the earth, partnerless, for nearly a century never expecting to have someone to "grow old" with...that I got to look forward to Bella wearing the paint off of my doorway every day for the rest of eternity never ceased to take my breath away.

"How's that Shakespeare paper coming along?" I asked with polite interest. I was told earlier that morning that under no uncertain terms was I to distract her until she had it completed.

"Fine, I think. It's a comparative analysis of Romeo and Juliet and Antony and Cleopatra, which I could talk about for days, but Professor Chaney is a stickler for citations. Think you could take a look at it when it's done?"

"It would be my very great pleasure," I smiled.

"How's your new piece coming along?" Bella asked, sauntering into the room and sliding in next to me on my piano bench. I scooted over making room for her, breath stolen once again.

"Well it's no Tchaikovsky but it's _at least_ as good as Wagner," I said with no amount of false modesty.

She snorted "That Wagner. What a hack," she teased.

As if playing of their own accord, my hands drifted back the keys and played a hopeful, whimsical melody that reflected my mood as of lately.

I didn't need to consciously think about the notes when I did this. It was sort of like...talking in my sleep.

Missing nothing, Bella smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder. "Somebody's in a good mood," she mused. Always far more observant than I gave her credit for.

Kissing her hair, I murmured, "Just another day in paradise."

She sighed, lazily. "Edward, tell me a story."

My eyebrows raised in mild surprise; that was a new request. I smiled, charmed. "What kind of story would you like to hear?"

"About you, of course. Tell me about the first time you enrolled in school as a vampire. What was that like for you?"

I barked out a laugh. "Oh jeez, I haven't thought about _that_ in a long time." By design.

As I launched into the story, my fingers on the keys played a soft accompaniment, a melancholy tune from that era.

"It was just Carlisle and me in the beginning, as you know. We spent those first few years living as nomads until I could control my thirst.

"Esme joined us in 1921. It was just the three of us for a while. Esme is such a gentle soul it didn't take her as long to adjust. However, those weren't easy years.

"She had a very hard life, and being turned into a vampire doesn't...fix the parts of you that are broken on the inside. She and Carlisle did that work together...Let's just say, it was for the best that Jasper didn't join the family until much later.

"When it was just the three of us, it was easy enough to avoid speculation. But then Rosalie joined us, and soon after Emmett in '35.

"As you can imagine, the five of us together with Rosalie being so... _Rosalie_ ," I said with a scowl, still immensely put out with her meddling, "and Emmett being such a giant, we were starting to generate some attention.

"School was Carlisle's idea. We were growing weary of the nomadic life, and he thought hiding in plain sight was the most feasible course of action if we wanted to stay in one place for any amount of time. It was nota popular suggestion, but nobody had any better ideas.

"So as soon as Emmett had his thirst under control, we were enrolled at Ithaca High School," I said making a face.

"Wow, what a face! That's your 'werewolf stink face.' Now I _have_ to know what happened," Bella interjected, her eyes alight with intrigue.

"It was a comedy of errors, through and through," I laughed once, cringing.

The melody I was playing morphed into the slapstick-style I used to play live, screen-side, at the Charlie Chaplin silent films to earn spending money, long before Alice's talents made us wealthy.

"Rosalie and I barely tolerated each other-"

"So not much as changed," Bella quipped.

"You think she's abrasive now? You'd be amazed how much seventy some-odd years can mellow a person out," I said with exaggeratedly horror-struck eyes.

"I imagine that works both ways," Bella stuck an elbow in my ribs in a playful accusation.

"I imagine it does," I agreed. "Do you want to hear this or not?" I teased.

Bella pantomimed locking her lips shut.

"So Rosalie and I were at each other's throats, while Emmett was constantly trying to referee. But he wasn't having an easy time of it either.

A boy of his size was expected to be athletic, which he _is_...But it took Emmett longer to control his strength than it did to control his thirst. Let's just say, classmates were hospitalized in the process of Emmett learning to perfect his role."

"Luckily, Americans weren't quite so litigious back then," I chuckled. "We wouldn't have had a penny left to our name if we'd been sued for every kid he accidentally put in a coma. You'd be amazed by the damage you can do with a basketball," I cringed again, remembering the destruction.

Bella looked appropriately horrified.

"Wow. And I thought _I_ hated gym class," she muttered wryly. I made a wide-eyed expression as if to say 'You have no idea.'

"So there we were, struggling with the speed _and_ the strength _and_ the thirst, and our human classmates were enamored with us. With students, we learned pretty quickly that if you're rude enough from the get-go, people tend to leave you alone.

"But we couldn't be rude to teachers and the like, so with adults, we were endlessly polite, and as you say, dazzled our way through the rest."

Bella nodded her head slowly, chewing on the information. "The Cullen Facade."

Nodding once, I extended my palm toward her in a gesture of agreement, "The Cullen Facade."

Bella's eyes lit up in the excitement of new information. "This is juicy stuff. The insider details!"

"You're an insider now, Mrs. Cullen."

"Okay, but what about _you_. There had to be more to it than squabbling with Rose. And why did she get to you so much, anyway? You have so much compassion for Esme, but Rose went through a terrible trauma too, and you don't seem to extend her the same grace."

_Say it again, sister_ snorted my sister's thoughts from the main house.

Clenching my jaw, I said this next bit a little louder. "I did _-do_ -have compassion for Rosalie, but she wanted me to love her even though she had no intention of loving me back. I suppose you could say I found that offensive."

I sighed. "As for your other question, I struggled with my gift, too. I have to pay much more attention in class than my siblings do because if I'm not watching someone's face, I start answering their thoughts."

Introspective now, I mused, "I suppose that might have a little something to do with why it makes me so uncomfortable to not be able to see your face when you talk. I rely on your eyes since I can't hear your thoughts, and when I can't see your eyes...I'm flying blind, " I laughed once with a self-deprecating shrug.

"Makes sense. Like a deaf person reading lips," Bella astutely inferred.

" _Exactly_ like a deaf person reading lips _,_ " I agreed.

Bella's expression turned contemplative. "That will be so weird going back to high school with you all when I'm in control of myself. I'm just getting used to the whole 'Mrs. Cullen,' thing, and then I'll have to go back to being your girlfriend," she said, furrowing her brow.

Then panic flashed across her face. "I won't have to take my ring off, will I?" She held her left hand clenched protectively against her chest.

My dead heart swelled in my chest at seeing how repellant this idea was to her.

The corner of my mouth lifted into a smirk. "First I couldn't get it on you, and now you won't take it off," I gently pried her hand away from her chest and kissed her ring. "But not to worry, it's such a dated style that no one will suspect it's a wedding ring.

"It's funny, I was just talking to Carlisle about how strange that will be. And _distracting_ ," I laughed without humor, trying not to think about the events of the previous night.

"How would you feel about going to an all girl's school?" I asked, only half-joking.

Bella's face twisted into one of outrage. "Not unless you're going to put on a dress and come, too!" she shouted.

I blanched. If Emmett thought I was whipped now… I backpedaled, "On second thought, maybe by then I'll have time to get desensitized to hearing improper thoughts about my wife," I rolled my eyes. Un-bloody-likely.

"Speaking of distractions," I said, changing the subject, "aren't I breaking the rules right now? I'm not supposed to be distracting you."

"Not the kind of distraction I was talking about, Mr. Dazzle-Your-Pants-Right-Off," she teased, her brown eyes scorching.

"Now _that's_ rich coming from you, Mrs. " _Please,_ Edward, _please!_ " I batted my lashes at her in a playful imitation.

Bella glared at me and puffed up her chest. "Fair point, well made. I'm going to go finish my paper now."

I chuckled at her retreating back. "I will look forward to reading it. If you need me, I'll just be up at the house visiting with everybody."

Bella sashayed out of the room. "Don't be too terrible to Rose," she called from the hall. "She said some really nice things about you too, you know," she said as her voice drifted farther away.

My eyebrows rose halfway to my hairline. Now _that_ came as a surprise.

"What did she _say_?" I asked, loud enough for Bella to hear me in the hallway, but she just laughed and kept walking.

*BPOV*

I had just put the finishing touches on my paper when I got a notification that my mom had emailed. I cringed guiltily.

I had meant to get back to her days ago but hadn't gotten around to it, what with all the amazing sex I couldn't seem to stop having. I smirked, considering her reaction if I told her that. She'd probably be thrilled for me.

_Hey Mom,_

_Sorry for the holdup. I've just been super busy with getting settled in and homework. Who would've thought there'd be so much of it in the Ivy League? Haha._

_Glad to hear Phil's new coaching job is working out. I hope you're not getting too stir-crazy being in one place for so long. Roots are nice, too, when you grow them with the right person. :)_

_School is great! Hard. But it's nice that people in my classes are there because they want to be. That's a nice change from high school._

_Oh, and guess what? I got to go shopping in New York City with Alice and Rose! You'd faint if you knew how much money those two could spend in one afternoon. It was a lot of fun. Expect a souvenir coming your way soon!_

_Edward says hi! That's it for now. Talk soon!_

_Love,_

_Bella_

I hit send and leaned back in my desk chair feeling pretty good about my productivity for the morning. I looked around the library, determined to keep up my streak.

Setting my sights on a new shipment of books that needed to be sorted and shelved, I dragged the heavy box over toward the newly-installed rolling ladder.

I couldn't help but feel giddy every time I looked at it. There was just something about rolling ladders.

Somehow, during Edward's litany of getting-to-know-you questions, he'd missed asking me about my favorite childhood movie. If he'd asked me, I would have told him Beauty and the Beast.

I guess you could say I related to the slightly odd, brunette girl named _Belle_ who took care of her hair-brained parent and whose nose was always stuck in a book. And I suppose you could also draw comparisons about our taste in men, I snorted to myself.

But every time I looked at my rolling ladder, I couldn't help but be reminded of the iconic scene where Belle goes to the bookshop singing about her provincial life and exuberantly rides the ladder to the end of the rail while regaling the bookseller about her favorite book.

For my inner five-year-old self, there wasn't much more I wanted out of life.

I'd badly wanted to take the ladder for a spin, but felt more than a little silly with Edward hanging around. But since he was out of the house...

Standing in my socks, I made a running start of three long strides and then threw myself onto the first rung of the ladder, letting my momentum carry me to the end of the line. Well, that's what was _supposed_ to happen anyway, but instead the ladder sort of petered out halfway across.

"Well _that_ was anticlimactic," I muttered to myself, glad that nobody had been there to witness my ridiculousness.

I rolled my eyes at myself before kneeling down on the floor to get back to the business of putting the books away. I stacked them into smaller piles sorted by genre and then alphabetized them by the author's name.

This took longer than it needed to because I kept flipping through the books and getting drawn into them. But eventually, I only had one pile left to put away. I tucked the tidy stack of books under my arm and mounted the ladder.

I was one step away from the top rung when the books shifted under my arm and clattered to the floor. I cursed under my breath and started to reverse back down the ladder to retrieve them.

Tractionless in my socks, my foot slipped out from under me on the lacquered wooden rung. My stomach lurched into my throat as I felt the floor rushing toward me.

*EPOV*

"Hey bro, I hope you're not gonna try to welch out of our deal because Rose went off all half-cocked. I held up my end of things," Emmett said, never taking his eyes off of the video game he was playing.

"No, Em, a deal is a deal," I sighed. "Though, now that the cat is out of the bag on that, I hope you'll use a little gentlemanly discretion on what you tease her about, as a courtesy to me," I asked in my most persuasive voice.

He chuckled darkly. "Have you even _met_ me?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. It would seem Bella was on her own. Though let him say something over the line, and favorite brother or not, I'd still crack him in half.

"Rose is in the garage if you're looking for her," he said unnecessarily. "Don't make me turn the hose on you two," he smirked.

"I don't have anything to say to Rose," I snapped.

Emmett gave me a withering look then turned back to his game. "Where's my little sister? You can't hide her in your sex shack forever," he guffawed.

That was my cue to find Alice. No sooner had I thought it did I hear her thoughts beckoning me from her and Jasper's room.

"So a new kind of currency will emerge that only exists on the internet?" Jasper asked raptly.

"Uh-huh. Cryptocurrency. One in particular, Bitcoin, is going to be huge. It will be extremely volatile, and lots of people will lose money. But if we time it right, and I _always_ time it right, we'll be able to cash out big," Alice smiled winningly.

"Oh, and a video game retailer will cause a big kerfuffle on the stock market in 2021. That'll be a big boon, too."

"We have more money than we know what to do with, but it's never enough is it?" I teased Alice, as I bumped fists with Jasper in greeting and sat down next to him on their couch.

Turning away from her brokerage account portfolio on her massive PC monitor, she looked at me sourly. "Well if you're going to keep turning $1400 dresses into dust rags, then _somebody's_ gotta keep making the bacon."

My look of amusement morphed into annoyance. I opened my mouth to say something when I felt the tendrils of calm creep over me. Jasper gave me a pointed look.

"Oh, save it, Edward," Alice huffed impatiently. "I tried to stop her. And I defended you to the last when Rose ratted you out. Bella makes her own choices, so I don't know what you expected me to do..."

"I was _going_ to say you could have at least fed her lunch," my eyebrows rose in accusation, but my expression was otherwise bored.

Alice grimaced and cursed under her breath. "I wish the girl would learn to speak up," she rolled her eyes.

"You and me, both!" I smirked.

Then my brow furrowed in concentration as my focus was pulled toward unfamiliar sounds coming from the house I shared with Bella.

It sounded like she was dragging something heavy across the carpet. Was she moving furniture? And then it sounded like she was running. _What was she doing?_ Not writing a paper, that's for sure.

Alice broke out into giggles and I saw what she was laughing about and the source of the noise.

In her vision, Bella took a running leap at the rolling ladder and skated just a few feet before running out of momentum. She had the most comically dejected look on her face when it crawled to a stop. I pursed my lips to keep from laughing, but it was a losing battle.

"So, Bella's birthday is Wednesday," I began, laughter still in my voice.

"Get her a can of WD-40 for the casters," Alice's cheeky smile turned into a full-on laugh, joined by my own.

"You two are insufferable sometimes," Jasper muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry, Jazzy," Alice trilled, her face contrite. "I'll explain later."

"So about her birthday. Can we agree, _no parties_?" I said through my teeth.

"Now _there's_ something I can agree to," Jasper replied, relief coloring his thoughts.

Alice's eyes widened. "I don't think she'll be in any mood for a party."

I didn't think much of Alice's assertion at first because Bella was _never_ in the mood for a party. But then I heard with my own ears what Alice was seeing with her eyes.

Bella falling from the ladder and the sickening crunch of bone.

I was off the couch and halfway to the house before I had time to curse.

I nearly yanked the front door right off its hinges getting to her.

"Bella!" I called, my voice was strangled with panic as I flew to her side on the floor of the library.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," she croaked from a heap on the floor surrounded by books strewn haphazardly around her.

"Where does it hurt?" I asked anxiously, crouching down beside her without yet moving her in case of a spinal injury. She was laying on her back and cradling her left arm to her side. Her shoulder was obviously out of joint, but I was relieved to see (and smell) that there weren't any blood or compound fractures.

"I landed on my shoulder and cracked my head pretty good, but nothing too terrible, I don't think," she diagnosed herself, but the obvious strain in her voice didn't do much to quell my concerns.

"Can you feel all of our extremities? Nothing feels numb?" I asked, ascertaining whether I could take her to Carlisle at the hospital myself or if she would need an ambulance.

"I'm _fine_ , Edward. Just a jammed shoulder. Can you help me up?" She started to sit up.

As gingerly as I could, I picked her up into my arms.

"I'm taking you to Carlisle," I insisted, already hastening toward the car. "You need your shoulder popped back into place and a head x-ray."

Agonized, I looked at her face, tear-stained and screwed up in pain. I had been to medical school twice. In theory, I could pop it back in myself. It was a straightforward enough procedure, but it would cause her a terrible amount of pain before the relief came, and I wasn't sure I could bring myself to hurt her.

But then again, she was already _in_ pain, and that pain would just be prolonged the longer her shoulder remained dislocated.

I sighed anxiously and just decided to ask her. "Bella, keeping in mind that you're going to the hospital either way to get your head checked out, do you want me to pop your shoulder back in now, or would you rather Carlisle did it at the hospital?"

She seemed to scrutinize me. "I'll wait. It's a short drive, right?" I already had her in the car and her seat belt buckled by the time she finished the question.

"It's about to be," I muttered and stepped on the gas.

*BPOV*

"I guess it's a good thing you all can hear me at our house after all, otherwise who knows how long I would've been on the floor? I need a Life Alert necklace," I laughed weakly, wincing when my shoulder was jarred.

"While I can't argue with the Life Alert idea," he gave me a scathing look, "I was with Alice. We saw the whole thing. Do you mind telling me what on earth you were doing lifting stacks of heavy books to the top of a ladder? In your socks. _Alone."_

"Trying to be productive," I muttered. Blushing to my hairline, I asked suddenly mortified, "How _much_ did you see exactly?"

Edward gave me a sideways glance and seemed to laugh despite himself.

Could this day get any worse? It would seem my foolishness didn't go unwitnessed after all. I gritted my teeth. Blasted mind-reading, omniscient vampires!

The good thing about hospitals was that they pretty much always had underground parking that made it easy to get in and out of a hospital in the daylight hours without getting caught in the sun.

Somebody, Alice I guessed, must have let Carlisle know that we were on our way to see him because he was waiting in the lobby just on the other side of the elevator doors as they dinged open.

Edward didn't put me down until we were in an exam room, even though I insisted my legs worked just fine.

"We have _got_ to stop meeting like this, young lady," Carlisle chastened with his arms crossed across his chest.

"I know, I know," I looked at the floor. "I was being dumb."

"Any blurry or double vision?" He asked, checking my eyes for signs of a concussion. I shook my head no.

"Edward, hold her good hand. Bella, I'm afraid this is going to hurt for a moment, but you'll feel much better once the joint is back in place."

I nodded, but before I could say, "This isn't my first rodeo," he had already wrenched my arm back into its proper place. I let out one loud yelp at the searing pain but then felt immediate relief. It was over so fast, I didn't even have time to squeeze Edward's hand.

" _Thank you_ ," I breathed. He prodded gently around my scalp with his fingers. I winced when he found a tender spot.

"I'd say 'Anytime,' but you might take that too literally," he teased. "Now get on down to radiology. I don't think it's anything worse than a bad bump, but it never hurts to double-check. Edward, get her some anti-inflammatories for the pain from the pharmacy.

"Oh, and Bella. No... _strenuous activities_ that would put any undue pressure on your shoulder for the next six weeks." His expression left little doubt about what strenuous activity he was referring to.

Too appalled to be embarrassed, I shouted " _SIX WEEKS?!"_

I couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Edward muttered "That'll teach you." under his breath.

"Take care of yourself, Bella." Then Carlisle gave Edward a meaningful look before excusing himself from the room.

" _Six weeks,"_ I whispered sorrowfully.

"I shouldn't be telling you this…I should let this be a lesson to you," he glared. "But there are plenty of things we can do without straining your shoulder," he smiled my favorite crooked smile.

While I was getting my head x-rayed, Edward picked up my pain meds and then got me home and comfortably laid up on the couch with the TV remote in my hand. Carlisle had called while we were on the way home to say that my head scans looked good.

As I was flipping through the channels, there was a knock at the door.

"It's open, Emmett," Edward said in a conversational tone.

The door swung open and in walked Emmett holding an enormous vase of flowers. His head was completely obscured by the blooms. He set the vase down on the sideboard in the foyer and pulled a teddy bear from under his enormous bicep.

"Heard you had an accident, Squirt. Just wanted to come by and say I hope you get better soon," he handed me the bear.

"Aww _thanks_ , Em," I said, touched. "That's so sweet!" And then I noticed the bear was holding a small chalkboard. In Emmett's boyish scrawl read the message "0 Days since my last ER trip," with the number 120 crossed out next to the zero.

I geared up to throw the stuffed bear at his head but Emmett was already out the door, laughing all the way home.

"120? That seems generous," Edward chuckled.

So I threw the bear at him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forty whole chapters without some kind of accident befalling Bella? That has to be some kind of a record! Haha. Thank you as always for your thoughtful reviews!
> 
> So I have a question for you all. How do you want to see this story progress? Do you want to see Bella get to live out the human college experience for a while longer, or do you want her to hurry TF up and get turned already? I'm champing at the bit to get to that, but I don't want to rush anything either, so I'm taking a consensus.
> 
> Thanks for your feedback! Love to hear your thoughts! 'Til next time!


	42. Chapter 42

*BPOV*

In between waiting on me hand and foot, Edward had spent the rest of Sunday dutifully ticking off items from our household to-do list, rendering me completely useless in case I felt the need to be "productive" again.

I grumbled at this. Lady of the house? More like the lady of the couch.

He tried to convince me to stay home and rest some more when Monday came. Though, as I had a paper due, and it wasn't even my writing arm that was injured, I insisted he take me to school as usual.

My last class was just wrapping up for the day, and I was glad for it. It was clearly time to take another anti-inflammatory, I thought, feeling the ache in my shoulder flare.

"A new week, a new paper," Professor Lipton sing-songed to a chorus of groans. She wrote the word "misogyny _"_ on the overhead projector and underlined it three times.

Sexuality in Literature in the Early Modern Period had turned out to be a much less titillating course than several of my male classmates had bargained for.

"3,000 words on the role of misogyny in early modern literature and how that has translated to the present day. On my desk no later than Friday, people!" And with a wave of her hand, we were dismissed.

Now that seemed like a topic I could sink my teeth into, I thought as I gathered my things.

"Did you ever think a sexuality course could be so dull?" sneered one of the obnoxious frat boys from earlier who fell into step with me as I filed out of the room. Edward's words rang through my ears.

_With students, we learned pretty quickly that if you're rude enough from the get-go, people tend to leave you alone._

I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to practice the Cullen Facade. I straightened up and turned toward the boy, raking my eyes over him from head to toe.

Polo shirt, check. Pastel-colored shorts, check. Enormous wristwatch, check. Boat shoes, check. Reeked of cologne, CHECK. The guy was a walking stereotype.

"I'm just _so_ shocked that a privileged, heterosexual, white male finds the subject of misogyny dull. Way to break the mold!" I spat, acid in my tone. I tried my best to look down my nose at someone who stood a foot taller than me.

"You must be fun at parties," he snorted before hightailing it from the room.

"Miss Cullen?" A soft female voice called from behind me. I whirled around wondering what trouble I had just got myself into.

Professor Lipton was standing behind her desk, packing up her own bag.

"It's Mrs. Cullen, actually." Her eyes widened in surprise at my correction. "And I _really_ enjoyed your lecture today," I added. Endlessly polite.

Professor Lipton smiled warmly. "I'm so glad. I just wanted to say," she said nodding towards the door that frat-bro had just vacated, "Ten points to Gryffindor," she winked and zipped up her computer bag.

I smiled and wished her a pleasant afternoon, and walked out of the lecture hall at least two inches taller.

*EPOV*

I waited in the shade by our usual spot at the coffee cart. Bella seemed to be running a little later than usual. I narrowed my focus to hear the thoughts coming from the general location of Sanborn House to see if maybe her class was letting out late.

I saw her face in the vapid mind of a young man who mentally referred to everyone as _"bruh."_ He was thinking of something clever to say to Bella as he caught up to her after class. I ground my teeth. I supposed this part was inevitable.

What I hadn't expected was Bella's razor-sharp response. As the frat boy made a run for it with his tail tucked between his legs, I bounced out of his mind and into that of her professor's.

Maggie Lipton made it a point to make the first few weeks of her class a bit of a bore to weed out the dead-weight students who enrolled in her class solely due to the sexual nature of the coursework. Students like Blake Andrews. He'd drop the class within a week, she was sure of it.

" _I'm just so shocked that a privileged, heterosexual, white male finds the subject of misogyny dull. Way to break the mold!"_ spat one of her most engaged front-row students to the very same Blake Andrews.

Maggie could've been knocked over by a feather by the forcefulness in the mousy student's tone.

Maybe she'd be rid of the Andrews kid even sooner than a week thanks to her new favorite student.

She was even more bowled over when this girl of no more than nineteen drew herself up straight and called herself "Mrs. Cullen, actually," with a strong note of pride.

"Ten points to Gryffindor," Professor Lipton winked at Bella, who lit up at the praise. The triumphant look on her face was one I wouldn't have wanted to miss for the world.

After Bella's accident, relatively minor as it was, I was growing even more eager for her immortality. Every day her heart continued to beat felt like a risk. There were so many ways that she could be taken from me that I'd be powerless to do anything about.

Brain aneurysm. Hit by a bus. Freak meteorite accident. Breaking her neck _falling off a ladder_.

With her propensity for disaster, I couldn't discount even the remotest of possibilities.

However, being a fly on the wall for that brief window into Bella's day was a sorely needed reminder that this time was a worthwhile risk. She deserved this time to grow and learn, emotionally as well as intellectually...even if it meant I would be a nervous wreck until the moment my teeth finally sank into her skin.

Fourteen more weeks until the fall semester concluded and classes were dismissed for the holiday break.

Last I'd checked, Bella had plans to see her mother for Christmas and then...and then there was nothing stopping us from going forward with her "renovations," as Bella referred to them.

She could always change her mind, of course. Though, if I was being honest with myself, I'd stopped hoping for that somewhere along the way.

If selfish was what it made me to need her by my side forever, then so be it. I could live with that. What I couldn't live without was _her_.

After seeing Bella draw herself up to her full height and introduce herself as "It's Mrs. Cullen, actually," I couldn't doubt for a second that Bella was as committed as she'd ever been.

Watching her rebuff another male and then go on to declare herself Mrs. Cullen had made me positively ravenous with need for her. Thank heaven it was time to take my wife home.

At the same time as my hands wrapped around Bella's waist from behind, I murmured " _Wow_ ," into her ear and pressed my lips to her pulse point. She hummed contentedly under my touch.

With my hands on either side of her waist, I spun her around to face me. I reached for the strap of her book bag slung over her good shoulder and slid it over my own.

"I thought I was going to have to keep an eye on that guy, but he won't be bothering you again, you made sure of _that._ And then after that, with your professor.." I drew in a breath and stared at her with wide-eyed disbelief.

"You were watching?" Her eyes grew surprised, and then I worried if I'd made a misstep in doing so.

"Only for a minute. You were late," I shrugged. "I have never been so simultaneously proud and _turned on_ in my existence," I growled, eyes smoldering. "Can I _please_ take you home and shower you in my admiration?"

She giggled and her cheeks warmed to a lovely shade of pink. "Well when you ask like _that..."_ she purred and raised her arms to wrap them around my neck, then winced and put her left arm back down to her side.

I frowned and cupped a hand gently around the ball of her shoulder, hoping to soothe the inflammation. .

I pulled a small bottle of ibuprofen out of the pocket of my jacket, knowing she was due for her next dose. She looked at the bottle with relief.

"You're a lifesaver," she held out her palm while I shook out two pills.

"You'll want to eat something with those, so I got you a snack," I said, pulling out a small parchment bag from my backpack. Inside was a warm chocolate croissant from the coffee cart, her favorite.

She made a look of pure delight as she bit into it. "Oh my gosh, that's heaven!" she gushed, with a dusting of powdered sugar left behind on her chin.

Buoyant with pride and jubilation, I said, "Allow me," while taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger and kissing the sweetness off her skin.

Once we were in the car and headed for home, I couldn't help but indulge my curiosity.

"Bella, I have to know. What were you thinking back there in your classroom? I've never seen you like that. You were _fierce_. Your professor thought so, too."

She blushed and looked at her lap. "I was practicing the Cullen Facade since that idiot gave me such a perfect excuse to be rude. And then, with Professor Lipton, I just tried to be-"

"Endlessly polite," I finished for her, impressed as I was amazed.

"Bella," I said, waiting for her to look at me. "She was utterly dazzled. And so was I."

A winning smile lit up Bella's face, it reminded me of the one I'd seen before after her teacher had praised her. It was a thousand times more brilliant in person than seen through the dim eyes of Maggie Lipton.

*BPOV*

"Learned from the best, I guess," I said offhandedly, with a small tilt of my head and a shrug of my shoulders.

"You know, confidence is the sexiest thing I've ever seen you wear," Edward said with certainty, unleashing the full power of his eyes on me.

My blood boiled under my skin. "If you keep looking at me like that, we're not going to make it home," I warned with a nervous laugh in my voice. I wasn't so sure that was an outcome I minded.

That seemed to give him an idea. "How's your shoulder? Are you feeling up to being a bit... spontaneous?"

"With you? Always!" I promised. Edward's eyes shined with excitement and anticipation.

I looked over at him with confusion when he eventually parked the car in front of our house.

"Just dropping off the car, love," he explained. "We won't be needing it."

"Ok, well since we're here, I'm going to run inside for a human moment and drop off my books." My stomach growled. Maybe I'd pack a quick lunch, too.

"Sure thing. I'll be waiting right here," he said, making himself comfortable in one of the porch rockers.

My eyes grew soft looking at him there, because not only was I reminded of the time I'd woken up to him sitting in my bedroom rocking chair that first night he stayed, but there was just something so breathtaking about him occupying 50% of the rocking chairs that looked exactly right for "growing old" together.

He was the one I'd always hoped would be sitting beside me in a chair just like that, and by some miracle, we were doing exactly that-growing old together, with perhaps a few less wrinkles and gray hairs.

I watched him in profile, a serene expression on his face. His brow was smooth, his nose was straight and perfect, and there was the hint of a smile on his face.

"If you keep looking at me like that, Mrs. Cullen, we aren't going to make it off this _porch,"_ he turned his head toward me with a smirk and an arched eyebrow.

Jarred from my abstraction, I scurried inside. I tossed my book bag on the desk in the library, pausing to inspect the newly-applied non-slip grips installed along every inch of the ladder rungs. I rolled my eyes. He didn't waste any time.

After using the bathroom, and throwing together a quick bag lunch, I rejoined Edward on the porch.

"Alright, I've got my sweater and a PB&J. Bring on the spontaneity!" I announced cheerfully, shutting the door behind me. Edward took my lunch and zipped it inside his own backpack that he hitched over his shoulders.

Then, Edward picked me up into his arms, probably so I wouldn't strain my shoulder having to hold on to him, and dashed around the back of the house, running past the pond and into the trees beyond.

"I found this place the other day when Carlisle and I were surveying the area for hunting possibilities," he murmured into my hair. He came to a stop at the top of a gently sloping hill.

Somewhere tucked into the foothills of the "mountain," (it was more of a hill by Washington's standards), Edward had found an ancient grove of maple trees that grew along the base of a hill, overlooked by a rusty-red long-abandoned barn.

The trees, in full swing of autumn, were a shocking blaze of color, in every shade of red, orange, and yellow. From the slight distance where we stood, they almost appeared to be on fire. Some of the trees even had buckets still attached to the trunks from some long-ago time when they were harvested for their sap.

The treetops had been slightly thinned by the changing seasons, leaving a blanket of crunchy, brightly colored leaves on the ground below.

" _Edward_ ," I breathed. "It's incredible! Like something out of a Thomas Kincaide painting!" I whispered. The place was too beautiful, too peaceful to want to ripple the calm with talking.

Edward beamed at my obvious wonderment. "I thought we could use a new place that was all our own."

He set me down on my feet and we strolled down the hill, hand in hand, at a leisurely pace as I took in the sights, sounds, and smells of this enchanted place that seemed to be forgotten by time.

The chirping of birds, the light crunch of leaves and twigs under our feet, the earthy scent of decaying leaves, the rough, grayish-brown textures of rocks and tree bark under my outstretched fingers. And best of all, nothing was _green._

Our meadow, much like the rest of the Pacific Northwest was green, and wet, and cold. This place, our grove was warm and dry and brown, save for the vibrantly colored leaves. It couldn't have been any more perfectly symbolic for the different season we were now in in our own lives.

Married. In college. In this weird transitional phase before realizing my true fate to become a vampire, to join my chosen family for eternity.

Every day these trees lost more and more of their glorious lifegiving leaves. In just a few weeks, they would be made completely barren by a bitterly cold winter.

Edward laid out a warm fleece blanket under a large, sprawling maple. Its canopy was so vast and thickly branched with mostly red leaves that I could scarcely see the sky. I curled up into him, with my face resting against the hard stone of his chest.

In the slight breeze, the fiery, star-shaped leaves drifted lazily down around us in every direction.

"If this is what you meant by showering me in admiration, then consider me impressed," I said dreamily, as I wrapped my fingers around a crimson leaf that had fallen onto Edward's chest.

"Not even close," it was almost a growl. "But it's a nice effect, isn't it?" Edward's voice was husky as he rolled on top of me. I froze involuntarily as his words reminded me of something James had said in the ballet studio.

That close-call felt like it was another lifetime ago, but still, every now and again, something would take me back to that day.

Cool fingers stroked my face. "Where did you go?" Edward's lips murmured into the hollow below my ear.

I shook my head slightly to free myself from my memories so that I could lose myself in the liquid gold of Edward's eyes.

"Sorry, just daydreaming," I smiled, probably just a bit too wide to be convincing.

"Tell me," he crooned, planting kisses down my throat. "I love a good daydream."

Thinking fast, I said, "I was remembering...the last time we were in our meadow. And how it's just like you said it would be. No curfews or treaty lines, just you and me in our little house...doing married people things."

"Mmm," he hummed, skimming his nose along the ridge of my collarbone. "We did some _very_ married-people things _that_ day."

Edward's hands slid under the hemline of my top, grazing the sensitive skin of my sides with his cool touch. "I was thinking we could do some more married people things right now," he rasped.

I giggled and knotted the fingers of my good arm into his hair as his lips traced the line of abdominal muscles that creased my stomach from my belly button up to my bust.

"What's gotten into you, today?" I asked breathlessly as he pulled my shirt gently over my head and tossed it to the side, soon to be joined by his own. It wasn't a complaint.

"You," he growled into my skin. "My God, Bella, I've never needed you as badly as when I saw you being a total badass today." His acute need was evident in the desperate way he kissed me.

I felt the cups of my bra pull away from my body as his hand slid under my back and smoothly unclasped it.

His mouth descended on my breasts, lips sucking and tongue twirling as his fingers simultaneously pinched the nipple of the other side with just enough pressure to make me arch my back for more. He hummed approvingly, sending deep vibrations into the soft, milky skin of my chest.

Slightly overwhelmed by the sensations and urgently wanting to feel his lips on mine, I put my hands on the sides of his face and pulled him up so that his face hovered over mine. I kissed him hungrily, meeting the intensity of his desire with my own.

It was a little awkward only having the use of one arm to wrap around him, but with my good arm, I raked my fingers through his air and slung my arm around his neck as he kissed me senseless.

Edward had to be the one to pull away first to let me breathe, but he just continued on down the column of my throat.

I managed to kick off my favorite chucks and wrap my legs around his back, pulling him right against my core. The guttural groan that this elicited from Edward sent a rush of heat straight to where our denim-covered bottom halves collided.

" _Take them off,"_ he whispered gruffly. "Unless you happened to bring another pair," he let out a hard-edged laugh.

I only had the one pair of jeggings, so I shimmied out of them and my panties while I was at it, while Edward lost the rest of his own clothes, slipping a condom out of the pocket of his jeans and tossing it on the blanket. I arched an eyebrow at him.

"I was a Boy Scout as a human, Bella. 'Be prepared' is our motto." His smile was as crooked as it was unapologetic.

"But don't you worry, we won't be needing that for a while yet," he said, lowering himself down on his front in between my legs. " _This_ is what I meant by showering you with my admiration," his cool breath on my heated core sent a violent shiver of desire rippling up my spine.

And just when I thought I might die from the anticipation, my stomach clenched as Edward rolled us so that he was on the bottom and I was now straddling his face.

"Edward!" I gasped, clutching my hand to my chest at the suddenness of the movement. His face between my thighs looked positively wicked. And then the only thing I could focus on was the feeling of his tongue moving over the slickness of my skin.

Edward, of course, was tireless as he loved me over and over again, in circles and swirls that made me dizzy, and then with deep, penetrating strokes of his tongue that left me hoarse from crying out in pleasure.

When my legs started to shake, unable to support myself, I felt Edward reach up and place supportive hands at my waist as he continued to tease out my orgasm with expert precision.

The sound of his groan, muffled by my folds as I grinded against his mouth in hot pursuit of my release sent the first waves of pleasure crashing over me. His answering moan made me wonder which of us was enjoying this more.

Edward licked me until I jerked away, oversensitive, and then rolled me lightly back onto my back, where I laid there, heaving and rapturous. He gently disentangled himself and laid down next to me.

"Wasn't it your original plan for us to be together as virgins until I died? How did you see that going?" I teased, with a lazy, satisfied smile.

"If I love a ridiculous woman, then you love a sometimes-idiotic man," he said chuckling wryly. " _God,_ was that ever a terrible plan," Edward shook his head, laughing at himself.

"One of your worst," I agreed, grinning. "This, though," I said, patting the blanket on which we laid, "This was one of your best."

Edward turned his head toward me and rewarded me with my favorite smile. I closed my eyes and stretched my neck toward him for a kiss which he eagerly returned. His kiss was soft at first and then deepened with the growing intensity of his need.

His arms wrapped firmly around me and then we were rolling, kissing, laughing, panting, and rolling some more.

When Edward had me positioned on top of him, he pressed me tightly to his chest and then rose up smoothly to a kneeling position, with me straddling his lap.

I inhaled sharply at the feeling of his cold, hard arousal pressing against the furrow of my backside. One of his hands crept in between our bodies to slide a thumb over my swollen bundle of nerves.

I whined and bucked at his teasing, already feeling another orgasm mounting.

In a flash of movement I barely caught, Edward rolled a condom on himself behind my back, and then was lifting me up several inches over his straining erection.

Edward's voice in my ear was rough with desire. "Say it again, _Miss Cullen,"_ he hinted, and then I knew exactly what he was wanting to hear. I threw my head back as his thumb continued to work its extraordinary magic between my legs.

"It's Mrs. Cullen, actually." My voice was low and husky to my own ears. Edward's deep groan came from low in his throat as he sheathed himself in me, slowly and gently, but without a moment's hesitation.

With his forearm wrapped securely around my back, he curled his body into me, flexing the taut, perfectly-defined muscles of his abdomen with every upward thrust.

From this position, he filled me so deeply it felt like I could feel him in my throat. I raised my head back to the level of his and rested my forehead against his as I bounced over him. His eyes were clenched shut in concentration, and his cool breath washed deliciously over my face as we raced each other over the edge.

Ever the gentleman, Edward waited for me to reach my climax, coaxing me with deliciously dirty words in my ear.

"That's it, my Bella, you're going to come so hard for me. Feel my fingers. Feel my cock filling you up. Give it to me, Bella. I want to feel you explode."

Edward had never been quite so vocal before, and that was all it took to see stars exploding behind my eyelids as I went to pieces around him, shaking and sobbing with pleasure.

With three more pumps, Edward turned his head away from me and grunted into his shoulder as he found his own release.

Holding me close to him, still connected, I felt him pant raggedly into the flushed skin of my throat as he slowly withdrew his still-hard erection from my body. The loss of him made me feel, well, hollow inside.

As we laid there together coming back down to earth, limbs intertwined, without a care in the world between us, my quiet laughter bubbled out of my chest.

"What's funny?" He murmured, stroking his fingers lightly down my back.

"If your bedside manner is going to be _this_ good, maybe I should plan for another accident or two while I'm still breakable," I teased.

Edward's glare was as instantaneous as it was furious.

" _Kidding_. Kidding! Sheesh."

Still glaring, "You're a regular Johnny Carson," Edward deadpanned.

"Who?" I feigned ignorance, trolling him.

Edward sighed. "Eat your sandwich, Bella."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think *I* might need a sandwich after that one. Lol. Thank you all very much for your feedback after the last chapter! It was incredibly helpful. Of those of you who responded, it seems almost right down the middle between those who are digging the college life and those who want to see Bella turned already.
> 
> Bella will get to finish her semester, but if you notice a bit of glossing over the days and weeks...you'll know why. ;) I really hope you liked this update, and I can't wait to hear what you think. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...I posted the last chapter pretty late on Tuesday and I'm wondering if maybe the new chapter notification might've gotten buried in your email folders or something, because almost nobody reviewed it, like crickets, which is kinda unusual.
> 
> So if you don't remember reading about Edward taking Bella to their new meadow, The Grove, then go back and read Chapter 42. Now without further ado, Bella's birthday. Enjoy! And please review! I can't stress enough how much your feedback keeps me motivated to keep writing.

***EPOV***

I watched Bella's face as she slept. Nineteen. My wife was nineteen years old today. It seemed almost impossible to believe that just one year ago today, I had set into motion the plan to leave her. Three days from now would mark the anniversary of _that_ blackest of all days.

It was even more incredible to think that a month ago, in August, I'd married the love of my existence, the same person I'd believed to be dead in March. The _same_ one that I'd abandoned for six months prior to that until _she_ rescued _me_ from certain death in Volterra _._ Had two people _ever_ experienced such a tumultuous union?

It was still a mystery to me that I had managed to foul up everything so completely, and yet here she was...sharing my bed, my name, my life.

I tried not to wallow in the feelings of unworthiness that surfaced. Today was a day to celebrate.

While Alice had promised that there would be no parties, there _would_ be a celebration. And Alice had taken so many precautions to make sure that not a single drop of blood was shed, I'd teased her that it was a celebration for a clumsy person, not a suicidal person. Though, admittedly, with Bella sometimes it was hard to tell the difference.

Paper and glass were banned substances. Every single gift had been wrapped in a brightly colored gift bag instead of paper gift wrap.

Alice wouldn't even hear of tissue paper being used as filler, instead, she used bags and bags of iridescent plastic hay, similar to the kind you'd find in an Easter basket.

The cake table was set with plastic cutlery and styrofoam plates and cups (for the _one_ human that would make use of them.)

_It's a good thing this will be her last human birthday,_ Alice thought, _I think our carbon footprint just_ doubled.

I let Alice have her fun knowing her efforts were just as much for Jasper's benefit as they were for Bella's.

There was nobody who wanted, no, _needed_ Bella's birthday to go smoothly more than Jasper did, though I was a very close second.

Like clockwork, by 6 am, Bella moaned groggily as she slowly came to consciousness.

"Rise and shine, birthday girl!" I said cheerfully, drawing the curtains. I'd asked if she wanted to skip school to celebrate her birthday, but never one to make a fuss about herself and very much a creature of routine, Bella declined.

"G'morning," Bella mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes before throwing her legs over the side of the bed and trudging to the bathroom.

I was sitting casually on the foot of the bed waiting for her when she emerged a few minutes later looking a little more awake. I opened my arms to her, as I did every morning, and she crawled into my lap.

We'd kiss good morning, and I'd hold her quietly or we'd speak in hushed tones about everything and nothing for a few moments, and then she'd affectionately pat me twice on the shoulder, hop off my lap, and we'd go our separate ways until breakfast.

It was certainly interesting how having a human among us turned breakfast into a time of family gathering that we never used to observe before.

Love is not a strong enough word for how Esme felt about getting the opportunity to care for one of her children in that way. It was her favorite time of day because she got to feed Bella, which also drew the others around the table.

Alice came to visit with Bella. Jasper went wherever Alice went, but he didn't mind soaking up the good vibes, either. Emmett loved the camaraderie, and even Rosaliehad started to come around. Carlisle was often working, but he joined us whenever he could.

And there was Bella, in the center of it all, nibbling on a piece of bacon while my mother looked on, reveling in maternal satisfaction. The scene looked like a Norman Rockwell painting if Rockwell painted vampire families.

I would have to make the suggestion to Bella about keeping the breakfast routine going even after she was turned, if only to make Esme happy.

"So Bella, are you _sure_ you need to go to school today? How many times in your life will you turn nineteen? Let's go paint the town!" Alice suggested with a little bounce in her seat.

"Subtle, Alice...At least you didn't say 'This is the last birthday you're ever going to have. Let's go party!" Bella said with pursed lips, fighting a smile.

"She was thinking it," I chimed in with a chuckle.

"I only have two classes today. I'll be back before lunch. When the Make-A-Wish people show up with my favorite boy band, tell them to wait and they can tell me how brave I am when I get back," Bella said snarkily, pulling away from the table.

Everyone had a hearty laugh at that, especially Emmett. Nobody appreciated an irreverent sense of humor like my big brother.

"Make-a-Wish people…" Emmett repeated, shaking his head with amusement. "Good one, Squirt," he held out a massive fist for her to bump with her own.

It was a startling juxtaposition. When Bella reached across the table to tap her knuckles to his, her tiny fist was only as wide as two of Emmett's fingers.

"Gotta tell ya, Em. I'm disappointed. Squirt isn't very original as far as little sister nicknames go," Bella teased.

Emmett grinned deviously. "That's not why I call you Squirt, Squirt!"

He grabbed the ketchup bottle off the table that Bella had used to eat with her eggs and squeezed it until a geyser of the viscous, red condiment splattered all over the table, even managing to spatter the ceiling.

Alice and Rosalie, who were sitting closest to him, were horrified at the mess left on their clothing, but Emmett just laughed louder.

"I call you Squirt cause every time I see you, you're bleeding!" He threw his head back and roared in laughter, joined in by Jasper. Never one to take herself too seriously, even Bella laughed at the barb.

Esme was dismayed by the mess, but heartened by the bonding she saw taking place. She hugged Bella and wished her a happy birthday once more before we left for school, and then threw Emmett a dishrag and that universal mom look, that said "Clean this up. Now."

Emmett's jovial thoughts rang out clear as a bell. _Worth it._

I closed the door to the Volvo behind Bella and slid behind the wheel, backing out of the garage and heading toward the main road.

"Two questions," I said without preamble.

Her eyebrows rose in interest as if to say, "Ask away."

"The first is...you have a favorite _boy band_?" I asked, trying not to sound judgmental, but failing. Surely, she had better taste in music than _that._

She looked at me as if I was missing something painfully obvious. "I'm a millennial. And a _girl_. Find me a '90s girl that doesn't have a strong preference between *Nsync and the Backstreet Boys, and I'll show you a damned dirty liar."

I laughed at the vehemence behind her statement. "So which one are you?"

"*Nsync, all day."

Her answer gave new context to the time when I caught her dancing along to the Justin Timberlake song on Isle Esme.

"Interesting," I nodded. Not so much the bit about the boy band, but I was always pleasantly surprised when I found out things about Bella that I didn't know. A new piece to the puzzle.

"I don't think you meant that to be your second question," Bella pointed out as I made the turn onto the freeway.

"Oh, right. My other question, since I'm not a mind reader," I chuckled, "Is there anything special that you'd like to do today? Anything at all?

"Nineteen isn't a particularly big milestone year as far as voting or drinking or renting a car," I laughed lightly, "But, we can do anything you want, just name it."

***BPOV***

I chewed on my lip, considering. The more I thought about it, the more I was starting to have feelings about not getting to experience a typical 21st birthday party. And he _did_ just say drinking, right?

As the daughter of a police chief, I'd seen every high school assembly scare tactic film ever made about the dangers of drug abuse, so that didn't really interest me.

But getting a little boozy to commemorate my birthday seemed an appropriately human thing to do. Something I'd regret _not_ doing later on.

I frowned. Knowing Edward, if I asked for an alcohol-infused birthday, he would have a full bar set up at the house by the time we got back from school. And an IV drip on standby to prevent the hangover.

But sitting at home drinking alone while the Cullens watched with amusement, and probably took bets on how many drinks it took me to vomit, wasn't the experience I had in mind.

Edward sensed my hesitation. "Bella, I mean it, anything you want. Try me."

"I was thinking that I'd like to experience getting drunk at least once before I can't anymore." I closely watched his face for his reaction before I said anything else. His expression was carefully composed.

"But I'm not sure how I would even do that, though, because I don't want to drink alone at home. And I'm obviously not old enough to go anywhere else," I frowned again.

"You want to go to a club?" Edward asked dubiously, knowing my distaste for large crowds and dancing.

"No, no. I was thinking more like...a dive bar. It would be fun to go to some little hole in the wall and pump quarters into a jukebox while I drink something fruity and, I don't know, play darts or something."

Edward's eyes widened in apprehension at the idea of me throwing pointy objects.

"Ok, maybe not darts. But I could probably play pool without sustaining a grievous bodily injury," I laughed. But then my face fell. "But again, I'm not 21."

Edward looked thoughtful for a minute. Then his eyebrow and right side of his mouth quirked up, obviously thinking of something I hadn't.

"Did you know that the drinking age in Canada is nineteen? Montreal is just a couple of hours away, and I speak _excellent_ French," Edward's smile was devilish.

"Of course you do," I sniggered, but getting legitimately excited now. My phone vibrated in my pocket seconds later.

"Yes, Alice?" I pressed my phone to my ear, a wide smile on my face.

"Can we come? Can we come? Oh, please, please, _please_?" My favorite sister begged. I could just imagine her with hands folded in front of her, a pleading expression on her face.

Well, at least Emmett laughing at me in a bar in Canada was better than being at home.

"I'm gonna make you take a shot with me," I warned. They all were going to take a shot with me, and I didn't care if they had to throw it back up. I was not going to drink _or_ vomit alone.

I pulled the phone away from my ear at her loud squeal of excitement. In the background, I heard Jasper's baritone voice sing the first few bars of "O, Canada."

"Have fun at school, Bella!" Alice chirped. "I'm going to book us a few hotel rooms. You aren't going to want to make the drive home tonight," she laughed grimly.

"Hotel? But I have school tomorrow!" I started to protest.

"It's just one day! Ditching every now and again is healthy!" I could practically hear her rolling her eyes at my goody-two-shoedness. Where had I heard _that_ before?

I glanced at Edward; his smile was placid.

"Ok, but I _have_ to be back by early tomorrow afternoon so I can finish my misogyny paper. It's due on Friday," I demanded. I only had one class tomorrow, anyway, and Romance in Medieval England was my least favorite of the three.

"Done!"

I wrapped up the call with Alice and slid my phone back in my pocket.

"I'm sorry!" I blurted unthinkingly. "I should have asked you if _you_ mind missing class tomorrow!" I said, appalled by my own thoughtlessness.

Edward looked at me a little patronizingly as if to say ' _Really, Bella?'_

"Still rude not to ask," I muttered. Then in a brighter tone, I added, "I'm kind of surprised you're being so cool about this, to tell you the truth," I admitted.

Edward scoffed, insulted. "Give me a break, Bella, I'm not _that_ uptight. Even _I've_ been drunk once before," he rolled his eyes as if this were common knowledge.

" _What_?!" I shrieked. "You never told me that before!" I accused in a half-shout.

Edward looked like he was enjoying himself. "There was no drinking age in my time, Bella. At 17, I was considered a man. I'll tell you about it later tonight," he promised, pulling into his usual spot near Greek housing.

Before he moved to get out of the car, he leaned across the center console to kiss me. I eagerly met him halfway. "Try not to do anything too badass when I'm not looking," he teased, kissing me again.

"No promises." But I'd said it to empty space. He was already out of the car and opening my door for me. I was sure he'd heard me, anyway.

Kissing once more when we got to The Green, we parted ways as I walked to my building and he walked to his.

It was a good thing I hadn't skipped class today because Professor Chaney had thrown a pop quiz on Hamlet. I had no trouble with that but lacked focus for the rest of the class, which hadn't gone unnoticed by the professor.

As I was leaving class, Professor Chaney remarked, "Got a hot date with Romeo, Miss Capulet? I've never seen someone look at the clock so many times," his tone was teasing.

I blushed. "Sorry, Professor! Was I that obvious? Actually, I do. It's my birthday today and my family is taking me out to celebrate."

"Huzzah! Happy birthday! Well, thank you for gracing us with your albeit distracted presence on your special day!" Then he added in a stage-whisper, " _I_ don't even come to work on my birthday."

I beamed at him and promised I'd be much more focused when I returned to his class on Friday.

One class down, one to go, I thought, heading downstairs to the larger lecture hall. It was Professor Lipton's class, which I always enjoyed. Though I was sort of dreading bumping into frat-bro.

I squared my shoulders walking into class. Cullens never cowered.

***EPOV***

I didn't have a second class that morning, so I used the time to log in hours in the practice rooms which was a portion of my final grade, as well as keep up with my online coursework.

The practice rooms were little more than closets with questionably tuned loaner instruments for which to practice on.

The nice thing about them, though, was that they were private. I didn't have to play at human speed, because no one was there to watch or listen.

I set aside the grimy communal headphones that were left plugged into the digital piano and plugged in my own set.

Hmm. What to play? Something lively in the spirit of Bella's slightly out-of-character birthday request.

Ah. Of Course! I launched into Aaron Copland's Hoe-Down.

It was the piece that Emmett called the "Beef, It's What for Dinner Song," because of a 90's ad campaign that famously used the composition two years after Copland died.

I bet he would be thrilled to know that his legacy as a composer was being known for the "beef song," I snorted to myself as I played the first cambiata.

I couldn't help but laugh at what was about to transpire this evening. My siblings and I would drive Bella across the border to aid and abet in her getting intoxicated at a bar for her birthday.

There was a first time for everything, I supposed, but more importantly, there was a last time, too.

I couldn't fault Bella for being curious about mind-altering substances; I was just glad she hadn't wanted to try something more dangerous. And a dive bar was manageable. The picture she painted sounded kind of fun, actually.

I imagined leaning over Bella's bent-over form, showing her how to line up a shot in a game of billiards. My body pressed against hers, I'd whisper in her ear about how amazing she looked in... whatever ensemble Alice twisted her arm into wearing.

I hoped it was another pair of those tight jeans, though, because _good lord._

I grinned as I reached the vigorous climax of the composition. Yes, this trip was starting to sound more fun by the minute.

***BPOV***

After I had psyched myself up for another run-in with frat-bro, he wasn't even there that day. So I dutifully took notes the entire period and tried not to be so obvious about my clock watching. But when we were eventually dismissed, I was the first one out the door.

As fast as I was, I still didn't beat Edward to the coffee cart. He chuckled when he took in my keyed-up appearance.

Edward brushed a cool hand over my flushed cheek. "My, my somebody's raring to go!" he murmured, though there was an excited gleam in his eyes, too.

Shortly after, we pulled into the garage at home, and Edward towed me by the hand toward the main house while I whined the whole way. Were presents and cake really necessary? Weren't we going to get into traffic if we waited around too long?

"Bella, it's barely noon. If we left now, we'd be in Montreal by three. Did you plan to start drinking at 3 pm on a Wednesday?" Edward teasingly ruffled my hair.

Damn him and his logic.

"Bring on the presents and cake," I grumbled as if I were being led to the stockade

Everybody was already convened when we passed through the broad archway into the family room.

The entire room was festively decorated with balloons and banners, though there was a noticeable absence of the crepe paper Alice normally loved to decorate with.

And then, to my utter mortification, the entire Cullen clan burst into a rousing, harmonized rendition of "Happy Birthday To You."

I blushed fiercely at being the target of this serenade. At which point, Emmett was suddenly at my side throwing his arm around me with his phone out. He took a quick selfie of us as he mockingly pointed at my cherry red face.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" came from Jasper. I felt a wave of happiness and excitement wash over me.

Jasper stepped forward and presented me with a styrofoam plate bowing precariously under the weight of an enormous slab of funfetti cake.

"Thanks, Jasper!" I beamed as Edward guided me with a hand on the small of my back to a loveseat near the grand fireplace. He took his place next to me and squeezed my hand.

"Me first! Me first!" Alice danced over to the long line of...gift bags? How odd and unlike her. She grabbed three bags in each hand and set them in front of me.

"Those are from Rose and me. To start your collection." Alice drifted back to her perch on the arm of the couch next to Jasper.

In each of the six bags was a different box of shoes. All with names I'd only ever read before in magazines. Christian Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, and a few others I didn't recognize.

I slid the boxes out one at a time to reveal pair after pair of strappy, spikey, scary heels.

"Aww, guys! You got me fuck-me shoes! You shouldn't have!" I exclaimed, for the moment completely forgetting that Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the far end of the couch.

They laughed good-naturedly, though I got the sense they'd be blushing almost as intensely as I was if they could. Edward and the rest were beside themselves with laughter.

Then Emmett was there again, snapping another photo of my chagrin.

Esme brought me the next gift, it was in a smaller bag. "From Carlisle and me. Happy Birthday, dear girl!" Esme wrapped me in a tight hug, before returning to her seat.

Inside a silk drawstring pouch was a bangle-style bracelet with the unmistakable Cullen crest emblazoned onto a silver oval plate. It was a feminine version of the cuff Edward wore.

I gasped at the meaningfulness of the gift. I slid the cuff immediately around my wrist where it would always stay.

Lightly fingering the detailed design, I looked up at my adopted parents with unshed tears and mouthed "thank you," because I didn't think I could say the words out loud without my voice breaking. They were both beaming adoringly at me.

"This one is from me, Squirt. I really hope you don't already have one."

Emmett couldn't even keep a straight face to finish the sentence. Weren't vampires supposed to be masters of deception?

I slid a large box out of the metallic silver bag and onto my lap where I could read the packaging.

"Automated External Defibrillator," I read off the box. Emmett had given me a medical device used to shock someone's heart back to life after a cardiac event...because I was so death-prone.

I looked up at the ceiling, shaking my head muttering obscenities to the heavens.

Then, to Emmett, "I hate you. I hate you so much," I said through a huge, face-splitting grin, shoulders shaking with laughter. My face was a furious red.

I was expecting it this time when Emmett snapped another photo, howling with laughter.

"Jasper has determined that _that_ is a lie," Edward announced in his best Maury Povich imitation, hugging me to his side.

"Your real gift is at your house since paper wasn't allo-"

"Bella, why don't you take a minute to eat your cake while I play the video," Alice cut off Emmett mid-sentence with a glare and clicked a button on the TV remote.

Carlisle's head and shoulders filled the screen. His movie star face smiled warmly as he wished me a happy birthday as graciously as only Carlisle could.

The next face on the screen was Esme's. She waxed on about how thrilled she was to have a new daughter to celebrate, and then made me full-on ugly cry when she emotionally thanked me for loving her boy. As if that was some difficult task.

Edward's arm around me tightened. "More than words can say, yes, thank you for that _,"_ he murmured into the hollow behind my ear, tenderly kissing me there. I tore my eyes from the screen to face him.

The way he looked at me tore the breath from my chest. His eyes were soft and warm, loving and devoted.

How did the gods ever deem someone like me worthy of this angel? There must have been some mistake, some cosmic mix-up.

Alice cleared her throat loudly as her pixie face filled the screen.

And then it finally dawned on me, the thing that I couldn't put my finger on that felt so off about this party. No crepe paper decorations. No gift wrap. No greeting cards, no paper plates. And what was that Emmett had said about paper not being allowed?

But _why?_ My eyes widened in sudden understanding. Because of a papercut that very nearly ruined everything. My head turned rapidly toward the cake table. Styrofoam instead of china.

I gritted my teeth. _Alice had Bella-proofed this party._

"I think she's on to you, Ally," Emmett whispered loudly.

For an immeasurable amount of time, I couldn't decide whether to be mad and throw a fit or to burst into a fit of giggles at the hilarity of having a bubble-wrapped birthday in a family of vampires who had already gone to such great lengths to keep me alive. I chose the latter.

Nodding slowly, I conceded "I guess I deserve this," I said to a room of chortling vampires.

" _See,_ I told you she'd be a good sport," Alice stuck her tongue out at her family.

Locking eyes with a contrite-looking Jasper, I tried to emit an energy of forgiveness, friendship, and warmth so strong that he'd be forever freed from the need to keep punishing himself over that long-forgiven lapse. _Message received_ , said his relieved, answering smile.

Simultaneously, Jasper's voice filled the room as his face on the TV told me how glad he is to have me around and how much happier the whole family is since I joined the family. "I would know," his face on the screen smirked, and then the video cut to Emmett.

Emmett's clip was of him, all dimples and boyishness, showing me the handmade coupon book he'd made me, complete with hand-drawn illustrations.

One coupon good for grizzly hunting lessons.

One coupon for the"Emmett Cullen strength-management course."

Several coupons for a harassment-free day.

And one coupon for his unlimited, unexpiring services for dunking Edward's head in the toilet if he ever steps out of line.

Edward barked out a laugh "You gotta catch me first, big man!"

Rosalie's message was short but sincere. "Happy birthday, Bella. I'm glad to have you as my sister."

Then, Edward's perfect face filled the screen. "Happy birthday to my beautiful Bella. I will celebrate you today and every day for the rest of my very long life. You are the very best thing about me. _I love you."_

I thought the video would cut off there, but it didn't. My hand flew to my wide-open mouth as Charlie's face filled the screen. He looked as uncomfortable and awkward as I would have expected him to.

"Alice told me she was doing some kind of video message thing, so...Happy birthday, kiddo! Things aren't the same around here without you. I miss you every day, but I know you're off kicking butt and making me proud in school and life, just like you always do.

"And don't you worry about me! Sue is taking great care of me," then Sue entered the frame, as Charlie dragged her in front of the camera and slung an arm around her. "Happy Birthday, Bella!" Sue said warmly with a wave.

And then it was Mom and Phil sitting on the couch I recognized from their living room in Jacksonville. Mom's words were warm and sentimental, and then she started to ramble like she always did as Phil tried to reel her back in.

The faces on the screen blurred as my eyes welled up.

"I don't even know what to say. This is the _best_ Bella-proofed, bubble-wrapped birthday person a person could ask for," I said tearfully, looking at each member of my family with love and gratitude.

Jasper walked over to the last gift bag from the bunch and set it at my feet.

I unwrapped it with shaking hands, feeling nervous for some reason, which Jasper wordlessly remedied.

Inside the bag was what looked like a wooden chessboard, sawed in half and fitted with brass hinges and a handle to form its own carrying case.

I flipped open the little brass latches to open the case revealing painstakingly carved and painted chess pieces that resembled the entire Cullen family.

Edward and I were king and queen. Carlisle and Esme were the bishops. Emmett and Jasper were the knights, making Alice and Rosalie the rooks. And the pawns? The pawns were wolves.

My hand flew to my mouth, choked up over such a thoughtful, priceless gift. I softly shut the box and closed the latches so that I could hug the whole thing to my chest.

"You're very welcome. I'm the only one good enough at chess to beat Edward even with his gift. And I'd be happy to teach you my tricks if you promise never to tell him," Jasper's smile was beguiling.

"Can I hug you?" I asked in a whisper.

From next to me, I heard Edward's breath catch in his throat.

***EPOV***

For an endless moment, Bella's question rendered everybody completely speechless, both in words and in thought. And then several things happened all at once.

Jasper stood up a little taller, staggered by Bella's request. He looked first from Bella to me, then to Alice. Seeing that it would be ok, Alice nodded at Jasper with complete confidence.

The thoughts that swirled around me all varied slightly, but there was one main theme.

My family was gobsmacked by Bella's willingness not only to forgive Jasper but to quite literally embrace him. There was also an undercurrent of concern that Jasper wouldn't be able to control himself.

I didn't have to read Jasper's thoughts to understand the look of pure determination on his face. I knew it well.

I had looked much the same when I was determined to make a connection with this shockingly brave, utterly different human girl.

Jasper nodded almost imperceptibly. Bella stood up, handing over the chess set to me as I watched with bated breath as Bella took the slow, careful steps to approach Jasper.

He held his breath as she stretched up on her tiptoes, and slowly, purposefully, reached out her arms to wrap them around Jasper's neck.

Bella subtly tucked her chin as she pulled herself close to him and held him for an incredibly tense moment as Jasper's hands hovered uncertainly over her back, then patted her gently, if a little awkwardly.

Bella knew enough not to linger, and her heels found the floor as she pulled away from him with a wide, accomplished smile.

As Bella returned to my side it felt like the entire room let out a collective breath of relief.

'Thank you," she breathed to Jasper. And then her gaze swept from left to right and back to me.

"That goes to all of you. I feel like a broken record, but thank you. You've made this such a special day, the best day ever, really. I'm so grateful," she blushed for the dozenth time that day.

"You're welcome, Bella, that's all we wanted for you." I smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into my side. "I have a gift for you too, love, but I was hoping you could open it later when we are alone?" I asked her softly.

"Of course," Bella nodded with wide curious eyes.

"Alright, alright, we did cake and presents and embarrassed the hell out of the girl-"

"That was just you, Em," I interjected.

Emmett grinned unrepentantly, "Can we _please_ go unleash a drunken Bella on Canada now? I doubt there will be any survivors."

"Ah, yes, I heard about that," Carlisle's voice cut through the others. "Remember to hydrate, Bella. Eat lots of carbohydrates beforehand, and remember you can always drink more, but you can't drink less. Well, not pleasantly anyway. Have fun and enjoy your evening!" Carlisle cautioned, always the voice of reason and responsibility.

Carlisle put his arms around Esme and thought of Bella as the six of us filed out of the house to pile into our respective cars.

_Home alone with Esme twice in one week? I could kiss that girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had really hoped to make it to Montreal for Bella's night out, but this chapter was just getting so darn long. Getting right to work on tipsy Bella shenanigans. Anything you want to see happen? Drop me a line! I love getting suggestions. Have a great weekend, lovelies!


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O M G, this chapter SLAYED me, you guys. I thought, 'Bella goes to the bar. That'll be a cute, fun little update!' And then this chapter got so far away from me, I don't even know what to say... What you have before you is an utter lack of restraint on my part. So here you have it...the drunken Bella chapter (Or three. It's longer than the wedding chapter was. 🙈 )

***BPOV***

"Hôtel Chez _Swann_? Is this for real?" I giggled as we entered the swanky downtown hotel through the revolving doors.

"Alice thought you'd like that. Rather apropos, even if itis your maiden name," chuckled Edward.

"Alice and Jasper beat us here. They have our room keys," he explained as we skipped the check-in line in the lobby and went straight for the elevators. One hand held mine while the other carried a suitcase.

As we walked down a long hallway toward the elevator lobby, the walls were hung with giant wall-sized chalkboard panels which were colorfully decorated with incredibly diverse chalk art installations by various local artists.

"Emmett and Rose got here last?" I asked cheerfully as we stepped inside an open elevator. " _Amazing_." Something to tease him about.

"They got delayed by a moose crossing the road so Emmett pulled over for a snack," Edward said offhandedly, pressing the button for Alice's floor.

"Ah yeah. I've heard about those Canadian drive-through moose. Very convenient." We both faced forward, not looking at each other as the shiny reflective gold doors dinged shut.

In our reflection, Edward's lips were pursed and his chin was dropped to his chest, shaking silently with his laughter. I smiled, loving that I could make him laugh like that.

Reaching our floor, the door opened. This floor had exposed brick walls that were painted white but glowed blue from the lighting. Canvases of monochromatic abstract art hung in evenly spaced intervals along the walls.

Alice opened the door for us before we knocked, obviously expecting us. She yanked me in the room by the wrist, while Jasper was subsequently ejected. "Go play," Alice's tinkling voice was brusque as she tossed Edward a key card and closed the door in our husbands' faces.

Before a single word was exchanged between us, Alice grabbed me up in a bone-crushing hug, figuratively speaking.

"I can't tell you what it meant to Jasper, you trusting him like that back at the house. That meant so much to him, to both of us," Alice gave me one last squeeze before she let me go.

"It was nothing," I shrugged. "I _do_ trust him. Edward didn't always have such perfect control, and I do a lot more than _hug_ him, don't I?" I snorted.

Alice laughed delightedly. "Alright my little drunkard, let's get you dressed for the ball. I mean bar," she pulled me deeper into the room, and for the first time, I got a good look at the place.

It _looked_ like a vampire's hotel room. Everything was antique, gothic, and sort of French-looking draped in black crushed velvet. I half-expected an enchanted talking clock and candelabra to jump out of a closet and sing me a song.

There was a large ornamental chandelier hanging from the ceiling. An antique armoire stood against the wall, and a fainting couch occupied the corner.

But the focal point of the dramatically appointed room was the enormous rectangular shower stall with clear glass walls right in the middle of the bedroom, just feet away from the bed!

There were black velvet drapes tied back at the corners of the glass that could, in theory, be closed for privacy, but I got the sense that they were mostly just decorative.

"They're called peekaboo showers. _You're welcome,"_ Alice grinned wickedly.

I spoke an errant thought out loud. "How is _Emmett_ going to manage with all that glass?"

Alice snorted derisively. "Are you kidding me? I'm not dealing with that mess. He and Rose are staying in a handicap-accessible room on the first floor."

I threw my head back and laughed. Now _that_ was fodder for teasing.

"Before you get too cocky, I'd just like to point out that Emmett is not the only one who struggles to coexist with _glass_ ," Alice arched a sardonic eyebrow at me as she opened the doors to the armoire and gestured with a wave of her arm to the clothes that hung inside.

But instead of the flouncy, sequin-covered fabrics I would have expected to see, I saw stretch denim, and cotton, and cozy sweaters instead. She brought _my_ clothes with a few new pieces mixed in. I gaped at her.

" _What?_ Don't give me that look. I'm not a total tyrant. It's _your_ birthday. Wear what _you_ feel good in. Besides, if you show up to another bar dressed like a tart, Edward will revoke my stylist privileges."

I nodded emphatically. Now _that_ was definitely true.

***EPOV***

_What a difference a year can make,_ Jasper thought with astonishment as he pointed the remote to the wall-mounted TV from the chaise where he sat in the corner.

"Tell me about it," I said in wide-eyed agreement, taking in the gaudy blood-red room from my seat at the table in an adjacent corner.

It was probably the bedroom Bella _expected_ me to have when she first visited our house in Forks, I thought wryly. The shower, though, now that held promise...Or a trip to the ICU.

"So...any thoughts about how you're going to change her? I imagine that's got to be on your mind more and more the closer we get to the end of the year."

I groaned, tugging a hand through my hair. "I can't seem to _stop_ thinking about it, but no, I don't have a plan, yet. Feels too much like jinxing it." I frowned. "I'm not sure how to bring it up. I don't want Bella to feel pressured, so I've just been following her lead, waiting for her to mention it."

Jasper nodded sagely, flipping through the TV channels and settling on a History Channel analysis of the Civil War. _This should be good for a laugh_ , Jasper snorted to himself.

"Humor me. If you knew without a doubt that Bella was 100% ready and willing to go through with it, how would you _want_ it to go?"

It was something I'd scarcely allowed myself to consider.

I sighed and palmed my face. "That's where I get hung up. This is so very different from the other times. With me and Esme and Rose and Emmett, Carlisle just wanted to save us. He didn't need to think about _setting the mood_ ," I moaned in frustration. _"_ It's a completely different context!

"...And I'm sure Bella is going to want it to be romantic and intimate. And ideally private. But I'm not sure I can think of it that way when-"

"When you're going to be shooting her full of morphine?" Jasper interjected, gesturing with an outstretched palm. Leave it to him to think of logistics before romance.

"Yes, _and-"_ Though, Jasper cut me off again.

"The agony she's going to be in the second it's done?"

I flinched. In a weaker voice, " _Yes_ , and-"

"What else is there?" Jasper's brow furrowed.

I heaved a sigh. "And I kind of always thought Carlisle would be there."

"Hmm, yeah. Dads have a way of screwing up the sex vibe. But it's not like he hasn't heard you two before. What does it matter if he's in the next room or next door?"

"I imagine that would matter to Bella a great deal," I frowned.

_Didn't Carlisle tag along on your honeymoon without her knowing?_

I gritted my teeth. "He was 40 miles away in Rio!" I hissed.

_My point is that she didn't know._

"I swore to her I'd never deceive her again. And to scheme up something like that over her transformation, of all times, would be...beyond the pale. I'm not going to lie to her again to give her some false sense of privacy. The last time I did…" I shook my head in regret.

"You're a quick study, Edward. You two are going to do just fine," Jasper nodded approvingly.

Just then we both caught Emmett's scent mingled with that of a moose as he stepped off the elevator.

_Let me in guys, the girls kicked me out._

I walked over to the door and swung it open for Emmett who ambled in a moment later.

"Holy shit, I was going to ask to use your shower, but you two would enjoy that too much," Emmett snickered from the other side of the clear glass shower stall, stroking a hand lasciviously down his barrel chest.

Jasper wretched. "I don't know what's worse, the idea of that or the _stench_ of you. What did you do? _Ride_ the poor beast?"

Emmett's eyes glinted mischievously. "Tell me you've never wanted to try, cowboy!"

Jasper just shook his head, astounded.

Taking note of the time, I decided it was best to regroup. "Emmett, go clean up in your own room. Jasper, why don't you and I go reclaim our wives? I need to make sure Bella gets some dinner in her before you hooligans start pouring shots down her throat. Then we'll all meet up at the bar afterward?"

"I bet _that_ felt weird coming out of your mouth," Jasper chuckled.

" _So_ weird _,"_ I emphatically agreed

_Sending Bella up to your room. You can send Jazz down._

"Nevermind. It would seem you're being summoned and I am to wait here for Bella," I relayed.

"Come on, Em. You can tell me about this moose ride on the elevator ride down," Jasper clapped a hand on Emmett's shoulder and pushed him through the door.

"Later guys," I said behind them but left the door open for Bella.

Moments later, I heard the familiar thump of her heart and felt the flash burn in my throat as Bella stepped off the elevator

"Holy crow, what is that god-awful smell?" Bella covered the bottom half of her face with her hand as she strode in through the door.

I heard the laughter of my siblings from one floor below, and Emmett's loud guffaw echoing up the elevator shaft.

"It _must_ be bad if even you can smell it," I said with amusement, opening a window. "That would be _Eau de moose_. Emmett stopped by for a minute."

"You never smell like that when you come home from a hunting trip. What did he do? Take it for a ride?"

More laughter filled my ears at Bella's spot-on commentary, some of which was my own.

"You're more right than you know," I smiled, pulling her into my arms. I held her at arm's length to get a good look at her and let out an appreciative grunt of approval.

She wore a fitted blue sweater, in my favorite shade, that had a crescent-shaped cutout exposing the pale, fragrant skin of her decolletage. The tight, long fit perfectly accentuated the slim, feminine curves of her figure as it hugged her hips.

As my eyes raked down her body, I smiled appreciatively at the darker blue of the tight denim jeans that left _just_ enough to the imagination. And on her feet, she wore ballerina flats-very sensible for the night ahead.

" _Wow_ ," I breathed. "You are a sight for sore eyes, Mrs. Cullen. I'm not going to be able to take my eyes off you all night if you're going to look so devastatingly tempting."

Folding my arms around her and resting my hands on the gentle swell just above her backside, I pulled her in for a kiss which quickly turned into several.

"I kind of hoped you wouldn't," she whispered with her eyes closed, forehead pressed to mine, in between kisses.

Resting my chin on top of her head, I sighed contentedly into the strawberry-scented locks of her softly curled hair. "What would you like for dinner? You should eat something before we go out," I reminded her.

"Room service," she growled into the skin of my throat, then pressed a line of open-mouthed kisses along the underside of my jaw.

She was making me absolutely insane, in the best way, but if she kept that up, the only person getting drunk tonight would be me off of _her._

Bella pouted when I reluctantly pulled away from her. I reached for the black leather binder on the table that held the room service menu and pressed it into her hands.

"Find something to eat, and then you can open your gift from me," I grinned, eyes gleaming with excitement and just a bit of nerves. This seemed like the best opportunity I was going to get if I wanted her to be clear-headed when she received it.

As I retrieved the gift box from a hidden compartment in our suitcase, I heard Bella on the hotel room phone ordering herself the coq-au-vin and an order of creme brulee for dessert.

I smiled, pleased that she would get to experience some of the best French cuisine Montreal had to offer even if we never made it to France before she was turned.

When I turned back to her, she had kicked off her shoes and was sitting on the bed with her back propped up against the headboard.

"These rooms are really something, aren't they?" Bella said, looking around at the rich, red velvet surfaces of the drapes, the antique furniture, the blood-red bedspread, and of course, the very unique shower.

"I was reading in the brochure that this used to be a brothel back around the time the furniture was in style. I don't think much has changed since then," I mused, patting the glass wall of the shower stall with the barest of pressure but still producing the soft clink of stone on glass.

"I'm not sure if I should be offended or...?" Bella joked, but her laugh sounded nervous as she eyed the box in my hand.

My eyes widened, horrified that she should think I'd ever compare her to a prostitute.

"Edward, relax, it was a _joke._ Whatcha got there?" She nodded to the white gift box in my hand.

"It's...I...well, here...see for yourself," I stuttered in an attack of nerves, and sat down next to her on the bed and set it down in front of her.

***BPOV***

Seeing Edward so nervous was starting to make _me_ nervous.

I took the topaz-colored ribbon between two fingers and pulled the wide bow from the center knot. Freeing the box from the ribbon, I carefully pulled the top off of the box.

Inside the box laid a beautiful leather-bound journal. The cover was a soft, aged, red-brown leather embossed with a framework of elegant swirls that broadened near the corners. And there was an inscription:

_If_

A STORY IS

IN YOU

_It has to come out._

_-William Faulkner_

"You've mentioned that there are things that you don't want to forget, so I thought that you could use a journal to write them down. And I hope you don't mind, but I filled out some of the pages myself. Of the things that _I_ remember that I hope you never forget."

I picked up the journal and flipped through the heavy linen-textured pages until I found the ones he'd filled out, a large section in the middle.

In his unmistakable calligraphy, at the top of the page were the words: _The day I first laid eyes on Isabella Swan..._

For each page was a different anecdote that he wrote about in exquisite detail. And with each anecdote, he'd drawn a flawless sketch from memory.

Me in the cafeteria. After he'd saved me from Tyler's van. When he'd taken me to dinner in Port Angeles. Asleep in my bed. In the meadow. On the baseball field. In the hospital in Phoenix..and so forth. The most recent of which was just days ago, laying on a blanket in our grove.

" _Edward,"_ I breathed, snapping the journal shut for fear my tears would ruin the pages. I took his hands instead.

"When did you..? _How_ did you…?" I struggled for words. "It's _perfect_ , the most perfect thing you could have given me! And to be honest, I wasn't sure how you were going to top Jasper," I said with a short laugh. " _Thank you._ I love it."

"I'm so glad." The look of extreme relief on his face seemed to prove it. "Happy Birthday, Bella. I've loved every minute I've ever spent with you, and there's your proof!" Edward tapped the leather cover with a light thwap. "I hope we fill it up with a thousand years of more happy memories."

Placing a hand on his cheek, I kissed him lightly at first, and then deeper. I opened my mouth to him and he moaned into my kiss, wrapping his arms around me pulling me close. It wasn't close enough. I placed my hands on his shoulders and shoved.

He didn't actually budge, of course, but understanding my intentions he fell backward onto the mattress anyway with me on top of him. "I think we're going to need a longer journal," I teased.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Room service," said a muffled male voice in the hallway.

Edward gently separated himself from me and leapt easily to his feet, straightening his clothes as walked gracefully to the door.

A uniformed hotel employee wheeled in a trolley carrying two shiny silver cloches over to the table. He removed the cloches and set my entree and dessert on the table, asked if there was anything else we needed, and promptly left after Edward discreetly tipped him.

When we were alone again, I looked longingly between him and the food, torn. I hadn't nearly gotten my fill of him when we were interrupted by my dinner, but I was also famished.

" _Eat_ , Bella. Unlike your dinner, you don't have to worry about me going cold," Edward smirked.

As I started to cut into the absolutely scrumptious morsels of chicken, I remembered something I wanted to bring up to Edward _before_ the drinking started.

"So about tonight," I prefaced, "I want to make sure that something is understood," my voice took on the somewhat formal tone that I adopted when I was trying to negotiate something.

Sitting across from me, Edward pulled up a chair at the table and extended an open palm in invitation. "Please, continue."

I pointed a finger at him and spoke sternly. "When we come back here later tonight, unless I'm vomiting or unconscious, I don't want to hear any nonsense about you not taking advantage of me when I've been drinking, understand?

"I'm saying it now, stone-sober. It is my birthday. I'm a consenting adult, and I _demand_ to have some drunken sex with my smokin' hot husband. Capeesh?"

Edward looked amused. "Yes, ma'am."

"Ok, that's all I wanted to say. Wow, this is _really_ good!" I exclaimed, marveling over the depth of flavor in the wine sauce.

The Barfly was a neighborhood watering hole within walking distance of our hotel. The bouncer checked my ID and said what sounded like "Happy Birthday," in French before waving me through.

I watched curiously as the bouncer took Edward's ID and looked at him warily, but then Edward said something in perfect French and the man let him through.

"What did you say to him?" I asked in a whisper.

"I asked him if anybody had ever told him that he looks like Saku Koivu, his favorite hockey player on the Montreal Canadiens."

"Does he?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"I haven't the slightest idea," Edward grinned, as he ushered me over to where the others were saving a spot for us at the corner of the bar.

Rose, Emmett, and Jasper occupied the short side of the bar, and Alice sat perpendicular to Jasper where the two sides met.

I hopped up on the tall stool next to Alice, and Edward took his place next to me.

It was exactly the kind of place I'd envisioned. Behind the bar, hung dozens of polaroid pictures of bar patrons. There was a jukebox, a pool table, a few arcade machines, sports memorabilia, and signed celebrity photos on the walls, though they mostly looked like hockey players.

In the corner, there was a small raised stage where a DJ was setting up for Wednesday night karaoke that started within the hour.

The lone bartender, a man in his 30s, wore a Rush t-shirt and a horseshoe mustache. He looked up toward our end of the bar and looked thoroughly startled. If the polaroid photos on the wall were any indication, the Cullens didn't look anything like his usual clientele.

He must've assumed we were American, because with a slight French accent the bartender asked, "Welcome. What are we having tonight?"

Five pairs of golden eyes looked expectantly at me.

"To start, a round of tequila shots, please," I asked with a wide smile.

"You were serious about that?" Emmett groaned.

"As a _heart attack_ ," I glowered at him. I still owed Emmett for the defibrillator gag.

The bartender lined up six shot glasses and dispensed the golden-brown liquor into each one and served them up with wedges of lime.

Edward picked up his glass and held it up a few inches to give a toast.

"To Bella on her birthday. Here's hoping that you live forever, and mine is the last voice you hear." The rest of them grumbled 'cheers,' though I'm pretty sure I heard Emmett mutter "puke," under his breath.

"I'll definitely drink to that," I beamed and clinked glasses with them before finally throwing back the burning alcohol. I grimaced at the acrid taste and reached frantically for the lime which didn't do nearly enough to remove the taste from my mouth.

With a disgusted face, I asked, "People drink that stuff _on purpose_? _Why?_ "

The bartender laughed. "First time, eh? Have another one, and you'll find out. Tequila will make your clothes fall off."

Edward scowled. "I think your clothes look great right where they are. _For now_ ," he growled that last part softly into my ear. I giggled in anticipation.

"For my next drink, I'll try a Cosmopolitan. And a glass of water, please," remembering what Carlisle had said about hydrating.

"And for the rest of you?"

"A round of Moosehead, please. In the bottles," Edward asked smoothly.

The bartender nodded, appearing relieved Edward didn't ask for anything more complicated. He ambled to the beer fridge at the far side of the long bar.

"Excellent choice, brother. Love me some of that Moosehead," Emmett cackled, raising his bottle to his lips and pretending to have a sip.

He even made that satisfied "ahhhh" sound that Charlie made when he cracked open his first beer on game day.

"Thought you'd enjoy that," Edward's mouth twisted into a sly smile.

The bartender poured several ingredients into a cocktail shaker and gave it a vigorous shake before pouring the contents into a martini glass, garnishing it with a twist of orange, and sliding it in front of me, along with a pint glass of ice water.

I took a tentative sip of the pink drink, and my eyes lit up. "That is _delicious_."

***EPOV***

The bartender, Adrián, smiled innocuously at Bella as she complimented the cocktail he'd just crafted.

_As much as I hate making the fucking things, you have to appreciate the value of a drink that has been getting men laid since women started drinking them,_ he thought in his native French.

"Bella?" I asked, starting to get annoyed by our new friend, Adrián. She turned to me, eyebrows raised, sipping her drink through a tiny cocktail straw. "Still up for that round of pool?"

"Absolutely! It's why I wore flats," her cheeks had a warm glow, either from excitement or the alcohol she'd already consumed.

Bella stood up and took a long gulp of her water before leaving it on the bar and taking her martini glass with her. She then glanced back at Alice like she was going to say something, but then shook her head and pursed her lips.

It was the very sort of moment that drove me mad with curiosity. _What had she been about to say?_

Bella saw me struggling and put me out of misery. "I was just thinking that it would probably be silly to ask Alice to watch my glass." She shrugged. "Cop's daughter."

" _Not_ silly," my eyes flashed back to the barkeep who was busy drying a rack of pint glasses. I smiled and took her hand, guiding her toward the well-loved, green-felted billiards table.

"Who wants to bet me that she whacks a ball off the table? Loser drinks the winner's beer," Emmett proposed.

"I'll take that bet!" Jasper agreed, appearing to nurse his beer.

"Rose, go clean up that tequila you threw over your shoulder before Bella slips on it and loses a finger on a broken martini glass!" Alice hissed, too quietly for Bella to hear. She hadn't actually _seen_ that happen, but with Bella, who could deny the possibility?

Rose reached behind the bar and grabbed an unattended bar rag between two disgusted fingers, and dropped it unceremoniously on the spill behind her.

I racked up the balls and handed Bella a freshly chalked cue stick.

"Do you want to break?" I asked courteously.

"Break what?" She asked from behind her half-empty cocktail glass.

I smiled widely at her and pried her glass gently from her fingers, setting it on a table a few feet away. She pouted a little, and I just grinned, "Pace yourself, love. The night is young." And then I took her hand and pulled her to the end of the billiards table.

I held up the white cue ball. "Hit this ball into those balls, and the first ball you knock into a pocket is your designated group, either stripes or solids. It's easy. I'll show you," I offered with an encouraging smile.

I dropped the cue ball slightly left of center behind the head string.

"Back up a little, now bend forward and spread your legs." I placed my hand on her back and nudged her forward a little. She looked over her shoulder at me with a scandalized expression.

"What?" I held up my hands innocently. "It's how you play," I chuckled. "I don't know how to make that not sound dirty."

"I wish you wouldn't try," Bella said from beneath her thick, dark lashes.

Emmett hooted loudly at Bella's boldness. "Get it, girl!" Alice called from the bar, throwing a balled-up paper coaster at Emmett.

"That's it. Now, you're right-handed so use this hand to hold the cue...the stick," I explained as her brow furrowed. "Now use the other hand to aim. Like this," I demonstrated, placing three fingers on the table to steady my hand, and using my thumb and forefinger to loop around my own pool cue.

She mirrored my stance.

"Perfect." Standing close behind her, I wrapped my arm around her waist and placed my hand behind hers on the butt of the pool cue. I anchored my other hand outside of hers on the top rail.

"Now line up your shot and hit that ball right through the middle. You want to aim for that yellow one right in front."

I took a few practice strokes with her, so she could feel the motion of the pool cue sliding smoothly between her fingers. Turning my head so that my lips were right at her ear, I purred, "Have I told you how stunning you look tonight, Mrs. Cullen?" I discreetly pressed my hips into the alluring curve of her backside.

Bella chose that moment to take her first shot and, missing her mark, she launched the cue ball into the air, over the bumper, and onto the floor.

" _Shit,"_ muttered Jasper as Emmett hollered victoriously and slid his bottle in front of him with a smug grin.

"Double or nothing. She sinks the eight ball in her first three turns," Jasper countered. Emmett glanced over at Bella and didn't think she'd sink _any_ balls, so he accepted with a nod.

"That's okay! Try again," I encouraged, resetting the cue ball. This time, I gave her some space. She pulled her elbow back and with a hard thwack, sent the cue ball careening into the neatly racked colored balls.

With a loud clack, the balls scattered and Bella whooped excitedly as she sank the yellow solid ball into the side pocket.

"Well done! You're solids. You scored so you get to go again. Position yourself over by the cue ball, the white one," I clarified, "and see if you can find what shot looks easiest to make."

Bella walked around the table and considered the angles. Setting up her shot, she then easily sunk the red three ball into the corner pocket.

She celebrated again, pumping a fist in the air, "Must be beginner's luck," Bella shrugged self-deprecatingly. "Is it your turn now?" she asked, pausing to take another sip of her Cosmo.

I shook my head, smiling "You shoot until you miss," I explained. She nodded and lined up her next shot.

For her third shot, she walked around the table and bent over the top rail a few feet in front of me. I cocked my head to the side, admiring the view.

Bella looked over her shoulder at me and huffed, "Do you mind?" She raised an eyebrow at me in reproach.

This made the girls laugh as I held my hands up in apology and moved out of her way.

With an adorable little wiggle of her hips, she lined up her shot and gave a hard glance in the direction of my brothers. She tapped the cue ball sending it spinning off to the right where it handily bumped the eight ball into the corner pocket.

With her cue stick, Bella pointed at Emmett across the bar and shouted, "Bottoms up, Em!" to the howling laughter of the rest of us.

Jasper slid both his bottle and Emmett's back in front of Emmett, who grimaced before chugging back the first bottle, then the second.

"I think you just got hustled, babe," Rosalie raised her beer appreciatively in Bella's direction and pretended to drink.

"Bella! That was _not_ beginner's luck. Where did you learn to play like that?" I looked at Bella with an awestruck expression.

"Phil taught me back in Phoenix. It's sort of how we bonded. You're not the only one with secret talents, you know," Bella winked and threw back the last swig of her cocktail.

"Another game? For real this time, Miss Pool Shark?"

Bella chalked her cue stick. "It's _Mrs._ Pool Shark, actually," she grinned, making me groan with desire. "And sure! But I'm going to need another drink."

"This one's on me," Rosalie called. _Bella got him so good_ , she shook her head with reluctant admiration. "Another cosmo, Bella?" Rose asked, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the music and other noise of the bar.

"Make it a Sex on the Beach!" Bella called back with her hand cupped around her mouth.

This drew an amused raised eyebrow from me, plus a few stares from some of the other mostly male bar patrons.

Seeming to realize the attention she'd drawn to herself, Bella blushed and cringed, and set about racking up the balls.

"Do you want to break this time?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Ladies first," I gestured with an open palm. If I broke first, I would win, and I at least wanted to give her a sporting chance.

She broke, this time sinking a striped ball. She proceeded to make the next four shots, leaving just two of her striped balls left on the table, but on the fifth try, she missed.

"Impressive!" I said sincerely. Taking my turn, I cleared the rest of the balls, sinking the eight ball last.

Bella cursed under her breath at having lost, more competitive than I gave her credit for. I dropped my cue stick on the table and wrapped my arms around her.

"That was _amazing_ , Bella. When your hands are just a little steadier you'll beat me next time for sure," I said with confidence.

"No, I won't," she sighed, but she didn't sound unhappy. "I doubt my hands will _ever_ be steady around _you_ ," she tipped her head back for a kiss which I happily obliged.

By this time, Alice and Rose were walking towards us with Bella's new drink in hand.

Bella looked over toward the bar, seeming to realize we were missing my brothers.

"Where'd Emmett and Jasper, go?" Bella said, taking her drink from Rose with a nod of thanks.

"Puking in the back parking lot," Alice informed with a smirk. "Jasper's holding his hair."

The girls had a good long laugh over that one. I stood back, just happy to watch Bella finally acting like she belonged.

"That was brilliant, Bella! I bet it'll be a while before he bets against you again!" Alice said proudly. Rosalie nodded in agreement.

"Would joo hold thisss? I need to use the little human's room," Bella said, offering me her glass with a slight tremor.

Alice gave me a knowing look and said "We'll go with you, Bella." Alice looped an arm through Bella's and they walked as a group to the ladies' room.

It was then that I was suddenly very glad that my siblings invited themselves along on this trip because I hadn't considered how I would have handled bathroom breaks. I would have been loath to send her stumbling into the ladies' room alone.

Emmett and Jasper returned before the ladies had come back from the bathroom. I joined them back in our seats at the bar.

Emmett was still moping over his misfortune when he caught me grinning at him like a fool.

"This is horseshit! You're all a bunch of gifted cheaters," Emmett griped.

Jasper chuckled and nudged Emmett's enormous bicep with an elbow. "You big baby, nobody cheated. She sure got you good, though, didn't she?" Jasper needled, dissolving into another fit of laughter. I couldn't help but laugh too and held up a fist for Jazz to bump.

"There we are, Bella. Why don't you just sit down there next to Edward and have some more water?" Alice said in a gentle voice, helping Bella into her seat.

"How are you doing, love?" I asked, taking in her appearance. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes looked a little glassy, but other than that, Bella didn't look any worse for wear.

"Peachy keen, jelly bean!" Her smile was huge. "Hey, you know what?" she asked, sucking water through the straw in her glass.

"What?" I asked pleasantly.

"You owe me a story!" Bella tapped a finger to the end of my nose.

"I suppose I do," I agreed. "My father, Edward Masen, Senior, was a successful law attorney before he fell ill. He traveled a lot, so I didn't see him much growing up. I was much closer to my mother, you see.

"Anyway, on my sixteenth birthday, my father took me to a White Sox game and then afterward to a famous bar in Chicago. It was called The Pump at the time. He bought me a whiskey and told me that I was a man, that it was my job to look after the house and my mother when he was away.

I grinned at the memory. "That whiskey tasted like poison, but I didn't care. I never felt like such a man. When I finished it, my father bought me another one and said, 'Play them a tune, Eddie-boy,' and pushed me toward the old upright piano.

"I played 'The Entertainer,' by Scott Joplin- probably _horribly_ -with how far gone I already was," I laughed, "but nobody seemed to care.

"One of the barmaids sat down next to me at the piano and kissed my cheek," I said, touching my face as if I could still feel it. "My father had to leave again that night, so he brought me home and kissed my mother goodbye. And as soon as he left, I was violently ill and made my mother promise that she'd never tell my father that I couldn't hold my whiskey," I laughed in earnest now.

Bella had that starry-eyed look that she got whenever I shared something from my past.

"That's got to be the sweetest 'first drink' story I've ever heard. I don't think you've ever told me a story from...before Carlisle with so much detail."

I nodded in agreement. "It's the happiest memory of my father that I have so it's the easiest to remember, I suppose," I said with a wistful shrug.

"Write it all down. Then you'll never have to worry about what you might've forgotten." I leaned over and kissed her on the temple and returned her drink to her now that she seemed in better control of herself.

I turned my head in the direction of the stage where the DJ was sound testing the microphones.

"I think karaoke is about to get going. Shall I write your name down on the list?" I teased. Bella glowered at me.

"Only if you want to bunk with Alice and Jasper, tonight!" She threatened.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're so cute when you bluff." I tapped her on the nose and then laughed harder as her face turned impossibly red with her outrage. She looked so much like Charlie.

I was almost tempted to take her picture, à la Emmett, but worried if I did that she might actually make good on her threat. After all, what kind of husband would I be to deny my wife some good old-fashioned drunken birthday sex? 'Happy wife, happy life,' and all…

"Suit yourself," I said pleasantly. "I think Alice and Rosalie are signing up, though."

Bella leaned back on her barstool to better see the stage, and sure enough, my sisters were up there, flipping through the songbooks.

"Good for them," she sniffed and took a long gulp of her drink. I noticed Bella wiggling around in her seat a little and then she huffed impatiently. "What is going on? I _just_ peed like 10 minutes ago. This is ridiculous."

"It's the alcohol, I'm afraid. Do you want me to get Alice? I'm sure she won't mind." But just as I was saying that Alice and Rosalie started singing the opening lyrics to Wilson Phillips "Hold on For One More Day."

"I'm perfectly culpable of taking myself to the toilet," she hiccuped and hopped off the barstool.

I stood up to escort her to the bathroom but stopped in my tracks when she glared at me and pointed at the seat I'd just vacated.

I chuckled. "As you wish," I reluctantly returned to my seat as she headed for the facilities. "You're a little bossy when you've been drinking, you know that?" I called teasingly to her retreating back.

Bella didn't even turn around. "You love it!" she called back and pushed through the swinging door of the bathroom with bravado. She wasn't wrong.

"Guys," I turned to Emmett and Jasper who were watching their women up on stage, "How much do you love me?"

***BPOV***

_Whoa._ I watched my vision blur around the edges as I looked at myself in the mirror. I washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face.

I had to admit, I liked the uninhibitedness that came with drinking, but I didn't so much like the loss of control. I needed to cool it. Keep it classy, like a Cullen. I was _not_ trying to be a sloppy drunk.

I took a few centering breaths and hurried back to Edward so that I could catch the last part of Alice and Rosalie's song.

They were better than the original, of course, with Alice's tinkling soprano and Rosalie's husky alto, their flawless harmonies brought the house down. I hooted and hollered with the loudest of them, but no one was louder than Emmett.

Rose bowed, and Alice did a little curtsy and they glided gracefully off the stage. I dutifully fangirled all over them when they returned to their seats.

"Next up, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, get on up here. Aren't they handsome, ladies? Good tippers, too. Take it away, gents," The DJ handed them each a microphone and returned to his booth to hit some buttons on his laptop.

Alice pulled out her camera and started recording. "You're going to want to see this again when you're sober," Alice cackled.

All three of them sat on barstools evenly spaced across the stage, with Edward sitting in the middle. Then the strikingly familiar opening chords to *NSync's "(God Must Have Spent) a Little More Time on You" began to play over the speakers.

Eyes the size of dinner plates, I threw my hands over my mouth and gasped. Edward's piercing eyes locked on mine and his angelic voice filled the room, and everything else fell away.

_Can this be true_

_Tell me, can this be real?_

_How can I put into words what I feel?_

_My life was complete_

_I thought I was whole_

_Why do I feel like I'm losing control?_

_I never thought that love could feel like this_

_And you've changed my world with just one kiss_

_How can it be that right here with me_

_There's an angel?_

_It's a miracle._

Edward gestured to me when he sang that last part, and then Emmett and Jasper joined in for the chorus as they swayed and harmonized like an honest-to-god boyband.

I couldn't tear my eyes off him as he sang to me, but some part of me registered Rosalie whispering to Alice, "What would you have said if five years ago someone told you that Edward, _our_ Edward, would be singing his heart out to his _wife_ in a _dive bar?"_

Alice sighed, elated. She sounded a little choked up as she replied "I would've said… 'I must be back in the psychiatric ward.'"

Emmett got his own solo, too, in which he walked off the stage, mic in hand, and knelt down in front of Rosalie and belted out his part.

Jasper seemed content to sing backup, but if the lovey-dovey vibes Alice was giving off were any indication, I'd say Jasper was singing straight to Alice in his own special way.

When the final chords rang out, the guys took their bows to thundering applause. But maybe it was just my own? I ran headlong for Edward and threw myself into his open arms, kissing him with all my might right there on the stage to the delighted hoots and hollers of the crowd.

I guess I hadn't noticed how many people had filtered into the bar since we arrived. Oh well.

As Edward carried me off the stage, I pressed my lips to his ear, "I'm ready to go now."

"Yes, _ma'am,_ " was his emphatic response.

Ignoring my giggles of protestation, Edward didn't bother to put me down for the entire walk back to the hotel. As the others filed out behind us, I thanked Emmett and Jasper over Edward's shoulder for being such great sports and suggested they should probably come up with a band name for when their video went viral.

Getting back to our room, we were kissing before we'd even opened the door. To be honest, we were kissing as soon as we were alone in the elevator. Edward somehow navigated the hallway while I was attached to his face, and then after cursing at the uncooperative key card, we were finally alone and in private.

Edward set me down on the bed and sat down beside me, moving his lips to my throat.

"What now, Mrs. Cullen? Smokin' hot husband at your service," he growled. I tangled my fingers in the bronze of his hair.

"I feel like I should be at _your_ service," I inhaled sharply, as he found an extra sensitive spot. "Today was... _unbelievable!_ Every time I thought it couldn't get any more perfect, you just kept raising the bar. So what can I do for _you?_ To show you my unending gratitude and admiration?"

Edward pulled back a bit and appraised me. "Every bit of today was my absolute pleasure, love. Except for maybe the tequila," he wrinkled his nose, then smiled. "But now that you mention it, there is one thing you could do that would drive me absolutely wild."

"Tell me!" I demanded. Edward asked for so little for himself, and I wanted so badly to please him.

"Well, it's kind of silly but, do you remember that time, before we were married, when you were angry with me for leaving you unsatisfied? And you went and took a shower to 'cool off?" Edward looked past me at the peekaboo shower and then back to me with suggestively raised eyebrows.

"If it wouldn't be too weird, I was hoping maybe you could reenact that for me? Because I'd never forgive myself if we didn't get to take advantage of that _truly_ bizarre shower," he said with my favorite crooked smile.

My eyes widened in understanding. "Sure, but aren't you forgetting about the part where you got me all hot and bothered, first?" I teased.

Edward grinned, pretending to crack his knuckles. "Let's see if I can remember how to stop at second base. It's been a while," he chuckled.

" _Second_ base? Well now you're being generous," I teased some more.

Edward's eyes narrowed and he growled. "I don't know about hot, but prepare to be bothered," he said, hooking his hands under my arms and throwing me backward a few feet to the center of the bed.

And then he was there, all around me. His mouth, his hands, his smoldering eyes. I gasped wildly as he peeled my sweater over my head. Edward's hands grazed icily over my ribs until his thumbs teased just under the underwire of my bra but didn't venture any further.

Edward's mouth descended on my chest, placing a line of soft kisses along my clavicle, humming contentedly into the hollow of my throat.

Then a wintry finger slowly slid one of the straps of my bra down over my shoulder, and lightly using his tongue he traced the path of the missing strap from the top of my shoulder down to the swell of my breast before carefully returning the bra strap to its original position on my shoulder and repeating the very same treatment to the other side.

I moaned and squirmed at this exquisite torture, needing more of him. When I tried to claw at his shirt, he chuckled darkly and tsked in reproach, gathering my wrists in one hand and gently restraining them above my head.

Edward looked down at me, eyes blackened with desire. I could imagine what he saw. My arms were stretched above my head, my back was arched, breasts jutted out straining for his touch. My chest was heaving with my loud, ragged breathing.

"Oh, my Bella," his voice was something in between a breath and a moan. "Do you have any idea what you do to me with this body?" Edward cupped a hand over my cheek and slid it silkenly down my throat, between my breasts, over my stomach until it rested just under the waistband of my jeans.

How _impossible_ it is to refuse you when you look at me with those sultry brown eyes? Pout at me with those irresistible lips? And when I can smell how much you want me, too? He lowered his face to my body, drawing a line with his nose from my belly button to my sternum, inhaling deeply all the way up.

Edward planted a soft kiss on the exposed skin between the cups of my bra. Releasing my hands, his hands receded to the waistband of my tight, stretchy jeans.

Hooking his thumbs inside the elastic near my hip bones, he inched them down over my hips, sliding his cool, wide-splayed hands over the bare skin of my hips and outer thighs as he slid them lower, and then all the way off.

My entire body stippled with goosebumps, from his touch and my own arousal. Edward then lowered himself between my legs as I clung tightly to the sheets. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears and feel it throbbing between my legs as his mouth drew nearer to my apex, taking his bloody sweet time about it.

When Edward finally kissed the thin, dampened cotton of my panties right over my heated core, I was whimpering, and then I heard my own voice begging. "Please, Edward, _please._ "

And then he was gone, suddenly laying next to me on the bed, with his hands folded behind his head, a beatific smile on his face.

"Sufficiently bothered, Mrs. Cullen?" His smirk was positively sinful. The old feelings of frustration resurfaced, acute to the point of pain, as I remembered all those times he sighed and pushed me away.

I could only imagine the restraint it took him to refuse me time and time again, restraint I didn't possess. But one day soon I was going to make him know just what it felt like to be left wanting. But not tonight. It was still my birthday after all.

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I marched haughtily over to the shower, stripping off the rest of my undergarments as I walked. Stepping into the shower, I twisted blindly at the knobs.

I didn't even care that the water was frigid when I stepped under the spray of the rainfall showerhead. Reminding my nerve endings of his touch, the cold only intensified the throbbing between my legs.

Besides, if the shower steamed up _too_ fast, Edward wouldn't get much of a show. I turned around slowly so that I was facing the glass that I could feel his eyes burning a hole through. Partly out of coyness, and partly due to nerves, I kept my eyes averted.

My nipples were almost painfully hard from the cool water as I dragged my fingernails across them. Cupping my breasts, I squeezed them together before letting my hands trail further down my body.

The water was starting to heat up now, but I didn't notice it much because my blood was already bubbling under my skin at the vulnerable and incredibly erotic feeling of letting Edward watch me this way.

Feeling my slick folds underneath my fingertips, I threw my head back, letting the warm water cascade off of the top of my head, making my long hair hang wet and heavy behind me with the extra weight of the water.

I was already so wound up from Edward's prior teasing that it didn't take very long at all to feel the tightening in my stomach as I rubbed myself closer to climax.

My eyes had been closed, concentrating on nothing but the sensations of the water, my fingers, and the weight of his eyes when I felt a stone-cold hand, pry my fingers away from my aching need and replace them with his mouth.

I gasped at the feeling of weightlessness when the cold tile disappeared from under my feet.

It happened so fast I barely registered the movement. He swept his hands behind my knees and hooked them over his shoulders, so that I was sitting on his shoulders but _from the front._

The contrast of the hot water streaming down my back and over my breasts while his icy-cold lips and tongue sucked and lapped relentlessly between my legs coaxed out some truly embarrassing noises to echo off the steamy glass walls, but I couldn't find it within me to care.

"Oh, Edward, _yesss,_ " I hissed as he licked me right over the edge of an earth-shattering orgasm. Unable to hold myself upright any longer, I felt his hands support me from behind as I wilted backward from the exertion, satisfied and exhausted.

Edward pulled me carefully from his shoulders and cradled me in his arms as he turned off the water and exited the shower, tenderly drying me off with a plush towel before depositing me back into bed.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to do that the _first_ time you rage-showered on me," he chuckled, quickly running a towel over himself before joining me under the covers.

"You were right not to. That would've woken up Charlie _for sure_ ," I giggled breathlessly.

Rolling on my side to face him, I propped one hand under my head and used the other to trail it lightly over his chest, making him shudder. "I want to hear another story," I decided, as my fingers crept lower down his abdomen, dipping under the covers.

"Which one do you want to hear?" he rasped as my fingernails scratched lightly through the thin treasure trail of bronze hair beneath his navel.

"I want to hear about the first time you touched yourself while thinking about me," I whispered huskily.

His laugh was a bit nervous sounding, or maybe embarrassed.

"It was before our first date, before you knew that I spent every night in your room. You were sleeping, of course, and must've been dreaming about me, because you said my name. Moaned it, actually," a knowing smile started to form across his face.

"And then, as you slept, I saw the outline of your hand under the blanket find its way between your legs. I was so torn. I desperately wanted to watch you dream of me doing the kinds of things I'd never imagined we'd ever get to actually do. But I was already invading your privacy enough without spying on you doing _that._ And I'm nothing if not a gentleman, so I left before any more of your moans could convince me to stay."

Edward's laugh was rueful then, "And then I went home and had my own rage shower."

I heard his breath hitch as my fingers wrapped around the thick base of his arousal.

"Did you moan my name, too, when you did this?" I said, gliding my fist up and down his length.

"Uh-huh," his voice was between a moan and a whine.

"Good," I whispered, and then ducked under the covers. Edward folded back the quilt so he could see my face as my mouth descended on him, rising and falling in a practiced rhythm over the glassy smooth skin of his cock.

In no time at all, Edward was mewling under my touch. Wrapping my hands around his thick girth, I used the pads of my thumbs to stroke the sensitive underside while my lips and tongue, sucking and swirling, coaxed all _kinds_ of sexy sounds out of his perfect mouth.

" _Fuck_ , Bella, I need to be inside you. _Please,_ " he pleaded.

I smiled and kissed the tip one last time. "How?" I asked in a breathy whisper.

"On your back," he rasped. "I need to see your face when I make you come again."

I crawled off of him and laid on my back by his side, legs spread in invitation. In a flash of movement, Edward reached for a condom from the bedside table, and then he was there, between my legs. His eyes flitted shut as I wrapped my legs around his waist and the cool hardness of him found home.

We both groaned as he filled me. Though this position was apparently not close enough for Edward, who scooped me up so that I was now upright, pressed tightly against his chest and straddling his lap as he curled his body into mine over and over again.

Edward slipped a hand between our bodies and started circling my throbbing nerve center as he drilled into me with gentle, but impossibly deep strokes.

My voice quaked with the force of his thrusts as I cried out in ecstasy, coming for the second time.

When my eyes opened, the blazing ochre of his eyes were just inches away, watching intently, hooded with his own desire.

Knowing he would be at the end of his control soon, I reached behind me and tugged at the wrist that rested on my back.

His eyes widened and he instantly dropped his arms, afraid he'd hurt me I guessed, but I just shook my head and smiled.

This time it was me holding _his_ arms at his sides while I rode him right to the edge. And when I leaned slightly forward and bit him at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, he groaned loudly, sheathing himself inside me all the way up to the hilt. I could feel every one of his muscles tense and tremble as he climaxed, making a hair-raising sound in the back of his throat that sounded like he swallowed a roar.

And then his body sagged, spent. He rested his forehead on my shoulder as his breathing returned to a normal rate. He laughed then, not a funny laugh, but one sounding of elation, exhaustion, and relief.

I carefully climbed off his lap and laid down next to him, curled up in his arms.

"So how does drunken birthday sex compare with all the other kinds of sex?" Edward asked curiously.

I let out a satisfied-sounding moan. "The bar was a _blast,_ but mostly because of the company _._ The excessive peeing I could live without. The sex? Holy crow, I can't wait to turn 19 again!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, yesterday: Don't do it, Amanda! There's no way to write about karaoke without this fic turning into a cheese sandwich. But then when I was researching which *NSYNC song to use and that one was just so perfectly Edward, I said screw it and included it anyway. It's cheesy. It's embarrassing, but that's exactly the point because Edward would do literally anything to make Bella smile.
> 
> Also, if it's any interest to anybody, the places that I write about-Hotel Chez Swann, the Barfly..they are all real places in Montreal, and even the peekaboo showers are a real thing, so I think Montreal is going on my list for places to visit when the plague is over.
> 
> So until next time, thank you for visiting Hotel Chez Swann, please come again. 😉😉


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shortie to tide you over til the weekend. The return of Darkward.

***EPOV***

Saturday, September 16, 2006. I'd been dreading this day as much or more as I had been eagerly anticipating Bella's birthday just a few days ago.

Bella had been flying high when we returned from Montreal, thrilled by the adventure. And as much as I wanted to be able to keep her spirits up, I didn't have the faintest idea how to navigate today.

I know we had said we were starting over with a clean slate, and we _had_. But I couldn't pretend that a year ago today hadn't been the second-worst day of my existence, by a narrow margin.

September 16, 2005, only ranked _second-worst_ because it precipitated the actual worst day when Rosalie had told me Bella had killed herself jumping from a cliff...because I'd left her, a year ago today.

I'd had to find out in a _voicemail_ because I'd stopped answering my phone.

_Edward, I tried calling, but you won't pick up. Nobody knew how else to break this to you, so I'm just going to say it. She's gone. Alice saw Bella jump from a cliff. She's on her way to Forks now to see what can be done for her father. I'm...so sorry...I...hope this means that when you're ready, you will rejoin us. Esme really misses you. We all do,_ she'd said somewhat grudgingly.

My skin iced over at the memory, but this cold I actually felt, bone-deep.

No, I couldn't pretend. So what were my choices? Ruin Bella's day, _again,_ moping about what _I_ had done to _her?_

I could leave for the day. Excuse myself on a hunting trip I didn't yet need so that I didn't have to burden her with my mood. But was leaving her on the anniversary of the day that I'd _left_ her the best thing for Bella _?_ I seriously doubted it.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella's groggy voice was immediately concerned. I'd been so preoccupied ruminating on how to proceed that I hadn't noticed she'd woken.

"Good morning, love," I said wrapping my arms around her and kissing her head. I sighed. If it hadn't occurred to her yet what reason I would have to be upset, did I burden her with that knowledge now, or wait until she'd at least had a chance to get up and use the bathroom, I thought with bitter sarcasm.

"Nothing's precisely wrong. Except for the date," I laughed once, humorlessly.

" _Oh,"_ Bella's voice went flat with understanding.

Oh, indeed.

The silence stretched out between us.

I took her warm hands together in mine and kissed them. "Bella, what do you need from me today? Tell me and I'll do it. Unless you tell me to try to forget, because that's the one thing I can't do," I said miserably.

"Well, that's kind of too bad, Edward, because I'm not going to spend one more second thinking about that day, and neither should you. I thought we already discussed this. _It's behind us._ "

"Bella," I said softly, but my voice rose in intensity as I spoke. "That's just it. I _can't._ It's deplorable of me to say this to you, of all people, but that day was traumatic for me, too. I can't pretend like it didn't happen like this is just another Saturday. And leaving you, even just for the day to go be miserable on my own seems wrong, too. So what do I do?" I asked in a pleading tone.

Bella shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. "Have a vampire moment, Edward. Go beat up some trees in the forest. Do whatever you need to do to get it out of your system, and then come back to me."

I took her face between my hands and kissed her fiercely. "I will _always_ come back to you," I vowed, and then I was gone.

Running. Flying. As fast as my feet would carry me.

***BPOV***

I sighed and flopped back down into the pillows. I'd known today would go something like this.

Clean slate or not, there was no forgetting for Edward. I could always tell when his mind went there. His face would go blank, but there was no hiding the tortured expression in his eyes.

The memory of that dark time, whenever it resurfaced, was like Jane living in his head, mentally zapping him to his knees.

It wasn't like I _wasn't_ hurt over it, but not like Edward. To him, leaving me last year was tantamount to pushing me over the cliff with his own two hands. He had believed me to be dead, by his own doing, for twenty-four whole hours. And it had scarred him, scarred him horribly.

And as much as it destroyed me to think of a world without Edward, I couldn't blame him for it either. If I thought for even a moment that Edward had been taken from this world, I would have picked a taller cliff to jump from.

So if Edward needed a dark day, he could have it, but I refused to sit here and pick at old wounds when everything was going so _right._

I hoped that, with time, this would be something that Edward could eventually let go of. Maybe once I was turned and my dying didn't seem like such a real threat to him...but only time would tell.

It was going to be a very long millennium if Edward was going to be all _miserable_ three days after my birthday for the rest of time.

I'd been so relieved when he suggested on Isle Esme that we move on with a clean slate because I thought it would help _him_ move on, as well as help absolve some of the guilt I carried for my transgressions with Jacob.

But the clean slate agreement seemed to act more like a gag preventing him from speaking his truth on the matter because as I was always reiterating, it was behind us, no more apologies needed. But maybe that wasn't the way to get past this. Maybe he _needed_ to talk this to death.

Feeling my bladder start to protest, I finally trudged to the bathroom and got myself ready for the whole _nothing_ I had to do that day.

Once I was showered and decent, as was my routine, I walked up the short path to the main house at the usual time for breakfast. I didn't have any expectation that Edward would be there, but I couldn't help hoping.

He wasn't. I pulled up my usual seat at the kitchen island and was immediately greeted by Esme who was serving me up a plate of french toast and bacon.

It never really got any less weird for me to let Esme dote on me like this. I even had some guilt about it, like I was taking advantage of her kindness in some way.

But when Edward had explained what it meant to her to nurture me with food like any mother would do for her child when Esme had been robbed of the opportunity to get to do that for her own child, it made it a little easier to suck it up and just say 'thank you.'

Esme looked uncomprehendingly at the empty chair next to me.

"Edward is...taking some time to himself today," I said, biting my lip.

Esme's brow knit together in concern. "Well, _that_ doesn't sound like Edward _._ "

"It's..um...the anniversary of the day you all left," I said uncomfortably, "and he's having a hard time."

" _He's_ having a hard time? Well, that's rich," Alice snorted, unimpressed, as she pulled up the seat next to me.

"Be nice, Alice. Nobody hates himself more for what happened than he does. He felt like a jerk leaving me today, but I told him to go take some time and get the moping out of his system because I just don't want to think about it anymore. It's water under the bridge, and we're happy _now,_ so why wallow?... But he doesn't see it that way. Not today, anyway."

"Bella, please don't defend him on this one. It doesn't help his case. I told him he was wrong. Carlisle and Esme told him he was wrong. He didn't listen, and he's _not_ the only one who thought they lost you. We almost lost _both_ of you because of his pigheadedness," Alice's tone was razor-sharp, but her golden eyes were filled with hurt.

How had I never realized that Alice nursed a grudge against Edward over that? I was suddenly horrified at myself for not fully considering how much Edward's leaving had impacted _all_ of them.

A lifetime of self-worth issues had made me falsely assume that the only person in this equation that mattered to the Cullens was Edward. And while the instinct to protect and defend Edward ran bone-deep, I couldn't fault Alice for her feelings any more than I could fault Edward for his.

After all, how had _I_ felt when Edward had tried to sever the ties between me and _my_ friend before I was ready to make that decision on my own? And if he'd done that and then I thought Jacob _died?_ I grimaced.

"You know," I set my fork down a touch too forcefully. "I told him to get out of here so that I didn't have to rehash all of this."

"Well, maybe it deserves some rehashing! Where was Esme's grand apology when he ran off and tried to kill himself without so much as a goodbye? Do you know what she got? 'Sorry, Mom.'" Alice scowled.

Esme flinched. "Alice," her tone warned, "don't bring me into this."

Alice didn't need to say the words out loud. Edward's actions nearly cost Esme another son.

I sighed. "Alice," I said softly. "I hope very much that you never have to figure out how to live without Jasper."

Alice's face softened. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm taking my anger out on the wrong person," she frowned.

I looked at Esme who had pulled up a chair across from me, but she was looking intently at the marble countertop beneath her folded hands.

"Are you upset with him, too, Esme?" I asked. She looked up at me and seemed a little surprised by the question.

"I _was_ , at the time. More than you can imagine. But I'm the very _last_ person in this family who could hold what Edward did against him. I know all too well the pain of losing someone you can't live without."

A faint smile crossed her face then. "But now I'm of the position that all's well that ends well. You're both here and safe and happy. That's what matters."

Esme reached across the island and covered my hand, "But I hope you'll forgive me for saying that I'll be a lot less _anxious_ once I don't have to worry about something happening to you!" She said ruefully with her other hand over her heart.

I waved a hand dismissively. "Nothing to forgive. I'll be less anxious when that happens, too. I think we all will."

***EPOV***

I'd run as far east as land allowed, standing at the top of the tallest oceanside cliff I could find, watching the dark water churn sinisterly below just before it crashed into the sheer cliff face.

Since the moment Bella took me back after we were reunited, I had done whatever I could to avoid thinking about the devastation I'd caused last year. It was too raw, too painful, too senseless.

But today, in remembrance, I relived those abhorred memories like Ebenezer Scrooge being visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Taking two quick steps, I dove over the edge, plummeting 500 feet to the frigid water below.

Breaking through the surface, I didn't bother to swim. I just let the crushing force of the waves have their way with me as I watched the sequence of the very worst of my memories play behind my eyelids.

The look of crushed acceptance on Bella's face when I'd told her I didn't want her.

The heartbreak and despair on my mother's face and in her thoughts when I'd left them.

Charlie's grief.

Carlisle's disappointment.

Alice's fury.

Sam Uley's haunting recollection of finding Bella, cold, wet, and shaking, crying my name.

Jacob Black's memories of Bella, too thin, too pale, curled into herself.

Alice's vision of Bella jumping to her supposed death, a forlorn look of longing as she fell.

Rosalie's voicemail.

By the grace of God, Bella had forgiven me, taken me back into her warm embrace, and given me the most blissful existence a soulless monster like me could ever ask for.

But in the aftermath of my woefully misguided attempt to save her, I had come so very close to losing her forever. First to Laurent, then to Victoria, the Volturi had considered killing her right in front of my eyes, and then to the arms of my natural enemy, _Jacob Black._

You'd think if I'd learned anything it was that nothing good came from us being apart, and here I was on this of all days tumbling around the Atlantic Ocean like a forgotten message in a bottle. How utterly pathetic.

I rocketed back up to the surface, suddenly desperate to get back to her, to get on with the eternity I would spend trying to make amends.

I was back within hearing range of our property in half the time it had taken me to run from it earlier this morning. I heard thoughts. Thoughts but no heartbeat. _Why_ didn't I hear her heartbeat, I wondered, gripped by panic.

As I stormed the front steps of our house, I was stopped in my tracks by Alice sitting on one of the front porch rockers. She eyed my waterlogged appearance but said nothing of it.

"She's fine. She took her car out for a drive. But she gave me explicit instructions that neither of us should bother calling her until you and I had a chance to talk," she gestured for me to sit down in the other rocker.

I heaved a sigh and sat down, my sodden clothing making a squelching sound against the whitewashed wood.

I supposed I shouldn't be surprised that while I'd been absent, sinking in a literal sea of my own despair, my endlessly selfless wife had orchestrated a long-overdue reconciliation between Alice and me, without a thought to herself or her own pain.

I'd never deserve her, not if I lived for a thousand years, but I'd never stop trying to either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the big smiles I had when reading your comments from the last chapter. As much fun as I have writing the laughs and lemons and fluff...well it wouldn't be much of a twilight fic if Edward wasn't emo AF from time to time, amiright? Ohh, Edward.


	46. Chapter 46

***BPOV***

Edward and I had fallen into an easy routine that consisted of my morning human hour, followed by breakfast with Esme and the gang, school, lunch, homework, dinner, leisure time, and a _whole_ lot of sex.

Broken up, of course, by intermittent hunting trips, afternoons idled away in our grove, and the occasional foray to New York to do some of the more touristy things. Edward was only too happy to let his inner tour guide shine.

Somehow, without my noticing it, time was starting to slip by. Before I knew it, I was studying hard for midterms, and Alice (who was much friendlier with Edward these days), was badgering us about coordinating Halloween costumes.

Meanwhile, being domestic partners with Edward was turning out to be a bit of an exercise in trial and error on both of our parts.

For example, I didn't see why he should trouble himself with certain chores when it wasn't his hair stuck in the carpet or his dishes in the sink. He argued that it was ridiculous that I should bother cleaning when he could vacuum a room in the time it took me to plug the damn thing in.

I had an outright fit when he'd donned yellow kitchen gloves meaning to clean the bathroom.

" _Over my dead body, Edward Cullen!_ Find. Something. Else. To DO!" I stood in front of the door glaring at him with my arms crossed over my chest.

"I don't want you to clean. You don't want me to clean. I have an idea. Why don't we just hire someone? Problem solved," Edward's yellow, latex-covered hands flailed in exasperation.

But the idea of a stranger in our home cleaning up after me while I watched, or more likely hid, was not attractive to me. Especially not after traumatizing poor Kaure on Isle Esme.

"It's only a problem to _you_ because you don't like watching me clean," I countered.

" _Obviously_ I don't like to watch you clean, especially when it's just not necessary. There are a million other ways I'd rather you spent your time, Mrs. Cullen," he said with a suggestive gleam in his eyes.

"Well until midterms are over, _my_ time will be spent studying. You can do whatever you like with _your_ time, as long as it's not cleaning the bathroom. Go..." I waved my hand around struggling for a suggestion, "write a concerto or something."

Edward rolled his eyes and I heard him mutter "Impossible woman _,_ " under his breath, which I doubt I was meant to hear. Removing the gloves with a snap of latex, he then asked, "I'd be happy to help you study if you'd like," he offered.

He _did_ know a fair bit more than me about Shakespeare than I did, so I agreed with a nod and gestured for him to follow me into the library.

Once there, I handed him a thick stack of color-coded index cards. "Quiz away," I said, making myself comfortable on the bay seat as he pulled the rolling desk chair closer to me and sat down.

Edward read the first card, "In which play would you find the following quote?…'Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!'"

"Easy one. Hamlet," I answered without hesitation.

Edward smiled and nodded, not needing to flip the card over to check. He then peeled his shirt off over his head and tossed it aside.

He looked up from the next card and took in my perplexed expression. He raised an eyebrow as if _he_ was the one missing something.

Edward's tone was dead serious. "I was told there would be strip tutoring."

I covered my face with my hands, blushing madly. Oh, what the hell? What did it matter if I failed my exam? It's not like I had plans to graduate on schedule.

Conceding with a huff, I prompted, "Next card, please."

He flipped to the next card. "How about this one?" He recited, "The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth from the gentle rain in heaven upon the place beneath."

That was a harder one. I screwed my eyes shut and held up a finger so I could think for a moment.

"A Midsummer's Night Dream?"

A shake of his head. "Merchant of Venice. Strip." I muttered a curse and tossed one of my socks on the pile.

I got the next three quotes correct leaving Edward in just his boxer briefs.

"I _like_ this game!" My greedy eyes raked over him with the subtlety of a construction worker. "What happens when I get you naked?"

Edward smiled wickedly. "If you have to ask, I must not be doing it right," he quipped.

"You weren't lying when you said you were going to be the reason I need extra tutoring," I lobbed a decorative throw pillow at his smug face which he caught handily and tossed lightly back on the bay seat.

He held up his palms, one of which held the stack of cards tucked under his thumb. "You're going to have to trust me on this, love. My methods are very effective," he promised, not even trying to contain his smile.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "I'll just _bet_ they are. Next card, Romeo."

Edward glanced at the card and then his eyes smoldered up at me. "I have immortal longings in me," he read.

I sighed with my own immortal longing as I answered "Antony and Cleopatra. _Strip."_

Edward stood up, placing the stack of cards on the desk before straightening up and turning the full force of his gaze back to me. He hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his underwear and teased them down over his narrow hips, daring me to break eye contact.

One eyebrow quirked, his eyes were darkly seductive. His mouth curled into a cocky smirk as his boxer briefs pooled around his feet.

My eyes broke rank, unbidden, and my breath caught in my throat as I took in his chiseled perfection. How was it possible that this flawless being was mine?

A low growl rumbled from deep in his chest as I ogled him.

***EPOV***

Bella's eyes darkened with desire as she appraised me. The lusty look of admiration made my impossibly hard erection jump to attention under her gaze.

"Next card, Mrs. Cullen?" One side of my mouth pulled up into a lopsided smile. My voice seemed to break the spell and Bella's eyes flashed back to mine. Her cheeks were the color of a ripe peach.

Bella surprised me then when she said, "You know, I think I'm pretty solid with my Shakespeare. I think I should help _you_ study," her eyes glinted with mischief.

She wordlessly stood up from her seat by the window and took me by the hand, leading me into the next room.

Bella gestured for me to sit at my piano. I obliged her, curious but willing.

"Don't you have a new piece you're working on for your music comp class?"

"It still needs a bit of polish, but yes," I answered, a smile playing at the corners of my mouth.

Bella was directly across from me now, watching me from under the angled shiny black lid of my Steinway. "Play it for me. No mistakes," she instructed.

It was immodest of me, but I couldn't help but laugh once at that. I didn't make mistakes when I played.

"As you wish," I murmured, placing my hands over the keys. Just as the first few notes rang out, Bella ducked under the piano.

My eyes widened, finally comprehending her intent. The little minx! I scooted the piano bench back a few inches to make room for her as she angled her body around the pedal column at my feet.

Situated between my legs, she looked up at me with wide, excited eyes from under a fringe of long, dark lashes.

"No mistakes," she reiterated as she took me into her mouth.

Oh for the love of all that was holy! My most cherished possession (if you could call her that) was between my legs and my _second_ most cherished possession was beneath my hands. If I wanted them both undamaged, I would have to concentrate harder than I'd ever needed to before.

Bella was helping me study alright, just not for my music composition exam.

Keeping time while Bella's mouth worked languorously over me at a much slower rhythm was surprisingly challenging. Harder still was maintaining the control needed to play the complicated piece correctly without pulverizing the keys as Bella's tongue made my entire body tense with my mounting need.

A low groan escaped my throat as I felt the soft warmth of the back of her throat, fragile as a spider web, press up against the head of my hard arousal.

I concentrated on keeping my lower body frozen to the piano bench, feet planted to the floor, while also keeping my hands soft on the keys.

What a brilliant exercise it was to be able to practice keeping a soft touch under the intensely pleasurable attentions of her mouth while she was, for the most part, safely away from my hands.

The dissonant sound of a flat note, played in error as my fingers trembled under the stress, cut through the intricate melody.

Bella's dark, hooded eyes flashed up to me as she made a sing-song hum of disapproval in the back of her throat. The vibrations of which made me throw my head back and moan at the sensation.

As the composition headed toward its climax, so did I, with a cacophony of right notes, wrong notes, high-pitched whines, and throaty groans.

Intuitively, Bella moved her head away a sixteenth note before I was about to tell her to, but kept stroking with her hand as I finished onto the hardwood floor with a loud bellow.

Bella rested her face on the inside of my thigh as I recovered, panting heavily. With sparkling eyes and a smug grin, she said, "Not bad. But I think it needs more practice before you perform that for your class."

An exhausted-sounding laugh tumbled from my lips as I stroked the hair back from her clammy forehead.

Without warning, I scooted the piano bench backward, the wooden legs scraping shrilly across the floor as I scooped Bella into my arms and had her in our bed before the steel strings of my piano had had a chance to stop vibrating.

"You are wearing entirely too many clothes," I growled, noting that she still was fully clothed, barring the missing sock that was still on the floor of the library.

"Well, next time tutor me for a class that I don't like as much," Bella teased before I quieted her with a kiss and impatiently peeled away the layers of clothing from her body.

Moving down her throat, my lips muttered into her skin, " _Jesus_ , Bella. I haven't played so badly since the time I was drunk on whiskey. That was _incredible_."

She hummed in approval. "Well, I guess it's kind of nice to know I can still get you drunk as an immortal," she said, gasping at the feel of my cold lips around her nipple. It was my turn to hum in approval and she moaned at the sensation.

"Even better. You don't taste like poison, you taste like heaven," I said kissing her all the way down her body before lowering myself between her legs. I was about to go to town, but then I had a better idea.

"You know, you didn't get much studying done today...I guess it's a good thing I don't need the cards," I chuckled, kissing the inside of her thigh.

Bella breathed my name, the fingers of one of her warm little hands tangled into my hair, and then slid down to cup my cheek.

In a gravelly voice, I quoted, "Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand. That I might touch that cheek!" I turned my head to kiss her palm, then went back to nibbling on the soft flesh of her thigh.

"Mmm... Romeo and Juliet," she whispered in a strained voice.

" _Very_ good, Mrs. Cullen," I crooned, rewarding her with a long, hard lick. "Ohhh," she moaned, an octave lower than her speaking voice.

I pulled my mouth away just enough to quiz her again. "The course of true love never did run smooth," I whispered, my lips just a hair's breadth from the glistening pink flesh peeking out from within.

A deep chuckle rumbled out of my chest as she wriggled and squirmed for more contact, but I held her hips down with the stone restraint of my arm draped over her middle.

"A M-Midnight Summer's Dream," she stuttered out, white-knuckling the sheets now.

She was rewarded. I took her swollen bud between my lips. "Mmhmm," I moaned in the affirmative. Bella inhaled sharply, and I felt her hips vainly attempt to thrust up under my immovable arm.

I pulled away again, a bare millimeter. This time she growled in frustration. I chuckled again. "You aren't going anywhere until I make an A-student out of you," I promised, then sternly. "Now _concentrate._ 'Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?' I quizzed, teasing her entrance with the tip of a finger.

Bella whined at my ministrations. "Taming of the Shrew?" she guessed. I shook my head at her incorrect answer, grazing her with the tip of my nose as I pulled my finger away to a grunt of protestation.

"As You Like It," I corrected, over-enunciating each syllable in a husky whisper.

With a gentle circling stroke of my thumb, "All that glistens is not gold."

A desperate cry, "M-merchant of Venice," she answered correctly.

I sank my middle finger up to the hilt in her wet heat, stroking the highly sensitive upper wall in a come-hither motion. This elicited a guttural groan that made my own renewed erection press almost painfully into the mattress.

Something that sounded like a sob wrenched from her throat. "No more teasing, Edward, _please._ I can't take it," Bella pleaded, her soft, smooth skin flushed from her hairline down to her sternum.

"Just one more then," I said, still stroking her from the inside. "Eternity was in our lips and in our eyes."

"Antony and Cleopatra," she sighed without hesitation. I wondered if maybe that might be a new favorite of hers. I'd have to ask her later.

"Such a good little scholar," I praised and then settled my mouth on her, not to be removed again. She tossed her head back into the pillows and whimpered as I sucked on her in earnest, filling her with a second finger.

" _Fuuuck,"_ it was a high-pitched squeal as I clamped my lips around her and flicked with my tongue, feeling her muscles squeeze around my fingers like a vice as she came. I only pulled away when she started giggling, oversensitive.

"You were right," she panted in a weakened voice, holding up three fingers while pinching her thumb and forefinger together in the universal sign for 'OK.' "Your methods are very, _very_ effective."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, is it hot in here? 🔥 Maybe if I'd had a study buddy like Edward, I would have finished my degree. 😆 So sorry to those of you who wanted to read about the convo between Edward and Alice, but I did warn you all there would be some glossing over happening. If I don't advance the timeline a bit faster, this girl is never going to get changed. And you think the sex is good, now? Just wait. Bwahaha. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, my lovelies, and thank you as always for your always amazing reviews.


	47. Chapter 47

***EPOV***

It was a week later that I was sitting in my music composition class, in body only. Bella had been so anxious to get to school that morning because the graded exams from two of her classes were being handed back.

I told her that she didn't have anything to worry about. After all, I'd helped her study myself, I chuckled. But her excitement was contagious, and even I couldn't wait until after class to hear how she'd fared.

While my professor blathered on about tonal systems, I was seeing through the eyes of Bella's professor, staring straight at my wife sitting in the first row. Her legs were crossed and the leg on top bounced away anxiously.

I smiled affectionately at her fidgeting. If I'd been there in her class, I would have reached across the aisle and placed a calming hand on her bouncing knee, and told her to breathe.

Professor Chaney walked up and down the rows of students handing out an assortment of B's, C's, and a few D's.

When he stopped in front of Bella's desk, he looked down at the stack of papers he held. I smiled widely seeing the bright red "A" in felt ink scrawled across the top of her paper as he slid it onto her desk.

" _Well done,_ Miss Capulet. You're going to have to share your studying methods with your classmates," Professor Chaney congratulated her, very much impressed.

I laughed out loud when Bella's brown eyes grew huge and her face turned a startling shade of red as she mumbled, "Thanks," and ducked her head, hiding her face behind her hair. God, was I ever going to miss that.

In my own classroom, Professor Sinclair stared at me, wondering what was so funny about harmonic functions.

I looked appropriately abashed and sat up a little straighter in my chair.

***BPOV***

An 'A' on my Overview of Shakespeare exam and an 'A-' in Sexuality in Early Modern Lit.

Maybe, just _maybe_ I was Dartmouth material after all. My thoughts were optimistic as I practically skipped to the coffee cart after my last class wrapped up.

" _So?_... Don't leave a man in suspense. How'd you do on your exams?" Edward asked interestedly just before I threw myself into his arms.

"An 'A' in Shakespeare, and an 'A-' on Lipton's exam!" I announced with unbridled excitement.

"That's _amazing_ , Bella! No one is less surprised than me. You've been studying your butt off," his velvety voice was celebratory in my ear just before I pulled away to look at him.

I was about to make a snarky remark about _him_ studying my butt off, but my spidey sense was tingling by the way he said "No one is less surprised than me."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You already knew, didn't you?"

His eyes widened innocently and then his angel face drew into a full pout. "My class is so _boring_ , love. You are so much more interesting than first-year music theory. And besides, I was just as personally invested in that grade as you were," he smirked,

I should be more pissed about him spying on me, but truthfully, I found it flattering that even now that 'all the mystery was gone,' Edward still found me so interesting.

How often did I hear other women complaining about their husbands' lack of interest and attention? With Edward, I had that in spades.

But if he had watched, then that meant he'd seen...my face reddened instantly. Edward seemed to catch up to my train of thought.

"Though I'd much rather you kept your study methods between the two of us," he ribbed to my extreme chagrin.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists as I marched back to the car, much less sanguine about the spying than I'd been a moment ago.

"You should've seen your face," Edward snickered incorrigibly. Then seeing my face, backpedaled. "Don't be upset, love. Can you honestly blame me? If you could watch me, wouldn't you?" He asked pointedly, eyebrows raised.

_Without a doubt_ , I admitted to myself but was much too stubborn to say it out loud.

With one of Edward's probing looks into my eyes, he saw right through me anyway. "See? And I wouldn't mind if you did either," Edward added confidently.

"I hope I have a supremely inconvenient gift, and then we'll just see about that!" I huffed as I flopped into the Volvo and Edward shut the door softly behind me.

"What a funny thing for the mental mute to say." Edward's laugh was almost a giggle as he slid behind the wheel.

Dropping the attitude (I wasn't that mad anyway), I asked "How was class for you today?"

I would never stop asking the questions that I thought I knew the answers to. Because even though I already knew he played the piano with a mastery and grace that mere mortals could only dream of (at least when I wasn't distracting him, I snorted inwardly), it didn't make me any less interested in the things he had to say.

"Pretty standard, I'd say. Do you remember how Mrs. Goff used to let me come and go as I pleased because my Spanish is better than hers?" I nodded.

"In the same vein, my professor asked me if _I'd_ give _her_ personal composition a listen," he chuckled. "So that's what I'll be doing tomorrow while the rest of the class watches a video on the Circle of Fifths."

" _Her_ personal composition?" I raised an eyebrow, not at all liking the idea of another woman making music alone with him in her office.

It didn't seem all that unlikely that a Cullen admirer could take the form of a teacher, especially in college, when Edward was presumed to be a legal adult.

Then I shrugged, realizing my ridiculousness. "Well, I guess you'd know if she had any ulterior motives."

Edward's smile was amused. "Professor Sinclair is very nearly as old as I am. She has a brilliant mind for music, but most of the time can't remember that her pencil is holding up the bun in her hair."

I laughed at his description and then teased, "That _does_ make me feel better. It's true, you _are_ a known cradle robber." I tried to keep a straight face.

Edward raised an unamused eyebrow at me. Then barked out a laugh, "I'd like to remind you that you're two years older than me. _Now_ who's the cradle robber?" he smirked.

I scowled at the reminder.

Then his face smoothed out and he said more seriously, "Time is relative. When I'm 1,000 and you're 914, will those eighty-six years matter all that much?"

I shrugged. "The years matter," I qualified. "The age difference doesn't _._ But I suppose you'll have to ask me when I'm 914."

Edward pulled out his phone. "Siri, remind me in 895 years to ask Bella about the relativity of time.".

It was extra funny because Edward's phone didn't have Siri. In fact, if anybody saw Edward's phone (or the rest of the Cullens for that matter), they'd think they were either using burner phones or comically behind the times.

It was a sore subject for Edward, lover of technology, that without body heat he couldn't operate touchscreen devices "without a ridiculous pair of gloves."

I just shook my head and laughed quietly at his antics.

It might've been bratty, but I pulled out my iPhone and said, "Siri, call Charlie," and the phone started ringing. There were _so_ few things I could do that Edward couldn't. I might as well enjoy it while it lasted.

"Hey Bells! You must've been reading my mind. I was just about to pick up the phone and call you. How's college life, kid?"

"Hi, Dad! Doing great! I got my midterms back today and aced them both. Thought you'd be happy to know that I got my brains from your side of the gene pool," I cracked. From my peripheral view, I saw Edward bite his lip to keep from laughing.

It went without saying that I loved Renee dearly, but book smarts were not one of her many attributes.

"That's great to hear, kiddo. I'm proud of you. It's nice to know that all that tuition money I paid is going to good use," he said a bit sourly.

Charlie felt cheated over the fact that I hadn't needed financial help to pay for college, and wouldn't be calling him periodically for money as was a fact of life for most college kids my age.

" _When else are you going to call me?"_ he'd worried out loud when I told him that my tuition had already been paid for when he'd started talking about dipping into his retirement fund.

I tried to call him as frequently as was practical so that this wasn't a worry he'd have, at least not yet. But the calls were getting more infrequent as the weeks and months passed by.

"So how's everything at home? How's Sue?" I'd started asking with every call since she'd become such a fixture in his life.

"Good, good. Hey, there's something I wanted to talk to you about, and since I don't know when I'm going to see you next, I guess now is as good a time as any," he hedged.

I raised my eyebrows at the turn in the conversation. Edward appraised my expression and made a curious face of his own.

"What's up, Dad?" I asked, a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"It's about Sue. I was wondering what you thought...if I, ah, proposed?" I could practically hear him nervously scrubbing a hand across the back of his neck like he always did when he was uncomfortable.

"What do I _think?_ " I repeated. "Dad! I think that's GREAT! You two are perfect for each other. I'm _so_ happy for you," I gushed with a face-splitting grin on my face.

"Well I haven't asked her yet," he qualified with a nervous-sounding chuckle.

"She'll say yes," I said with certainty, remembering what Alice had prophesied months before.

"Well thank you for being so supportive. I hope the elders will be, too."

"The elders?" I asked quizzically.

"Apparently, it's customary for Quileute outsiders to ask for the blessing of the tribal council before a proposal of marriage can be made. I was waiting to talk to you, but now that I have, I'm going to talk to Billy about it next week," Charlie explained.

I blinked into the phone, unsure of how to feel about Charlie getting more involved with the Quileutes. It was something I hadn't considered when I was pushing hard for Charlie to pair off with Sue so that I didn't have to worry about him being all alone.

After a short silence, trying hard to sound casual, I finally said, "I'm sure it's just a formality, Dad. You're like family to them on the Rez. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I hope you're right, Bells! Hey, kiddo, I'm going to have to let you go. Just got a report of a shoplifter over at the sporting goods store."

"Ok Dad, let me know how it goes when you talk to Billy. And tell the Newtons I said hello," I said, shooting Edward a sidelong glance and smirking when he scowled. "Love you, too. Bye!"

I slipped the phone back into my pocket.

"Well, that's happy news!" Edward exclaimed, patting me excitedly on the thigh as he pulled into the garage at home.

He put the car in park but didn't rush to open the door for me like he usually did.

When my response was less than ecstatic, Edward asked in a wary voice, "Why don't you seem more excited? I thought you were happy about Charlie and Sue?"

I wasn't sure why, but my concerns of Charlie getting closer to the Quileutes wasn't something I wanted to share right at that moment.

"I _am_ happy," I said honestly. "It's just a little bittersweet since I won't get to be there," I said, telling a half-truth.

"They're supposed to elope, right? Maybe you wouldn't have gotten to be there anyway," he said speculatively, trying to cheer me up.

Then after a beat, his cool hand took me by the chin and gently turned my face to look at him. "You know there's no hurry right? Nothing is set in stone until _you_ are."

I frowned and shook my head. "There's always going to be a reason to postpone… it's never going to feel like the right time to hurt my family. But I'm a danger to them as long as I keep hanging on, and I'm _not_ going to play chicken with the Volturi.

"No," I said more decisively. "We're sticking to the plan. We'll go spend Christmas in Florida and then you'll change me as soon as we get back.

"Well, I guess it won't be _here_ , but wherever we're going to be while I adjust," I qualified with some disappointment. I was already growing attached to this place, our first home together.

***EPOV***

From inside the house, I heard Alice stagger and gasp under the forcefulness of the vision that she had just seen.

"She's decided," Alice said in little more than a whisper. And then more excitedly, doing a little dance, "She's decided!"

Somewhere inside the house, Alice was seeing Bella open her blood-red eyes for the first time, and then she focused on the digital clock next to the bed. In smaller numbers displayed underneath the time was the date. December 30th, 2006.

In just sixty-seven days, Bella would be mine forever.

I had never doubted Bella's commitment, but knowing the actual date gave me an overwhelming sense of relief.

All of the worrying and uncertainty would be over soon. At least as far as worrying about losing her forever due to some unforeseen accident. That worry never left my mind.

After she was changed, I wouldn't have to worry about losing her so much as I would worry about _keeping_ her. Keeping her happy in this existence of neverending night that she's sacrificing everything for so that we can be together forever.

"What just happened while I've been sitting here? Why do you look like that?" Bella asked impatiently, waving a hand in front of my face.

I met her gaze. Normally, I'd be tempted to keep this new information from her, worried that she'd feel undue pressure by the knowledge.

But as Alice always reminded me, she was only as certain as Bella was, and the vision had never been clearer.

"Alice...sees a date," I said softly.

"Oh!" Bella exclaimed, thoroughly taken by surprise.

"Why do you look so surprised when you're the one that just decided?" I laughed once, uncomprehendingly.

"I'm not surprised that she sees a date, just that you looked so _happy_ about it. I didn't expect that."

I stared at her like she grew a third eyeball, and then, remembering that we were still sitting in the car, I suggested we finish our conversation inside. I dashed around the car opening her door before she could answer.

Once inside, I pulled Bella by the hand to sit down with me on the couch.

"Bella, I just found out with a reasonable degree of certainty that in sixty-seven days, I get to keep you for eternity. How else should I feel but happy?" I searched her eyes for some explanation.

Bella stared at me like I was the one with three eyeballs.

"Am I being punked right now? You _hate_ the idea of me being a vampire. You've fought against that outcome since the moment you decided to be with me. You _left_ me so that I wouldn't end up what you are. And then you voted no when you came back...So yeah, I'm a little taken aback to see you look so jazzed about it."

She thought that I hated the idea of her becoming a vampire? I gaped at her. What a horrifying revelation!

"Bella, _no_ ," I refuted, aghast. "I thought you were clear on this. I don't hate the idea of you becoming a vampire. What I hate is all that you'll be giving up to be like me. You joining us..." I shook my head, speechless. "There are no words for what a gift that will be. One that I could never hope to repay."

" _Really_?...Huh! You've always been so dead against it that I just kind of internalized it as you wanting me to be human more than anything else...

"I thought that you were only just starting to come around to the idea of changing me out of necessity and inevitability. But I never thought it was something that you actually _wanted._ "

I sighed, cursing myself for the millionth time for bungling everything so completely.

"Until recently, it's not something I ever _let_ myself want because of what it would mean for you. But Bella," I said, taking her face between my hands. "There is _nothing_ I want more than to spend forever with you, no matter what package you come in. Never doubt that."

Her eyes widened then. "Did you say sixty-seven days?"

Had I frightened her? I nodded slowly, dropping my hands from her face. "Alice saw December 30th."

Bella sat in silence absorbing that for a painfully long minute, then raised her chin resolutely before she said, "Well then, I guess I better start writing, shouldn't I?"

She stood up and disappeared into the bedroom for a moment before reappearing with the journal I'd given her under her arm, only to disappear back into the library.

And thus began the countdown to V-day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter doesn't confuse anybody. When Bella "decides," it's not that she was making up her mind to become a vampire. That was already a done deal, she just became more clear on the timing which had always been a little ambiguous. BD Bella was waffling about the timing before Renesmee came along and forced her hand, so I wanted to show that here. Til next time! And keep the suggestions coming! I love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> *To the tune of Seasons of Love*
> 
> 🎵 Six-and-a-half million heartbeats until Bella's a vampire
> 
> Six-and-a-half-million heartbeats until Edward can breeeeathe
> 
> Six-and-a-half-million heartbeats until Bella's a bloodsucker
> 
> Where will they go? When will they leave?
> 
> Measure in love
> 
> Measure in love 
> 
> Bella's sweet bloooooood
> 
> Seasons of Love 🎵


	48. Chapter 48

***EPOV***

Now that the timing was more certain, I needed to talk to Carlisle.

I waited until Bella laid quietly in bed, all sleep-talked out, before ducking out to see him. Now that Bella's dreams were officially numbered, I couldn't bear to miss a second of those brief windows into her unguarded mind.

I was still pondering over something she'd said tonight, 'Charlie's one of them,' when I found Carlisle and Esme together on the couch in the family room. Carlisle was rubbing the pale arches of her bare feet that rested in his lap as they watched the news together.

Esme meant to put her feet down at my intrusion, but Carlisle held tight to them, tickling them a little as he did. Esme giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Edward," Carlisle smiled even wider, "It's nice to see your face around here. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"I can come back if this is a bad time," I apologized for my interruption. "I wanted to discuss Bella's upcoming transformation. I assume Alice told you about her vision?"

Carlisle smiled good-naturedly. "Don't be silly. If it was a bad time, you'd know it," Carlisle teased, earning a playful swat from Esme.

"And yes, I heard. We all did. You must've missed Alice's little one-person parade this evening when you took Bella out for dinner. December 30th. It's on all of our google calendars, the wall calendar. And she stuck a save-the-date to the fridge, too," Carlisle chuckled.

I had to laugh at that. Alice was nothing if not thorough.

_Edward, would you like me to give you and Carlisle some privacy?_ Esme thought graciously.

I smiled warmly at her and shook my head subtly and she relaxed back into the couch. I took a seat closer to Carlisle on the chaise side of the massive sectional.

"To start with...where are we going to take her to do this? It's been 70 years since we've had a newborn in the family, and the places we took the others are not nearly as unpopulated as they once were."

Certainly, there had to be a more preferable locale than Bella's suggestion of _Antarctica._

"Why not Denali? We have property there...and family, and it's still relatively remote," Carlisle suggested.

I made a face. "Hard pass. They are going to have to do a lot more than show up at our wedding and apologize to get back into my good graces after their refusal to help us dismantle the newborn army. That will not be easily forgotten," I said with no small amount of bitterness.

"Besides, we left there in the first place because there were too many of us and we were attracting attention. But we're going to move back now that we're adding a newborn to the mix? That doesn't make any sense."

Carlisle couldn't argue with that.

Emmett walked into the room with a laptop under his arm. "I have a suggestion," he chimed in.

He opened up the laptop and handed it to me. "Rose and I would like to offer up a property that we designed and built for our own vacationing purposes and have yet to use."

"Admiralty Island," I read off the screen and skimmed over the details. Nearly a million acres of pristine wilderness off the coast of Southeast Alaska.

The paltry human population of a mere 650 was outnumbered three to one by the world's largest population of brown bears. My eyebrows raised with piqued interest.

"The natives call the area the Kootznoowoo Wilderness, which means... _fortress of bears,"_ Emmett said, practically licking his lips.

"And this property of yours is big enough for all of us?" I ascertained.

Emmett snorted. "When have you ever known Rose to do anything halfway? It's nearly as big as this place and was built on the uninhabited side of the island.

I couldn't see any faults with this plan. It was a far cry better than my idea of Northern Canada since polar bear populations were on a steep decline.

I handed the laptop to Carlisle.

"The nearest hospital is in Juneau. It would be a bit of a trek to get to work every day," Carlisle looked thoughtful.

"I could always ship over some equipment and start my own practice for the locals. "I bet they'd appreciate not having to be medevacked to the mainland for every emergency."

"Though, would that mean I wouldn't get a hot wifey week?'" Carlisle teased and leaned over to kiss Esme's smiling cheek.

"So...we're going then?" Emmett asked, not bothering to contain his excitement.

"I don't see why not," Carlisle answered after Esme nodded her approval. "A new adventure for a new daughter only seems fitting.

"Alice? Jasper? Any objections?" He asked in a conversational tone, turning his head toward their wing of the house.

They appeared as if they'd been present all along.

"It'll do," Alice growled, depressed by the shopping prospects.

"Fortress of bears? Sign me up!" Jasper drawled.

"Another convenient thing about Admiralty Island is when people go missing, they always just assume it was the bears," Emmett said, thinking about the possibility of Bella slipping.

It wasn't bad as far as contingency plans went, but I would move literal mountains before I let Bella slip up. I would never fail her again.

"'I'll talk to Bella about it as soon as she wakes up. I doubt she'll have any objections. Thank you, Emmett…and Rosalie" I added begrudgingly, whom I knew could hear me from under her M3 in the garage, "for your hospitality. I couldn't have picked a better place myself."

Rosalie mentally replied. _It's the least I could do. But if your hot-headed newborn wife breaks my house, you're buying me a new one._

I laughed once in spite of myself.

_I'll let the hospital know of my plans today. It shouldn't come as too much of a surprise. I was only here on a borrowed status since I knew we wouldn't be in New Hampshire for long._ Carlisle thought to himself.

Emmett pumped a fist winningly in the air. "Hell yeah! But I get to tell Bella about the fortress of bears part. After all, I owe her a hunting lesson," his dimpled smile lit up his face.

The decision having been made, my siblings started to disperse to go make their own preparations. Jasper was the last to file out, singing John Denver's "Alaska and Me" in his rich baritone.

Seeing the sun start to rise over the horizon, I was starting to get anxious to get back to Bella. I didn't want her to wake and find me gone. The other questions I had for Carlisle would have to wait.

I nodded in farewell to Carlisle. "See you at breakfast, Esme!" I said before letting myself out.

***BPOV***

I'd slept fitfully the night before and woke up alone. Edward probably just went to chat with the family, I rationalized. It was still dark outside, so he probably thought he had more time. I had only but to say his name and he'd return to me.

But I wasn't going to do that. I was going to have faith that any moment now he'd come streaking through the door in all of his dazzling perfection with a smile and an apology for...what exactly? For leaving my side, I supposed. And then we'd go about our day just like any other.

Sixty-seven, no, _sixty-six_ days now until my heart stopped beating. How strange to know the exact day of my death. Not only to know it but to be eagerly awaiting it-while also being terrified out of my skull.

Not just a death, I reminded myself, trying to stay positive. A rebirth. In sixty-six days, Bella Cullen the vampire would be born.

I tried to imagine what Edward would look like biting into me. I tried to imagine the exultant butterscotch eyes that watched me walk down the aisle, but the only ones that came to mind were a murderous scarlet red.

The fingers of my left hand moved subconsciously to the slightly raised, cool-to-the-touch crescent-shaped scar on my right hand.

I remembered that tiny slice of agony and then tried to imagine how it would feel all over my body. For three _days_ instead of three minutes. The thought of it made my palms sweat and my stomach clench.

But what was three days of agony for an eternity with Edward? It couldn't be worse than six months of thinking I'd lost him, that he didn't want me.

Whatever those three days wrought, I'd survive it, and then we'd finally be together as equals.

He'd never be able to push me away, or run from me, or go where I couldn't follow.

I'd be beautiful and strong and graceful. I wouldn't trip over my feet, and if I _ever_ had cause to be embarrassed by something, my blush would never again give me away.

What would I do when I didn't have to worry about dying? What _wouldn't_ I do? Jump off a bridge, _no,_ a cliff, I grinned. Drive too fast. Surf a tsunami. Go skydiving without a parachute. The possibilities were endless.

I felt the mattress dip ever so slightly just before a cool hand molded itself to the side of my face. The pad of his thumb brushed softly over my cheekbone as he murmured his apologies. I closed my eyes and smiled, breathing him in.

"Good morning, love. Would you _please_ tell me what is going on in that beautiful head of yours? I've never seen so many different emotions cross your face in the space of a minute."

He was sitting up, the smooth marble of his brow furrowed into an intensely curious expression as he peered down at me.

"Thinking about after," I said vaguely, not awake enough yet to be articulate. "Just trying to wrap my head around it."

Edward took my right hand in his and stroked over the scar. "I gathered as much," his smile was patient. "What specifically?"

"Just trying to imagine it. What it will be like to be bitten…" I said, reaching up and skimming my thumb along his lower lip.

"...To burn." Edward tensed but said nothing. "And then, afterward, all the crazy stuff I'll do when I won't have to worry about dying," I finished with a grin.

Edward groaned. "Going to see how many times you can give your poor husband a heart attack, hmm?" He chuckled and kissed me on the side of the head.

"Something like that," I laughed and nodded. "Maybe we should go skydiving _now_ , so that I have something to compare the experience to afterward," I tapped my chin and waited for the glare.

He didn't disappoint. "Nobody as disaster-prone as you should ever be allowed to jump out of a plane," he scowled.

"Too bad," I teased. It might've been fun if I was strapped to _you_ and not some instructor," I said, waggling my eyebrows at him. I snickered at his piqued expression and could tell he was reconsidering.

"Speaking of after _,_ that's what I wanted to talk to you about before you go up to breakfast. Do you mind if I claim a few minutes of your human hour to talk over some particulars?"

"Of course not. I only need a human minute today. Be right back," I said as I padded off to the bathroom to relieve my bursting bladder and to quickly brush my teeth.

"Alright then, hit me with it," I said crawling back into bed and into his arms.

"The reason I wasn't here when you woke," Edward began, his eyes apologetic, "was because I was finishing up a very productive conversation with the others about where we'll go after we get back from Christmas in Florida."

My eyes widened, alert now. I listened intently.

"Emmett and Rosalie have generously offered the use of their property on Admiralty Island. It's the seventh-largest island in the United States, off the coast of Southeast Alaska.

"It is largely uninhabited other than a very small population of natives that live on the opposite side of the island."

When he saw the concern in my eyes about nearby humans, Edward rushed to reassure me. "Not to worry, love. They will be far enough away that they shouldn't be in danger as long as we're careful, and we _will_ be.

"But you can't very well learn to control your thirst if you don't know what a human smells like. Learning to do that means exposing you to the scent in a safely-controlled environment, and we can do that there," he confidently assured me.

"And besides that, the hunting options are...impressive. _Much_ better than penguins, trust me," he smiled crookedly.

"Well, that sounds fine if you think it will be safe. I wasn't married to the idea of Antarctica or anything, I just really, _really_ don't want to hurt anybody," I fretted.

"Of course not, love, and we're going to do everything in our power to make sure that doesn't happen," Edward crooned in his most soothing voice, though it didn't escape my notice that he made me no promises.

I felt his lips on the top of my head, and then the pressure of his cold stone hand pass over my ear as he stroked my hair from root to tip.

Always the practical one, I muttered, "I knew going to Dartmouth was a bad idea. Think of how much easier the move would have been if we were already living in Juneau."

"And miss seeing your exquisite face framed by the colors of New England in the fall? I'd never allow it," his lips smiled into my hair. I sighed, content.

"Ok, so that answers the 'where' question. I've only got about 150 million more," I hyperbolized.

Edward squared his shoulders a bit as his arms tightened around me. "Hit me with 'em. Now's the time to ask."

I felt the blood rushing to my face. How long had I waited for an invitation like that? But now everything that I could think of to ask felt inconsequential or just downright embarrassing.

My heated face was instantly cooled by the backs of his fingers. "You're blushing? Bella, this is torturous. _Please_ , whatever it is, just ask _."_

"I was just wondering…" I chewed on my lip, stalling for time as he stared at me with his unshakable curiosity.

On the spot, I couldn't think of a single other question to ask him other than the one I was most curious about. And it was as embarrassing as it gets.

"You were just wondering?" Edward prompted, an impatient edge to his voice now.

"I guess I was just wondering if there were any experiences that maybe _you_ wanted to have while I was still human," I shrugged uncomfortably.

Edward's face went blank. "I'm not following you."

I tried to avert my eyes but the granite hand under my chin wasn't having it. I looked down at the pale hand that cupped my jaw instead. "What side of the fence do you fall on about...period sex?" I cringed, wishing a large sinkhole would open up under me and swallow me whole.

I had finally done it. I had made Edward "Heard It All Before" Cullen speechless. My sinkhole wasn't coming nearly fast enough as I watched his mouth open and close twice, trying and failing to form words.

"Nevermind. I take it back. Stupid idea," I stuttered, scrambling to put the genie back into the bottle.

Edward took my hand and made me feel just how _not_ stupid my idea was. "Not stupid, Bella," his normally silken voice sounded gravelly. "Just not safe...There's only so much I can ask of my control," his eyes pleaded with me to understand.

Oh. Well, I could live with that as long as he didn't think I was sexually depraved or something.

Feeling the telltale backache that could only mean one thing, I said, "Well, then you better make love to me one more time before I send you off on a hunting trip," I hinted.

Edward's grinning mouth disappeared against the skin of my throat. "It would be my very great pleasure, Mrs. Cullen," his velvet voice murmured in between small kisses underneath my jaw.

"But you don't have to send me away, you know. I'm happy— _more_ than happy to stay here with you and see that you're taken care of. I don't know if you've heard, but I have an excellent bedside manner," he purred.

Edward made quick work of the buttons on my pajama top and dipped his head to kiss the skin between my bare breasts before returning to my lips.

"Oh, I've heard, alright," my smiling voice was muffled by the glassy smoothness of his lips. "A little too good. That's why I'm sending you away. So I don't ask too much of your control."

Edward made a sound between a groan and growl, "That is _so_ unfair."

I snorted in amusement, enjoying the role reversal. "Do I always have to be the responsible one?"

This earned an actual growl. "Just for the next sixty-six days...and then neither of us have to be responsible _ever again_ ," his head dipped back down to take the stiffened peak of my breast into his mouth as I gasped.

Edward slid the silky fabric of my pajama shorts down over my hips, which I raised so he could slide them all the way off.

He groaned to find me pantyless underneath. Then my breath was forced out of my chest with a whoosh as the strong hands on my hips flipped me over onto all fours. His wide-splayed hands slid worshipfully over the well-rounded curve of my bottom.

I could then feel the cool contours of his chest pressed up against my back as he held himself over me, his lips were right at my ear.

The tickle of his icy breath on my sensitive skin made me shudder against him, and the little wiggle against his rock-hard erection trapped between our two bodies made him suck in a sharp breath.

"I'm afraid I don't have the time I need to worship you properly if we are going to be on time for breakfast. But I hope you'll accept an IOU, with interest," he breathed, reaching a hand between my legs as he entered me from behind.

" _Yes,"_ I cried, both in reply and in response.

There was something so wildly erotic about making love in this way in which I couldn't see him, I could only _feel_ him. It made every touch and every whispered endearment that much more powerful.

Edward's practiced fingers brought me effortlessly to a toe-curling orgasm seconds before he tensed and groaned out his own release.

Lithely rolling over onto his side next to me, Edward gathered me into his arms as our ragged breathing decelerated to a more normal rate.

My stomach growled then, cutting through the early morning quiet. "Breakfast time for the human?" Edward asked, an amused chuckle in his voice.

Later, up at the house, Esme was sweet enough to pretend not to notice our tardiness...Emmett not so much.

"Well it's nice of you two to finally show up," Emmett grinned like the cat who ate the cream. "And don't you look chipper this morning!" he guffawed.

Esme popped him one upside the head in reproach for his lack of discretion.

Rubbing the back of his head, Emmett's smile never faded. "Thanks for letting me tell Squirt here about the fortress of bears, Edward. I didn't think you'd be able to keep your mouth shut," he grinned.

I looked back and forth between my husband and brother-in-law as Esme loaded up my plate with bacon, eggs, and fruit.

I raised a crisp piece of bacon to my lips, but the breakfast meat seemed to freeze in mid-air as I blanched. "Excuse me. Fortress of what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I've wanted a semester of college to finish so badly since I myself was a college student! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Your feedback and suggestions are giving me life during this pandemic! Can't wait to hear what you think! Anything you want to see Bella do in her final days of humanity? Drop me a line!

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy this story and want to keep up with my future writing projects, join my mailing list! I promise I won't spam you! Thanks for reading and your continued support!
> 
> http://eepurl.com/hpYIeb


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